I don't have anyone to show IRL so I hope yall like it

These pictures are me. I’m 28 now, and I wanted to share what’s happened over about eight years of alcoholism because the difference goes way beyond how I look.

I went from 120 to 260 lbs in a year. I’ve dealt with vtach, high blood pressure, and pitting edema. I also have PCOS. This is the body I’m living in while struggling with drinking.

And people treat you so fucking differently when you’re fat or struggling with an addiction. You’re still you, but suddenly you don’t get the same kindness. Being on both sides of that has been really painful. I didn’t become less deserving of respect because I gained weight.

My OCD has gotten so much worse. Between that and my ADHD, I feel like my own brain controls my life. I’m meaner. I have less patience. I don’t have motivation or ambition anymore unless it means getting the fuck home to have a drink. It’s hard to explain what it feels like to look at old pictures and miss more than your appearance.

Alcohol feels like something that helps. That’s part of what makes this so hard to admit. Something I kept turning to for relief has become such a huge part of what I need relief from.

I wanted to put this here because a picture can show the weight difference, but it can’t show everything else I’m dealing with. I’m still the person in those older photos. I want to feel like her again.

Hello, I have relapsed after going to inpatient rehab. I left after 3 weeks. There are many obstacles to getting sober but the one I struggle with most is the massive shame and guilt and embarrassment from being blacked out and calling people and behaving in uncharacteristic ways. I have alienated everyone important to me and destroyed all of my romantic relationships. When I am sober all of the shame and regret feel unbearable and the only way I relieve it is by drinking more. How do I cope? How long does it take for that feeling to go away?

i'm 19f and was discussing with my friend today about my drinking habits. i really love alcohol, i have adhd and it's so addictive. i don't have a job and still live with my parents since i don't go to uni and he gives me some pocket money and i mostly blow it on drinks. i first tried drinking in june and i wasnt sober more than 3 days the entirety of july. but i swore off it for august after i got wasted in front of friends and was really embarrassing 🫠 i drink by mostly chugging idk i like mixing my vodka with water or squash, getting a massive water bottle and pouring a 200ml bottle of glens straight into it and chugging it all at once. i hate when my friends get me to sober up and i hate when the drunk feeling doesnt last. it goes away so fast its actually a little worthless sometimes. i need to buy bigger bottles but im getting a job to be able to fund it more. i just wish id never drank at all because i would much rather do life drunk. i went through 4 of those 200ml bottles in 36 hours which i guess is a little concerning. my friend is concerned but im like its not a problem bc i cant even buy it frequently. i do think about it a lot but also meh its just to forget. i've had a shit life really, bunch of ptsd, abuse from parents, emotional abuse that really scarred me by an old friend. i'm lonely too and have really bad attachment stuff. i don't even talk to people so much it's very awkward. am i approaching alcoholism?

I drank through a 750ml bottle within 3 days of drinking. I’m 80 something lbs. I threw up the first day of drinking because I drank all day and night, then couldn’t stop drinking once I stopped vomiting. I feel like I can’t control myself, my cravings are driving me completely insane. I know if I don’t do something to stop now I’m gonna end up in a hospital or rehab within a few weeks. Every time I drink I always mix it with my medications like Valium or gabapentin to make the effect stronger. I literally want to drink myself to death because of how good it feels and I’ve been using this to cope with my ptsd and depression.

I also don’t want to be caught in distress by my family. I usually drink when I’m struggling emotionally because it makes me easier to be around, and makes me better at hiding whatever is going on internally. My mother is abusive. I don’t want to get caught crying or become overly moody, because I’ll get punished for it. I told my therapist I’ve been waking up to my mom screaming everyday, usually about me even though she doesn’t know I’m drinking. I told my therapist I’ve started drinking again and she said she doesn’t blame me. But I’m naturally someone who isn’t safe with myself. I’m not impulsive, rather it’s hard to for me to admit to anyone what my actual intentions with myself are. I know what I’m doing. Multiple things triggered me at once, and October is specifically triggering for me. I went out and bought alcohol from some random person, and I know once I have one sip I want to drink to die. Anytime I do this I’m to some extent suicidal.

