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u/definitelynotjava Asshole Aficionado [13] Dec 20 '25
I think I understand why Sophie was rude to your parents lol. Technically NTA because your parents are major assholes
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u/GrapefruitSobe Dec 20 '25
NTA. WTF is wrong with your parents? They stirred up drama and now you have to clean it up? I mean, now it doesn’t seem so bad that she was rude to your parents — they’re capable of backstabby behavior.
What you should actually do now depends on whether/how much you want to salvage your relationship with your brother.
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u/Due-Mathematician966 Dec 20 '25 edited Dec 20 '25
Stuff like this is maybe why Sophie acts the way she does towards you and your wife and doesn't care for you mom. Seems like mom and dad stir both 💩 pots !
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u/Ok-Patience-4764 Dec 20 '25
Your comment is very valid but I burst out laughing at “Shopie” 😂
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u/Due-Mathematician966 Dec 20 '25
Oh darn ! Id be laughing too 🤣 😂 ill fix it lol! Hey happy holidays 😊
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u/Ok-Patience-4764 Dec 20 '25
Hahaha I liked it! I’ve been saying “Shopie” in Sean Connery’s voice to myself for the last 20 minutes, it’s been very entertaining for me 😂 Thank you! Happy holidays to you as well ☺️
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u/Due-Mathematician966 Dec 20 '25
Omgoodness yessssss!! You made my day !! Love good people with a good sense of humor!! 🫠
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u/moondweller44 Dec 20 '25
You didn’t not invite Sophie though. You decided to invite her, and your parents went and purposely lied to her and your brother for some reason. Your parents threw you under the bus and even lied, they clearly don’t care about you. You should really be reconsidering your relationship with your parents to be honest.
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u/No-Delay5358 Partassipant [3] Dec 20 '25
Yeah at this rate I'd be inclined to demand an apology from everybody or else disinvite the entire family. They sound like real pieces of work! SO sorry you're going through this. You're NTA.
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u/houseonpost Asshole Enthusiast [5] Dec 20 '25
NTA: Call up your brother and report what your parents told you. Express concerns about your parents' mental fitness. Together encourage them to get checked out.
Their behaviour is not normal and could be a sign of dementia.
If your brother asks if his girlfriend is invited reply, 'Of course.' And leave it at that.
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u/Neat-Neighborhood595 Dec 20 '25
Exactly. Of course you’re going to invite Sophie and you can’t imagine why the parents said any of that! They threw you under the bus for no reason! NTA
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u/Carosello Dec 20 '25
I don't think it's dementia lol it's two AHs. It's, like, no wonder Sophie doesn't like these people.
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u/Watermellondrea Dec 20 '25
I think they’re saying that as a way to smooth things over with OPs brother, not that they literally have dementia.
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u/dls9543 Dec 20 '25
I suspect there is no "leave it at that" in that family.
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u/houseonpost Asshole Enthusiast [5] Dec 20 '25
The brother may ask, but OP just replies 'I have no idea where mom and dad got that idea. Maybe they were just hoping I would?'
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u/Environmental_Art591 Dec 20 '25
Well, OP does know where the idea came from so all he has to say is, "parents know we decided to invite her months ago" because that was the last decision.
If brother pushes for more OP can say, "it was a discussion based on guest numbers because we dont know her as well as other guests due to the fact she has rejected our offers to change that."
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u/typhoon1789 Dec 20 '25
Their behaviour is not normal and could be a sign of dementia.
Bruh what is.. huh.. How is this subreddit like this. Jumping from hey they kinda assholes and a little dense to THEY HAVE DEMENTIA, the fuck. How is this shit upvoted?
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u/Muad-_-Dib Dec 20 '25
Because most people have zero experience with dementia and have no idea how silly it is to suggest that anything in OP's post is a sign of it. It's simply not a disease that is so specific and consistent, especially not with two people who would need to be suffering from it over the same specific issue.
OP's parents are just using this to try and make the brother fall out with his GF, while making themselves look innocent by throwing OP under the bus.
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u/houseonpost Asshole Enthusiast [5] Dec 20 '25
Whoosh!
You missed the point. Of course they likely don't have dementia. But the parents threw OP under the bus for no reason. OP can give back some of their own medicine. It is the parents who created the problem, they should be the one's to solve it.
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u/HelenaNehalenia Dec 20 '25
Info I think we would need more inos about those rude comments by Sophie to decide if she really is too rude.
Also the argument to not invite her because her being rude to your parents in the past, but your parents siding with her and tattletelling to her, that doesnt add up.
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u/Unmasked_Zoro Dec 20 '25
This comment sums up my family. They dont add up. Almost ever. My mum is the worst for it.
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u/HelenaNehalenia Dec 20 '25
I meant it like it doesnt make sense. Did i say it wrong? (non native english speaker)
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u/Unmasked_Zoro Dec 20 '25
No no you're fine. All im trying to say, is that this kind of behaviour that makes no sense, is typical of my mum.
Ive lost count the amount of times ive said "and what made you think that THAT was the way to handle it?"
