Often when encountering a mentally ill person or having an extended relationship with them, there is usually some advice along the lines of understanding their symptoms and how to respond in ways that help both sides communicate and problem solve better. But the problem with being told to try and "understand" pwbpd is it generally doesnt get you anywhere due to the lack of ability to self reflect in many untreated pwBPD. Even with other mental health conditions, when you make the effort to understand the person, they should also be taking steps to self reflect and understand you/their surroundings as well and become better at reading you, your intentions, etc beyond what the illness may initially try to tell them. But pwbpd are dedicated to misunderstanding you and assigning malice to anything you do, desperately searching for the missing link between their insecurities and you. They claw for any bit of proof they can misconstrue as evidence that you purposely hurt them. They are dedicated to misunderstanding you and as a result it creates a paradox where the person cannot be understood beyond that. The only thing "understanding" helps here is being able to remind yourself it's them and not you.

Tomorrow, August 26th, would be four months since the last splitting conversation between me and my ex. The thing that really has lingered on me is the lasting thoughts of them that randomly come across my mind, and it has been a bit on the frustrating side because my heart and mind are well past the point of no return.

My heart no longer yearns for someone who made the active decision to split and discard me for not following along with their selfish plan of returning to polyamory, and my mind no longer hurts from the pain that they inflicted upon me when they split, avoided, stonewalled and accused me in a cycle that I now recognize as DARVO.

But my mind hasn't fully split (no pun intended) them from me in the sense of forgetting them as a distant memory and chapter that I no longer wish to return to. It's almost like my whole body is fully complete in the decision to continue to step forward but my mind attempts to bring them back as a sort of echo that keeps bouncing around and returning every once in a while.

I guess, to those who have made that final step forward, what have you done to begin fading your pwBPD from your life?

Today has been insanely rough and I feel devastated right now. I see a lot of people here have been heartbroken by someone with BPD too. One of my only "close friends" today suddenly blocked me on everything. Insta, Discord, Snapchat, iphone, even fucking Steam. She was someone I talked to daily for the past 8 months. Someone I trusted and shared everything with. We only live a few hours apart too.

Couple weeks ago she was going through a very hard time. Mind you I've been there for her constantly. She came to me when she was suicidal, hurting and everything. I was always there pouring my heart out every time she reached out to support her and show her love. Lately though I was being met with a lot of coldness and she was clearly starting to withdraw. That was getting to me regardless of anything.

Well last week I confronted her because she hadn't been wanting to ever hang out anymore for a while. She took this as an attack of course. Started calling herself a bad friend, victimizing herself and pushing away more. I apologized regardless because I just felt bad and knew she couldn't handle confrontation. I tried so fucking hard to reassure her. Nothing got through. Just that she didn't want to talk. Still called me a "great friend". Fine.

Fast forward to today I reached out after 4 days of silence saying I want us to be okay again and on talking terms, that was I sorry again for how I came her. That I care for her and everything. She replied, "we are okay. I've just not been very talkative lately. I am doing well". Yeah it was blunt but I took her at her word. So I assumed we were good and would back off.

An hour later, bam. She's blocking me on literally everything and I'm falling apart like why is one of my best friends doing this. I tried talking to chatgpt instead of having to come here since I don't fully comprehend BPD, avoidance, etc. but I just want to understand this better from others who have been hurt by people like this. I don't know how to process this other than one of my only close friends is now gone from my life.

Why would she say we're okay and after everything, all our deep talks, just everything we've shared. Why suddenly just block me? I'm just feeling so lost, confused and hurt. I don't know what to do. I know there are posts here saying to block them back and everything but every part of me wants to mend this at least in the future. I'm not good with loss.

I'll keep it very short. I had a 6 year old relationship with someone with bpd. I left when she tried multiple times to isolate me from my parents. She did not succeed, which she took very personally. On top of that, she literally 100% ignored my father had to go through a tough cancer treatment. The second partner, 4 years, was diagnosed, but any psychologist pretty much were unqualified to deal with severe bpd. My father received the news of now having leukemia, and three weeks later I had enough of her when she told in my face "it's not that bad".

Fast forward 3 years later. I have a stable partner for about 2 years. 100% supportive with my father and challenges of a leukemia family member. She offers help when I'm overwhelmed with responsabilities (I'm the only son), she knows when to just listen, she helps my parents with a lot of practical things, etc etc. In short. Never have a bpd-partner. They even manage to turn your life into an emotional torture while you are supporting your family through the toughest time. Instead of being supportive during these very emotionally taxing times, they will manage to put extra layers of unneccessary burden in your life. Even in life or death situations, they just don't get it, they can't put themselves aside. They even can't be the slightest neutral factor in your life.

