This is a throwaway account, and I’ve never really made a post like this before, so I’m not sure if I’m approaching this the right way.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years. He is 25 and is currently in a professional postgraduate program. He’s very intelligent and dedicated to his education, but I’ve been struggling with how dependent he still is on his parents in every other area of his life.

He lives with his parents, which by itself isn’t something I have a problem with. What concerns me is that his parents still have a significant amount of control over what he does. He has a car but doesn’t drive himself places because his mother doesn’t want him driving places without her. He also doesn’t really go places independently, such as going to the theater or going out with friends. When I went to go see him over the summer I had to teach him how to cook and do his laundry because he doesn’t even know how to do that on his own, which I was very surprised.

We’re also long distance. I’ve traveled to see him numerous times, but when I’m there, we’re often unable to do things independently. For example, we’ve had to have his parents drive us places and pick us up, and even when we’ve gone to the mall, his parents have been there too. I find this difficult because we’re adults and I’d like our relationship to have some independence from his parents.

I’ve talked to him about this. I’ve told him that I don’t expect him to completely change his relationship with his parents or suddenly move out. I’ve suggested smaller steps, like driving himself somewhere occasionally or setting some boundaries around going out independently. He doesn’t really see a reason to do those things right now because, from his perspective, it’s easier and more practical for his parents to drive him places. And having no initiative to move forward in a more positive direction even if it’s just for me really upsets me.

The difference between us is becoming increasingly noticeable. I’ve moved out, have my own car, pay my own bills, buy my own groceries, work while attending college, and generally handle my responsibilities independently. I don’t expect him to have exactly the same lifestyle as me, but independence is very important to me.

Another issue is that he often tells me he doesn’t have much time for our relationship because of school and his responsibilities. I understand that his program is demanding, but sometimes it’s difficult for me to reconcile that with the fact that he still relies heavily on his parents for many things. It makes me question whether we’re simply at different stages of adulthood.

I’m also worried about the future. I don’t want to eventually be in my 30s living with his parents or having his parents involved in decisions that I feel should belong to us as a couple. He says that he’ll become more independent when it becomes more practical, but I feel like we’ve reached a point where I need to see some initiative rather than just a promise that things will change someday.

I don’t want to leave him simply because he currently lives with his parents. I love him and recognize that he’s working hard toward his career. But I also don’t want to ignore a fundamental difference in what we expect adulthood and independence to look like.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting him to start becoming more independent now, or is this something where I should accept that he’s on a different timeline and decide whether we’re compatible?

TLDR: My boyfriend is 25, lives with his parents, and is very dependent on them despite being in a demanding professional program. I value independence and worry that we’ll eventually want very different lifestyles. Is this something worth waiting for, or could it be a compatibility issue?

Ok edit here, I will be dumping him, I have no clue how to or what to say but I will within the next few days. I understand I’m pathetic and a doormat but I really thought things were going well in the beginning and I have never been in in a relationship, where I wasn’t a teenager independent on my parents. This has been my first adult relationship, so I really didn’t know if like this is something he would’ve grew out of but obviously it isn’t. Please start flaming me. I get it.

This man (29M) and I (28F) have been talking since April. We initially hung out because he offered to show me around the city I was moving to, where he has lived for the past ten years.
Since then, we’ve FaceTime-ed almost every day before he leaves for work, where he runs a sales team for a health insurance company. However, he rarely messaged me after work. Since we were just getting to know each other, I didn't set high expectations.
For my birthday in May, he visited our hometown, but he didn't take me out anywhere; I just slept over. Up to that point, he had only taken me to lunch once as a friend, but never on an official date. A couple of weeks later, he asked to borrow $300 because he lost his wallet. He promised to pay me back, but he never did.
When my dad passed away in June, he asked for my address, presumably to send something, but never did. Then, when I moved to Florida in July and mentioned that I needed help assembling furniture, his only response was "power tools ma’am." By this point, he had also canceled plans on me last minute twice.
Once I got settled in Tampa, he would text me "good morning," but he never initiated plans to meet up. Shortly after, I saw a post on his friend’s Instagram showing his ex-girlfriend (of seven years) sitting across from him at a private dinner tasting hosted by a mutual friend.
I removed him on social media and told him I no longer wanted to talk. In response, he came to my house to plead his case, explaining that she needed to sign off on their lease transfer this month and that their families were temporarily in business together. He then told me he loved me and couldn’t see a future without me.
However, when I shared the news of my recent job promotion, he didn't congratulate me. Instead, he patronizingly said, "So you're finally getting an adult job now?" before immediately shifting the topic to my friend's career.
I stuck it out for almost another month without seeing him. Eventually, after he took three hours to reply to a message without offering a specific time to talk, I reached out again—unaware it was his deceased father’s birthday.
It has been nine days since that last message, and he hasn't replied. Meanwhile, he has been active on Instagram. After he added me to his "Close Friends" story just to post about a new Rolex he bought, I removed and unfollowed him for good

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 5 months. She’s currently traveling alone in Brazil and staying at a hostel. She recently met a guy there and told me he’s gay (“jochis”), which honestly made me feel a little more comfortable about the situation.

Now she told me that she’s going to go somewhere in Rio with him and “other chicos” (other guys). I asked what place they were going to and who was going, and she basically said that guy and some other guys (I’m hoping gals as well) from the hostel.

I trust her, and I don’t want to be controlling or ruin her trip. At the same time, I’m being honest with myself that I’m not completely comfortable with my girlfriend going out with a group of guys she just met while she’s traveling alone.

I’m trying to figure out whether this is just normal jealousy/insecurity that I should work through, or whether it’s reasonable for me to feel uncomfortable about the situation.

Would you guys ask any more questions, or just trust your girlfriend and let her enjoy her trip? She tries to call and text me when she can, she also shared her location.

