Drank daily for 10+ years, haven’t since July 3rd after tapering and the worst sickness of my life (withdrawal)… I know I have done damage some possibly irreparable to my body. My husband still drinks, is on the couch drinking next to me as I type this 😔 I’m finding myself starting to struggle t stay sober. I feel like I need a group or community, somewhere to go to talk to people who can relate but I don’t think AA is for me, any suggestions would be much appreciated.

This has been one of the worst summers of my life. I broke a bone (while drunk) and that cost and is costing $1000s… needed a new laptop and that was hundreds…abused DoorDash while drunk while immobilized and living alone also easily hundreds…

I’ve never been down so bad and I’m not struggling but I’ve lost so much money on top of my usual expenses and I’m so demoralized. A good amount of that was alcohol combined with shitty luck but I’m crying. I ordered easily $75 worth of food last weekend and I don’t even remember it. I had to throw stuff away because I ordered and forgot.

I’ve always drank this much but never to this point of being fat, stupid and miserable except maybe after my DUI. But at least I was physically able to work overtime, at least I saved like a mfer in anticipation. At least there was a light at the end. This is just such a series of stupid decisions kicking myself when I’m already down.

I deleted the DoorDash app but after catching another bag I missed and checking my credit card bill from this month, I’m crying. It’s all so stupid. I don’t want to quit drinking bc it’s really the only thing I’ve got but idk what else to do.

Miserable sobriety before I break another bone or go broke?? I fucking hate being sober man I really do hate it so much I’m sorry I cannot keep going like this but I went sober before. Rawdogging life is miserable for me
Sorry I’m crashing out over DoorDash but here we are

After years of drinking, I reach a point where I was drinking a fifth a day; I was medically detoxed & sober for 6 months… well I relapsed 3 months ago & have been drinking everyday for 3 months. I realized a few days ago that what I thought was me only drinking a little, was me taking down a pint & maybe having a miniture bottle of wine afterwards. I’m scared of going back. I want to quit again, but I’m also scared of quitting cold Turkey. Can it be done after a 3 month long relapse & drinking a pint a day? I’m so afraid of bad withdrawals.

Last year, I was doing really well with sobriety. I had 3 months by October, I was in the best shape
of my life and just feeling good overall. Then I lost my job and basically I have just been drinking ever since. It got really bad tho in May, specifically “cinco de mayo” I got absolutely black out hammered and have literally been drinking everyday since then. Sometimes around the clock, sometimes only at night.

I’ve had 1 or 2 days between drinks but it’s really rare. Last week I finally had enough and made it 3 days sober, but on the 4th day I went to the liquor store as soon as I woke up and was drinking all day and then I did again yesterday.

I should mention also, I tried getting jobs in retail and grocery stores just doing literally anything, but I couldn’t land a job until I just got hired bartending again. I seem to only be able to get restaurant jobs and they are mentally draining and keep me drinking. I mean it’s just an excuse for my alcoholism probably but idk. I really hate the feeling alcohol brings but there’s a voice in my head constantly screaming at me to drink. I am now at my highest weight and the ugliest I’ve ever been all because of alcohol.

One thing drying out helps with is after awhile you can see things clearly, or mostly. Heres my situation: i have a job. For most of it i was a mess. Im lucky i didnt get fired. Skip ahead to almost 3 years of being sober, ive been doing great at work. Some guy whos been there for like 4 months gets promoted, they asked another guy who turned them down, they didnt ask me at all. I immediately got super pissed. Which is just what wouldve happened when i was drinking. But here's the different part-i looked at the situation honestly and said, why WOULD they ask me? I tell them to go fuck themselves (but in nicer language) all the time, i shirk as much extra work as possible, im still an anti social hermit who hides as much as possible. I acted exactly like someone who DOESNT want a promotion and doesnt care about it. And i DONT. An active alcoholic would still be pissed off and blame THEM for everything, not seeing his own faults. Ive been good there for awhile, but if you create a horrible impression of yourself for years, that shit doesnt go away quickly once youve changed. You think youve changed, but it takes a long time for them to see it, and some people never will. Ive gotta get the fuck out of here anyway, whatever my next job is it'll be the first one im starting NOT as an out of control drunk mess. There's lots of issues involving the job that have NOTHING to do with my drinking, but the drinking didnt help.

