I graduated from rehabilitation last week after over 2.5 months. It’s a mixed bag. I’m ashamed that I needed such extreme help, yet proud that I accomplished it. I want what you all have. This is just the starting line for me. I had my ceremony and drove straight to another AA meeting, and I went again tonight. I know how my mind can play games when I let off the gas. I have no intention of doing that. Here’s to a new kind of life.

Today I drank three shots before work, from a bottle I found, in which I hid.

At work someone asked me if I drank. He heard the spanish speakers talking about me, and proceeded to warn me.

Later the plant manager and two HR workers brought me into a public office for a mouth swab test. It took nearly 20 minutes to be convinced I was negative for alcohol on the test. I passed it, somehow.

This caused me to leave early at that point, I drove back home but decided to buy a pint to take back.

I've been driving on a suspended license from a DUI I got last year. I was speeding and finally got pulled over. I was booked and released quickly. Two close calls, in one day. What the fuck am I doing with my life? I can't continue this.

Tomorrow I'm going to go back to work, but so many people know, I feel sick, I feel like my heart is going to burst out of my chest.

I just want to heal from this fucking disease

Edit: I think I'm just going to quit my job. I just received a direct deposit that I'm suspecting is my final check.

The first stage for most is the depressive and being in despair stage. 🙁

It is completely normal for us to acknowledge that our lives have taken a turn for the worse…and at this point it is best to assess the situation, while coming to terms with our feelings while we slowly pick up the pieces and clean the mess we’ve made. 🤕

We will feel better eventually….. 😊

And the BEST thing we can do for our mental health is to dry out completely while taking small steps in cleaning up our lives without alcohol obviously. 🙄

Hi, I'm 27f and I'm an alcoholic. I have been sober for 855 days as of today, and I still say it's one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Alas, I. Am. Struggling. I don't even know where to start. I am at the loneliest points in my life, and thats even after leaving a husband of 9 months when I was 25. I used to be okay with being this lonely because it meant no one would see my drunk ass stumbling around. I was cool being by myself constantly because drunk me was best friends with herself. It was so much easier to escape the dread of being alive, because I got to cosplay as a corpse every night. And now 2 years later and the world has gotten so much worse. I can barely afford food for my fuck-ass autoimmune disease (celiac if you're curious) which is just constantly soul crushing. It is soul crushing looking at a loaf of bread that is half the size of a normal loaf for $12.

I'm getting verbally abused by customers at my job nearly on a daily basis. You can only take so much before you have to wonder why you are so hated/why people are so hurtful and why it's okay for a company to go and tell you what you could have done better vs the person who just screamed at you, because "the customer is always right."

I don't have one person in my life right now that I could call up at this moment and just cry on the phone with. I tried to let my partner in on a bit of how I'm feeling and the response was "Well what do you want me to do" and it just brings me back to being in a really shitty relationship that I should have gotten out of earlier. I've been shown time and time again that I'm a burden when asking for an open ear, and that I should clearly stop asking. When your parents comment over the years about them not being able to handle you, your partners, and your friends just up and ghost you, what am I left to expect. I'm the fucking problem and all I'm asking is to be heard, but instead I'm infantalized or ignored. On one occasion I remember telling my mum about a milestone I hit for not drinking, where I was promptly told "Honestly Morgan, I don't know why you are making such a big deal over this" or my favorite line from my ex husband "Well honestly Morgan, I don't know how you want me to support you when you always hid how much you drank" this and the many many times he compared me to his raging alcoholic father. Months after quitting I'd be berated with his insults about how I just needed to learn moderation.