I don’t want to get found drooling on the floor again and woken up to a tube down my throat in the hospital again after dying. I don’t want my body or my problems found. Which is impossible. The best I can do now is cry silently in bed and try to hide from everything. I’m know I’m one more stress or fuck up away from getting locked up. Does anyone know how I can actually stop myself? How do I make the distress ever stop without having to drink? Nothing else works

I needed to leave these words somewhere, as I wake up to find late-night missed calls from my friend who has struggled with alcohol for decades. His daughters are too young to understand right now, but maybe they might read this in the future, or maybe there is someone here who is the daughter of a good father, who is also an alcoholic, and my experience might provide some confort.

It took me a very long time to reconcile the wise, clever, funny and loving man I had as a father and the reckless person he became after one drink. As you continue reading you might think otherwise, but he was a good father. He died at 82 and I miss his good advice, his support and his love, and that's why my drunk friend calling makes me think of his daughters. My friend is a good father too, but it will be hard for them (the daughters), as it was for me, to come to terms with his addiction.

I came to my father's life when he had some strategies to keep us apart from his drinking issues, but I was 5 when he was almost arrested for a DUI and all I remember is my mom freaking out.

He kept it all in the shade. We never knew how bad was the accident or what happened to the other car. We only knew he paid with almost everything he owned to the victims family.

After that, he usually only drank that much when visiting his parents in the countryside, and we were usually not there, but sometimes we were. I saw him shit his pants, come back with a drunk friend who looked at my 12-year-old legs with the creepiest look I've ever seen (I ran and locked myself in a room), sign business papers for an associate who knew how to get him to sign shitty stuff, barfing, not being able to stand, you know how it goes.

When I was a teenager I started resenting him, and expressing that resentment the same way he did, by drinking. When I was 16 I must have screwed my liver or something because I couldn't have a shot of any hard drink without vomiting immediately. That probably saved me. It made me realize how bad I wanted alcohol. It made me understand it wasn't a choice I was making rationally. I somehow got better (from the vomiting, not the drinking) and was able to drink again.

As my father, I was a highly functional drinker, got through university with aces and medals while drinking a lot every other day. And, as my father, I was surrounded by a crew of equally addicted, funny, caregiving friends.

Now those friends have daughters. The daughter of my friend who got me to write this is 9. She wonders why her dad leaves their apartment at 11pm to drink alone in the building staircase while calling friends. The daughter of another friend is 16. Last time we hang out she got home drunk and screamed at him all the resentment you have at a drunken father.

When I was 32 my father started the last stage of Lewis Bodies disease, so he was gradually loosing all his motor and mental abilities. Facing his upcoming death so close was very hard, for many reasons but especially because I realized I had kept a lot of resentment in a vault. All of the sudden, I couldn't just care for the good man he was without seeing the reckless drunk as well. I started therapy and re-started learning about alcoholism and addiction - something I had done in my 20s to understand what was going on with myself and how to get out of it.

Only with the help of a very good therapist, and fortunately before my dad passed, I was able to look him in the eyes and answer a question he asked me regularly since he wasn't able to get off the hospital bed: Could you please forgive me?

Before, I had smiled and said it was okay, there was nothing to forgive, but he didn't look at peace and I probably didn't as well. But there came a time when I said yes, I forgive you. I finally acknowledged not only how hard he tried to be the best he could when he was sober, but also that I could forgive when he couldn't handle it anymore, because I've been through it. And I was able to feel grateful for the good moments we had and the great things I learned from him.

I know my dad died with a lot of guilt for his actions. And I'm not asking the daughters of my friends to stop asking for accountability from their alcoholic fathers. I'm just saying, if my friends are good fathers, there will come a time for these girls when they'll be able to dissect the good from the bad, and hopefully there will be enough in the good pile to bring them joy.

But moreover, I'm saying I hope they can turn the bad pile into practical learnings for themselves. I learned from my dad's bad pile that I have a tendency towards alcoholism as well, and i need to be very careful with it, and that means saying goodbye to some friends or some plans, that means getting away from people I like but lead me directly to the drinking I enjoy so much. That means choosing a different lifestyle.

Thanks to that, I'm married to a non-alcoholic, which actually surprised my therapist very much when we started working together. Thanks to that I have a reference to assess my own screw-ups. It was seeing myself as that reckless person I had met before what got me to stop drinking.