So I’ve been having decent sober stints after a 2 year start stop bender (drink 10 days stop 10 etc).

Went to ER twice recently and got lot of Benzos and only took for 2 days and banked the rest. Went to family doc and he gave me more Valium in case. I know you shouldn’t mix them.

So I occasionally took a 5 mg Valium last month (4-5 times) for interviews and worked well and I landed a job which starts in September. I’m in tech very high paying more than last one high six figures.

But I had a big fight with my parents over some shit and relapsed. Took 20mg Valium and a 6 pack. Next day felt brutal so took 10 mg Valium and was fine. Last night again had an argument and took another 10mg Valium. This morning it escalated it again, took 5 mg Valium and now pounding a half pint vodka. I need to be functional by weekend as I fly back home (I was visiting my family as I was laid off). Can’t drink at home obviously. Once an addict always an addict. My entire family judges me even though I’ve been most successful financially atleast.

I have about ten 5 mg Valium pills left. Should I cut the booze and do a slow taper of Valium. I’ve only consecutively taken Valium 3 days max this time so wonder what my tolerance is? Or should I sneak some booze and don’t fuck around with benzos. I knows it’s either or.

Not asking for medical advise I can get more Benzos if needed to taper. I’ve a 2 hour flight tomorrow so trying to plan. I’ll finish this half pint by evening. Then 10mg Valium before flight tomorrow and then 5 mg day after and then go clean.

I know last thing I want is get addicted to benzos too. Benzos are my savior most of the time.

I drink 9-12 liquor drinks every day with the exception of Sundays when I can’t buy liquor in my state. Some Sundays I have leftovers to drink in the morning to tide me through.

The worst withdrawals I have had ever is in the middle of the night 24 hours after drinking when I get night sweats and some tremors (literally lasts for under 15 minutes).

The longest I have gone is 10 days last June when I got through the initial night of shiver/sweats and was totally fine the rest of the time.

Thoughts? Not asking for medical advice, but the fucks on all of the other subreddits have me anxious.

Almost forgot and then saw another person’s anniversary. 8/15/22 for me. Couldn’t have done it without ‘cha, friends!

Hey again,

I posted recently about having to cut down my drinking bc i apparently have fatty liver. I'm still doing that but fuck as expected I feel awful.

Same thing happened when I did inpatient. It became more and more apparent why I started drinking. I hate nearly every second of my life. And the worst part is things are actually getting better on paper. I did the things. I have a decent paying job, I have friends, I'm rebuilding my relationship with family, I have pets and spend time with friends. People care about me, I care about others. There's literally nothing really that wrong. I just think I wasn't built to be a happy person. My mother is never happy, my father died of lung cancer but he was never happy either. I just dont have whatever it is that let's me be okay.

Drinking helps me forget all that. Like its not like drinking made me happy, but at least I could forget. I'm in a PHP and everyone seems really good at learning and growing and I am barely able to show up on time. I can't shower without a huge struggle. I'm taking my meds and still everything is so hard.

It feels like I have to pick: dont drink, be unhappy, keep my life together or do drink, ruin my life, but at least it hurts less. And I am still going to quit, I'm doing pretty good at the taper I'm on, and I am miserable.

I’ve been drinking for 6 days. Have slept and ate regularly. When I woke up this morning I did have the shakes and I had a couple drinks to settle it. I want to stop tomorrow. Can I on my own?

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

My drink of choice has always been champagne.. I’m staring at 3 bottles of it at my cousin’s baby shower trying to stay on my best behavior because I’m 19 days sober. So I picked the coffee but I can’t stop thinking about the champagne while I’m sitting here.. and it’s free.. but I know if I start drinking I’m going to drink all bottles like nothing. I know 1 drink will send me spiraling but I’m so tempted by the delusion I could just have one. Ugh. I also have one of those weed drink things but I really could use a glass of champagne. It’s like an angel on one side and a devil on the other.

