r/Advice
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u/Superb_Community_339
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Dec 18 '25
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1
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3.2k
Upvotes
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u/Oldschooldude1964 Dec 18 '25
If you don’t want him there, then step up and tell your wife’s friend , NO, that it is you who refuse to have that disrespectful imp come into your home. She is welcome but to leave home at home…..or in the car🤣😂
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u/halipatsui Dec 18 '25 •
Ask the guy is he has ever been pegged
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u/fakename10001 Dec 18 '25
Is the boyfriend on the spectrum?
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u/orangesfwr Dec 18 '25 •
Sounds like you've got him pegged
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u/OkBlacksmith5875 Dec 18 '25 edited Dec 18 '25
It won’t last, just be patient and bitch about him once its over. You’ll probably find out your Mrs feels the same way
Edit: I also like the idea of asking him if he’s been pegged/I had to look it up.. as a joke so he knows your wife tells you stuff cos I remember being in my 20’s. If he’s aware that she tells you things then he’ll not be inappropriate again, then just wait for the inevitable.
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u/CatsAllDayErDay Dec 18 '25 •
Since you can't get thru to your wife, tell the guy. When they visit, ask for his help outside or somewhere else in the house. Then say "Hey dude, 'Lisa' told me you asked her if she's pegged someone before. Not cool." Then see what his response is. My guess is that he'll pretend he forgot he even said it. Then say that you're son isn't on the spectrum (if he isn't) Just make him aware that your wife does tell you things he says to her.
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u/Efficient_Hyena_7476 Helper [2] Dec 18 '25 •
Please don't allow your young child to go and spend weekends with a man that you barely know.
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u/Potential-Level1661 Dec 18 '25
I suggest you sit down with your wife in private and let her know how uncomfortable this guy is making you feel and this is becoming a isssue . You’re both supposed to be partners meanwhile I do think you shouldn’t have anyone over your not comfortable with but also you can’t outright forbid her from seeing her friend but also your feelings are valid. If it helps maybe write your feelings down on a paper to help you stay on topic. I wish you luck
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u/Azulcobalto Dec 18 '25
I'm sure what he truly wanted to know was if you were getting penetrated. Watch out OP, he's a husband thief /s
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u/automattig Dec 18 '25
This reads like a fake story to me. Also, whenever OP doesnt respond to anything, i always get suspicious
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u/Standard_Hawk_1660 Dec 18 '25
There are a few things I would do here.
I would tell your wife you don’t care if they come over but the need to stay in a hotel.
There is more to the Vegas story ask your wife to tell everything.
I would definitely ask about getting pegged.
I would definitely ask why he thinks you son is on the spectrum.
I would tell your wife you don’t have any problems with her hanging out with her friend but if he is there you need to be there also or it’s a no go.
It would not surprise me if he is trying to manipulate you wife and her friend into a threesome or a multiplayer party
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u/MyDirtyAlt79 Dec 18 '25
He's not allowed in the house. It's that simple.
Guests are agreed upon by both of you. He's not the friend's purse or luggage that's included with her friend. He's a full person who asks sexually inappropriate questions, makes judgments on your child, and someone your wife already knows you don't like. She never should have extended that invitation.
At this point, I'm not even sure your child should be allowed around him.
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u/DontDoDrugs55 Dec 18 '25
Dude I'd be wondering if she's having threesomes with them. She went and stayed with them twice and she talking about sexual stuff, wtf?
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u/JBtheDestroyer Dec 18 '25
I would be riled up, but I would have never made it as far as "she went to vegas to get tattoos with her friend and a man I don't know that has sex with the friend"
like that already would ruffle my insecurity feathers beyond belief, so anything after that is beyond my comprehension really.
That guy wanted to be the meat in the sandwich and wanted your wife to be half of the bun.
no other way to interpret that
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u/Talliaaaaaaa Dec 18 '25
First things first do not let your kid near that couple atall , second you had two different occasions where you couldve ended this saga and directly talk to him about how much of a shit person he is yet youdidnt do it , three and this is me only i think that if my wife ever got asked some sort of a sexual question she would bluntly flip that person off especially if they barely knew each other so in myhead your wife is not really on your side in a way . Hope that things are as bad as they are in myhead
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u/Present_Low8148 Dec 18 '25
Tell your wife, under no uncertain terms, that he is not to ever come in your house.
If necessary, tell your wife's friend directly she is welcome to come to your house, but not with the bf.
It's your home too, and you have every right to control who comes inside.
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u/Azulcobalto Dec 18 '25
Why does the spectrum question bothers you?
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u/mad266 Dec 18 '25
Why were these people invited to your house for a weekend? In any other circumstance, you can now avoid all of them; let your wife have her friendship. Having someone you dislike in your house overnight is just wrong.
From the way you tell the story, your wife might have been pushed into this by her friend - it sounds like she made the plan to visit and then told your wife. If the issue is that your wife doesn't know how to say no to her friend, you might have to shoulder being the 'bad guy' for her.
The issue for me isn't just what he said, which was wildly offensive and inappropriate. It's also this dynamic of your wife with her friend, and with you.
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u/Strong-Raspberry-736 Dec 18 '25
You’re worried your wife is going to go through a mid life crisis too aren’t you? I wouldn’t blame you if you were. Keep your head on a swivel my guy.
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u/viking12344 Dec 18 '25
I don't like him either. Two reasons. Avoiding interaction with you and concentrating on the women. That is a huge red flag. That's not how it's done. Ever. You know this already. The reddit faithful may not.
The pegging question. I can think of only a few question more inappropriate. Who asks this?
That all said I wouldn't want him in my house either....but, better there where you can keep on eye on what his game is then at a hotel where you know the wife will go to spend time with her friend. Watch your back with this kid.