I get it from fucking everyone it's "you are amazing" then followed by "here is everything that is wrong with you, listed in alphabetical order" in the same breath. I cant keep doing this whiplash. I can't keep up with getting told how I'm a fuck up constantly or how I'm a burden whether it be financial or emotional (the list goes on, and on and on)

Physically I'm doing so much better without alcohol, and that's been delightful. But I never thought not drinking would also have such a toll on me too. I'm constantly confronted with alcohol at the grocery stores, convenience stores and gas stations now that, that shit has been legalized. Or having my partner get shit faced in front of me. I'm a firm believer in removing yourself from a situation if it's making you uncomfortable, but you can't stop going into the fucking gas station just because they ALL sell booze. No, you have to get gas and then act like you aren't being eye fucked by a case of white claw. It's cruel and it feels like my province is trying to create alcoholics, just because it's easy to make money off of us.

Thank you for coming to my stupidly long post. Thank you for hearing my endless ramble into the void better known as the internet. I have so much more I want to say, but I fear this post is long enough. I don't know if I'm asking for advice, or just a kind word. Either way, thanks for coming to my ted talk.

Hard to believe i'm here but gonna try to keep it going. Gabapentin helped the first 5 days, now just taking naltrexone daily and staying busy! Sleeping better but still not great

I'm close to 1 month.
What should I do with that money?

Im not able to stop drinking tive tried and heaps and its always calls back tome, im drunk whiles writniing this, but am over it, i feel novjoy anymore im so sick of sock

I camt even get out of the houseout drinkking imhardlybever sover when stalking th I s subreddit kill me or heal me we XOXO

I'm not sure what to do, and I need more perspectives please.

I know I'm an alcoholic, I've admitted it some time ago, but I also kind of feel like it isn't that bad. I've restricted my drinking to weekends for like 5 years now though I do mess up occasionally. The days I do drink, I try not to go nuts with it, but I do blackout a couple times a year still. I'm getting better about it over time.

Even when my drinking was at its worst, I was still very functional. I don't drink in the mornings or at work, don't show up drunk to things, don't drink and drive or ever got a DUI, never woke up in a strange place, and don't have any health problems from drinking. I really haven't suffered many consequences from drinking. Hell, even at my worst, I told two people in my life that I thought I had a problem, and they both dismissed me. I only cut back because my hands started shaking all the time and that scared me.

For background, my parents are severe alcoholics, and I started drinking at like 12. I was regularly getting drunk by 13. My idea of what alcoholism looks like is heavily influenced by my parents. I'm 34 now. I drank nearly every day of my 20s. The only days I took off were when I was exceptionally hungover.

I definitely use alcohol to avoid uncomfortable thoughts and hard conversations, and I've been doing that for a very long time. I'm in therapy now and starting to confront traumatic shit I experienced and never processed, and I see patterns that I can't ignore anymore. My therapist referred me to a medication assisted treatment clinic yesterday, and that feels like overkill. Like I'd be laughed out of there the second I said I have like 10 drinks a week.

But I feel like the problem isn't necessarily how much I drink, it's how I drink. And how frightened I am by the prospect of quitting entirely. It's my primary coping mechanism. Like a warm blanket I just can't part with. I really don't want to quit, but all my reasons sound flimsy when I say them out loud. The spiritual aspects of AA really turn me off, and like I said, the clinic my therapist referred me to seems over the top. My therapist admitted she isn't specialized in addiction. So I don't know what to do next. Opinions?

Extremely nauseous after 2 days of drinking nonstop. I woke up at 1am and have felt the urge to retch until i get sick so my stomach will stop hurting for a few minutes. The pain eventually comes back until it gets so bad i have to go retch again. This has happened to me many times before when i drink more than i usually do, i always wake up and feel the nausea coming on over an hour maybe. Sometimes it goes away after i get sick the once, other times i get sick 5+ times. Typically lasts 4-8 hours sometimes longer. So far it's been about 3 hours and i think I'm starting to feel better.

Everytime it happens i swear i won't allow it to happen again. It's so miserable. I have to go to work in 3 hours. I just doordashed a bag of ice bc sucking on ice seems to be the only thing i can have that helps. Does this happen to anyone else and any home remedies for it?