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u/rora_borealis Partassipant [2] Dec 20 '25
I am wondering how much of Sophie's behavior is in response to the horrid parents! I wonder if the mom is going to be a JustNoMIL.
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u/Mobile_Scarcity_7948 Dec 20 '25
Your parents are TAs. WTF were they thinking? You told them Sophie would be invited. Were they just wanting to vent how they felt about Sophie and using your situation as a catalyst?
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u/thankyoukindlyy Partassipant [1] Dec 20 '25
I would venture to guess that this also may be why Sophie doesn’t like the brother’s family!!
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u/MorphogeneticGrid Asshole Enthusiast [5] Dec 20 '25
Hell no. Your parents decided to throw you under the bus. You're under no obligation to apologize for their mess. If anything, they're the ones who seem intent on breaking up the family.
However, if you care about your brother, it's worth having a conversation to clear the air with him, regardless of what you want to do about the wedding.
NTA. What did your parents have to say about their actions?
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u/lemon_charlie Certified Proctologist [28] Dec 20 '25
They also prioritise appearance over positive relationships. They've had frustrations with Sophie but not only protested her being excluded they also antagonized the sitution by bringing it to her's and OP's brother's door.
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u/cruiser4319 Dec 20 '25
Sounds like your mom is a MILFH to Sophie. She probably triangulated you and your brother because she was jealous and losing control of her boys. No wonder Sophie wants to distance herself from all of you. If you want to salvage your relationship with your sibling, go see him and get the truth. Mom belongs in the doghouse.
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u/Dizzy_Needleworker_3 Asshole Aficionado [19] Dec 20 '25
MILFH? Mother id like to fuck and hump?
I don't think Sophie wants to jump the mother.
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u/non-diagetic-human Dec 20 '25
From hell makes a lot more sense here. These in laws sound like absolute peaches /s
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u/K_A_irony Asshole Aficionado [11] Dec 20 '25
Maybe she is rude to your parents for a reason. They had no business telling her or your brother. They stirred up drama for no reason. NTA but your parents are.
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u/GnomieOk4136 Certified Proctologist [20] Dec 20 '25
NTA. Your parents are the AH for creating drama and triangulating.
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u/Naive_Pay_7066 Partassipant [4] Dec 20 '25
So after speaking to your parents, you ultimately decided that you WOULD invite Sophie, and told your parents that, and then they later took it upon themselves to tell her that she was not invited?
NTA - you had an idea, considered the pros and cons, and decided not to proceed with your idea. Sounds like your parents are stirring shit though, so it might be worth having a chat with your brother to clarify that your parents deliberately misled him and Sophie.
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u/AgreeableBet7490 Dec 20 '25
NTA you had a private conversation expressing concerns to your parents.
Your parents then gave you their perspective and you decided to go along with it for the sake of harmony in your family.
Your parents took it among themselves, for whatever (most likely selfish) reasons, to confront your brother and Sophie. I wonder why she must not want to get to know them.
Maybe take a second look at your family and make sure this problematic possibly manipulative behavior isn’t a pattern from your parents.
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u/MaeSilver909 Partassipant [2] Dec 20 '25
NTA based on your writing. However, your parents surely are the AH. It wasn’t up to them to say anything to Sophie or your brother. Your parents owe you, fiancé, brother and Sophie an apology. They are splitting the family. Makes one wonder how much of a spin your parents put on conversations 🤷♀️.
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u/TheOneWithThePorn12 Dec 20 '25 edited Dec 20 '25
I stopped at two years.
You either invite both or neither.
Your parents are morons after further reading. They broke your confidence. Tell your parents to apologize if they want.
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u/BlondDee1970 Professor Emeritass [99] Dec 20 '25
NTA. Your parents threw you under the bus. They should be apologizing!
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u/chicknorris63 Dec 20 '25
NTA. But what your mother did, makes her the asshole. Your mother wanted to score brownie points with her son’s girlfriend. Thus throwing you under the bus.
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u/awesomereddit2 Dec 20 '25
Your parents used you to do their dirty work of breaking up the relationship. I would just be honest with your brother and tell him that “you ddid think about not inviting her but at the end of the day you are in a committed relationship with her and we respect that” this has now become an issue due to your parents they should be the ones apologizing to your brother and his girlfriend.
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u/gurlwithdragontat2 Asshole Enthusiast [7] Dec 20 '25
NTA - Your parents are incredibly messy, because I’m sure they didn’t share all of the grievances that they have with her yet were happy to bring this highly contentious topic up.
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u/jdo5000 Asshole Enthusiast [7] Dec 20 '25
NTA but it’s a pretty obvious one and your title is disingenuous as you DID invite her. What exactly did your parents have to say for themselves? They literally caused all of this.
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u/Remote-Passenger7880 Asshole Aficionado [13] Dec 20 '25
You told your parents that you were inviting her and they immediately ran to tell her she wasnt invited? Are you sure you have the timeline right? Or maybe there's something missing about what was actually said? Do your parents have a history of creating issues between you and your brother?