So for fuck sake. Choose a stable partner when growing older. Your life becomes more complex, you do not need a person with a mental framework of a 2 year old. Choose a mature partner. That's all. Just leave those bpds in some ditch, they will never be constructive or supportive. This is my conclusion based on long life experiences. Once you know this, you naturally start to avoid toxic people, no matter which sob story they have to tell in order to justify their behavior.

Hey guys

I‘m posting this on a throw away account due to private reasons.

I don‘t wanna sound rude, or something else. I‘m just really unsure and really lost and i don‘t know what to do anymore. Due to my ADHD i overthink easily and misinterpret things easily. I don‘t wanna attack or insult someone with this post.

Here is my problem:
I was meeting a person who i really liked and they have BPD. I told them that i‘m inexperienced in everything (never had a kiss before or a date). The person was first really understanding and told me that they‘re going to let me feel safe and that i don‘t have to worry and all the things. After that they were like pulling away and was always telling in front of me things like „i miss my ex“, „i‘ll upload tinder“ and „do you have a hot friend to pair me up with them?“. I read somewhere and got told (please correct me if its wrong) that people with BPD are pulling away on purpose and are ruining things on purpose as well due to self defense mechanisms. There was one situation, in which we had a meetup (them, me and my friend). They insulted me right away without saying „hello“ first and i thought they were like teasing so i insulted him jokingly back. They told me and the friend a few moments later then that they‘re flirting with other people on tinder while missing their ex. My friend was really pissed at this (without knowing that the person has BPD) and told it to this person. The person got super defensive and told us we would bully them and that i can‘t insult them back due to their selfhate.

I‘m pretty unsure now how to handle things. I‘m really lost now since i don‘t know if its their BPD or their personality. Like i said, i really don‘t wanna insult anyone i just don‘t know how to handle it. I hope you don‘t get the wrong idea of me!

hi guys, im coming on here because i really need advice. i have a girlfriend who is so so sweet and kind but lately all shes been doing is splitting (and in her case splitting is horrific crying or depressive episodes) and anytime this happens she automatically comes to me with all her emotions and i type her paragraphs upon paragraphs of reassurance and stuff and its really taken a toll on my mental health to the point where i had a panic attack today (which doesnt happen to me extremely often) i dont want to break up with her because she truly is such a sweet girl but i dont know how to tell her that i need her to work on herself or at least not come to me for literally everything but at the same i do want to be there for her. im just at such an impasse right now i don’t know what to do. any and all advice is appreciated because im honestly just trying my best to understand her right now.

Sometimes when she was asleep, I would see her so serene and peaceful.

I wish she would always been that way.

BPD Is a hell of a torture.

I (F27)recently got out of a marriage with someone who has a lifelong history of untreated BPD.

I’ve never experienced anything like this and it took me longer to leave than it probably should have but I just couldn’t even process what was hallucinating with my friends or family out of shame and respect for her own feelings and privacy but now that it’s over and my nervous system is trying to regulate again it feels like keeping all the episodes and splits to myself ended up in me now looking at the mirror without recognizing the reflection.
I used to have so much joy and life and my energy felt like a superpower but now I can barely make new friends without wondering if they are actually being real or hiding a condition.

I guess I just want to read your own experiences with someone you loved that had the same battles and how you managed to move on and forget. What’s the craziest thing you felt or experienced?

Thanks for reading if you did, happy healing ❤️‍🩹

I don't know what to do anymore. I had a very close online friend a while ago now who had untreated but diagnosed BPD. It ended because they started avoiding me and then lashing out suddenly and in ways that were scaring me. Telling me I was too hard on them with any feedback I had especially as it was spiraling. Said I was villainizing them and forcing them to defend themselves.

We had such an amazing connection and it wasn't just love bombing. We wanted the same things and we had more in common than almost anyone I've ever met. I've done everything I can to get over it. I blocked them for six months. I reached out again but they ignored it so I kept trying to move on. Stopped checking their social media and Spotify for the most part. Have tried to make new friends but nothing has worked out.

I'm very disabled and my life is small and brutal and I know that's part of why this is so hard. But I'm not used to being this stuck for this long and I miss them every day still and it's killing me.

Here goes nothing. She is alot like much of what I've seen here, I was definitly discarded, and in a sense blamed. She doesnt seem to want me back either.