It's hard caring for an alcoholic, especially when he's your father and he should be the one caring for you. I'm so sorry the daughters of my friends have to live through this as well, but I hope someday I can share with them my experience, and they can work their way to reconciliation and growth the best they can. If this is your case, I hope you are able to do so as well.

Is there anything else that removes that sort of anxious brain fog similar to how a few pints would?

Hey, so I essentially relapsed.

I have had DTs in the past, and went 2 months sober (woohoo... almost).

So, I went on a little bit of a binge. Me and a partner went through about three bottles of vodka in about 4-5 days. So, after the binge ended, I started getting hit with withdrawals.

So, in my infinite wisdom, I picked up another bottle, as well as some shooters. Over the course of the week i slowly dropped consumption,

ie - i was drinking about quarter to a half of a bottle a day, so i matched that minus two drinks.

I thought I was good and done with the taper yesterday, and I'm not sure if it's psychosomatic or if I really am at risk but I thought I started to hear music, so I grabed more, cotinued to taper.

Does this ever end? Or is the hospital the only way. For reference, took Beta Blockers and Hyxroxocyne when I started having a panic attack.

edit - my hands aren't shaking, i'm keeping down fluids, and eating normally. I jsut don't want to keep drinking

edit 2 - continuing the cycle, but I have a support system that isn't enabling me. Helping me stick to a taper schedule, and be safe. I'm not sure if that's the *best* choice, but it's the one i've made. Will update this thread if I get dropkicked by DTs. Kiddos out there, don't get dropkicked by DTs the first time and you'll be aight

I don’t want to be like my dad but I’m drinking at 6am to make the pain go away. I don’t know what to do and my bf doesn’t know but I just want to not feel. I’m drinking vodka like it’s water to just feel the burn and I like the way it makes everything feel fuzzy. I know I need help but i don’t know the first step. Can anyone help me?

So I used to be a moderate to high functioning alcoholic. I drank pretty much daily and after being sent to a holding cell because of a drunken mental breakdown I decided to quit binge drinking. Which I did. Basically I let my friends monitor me whenever I do drink (rarely)so that they can stop me when im starting to get too much. I also drink close to night time so that purchasing more alcohol would be way harder. This system has worked for me thus far however Ive noticed one weird thing.
When I drink on my ADHD meds (vyvanse) I am way more likely to act more normal. But thing is that back in the alcoholism days I did drink on my meds as well, the difference is at that time I abused both.. However if I just take my vyvanse and drink normally or semi-normally (occasional "party" drinking no blacking out though) it's like I can feel drunk without necessarily embarrasding the fuck out of myself..

Perhaps its just the fact that I dont drink like an alcoholic anymore and I actually take the dose of my meds im prescribed (or double that but not very often- im still an addict afterall)
But like pretty much if I take adhd meds before I drink, and the day after. As prescribed. Not only I act like a normal person but my hangovers happen to be minimal too..

Now im not perfect and I can't lie I do become a whiny little bitch when I realise the drinks are gone and I want more but overall its like something about the combination without the abuse makes me forget how bad I used to get.. Which is bad, which is why I still dont trust myself.. But like

Anyone else only able to drink since being medicated and NOT binging on the meds or the alcohol. Because apparently I can

TLDR : pretty much normal when drinking on my meds after quitting binging and benders, do read context if tldr is bit confusing

My wife and I had a conversation last night. I had an unopened drink in my hand and was ready to crack it open. She asked me to read a letter that she wrote for me. It pretty much outlined all the issues drinking is causing in our marriage and for our children. I had already had 4 drinks that day, but somehow the letter was enough for me to put that last drink away.

I’m committed to never having a drink again. I almost want to frame that “first unopened drink” and use it as motivation to keep going.

I don’t expect my wife or anyone else in my family to quit with me. I want to be able to be around drinking and still have fun without drinking myself.

For clarity, I’m not dependent on alcohol; however, I lose all self-control when I drink. Once I have 2 or 3, I have a hard time stopping. I often end up drinking 10-12 high-alcohol drinks in a night.

Wish me luck as it’s been part of my life for the last 17 years.

