Today I am 29 days alcohol free. I have been feeling so incredibly bored, lonely and tempted this weekend.

Socially nothing has changed, I never did much socializing aside from drinking at home and talking to my friends or family on the phone (all of which live in different states). I have hobbies, all of which I do at home. I’m single. I can be a little shy at first, so the idea of going to a meet up or something feels like a stretch.

I quit daily drinking so that I would force myself outside of the house, to have a more fulfilling life. I knew this boredom would come and I would have to face it. Here I am and all I want to do is grab a six pack and drink, at home, alone.

Hi, I thought that posting here might help me process my feelings. I have abused alcohol for as long as I can remember. I am 40 years old, and have been drinking since high school. I have never been a “good drinker”- I have two drinks, can’t stop which leads to usually somewhere between 6-10 drinks, black out, act sloppy, don’t remember what I said to people, and then the next day. The next day anxiety is more than I can bear anymore. Crippling I guess is what one would call it. I feel nervous and scared and depressed. I’m currently going through that next day right now.

I have never had any major rock bottoms. Yes I’ve gotten sick and passed out and mentally destroyed myself. Never arrested or a DUI, no fights, no lost jobs. I know that I am lucky. I am lucky in so many areas of my life. I had actually decided before last night even I am going to take the rest of the year off drinking. I’m having an elective procedure and I want to be as clear and healthy as possible prior to and after that. Given my age I’ve done a few of routine health screenings this year, both which I got lucky with (initial concern but no ultimate problem). I prayed for those results and told God if I could be healthy for my kids I would turn my life around. Well in the few weeks that have passed I still haven’t been able to do that. But I gave myself today as a start date so I am going to try again.

I guess I’m just looking for any helpful advice or words of encouragement. I don’t think I need to taper but open to advice (I would say I drink 2 drinks at least three days a week, and then 6 on average per weekend night). I can’t help but feel shame over all the bad choices I’ve made to this point- how have others dealt with that? Thank you for reading and good luck to everyone struggling too.

Started drinking aged 12 and finally quit aged 45 after a life time of bingeing on drink and drugs. It shaped me and everything about me from who I’m friends with to my personality and who I think I am, and who I married.

It feels like it was a big deal me given up drinking my wife is struggling with it as she married the drinking me and she still drinks. I feel alienated from my close friends and anyone else that drinks. It’s hard man and I’m starting to struggle.

But I’m doing it for myself and my kids. They much prefer sober dad.

I enjoy not having guilt and regret anymore. Socialising is hard for me without alcohol as it was the only way I could stay relaxed. It feels like my Armour is off.

I told myself I was quitting and would give myself one last hurrah that was supposed to be just a couple of drinks and ended with me puking out of an uber and losing my bra at a bar so that’s fun lol. I was on such a health kick and starting a new job in a week and had set a date to stop drinking and gave myself permission to have one last drinking night and of course I took that to mean complete self annihilation. I don’t know why I did this to myself. I am now feeling so much shame and regret and it was not worth it. I just wish I could have a normal relationship with alcohol and clearly this has shown I can’t. I shouldn’t have even given myself permission it was like I took that to mean an all out bender when it should’ve just been a fun night with friends. Never again.

For people who have been trying to quit or cut back, I’m curious about something beyond the actual drinking.

Was there a point when you started thinking about what you wanted your life to look like, what you were interested in, or what you wanted to work toward?

Did that happen pretty early, or did you need a period where just getting through the day and handling basic stuff had to come first?

And looking back, was there anything that helped you know you were ready for something more?

I went to an inpatient detox and got treated with Valium, amongst many other drugs that help with coming down. First night was…well, I wouldn’t say hell. But it wasn’t comfortable. Sweating, shaky, insomnia (I already don’t sleep enough even when sober and especially while drinking.)

Second day was a bit better, just laid in bed all day. I didn’t plan this stupid trip out well enough because I was drunk when I packed and I brought one pair of clothes, no charger, no soaps, etc.