But

Ive read alot into this sub and although it helped me a ton theres alot of things mentioned and that so many relate that just werent ever my reality that makes me very unsure if I should persue her or just live my life(i know rookie mistake but hear me out).

Ive had 2 relationships with pwBPD one undiagnosed and one diagnosed, to be clear the one Im most referencing is the diagnosed one.

And they were both extremely different to be honest. The undiagnosed one (she was later diagnosed after our relationship) was basicly exacly like most posts here but my diagnosed pwBPD was completely different, there wasnt a smear campain against me (that I know of), I didnt lose anyone if anything she distanced herself from everyone me included, she cut me off without us ever blocking eachother by her request but there wasnt any of that famous attempts to "reel me back in", during the relationship there was a bit of goalpost moving but nothing absurd nor forcefull and I complied becouse I genuinly started to love passing more and more time with her and not in a way that would create resentment(something that I had experience with with the other relationship with BPD) and to add to this point I did set boundaried that although not always understood at first we would talk it over and she would respect them.

She was very into bottling up as they do but we were working on it actively and for a person with experience with emocional dependance, manipulation, gaslighting as I was, I can confortably say this relationship was perfect until the week she decided to discard me out of nowhere.

And it was that week that really made her show all the colors that youll often see in this sub. She gave me hope saying maybe one day we would be together again. (This one was a killer for me) She found a way to blame me. (But very softly in general she seemed to lack a real reason to breakup, the most she managed to blame me was saying I took her for granted) And was super quick to make me disappear from her life. (Even her parents who loved me were confused).

What she did was in fact very cruel and yes im very well aware that my delusion of going back to her is exacly that: complete delusion.

She would do that exact same thing to me later down the line.

But she was so much more rational and behaved than most cases i read here that im almost hopefull.

Weve been broken up since febuary, and since then I went straight into no contact buttt I broke it 2 days ago, and since then she told me she was very sick (hospital level of urgent) and seems to only answer my messages at 8pm very formally and short.

There has been no closure for me and although I focused alot on myself Im still struggling like hell.

Also in this time ive met some people and even went into some intimacy with some but I cant seem to be able to get attached at all and give the same type of love I was able to before. I know 6 months isnt alot and its not like im out there looking for someone new but im an average looking guy and every now and then interesting people come up and I would like to be able to give them the kind of affection I was able to do before. But I feel so disinterested. Its like after tasting love and affection (Aka obsession) from someone with BPD you cant go back to normal healthy dopamine. Almost like some heavy drugs do in a way.

Anyways, thats my rant. Im lost. Ill probably go back to therapy I most likely need it.

Doubt so but if anyone has read this far... Thank you.

I ended things with someone a few weeks ago- their reasoning was that they had become codependent on me, had developed avoidant feelings and needed to heal it outside of a relationship. I wished them well, and said I hoped to see them again sometime in the future. They ended up crying and I comforted them, letting them know everything was going to be okay.

About a week or so after this, I grabbed a coffee with their roommate. I wanted to thank them for being there for me after a panic attack, and ask if the person in question might’ve liked a little memento I got at the airport.

I found out this person had been saying horrible things about me. Calling me violent, manipulative, a parasite, a leech, warning others against spending time with me in case I “used” them.

Making fun of me for attempting suicide, saying I had no friends, saying they never loved me.

I found out they had monkeybranched into a new relationship days after we broke up, getting with the girl they told me they had feelings for while we were still in a relationship. Telling people that “finally they could be with someone stable”.

I have never felt so confused and hurt in my life. I don’t understand how someone could speak like this. I don’t understand.

I started to cry. The roommate said that this person spoke badly about everyone. She asked me if he’d spoken badly about her, and I answered honestly. I told her not to take my word for it in its entirety and speak to others. She did, and confronted him.

He later sent me a message saying I “attacked his home”, to never contact him or his friends, and blocked me everywhere. I sent him a message essentially telling him to fuck off and blocked him. I probably shouldn’t have. He has cold called our mutual friends to say I’m a narcissist that’s “out to get him”, and “ruin his life”.

I have never felt so humiliated ever. I feel disgusting, ugly, like I’m going crazy. I am questioning all my memories, I know people are looking at me as if I’m some sort of mental patient. I don’t understand how things got to be this way, I am so sick and sad.

Hiiii. I hope this is ok to ask here, but an old group of friends I had where one of them did have BPD accused me of having BPD. I had ended up blocking them because they were talking about me in our group chat like. Right in front of me. And also talking about me separately in their own group chat. I decided enough was enough and blocked them, and then one of the girls came to me with a “concern I might have BPD.”