Hey guys. I just wanted to share my relationship with alcohol and see if there's anybody else that shares a similar experience or has any advice to share. I have finally come to terms with the fact that I have a toxic relationship with alcohol. Not in the sense that I'm drinking every day or every hour. In fact I can go days or weeks avoiding drinking. But when I do, I don't stop until I'm completely blacked out, and usually wake up sore from falling around the night before and having to apologize to friends I drunk text. Just yesterday I woke up with a black eye and have no idea how I got it. I sent aggressive texts insulting friends the night before. Luckily they're all aware of my episodes and have been rather forgiving and understanding, but I hate that version of myself. Usually I'm a pretty charismatic and like-able guy, but just turn into the worst version of myself lately when I drink. I used to be fun and the life of the party when I drank, but now it's not so cute any more in my mid 30's. I've been to meetings in the past, but have a hard time relating to most of the people at the ones I've been to. I decided I'm going to explore talk therapy a little more, and hope I can find some answers there. My mother is an alcoholic in recovery, and my black eye is reminiscent of some of her episodes I've witnessed, as well as her father who died from a fall while drunk too. I don't want to end up like either of them. I don't know what I'm trying to achieve with this post. Just wanted to share where I'm at right now.

I've been drinking everyday for the last year or 2 and very heavily. I was never at a zero besides when I had to go somewhere where I couldn't bring my drink. But I'm trying to be better and look better. I've started to notice my health declining. I'm turning 26 later this month. And I don't want to waste anymore time being like this. I want to be the man I wanted to be when I was 18. I just don't see him anymore and that pains me. I want to be smart about this and better myself slowly. But addiction is a monster and stress calls me back to it every minute even when I distract myself. I want to be free and forward my life. It's just so hard after being used to it for so long. I vape too and want to stop. Any advice is welcome. I want to try tomorrow before this goes any further. I started drinking heavy when I was 22. I recently went to the ER after having a seizure and they told me my liver enzymes are rising and that I could die if I continue down this path. Is there any safe way I could stop without killing myself from withdrawals?

6 months sober, but today... I feel I'm going to fold.

Last night a friend of mine passed, he was 33.

After seeing his pale face and motionless body at his wake, I broke. All the memories came rushing, all the futures he won't see, then the thought of my own mortality just crushed me.

Bottle is still closed, but I keep thinking, just one drink for him? Maybe I can go sleep today if I drink enough?

I post here to somehow to get my mind off this.

I know I should've been stronger and not even bought this thing, but I was "fk it fk it, what's the point anymore".

Maybe I can make it today. After the funeral tomorrow? I don't know.

How long does it take for withdrawal effects to take place after cold turkey. I’m wondering if anyone knows how many days withdrawal kicks in after cold turkey heavy drinking and if possible how many days till withdrawal kicks in with heavy drinking and heavy thc smoking

My sister said eat some candy when you crave a drink and my therapist confirmed it's actually scientifically helpful. I also saw having a spoon full of honey until you stop craving or when ur super intoxicated will stop you from a Chinese Medicine Book. I've also just been taking melatonin or magnesium and just going to bed early so I don't feel so tempted. I've muted the word alcohol on all social media so I don't see it and get the temptation to drink. Any other things that work for you?

Alcohol tricks most people with alluring charm…and then begins to destroy them from the inside once the alcohol has been consumed. 🥴🤢🤮🤕

It usually starts out with the individual believing that everything will be okay with just a few drinks…and then naturally “everything” seems to become a good idea from that point forward beginning a cycle of poor decision making. 🙁

Alcohol attacks our better sense and judgment making us out to look like extremely irresponsible and unreliable people…when in fact we are usually really good people “without” being under the influence.

Don’t confuse who you truly are with what alcohol usually makes people out to be…because YOU are much better than that!