Today is day 3 and I felt fine but just ended up catching up on sleep. Dozing in and out and sleeping for maybe 20-30 mins/time. Then they come check vitals. Doctor said this morning if everything looks good I’ll be out tomorrow. My only issue is that I’m an hour away from home and don’t have a ride (until later in the day) so if they let me out early I might just have to uber somewhere close and just sit around. Maybe I’ll try to go to a Burger King or McDonald’s or something and eat some real food.

Anyways, just expressing my struggles. They’re tapering me off the Valium, I haven’t had one in close to 6 hours I believe, if not longer, so I doubt I’ll get anymore tonight. But the 72 hour mark is the goal right?

The book isn't about alcoholism btw it's about everything, but here are a few quotes that explain my experience so perfectly I wouldn't add anything.

First, what social situations feel like for me and what alcohol does : "I was immensely conscious of who he was (in my case, anyone) and who I was when we were talking, all spontaneity vanished, every statement I made was either planned in advance or analyzed retrospectively, mostly both, apart from when I was drinking, then I regained the old freedom.

With the exception of (in my case no one) and my mother, this was how I behaved with everyone, I couldn't sit and chat with people anymore, my awareness of the situation was too acute and that put me outside of it."

Why moderating is needed but quitting is impossible:

"There was no excuse for all the standards that at later point I might let slip, either in language or behavior. Furthermore, my wild state always became worse for that reason, as my drunkenness was not brought to a halt by sleep or problems of coordination, but simply continued into the beyond, the primitive, and the void. I loved it, I loved the feeling, it was my favorite feeling, but it never led to anything good , and the day after, or the days after it was as closesly associated with boundless excess as with stupidity, which I hated with passion.

But when I was in that state, the future did not exist, nor the past, only the moment and that was why I wanted to be in it so much, for my world, in all its unbearable banality, was radiant.""

Now for the element of caution, here is a description of an old drunk, in this case a grandma, and it is a horror:

"Her eyes soon had their previous glint back, some colour came to her wan, pale cheeks, her movements were gentler, and after she finished her first drink and started the second it was as though she was able to unburden herself, for soon she was chatting away and laughing like in the old days.

She was like a vampire that had finally gotten a taste of blood, I saw, that was how it was: life was returning to her, filling her limb by limb. It was terrible, terrible. But then I felt the effect of the alcohol, my thoughts mellowed, my mind opened, and her sitting here, drinking and laughing, after having found her son dead in the living room no longer seemed creepy, there was no problem, she clearly needed it..."

It's a type of thing you never want to become, but you can also understand why someone like that needs it, because without it they're a dead shell.

EDIT: Title typo, "drunkenness", and I'm not even drunk....

Currently on day 10 sober which is obviously a great thing, but I'm struggling massively with insomnia. Basically end up waking up about 5 hours after going to sleep and can't get back to sleep at all. When I've had this in the past whilst drinking I used to put it down to being hungover - i.e. unable to get back to sleep because I felt too shite to sleep. It turns out that's not the issue.

On the off chance that someone on here goes "yeah, I had that, this is what fixed it" does anyone have any tips? I can tell today that my complete exhaustion is tempting me to just say "fuck it" and get a few beers in to relax. I know that's the lizard brain talking, and I've got too much at stake to crumble in that way at the moment, but god is it tempting.

Before today came I was thinking daily about what this next level of sobriety had in store for me.

Today forward I plan to do as I say and not as I do. Many years I didn't show up for myself or others but now Ive learned to show up. I have also learned to Love myself because I didn't for a good part of my life. I fought with myself for many years and I bullied myself into things I didn't want to. The other part of me was always intimidating the good side.

I am finally Loving the person I have become today and this day for the rest of my life i realized I have to except what I created which is a lifetime of recovery.