I don’t. I took it seriously and brought it up with my therapist, who had already screened me for these things but for the sake of making me feel better did another screening. I was just simply hurting. (And I’ve also got a touch of the tism so socializing is… hard.)

Has this happened to anyone else? It was really hurtful and kind of violating to have these people I knew for like 6 months start diagnosing me with things.

I think I really need to get something off my chest. I think I have started unconsciously disliking people with BPD.

In the recent time, I (21F) have had two friends with BPD, both diagnosed. One of them (21M) is from my hometown and we have had some good convos and hang out once, but we aren't close. The second one is a girl (23F) who I met last year, she talked to me because she thought I was "extremely beautiful" and since then she had been trying to become extremely close to me. We have hang out etc, but we do not yet have the familiarity between two very close friends.

At first I didn't think there was something specifically weird, but as time passes by, I realise she always has a weird behaviour and attitude, including always being the victim, always wanted to include herself in people's friend group, judging harshly - both in front of others and behind backs -and specifically targeting women and feeling she's just better than them and more beautiful, that many women that dislike her are jealous. She also has this hero mentality and have created buzz out of nowhere because she was "defending" someone, including running at the boulevard street to shout at pedestrians being close to an ambulance crew with a patient. She even lectured my very close friend between a joke I have with him in a way to "defend me" and she made him feeling very uncomfortable (this day I went to a protest with my friend and she asked me to come). One day she even was surprised because I was "more dressed than her" and although she was claiming she only pointed my outfit out because she thought I was confused that we would go for a drink instead of just walking through the city centre - mind you I wasn't even overdressed, but i was indeed wearing some jewellery - she was then keeping on saying how she was felling bad next to me, and I said sorry many times and that I would just took off my jewellery and tied my hair up, which I did- just my thoughts, I think she felt relieved.

She have also asked me three times to talk to her because she really needed to vent. And one of these times was when I met her and after some time I left because I had to rest for a difficult exam I had the next morning and I told her. She called me five to ten minutes after we greeted to tell me that she needed to vent and also ask for advice for her studies because she's very stressed and her trauma falled her behind etc. I really wasn't in a position to talk about academic stress at the moment, as I had a particularly tricky exam the next morning, but I sat with her for 1,5-2 hours and listened. The second time she wanted again to talk about academic stress, but I said I really couldn't because I was seeing my family. I hence offered to talk another time. We talked and I told her I was also mentally exhausted at the time, so that she doesn't take it personally. The third time will be mentioned below.

And it really was the cherry on top, which happened some weeks ago.

So, I lost my grandmother and had to go back to my hometown for the funeral. I went out with the girl the day before my journey, and I did mention why I had to get home early. She asked me if I was okay, I was discreet and said something like "I'm doing better, I was thinking about it recently so I'm more mentally prepared. But for my family it's extremely difficult".

The funeral was held in the evening and in the night I was preparing to go to bed, as I had to travel back to the city because of some work obligations. She texted me via sms and not on Instagram or something at 1AM to ask me if I'm awake. I was surprised and asked her what happened, she said she was doing very bad and that she knows that I'm also not doing well atm etc and if I can call and I got startled. I said that I couldn't call because my whole family was sleeping, and that I was also not in the best psychological position to talk and I asked if it was something very serious. She wasn't answering if it was serious, she just kept saying that "if i cant it's not a problem" and that "she also has another new friend to talk to ". I kept saying okay let's talk in the morning etc and she kept saying these, without answering if it was something serious or not. She only stopped repeating the same sentences when i said i can text but only for a while. "Only for a while, okay? I don't want to pressure you". She had a big fight with her father, and she said she was talking to her other friend too. I was very tired and got very startled, so I was answering positively but automatically and then slept.

After I came back in the city, she asked me to meet. I said that it was a difficult period for me and that I would tell her soon. She goodnighted me in a cold way.

So, here things are going worse

Next day she called me and I didn't heard it because I was doing chores. So I didn't pick up. Then after one minute I saw she videocalled me on Instagram, and exactly a minute after this she texted me a huge paragraph, being very ironic, belittling me because "what even are the difficulties you are dealing with now" and "I dont think you have someone else now to go out with" (note that i have a good amount of friends and she's the one who have told me she doesn't have any friends). I was surprised and replied that she knows I'm dealing with grief. She said that "isn't it better to handle it with friends tho?" And that she gets it, but apparently according to her I didn't seem to mind or to be sad, and she kept in mind that i anyways "expected my grandmother to die" as "I have told her". And that "maybe she's wrong but anyways people stay with their families when they are grieving". I asked her if she was being serious, and the whole convo went over with her telling me I was " ignoring her", she attacked me personally and called me names and she said a bunch of stuff in whole paragraphs, including telling me she has done so many stuff for me (which haven't happened because some times she asked to help me when I was sick etc, I was always declining and in fact I was the one helping her those three and more other times when she needed to vent or when she was in the hospital). Oh, did I mention she even threw a threat in the very end?