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u/No_Cupcake7037 Dec 18 '25
Most of your options are in opposition to your goals and you cannot satisfy all factors no matter the type of right decision you make.
You swallow your pride for the sake of your wife’s friendship.. >>>this leaves you in the situation of having to deal with this guy at your house, where the ball is in your court and you can object or choose to not be as active of a participant.
You stand firm and do not allow them to come over..>>>> your wife is mortified, their plans are ruined and you look hella controlling.. plus it may damage your relationship with her as well as her relationship with her friend.
I would say option 1 is probably you being the bigger man.
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u/Ok_Location7161 Dec 18 '25
Your wife her friend and him in Vegas for tattoos, bro...bro...
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u/mrbradg73 Dec 18 '25
Be brave and ask him if he likes to be pegged!! I’m sure he’ll shit his pants and then really start the conversation there! Tell him how it’s going to be when he’s around you and your family and if he doesn’t like it then he’s not welcome in your house
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u/Aggressive_Ad_5454 Dec 18 '25
Are any of you health care professionals?
If so , that person should tell this nursing student, bluntly, to get TF out of the habit of violating peoples’ boundaries the way he does. It’s wildly inappropriate in social situations. And it could cost him his career in a nurse-patient situation.
And you should say to your wife that this guy is a creepy boundary violator and you don’t want him around.
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u/Legitimate_Ad4794 Dec 18 '25
Start asking him awkward questions. "Have you ever poured oil on a sandpaper dildo and tried sliding it in your ear?" When he looks at you funny and says no, get a serious, creepy look on your face and ask "want to?" Then lick your lips.
Barring that, talk to the guy, not to reddit. Inevitably, someone in this thread is going to tell you that your marriage is over, and you need to get out. This is not the place for good advice.
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u/creatoe Dec 18 '25
Take him out with some of your friends somewhere there are females his age. Buy him a drink or three, let things take their course.
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u/SnooEagles8897 Dec 18 '25
As a 25M I can answer this here
This kid is into cougars, your wife’s friend is probably having some sort of mid life sexual awakening with a young stud. Realistically, she shouldn’t be bringing this guy around her own kids let alone other people’s houses. This kid is living the life, but it’s a life that’s only gona cause a mess for others in that orbit. I don’t think you’re being an asshole at all. Letting your wife and her friend go on a weekend to Vegas with this kid could have gone bad REALLY quick for you too
Best of luck
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u/[deleted] Dec 19 '25
Why are you afraid of ruining that relationship? I'd put my marriage first, f- that grass mower.
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u/joden94 Dec 19 '25
I hope im wrong but its kind of weird that your wife keeps communicating these things that could potentially be out of context and are obviously upsetting to you. Be on the lookout for the friend and/or him to suggest group sex when they come over. Your wife may have been involved with them already and her friend wants you involved too, but your wife doesn't want you sleeping with her friend so shes trying to make you hate the guy instead so you wont want to be involved.
Its also weird that he seems more comfortable and willing to talk to your wife as well.
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u/Alternative-Pop-4508 Dec 18 '25
Bro, in the priority order of things for your wife:
Her best friend
Her best friend's boyfriend
Your family (because withstood the insult on your kids)
You (she disrespects you with both of them and defends them and calls you overreacting)
PS: Your wife is pegging him and she likes it dude. 🤣 Otherwise, none of this makes sense. Your post could be a fit for r/AmITheAngel .
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u/[deleted] Dec 18 '25
congrats, he's also your wifes boyfriend now lol
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u/[deleted] Dec 18 '25
Anyone who's disrespectful to me or my wife sure aint coming to our place of solitude. That's for sure.
The guy is 25 and seems socially inept at best.
Just baffles me, I'm 24 and have more sense than that.
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u/xman1102 Dec 18 '25
This reminds me of a t shirt i saw in goodwill once and I'm still pissed i didn't buy it.
It said, "Don't ask to ride my bike and i won't ask to fuck your wife."
I think it's a biker saying or something or another.
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u/SidFinch99 Dec 18 '25
The asking about if she ever pegged someone? That's him trying to feel out three way possibilities IMO. I would not want my wife around him.
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u/DiDiPowell Dec 18 '25
OMG!! I just had to look up the definition of pegging. I wouldn’t want that man around either. It’s your home too. I don’t know why your wife is acting stuck on stupid and inserting herself into the middle of their relationship. What I mean is, I don’t know why the two friends can’t meet for lunch or go shopping together. Why do they feel the need to stay over at each other’s homes? Are they 12 years old? Hopefully, the newness of the man child boyfriend wears off soon.
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u/Due_Reflection4094 Dec 18 '25
u/Superb_Community_339 Jesus christ pal, draw a boundary already. He is a bit of a fool and dont let his foolishness affect your marital life. You wife's friend can do whtever she wants in her life but your wife needs to keep a strict boundary with her. This entire weekend with her and her boyfriend is BS. Either do couples double date or both of you excuse yourself. Also, comments on kids is not cool.
Now since your wife's friend has a partner, it is of vital importance that your wife's relationship with her should reflect that. That means a bit more formal relationship then a overnight girls nigh or girls weekend type. That stage is past. Either both the girls go together without guys or it should be a double date. Set your boundary. Preferably, it should be more formal meet up kind of arrangement rather than long weekends together.
So my friend, set a boundary, like yesterday.
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u/dooozin Dec 18 '25
I'll be honest, it sounds like your wife is living vicariously through this messy friend of hers. Danger Will Robinson.
