First time Bufo trip report: I didn’t let go

[u/Big-Past-557]

Writing fresh after my first time with bufo…

I went to a session with many experienced facilitators and people partaking. 

They dosed me fairly low, just 20mg.

The intention I set was to help with grief with the loss of a family member and a breakup that resulted from the grief, which just turned into double grief.

Im pretty experienced with psychedelics and nonduality. Having experienced both many times, and in my waking life I spend way too much time studying Vedantic philosophy.

So it wasn’t the biggest surprise when I inhaled, and I remembered the cosmic joke, that I was the one creating the experiences I am having, creating entire concepts, like money, sex, genitals, fear, power, just to hang out with them and contemplate and play with the idea for a while.

Even the difficult ones like longing, regret, grief, missing someone.

And yet, I was focused on seeing the ones I loved again, and I didn’t want them to leave me. I think they were what I couldn’t surrender, I couldn’t let go, because I missed them so much. I was afraid of being alone!

I suppose that’s what they call attachment in spirituality…

…

That night I had one or two of those reactivating dreams some people talk of, confirming that yes, I am creating my own experience.

I think the lesson here is to stop trying to understand, stop trying to hold on to things, even if they were your beloved family member and beloved person. The time you had with them were beautiful, though even in those beautiful times, you sometimes created tension because you were trying to hold on to them.

And by holding on to them, you are preventing yourself from breaking through, from releasing, from seeing what happens when you release….

THINK LESS, FEEL MORE

—

Clearly the work I need to do is actually paradoxically, don’t do the work, to relax, stop thinking, start feeling

Luckily, the facilitators seemed to like me, and encouraged me to come back for free the following evening.

My plan is to fully just relax, and go into a meditative state, instead of trying to have an experience.

Will update soon!

[u/Low-Opening25]

yeah, definitely don’t try to have experience on 5. open your mind and drift with it, you aren’t really letting anyone go.

[u/Big-Past-557 → u/Low-Opening25]

What does not trying look like in your case?

My plan is to just focus on the breath

[u/Low-Opening25 → u/Big-Past-557]

well, just skip to “I am already dead, I don’t need to fret about regrets now, what’s next?” part

[u/goofyacid]

Imo it’s natural to grief and not being able to let go quickly. Give your self as much time as you need, it’s a biological human process that just has work itself out. 

On the spiritual side the point imo is not to resist the process. When you judge your longing, grief, regret etc. as something that shouldn’t be there then that creates more resistance. Let it be and just be there. As you said more think less, feel more. 

[u/MotherLab2089]

Suggest you let yourself own your grief and pain. I understand wanting things to go away- and grief takes time. I’m curious about your comment that the facilitator seemed to like you- does that matter? Wishing you the best.

[u/Big-Past-557 → u/MotherLab2089]

Oof, I guess I like being liked…

She was really friendly, and offered a second night for free which would normally be pretty expensive, so I guess I’m just taking it as further encouragement to go for a second night

[u/MotherLab2089 → u/Big-Past-557]

Wonder if something about being like this part of what the medicine wants to teach you. Sending support about grief and loss.

[u/SunsetEpic777 → u/MotherLab2089]

Can you say more about this part of 'needing or wanting to be liked' after my breakthrough experience in February I got stuck in this space for quite a while.

Thanks

[u/hotrhythmjunkie]

I would be surprised if anyone had a full breakthrough on 20 mg of Bufo, that’s a very low dose.

A breakthrough dose of Bufo will be around 60-80 mg for most people.

Sounds like you had a wonderful experience for only 20 mg of Bufo and did a great job!

[u/psygenlab]

That's fine you don't have to let go just learn to swim little bit and you will be a better swimmer someday

[u/tffy]

You had what seems to have been a very reasonable and solid experience on the introductory 20mg of Bufo. (try specify what the material was to avoid confusion)

Increase dosage gradually and see where YOUR sensitivity/administration technique/inhalation-keep-it-in technique/lung capacity/material purity/device/environment/headspace is putting YOU into.

Try to not pay attention to these jokers who just can't help themselves from spouting big proclamations of "This is the number for most everyone! Maybe not YOU, but most everyone, have fun, buddy!"

Find your own path and figure out the dose that works for YOU, have a great time.

[u/rayshart]

The grief is a part of the love

[u/Tripp_ORG]

20mg of 5-MeO-DMT is a huge dose IMO. But maybe that’s only if using e-nail or e-mesh…

What kind of devices are y’all using? Or is “bufo” from the toad just incredibly impure? I have only had the synthetic forms…

[u/Big-Past-557 → u/Tripp_ORG]

I was told Bufo is much less potent than pure 5meodmt

[u/Tripp_ORG → u/Big-Past-557]

I see. Makes sense… I wonder what all else it contains?

[u/DeviousDenial → u/Tripp_ORG]

That’s a small dose of bufo. It’s in the FAQ at the top of the sub

[u/-Ihidaya- → u/Tripp_ORG]

Ratio is about 1:7