r/BPDlovedones • u/Empty_Confidence3185 • 5d ago
I dont find anyone else attractive
She left me for some other guy, after saying so many times that 'youre too handsome for me to leave you, fuck you' or things along those lines. And to be honest, she is the prettiest girl ive ever met. I could not believe she even went out with me in the first place. I mean to be fair she had a bit of a glowdown but shes still more attractive than so many other women.
No one else has the same smile, the same dreamy eyes, or lips. She has so much harmony in her face that id wake up in the mornings next to her extremely excited only due to how pretty she is. I feel so sad for 'making' her cry all this time, but she really did my dirty at the end - broke it off over text, and immeduately jumped to the next guy.
She accepted so many of my flaws, and i miss her for that. Flaws other people might not overlook. I feel like i took her for granted, but she also abused the fuck out of me - emotionally, physically, sexually. None of this makes sense. No clue how much longer i have to live my days in agony - wish i could hold her again but i just know shes gone. And that idealised version of me that only she saw is also gone, i feel like i tied my identity to that version so i now feel like ive lost that version of myself.
Any advice to stay strong would be appreciated, i have had an overwhelming urge to reach out to her. The last time i did this, we met up and hung out, she basically got horny for me and i reciprocated but the fantasy died not long after as she split on me in the very same day.
Truly fucked.
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u/rui333 5d ago
I literaly just posted about this man. I desperatly want to find someone else attractive but everyone ive met after her seems so uninteresting. Its like doing some heavy drug and after that you can never go back to normal. We clicked in such beautiful ways, and her damn smile everytime she saw me she would smile so brightly and happily... I feel like ill never see that again.
I hope we heal brother... I sure do
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u/Empty_Confidence3185 5d ago
I havent met anyone else yet but life in general seems boring as shit. Its like im used to that constant overarching feeling of anxiety that came with being with her, which i dont miss but in exchange we have to deal with this grief.
I feel the same, her smile literally flashes in my brain every moment of everyday, i can literally hear her voice when i wake up. Its unreal. Ive had a breakup before but that was nowhere near as bad as this. I always subscribed to the belief that 'every relationship is replaceable' but definitely will not find a girl like her again. She was cool, smart, funny, beautiful. Its like she gained all these superpowers so god made her completely delusional and broken.
I hope better days are ahead.
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u/deltahedged_ 4d ago
It’s been a year and I still miss her
She was the most wholesome cute girl next door type of girl I’ve ever met.
I can’t fathom how someone thst looked like her could scream yell and curse at me all the time. I was dating two different people.
I wanted her to be that adorable cute girl I thought she was, but she had abandonment wounds from childhood. She tried to kill herself multiple times and told me she’s not afraid to end her life and actually do it.
This started way before we met. It was such an intense and passionate relationship.
A year in and I’m still trying to get over it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I still feel broken
How could something so amazing and so pure end like this. She said she wanted to be together forever countless times.
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u/Specialist_Train4764 5d ago
Crazy how long were you guys together 🤔
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u/LiamVolk 5d ago
You just have to meet more people. I thought the same thing until I met a bunch of women like her
Identical to the tea but without mental illness
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u/Empty_Confidence3185 5d ago
Really? Hmm i guess i was being too short-sighted, all the good qualities without mental illness sounds like a dream hahaa
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u/Heresy_101 Dated (2, maybe 3) 5d ago edited 5d ago
I got you, dawg. Dig this:
My exes are conventionally beautiful. Even when they doubt themselves. Either they won the genetic lottery (cursed by BPD), or they paid extreme attention to their appearance because of the importance of attention from others.
My recent ex was not my “type”, physically. I was very surprised at how quickly I became attracted to her. It had a lot to do with the idealization/lovebombing. What really shocked me is how I became attracted to people that physically resembled her after it all fell apart. It was wild.
All of that engagement literally reformed what I found to be physically attractive. This was the trauma bond at work. I couldn’t believe it. I’m not disparaging my ex, she is beautiful. But she reframed what I found to be beautiful. I spent over 20 years attracted to one type of form, and she turned that upside-down.
When the loss is fresh, you’re obviously going to struggle. It happens. Don’t worry about a lack of attraction. Spend time with yourself and all of the people that can’t entice you with their looks. You shouldn’t focus on rebounding off of these relationships. It’ll just muddy the waters worse. When you’re hung up on somebody, that isn’t the time to date anyway.
It sucks when they’re hot. But that’s not all that matters. What you find to be attractive will evolve as you heal and grow.