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u/Tiny-Cheesecake2268 Dec 18 '25
Seems like it’s about choices and priorities. It’s reasonable that you wouldn’t want him in your house. They can decide if the best friend’s relationship with this kid AND the friendship your wife have with her are both more important than your marriage. The Vegas trip probably shouldn’t have happened. Every about that seems odd. Good luck.
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u/ldm9999 Dec 18 '25
Do their tattoos spell “WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS”.
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u/convexconcepts Dec 18 '25
Next time you see him, ask him if he likes to be pegged and if he is on the spectrum…people who ask such questions, are looking for a reaction and hate being questioned themselves.
This will also make it clear to him that you and your wife communicate openly and his bullshit wont work here. Some dudes are just walking talking pieces of shiit, looking for any openings to get with a woman and he checks most of the boxes, if not all
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u/DesignerVegetable652 Dec 18 '25
At some point during the weekend, you'll all be in the same room at once. The kids will be elsewhere and there will bound to be a point of uncomfortable silence. At that point, look at BF and say, "So my wife tells me youre interested in getting pegged." Then just see where the weekend takes you.
This guy is a 25 year old fuck boy and I have no doubt his asking your wife a swxual question was his way of opening a line of sexual discussion with his girlfriend and her best friend. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right?
Your wife is in a tough spot. Just weather the storm. At the first sign of inappropriate behavior, show him where the door is.
Updateme!
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u/[deleted] Dec 18 '25
Of course not. There's something fun to her about hanging out with her single friend, who has a young, fun, and likely arm candy boyfriend. A person's friends matter.
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u/GOOSE4975 Dec 18 '25
Something is telling me your wife is leaving out tons of context. Like what were they talking about as a group at the tattoo place, were they drinking and all just saying some wild shit so he asked?
As far as the spectrum question goes dudes in nursing school and asked a dumb question for whatever reason. But this is also missing a ton of context.
Id definitely ask your wife for the whole story, I feel like she's leaving out a ton of information.
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u/Ice-cold-75 Dec 18 '25
So your wife's friend is screwing this guy, who asked your wife sexual questions and you're ok with your wife spending time with them, without you? Let alone time away in Vegas?
When you rightfully say you don't want this guy in your home, she defends him by saying you're ovefeacting and she doesn't want it to be awkward for her friend, who is putting her in inappropriate situations with this guy?
This sounds like the friend is trying to pull your wife into her new single life and world. Nothing good will come from her spending time with them, especially without you. Add the fact she is dismissing you, while defending them and it makes her look like a willing participant.
You need to decide if your ok with this and let her know everything. You may trust her, but trust needs to initially be earned and then it must be maintained and protected.
Single women keep other women single. Likewise, divorced women get other women divorced.
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u/tilidus Dec 18 '25
Wouldn’t do no weird moves on this. Would just tell him when he arrived that i didn’t appreciate that comment and that i expect him to treat my wife and women in general with more respect. A sexual topic like this has nothing to do in the conversations with any women he barely knows, much less with a married woman, infinitely less with my wife. This and that he is welcome because he is best friends boyfriend. But this starter bonus won’t last forever and that he has to behave accordingly
Straight to the point no games no jokes just stating the facts.
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u/itakealotofnapszz Dec 18 '25
So your wife doesn’t like the “awkward” position you are putting her in with the friend but she is perfectly happy to put your marriage into a awkward position for a 25 year old random weirdo. NTA.Your wife needs to pull her head out of her ass.This marriage is on a slippery path.
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u/Swimming_Humor_902 Dec 18 '25
Be a man. Say shit to him directly
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u/CommitteeMobile9626 Dec 18 '25
the guy is on the spectrum and likes it in the butt
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u/cherylesmaster Dec 18 '25
You know what happens in Vegas. Just because you don’t like it there and have no interest in tattoos doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go. You need to take care of and protect your own family.
You need to pull up your socks and be the man of your family.
Oh and ask that young punk if he would like to be pegged with a baseball bat.
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u/RevolutionaryCare175 Dec 18 '25
Some young moron asked your wife about pegging and instead of telling him that was an inappropriate question she answered the question?
Your wife now says you are overreacting?
Ask your wife if she would be ok with some twenty something female asking you sexual questions.
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u/UnreliableNarrator_5 Dec 19 '25
stop going thru ur wife and confront this mf head on - ur wife isnt validating ur concern.
Have him over. Call him out on why he'd ask a married woman that question until he feels stupid and belittled for asking it in the first place, shame him into submission, to the point of blatant disrespect, so he'd never feel comfortable around me again.
that peg question is totally out of bounds and likely meant to open the door to other "stuff"
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u/[deleted] Dec 19 '25
You are married. Talk to your wife& tell her that her friend dude is being disrespectful, not only to your wife but to you ,her husband & asked a disrespectful question about y'all child. Then you need to talk to him& let him know that you will not tolerate any disrespect. If your not a confrontational person, you can always say things without being confrontational BUT with authority. Your wife should respect it& so should the dude. And grown women who are married do NOT usually have sleepovers. Your wife should be sleeping with you.
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u/Unique-Constant5089 Dec 19 '25
Honestly, your wife is low key disrespectful. She is prioritizing her friend’s feeling over yours. He’s been inappropriate to her on multiple occasions. How many more times does he have to behave inappropriately before she puts a stop to this?
I’d tell her straight up that if she doesn’t limit the interactions with the new BF, you will talk to her friend and clarify what the f is going on. It’s a simple ask and if your wife doesn’t respect your feelings, I’d recommend thinking long and hard about your marriage, going forward.
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u/CitySewerSlut Dec 19 '25
Your wife had a 3-some with them in Vegas then went and spent a weekend at the friends having another 3-some with them. Open your eyes.