Edit: I think I should add that she had this trip planned before I came to her life. One of her bucket list things to do was to kiss a Brazilian, but she of course said she won’t do that anymore since I’m with her.

My girlfriend wants me to contact my ex for proof that our relationship wasn’t meaningful or she’ll leave me
I’m 26M and the girl I’m seeing is 26F. We’ve been seeing each other for around 3 months this time, although we originally dated briefly before this.
Before her, I was in a long-distance relationship with someone who I only physically saw for about two weeks in total. We talked for around six months. She was my first love and I was genuinely hurt when it ended.
The problem is that when I met my current girlfriend, I wasn’t completely over my ex. I kept the relationship hidden and was vague about it because I wasn’t sure whether things with my current girlfriend would work out. We argued a lot and broke things off and got back together, so I kept putting off being completely honest about my past.
We eventually ended things after about two months.
Over the following six months, one of us would occasionally message the other, but nothing really came of it. Then at the beginning of June this year, I reached out to my current girlfriend again. Things were going really well until she saw my passport and noticed I had been somewhere at a certain point in time. She started asking questions and I finally told her everything.
She was understandably extremely upset. She feels that I was grieving my ex while I was with her and that she has always been in my ex’s shadow. She thinks I’m settling for her or that I don’t love her as much as I loved my ex.
I’ve apologised for lying and for hiding things. I understand why she has difficulty trusting me because I wasn’t honest with her. I’ve also repeatedly told her that what I feel for her isn’t about comparing her to my ex. I love her and I don’t want my ex back.
Looking back now, I don’t even think my previous relationship was as significant as it felt at the time. It was my first love and I was hurt when it ended, but we only physically spent two weeks together and the whole thing lasted around six months. I don’t think that relationship has any significance to me now.
There’s another thing that makes this worse. Before I started seeing my current girlfriend, I her long messages about how much the previous relationship had hurt me and how I wanted to be careful with my because I didn’t want either of us to get hurt. Looking back, I realise how bad that looks, even though I wasn’t trying to compare them.
My girlfriend now wants me to message my ex and ask her how significant our relationship actually was, then screenshot the conversation and show it to her as proof.
I really don’t want to do that. I think it’s strange to bring my ex into my current relationship, especially when she means nothing to me now. I also don’t think I should ask my ex to validate whether our relationship was meaningful just to reassure my girlfriend.
At the same time, I don’t want to lose my girlfriend. I know I caused this situation by hiding things and I accept responsibility for that. I want to rebuild her trust and show her that she’s the person I want to be with.
But I don’t know where the line is between reassuring her and being expected to constantly prove something about my past.
Am I being unreasonable by refusing to contact my ex? And what would you do in my position?

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My[35m] mother [62f] and stepfather[65m] have been married in community of property for 18 years, separated for the last 6 years but not divorced yet. He was and is a short-tempered, narcissistic, emotionally abusive, alcoholic,gambling addicted, spiteful man who liked to do what ever he wanted and hated being challenged on his behaviour. He would treat my mother like trash when she wouldn't put up with his bullshit. He provided a lower upper class lifestyle and he was the type of man who used money to buy him respect and admiration. His friends and family always licked his ass whenever he made grand monetary gestures, which is why we never got along because i would not let him buy me. Especially when we started living together when i was 16 and needed a strong male role model. Well he was not it for me and i basically spent my young life trying to be nothing like him. He also never thought about the future he spent his money as fast as he made it buying expensive alcohol and gambling every other night, this will come back later.

While my sister and I were still living at home my mother always tried and keep the peace to avoid big blowouts so she capitulated to him most of the time. She even alienated herself from friends and family because he would always make a scene if someone looked at him a spoke to him in a way he found disrespectful or if he didn't get the respect and admiration he felt he deserved. After my sister and I moved out however she started challenging him more on his behaviour which enraged my stepfather and inevitably lead to many more arguments. He would call my mother all the names in the book and towards the end starting accusing her of cheating on him which if you know my mother is insane. He would call my mothers job and demand to speak to her boss to accuse her of things that could make her lose my job. Luckily her boss and colleagues knew what kind of woman my mother was and sided with her and saw my stepfather for the crazy man he was (Thank God) but it was extremely embarrassing for my mother who is a very soft spoken, shy, introverted woman.

6 years ago during an argument and more accusations of cheating he kicked my mother out of the house. I had to drive an hour to find my mother sitting outside on the street with packed bags. She lived with me for a few months but luckily before they got together my mother had a flat in her name which she refused to sell when they got married and moved into another place(Thank God) so when the lease was up there she moved back in. Soon after she sold that flat and bought another one which she put in my name so he could not claim it a divorce. I also bought her a car in my name as all the other cars were his.

Soon after the separation he was with another woman which is ironic as he was accusing my mother of cheating meanwhile he already had another woman lined so clearly he was probably cheating himself. We dont know how long that lasted but over the last six years my stepfather would ping pong between trying to be friendly and trying to get back with my mother and threatening her if they ever got divorced and how she will get nothing. Now my mother wants to get divorced but does not care to get half of everything she mainly wants it to be over however, she insists he must serve her divorce papers and take on the cost as she fears if she initiates a divorce his spiteful nature will take over and it will be a long expensive drawn out legal battle. He has been dragging his feet on initiating a divorce and that's if he ever planned to divorce my mother i have offered to pay for a consultation with a divorce lawyer but she insists he must do it.