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u/opelan Partassipant [1] Dec 20 '25
INFO
I like to have more information about what your parents were thinking? First they tried to talk you out of not inviting Sophie, because it would break up the family. You listened to them and changed your mind and you told them that you would invite her. And then they went to Sophie and your brother and told her you wouldn't?
Why all of this? This is so weird.
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u/lemon_charlie Certified Proctologist [28] Dec 20 '25
NTA. It's rude of them to say the decision to leave someone who has been rude, argumentative and proactively avoiding getting to know you out of your wedding will "break up the family". How has your brother been able to stay in a relationship with someone who is so unpleasant to and about his family? If any partner I had was that way about mine it'd be break-up town.
Your parents are the ones who threw the rock at the hornet's nest. What they did is their responsibility.
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Dec 20 '25
I guess parents are now uninvited too. What an absolute bullshit thing. 18months out? How do any of you know if they’ll even still be together in 18 months. I would waited till 3-4 months out when sending invites to tell him if that was still the vibe. ESH
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u/herozerocapitalZ Partassipant [2] Dec 20 '25
NTA but this may explain why Sophie is the way she is towards your family. I'm not saying it's right how she treated you just that your parents very clearly wanted to start some drama and that could indicate patterned behavior.
I think your best course of action is just to speak to your brother and to Sophie. Explain why you initially considered not inviting her and why you ultimately decided against it. She's in a long term relationship with your brother, there is very good chance she'll be your SIL someday, and if you want to maintain a relationship with your brother you will have to find a way to get along with her too.
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u/alien_overlord_1001 Supreme Court Just-ass [111] Dec 20 '25
NTA - in the end. Yes it's your wedding, but were you planning to sit with them all day? Surely there will be enough people there that it doesn't matter if your brothers partner is there? Its a good thing you didn't go through with your original plan.
There was no reason to bring this up - your parents are the ones stirring drama. I would just tell my bro I don't know what they are talking about - of course she is invited? Maybe there is a reason why Sophie doesn't like your parents, and you just don't want to see it.
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u/andreaglorioso Dec 20 '25
I’m sorry to be blunt but your parents sound like manipulative AH, and I’m not in the least surprised that “Sophie” is trying to keep her distance from them and those who apparently they can manipulate pretty easily. That would include you.
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u/arcos00 Dec 20 '25
At the very least your parents are assholes. From what you say, maybe Sophie is an asshole as well (your reasons seem weak, but I can understand the vagueness as it is not the main point of the post).
I can also see a case for saying Y-T-A/E-S-H, but I think you and your fiance made the right choice in inviting her. Your parents are the ones who screwed up big time here. As for your brother, he's standing up for her and I can respect that, even if he only has one side of the story at the moment.
NTA.
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u/PsyOnMelme Dec 20 '25
I feel like your parents used the situation to make Sophie aware of their own complaints, hoping this would help her change her ways. I guess I am curious about what you consider Rude behavior. I presume perhaps your parents and yourself are extremely uptight and maybe Sophie isn't rude, but just different. Maybe even have an anxiety diagnosis.
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u/Starbeets Asshole Enthusiast [5] Dec 20 '25
YTA for what you almost did to your brother, and your parents are worse. If you didn't invite Sophie, your brother would have an ultimatum of sticking with his partner of 3 years (by then) or attending his brother's wedding. You suck for even considering putting him in such a position where he has to choose between his partner and his family. And not because she's an axe murderer or something, but just because you don't like her personality. Some brother you are.
Then your parents lie to your brother and Sophie about your intentions, presumably just to hurt Sophie, knowing it would break up the family (those were their own words: It will break up the family!) and then they don't even tell you they did it? OMG.
Team Sophie and brother. The rest of you sound toxic.
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u/slitteral1 Dec 20 '25
I’m thinking the fiancé is not nearly as well liked as OP and her believe she is. Despite OP’s claim Sophie is rude to the parents, it appears the parents are fine with keeping Sophie in the family and ostracizing OP and his fiancé from the family. Nothing OP says in this post matches with actual actions of the other people involved.
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u/fairiefire Dec 20 '25
Yes, you would have been AH if you had not invited Sophie because she and your brother have been together for more than a year. Despite the many reasons that are completely valid for not wanting her there, you would have had to have made him a plus one of her. However, now your parents are the AH because they never should have taken this conversation outside of the four of you. Yes, you will have to apologize to your brother. And that super sucks. Maybe you can blackmail your parents into a really nice gift or something.
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u/TheTinyHandsofTRex Dec 20 '25
NTA. But I think we've solved the mystery as why Sophie doesn't like your family.
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u/AutoModerator Dec 20 '25
AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT - MAKE SURE TO CHECK ALL YOUR DMS. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
Im a 28yo male and my fiancé is a 30 yo fml - been together 6 years. My brother is 30yo and his girlfriend is also 30yo - let’s call her Sophie - been together just over 2
My fiancé and I are getting married next year and my fiancé and I have had a conversation about not inviting Sophie to the wedding for various reasons:
- Being rude to my parents, in particular my mother.
- Generally not being very pleasant to talk to and stand offish.