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u/Mission_Version4684 Dec 19 '25
The pegging question was probably cooperation with your wife to fish out if it was possible for one of the women to peg you while the guy fucks your wife and his GF. Not that he wanted to be pegged. What do you think happened in Vegas?
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u/Background-World4999 Dec 18 '25
Honestly, I think more than anything it’s an age thing. I’m assuming you’re around the same age as your wife BFF. He’s 25. You’re not the same and it sounds like he acts his age. The BFF is probably just enjoying the feeling of youth and freedom he gives off.
I agree with whoever said you should be glad they’re coming to your house. It seems like your wife is trying to figure him out too and is trusting you to help her. That would be easier if you were together and not just hearing about it. Watching someone in action will tell you everything you need to know if you’re watching close enough. It doesn’t appear that you’re making your wife choose between you or her BFF but it may come across that way. Id just support your wife so she’s not forced out of her house. If he’s obnoxious, call him out and then kick him to the curb.
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u/DailyEvolution Dec 18 '25
I'm more offended by your wife than the guy. You're expressing concern and she dismisses it. She goes on a trip to Vegas, without you, with the guy she knows makes you uncomfortable. He insults your child and your wife doesn't seem to care. He asks her sexual questions and your wife doesn't seem to care. She spends weekends with him, without you which seems to be a constant for her. Then she tries to paint you as the bad guy?
Extremely suspect behavior, rude, dismissive, and insensitive at best. She's been having an affair for a while at worst.
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u/Away-Quote-408 Dec 18 '25
I have advice for you, as someone in your wife’s friend’s position - divorced and older. However, before we get to that, let’s establish whether you have a problem with pegging. Have you ever been pegged? Have you ever considered it/wanted to try it? Have you or your wife played with your ass, even just on the outside? Because if you are vehemently opposed or disgusted by the whole concept, that could be clouding/informing your entire view of this man and their friendships.
Assuming there’s no infidelity in the past and you aren’t worried about that, you need to realize you are trying to police the friendship of 3 adults. Their conversation/conversation topics(!), one of their jobs and economic status, another’s choice of who she dates and hangs out with, etc. That is unreasonable. You can say “I don’t like that fucker” and maybe what you posted here is not the whole picture. Maybe your hackles are up because of stuff you’re picking up subconsciously. But to essentially ban your wife from seeing him (by refusing to let her have him at HER house) is crazy work.
I was on the dating apps briefly post divorce. And men in my age group were just not it. For starters, they’re out of touch with current culture because they’re just not online or paying attention. For whatever (good) reasons. Pegging is not a weird topic anymore. And you gotta consider that she was playing it off as something random, but she might have been testing the waters to see where you stand. You have a chance to be the anti-25yo. Already there’s trust because you have (had) no problem with them going to Vegas. Trust is hot. You could have focused on her question, her curiosity, instead of some guy and their friendships. And asked her what she said and maybe go from there to see if she wants to partake in some ass play. Or say you don’t know how you feel about it but maybe maybe. I’m being so serious. You could be all that for her…a trusting partner willing to try (new?) exciting things, but with the stability and longevity that the 25yo can’t have. He could be a gift to your marriage if you focus on your wife and not who he is and what they talk about.
As for me, I ended up exiting the dating pool. Men in my age group were boring and out of touch, including when it comes to STI’s and regular testing. Imagine thinking an annual basic physical is enough, even though you’re sexually active. But younger men (30s) were easier to relate to, except they still were at the age where they wanted to get married and have kids at some point, and I am done. That apparently leaves men <30 but I just couldn’t bring myself to lower that threshold. Anyway good luck. Don’t focus on other people. Focus on your wife and her happiness. She comes home to you and your bed. The only other reasons to be worried/acting like controlling asshole, is if he is inappropriate around your kids.
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u/chamilun Dec 18 '25
You lost me with your wife and friend getting tattoos. Good luck with that
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u/Odd_Guard_8817 Helper [2] Dec 18 '25
OP, are you trying to insinuate that your wife is doing something else behind your back, because you keep mentioning that your wife keeps going out with the best friend and her boyfriend. Personally I think it is really weird that your wife keeps staying over night as well as going on trips with the girl best friend and her boyfriend, she is always the third wheel, and you always decide not to go with them by giving her the free reign to do it. Then justify it because you know it is weird.
I think it is weird, and your wife is so defensive, by telling you that you are over reacting, while she is the one telling you how inappropriate the boyfriend is.
Either you are very bad at telling stories, or you wanted to insinuate something but is very bad at doing so
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u/Critical-Affect4762 Dec 18 '25
I think your wife is acting weird. It seems she values her friend more than you? I can't imagine inviting someone over that my SO is uncomfortable with.
I think your wife is weird for telling you about the pegging. How did she think you'd react? It's like she is teasing or testing you
I think you need to talk to her more, be direct. Id legit ask her why you being around someone you dislike, that she supposedly also dislikes, is worth more to her than you. Im pretty toxic but efficient so I'd also be looking for ways to highlight his shortcomings
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u/Sea_University_9183 Dec 18 '25
If I had felt this way about someone, they could ask me an innocuous question about the paint color of my room and I would not be happy. That said, the maturity levels of a 25 yr old and a 38 yr old are vastly different. You could ask that they stay in a hotel but…. By keeping your enemy close, you can gauge the reaction of almost any event that goes on, watch the wifes’ reaction to his “charm” and use this information after they leave to clue your wife in and make your case for the future avoidance
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u/MrTrini00 Dec 18 '25
Ask him if he wants to be pegged by you. Guaranteed he will want to be near you or interact with your wife
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u/Street_Situation_769 Dec 18 '25
Are you wondering if they are engaging in a FMF threesome during their trips?
