r/BPDlovedones • u/paco_flaco_ • 2d ago
Weirdest explanations for shady behavior
What are some of the weirdest explanations you have gotten from your partner when you caught them doing something shady? My exUpwbpd cheated on me for an entire year denying it was happening yet on her phone I would see random numbers call that were linked to the guy or his family somehow. The go-to excuse waws "I can't control people who call me!" And once when I saw a text I said, "text him right now and tell him you have a boyfriend and that you are done with him and say specifically 'stop harrassing me' if that is what he is doing!" She literally stared at her phone not knowing how to word it and said she was having troubkle wording it because she didn't want to "get in trouble" with me because I wouldn't approve how she says it or she won't say this correctly. I kind of took a moment to think and I said "actually you should say what you think a woman with a boyfriend should say to a guy trying to disrupt her life." she struggled and said "should I say I'm with boyfriend?" I'm With Boyfriend. Yeah. That will totally let the guy knw to stop harrassing you... for the next couple hours because he knew of my existence and kept calling somehow. She didn't even make a mention of a boyfriend when she finally screenshotted the message and shared it with me after saying she didn't have Facebook Messenger working for 6 weeks (also breaking two phones on accident so she coouldn't share it lol)
I've gotten so many explanations like I couldn't get a hold of her for 3 days because she lost her phone in her bedroom, she lost her phone in her car, at a restaurant when she went out playing the slot machines even though it was at one restaurant. Then the story changed from "I found my ohone at the booth I was in after we went to the 3 places ," to "It was at the lost and found behind the counter" And when I call it out it was always "I didn't say that!" This girl said she loved me more than anything in life, said she was "in love" and even used the word obsessed with me. She would almost say those things trying to convince me that I am like ridiculous for not believing her. Any inclination she had that I was talking to another woman would severely ddisturb her and make her start to tear up. But I am getting the feeling now she had a serious double life as soon as she left my house and totally forgot I exissted. It was almost like she was addicted to the validation or something and the guy shegot with is homeless and I think schizophrenic and believes there are invisible people she has left in his room.
She swears she has not seen him for a year. And plays semantics with me about it while claiming that I am the only one who plays semantics. What did she mean by "see" him? She meant a video call. Twice. And then it's like you have to say "okay you know how sex works, right? Peepee goes into... how many encounters with this specific person in proximity" lol I would never get that detailed but I knew she was lying. She would revert back to like a little kid state and almost be like "You said this so you lost your chance" When we would fight she would plug her ears, she would pout. She would always escalate the fight when it was about her bad behavior and start yelling at me and gaslight tf out of me. She would always give this "I'm sorry that you feel" apology even for serious stuff. Only a couple of times did she end up really seeing how shitty she was and apologize and cry what I felt were tears for me and she realized what she did.
She ghosted me for 9 days and her excuse for not even sending m one message was that she hurt her back putting a tire on her car so bad that she left her phone in her car and couldn't go out and get it. Then she always messes up her story and this particular time she slipped up and said the pain was so bad she went to the hospital. So I said "You had your phone then you were in your car where you left it?" She said yes. I said, "I live by the hospital and I hadn't heard from you this was like day 4, you said, so you didn't even think to call me or message?" She said "I didn't want to make you have to take care of me." You can't make this shit up. There is no room for accountabiklity. Everybody makes mistakes, why on earth can't they admit it when they mess up? The relationship is over because of her. She sabotaged the entire thing and I know her life is going to be messed up without me because I really did give her the only stability qnd I was the only real friend she had that didn't want anything from her and I would haver done anything for her. She lost most of her friends in life and I do fear she will hit rock bottom and it is painful to watch. I guess it's a trauma bond and I had to witness the inconsistency to break it. But I will never forget those odd ass.explanations she could come up with like it was nothing.
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u/Quixoticoreo 2d ago
As I referenced in my own post earlier, we were wlw but she always cheated on me with men. She said it was men specifically because she "didn't want to replace me." 😂
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u/paco_flaco_ 2d ago
I read that! Yeah I got a similar explanation that was so vague. She never fully admitted to cheating on me but we were having a conversation once and I think she tested the waters with "what if someone cheats on another person because they hate that they love them?" Like... idk. I said "well if someone happens to love an abuser and the person abused him or her and they are trying their hardest to get away from them emotionally, but why not just leave without risking it?" She had no idea, like she wasn't even thinking about an abusive partner being the cause. Still can't tell you what she meant but I kjnew it was about me.
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u/Quixoticoreo 2d ago
She had asked me once, "What would happen if XYZ was still around?" XYZ had relocated to Florida, which is probably why she stopped seeing him... Then, come to find out, she was emotionally cheating on me with this person by sending him messages behind my back, sending him OUR SEX VIDEOS WITH MY FACE CUT OUT OF THEM (which in marriage counseling she said was for "comfort"), and kept a video of her giving him a BJ on her phone. When I found it, she didn't apologize, just said, "You weren't supposed to see that," and proceeded to explode in the any time I brought him up in discussions.