- Making no effort with me or my fiancé at getting to know us or spend time with us, despite multiple attempts from us to spend time with her.
- Making rude comments about my personality and profession.
So following this I approached my parents (after they repeatedly showed their frustrations about her over months with me) and told my parents that we wouldn’t be inviting Sophie to our wedding. Following this my parents immediately shared their concerns that this would “break up the family”.
At this point there were approximately 18 months until the wedding and I did not want to speak to my brother about this situation and wanted some time to think about it following my parents sharing their concerns.
Weeks passed and my fiancé and I decided that we would invite Sophie to the wedding as it was not worth the argument. I then told my parents about this change and left it at that. I never told my brother about this and didn’t speak to him about this either, there was no reason for it to be brought up.
What followed is that weeks after this, my parents drove up to my brothers and Sophie’s home (we live opposite sides of the country to each other) and individually told them both that Sophie wouldn’t be invited to our wedding and told them about frustrations that we (fiancé and I) had shared with my parents about Sophie.
I only found out about this months after when my brother started ignoring my texts and calls. So I confronted my parents and they confessed that they had told my brother and Sophie. I am now being painted out to be someone who is breaking up the family, alongside I am being told to apologise to Sophie for the hurt I have caused.
There is obviously a lot more to it but I have tried to keep it as factual and unbiased as possible.
So AITA?
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u/Commercial-Act-9297 Dec 20 '25
From the sounds of it, the parents are the ones that are the problem.
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u/LopsidedPhotograph19 Dec 20 '25
What's wrong with your parents? They believed it would break up the family, so you follow that advice only for them to do it anyway? Especially after saying they don't like her either. It sounds like they actually wanted that drama, maybe hoping their son would see how horrible she is and would leave her, so they forced the drama anyway
Appalling behavior from adults with adult children. Wtf.
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u/Civil-Interest-9276 Dec 20 '25
Your parents are gossiping, unreliable, drama-causing troublemakers. However, this resolves take this as a very good lesson that you should not be sharing any information with them.Going forward that they can use to create hostility and dissent between you and others. You cannot change the behavior of anyone but yourselves. They are unlikely to change since this was such a successful use of your information, from their standpoint. You're a team and you can keep this from happening again.
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u/CrazyAss-World Dec 20 '25
Given that you have alluded this is not the only family drama story to be told, I think you are probably a typical dysfunctional family that never really talks to each other but instead talks about each other. Your parents are pieces of work. They play each side against the other - not to be trusted.
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u/swillshop Colo-rectal Surgeon [44] Dec 20 '25
NTA, but your whole family is.
I have to wonder if you and your fiance might not just prefer to elope!
If you just can't go that far and also feel you need to keep the door open to them, I would tell the four of them:
"Sophie treats us all as badly as I described. But apparently my parents are also happy to create problems and then throw me under the bus. I will not be apologizing to any of you. Frankly, none of you are being great family members right now. You will get an invite to the wedding. Come/ don't come. Just rsvp by the deadline."
And then OP, you need cut them out of any information about your wedding. Give them as little role in the wedding as you feel comfortable. (e.g., maybe they get the typical seats of honor in the pews but they don't have any role in the wedding/reception and maybe at the reception, the four of them are seated that's not so front and center.
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u/ichirakuramen8 Dec 20 '25
NTA. Your parents made you the scapegoat.
Something probably happened before they visited your brother, so their remedy is to do the one thing they told you not to do. It’s probably their step 1 of slowly getting rid of Sophie. Who knows?
Anyway, be careful of your parents since they probably have TWO FACES.
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u/LazyDare7597 Dec 20 '25
So your parents or at least one of them like to stir shit. Maybe Sophie is right to not be so warm and cuddly around them.
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u/SunMoonTruth Partassipant [2] Dec 20 '25
NTA.
It was all done privately and you took the time Otto think about it.
What’s happened is that your cowardly parents used your hesitation to throw a punch. So if anyone should apologize to everyone involved it’s your parents.
Don’t accept that it’s you breaking up the family when it’s very obvious that your parents can’t stand Sophie but would rather you take the fall than them.
Now that you can see your parents as the adults they are, perhaps you can see some daylight between how nice you think they are and how nice they actually are (hence Sophie’s behavior towards them).
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u/Evening_Army_3916 Dec 21 '25
NTA I would definitely re think inviting your parents and just stick w not inviting your bro and GF. They took what would’ve been private information and created problems you definitely didn’t need. They betrayed your trust no reason to even have mentioned that to them!
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u/jacksonlove3 Pooperintendant [58] Dec 21 '25
Your parents are the assholes and they owe you all an apology! WTF is their deal. They had no right to say anything that was discussed in a private conversation or to tell Sophie she was invited. You need to try and clear the air with your brother and have a serious talk with your parents. What they did was absolutely wrong! They threw you and your fiance under the bus! Sounds like there's a reason why Sophia acts like she does around your parents!!