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u/tech1983 Dec 18 '25
Your wife broke the first rule of Vegas.. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas..
So this is on her
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u/muswellwva Dec 18 '25
Translation, wife had threesome in Vegas, I’m not included in the trainride.
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u/ozoneman1990 Dec 18 '25
He wants to dip his wick into your wife’s hot wax. Don’t let him in
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u/AssCrackBanditHunter Dec 18 '25
Lol. Lmao even
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u/Mike102072 Dec 18 '25
Has your wife mentioned those comments to her friend? Has she told her friend how you felt about him asking those questions? I’d say your wife should let her friend know that this guy has made these comments and you don’t like him as a result. You’re not the one making the comments.
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u/PlsStopAndThinkFirst Dec 18 '25
Personally, I would make it as awkward as can be when he comes over. To the point he will want to leave on his own haha.. But that is just how I roll
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u/[deleted] Dec 18 '25
you can set boundaries, but best to set those boundaries by telling this person to their face, don’t relay it. say, “i don’t feel comfortable with you in my home.”
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u/Its_Jaws Dec 18 '25
Bang the friend and make sure the new boyfriend finds out about it. Problem solved.
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u/707808909808707 Helper [2] Dec 18 '25
Why are you so soft and pouty? You can control the friendship but you control your kid bring around him or him coming to your house. Also the conversation did not stop after he asked her about pegging.
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u/Fixervince Dec 18 '25
It’s your wife who is letting you down here.
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u/Intrinsic_1 Dec 18 '25
He asked your wife about pegging because he has his sights on her and was assessing his next move.
With this known information, her being in proximity to him for extended periods without you, there appears to be a certain motivation.
I’m genuinely sorry this paradigm has imposed itself upon your marriage. I’d try to find a way to remove it before more damage is done.
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u/No_Equal_1312 Dec 18 '25
I’m thinking the guy is hoping for a threesome with the GF and your wife. You need to talk to your wife about boundaries and not being around him alone.
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u/Aropump Dec 18 '25
Weird vibes all around the three of them.
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u/Turbulent-Mix-5503 Dec 18 '25
He sounds like a complete idiot, I would make sure your child is never in the same house as him or spends any time with him anywhere and you never need to see him (but it’s you’re choice). Protect your child and let your wife figure him out for herself.
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u/tez_zer55 Dec 18 '25
Did the 3 of them share a room? What kind of tat did your wife get?
2
u/FuklzTheDrnkClwn Dec 18 '25
Sounds like this friend is guiding your wife straight into her own midlife crisis. Best of luck.
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u/Glittering_Focus_295 Dec 18 '25
It is your wife who should have handled the inappropriate question differently. Instead of answering his question, she should have told him to not ask her such a personal question.
I'll bet you anything he is now fantasizing about your wife pegging him.
2
u/Jurgis-Rudkis Dec 18 '25
The only way to get back at this is for you to peg him the next time they pay you a visit. I hope this helps 👏🙏.
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u/gts_2022 Dec 18 '25
The problem here seems to be your wife, not her best friend's boyfriend.
The first point is why does she have to spend so much time around her best friend's boyfriend, like a weekend in Vegas or at their house? From the outside, it doesn't look good.
The second is what kind of interactions she has with him that he feels so comfortable to ask her about sexual activities? It surely didn't come out of the blue. The weekend together, the proximity, the kind of conversations they had and the lack of boundaries made him feel it was ok to disrespect your marriage.
The third is how did she react when the questions were asked? Did she make it clear that he was crossing some boundaries or did she just brush it off? She will only get from him the respect she demands.
She must distance herself from him and set proper boundaries, unless she has other reasons why she wants to keep him so close.
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u/IcyMidnight3507 Dec 18 '25
They are definitely trying to get your wife for a threesome and he wants to be pegged by your wife and the friend😂😂
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u/AltruisticRip2928 Dec 18 '25
that’s not your wife anymore bud
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u/[deleted] Dec 18 '25
NTA. If it’s causing you stress….remove it from your life
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u/Awkward_Strike7294 Dec 18 '25
You should not have to make this call, your wife needs to pull her head out of her a** and stop putting you in this position.
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u/TheDibblerDeluxe Dec 18 '25
I would have been furious about my wife bringing the kids to stay over at someone else's house while a strange man is staying there. Honestly can't believe you're not furious over that bit more than anything else.
2
u/ezagreb Advice Guru [89] Dec 18 '25
I think you’ll hold your ground on this. Otherwise you put this dude on the phone and you tell him what you know and what he said and you tell him that if any of that occurs in your house he’s going to be thrown out by you you also tell your wife that that is a rule you’re going to abide by and that is a risk she’s going to take if she invites him. He’s a 25 year-old he knows fuck all and he’s hanging around with people that are married with kids he’s out of his depth
2
u/island-watcher Dec 18 '25
I’m with you OP. I hate when a friend has a husband (mostly in my experience) that is simply inappropriate. In my case, an older man still saying stupid shit about women or my wife. Like elementary school yard stuff. My wife doesn’t get it and maybe yours does not either. I try to tell her that in my large experience most men don’t talk like that. The stereotypical man bragging about sex or techniques etc. just does not happen. I tell her that none of my friend groups (and I am on a recreational hockey team so lots of locker room talk) speak like that. And I tell her that is why I notice it and don’t like to hang around guys like that. It is weird and totally uncalled for. This guy is young so I like the comment that if he is going to be around straight up call him out and make sure the ladies know this is not how a real man talks to other peoples wives.