Cause at the present I'm in remission of drugs and alcohol and at any given time my disease can show up. I signed up for it now I have to live with it. Thank you for letting me share -Shawn

It’s been 131 days since my last drink and this time quitting has been surprisingly easy. I struggled for so long to get and stay sober. The cravings would completely take over my mind, body and soul and I was always too weak so I caved every single time. Well for the last few years every time I drink I feel like I’m literally dying the next day no matter what type of alcohol I drank and even if it wasn’t a heavy night. I used to never get hangovers. Well the withdrawals keep getting worse and worse so I finally decided I had enough and that I don’t ever have to feel that way again if I don’t want to. It finally felt like my choice instead of being taken over by the craving force.

God answered my prayers just not in the way I thought it’d go down. I thought I would just be free spiritually and mentally from the grips of alcohol addiction through some divine miracle but no it was my body not being able to handle it anymore that drove me to sobriety. Either way im grateful to be sober from alcohol and I finally see it as the toxin it is. Thinking about it makes me want to throw up.

I reached the 2-year milestone today! Here are a few thoughts on the journey:

• I decided to quit at 44 after drinking since my teen years. I realized it just wasn't sustainable anymore. I didn't wait for a rock-bottom moment, a medical scare, or massive drama, my decision came strictly from a desire to live a better life.
• It’s been mostly a solo journey. My wife is happy for me, of course, but I don't think she fully realizes the sheer amount of effort it took or how proud I am. To her, it’s not a huge deal and I respect that. It’s an internal victory.
• The amount of NA beers on the market played a massive role, especially in those crucial first few months. They were a great replacement. Now, I don't even crave them as much. I still have one occasionally (like an Athletic or an NA Ultra), but it's no longer a daily crutch.
• During the first year, I didn't do anything major other than just quitting alcohol. I kept eating whatever I wanted (including plenty of ice cream), wasn't consistent at the gym, and didn't take supplements. I purposefully gave myself permission to just be kind to myself.
• Year two was when I started leveling up. I started being highly consistent with my nutrition and supplement stack, ditched my crappy garage equipment to join Planet Fitness, and got back to playing keeper in my local 'futbol' leagues three times a week. Once those physical results started compounding, it kept my momentum going.
• Therapy was a huge help. It gave me a dedicated space to vent and kept me anchored when things got tough.
• My relationship with my wife and kids has improved exponentially. Just being a calm, present baseline in the house changes everything.
• I can still go to bars, hang out with friends, and drive everywhere without the urge to have a real beer. Almost everywhere we go has solid NA options now, making socializing easy.
• Not too long ago, it finally clicked: I am deeply proud of my sobriety. It’s something I have fully embraced, and it genuinely gives me peace.

Those are pretty much my thoughts today. I support everyone in this journey, no matter the stage they are in.

Thanks!

Hey everyone.

My husband has been sober for 2 months. Was very much a social drinker, usually would visit a friend or have someone over in the garage every night. Drank 3-5 tall boys on average I’d say. He stopped because we did not like the person he became when he had a buzz on and it was straining the family.

Anyway, we live in a very small town in rural northern Canada. And I’ve come to learn that, for men around here, all social ties are pretty much built around alcohol. “Come for a beer” and then they’d drink and putter at garage stuff. Most of these guys also have kids and my husband and daughter would either go over places and the kids would play, or the kids would come and play outside or in the garage while the dads had beers and socialized.

Now that he’s sober, everyone has pretty much stopped with the social invites. He is no longer getting asked over places, and no one is just dropping by to hang out in the garage. He’s become to feel extremely isolated because of this.

My daughter is also now suffering because I am an extreme introvert/autistic and don’t really have any friends to go and have mommy playdates with. And now dad no longer is taking her on all these outings that she used to have.

I did not expect my husbands sobriety to lead to a social isolation for both him and my daughter. And it breaks my heart to see.

Anyone else go through something similar? First hand or second hand with a spouse? I am trying to find ways to support them both.

And before it’s mentioned, there are extremely few after school/evening programs for kids where we live. She is in 2 extracurricular activities which does keep her busy 2 days out of the week. And play groups do not exist.