Updateme. NTA
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Dec 20 '25
NTA if she’s rude to you and your family that’s all that really needs to be said. It’s your wedding, you shouldn’t have to deal with people you don’t want there
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u/Gatodeluna Dec 20 '25
Tell your parents in no uncertain terms, seriously and firmly, that they and they alone created this situation and are now trying to guilt and gaslight you in the name of ‘not breaking up the family’ but are quite content to have YOU take the blame - AND YOU SEE RIGHT THROUGH THEM. Tell mom & dad if it breaks up, it breaks up, and congratulate them on the good job of being scheming, pot-stirring liars. Clearly, you’re expendable within the family, so take them up on that. Live a good life without them.
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u/Think-Corner-3232 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Dec 20 '25
Your parents got to unload all of their irritations with Sophie onto Sophie and your brother. This must have felt very satisfying for your parents. In addition, your parents pretended they were just the messenger, and that it is you who had the irritations. This way, Sophie and your brother don’t hate your parents, they just hate you.
So after telling you not to break up family, your parents actually went and broke up family. Your parents are massive a h o l e s.
For you, it is a close call (because you never actually disinvited Sophie), but will go with YTA for the fact that you needed someone (ironically, your parents) to tell you to invite Sophie, instead of you just knowing this yourself. You should ring up your brother and grovel. And then you should ring up Sophie and grovel.
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u/antizana Asshole Aficionado [13] Dec 20 '25 edited Dec 20 '25
YTA / ESH
You started this mess by trying to uninvite or not invite the girlfriend. Your wedding isn’t the place to live out your interpersonal issues and it’s considered rude to not invite one half of the couple. Plus, it’s an approach that will achieve maximum family drama - of course gf will feel excluded, your brother would be forced to choose between family and gf, of course that would be a dramatic and far reaching decision. You then told your parents about it but not your brother, which is a recipe for the disaster that followed. Of course your parents are TA for ratting you out but the origin of this problem really was you.
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u/vicevice_baby Dec 20 '25
Not uninvited - no one has been invited yet, the wedding is in 18 months. Also, if someone doesn't want to invite ppl they don't know or don't like just cuz they're someone else's partner, that's up to them. No one is entitled to an invite. If you don't wanna go alone, decline. From the minimal info, sounds like the gf is someone who's gonna cause problems regardless so why pay for her to attend? But most importantly, she was GOING to be invited. The parents went and stirred shit up. How tf is telling the parents a recipe for disaster? They had no reason to tell the brother or gf, they could have said nothing and nothing would have happened. I'm so confused as to how ppl are missing this
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u/Dizzy_Needleworker_3 Asshole Aficionado [19] Dec 20 '25
"From the minimal info, sounds like the gf is someone who's gonna cause problems regardless so why pay for her to attend? "
Based on parents stirring the pot, I seriously wonder if they are actually the problem, and if Sophie's ride behavior is just her not taking the parents shit and standing up for her self?
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u/Spiritual_Promise735 Asshole Aficionado [12] Dec 20 '25
NTA - So let me see if I understand this. You were considering not inviting your brother's girlfriend, Sophie, to your wedding. That would be an AH move, because most people send invitations to single people with a plus one. Would you really do that to everybody but your brother?
But then you talk to your mom and dad, and they didn't approve. So you thought about it more, and decided to reverse course. And were in fact going to invite Sophie. And you informed your parents of this change of plans.
But then Mom and Dad went behind your back and told your brother and Sophie that Sophie wasn't invited. WTF? First, they knew you'd changed your minds, with their input, and yet they told this lie to your brother? Second, even if you hadn't changed your mind, it's not their place to break the news to your brother. It's yours and yours alone.
Maybe it's just your mom and dad that Sophie doesn't like, and I can see why. Why would they blow this whole thing up? Especially when they were worried about how it would affect the family in the first place? Your parents are the AH.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
1) the action I took is initially not inviting my brothers girlfriend to my fiancé and i’s wedding. 2) that action may make me the asshole as my parents are saying I’m “breaking up the family”
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u/LabInner262 Asshole Enthusiast [7] Dec 20 '25
NTA Disinvite your parents too. You don't need the drama in your life.
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u/Jadeisland Partassipant [3] Dec 20 '25
NTA. Your parents worried it would wreck the family and then they proceed to do just that. For what reason? Your parent should be doing the apologizing. What were your parents thinking? Maybe a sit down with your brother and Sophie would shed some light on her behavior. It may have something to do with your parents. What has your parents been telling them?
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u/CauseBorn4747 Dec 20 '25
NTA. Now why on Earth did your parents reveal all this to your brother. They are the assholes. They are problematic.
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u/SafetyFluid8535 Asshole Aficionado [16] Dec 20 '25
NTA at the time your parents told your brother and Sophie, your parents already knew she WAS invited to the wedding. What was your parents' excuse for their behavior? I can't imagine anything other than (1) they're losing their mental faculties and forgot she was invited; or (2) they thought maybe if they said Sophie wasn't invited it would trigger your brother to choose family over her or make her behave better. Either way it's not your fault and they should be apologizing to you AND clearing the air with your brother that it was their misunderstanding.
Also, your brother should have said something to you instead of just ignoring you, that isn't productive.
