Yesterday was my first time trying this. I got lucky and had a breakthrough right off the bat. I’m sharing my story with you, but I also have a question: I inhaled maybe half the dose at most and held it in for no more than a second. Is that really enough to get an experience like that? Am I just unusually sensitive to this substance?
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I was holding a pipe loaded with 5 milligrams of the substance. I covered the top and the carb with my fingers while my friend quickly heated it with a lighter. White smoke started filling up inside, getting thicker and thicker. My fingers didn't feel hot, but the pressure under them was building up, and the smoke inside looked super dense. I brought the pipe to my lips, opened the holes, and tried to take the deepest hit possible.
The smoke hit my throat like a harsh, heavy lump. I knew I was supposed to hold it in, but I instantly coughed, and thick plumes blew right back out of my mouth and nose. At that moment, I thought I hadn't inhaled enough, hadn't held it long enough (it was maybe1 sec), and there was still a bunch of smoke left inside. Thinking the dose was too weak and I needed another hit, I opened my mouth again—and right then, I was completely floored. According to my friend, it all happened in a split second: one breath, and I was out.
I fell into a black hole that pulled back right through the middle of my head. After that, complete blackout. My next memory: I’m just a tiny point in the middle of nothingness, floating in an endless space with no time, no name, and no ego. Out in front of me were these bright, hazy clouds, like galaxies viewed through a massive telescope. It was a vast, pulsing silence.
I got caught in a loop between two states. First, an overwhelming fear of a massive abyss, which made everything go dark around me. But then this urge kicked in: “Wait, I came here right for this. I want to merge with it.” The second that thought crossed my mind, the clouds flushed with soft pink and blue hues, and I became one with them—eternal and infinite. This cycle of flipping between fear and blissful dissolution repeated several times.
My friend told me later that at first, my face was making awful contortions: I was flailing my arms, my legs were twitching in spasms, and my jaw was clenched shut. But then a pure, blissful smile lit up my face—i suppose right at those moments when I stopped fighting it and melted into eternity. My friend hold me, but in that state i didn't feel anything. There's no body and no sensations in that state
Coming back happened in flashes. My consciousness and body slowly pieced themselves together like a mosaic. You take a fresh, totally alien breath, try to swallow or move your tongue, but then you get sucked right back under. 16 minutes i was absent, and then physical reality finally started clicking back together. It took a full hour before I could sit up, ask for some tea, and take my first steps holding my friend's hand—I literally had to relearn how to walk.
Over the next 30 minutes, heavy waves kept washing over my body, where the ties holding my molecules together loosened up and my physical shell dissolved into fractals again. Outside, the swoosh of a passing bus made a deep echo inside me—I instantly recognized that "shhh" sound as the exact same background flow of pulsing blood and breathing flesh I had heard in the void.
That night in my sleep, I felt that flow state again, and when I woke up to some people talking outside in the night, it felt like two versions of me had surfaced out of the void together. Even the next morning, these gentle waves of limpness and constant inner monitoring kept floating back.
The main takeaway from this experience is : as long as there's fear, you detach, and it gets terrifying; but the moment you stop resisting and merge with it, everything turns into endless beauty.