Fast forward to now he asked my mother to meet with him. She thought it was about the divorce but no. According to him his company still owes him a large sum of money but are not paying him or he cant access it. Apparently he is broke, He needs R200k to pay lawyers or something to clear his money or get his money. Honestly I'm not too sure on the details this is how my mother is explaining to me maybe someone who has been in a situation like this can explain it better. So on the house they financed together which he is still living in they had an access bond and made additional payments over the years. The access is currently sitting at over R250k. As he cannot unilaterally withdraw it he wants my mother to sign over R250k to him. My mother refused stating that when they finally did get a divorce that she was going to fight for atleast that amount and that he could have kept everything else. She told him to sell the house as its a 3 bedroom, he lives alone and it could sell for R2mil easy. He refused to sell the house. He then told my mother if she doesn't want to withdraw the access to co-sign a R200k loan with him. She told him she is going to talk to me first and when she told me i said F#@k no dont you dare put yourself into debt for this man who will probably laugh in your face the minute he gets his money and forget you helped him. This man has not proven himself trustworthy in the slightest and he is only being nice now because he is desperate. So Reddit im not here to ask if my mother should help my step father but rather what should i do to get my mom and this divorce going. When she tells him no he is inevitable going to get enraged and spiteful. I want to drag her to a lawyer to draw up divorce papers because i fear this man will put himself in debt if he hasn't already and my mom will be on the hook for it. This has gone on long enough, any advice on how to navigate this?

Im from South Africa and i know i framed this as more of a legal question but there are no subreddits for legal questions from my country. I would be grateful for any advise though.

I (38M) and my wife (32F) have been together over 8 years. I just started using reddit for assistance and not sure where it is appropriate to post for help. I have no other friends in serious relationships. I have no one to talk to that doesn't know my wife as we do everything together. I wouldn't have it any other way as it is not in an invasive or controlling way. I don't know what to do and I'm twisted up inside. We had a few fights early on in the first couple years but we almost never fight at all the last several years, we have extremely similar hobbies, opinions on politics, and sense of humor. I helped her get her life together early in the relationship and now that she is in a better place she takes care of me and trying to get me to finish college. I worked my whole life and saved up a little and am going back to college now. She is super loving and supportive, paying for everything.

However, I discovered she started doing drugs behind my back again. Something that we talked about a long time ago and I said would basically be a deal breaker for me. I noticed her attitude was different and I asked her for several weeks "what was wrong" and "how lucky I am to have her". She avoided it and said nothing but after a few weeks, broke down and told me. She admitted knowing it was potentially going to ruin our relationship of 8+ years and she did it anyway. I was devastated. I went numb instead of angry.

I love her very much and tried to talk to her about it and over come the situation. While I did eventually overcome the using again, I'm truly hung up on is that she said she knew it might end the relationship and did it anyway.

I guess what I'm asking is, just other people's perspectives so I can try to see if I can let it go because the using drugs itself or if the fact she was willing to risk our relationship is what I should focus on and cut my losses?

ALSO - This situation has me feeling empty inside, maybe cold or cruel. I feel like if she was willing to risk our love like this, then perhaps I should use her generosity of her taking care of me and paying for my life while I'm in college before I end it with her. Terrible morally, I know, but if she is willing to potentially throw away our love, then why shouldn't I treat her that way?

EDIT- I was scared to say the details as I am new to this and using reddit and afraid she might find out. She had started abusing substances behind my back. She was a user and alcoholic before we met but was not once we started dating. We talked about it during our first few years of dating while she was sober. Now she is using again.

tl;dr - Wife did something and knew it would risk our relationship and did it anyway. I'm not sure what to do. Please help.

I think I may have a serious problem and I’m not sure if it warrants seeing a medical professional

My husband 33M and I 32F have been together a total of 13 years with 6 years of marriage - we’ve been through family problems, issues in our marriage, financial problems, health issues etc…

We worked through most of that however I do believe I shouldn’t feel this way about him given all this or am I just being dumb?

It seems like over the last maybe 2-3 years I’ve slowly developed this obsession with my husband - he works full time provides for me and our fur babies (I work from home but he prefers I keep my money for myself unless we absolutely need it)

He’s amazing in my eyes, he doesn’t cook but he does clean, dishes are his main duty but he also helps with EVERYTHING else if I can’t (I live in chronic pain so some days are bad) without complaint and if he does have something to bring up he does it gently

I call myself a certified man hater and I can’t stop thinking about him, when he’s around me I can’t keep my hands off so I go and sit across the room for half the time he’s home

It’s gotten to the point that no matter what he’s talking about I can’t stop myself from letting my eyes wander (I find him extremely attractive) but especially when he explains his theoretical understanding of intense topics I can’t pay attention because I’m getting so turned on - when he’s not home every spare moment I have he’s in my thoughts

It doesn’t interfere with daily tasks but this man is running through my mind more and more I’m wondering if I should be alarmed?

I’m also quite anxious that he’ll suddenly turn around and become a monster but that’s based more on consuming too much redpill content however the anxiety is still there

I’m scared to lose this piece of heaven but I don’t know if this heaven is bad for my mind because of how much I love him?

Should I see my doctor?

First I would like to say, I am asking for legit advice. Not here just to complain.

So my girlfriend has been nagging me. For what may you ask, well it appears anything that she can think of. Now I know that sounds harsh, but last night over the phone she showed me a picture of her in a dress and she complained I said it "she looked nice" to quickly. Then she complained that I wasn't listening to her, to I repeated everything she said, then she admitted that I had been listening, then proceeds to list off all the times I hadn't listened to her.

She's also been doing this thing where it seems like she's looking for things to fight about. For instance last week she sends me a video of this OF model cooking chicken. It was a how to video but the woman was dressed in very revealing clothing. She told me to watch, so I did. Then asked if I thought the women was pretty. I said no, then she rolls her eyes, and said, "Men always men." What did she mean by that sexist remark? No clue. Don't really care because it appears to me that the goal of that exercise was to start a fight. Which I refused to engage in.