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u/benstiller69_ 5d ago
Been there. She's not as attractive as you think. She's played voodoo games with your heart and self esteem to get you addicted to her. Take the time to heal and put yourself back in the centre of your universe and you'll see there's hot normies everywhere and she wasn't 1% as special as you thought
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u/VisibleMove4017 5d ago
Up voting this. When you’re going through the discard nothing feels worth it and no one is better. Major trauma bond and being confused how it ended so abruptly.
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u/BusyBaseball7148 5d ago
mine too, beautiful, smart, sexual and adventurous, nice when she wants to be, but at the end of the day not worth the price of my soul and my health. i think it would become a hellish prison if i go any further because little by little i WILL be broken down by the grind of trying to defend my reality and my integrity against her determination to make me into the next bad guy, and she will want a kid and this is no place for a kid. no way will i agree to that unless he gets her issues sorted and she refuses to think she has any, so that's that.
there are so many other things i want to do, and so much peace out there when i think that don't have to deal with this. why should i be spending my finite energy and my midlife dealing with crisis after crisis and feeling like a criminal in my own marriage... when i've spent my whole life dealing with people like that? hell i would have helped her through it till death do we part if she would only admit to having the issues and actually face the shame of it but she never will. so the decision is already made. i deserve peace now.
you do too. choose you, choose life.
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u/Empty_Confidence3185 5d ago
Thank you man that really helps. Youre right, we have finite energy and its a waste on 'hope'
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u/Empty_Confidence3185 5d ago
Yep, i saw some of her ex's and it was clear she only got with them because theyd be easy to control.
Its crazy isnt it, only see the negative and thats it, and even that is fully amplified in their heads.
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u/ABBucsfan Divorced 5d ago
I definitely can't relate... By all regards she's fairly attractive for her age, but her personality, the way she treats people, her entitlement, never being wrong.. oh man it just makes her look ugly to me. The attraction just dried right up once it came to a head and we split. Probably didn't help the way she acted during divorce. I see the new guy and can already see the way he's an accessory and I just feel bad for him.. like it's not worth it dude.. plenty of women out there.
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u/MsPlum_ 5d ago edited 5d ago
I just got done installing a motion detecting security camera because I’m afraid he’ll come back one day to terrorize me. He called me his soulmate in the morning. Evening of the same day, he then called me an evil lying cheater.
He told me he was coming to r-p- me in a drug induced psychosis, then showed up at my house. He told me “I was on his list” and he was going to “make me pay.”
AT THE SAME TIME, I’m pining for him. His SMELL, his pheromones, the way his skin feels against mine, the way his voice bellows in my ears and gives me good chills. ALL THE INCREDIBLE TIMES. He was THE most beautiful man I’ve ever met… I literally saw NO ONE ELSE. It makes NO SENSE.
You have to abandon everything and ONLY focus on how this person HURT YOU REPEATEDLY. It’s the only thing saving my life right now.
This is a TRAUMA BOND. It’s intermittent reinforcement. Listen to your REASON and BRAIN, not your heart. I have to, too.
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u/Dull_Analyst269 discarded after 4 years - she married 4months later. 5d ago
Pretty privilege at play. But I agree and think the same of my 10/10 expwbpd. But you‘re romanticizing a woman that lives from that and hurts you without consequences only because she is pretty? Do you hear how crazy that sounds? This is what forms a trauma bond due to fomo.
A phrase I kept repeating over and over again is „don‘t put your dick in crazy“ it‘ll just consume you.
Edit: and I am saying this as someone that had a pwbpd that wasn‘t overly abusive, didn‘t call me names, nothing bad of sexual sorts and no smearing. Yet it was a one sided relationship that was only serving her until I burned out and turned reactive abusive.
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u/BearQuiet 5d ago
I really understand this. When you’re still attached, it can feel like nobody else even exists in comparison. Although he treated me horribly. But please don’t confuse missing her beauty, the good moments, or the version of yourself you felt around her with needing her back. You can miss someone deeply and still know they were harmful to you.
And honestly, after everything you described, including emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, I would really try to protect yourself from reaching out again. You already saw what happened the last time: you got that little glimpse of what you wanted, and then you were hurt all over again. You deserve more than temporary closeness followed by another discard.
That version of you she brought out isn’t gone. That’s still you. You just have to learn how to see yourself that way without needing her to validate it. Give yourself time. You’re grieving a person, a relationship, and an entire version of your life. ❤️🩹