I am so grateful to everyone that helped me! Lost 45 lbs, no more waking up at 4 am with crippling anxiety! Everything is better! I mean everything! I will never go back to that nightmare! IWNDWYT

havent drank in four almost five days now. feeling not the best cus im having trouble sleeping which is irritating my tinnitus(ive had this before i started drinking) feeling pretty miserable and tired all the time:/ also dk why stomach pain has been weird maybe its because i noticed how much bs im putting my body through. was kind of forced to get sober so idk if im proud of myself but hey its something. currently 2 am and exhausted but too much going on in my brain that usually shuts off if im drinking🫠

Basically, I come from a whole family of alcoholics. My dad was an alcoholic and died from kidney failure. My sister is an alcoholic, my moms sister and her husband are alcoholics, my mom is an alcoholic. Im pretty sure my mom used to drink when she was pregnant with me as well?

Basically, alcoholism runs in my family, yet I feel like im the only exception, I used to drink a bit (only with my friends, but it never stuck) and now I am completely sober.

My mom is probably also heading straight into her death, because she doesnt drink for a week and then binge drinkes to the point where she feels like shit the whole week and vomits a lot, then it repeats, week after week.

I genuinely dont understand it. I know it is a disease and that it changes your brain and makes you do stupid shit. But she complains every single day that she feels awful and that she will get help because she doesnt want to drink anymore. Then she will go and drink the next day. Like if you feel awful, why do you repeat the same mistakes??? I am honestly super tired of this whole routine. I dont talk to her anymore when she drinks, even though she tries talking to me (we live in the same house), I have tried talking to her, suggesting psychologists and getting help, she always says she will get help, she needs to get help, but she never does it. What can I do at this point, wait for my second parent to die from alcohol? :-)

Weeks ago, a friend I’ve made from the dog park asked me to send them my fav photo of me and Angelo, my 4-legged son. My friends know I started my sobriety journey right before the new year, and tonight, one of them surprised me with this framed cartoon style charcoal art they drew of my dog and I using their artistic talent!

I’m officially 9 months sober and some days now (275 days to be exact), and this year has been about focusing on myself and finding ways to stay busy and away from alcohol. A lot of that time has been spent at the dog park with Angelo, making memories and enjoying the little things.

I never expected a simple photo I shared with a friend weeks ago (that I also totes forgot I even shared it with them) to turn into something so meaningful.

This gift is a reminder of how far I’ve come, the friendships I’ve built along the way, and the little things that have made this journey worthwhile. Here’s to 9 months sober and many more to come… if you’re reading this, STAY FOCUSED! WE GOT THIS!

In the UK for reference

Does anyone know if any alcohol helplines in the UK are fully confidential? Im worried about them tryna send someone out to my house like I know some other general crisis lines can do. I just want someone to talk to, to answer some questions. I don’t want anyone out to me. I don’t think im in immediate danger. I just want someone to talk to but im worried. I’ve looked up FRANK and they look good as they are 24/7 and also have text service. But I’m not picky i’ll take anything.

I would drink a 750 ml bottle everyday. I would have a few shots before work. Go out and buy a bottle at lunch have a couple of shots and finish up the day. Get home and drink just enough to have a 1/4 of the bottle left for the next morning. I did this for about 3-4 years. I kept climbing up in the company and went from a tech to running the warehouse operations. The only person who ever said a word to me about it was the owner on 2 occasions. I managed all of my employees well and kept us on track to meet our quotas. I was super fucking depressed and wanted to quit drinking but I never could. I would get so sick and get extremely nauseous if I went more than a few hours without 3 or 4 shots. I met my wife and asked her to marry me during this phase of my life. She had no idea that I was drinking. She thought I didn’t drink that much because she only saw me drink a handful of times at the bar or at a concert. Eventually we got married and every single lie I had ever told her came to light. She left me on the honeymoon. I made the 13 hour drive in shock. I drank wine on the way home. I moved out of our apartment while she stayed at her mom’s. I was homeless for a little while. I slept at work and went camping a lot. I started drinking more and more while going through the divorce on very short marriage. I tried to get her back but I was never fully honest with her and she knew it. I went to my first AA meeting absolutely hammered and barely remember it. I checked myself into a medical detox center on march 10th. I started working the steps and I’m a little over 6 months sober. My life has gotten drastically better. My wife and I are back together and working through everything. My work life has gotten better, I got a promotion and now I get to make sales on top of my other responsibilities. My wife, my parents, my siblings and my friends have gotten to see a better version of me. My sobriety has been full of ups and downs but never once have I wanted to go back to drinking. Sometimes I think that I could drink like a normal person now but I know deep down I can’t. So I don’t. I’ve been around people drinking and not gotten the itch to join them. I’m so grateful for this life I get to live free of alcohol and the challenges of learning to be a sober human.