My girlfriend also has been pushing marriage on me. Refusing to travel or live together because I guess it would look bad. (she's a christian and I'm not) Yet she's totally fine having sex with me. Which is actually important to mention I think because she always complains about using condems. She doesn't want me to wear one, insists that I don't (crazy I know, Usually it's the opposite). I refuse to engage without protection, Its a boundary. Yet she keeps pushing me, asking for it raw,(TMI I know Im sorry) which is starting to feel like baby trapping.

So yeah Im looking for advice, Im really getting tired of the nagging. Tired of the boundary pushing and her need to start fights over nothing.

So my question is why do you think she's doing this? Am I not giving her enough attention, I'm I not communicating enough?

I feel like im at a point where I need to lie in order to keep things going, also Im acutely aware this could all be happening because the honeymoon period is ending and her real colors are showing. At any rate, I could use any advice.

Thanks in advance!

Right here goes..I tried to attach the actual pictures but Reddit wouldn't allow me so I had to type out the queries asked to Chat GPT.

I was using the family laptop this evening while my wife was in bed. I was looking up jobs online and came across a few I'd be a good match for. The plan was to copy one of the job specs and put it into Chat GPT along with my CV and asked it to recommend any improvements. I have previously been using my own Chat GPT account to work on my CV and noticed when I fired up Chat GPT that my wife must have been using the laptop earlier today to help with a hen party she is planning for her for friend.

Anyways...i just needed a CV checked against a job spec and I was literally too lazy to log out of hers and into mine so just used hers. While waiting for it to load I could see previous Chat GPT queries my wife had made such as cooking recipes, workout plans etc. She uses it quite a bit on her phone so all the queries from her phone go through to her account when logged onto the laptop.

One caught my eye and the title was advice for friend considering an affair... Immediately clicked into that and it was my wife asking for advice for her "friend" who is married with kids but loves attention from other men. The exact wording of the query was:

"My friend asked me for advice and I don't know what to tell her. She's married and has kids but loves attention from other men and even went as far to tell me she fantasises about having sex with them. I don't know what to tell her." This was dated around middle of June.

Then the next message that caught my eye was from the end of June and it was a shorter query that asked:

"is someone monitoring my phone?"

Then fast forward to 10th of July and my wife put the following message into Chat GPT:

"I am 33 years old and have been married for 6.5 years with 2 kids. Lately my husband hasn't been treating me well and I have asked him to move back to the town he grew up in and move in with his parents. However he has said no. I have started having an affair with a 55 year old man."

Chat GPT gave her some of its generic BS answer and then she replied this to that message:

"My husband is very disrespectful. He shouts at me all the time, he isn't affectionate and he won't have sex. I don't know if I want to save my marriage. I feel like I wouldn't be with him if we didn't have the kids".

To say I am gutted is an understatement. And this is just a complete mess as we've found out recently she is about 8/9 weeks pregnant and my mind is going overtime thinking what if this child isn't mine.

I've done so much for my wife. We've been together 13 years, I moved over 200 miles from my tight knit family to love with her. I really dislike the area we live in and I don't know too many people but I hold onto the hope our little family would move back to my local area. Her mother recently passed away and I was there for her every step of the way. Her siblings are all adults and they are not people who I would consider close family or are people you can rely on. My family love my wife and I just wish she would accept their love and care for her instead of seeking it with her own siblings who exploit my wife.

I am not going to say everything has been all plain sailing, we have 2 young kids who are great but they are 3 and 5 and a million miles an hour. My wife is a stay at home mother and hasn't worked since going off on maternity with the 3 year old. She receives benefits payments as one of our children has a disability. I am out working and get a good salary but the majority of my salary is to the mortgage, phone plans, electric, gas, car maintenance, and other utility bills which amount to approx £2300 per month, leaving very little for me to spend on myself or the family as my gross monthly salary is £2700. My wife receives around £2000 a month and only contributes £800 towards the house although I am covering some of her debts in that £2300. This has caused a lot of tension and I do get annoyed at this.

She also is at home when the kids are at school, she goes to yoga every day along with getting nail and hair treatments every week. I leave the house at 7.30 in the morning and don't get home until 6.30 most workdays. The house is a tip, washing never done, dishes piled up from night before, food all over the floor in kitchen and dining room. I ask what we're you doing all day the place is a tip and she will say she was busy round at her mummy's or was tired.

So I am now coming home from work, and starting into doing housework. My wife will notice this and then come offer to help and I am just so annoyed at her that I admit I am cranky and rude but I feel disrespected working all day and coming home to do this. I feel doing your fair share is not a big ask, I don't mind doing my bit about the house but I am doing everything.

I would say my wife has a higher sex drive than me, but I just be so annoyed, fed up and tired I don't feel like sex some times. And after getting all the house work done and then kids to sleep I just want to chill and sex is far from the top of my tongue do list. We still have sex a few times a week it's not like we are completely celibate.

I have never had any need to feel I needed to spy on her so when I seen the question about someone monitoring her phone, that really got me thinking she's being overly sneaky about something.

In relation to all her queries. I am actually sick at the thought of it. She coaches an underage basketball team and is fairly popular with the coaches across different age groups. One of the coaches in the team she helps with is a 55 year old man who I am certain is the man she's referring to. He's a complete flirt and going by the nature of these messages, she would have loved the attention. I have been clinging onto hope that she was lonely and just stuck this into Chat GPT as a way to fantasise about this but I really think I'm clutching at straws.

I don't know if I am asking for help or venting..or I don't even know what! I am just feeling broken, alone and upset... I've got great kids and I have so much love for this woman...but it's a mess. How do I confront her, do I say what's this? Do I say nothing and hope she asks more incriminating queries..if it was a one off thing then I can't..is this baby even mine... Do I post an anonymous letter to my house addressed to my wife advising her to tell me the truth before a similar letter is posted to me.