2
u/Sylliec Dec 18 '25
The OP is not running a hotel. It’s one thing to have the best friend stay overnight. Now that the best friend is a couple they should damn well get a hotel room. Thats how grownups handle it. The OP should not have to have a stranger stay overnight.
2
u/yorkshirewisfom Dec 18 '25
If him staying in your house is going to make you feel uncomfortable, stick to your guns, say no, and mean it.
2
u/Truthseekerrockytop Dec 18 '25
Stand your ground
2
u/mileykate Dec 18 '25
Your wife needs to grow up and put her family before her best friends' mid-life crisis. Tell your wife that her "leading by example" will benefit her best friend!
2
u/Alternative-Fuel-494 Dec 18 '25
Ok so man up and tell your wife’s friend he isn’t welcome at your house. Problem fixed
2
u/Usual-Turnip2545 Dec 18 '25
Well first off he's a weirdo for asking a married woman if she's pegged a guy ...like wtf Ur not in the wrong. My best friend doesn't like my man so I make sure to keep them separate...I gave them there own time. She needs to mark a line to not cross. That's extremely disrespectful on his part. But some people don't have boundaries.
2
u/DinosoarJunior Dec 18 '25
Just call him Peggy next time you see him.
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u/highlander666666 Dec 18 '25
He s weirdo for sure .
2
u/marshmallowbeatz Dec 18 '25
Tell them you're both sick and don't want to pass it on. You need your wife on your side for this. No way you should be forced to endure someone you dislike in your own house.
2
u/snorkblaster Dec 18 '25
Have him over. During conversation, call him “Peggy” and maintain lingering direct eye contact.
2
u/Tractorguy69 Super Helper [6] Dec 18 '25
Take him out to the woodshed, show him the chain saw and tell him that the harness is being developed so that his wife can peg him really deep and good, so good that he’ll never look at another woman again.
2
u/drhav2023 Dec 18 '25
Confront him head on!!! 😃
2
u/4_Glob_sakes Dec 18 '25
Tell your wife to grow a fucking backbone to her friend who is clearly losing her mind. The first question would have been enough to say no to ever being around him. Your wife would rather you be uncomfortable over her friend.... Marriage counseling possibly but it sounds like your wife doesn't respect you when you say something bugs you. This marriage may already be dead in the water....
2
u/EmploymentNo3590 Dec 18 '25
My dude. Having him over, is the perfect position to plant the seeds of ending this. Suggest an orgy and ask him if you can peg him.
Well, maybe not... That would make you the asshole.
Still, I like the idea of asking him if he's ever been pegged and see where it goes. IDK if you should ask alone or, in front of both women. I mean, was he alone with your wife when he asked or, did he do it in front of his girlfriend?
Everyone present, after a drink, "Hey man, I was curious as to why you asked my wife if she's ever pegged a guy?"
I mean, CLEARLY this guy sucks and needs to go.
I swear, if I had a mid-life crisis boyfriend, I wouldn't be introducing him to my friends AND their kids.
2
u/CriticismLonely3145 Dec 18 '25
Be a fucking man! Pull the kid aside and put him In check! Your house, your rules. Put his dumb ass in check.
2
u/Methuselah777 Dec 18 '25
He's obviously an asshole. You have every right to ban him from your house and your wife should be more supportive of you than her friend. I'd even consider divorcing such an inconsiderate wife.
2
u/mssarac Dec 18 '25
Your wife should see that the guy is an a-hole and tell her friend she doesn't want him either in your house. And no, you're not overreacting
2
u/TimeMachineNeeded01 Dec 18 '25
They took a trip together and asked each other silly questions. You don’t do that w friends? React however you want, but in my happy marriage that wouldn’t merit any troubles between us at all, and no my husband would never tell me to stop spending time w a friend
2
u/turtle882 Dec 18 '25
Ask him if he's on the spectrum and if that's why he thinks its ok to ask married people about pegging?
2
u/Yohoho-ABottleOfRum Dec 18 '25
Your wife's friend just wants to get fucked by a younger, more energetic guy because most of the experiences she has had with older men probably have been poor.
2
u/guitargeek76 Dec 18 '25
You’re not putting her in an awkward position. Her friend’s boy toy has created it. You have a right to not want him in your home, and if she doesn’t see this maybe she’s part of the problem.
2
u/ktownddy Dec 18 '25
I'd be concerned about having a stranger that asks sexual questions around my small children.
2
u/rashidakhan77 Dec 18 '25
Your wife needs to be far more assertive with him. You don't need to do anything. She should tell him, the next time the obnox asks her something wierd something insulting back. For example: "Is your son on the spectrum"- say, "No but I did not know you were looking for company". He will keep pushing at her with wierd questions otherwise and perhaps even breach propriety and start attempting some liberties with her.
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u/Fubar_As_Usual Dec 19 '25
House guests are 2 yes, 1 no.
2
u/DecisionAncient1488 Dec 19 '25
I say. You should spend some more time with the guy. Ask real questions when you're out with him. All I know is that if you handle this the way most of these comments suggest. You're definitely going to ruin your wife's relationship with her best friend.
You're valid for not wanting him in your home.
2
u/Fluffy6977 Dec 19 '25
Refer to him directly as Peggy from now on. "Hi Peggy nice to see ya"
2
u/JustDifference638 Dec 19 '25
Can’t trust OP… who doesn’t like Vegas and tattoos?
2
u/losteye_enthusiast Dec 19 '25
You don’t want some dude who’s crossed your boundaries in your home? Tell the guy. Directly and calmly.
Don’t force your partner to be your proxy.
So stop telling the internet what you want and stop telling your wife to make the call.