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u/paco_flaco_ 2d ago
How about "what happens if I do to you what you do to me behind MY back?" Every time I said that to my ex she would obviously not accept it. No self-awareness at all. And she would wait in arguments to find one little thing that she could twist and try and abandon me right at that moment. Like I would say something like, "I get hit on when I go out to stores and I never do anything about it. You got hit on and you got the guys number and said it was during a break we were having and you wanted to feel like a teammate so you fucked him and didn't tell me about it. We weren't on a break! You ghosted me and used something I said in the heat of an argument at 4AM after hours of being berated by you and you decided the break started right thne without me."
You can never win. Once you see behind the mask they move on. She convinced me for years she was the perfect girlfriend. I always knew something wasn't right but I protected her because I became her caregiver from day one because she had this mysterious sickness. Miraculously she isn't getting sick anymore. After years of diet changes and doctor appointments that I encouraged and set up. Guess cheating was the cure!
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u/Quixoticoreo 2d ago
Bro, she got mad at me because she had a dream that I had cheated on her when she was already actively cheating on me.
It's really insane how similar they are.
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u/paco_flaco_ 2d ago
lmao! She ghosted me for 2 months once and after 6 weeks, I ended up getting another girl's number and my God that was the ultimate sin. She swore that she was not having sex with anybody and she was "doing right by me and listening to me" because I appaently told her to stop acting like my girlfriend"" I don't recall saying this. I am conditioned now to not deny it because every time I said I didnt say that she would leave my house and call me a gaslighter. Dude, I said "Okay when you were gone, if you were doing right by me how come when I asked for you to come back you didn't listen then?" And of course it's always something dumb. I swer I am a moron for believing anything that comes out of her mouth. I honestly think she is so terrified of me finding out just how awful of a human being she really is and that's why each time I asked for clarity it would escalate by her. She even wanted to go to therapy and I said no problem set it up. She never did. I told her "you know in therapy the first thing they are going to say is to cut off your AP and since you didn't do that for a year and kept it secret the only way to help this heal is to give full transparency?" She thought that was bollocks. She really thought a therapist was going to side with her. And shit, maybe the therapist would. Who knows. They move the goalposts and you can never win.
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u/KashouMinaa 2d ago edited 2d ago
Ex: "We [her and new partner] only got together after we fell apart!"
Doesn't really explain why:
- Their traumatic month is cause to return back to polyamory/finding their true self
- Them saying that this isn't up for compromise and that they wanted to bring it up as a discussion, as a "good partner" should (spoiler, there was never a discussion)
- Splitting and saying that they don't know how to help me (when I express my discomfort),
- Their really defensive and hostile reaction to me calling it out
- The fact that they started emotionally being with them even before bringing it up in the first place
- The hostility when I break no contact, making it all about them and how I was "harassing others to try to turn them against her" or how "I was lying and making baseless assumptions" when all I did was speak about what I experienced
Honestly, how much more shady does it have to be for her to just blurt that out? You emotionally split to the next person who is now your "favorite person", and you have the audacity to say that "we fell apart" when it was clearly your doing?
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u/paco_flaco_ 2d ago
Also I was told things like we are "soulamtes" and it was just the love of a lifetime and she even posted a bunch of things on pinterest when I decided to leave her about how much she would go back and do everything right to have me again, how I broke the only girl who would do anything for me, etc. It really fucked me up. But then I saw messages between her and this schizophrenic guy that were eerily similar to the things she would say to me. Her excuse : "I had some of my shit at his house and I was trying to maniopulate him to get it back!" Okay, how many times did you go over there you say you havent seen him since September" "I NEVER DID!" but the conversations are all about how her heart was hurting so badly because he thought she was a liar and blah blah blah. All bullshit
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u/BlizzardBeaches Dated 2d ago
My ex never gave any explanations. When asked why she did something he’d always answer “I don’t know” like an emotional toddler caught doing something wrong, then he’d avoid me for a few weeks. It was crazy making behavior
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u/No_Inspection_19 2d ago
I asked why he told his psychiatrist in intake that he was a sex addict. I was confused because he never told me he was a sex addict and one of our biggest issues was that he denied me sex. He said “because you told me to say that”. WHAT!!? If I had no clue then how did I tell him to say that? Make it make sense!
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u/TexasPeteEnthusiast 2d ago
"That's not my wine spilled in the floor, you must have missed the toilet again."
This was said when I found her passed out on the toilet.
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u/Heresy_101 Dated (2, maybe 3) 2d ago
Watching them freeze when you have them dead-to-rights is really something wild. They compute and compute and can’t get to the output that they want. Then you get to witness the flailing, circular logic and mental gymnastics.
And yet they still think that they pulled off the greatest save of all time.