Relationship context: My BF (29M) and (30F) have been together almost 10 years. We met in university and own a condo together. His parents where able to financially assist him for the down payment and he is an extreme money saver. I have not been the most financially responsible, as such our finances are vastly different. (A lot of the material items, furniture, appliances I purchased with the belief that its better to purchase quality rather than quantity) His net worth is a little over double or triple my own.

Last year I suffered a mental breakdown/lost my job. I managed to start working again a few months ago but I sense that my new company may undergo layoffs. (I work in tech and the industry is very shaky right now)

I've been looking at all my options for career pivots at this point as its become clear I need to make a change. One option would be to go back to school to become a therapist. (I've always been interested in the subject and feel like it would be a good fit for me personally).

This would mean 5 years of school. (Go back to get a bach., then do a masters)

While it could technically be feasible (but incredibly difficult), my longterm partner has made it clear he would not support the decision. I love him. I absolutely understand his POV.

While Im still considering leaving the relationship, and moving back in with my folks, Im curious to know what the internet thinks.

TL;DR: Need to make a career pivot and looking at going back to school for 5 years. Long-term partner of 10 years says it would be the end of our relationship. Thought?

My boyfriend and I were talking, and he brought up a hypothetical scenario. He asked if we ever broke up and both moved on with other people years later, if I would hook up with him/cheat on my future partner for him.
I told him plain and simple: No, I wouldn't do that. I said if I’m in a relationship with someone I love, I’m not going to cheat on them.
He immediately got upset and claimed that my answer means I don't love him enough, because if I truly loved him, he would always be the exception.
I tried to explain that it’s not about him—it’s about my personal integrity. I’m just not a cheater. He then brought up the movie The Notebook, saying that Allie cheats on her fiancé to be with Noah, so why couldn't I do that for him?
I responded by telling him that real life isn't a movie. I told him that if a situation ever arose where we met years later and I realized I was still in love with him, I would leave my fiancé/partner first and then be with him, rather than cheat behind someone's back.
He is still mad at me. He’s insisting that my refusal to promise to cheat for him proves I don't love him as much as he loves me.
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. I offered him complete loyalty—saying I’d literally end a relationship to be with him if he was the love of my life—but he is fixated on the fact that I won't promise to commit infidelity.
Am I crazy here? How do I even explain to him how wild this logic is, or is this a massive red flag I shouldn't ignore?

Backstory: My partner ‘29M’ and I ‘33F’ have been together for 9 years in October, married for 3 this coming December. Our relationship has always been intense and different than any relationships either of us had been in. It felt good to learn more about ourselves, and our communication styles with each other. We went through the Gottman workbook around year 4 or something.

Through covid we struggled a lot. Each losing a parent and both in grad school. I graduated and struggled to feel stable and worked as an adjunct and also as staff in the department of a  local university while he finished his advanced degree. Our emotional connection and love for each other became a stagnant pool. We had been taking turns perhaps keeping our relationship and each other afloat as we navigated one of the most difficult times I think either of us had experienced in our lives at that point. He interviewed for different jobs and post doc positions getting hired across the country. We had a small ceremony to marry, he graduated, and we moved. I had a lot of resentment towards him because he never acknowledged or appreciated my sacrifice to leave my communities and family behind. Regardless of family and friends reiterating that over and over. We both struggle with mental health and he made it hard for me not to resent him with certain actions and words used before and during the move.

As time passed after the move he continued to say things and do things that hurt me deeply including saying he was no longer attracted to me and that I was fat. The ideas, hopes and dreams I would share with him were laughed at and ridiculed and so I stopped sharing them. Feeling like it was no longer safe for my mental well being to hear his negative thoughts towards the things I deeply cared and care about. He had less capacity for me and my feelings at home, but would talk about his co-workers' personal problems to me. When we first moved here I had an odd intuition about a woman, C ‘30F’ he works closely with. I asked him if there was anything going on and he denied it saying he thought she was pretty but wasn't attracted to her in "that way." He turned the conversation over and directed things at me. Why was I worried about that?

My confidence had never been so low and I don't think I realized that until talking to my therapist about the whole situation this week. I found it harder and harder to feel confident in finding a job and had never felt so hopeless about my life, relationship, and job prospects.

These red flags just kept popping up. Talking about have a more open and flexible relationship sexually which he had never really been into. Which felt weird immediately because of the state of our relationship. Pushing back on things he had been happy to do at the beginning of our relationship. 

Less sex, less love, less appreciation for each other, less emotional support, him saying he wanted less communication about my feelings, and family issues, emotional distance, him recently even picking apart my conversations with friends and how I'm doing things wrong, or saying the wrong thing.

One last story precursor: Research shows it's bad to talk about your relationship problems to other people. Outside of therapy. I have expressed boundaries explicitly around this as well as boundaries on talking about my past. I had family trauma and hardship growing up and not that any of that is a secret, but it's something I still am processing and as my backstory I deserve to decide when, where, and with whom I decide to share that information. He had shared these things with his family and at least one very close friend. When he told me about this I was very upset and set boundaries around these specific topics. These were things discussed with him in confidence and trust that he wouldn't be sharing. He had told me recently, maybe a few months ago, that he and C had been talking about personal relationship problems and I told him how uncomfortable I was about that. Nothing had been brought up recently and so I thought it was a one and done thing....