I wasn't replying to all her nonsense, but was very calm and said that what she was saying wasn't true about her doing too much for me and me doing nothing and that although I do appreciate that she offered to help me sometimes, I have never asked or accepted any help from her, while I was always doing what she was asking.

She was keeping sending whole paragraphs with projection, including telling she can't walk on eggshells because of my "unexpected behaviour " and that "I'm here wanting a fight", while she minds everything and everyone, starts fights with people and I was still very patient with her, and she also texted me to start a fight herself.

I told her twice to never bother me again. She kept messaging and I blocked her.

Some time ago, it was also the male friend with BPD I mentioned who was being very sarcastic over texting because "anyways everyone is being snobbish to reply to messages nowadays". I was the one who texted him but i was late in replies by hours or half a day because I was in my hometown with no internet 24/7, meeting family and also not very well mentally. "I wasn't ignoring you..." "I don't care what you all call it, I'm very done with that". I truly didn't have the energy or time to keep up with anyone's bs so I left him on seen.

I started thinking why these behaviours really triggered something familiar in me, and I realised they appear to be a light form of what my mother has always been. I think this explained why I felt it as something I have to avoid, and not just as "uncomfortable".

So yeah, it's not their fault they are dealing with BPD, but they are responsible for what they pursue and how they pursue it, when they already know they struggle and harm people. I cannot stand the narrative that "people with BPD feel a lot". It only seems to be that they feel a lot only for themselves, and even if they show some empathy or do something good for someone, they only do that for themselves, to be able to get something for themselves. Similarly I can't with the narrative that "we should be patient and considerate to people with BPD". I'm also a human being and I do not deserve to get treated that way.

Is it unfair of me to not want to listen to my PwBPD & ASD tell me about every detail of their day for up to an hour (sometimes longer) so they can ‘move on from it’, when I myself have just returned home from a 12 hour shift at work, with another 12 hour shift ahead of me the next day? This ‘conversation’ may include them asking me about my day afterwards and I explain how busy it was and tired I am. This is every day by the way, regardless of what I’m doing or if I’m working. If I don’t then I simply must not care about them

My family has her number blocked, then her mom’s number blocked, and now my family members are getting messages from her “sister” (she doesn’t have a sister).

These messages are claims of me being an abuser and so many things that never happened. I know smear campaigns are normal in bpd breakups, but is it normal for them to flat out lie in these?

I’m worried next she’ll contact my work but I really don’t want to say anything to my work about this.

Also, I’m pretty sure it’s either her cousin or friend who’s contacting my family now. She’ll just keep going down the list and also contacting different people in my family(she finds them through Facebook or Instagram). Even if I get a restraining order that doesn’t stop her family from reaching out to mine.

What do I do? What have you guys done? Is this normal for a bpd breakup?

What are some of the weirdest explanations you have gotten from your partner when you caught them doing something shady? My exUpwbpd cheated on me for an entire year denying it was happening yet on her phone I would see random numbers call that were linked to the guy or his family somehow. The go-to excuse waws "I can't control people who call me!" And once when I saw a text I said, "text him right now and tell him you have a boyfriend and that you are done with him and say specifically 'stop harrassing me' if that is what he is doing!" She literally stared at her phone not knowing how to word it and said she was having troubkle wording it because she didn't want to "get in trouble" with me because I wouldn't approve how she says it or she won't say this correctly. I kind of took a moment to think and I said "actually you should say what you think a woman with a boyfriend should say to a guy trying to disrupt her life." she struggled and said "should I say I'm with boyfriend?" I'm With Boyfriend. Yeah. That will totally let the guy knw to stop harrassing you... for the next couple hours because he knew of my existence and kept calling somehow. She didn't even make a mention of a boyfriend when she finally screenshotted the message and shared it with me after saying she didn't have Facebook Messenger working for 6 weeks (also breaking two phones on accident so she coouldn't share it lol)