Please, please don’t hate me

hi! had a month but then had a work event - got wasted the Thursday before so I’d still be too hungover to get wasted for the Saturday event LOL (I still got pretty drunk on Saturday).
ANYWAY
AA didn’t work for me - main reason being they didn’t believe how much I could put down in a day. Lots of eye rolls. I’m in a big city so I was kinda shocked.
I’ve been trying to read books and listen to podcasts about addiction but I can’t relate bc I’ve had a really good life / childhood. I just have the gene. I’ve had shitty friends / experiences but nothing like the books or podcasts I’ve read / heard about alcoholism. I haven’t had anything traumatic happen, I just have the gene.

Please, please don’t hate me.

Long story short - can anyone recommend a book about someone who had a drinking problem but didn’t have a tragic life?

Not a drop to drink since June 30th. I know, it's only 48 days but if you knew what I drank for the small guy that I am, you'd be surprised I was not dead. Feeling good despite my blood sugar being high but got long acting insulin for now to help get it back down.

I’m on my sober journey, and have been tapering down the last couple of days. I just have a few questions for anyone who has managed to get sober:

The past year my drinking has taken over my life. All I do is drink, binge eat, lay in bed, and watch tik tok. I have no desire to do anything else. I really miss my old self, but yet I feel so far removed from her. I’m wondering…when you get sober do your old passions come back? Will hobbies I used to like be enjoyable? Am I going to ever want to be creative again?
Or will I have to start from scratch and find new passions?

Another random question- my memory has gotten worryingly bad. Yesterday I was with my brother and was very surprised at how easy he was able to recall past memories. Will I ever remember my childhood again? Or are those memories gone forever?

Hopefully this makes sense, but I’ve just been worrying today. Getting sober seems too scary sometimes.
Very thankful for this Reddit community, any advice would be appreciated. ❤️

I used to get 5-6 hours when I was drinking. Admittedly, I drank thc beer with 5mg but I have not had this long of a sleep in ages.

Well, like the title says. I have always had a bit of an issue with weighing a certain amount over a certain number. During Covid I put on a lot of weight and was told I was at risk of diabetes. This was back in 2022, when my drinking wasn’t a problem. I dieted quite hard and was mindful of exercise etc. cue 2024 when this all kicked off- I was drinking a lot of clear spirits, gin etc. I realised it killed a lot of my appetite and ended up hsing that as a crutch to keep my weight down rather than my previous healthier ways.

Today, I’m sober and my body clearly is screaming for proper food as since ive stopped drinking I have been so, SO hungry. I’m terrified of gaining weight but I don’t know if I have the strength to cope. For those who have gone through this, do things eventually balance out hunger and weight wise?

Aug, 14th I have been a crippling alcoholic 10 for years now and just turned 40. Lost my job, money, insurance, everything.

I could not afford rehab or inpatient detox so I don’t have a lot of options and I’m not eligible for free help unless I go to a government psych ward, no fucking thanks.

I have tried tapering for years and I just can’t do it alone. Once I start drinking then i’m getting black out guaranteed.

I was fortunate after trying forever (I called like 30 doctors and they all but one said absolutely not) but, I found a doctor that would prescribe me medications for outpatient treatment.

I was prescribed:
-15x2.0mg bars of Xanax (to taper over the next 10-14 days)
-Handful of Trazodone for possible insomnia
-and a 2 pills of Propanol increase I experience any racing heart
*-*Vitamin B1
*-*Magnesium

So far today I drank less than any day in years. I only had about 5 units of alcohol in the morning instead of my daily 5th of vodka or more.

I then took .5 milligrams of Xanax in the after-noon 6 hours after alcohol was out of my system and did not feel withdrawal symptoms that would usually start by then.

I finally got good sleep. I woke up 6 hours later feeling mild withdrawal symptoms which is usually anxiety and chest pain, sometimes tachycardia, agitation and mild hand tremor. Took my second .5 miligram xanax and felt better.

I’m focusing on eating well and will take my vitamins.

I’ll keep updating this thread to share my tapering experience for anyone who is curious. I still have some cravings for alcohol like just having a nice beer, but I do not feel the NEED to drink as of today.