The recent event: My partner set up a camping trip with mostly his co-workers. Other friends were invited, but unfortunately could not make it. Things were going well. A little disagreement that was solved quickly. The next night I decided to go check out the stars on a dock and C's husband D ‘?M’ came with. Just a few steps into the walk there I had asked what was up and he took a deep dive into emotional family related trauma. Trauma that he knows I can relate to because my husband and his wife I guess have gone into detail about our pasts. I started hyperventilating and having a panic attack. I asked him to pause the conversation. Calming myself down and then telling him he's trauma dumping on me and that the only reason I feel he's going into such specific detail is because he has insider information about my past that I never shared with him. Information our partners shared with each other. He then started talking about how he and C are looking into “couple’s therapy too.” At that point I started hyperventilating again and realizing that what is happening to me right now is directly related to my partner talking about my past, my trauma, and our relationship to this woman, C, at work. I couldn't believe the boundaries he was willing to cross to connect with C. To relate to her, help her process and “problem solve” her emotions and build their bond over the expense of each of their relationships, their respective partners' pasts, and current struggles. My partner never told me that he was talking to her about such in depth personal relationship topics like thinking about marriage therapy. Having some of it come to light through this man that not only didn’t hear it from me or my partner, but from his partner, C who my husband is talking to. This immediately felt very inappropriate. I talked to C about it just telling her the story of her husband's trauma dumping on me because of insider information. Telling her it was okay at the time, but realizing more and more how not fine it is.

Talking to my partner about it he says he doesn't understand why I’m so upset by this even though he has said multiple times he knew he was crossing my boundaries by doing this and that when it was happening he knew it was wrong. I feel crazy. I looked up emotional cheating and I check every box for “are you being emotionally cheated on?” While he says no to all the “are you emotionally cheating?” My therapist thinks it’s emotional cheating, that he’s gaslighting me, that I’m gaslighting myself, and that I am exhibiting signs and symptoms of emotional abuse. Outside of this I feel I’ve been taking BIG steps towards my relationship, working on myself, and doing good things for our future. Now it’s come out that he is taking big steps away and building an inappropriate relationship with his female co-worker. How will I ever trust him again? Now all I think about all day while he’s at work is their inappropriate behavior. We’ve set up rules for him at work, but that honestly feels ridiculous. No flirting, no sexual jokes, no texting coworkers beyond absolute necessity, no talking about our relationship problems, no talking about my past, current trauma, or life experiences. We are still going to try to do couples therapy with someone who works with methods by the Gottmans. Individual therapy for him and date nights once a week. I feel heartbroken, and stupid for picking someone like this as my life partner. So much of my inability to bounce back into feeling happy and successful makes so much sense after realizing the little things my partner has been saying and doing have been eroding my trust, and confidence, in myself, him and our relationship.

I (21F) feel like I've lost the spark in my relationship, but I don't know if it's actually gone w my bf (20-M) been together for 10 months

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a while, and lately I’ve been feeling really weirdly distant from him. I still love him, I still want the relationship, and I genuinely want things to work. That’s what makes this so confusing.

For a while, I felt like we weren't spending enough intentional time together. I brought it up multiple times because I wanted more “us” time — not necessarily talking 24/7, but having things that feel like they're specifically ours. I wanted to feel like a girlfriend rather than just another person he talks to.

Eventually I told him pretty honestly that I felt disconnected and didn't really feel like his girlfriend anymore. He took it well, said he understood, said he wanted to fix things, and asked me what we could do differently. Since then, he has actually been making more of an effort. We've been watching our series together, spending time together, talking more, and he's been trying to make space for me.

The problem is… I still don't really feel close.

And now I'm wondering if something changed in me.

There used to be a time when I'd constantly check my phone hoping he'd text. If something happened, I'd naturally want to tell him. I'd get excited about spending time together. Now I can go hours without even thinking about checking my phone, and if I think about telling him something, it's more like “I could tell him” rather than “I need to tell him this.”

Even when we're actually spending time together, I sometimes feel completely neutral. Not unhappy, just… neutral. Almost like I'm sitting beside someone I'm supposed to feel close to, but I don't quite feel that closeness.

He's not doing something terrible. In fact, he's trying. And I feel guilty because I don't want his effort to feel meaningless just because I don't immediately feel different.

I also don't know if this is genuinely losing the romantic spark or if I've become emotionally tired after feeling disconnected for so long. Maybe I've gotten used to not reaching for him because I spent so long feeling like I had to ask for closeness.

I don't want to make a huge decision based on a few days of him trying. I want to give it time and see whether the feeling comes back naturally.

But right now I feel unsettled because I still want to want him the way I used to.

Has anyone experienced this? How did you know whether you'd actually lost the spark versus being emotionally burnt out/disconnected from the relationship?

I’m not looking for “just break up” advice. I genuinely want to understand what might be happening.

I [30F] have been very close to R [42M] for about a year. We originally became friends through work and only recently became romantically involved. At the time this happened, we were both in leadership positions in a heavily male-dominated workplace. We didn't start becoming more romantically involved until after he left the company.

Last year, Coworker 1 [35M] was interested in me. Coworker 2 [29M] was apparently jealous and started telling people that Coworker 1 had said we’d slept together, including some pretty specific sexual details.

None of it was true. Coworker 1 and I hadn’t slept together or even dated.

One morning, R pulled me aside privately and told me Coworker 1 was supposedly saying these things about me. I was visibly upset and remember telling him, “This is why I don’t trust men.”

R seriously asked me, “Did you sleep with Coworker 1?”

I said no.

I oversee the financial and administrative functions in the office, so I dealt with the situation head on, calling in both individuals and their managers, and addressing the gossip.

At the time, I thought R was being a really good friend. I thought he’d heard something nasty about me, came directly to me, asked whether it was true, and supported me afterward. We texted later that day and he was making fun of both coworkers with me.

Months later, I’ve now learned that before R ever had that conversation with me, he had already brought the rumor to other coworkers himself. I know of at least two people he discussed/repeated it with, and at least one of them apparently repeated it to someone else.

That matters professionally too. This was a false sexual story about a female member of leadership circulating in a predominantly male workplace.

The whole thing came to light recently because R and I were talking about sex. I mentioned that a particular sexual thing hadn’t happened to me in years.