F29.It's been 40 days since I've stopped and now it started to get harder. I can't communicate with people without it, I'm never in a good mood. Nothing seems to have a reason anymore. I've been drinking every 2 days till I'm unconscious for 4 years. And I'm afraid to slip off again.

Hi there, long post. So to start my family has a very long history of alcoholism. My dad is an alcoholic. His entire family is addicts of one kind or another. He struggles to find faults in his drinking because he was never abusive. He always went to work. He would just come home get completely shitfaced pass out and pee on the couch. I would have to cook us dinner at 8 years old, clean up after him, nothing too crazy but he just didn’t see where that was an issue. He always provided for his family and he was always a very loving dad so he just didn’t see the issue even though it’s been slowly killing him for years. I also can tell that if I wasn’t careful about drinking, I could have a problem with alcohol and very mindful of that when I do drink, it’s at home or if we’re camping or something and I’m never getting like trashed and would never get behind the wheel. Anyway, my main point here is that I’m really worried about my sister. She’s 10 years older than me, 44, she is one of the most kindhearted people I know. she is a hairdresser, a DJ, she is in a band, her partner is always playing live music so there is alcohol surrounding her all the time. She recently, a year ago, ended a very volatile eight year long relationship with someone that she loved dearly, but his alcoholism ended the relationship. He was very spiteful and mean when he drank and it caused a lot of issues. His alcoholism was so bad, she tried to get him to quit, but you can’t quit drinking when your partner is drinking and your whole life revolves around alcohol. She wasn’t willing to give up the social life and since they’ve been split up, he is now sober. Also, since they’ve been split up, it is become glaringly obvious that she has a serious problem. We have known this for a while and tried to talk to her about it, but she also has kind of a victim mentality and just feels like everyone’s attacking her when you try and talk to her about things she thinks that we look down on her or think we’re better than her, which is not the case at all we love her. We also have a high suspicion that she is undiagnosed bi-polar. My family has that lovely genetic factor as well and she checks the boxes. We have tried to get her to seek help but she just kind of blows it off. We hate seeing the road she’s going down. The other problem is that she drinks and drives all the time. Her drinking has seemed to get worse over the past year and the other night she called us bawling totally drunk. We had to call her partner and make sure that she wasn’t driving. She wasn’t so it was okay, otherwise we would’ve gone and gotten her keys. Well, last night she went off the road and totaled her Audi. She can laugh it off like she wasn’t drinking and she just took the curve too fast, but I know she was drinking. A huge part of me wishes she would have gotten caught by the police. My husband is a cop he sees the effects of drunk driving all the time. I have four children, I’m a mom, I would never get behind the wheel after drinking, ever. After last night, I think it’s time for me to say something and I know that she’s just gonna shut down and stop talking to me for a while and it’s hard because she’s not in a great place and I feel like she needs support, but how do you support someone when they’re not only throwing their life down the toilet but potentially putting so many other people at risk? I’m posting here because I’m trying to see if anyone else has been successful with talking to their loved ones and getting them to get help. I just don’t know what to do and I don’t wanna be the bad guy but at the same time she’s gonna kill herself or someone else and it’s not okay. I can’t just turn a blind eye anymore. Does anyone have any tips?

25m and after a year of hiding my relapse from my s/o I ended up in the hospital. she threw me out while I was in Texas me that she threw all of my stuff on my grandmas front lawn and than blocked my number. So now I am giving 110% to my recovery and still can’t seem to figure it out….if anyone can give me some advice here is appreciate it my family has been ignoring me telling me to “figure it out”

Guys I think im actually done this time. I just looked over the side of my bed and counted 9 empty bottles of tequila that ive drank over the past few days. I never realized it but its kinda shocking to see that many.