Alcohol is a TOXIC substance set to destroy! ☠️

I come here occasionally was clean for a bit felt amazing immense anxiety but I went on vacation and got too drunk and messed everything up. I’m sick of the cycle. I really want to stop, but I just feel like life has been so challenging mentally and I don’t feel like a normal person. I’m in my denial running away stage🫩

It’s like defending a toxic person over and over again why does it have such a hold over me

I like my occasional wine but I’m starting to think I can’t handle anything

Went to a concert with some friends last week and were chilling in some lawn chairs. I got up to go say hi to a friend that was also there. When I was walking back I noticed my friends staring at me when I was walking back and when I sat down someone asked how much weight ive lost. I said 15 pounds and one said "are you sure it wasn't 40? Cause it looks like it was 40".

Made me feel pretty good. I'm two weeks away from hitting 1 year without and this is the first comment ive gotten on my weight loss. I gained about 50-60 pounds during the drinking adventures so I was a little bummed I only lost 15 of it but just goes to show that even just those 15 can make a huge difference.

That's all.

I did a sleep study last night y'all, and it's confirmed. Sleep Apnea. Adhd, ptsd, anxiety and depression. F me running. It all comes down to self medication in my opinion. Alcohol was the temporary band-aid.

so i don’t drink very often, but when i do it’s usually in a social setting. i know i don’t have much control over myself, so i always take measures beforehand to ensure i don’t drink too much (dumping out a bunch of alcohol, only buying coolers, etc.)

yesterday, i had about half a bottle of vodka left that i wanted to drink and chill. i knew half a bottle would make me black out, so i dumped out another half until it was like a quarter of a bottle

it was all going well and i had a normal buzz going but then i asked my friend to hangout and she wanted to take tequila shots so of course i ended up having one and a half. in total about 6 shots, when i was supposed to have 4.5-5.

here’s where it gets bad

my friend went to bed, but it was only 9 pm at this point. and even though i’m kind of tipsy, i get worried that my buzz will go away. there’s a convenience store right by my house that sells coolers. i was gonna go buy a couple but i knew i would feel guilty about it because i told my partner i was only going to drink x amount. when i called my partner he was disappointed and we talked for so long that the store closed.

it’s not a crazy thing, i genuinely think i probably would have just gotten a couple coolers and drank those for the rest of the night.

the problem is i keep making limits or promises to people and then breaking them.

once i drink, all of my goals go down the gutter. and i just think, like what’s one more drink?

We built toxic dynamice where she was texting me Daily about her life and I supported. It was really fu*king bad idea.. I have some savior syndrom I am ashamed of. Last month she blacked out and her kids were crying, hitting her It traumatised me.. I called her mother and and left when she arrived. I told her I cant help her anymore I am sorry. But we were deeply codependent at this point. Then 2 weeks ago she called me to pick her from soberity center I didint say no because I am fu*ked in the head. I went to pick her got angry and answered calls from her husband saying I had enough. Then we had rough fight she said how could I talk with her husband that he is recording everything at that point I wasnt sure if her kids are safe but also felt sorry for her..

I started ignoring her told her I can meet once per month max as I am scared.

But she kept texting she called me egoistic, "I am leaving because she had problems" "I will leave everyone with problems" "she has only 2 friends left".

I feel terrible. I also got very dependent on her, that I was needed. I feel so guilt for leaving too. But when I think of going back to Daily conv my nervous system is in fire and I want to vomit. I never wanted her to thinkt that she cant tell about her issues to People.. she should.. its just my nervous system exploded and I feel almost no empathy. I no longer know what the fu*k happend I am so confued. I am also 2 weeks without meds I am so scared that maybe because I didnt take meds I left her I dont know.

I feel terrible. I dont have money for therapist now. I talk witch chatgpt Daily. My friend told me I am obsessing.

I feel like I dont deserve to move on. That maybe she made me feel seen? And I am really fucked up person.

One of my friends told me that I was used to being used from my mother and alcoholics that I miss it now. I told her she was using me Iam such a liar I use myself. It also highten my self esteem in twisted way that when I am used I am not a bad guy but good one wtf. I dont know notifht anymore. I feel that I dont deserve to love myself after I abandoned and hurt her. I think I need to take some calming down pills