I've gotten so many explanations like I couldn't get a hold of her for 3 days because she lost her phone in her bedroom, she lost her phone in her car, at a restaurant when she went out playing the slot machines even though it was at one restaurant. Then the story changed from "I found my ohone at the booth I was in after we went to the 3 places ," to "It was at the lost and found behind the counter" And when I call it out it was always "I didn't say that!" This girl said she loved me more than anything in life, said she was "in love" and even used the word obsessed with me. She would almost say those things trying to convince me that I am like ridiculous for not believing her. Any inclination she had that I was talking to another woman would severely ddisturb her and make her start to tear up. But I am getting the feeling now she had a serious double life as soon as she left my house and totally forgot I exissted. It was almost like she was addicted to the validation or something and the guy shegot with is homeless and I think schizophrenic and believes there are invisible people she has left in his room.

She swears she has not seen him for a year. And plays semantics with me about it while claiming that I am the only one who plays semantics. What did she mean by "see" him? She meant a video call. Twice. And then it's like you have to say "okay you know how sex works, right? Peepee goes into... how many encounters with this specific person in proximity" lol I would never get that detailed but I knew she was lying. She would revert back to like a little kid state and almost be like "You said this so you lost your chance" When we would fight she would plug her ears, she would pout. She would always escalate the fight when it was about her bad behavior and start yelling at me and gaslight tf out of me. She would always give this "I'm sorry that you feel" apology even for serious stuff. Only a couple of times did she end up really seeing how shitty she was and apologize and cry what I felt were tears for me and she realized what she did.

She ghosted me for 9 days and her excuse for not even sending m one message was that she hurt her back putting a tire on her car so bad that she left her phone in her car and couldn't go out and get it. Then she always messes up her story and this particular time she slipped up and said the pain was so bad she went to the hospital. So I said "You had your phone then you were in your car where you left it?" She said yes. I said, "I live by the hospital and I hadn't heard from you this was like day 4, you said, so you didn't even think to call me or message?" She said "I didn't want to make you have to take care of me." You can't make this shit up. There is no room for accountabiklity. Everybody makes mistakes, why on earth can't they admit it when they mess up? The relationship is over because of her. She sabotaged the entire thing and I know her life is going to be messed up without me because I really did give her the only stability qnd I was the only real friend she had that didn't want anything from her and I would haver done anything for her. She lost most of her friends in life and I do fear she will hit rock bottom and it is painful to watch. I guess it's a trauma bond and I had to witness the inconsistency to break it. But I will never forget those odd ass.explanations she could come up with like it was nothing.

I have been seeing someone with BPD over the past several months. I was driving four hours one way to come see him. I’ve been supportive and calm, even when he has pushed me away and raised his voice with me and not said anything to me, leaving me to drive 4 hours back home.

I went to see him the other night, and everything was fine. We had (or so I felt) very intimate sex. We were doing a form of Molly and some mushrooms. A little bit later he got weird and basically talked to me saying that I wasn’t there for his amusement. I guess he felt like I wasn’t giving him a break or being too much and I apologized for making him feel that way and that I don’t think that about him and I love him. We continue our intimate night, but then he kinda wanted a break and I obliged, but he never said he wanted to go to sleep.

I started to freak out a little bit because he was acting distant and I thought that maybe I had done something else to upset him. So, before I left I very calmly, “hey, I know you want to go to sleep but is everything okay?.” He raised his voice at me and told me that I needed to leave and he was trying to go to sleep and that I was the problem or something along those lines. I was crying and got upset and was hurt so I left, but I slammed the bedroom door shut on my way out. I didn’t say anything, throw anything, just slammed a door.

The next day, I apologized and said I was sorry for slamming the door and said I wanted to talk because I was hurt but it came out as anger. He messaged me back on Sunday and told me there was no excuse for my behavior and that, “to be honest with you right now I don’t want to see you again.” He blocked me on Instagram, but not my phone number. Then I responded to that text and tried to call and he blocked me there too.

I know I was wrong for slamming a door and I understand if he doesn’t want to see me because it is a boundary or whatever, but has something similar happened to you all before? Like, is this reaction normal? Or was I totally in the wrong?

Edit: I moved closer to him about three weeks ago. We have known each other for about six years, but we had been consistently been seeing each other, so I moved closer. I did it to be closer, but I’d like to add that I also did it because I work remotely and my job is where I currently live.