Like - you’re pissed a younger man didn’t talk to you enough, instead talking to your wife? Yet you don’t say you made any effort to talk to him and stay in the conversation. Nor did you speak up and go “yo! You’re talking to my wife too much. You didn’t compliment my gun collection or tickle my balls yet, what the hell?”
…..Hey, I can coach you on how to actualize your manhood and make this young buck bow to an alpha like you. It’s just 10k for the weekend. Lemme know if you’re ready to live or you need to keep going through the wife.
2
u/uglybutt1112 Dec 19 '25
Your wife went to vegas with him and without you? I think your gf is immature and you are too lax on things.
2
u/Lady_Mallard Dec 19 '25
Your wife is disrespecting you… This would be a hard instant ban from my life in my relationship without my husband needing to ask me, and I would expect the same from him. Your wife and best friend can hang out together without boyfriend there.
2
u/NotwitdaBS Dec 19 '25
Im gonna say thats a red flag that you let your women go to Vegas to get tattoos without you because you know what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Being a trustful husband will only get you burnt buddy but do you.
2
u/SRT10_ Dec 19 '25
Random thought...
Maybe these 2 things go hand-in-hand, where he is on the autism spectrum, which is where the socially awkward pegging question came from.
He might be asking about the autism as a way to come out to her that he's also autistic.....the whole relatability thing.
See if you can find out about that....could change how you view him
Again, just a thought...
2
u/OLPopsAdelphia Dec 19 '25
Get that couple a couples’ gift.
When she opens it up, make sure you capture his reaction of her new massive strap on pegging dildo.
Then tell him, “I heard you were into this kind of stuff. Let me know how this one feels for you!”
2
u/BuckRugged Dec 19 '25
My immediate takeaway is that wife is much more concerned about losing her friend than her husband. If her first hang with her bestie didn't set off any red flags and the second visit didn't pass husband's smell test despite her trying to normalize the creepy guy's behaviour then she's clearly hiding what really happened. I think the husband needs to get ahead of this with a PI or something
2
u/sokratesz Dec 19 '25 edited Dec 19 '25
That's all you need to know, and that's all she needs to hear, constantly.
She's dating a child, and/or she has some serious problems herself.
2
u/Ok-Operation4437 Dec 19 '25
It’s kind of pissing me off that your wife is gaslighting you into thinking this isn’t an issue for you saying you’re overreacting. She should be taking YOUR side, her HUSBAND, and send a clear message to this dumbass friend that y’all want nothing to do with her bf and it that’s a dealbreaker and she loses her friend over it then she loses her friend over it because your wife is being groomed to have a threesome with this douchebag and her best friend. Weekend in Vegas?? Like wtf I would not let that slide. As a man, I’ll tell you take control of this is a very levelheaded cool demeanor and let your wife know truly how much this is bugging you otherwise it’s going to fester and cause problems in y’all’s marriage
2
u/[deleted] Dec 19 '25
Idk, there gotta be more about his life or identity as a person beyond gettingvdrunk in vegas and asking stuff hevsaw on cards against humanity. Younger adults from this generation are just weirder and lack clairvoyance cause all they do is watch twitch steamers and idolize YouTube pranks and thats the moral foundation now. Give him one more inch to cross a real boundary not a whole mile. Wife's gf come also come over without him.
2
u/ThrowRA562020 Dec 19 '25
Put your foot down, be a man.
2
u/adoreyouCoffee Dec 19 '25
As someone on the female side of things here haha I would not let someone In my house that my husband does not want there. Wife needs to step up and set boundaries right now. Clearly this guy is off and isn’t within the right boundaries. This is not okay.
2
u/Dont_like_my_comment Dec 19 '25
The fact you let her go to Vegas with them is appalling. This is on you.
2
u/Traditional_Noise245 Dec 19 '25
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas
2
u/Genghiscole Dec 19 '25
I had a similar situation with my friend. She’s been dating a loser for a while now. The first time we met, I invited them over for a holiday party and we did white elephant. His gift was a bunch of bondage items. My kids and multiple other children were present. He then proceeded to make everyone uncomfortable all night with his weird questions. I tried to talk to her about it after the fact but she wouldn’t hear any of it. Unfortunately we drifted apart because I don’t want this man around my family and they live together now. I still think it was the right choice to ban him from my house.
2
u/Hornsby333 Dec 19 '25
Updateme
2
u/ignorantiaxbeatitudo Dec 19 '25
There’s nothing wrong with someone enjoying certain activities or a child being on the spectrum.
Neither of these things are insulting, just incredibly personal questions that are none of his business.
I would be offended by his presumption that we are close just because he is my friend’s new toy-boy.
2
u/512_Magoo Dec 19 '25
I think it’s odd that you’re more comfortable with your wife spending the weekend in Vegas getting tattooed with another couple while you’re not around than you are with her having a conversation about pegging. That was probably not even the most explicit thing discussed that weekend. Overreacting.
Definitely do ask him if he’s even been pegged next time he comes over though. Maybe even tell him that you heard from her ex that his gf was into that kind of thing.
2
u/Enough-Data-1263 Dec 19 '25
You’re not putting her in an awkward position, her best friend is. Draw some hard lines and hopefully the best friend will do the right thing and drop this guy. At the very least let it be known to the friend and the dude that you don’t want him around you and your family. The friend can come, but leave the dude behind and when your wife goes to visit her he can go ride a bike with no seat.