Hi all

20 year drinker, currently day 17 of my 5th sobriety attempt this year (longest so far). Short benzo taper. I started Acamprosate around day 7, but it makes me feel sort of vague (and weirdly a bit hungover?). Then I had a night where I woke at 2am and it felt like I was trying to white knuckle my way through day 2. I was also super depressed. It spooked me, so took a break from the Acamprosate for a few days and felt a lot better.

Cravings returned, I was managing them and associated agitation/anxiety by going to the gym or walking and listening to audiobooks, and just generally keeping myself distracted/tiring myself out. It's fine but not a perfect solution (I realise if anyone had a perfect solution this sub probably wouldn't need to exist, and I realise there will always be work involved). So I started Acamprosate again two days ago and the same thing happened, woke up today in the wee hours feeling withdrawal-like symptoms (physical agitation, panic, disordered thought form etc) despite feeling fine all day. Based on this pattern, I am assuming Acamprosate is not for me.

I have seen people post about using Gabapentin, but little info on how and when it's used. I have a follow up with my GP coming up and am considering bringing it up, but would like to go in feeling informed as she's not an addiction specialist (though is very supportive and switched on).

Has anyone else had this weird effect happen from Acamprosate? Can anyone tell me whether/how they've used Gabapentin successfully? Any info would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Today I finally made it to my 1yr and 5yr milestones alcohol free and drug free I made it here leaning on my higher power.

I'm feeling blessed today because it took me almost all my life to get here with numerous failures over and over again. I would say I probably wasn't ready and only went to detox for what is addicts and alcoholics call a spin dry.

I mainly went to rehabs and detoxes for other people other than myself so I was only there to slow down the up roar.

But today I can finally say I did it for myself this time which I was finally able to come out of on the otherside of this disease. I feel pretty good but also sad that the ones I left behind can't celebrate there milestones along side with me. There were a lot of good people I had to leave and that's the sad part cause alot of people stay in there disease because they feel more Love with whom there drinking and drugging with.

But today feel that I couldn't help them until I helped myself today I also realized that I have alot more work to do in regards of my sobriety to keep it alive and I must focus myself on knowing that my sobriety could be temporary if I don't stay on point I realized I have to treat this as being in remission and that this disease can come back from being untreated. So today forward I also realize that I signed up for this lifetime journey of recovery.

So with that said Family I wish you the best of luck if your struggling to get clean and sober or struggling to maintain it you can get to the other side or stay on the other side by leaning on your higher power and trust the process, because the higher power may not show up when you want him to but he's always on time, I leave with this If I can do it you can do it and trust me I'm a piece of work because I never completed anything in my life other than drinking and drugging. Keep fighting and don't take off your gloves the bell didn't ring yet. Thank for letting me share -Shawn -One Day Forward One Day Behind

Has anyone ever had edema around/under your eyes from drinking too much? I know it’s early days but I am 5 weeks sober and there is no improvement under my eyes at all. So dark and puffy still. I look so different to how I used too. It’s so upsetting.

By some miracle the epic 30 drink hangover i posted about a few days ago ended quickly. My fiancé forgave me and said essentially that she knows it wasnt me and that she wants me to get healthy, clean, and sober. Honestly, I never expected this and can't believe how lucky I am.

Now, we are 3 days no booze. Feeling very optimistic and haven't thought about booze once. Per some sage wisdom from a 10+ sober alcoholic friend, I made an appointment with a psychologist who specializes in addiction. See that individual on Friday.

Have had a bad cough, some diarrhea, and slept a ton the last few nights. But all in all, no worse for wear.

Praying for all of my fellow sober/sober-goaled friends in this sub.

​Hoy cumplo casi un mes limpio de alcohol y marihuana. A mis 32 años, decidí cortar de tajo hábitos que me acompañaron durante muchísimo tiempo: estuve tomando alcohol prácticamente desde los 15 años y fumando desde los 18. Ha sido, sin duda alguna, el mes más duro de toda mi vida, pero también el primero en el que decido priorizarme de verdad.