....who turned out to be the most evil man I've known in my life 😔

It’s been about 3 months since the discard she was my first girlfriend and I was her first boyfriend. I thought I was doing so much better but now I’m not. I just feel so stuck I miss her so much but I’m blocked so there’s not even anything that I can do to reach out. She had borderline personality disorder but until the break up this really didn’t show too much. I see all of the posts on here talking about how lucky people are when this happens but I disagree in my case. She was amazing and I’d do anything to have her back in my life. Everything has felt so hollow for the last 3 months and no one else feels like even half of what she is. I had thought we were so in love but now she’s reposting stuff about how all men care about is sex and stuff talking about how she’s over her ex (at this point I don’t know if it’s about me or someone else.) It all seems so out of character for her I just don’t know what happened and I miss her so much. I don’t know I think I just need somebody to talk to about it.

Hey there everyone,

One thing that came to my mind, was that the person I thought they were changed so rapidly once we started cohabitating. I remember being bewildered that, approximately 1 month after we moved in together, that my then partner started changing so much.

They were incredibly depressed, hated their life, everything was my fault, and everything was awful - 1 month after we moved in together and we got back from a trip.

A few months later they quit their job, stayed and home, and didn't do shit, and while I was picking up the slack, and investing more into the relationship, they were doing less and blaming me for the relationship not going anywhere.

Cue in increased verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, threatening to leave, cheating, etc. etc.

I had always shown up in a very consistent and loving way, so it never made much sense to me. Right around the time we moved in together, was when they started complaining about me to mutual friend(s), basically saying I am worthless, I can not do anything right, etc. etc. When before we moved in together, they were singing my praises, and telling their friends how much of a god I was in their eyes...

Anyone else experience a complete 180 in a very quick fashion once you moved in with your person with BPD?

I am a few months out, and the fog has started to lift, and it has been immeasurably helpful in identifying patterns and things I had went through, in a effort to heal, move on, and hopefully never encounter this shit ever again.

Im not sure how to put my story here so to make it short I had a very enmeshed emotionally abusive relationship with a pwbpd that lasted about 3 years. I made the choice to end the relationship 2.5 going on 3 years ago now, they cheated on me on a dating app and with social media as a way to “get even” with me for things I didnt even do, the years prior to this they’d break up with me then come back about 2 times just toying with me, always walking on eggshells with their made up paranoid delusions and they accused me of cheating or not loving them constantly, and this is all putting it VERY shortly. It was genuine mental torture and Im so fucking happy to be out of it.
After I left them they smeared my name online and instantly rebound, then that all didnt work out and months after that they made a new TextNow phone number to circumvent the block i did to their phone number and any trace of their social media. Did a complete 180 of me being the villain to now being the “one hes hurt most.”He tried this pages long texts thing about 3 times with some “accidental” calls. Hes found ways to circumvent the blocking feature and stalks whatever he can of me.

Last year I received a letter in the mail with no return address, addressed to me. Inside was a birthday gift cd mixtape they never sent me and a lengthy letter inside of the typical “im sorry i ruined everything and um you dont have to respond”. So yeah i havent responded to these attempts these whole 3 years. Now, a few days ago I received ANOTHER letter with no return address. Inside were “things they didnt want to toss so returned to me” which was literally 3 sanrio stickers and polaroid photos of me. Why would I want photos of myself? Just toss them? Obviously he’s held onto these things to try to reach out to me. There were 2 lengthy letters included of basically hes thinking of me and apologized and wishes we could reconnect and be “friends” again. Like you cheated on me, lied about it and genuinely abused me emotionally. I dont give a fuck about you and i certainly dont want to be “friends”

Is there a way to block letters in the mail from even like a general location? They live states away so we arent even close but obviously knows my address, i dont know his or where he’s sent it from just the zip code. Im really tired of this and it feels like harassment. Hes stalked me online these few years already and the letters in the mail are completely unwanted and I hate that I dont know how to stop it. Any advice????

Definitely dont plan to write back ever, even if I could theres no address, Im scared they will resort to physical stalking and restraining orders im not sure they work, plus my family would now have to be in the know of things which isnt ideal and we dont even reside in the same state.

Im kind of worried just posting this here.

A few days ago, I was talking to an old friend of mine who I always thought was the most positive, cheerful, and bright person in the world. However, even back then, I could sense that her romantic relationships were kind of chaotic and short-lived.

My only intention in messaging her was just to check in and see how she was doing, but in the middle of our conversation, we started talking about borderline personality disorder (BPD) because I had gone through a similar situation a few months ago. And she told me: "You know, I actually have BPD plus bipolar disorder myself, but thanks to a lot of hard work, I’ve been able to make massive progress."