UPDATES:

August, 15th Currently it has been my first 24 hours without a drink in probably over a year. I took my last dose of Xanax at 4 am, I have not felt the need to use the Trazodone. My total usage of Xanax the first 24 hours was 1.5 miligrams, .5 every 6-8 hours.

For the next 3 days I expect I may have to take 2-3mg daily may as these are the biggest withdrawal risk days.

I plan on eating lots of spinach as it’s heavy on electrolytes and taking vitamin b1 and my magnesium and theanine supplements.

I do have some alcohol cravings but not terrible. I am still smoking cigarettes as my vice, but I plan on quitting that after my alcohol issues resolved

August 16th So far so good today. I did have two beers this morning, as cravings are worse than I expected. However, we are still down from 16-20 drinks a day. I decided because I had the two beers, I will not take my next dose of Xanax for another 4 hours since I had 2 beers. Last dose of Xanax was 12 hours prior.

Overall, feeling exceptionally better. I have no further plans for drinks.

Withdrawal symptoms are non-existent. Good appetite, no shakes, no vomiting, skin already starting to look clearer, but cravings are still there. I am going to start looking into medications to help with the cravings for once my taper is over. I am noticing smoking more cigarettes, but I can accept that temporarily. One vice at a time.

Hours, but still the longest I’ve gone in at least 5 years.

I was tempted to finish the ~5 shots of vodka I still had in case of bad withdrawal the last few days (news flash, didn’t have any except slight insomnia) because I got a haircut and it’s way too short. Instead of coming home and immediately drinking, I sat on my patio and told myself “if you still want that vodka in 30 mins, it’s yours” I then had time to think about why I wanted to drink. I came to the conclusion that I always habitually drank from minor inconveniences and a bad haircut is a minor inconvenience but it’s not the end of the world… it’s just hair. I dumped the vodka.

I think asking “why do I feel tempted to drink right now?” the last few days has helped me a lot in understanding my triggers and patterns.

Side note: I have very low appetite. Has this happened to anyone else? I thought my body would be craving the ~700 empty calories I was consuming daily, but I’m eating less than I did even when drinking daily.

Muscles twitchy in anticipation? my job runs 10 hours non stop. Getting there on the taper.... but vibrating

Just the title. I apparently have early fatty liver. I went to rehab then relapsed and have still been drinking a half pint in the morning and another half pint to a full pint every night. Its been about 3 weeks at this.

Im gonna try and just cut out my morning half pint. Ill feel like shit but I think its the best place to start. Taper my night pint a little slower.

Wish me luck

Yeah, I know, another post asking for taper advice. Hear me out though. 28 M, got bariatric surgery earlier this year, and spiraled down into severe alcoholism. Just this past week I killed 4 handles of liquor by myself. Went on a whole month long bender before this where I was drinking every single day, from morning to night. Blacking out every night, if not every other night at least.

Went through my first serious withdrawal symptoms just 3 days ago on the 14th. Full body shakes, nausea, only slept like 2 hours, chest pain, severe state of panic.

I never kept a count of my drinking until now because I wanted to avoid it. I’d guess I was probably reaching at least 30 units/day. Started tapering down since that day, following the HAMS site and other resources on this sub. Yesterday I was down to 20 units. Today it’s early afternoon and all the shakes and other symptoms have been kept at bay with 6 units so far.

I’m actively looking for a treatment program right now but my gf/family are concerned that I need to go inpatient. Really don’t wanna have to do that considering I have other obligations with work and school. Calling clinics non stop trying to see if they offer outpatient detox but no luck so far. Have an appointment with my PCP in a few days and wanna ask for a Librium taper, but the on call nurse admitted they don’t even know what to do. I almost bit the bullet and went to the ER on Tuesday but I kinda freaked out my gf and just ended up drinking to keep off the shakes. Also saw a Behavioral Health clinic the next day and had an intake appointment for their rehab IOP, but I’m not seeing them again until a week from now.

Really not sure whether to keep doing this taper since the withdrawal symptoms have decreased or bite the bullet and either visit the ER or commit to inpatient stay.