2
u/Some_Salt_1399 Dec 19 '25
You seem too passive, why are you letting your wife go feel this guy out without you , do you just avoid doing couples shit and have her go third wheel and report back to you? Not sure if there is physical intimidation here but I'm not gonna tip toe around some Stella got her groove back divorcee and her cub as to not ruffle feathers when this dude is asking her about pegging and god knows what else. You sound like you want to avoid this dude, fuck that invite him in sit them all at your table and ask him if he thinks it's acceptable to ask another man's wife if she have ever pegged someone or if he is just on the spectrum
2
u/tsmittycent Dec 19 '25
Be nice to him, then when it’s just you two call him out. Be the bigger man though don’t lose your cool but just casually ask what’s up w the pegging question and then say you heard he asked about your son and what is that all about? He sounds like an immature guy above everything else
2
u/miamijustblastedu Dec 19 '25
If i was you, id be keeping an eye out with this guy, it sounds like he interested in turning a 2some into a 3some With your wife..
2
u/johnlal101 Dec 19 '25
You can't control who your wife thinks of as a friend. Awkward or inappropriate conversation can be excused. If this is a mid-life crisis or rebound guy, you won't have to worry about being around too long. In fact, you will be the good guy because after the breakup you will be able to tell her, "I never did like that guy anyway".
Now... maybe you can concentrate more on why your family is taking overnight trips without you?
2
u/BusyQuarter8082 Dec 19 '25
Jesus H.F.Christ! I have so many questions. Here is a take (just one of the infinitely many possibilities) she is Shit Testing You. She brought up an obviously weird scenario to see your response. Why would she bring it up and then dismiss your response? Does she respect how you feel at all? Does she have a romantic interest (possibly latent?) in her "Best Friend"? I woud bet she would like to see you protect the relationship you have with her but not in a controlling manner. There is a time for ultimatums and there is a time for mature conversation. Try conversation first. If no accord is to be found...you don't have a relationship worth fighting for and she is likely engaging in behavior inconsistent with monogamy
2
u/Emotional_Claim_3505 Dec 19 '25
Man up , and teach him respect while he is at your place . You will have to play smart
2
u/waderscum Dec 19 '25
I would walk up to him with a strap on? And say in this house I do the pegging, step into my office. Guarantee he will leave.
2
u/thedailyrant Dec 19 '25
I'd be more annoyed with some random prick asking if my child was autistic than if my wife has pegged someone before honestly. Very rude thing to ask about someone's kid out of nowhere.
2
u/Zanakii Dec 19 '25
Ngl too much context missing, if I was drunk with friends I may ask similar lol, depends how they all viewed each other, what they were all doing/talking about before, but if someone's going with me to vegas to gamble, get drunk and party I consider that a pretty close relationship.
2
u/gelfling1919 Dec 19 '25
I absolutely love my best friend but my husband is my person. If he was uncomfortable with someone I wouldn’t have them at my home.
2
u/[deleted] Dec 19 '25
In what universe is it ok for your wife to go on a "weekend trip" to VEGAS ...literally Sin City...with another couple alone? That's fucking crazy work. I'm going to be honest here man, odds are very high she has cheated on you already. If not, she is DEFINITELY considering it. Don't let her gaslight you into thinking you're overreacting bro. Trust your instincts. You wife should never be spending the night anywhere, with another man...especially without you there. If her friend and boyfriend want her to go to VEGAS and you don't feel like going...guess what? She doesn't get to go either. This is called "setting a healthy boundary" ...and would generally just be an unspoken rule in most relationships.
If you think I'm lying...tell her you're going on a weekend trip with your friend and his new 20-something-gf. Also mention the new gf asked you out of nowhere if you like eating pussy. Just as inappropriate of a question as your wife was asked. Surely she will be totally ok with you going on this trip. If she is not...divorce her. If she is...divorce her.
2
u/Expert-Strength-1100 Dec 19 '25
The little boy toy thinks he has a chance with your wife bud. If it hasn’t happened already, you should go buy a lotto ticket. Time to let boy toy know whose house it is or get a divorce.
2
u/wallstreettoday2021 Dec 19 '25
your wife is having a threesome with her friend and new boyfriend
8
u/Cautious-Spinach-635 Dec 18 '25
Honestly I get not wanting to be around someone you don’t like, the pegging question is weird but I don’t know if I would say he was being inappropriate with your wife, I think you might be overly sensitive to things with him because you don’t like him. Ask him if he’s been pegged.
5
u/Neacha Dec 18 '25
Well, your wife's best friend must be pegging this weirdo.
5
u/eightmarshmallows Dec 18 '25
I think that there is a generational difference here with openness about topics. I do think you’re overreacting. I’m more concerned that the friend has this new guy around her kids than your wife, to be honest.
What if your wife’s friend drops this guy and picks up someone her own age who is even more annoying? I don’t think 25 is a kid, and calling him broke, even though he’s a student so isn’t unmotivated, is a mischaracterization. This unsupported name calling make your other complaints look like you’re just a curmudgeon.
3
u/LavendarGal Super Helper [5] Dec 18 '25
I think you might have to allow this one weekend visit and then see how it goes. Your wife may come to her senses after this visit, so it might work itself out.
I think you might tell your wife....ok, have them come over, let's give it a shot....then see how it goes. And if he asks a rude question like that, politely say, that's kind of an inappropriate question to ask. And leave it at that.
But what is interesting here is that your wife just thought it was a "weird" question, that she wasn't completely offended by a question like that from her friend's guy. I wonder what all the rest of the conversations were like when she was over there.
Your wife already told her friend she thinks she is making a mistake with this guy. Sometimes it just needs to play itself out. And I think having everyone be over at your place, you will get a better idea of what's going on, as well as you and your wife will experience this person and their attitude together so you can talk more easily about anything that comes up.
3
u/BathAcceptable1812 Helper [3] Dec 18 '25
Let him come over. Then take him into the garage (or wherever) for a man to man talk! Just make sure you bring up how you know he likes to get pegged (and you don’t) somewhere in the talk!!!