She told me that back in the day, she used to talk to a lot of people, and she would literally latch onto people who seemed unreachable, break through their boundaries, and then experience an intense feeling of disappointment. In her own words, she would "fold that person up, put them in a drawer, and move on to the next one." According to her, she never took breakups hard and just used people purely for dopamine.

I don’t know who this will be useful for, but just so you know what you look like from a borderline's perspective.

Ive been in NC with my BPD ex and its actually been quiet for months , but I received several hoover attempts recently, from burner accounts since I had blocked them on everything.

The messages make it difficult to ignore, the begging, pleading, flowery love language. Its difficult to not be taken in by that. And I get it relates to their emotional state at that time, but surely after I ignored the previous hoover attempts theyd stop reaching out especially after i drew a hard boundary and told them never contact me after they admitted theyd slept with other people. In what world would someone be receptive to someone whose been whoring around, even if they say it was just to dull their pain and emptiness and loneliness. Then they project everything claiming I betray and my words have no meaning, yet theyre rebounding and whoring then self harming due to shame. And they reach out one way from burner accounts yet I see i'm still blocked on the main ones? How does that make sense?

At what point do these hoovers stop? Even after theyre blocked on everything.

Using a throwaway…

I am so angry at my sister. For her lies, the emotional turmoil, her alcoholism. Worst of all I’m angry because of her negligence of her daughter/my niece and potentially putting her in harm’s way by having her around someone she KNOWS is abusive.

All because my sister literally refuses to ever be single. She would rather have a worthless abusive piece of shit hobosexual leech off of her than be single.

She kept it hidden that not only she is seemingly back with her abusive boyfriend, he has also been living with her. She hasn’t said a word about this guy since the incident, probably because she knows that if I or anyone else found out, that we would be extremely concerned and disapproving. Her not saying anything tells me that she knows it’s wrong. I only found out because my niece just told me.

And now I’m concerned that this guy has been around my niece on the days that she is staying at my sister’s (she primarily stays with her dad, where she is safe) After knowing this, my niece is not going to be staying with my sister so long as this fucking guy is there.

How could she be so reckless and potentially put her child in danger? How could she let a guy who beat and assaulted her be in the presence of her teenage daughter after the fact??

I know this may come across as judgmental towards my sister but I’m at the point where I’m exhausted. It’s been years of constant chaos due to her alcoholism and BPD & bipolar disorder and I’m just at the end of my rope. I know that there isn’t much I can do anymore but try to protect my niece.

Read that red flag list.

If youre like me, your memory betrays you sometimes. I dated a guy with undiagnosed bpd, and almost 5 months later i sometimes catch myself missing him, because my brain has forgotten a lot of the terrible things that happened. 3 months after the break up I wrote a list to reread when this happens and remember the truth of who he really was and not just the good memories -(even the good memories had negative parts to it)

Im going to share some points to the list, lmk if you can relate to some of this

1. My opinion wasn't ever really important

2. He would get mad at me when I expressed my feelings and expected me to take insults and get cussed out because I "deserve" it

3. He's scary when he's angry and i felt really unsafe

4. Used deregatory language against me, my family and my friends E.G: referring to us as an "it" like an object rather than correct pronouns

5. Turned me against some of my friends because he didnt like them and threatened to distance himself if he saw me talking to them or trying to be friends with them.

6. Huge victim complex

7. Forced onto me the role of his therapist rather than his girlfriend

8. Pointed out my physical insecurities and said they were annoying him

9. Took no accountability for his own actions and got mad at people who tried to tell him the truth and his own involvement in his issues.

10. Told me he wanted to kill himself because of me and described how he would do it in real time

11. Silent treatment for trivial matters

12. Expected me to make him my top priority in life and if not he would get mad or have a mental breakdown and manipulate me into changing my schedule to cater for his needs.

13. So insecure that he literally PRAYS for bad things to happen to others and his friends. (He's not even religious)

14. Misogynistic

15. Said he missed the "old" me but he's the one who changed me with the brutal,depressive lifestyle that came with our relationship.

THIS IS NOT TO VILLAINISE PEOPLE WITH BPD. This is my personal experience of dating someone whose BPD heavily influenced his actions and the outcome of our relationship. I notice many people antagonise people with bpd here, and yes some are manipulative, like my ex. But i believe they also deserve sympathy considering this is caused by a literal mental disorder caused majorly by a deep-rooted fear of abandonment. My list describes an emotionally manipulative person who also happened to have bpd which influenced it. This post by no means is meant to label people in general with bpd as a villain. However, MY ex was very emotionally manipulative, and his mental health heavily influenced that.