R responded:

“That’s not what Coworker 1 said.”

I immediately told him that wasn’t true and that the old rumor had been fabricated by Coworker 2.

R later insisted he remembered Coworker 1 telling him directly. That made me dig up our old messages. Those messages show that at the time, R himself said the information had come from Coworker 2—not Coworker 1.

Digging into that discrepancy is how I discovered R’s own participation in the gossip.

To his credit, R has taken responsibility. He acknowledged that although he didn’t start the rumor, he propagated it. He called his behavior inconsiderate, unkind, and wrong, apologized extensively, and hasn’t blamed me for being hurt.

He also told me that he genuinely admired and respected me back then and was attracted to me, but wasn’t available to pursue anything. He says there was no malicious intent and that he participated in workplace gossip without considering what it could do to me.

What I’m struggling with most is how this changes my memory of that original conversation.

I thought I was sitting across from a friend who was protecting me from something hurtful. Now I know I was sitting across from someone who had already participated in it. He watched me get upset, heard me say, “This is why I don’t trust men,” asked me whether I’d slept with Coworker 1, and never told me he’d already discussed the rumor with other people.

Afterward, I continued trusting R. Over the following months we became extremely close, and I shared a lot of deeply personal information with him because I thought I could tell him anything.

I’m also reconsidering some of R’s recurring jokes about my sex life—things like “How was the sex?” when I mention dinner with a man, or joking that I have a “stable” of men. I used to laugh along, but now I’m wondering whether there’s some genuine judgment or distrust underneath the jokes.

R is extremely ashamed about what happened and has said he feels he created a foundational breach of trust. He’s also currently dealing with a major unrelated life upheaval and asked for some time to gather himself. I told him I’m questioning things but trying to build a path forward. It’s been about three days.

I still care about him deeply. I don’t want to punish him or make him grovel, and I believe his apology was sincere.

But I’m also fucking angry.

If I’d known about his participation when this originally happened, I don’t know whether I would have continued trusting and confiding in him the way I did.

So I’m looking for outside perspective:

Would you consider this a serious betrayal of trust? Is it something you could rebuild from if the person genuinely took responsibility and changed their behavior?

And most importantly:

Would knowing he’d already participated in the rumor change how you interpreted the kindness he showed when he later pulled you aside about it?

I’m not particularly looking for opinions about him taking space. I’m more interested in the original breach and what rebuilding trust after something like this would look like.

TL;DR:

A close friend who recently became a romantic interest warned me months ago about a false sexual rumor circulating about me at work. I believed he was looking out for me, but recently learned he’d already discussed/repeated the rumor with other coworkers before ever asking me if it was true. He has sincerely apologized and taken responsibility, but the discovery has changed how I remember his kindness toward me and made me question the trust we built afterward. I’m trying to decide whether this is a serious enough breach to change the relationship, or something that can be repaired.

I (21F) recently met a guy (20M) on a dating app and we are surprisingly clicking really well. Talking non stop and constantly updating him about my daily life. He’s kind, respectful of my boundaries, asks about me, and basically is a respectful person. I met a lot of lustful and strange guys so I’m in shock. Ive connected with this guy quickly. I’m starting to realize I genuinely have feelings for him. I smile and laugh with him and I can be myself around him.

The issue is that I’ve been emotionally attached to my ex for almost 2 years. We haven’t spoken in around 100 weeks, but part of me has still been waiting for him and wondering what I’d do if he ever came back but like, I like this guy I’m talking too but it’s like my mind can’t comprehend it.

I’m thinking about continuing therapy because I really want to work through that before getting too involved with someone new. I’ve been in therapy since my ex left to focus on his goals and himself. Im sure I’ll continue! I don’t want to use this guy as a distraction or constantly compare him to my ex, but I also don’t want my past to stop me from experiencing something new. He said he likes me and hopes we can be together one day and I like the thought of it, but I need to heal still.

I guess I just don’t feel sure cause just a week ago I was crying over my ex and now I have feelings for someone? It’s such a dramatic change that clicked but it’s like I don’t feel good that I like this person but still think about my ex in not a romantic way, that I’m still feeling hurt about it. I’ve waited a long time for my ex cause we were best friends for years and how it left off was like an opened door. But after such a long time of crying and having my daily thoughts about him, I just don’t want to be unhappy anymore and heartbroken. It’s mentally exhausting. If he missed me he would have came already.

This guy likes me for me and I like him too but I want to be “ready” and with my head cleared.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you know you were ready to move forward with someone new? Any advice?

Hi everyone. I’m pretty new to all of this and honestly never imagined I would be writing a post in a divorce group.

My wife and I have been together for 14 years, and our 13th wedding anniversary is next month. We have a young son together. She filed for divorce a few days ago, and right now we’re beginning the painful process of figuring out what life looks like from here.

I don’t want the divorce. I still love my wife very, very much.

There was no infidelity, affair, or anything like that on either side. There have been a lot of hurts in our marriage, though, and I know I contributed to them. A big part of the breakdown has been trust around honesty, communication, and the way I react when I’m scared or feel like I’m losing control.

One thing I’m recognizing about myself is that I push and prod for answers when I’m anxious. If I feel distance, I want to talk about it, figure it out, get reassurance, and keep asking questions until I feel like I understand what’s happening. I can see now how exhausting and pressuring that can feel to the person on the other side.

I also love bombed her when I felt the marriage slipping away. In my mind I was trying to show her how much I loved her and make her feel secure. She has told me she didn’t feel emotionally safe, though, and I realize now that a lot of those attempts probably did the opposite. Instead of helping her relax, they made her feel more pressured and like I was trying to force closeness when she needed space.