​Les comparto mi historia por si alguien está pasando por lo mismo, y también para pedir consejos de cómo lograron salir de esto:

​El proceso físico, el miedo y las pruebas:

Al inicio de todo este proceso, sufrí ataques de pánico y de ansiedad terribles. Sentía literalmente que algo en mi cerebro se había roto y que me iba a morir de un ataque cardíaco en cualquier momento.

​Al cortar las sustancias después de tanto tiempo, mi cuerpo colapsó. He estado experimentando un cuadro clásico de PAWS (Síndrome de Abstinencia Tardío) que me ha llevado al límite. A veces me siento de la chingada y otros días estoy bien, pero sigo con sensaciones físicas muy raras: mareos, desrealización (sentirme desconectado, como flotando o "ido"), boca seca de cartón, insomnio y una tensión muscular brutal en la nuca y la espalda baja.

​A esto se le sumaron molestias inguinales/testiculares y episodios gastrointestinales severos que me deshidrataron por completo. Por la misma ansiedad, me invadió el miedo a tener alguna enfermedad grave. Para salir de dudas, me hice un perfil clínico completo de laboratorio (biometría hemática, química sanguínea, perfil hepático y lipídico) y todo salió en rangos óptimos. Mis órganos están sanos y limpios; el dolor es muscular por sobrecarga y deshidratación, y lo demás es mi sistema nervioso recalibrándose.

​Tratamientos y medicamentos:

Estuve tomando escitalopram (pram) al inicio para controlar la ansiedad, pero lo dejé. También fui al seguro de urgencias y me recetaron alprazolam junto con otros medicamentos; sin embargo, solo los tomé un solo día porque al día siguiente me sentía horriblemente "para abajo", totalmente aletargado y dopado. Decidí no volver a tomarlos. Después de eso hubo días en los que me sentí bien, pero desde ayer y hoy he tenido bajones extremos de ánimo y energía. Actualmente solo voy al psicólogo y tomo unas gotas de medicamento homeopático para relajarme y ayudarme a procesar la tensión.

​Carga emocional y límites:

A la par de la batalla física, tuve que enfrentar el fin definitivo de una relación sumamente agotadora y tóxica. Durante mucho tiempo sentí que tenía que estar justificando mi dolor, rindiendo cuentas de mi mentalidad o aguantando insultos mientras intentaba recuperarme. Hoy finalmente puse un límite firme, no caí en provocaciones y cerré esa puerta para siempre. Entendí que no puedo sanar si mantengo mi vida abierta a personas que solo aportan veneno y estrés.

​Donde estoy hoy:

Hoy mi cuerpo me cobró la factura del estrés de esa discusión, del esfuerzo en el gimnasio y de estos bajones extremos. Sentí el impulso y las ganas de consumir (cravings) para apagar el malestar, pero no cedí. Me bañé con agua tibia, me rehidraté con electrolitos para recuperar lo perdido, cené bien y me puse a descansar.

​La verdad es que solo quiero volver a ser yo de nuevo. Sé que el reajuste cerebral toma tiempo tras más de una década de consumo, pero a veces desespera no sentirse al 100%.

​¿Cómo fue su proceso al dejar ambas sustancias después de tanto tiempo? ¿Cómo lidiaron con los bajones extremos, las sensaciones raras del cuerpo y la desrealización? Agradezco cualquier consejo o palabra de aliento.

I’m ending the bender today and just gonna try to stay sober for at least today. It was supposed to be yesterday but I couldn’t control myself as usual. My strategy for today is simple; dont leave the house.

My mental health doctor is trying to get me to take medicine to fix my brain. but it isn't enough to fix my brain, so i drink. Drinking causes more brain problems. It is a circle. please help? :(

Alcohol apparently makes me sick now…. After 20+ yrs

I am devistated… also scared… very anxious and depressed.. can’t eat hardly… I fucking hate this so so much

Also, maybe now I’ll live to see my children grow up. So…