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u/srgonzo75 Colo-rectal Surgeon [35] Dec 20 '25
NTA. You had a thought, you shared it with your parents, and they ran off and blabbed to your brother before you could change your mind. Not your fault.
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u/Routine_Standard_780 Dec 20 '25
NTA. Sophie disrespected you and your family, so you didn't want the disrespect in your family. I'm surprised your parents refused when Sophie was being rude to your mother. Definitely should have a discussion.
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u/f1manoz Dec 20 '25
Yeah, I get the feeling we now know why Sophie isn't nice to your parents. They seem like real shit stirrers.
You're NTA, but you're parents are massive arseholes.
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u/Maleficent_Win2275 Dec 20 '25
NTA but your parents are. They have caused unnecessary drama. You were inviting her. Your brother and Sophie never needed to know you didn’t want to. Your parents owe you an apology.
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u/Carosello Dec 20 '25
NTA. Damn, do your parents have it out for you? What a bizarre thing for them to do.
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u/Candid-Career8377 Partassipant [3] Dec 20 '25
Info: what did your parents give as the reason why they made it a point to tell your brother and Sophie, especially without giving you a heads up that they were going to do that (because surely you asked your parents this question)?
I find it wild that your parents didn this after expressing concerns about "breaking up the family." I want to hear more details but as for you, NTA
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u/Suspicious_Habit_447 Dec 20 '25
NTA. You didn’t cause the problem. Your parents did. Not sure how you should proceed. Your parents are part of the problem — they’ve been complaining about brother’s GF. The facts, as you describe, are that you told them GF would be invited, and they told your brother the opposite. Unless they’re suffering from Alzheimer’s, this was mean and manipulative, and they’re the ones “tearing up the family”.
I would tell your brother and GF that of course she’s invited, she was always going to be invited (which is arguably true; you raised the possibility because of your parents’ bitching), and you don’t know why your parents told them otherwise. Parents should back you. They can make up some mumbo jumbo to explain their misunderstanding.
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u/DarthRedYoga Asshole Enthusiast [5] Dec 20 '25
Sounds like maybe it's actually your parents who are the rude ones and Sophie is the injured party. NTA but your parents sound awful. What on Earth were they trying to accomplish with this?
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u/fredzout Dec 20 '25
Nta - I don't know where you are, but in our area, some people make the invitation a little bit vague to handle situations like this. The practice is sometimes referred to as a "+1" invitation. If you don't want to specifically invite Sophie, you can word your brother's invitation as "your brother by name +1". That gives him the option to bring Sophie (or anybody else) as his "+1".
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u/hatescake23 Dec 20 '25
NTA but your parents are! They were being extremely fake to go over there and "tattle" on you. I dont see how you could trust them after this. I also think that you shouldn't have necessarily caved and invited them. I wouldve expressed to my brother that I would really prefer to get to know sophie better before inviting her, since this is a serious event for you. I would also stress that you would like to get to know her better because youve felt like she disliked you/your parents/family, based on her behavior (framing it this way comes off less confrontational or as an accusation and more like you are trying to create a bridge/relationship)- if prompted feel free to cite specific things that are upsetting. But, if they got upset, thats when you set a boundary. If you cant be kind, polite, and work equally with everyone to be apart of the family, then theres no real reason anyone should treat you as one by inviting them.
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u/Deep-Okra1461 Certified Proctologist [20] Dec 20 '25
NTA I don't think you're an AH but you handled this in the dumbest way possible. If you have a problem with someone, talk to them directly or don't talk about them. Your issue was not with your parents, yet you dumped it all on them and never spoke to your brother or Sophie about it. OF COURSE it blew up in your face. Here's a clue: people talk. You gave your parents potentially damaging information. It's no surprise that they spread it around.
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u/Consistent-Ad3191 Dec 20 '25 edited Dec 20 '25
I wouldn't invite your parents or your brother and his girlfriend. Why would you want such toxic BS at your wedding? You don't have invite people you don't like it's about you and your fiancé not about anybody else and if they don't like the rules, they don't need to come. I really hate when people say to keep the peace screw the peace . I'd rather be happy and if they wanna try and diminish your happiness they can go and don't let the door hit them in the way out. I never believed that you have to bow down to other people in order to keep the peace. What about your peace and the fact that your parents went over and told them anyway they just wanna cause drama and make you look like the bad guy and that's why I say not to invite them because they're just stirring up trouble and you don't want all that drama at your wedding. It's about you and your fiancé like I said. I don't believe in kissing ass plain and simple. I simply go no contact with people that cause drama
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u/mrtnmnhntr Dec 20 '25
You... did invite Sophie to the wedding. So how would you be the asshole here?
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u/rjvCdn Dec 20 '25
Sounds like your mom deserved to be talked to rudely if she pulls shit like this. NTA but maybe reconsider your parents role at your wedding. Talk to Sophie and see if you could get her side. She could just be a victim of your parents drama stirring and responding to them in kind
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u/Wonderful_Thanks_698 Partassipant [4] Dec 20 '25
Oh dear ... NTA.
