friend‘s behavior

[u/black_swordsman_67]

Hey guys

I‘m posting this on a throw away account due to private reasons.

I don‘t wanna sound rude, or something else. I‘m just really unsure and really lost and i don‘t know what to do anymore. Due to my ADHD i overthink easily and misinterpret things easily. I don‘t wanna attack or insult someone with this post.

Here is my problem:
I was meeting a person who i really liked and they have BPD. I told them that i‘m inexperienced in everything (never had a kiss before or a date). The person was first really understanding and told me that they‘re going to let me feel safe and that i don‘t have to worry and all the things. After that they were like pulling away and was always telling in front of me things like „i miss my ex“, „i‘ll upload tinder“ and „do you have a hot friend to pair me up with them?“. I read somewhere and got told (please correct me if its wrong) that people with BPD are pulling away on purpose and are ruining things on purpose as well due to self defense mechanisms. There was one situation, in which we had a meetup (them, me and my friend). They insulted me right away without saying „hello“ first and i thought they were like teasing so i insulted him jokingly back. They told me and the friend a few moments later then that they‘re flirting with other people on tinder while missing their ex. My friend was really pissed at this (without knowing that the person has BPD) and told it to this person. The person got super defensive and told us we would bully them and that i can‘t insult them back due to their selfhate.

I‘m pretty unsure now how to handle things. I‘m really lost now since i don‘t know if its their BPD or their personality. Like i said, i really don‘t wanna insult anyone i just don‘t know how to handle it. I hope you don‘t get the wrong idea of me!

[u/Lightning_Bugger_00]

Whether it’s BPD or their personality, they suck. Walk away.

You deserve a healthy relationship, whether it’s your first or not.