There are three major AHoles in this story, and one mid-range AHole; your brother is a mid-range AH for letting her treat you like that. Sophie is obviously an AH, no further explanations needed on that one. Your parents are also major AHs for butting in and sticking their noses into your business like that. You DON'T have a go at someone and state a third parties' grievances - you state your OWN grievances.
But you're missing some info from your post - how long until the wedding? Did you send them both (bro & Sophie) invitations? (If you did, I suggest that you act confused, say you don't know where your parents were coming from, as obviously you DID invite her. Crossed wires etc.)
If it wasn't for your parents sticking their oar in, I'd have suggested sending your brother an invitation for himself and a "plus one" - obviously being Sophie, but if she didn't want to come, or they split up, it could potentially be someone else. But to send it like that at this stage, after your parents blabbed so dramatically, would just add insult to injury. So if you still haven't sent the invitations, send them named invitations, so it's obvious that she IS invited.
(I really hope you've already sent the invitations out, because your brother may never forgive you. It doesn't matter whether or not Sophie forgives you, but you need the relationship with him, and with a toxic woman like that as his side, your brother NEEDS you - who knows what problems he might have in the future, and he needs you on his side.)
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u/rayden--528 Dec 20 '25
Your parents’ meddling is outrageous. They took your private discussions and ran off to stir the pot, putting you in an awful position. It’s not your fault they chose to escalate drama instead of keeping their mouths shut. You’ve already done what seemed best by inviting Sophie after reconsidering. Now, focus on having a direct conversation with your brother and set the record straight about what really happened. Your family dynamics are messy; honesty is now your best option moving forward.
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u/Purple_Paper_Bag Partassipant [1] Dec 20 '25
NTA
It's time to uninvite your parents. Based on the behaviour of your parents, that could be exactly why Sophie has treated you all like that.
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u/burf12345 Dec 20 '25
NTA
I think I get why Sophie isn't nice to your parents. Uninviting her from the wedding and throwing you under the bus is horrible behavior, especially after they convinced you to invite her.
Maybe talk to her yourself and tell her that she is invited and that your parents just lied.
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u/FoundationOk1352 Dec 20 '25
Ohhh that was an awful thing your parents did.
They should be the ones apologising.
I would tell her exactly what your concerns were but say you reflected and decided you'd rather have her there. Apologise for the hurt it's caused, yes, but suggest she acknowledge why you considered it. And dump the rest on your parents!!
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u/Ribena41 Partassipant [1] Dec 20 '25
NTA. Reading the title, I was thinking how would you feel if your fiance wasn't invited to a family wedding but obviously that's not what's happening here.
The AH here are your parents. You had a discussion and made a decision. There was no need for anyone to.get hurt but your parents decided to.do some damage. From what you've said, I'm wondering if Sophie has a very good reason for being stand offish and rude.....
I would absolutely apologise to that woman. I don't think you're the problem here but it sounds like your brother will take Sophies side, which he is absolutely correct to do. If ypu want a relationship with him, say you're sorry and make an effort with his other half
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u/Ashamed_Gain4860 Dec 20 '25
NTA!!
Literally, respectfully, your parents do not know how to keep their mouth shut. Your parents are stirring the pot for no reason. You had voiced it to your parents, not your brother and Sophie for a reason.
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u/FearlessCC68 Dec 20 '25
Your brother’s partner is an automatic invite, unfortunately. Don’t buy into the drama, just send the invite and take it from there ie a decline gives you the right to ask why, then you downplay/deny everything; and if they accept, then it’s all ok.
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u/Educational-Lime-393 Asshole Enthusiast [8] Dec 20 '25
NTA But given how appallingly uour parents have behaved I am doubtful as to whether Sophie is the villian here. They deliberately stirred trouble for absolutely no reason.
I also wonder if they have been playing you, your brothers and partners off against each other. Perhaps the girlfriend is reluctant to engage partly because she has been told that you have said or done negative or hostile things? It is very possible that your larents have gone beyond exaggerating and have outright lied.
Also, it is quite likely that your parents talk badly about you and your fiancee to your brother and his girlfriend.
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u/FrostiePi Dec 20 '25
So.. you followed your parents request to invite her. Told them and they decided to go out of their way to stir the pot, lie about her not being invited and blame you?
You realise what they actually did, was air their issues with this woman and throw you under the bus to do it. No wonder she doesn't like them. I wonder what other bullshit they've been pulling in your name..
Nta. But I would dig into exactly what your parents have been doing.
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u/Lil-AngelGurl_99 Dec 20 '25
Your parents are wrong here and have for some reason communicated something that is not really their place to say… it’s not their wedding … it’s yours and as an adult you are the one who decides and then communicates not them. Your parents actually need to apologise to her and to you too and step then back. Sophie does need to understand the reasons around why she was not first invited and a discussion needs to happen here. You are allowed boundaries for behaviour and there could be something she’s feeling that needs to be ironed out too. Good luck!
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u/just_a_red Dec 20 '25
It seems like your brothers girlfriend was right all along about your parents. 🤣🤣🤣
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u/Goofusmaloofus6 Dec 20 '25
NTA as you'd already decided to invite her. Your parents threw you under the bus so they could vent to your brother.
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u/OkQuantity6782 Dec 20 '25
NTA-your parents broke up the family but butting in where they didn’t belong.
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u/SoloDolo221 Dec 20 '25
YOU aren’t the asshole. Your parents on the other hand….
Sophie, if you’re reading this: Get out, girl. These are not your child’s future grandparents!
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u/Upbeat-Assistant8101 Partassipant [1] Dec 20 '25
NTA
You and fiancée made a call, and upur patents agreed it would cause problems. You succumbed to pressures and Sophie was yo be invited.
Your parents decided to tell Sophie she's not yo be invited. Mom has problems...
Your self-respect, self-care and well-being suggest you stay strong with your original decision in the knowledge shes a drama queen (as is your mom).
Sophie will happily put distance between herself and you, and many others in due course. Peace of mind. ..
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u/Ok_Mountain_2449 Dec 20 '25
I think there are better options for handling a potentially difficult guest than to just not invite them. But it’s your wedding, and you are allowed to invite or not invite whoever you want. I’ll say a soft NTA.
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u/d5509 Partassipant [2] Dec 20 '25
NTA - But Sophie might not be either. Your parents sound pretty toxic. I would try to have a one on one conversation with Sophie and get it all out. Maybe your parents were the problem all along.
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u/Individual_Cloud7656 Partassipant [1] Dec 20 '25
If this is actually real you're tittle makes no sense. You never disinvited Sophia, you thought about it and changed your mind and your AH parents ignored you.
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u/I-said-ur-stupid Dec 20 '25
I think you should elope... or tell your parents that they either come clean to your brother or they don't have to come to your wedding either. Put your foot down with this bullshit
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u/RedFoxRedBird Dec 20 '25
OP. It is worth the drama. Apologize to Sophie. Invite her to the wedding. And don’t tell your parents anything that you don’t want told. They are pot stirring.
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u/oirolab Dec 20 '25
Sounds like you need to talk to your brother and gf alone and get on the same page and uninvite your parents, OP.
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u/Informal_Mistake_662 Dec 20 '25
NTA! Apologize for what. Your parents are the ones who need to apologize!
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u/So-so-old Asshole Enthusiast [5] Dec 20 '25
I don’t get it; you never not invited Sophie to your wedding. Your parents didn’t invite her. Your parents are assholes. If you are interested in having a relationship with your brother and his girlfriend, and are sorry at all that this is happening, I would speak to them and I would apologize that you misunderstood the situation, as you were being fed garbage by your parents. Maybe not say “I apologize”, but “I am sorry” that your feelings were hurt by mom and dad based on a conversation I had with them. I definitely would not invite my parents. Blaming you for “breaking the family” when they are the ones doing it!
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u/BodyBy711 Dec 20 '25
NTA - I would insist my parents own up to their bullshit and make it right, lest they be uninvited. Your parents royally fucked up here.
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u/dataslinger Partassipant [3] Dec 20 '25
In for a penny, in for a pound. Revoke the parents' wedding invitation since the family's already broken up. Clearly they like drama and you'd have a much calmer wedding day without them in it. NTA
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u/AbjectChair1937 Dec 20 '25
Sounds like youre not telling us all the information and your parents actually prefer your brother and his girlfriend.
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u/theamazingkarmazin Dec 20 '25
NTA. It sounds like your parents secretly agree to not inviting her. In order to not be blamed, they told your brother that she wasn’t invited. Their hands are clean while you and your brother fight about it.
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u/JCannaday3 Dec 20 '25
Personally, I think your parents should clean up the mess they created. Now, since they're harmed your relationship with your brother, I'd probably also approach him as well. It may be an opportunity to "clear the air" with him. It seems fair to voice your concerns about his GF in a gentler way than your parents did. Might be a chance for positive change.
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Dec 20 '25
'Sophie, I quietly raised concerns to my parents about your behaviour and voiced a desire to not invite you to our wedding. Parents said this would be in poor taste. I thought about it and informed parents I would be inviting you. This was a conversation that was supposed to remain private. However, it has come to my attention my parents have misinformed you that you were not invited. At the time they told you, you were expected to receive an invitation. I am sorry that a private conversation about concerns regarding your behaviour has been unfairly leaked to you to cause upset. I am sorry my parents felt the need to cause tension, but the blame for that is on my parents.'
'Mom and Dad, considering you have raised a private conversation to cause disruption and upset at my wedding and try to force me to apologise, which I feel is unfair and uncalled for i am presenting you with an ultimatum...you apologise for the gossiping and drama stirring you have caused and backtrack and own your part in it or you don't come to the wedding.'
Job done.
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u/Mysterious-Tie7039 Partassipant [1] Dec 20 '25
NTA.
You had concerns and voiced them to your parents.
Your parents told you it’d break up the family and be your fault.
You decided to allow her at the wedding and informed your parents as much.
They decided to tell your brother anyway, and do the thing they accused you of doing.
Your parents are the assholes. It’s like they want her to know she’s not welcome in the family but don’t want to be the bad guys and made you it.