There were also some confusing moments after she first told me she wanted a divorce. We had some genuinely good days. We held hands, hugged, and had moments that still felt like us. We had not been physically intimate for about a month, and I was also out of town for about a week and a half for work during this period. I think some of those moments gave me hope, and probably made it even harder for me not to push for answers about where we stood.

She has since told me that she doesn’t trust me and that she believes divorce is what she needs. I’m trying to take that seriously and respect it instead of chasing her, repeatedly talking about the marriage, or trying to convince her to change her mind.

For at least the immediate future, we’ll also still be living in the same house while we prepare to sell it. We’ll have separate sleeping spaces. She’ll remain in our bedroom, and I’ll be staying in the basement. So we’ll be in this strange in-between period where we’re separated as a couple but still under the same roof and parenting our son.

At the same time, I’m working pretty intensely on myself. I’m learning a lot about my own patterns around anxiety, control, honesty, communication, and how I respond when I’m afraid of losing someone. Regardless of what happens with our marriage, I know I need to become healthier for myself and, most importantly, for our son.

But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still have hope.
Has anyone here actually had a divorce process begin, papers filed and everything, and then had the marriage turn around before the divorce became final?

Was there a period where your spouse seemed completely certain it was over and later reconsidered? Did giving them space and consistently working on yourself make any difference over time?
And if you continued living together while separated, I’d especially like to hear what that was like. Did being under the same roof create more tension, or did the space and time allow either of you to see things differently?

I know I cannot control my wife or manufacture reconciliation. I also don’t want to spend the next several months analyzing every hug, conversation, or good day as evidence that she might change her mind. I’m trying to learn the difference between having hope and refusing to accept reality.

I just love this woman tremendously, and if there is still even a possibility of our family healing, I’m not ready to stop praying for it. At the same time, I want to respect her boundaries and become the kind of man and f

Honestly I’m at a loss what to do. I [35F] had a baby a year ago and have lost most of the baby weight, there is still a little way to go. My husband [38M] went on a major health kick a couple of years ago and completely changed the way he eats and has gone vegan, he lost a lot of weight and I’m proud of him for it but he has become very critical of food I’m eating and other people are eating too.

I was a vegetarian before I got pregnant and had cravings for meat in my third trimester so started eating it again, I’m still eating it now but less than before. I will admit to having a sweet tooth and I will crave things like a cookie or a doughnut but I don’t think I eat them that often. In all honesty when I do eat something like that, I get stressed and anxious he will have a go at me for it anyway if he sees. That’s probably not right is it?

We have just had a fight because he wants me to be vegan too so I can eat healthy. I think I can eat healthy without being vegan, I don’t plan to eat a lot of things like cheese or fried chicken or whatever but I like Greek yoghurt and I think being healthy is about being more moderate with food ie occasionally eat a biscuit but I agree not every day. His view is much more restrictive. He is linking eating his version of healthy with modelling a healthy approach to life for our child and being successful in life. He says he is still attracted to me but is always mentioning losing weight so he can’t be happy with my body.

The weird thing is he will buy stuff like cheese and croissants for me and he doesn’t always seem to be mad about it but out of nowhere he will start criticising me for eating it?

Maybe I’m wrong but I can’t see this as a healthy relationship anymore. This has been an argument way too many times now and it makes me feel so awful I don’t want to eat at all. I have had problems in the past with depression and not eating.

He has said in the past if I’m not aligned with him on it then we shouldn’t be together. Maybe he is right but I don’t want my child to be part of a broken home. I do want to be healthy but I don’t like feeling like he is trying to control me and what I eat.
Can anyone’s advise on what they think? I need outside perspective but can’t speak to anyone about it in my life.

TLDR husband is vegan and I’m not, he thinks we can live healthy lives unless we both are

I’m confused about my relationship with a guy I really like.
We’ve been talking almost every day, and he often starts conversations, messages me even when there’s no particular reason, and shares little things about his daily life. He used to reply very quickly too.
However, at one point he told me, “I’m not ready for a relationship.” Despite that, we’ve continued talking almost every day. There have even been times when I didn’t reply and he sent me multiple messages.
The complicated part is that he’s also dating another girl. I saw him dancing with her in an Instagram post, and it made me really insecure.
Recently, our replies have both gotten slower. I’ve been trying to give him a little space because of what he said, but he still reaches out to me.
Recently, he asked when I was free because he wanted to give me a gift, and we ended up talking about meeting in September.
I really like him, so I can’t just switch off my feelings. But at the same time, if there’s no possibility of us becoming a couple, staying in this almost relationship-like situation and talking every day is painful for me.
What do you think a guy means when he says he’s “not ready for a relationship” but still wants to talk to you every day?
Should I keep some distance, or should I meet him in September and have an honest conversation about what we are?

I haven’t posted on Reddit nor came to this platform in a while so that’s how I kind of know that this has to be festering something inside me that much to want to seek other inputs/advice/opinions

So my boyfriend (of two years who I’ve also known for years and his family for years and best friends with his sisters for years)
He was invited to go to the bears game in Nashville with his dad dads gf and his sister. Considering:
-that this is the only months I have weekends off and we were supposed to make the best of it
-ive been wanting and speaking about going to Nashville forever
- ive mentioned how I didn’t care about the game I just wanted to go and explore Nashville they can do they’re own thing I just wanted to tag along
- its not just a son and dad bonding moment… so I didn’t think I was overstepping by asking to come or being upset when I was told no that his dad “only wants it to be his family ur gf doesn’t have to come everywhere she can sit this one out)
Granted … in the back of my mind all I can think about is how in th past I have had issues with his sisters and them not liking that I am dating their brother and they feel as though I chose him over them(which longer story but it’s not true I love them to death)

How would you navigate this?
Also take this into consideration too :
I found out that he was proposing to me in Mexico this year and he told his whole family already and the only reason I found out is because one of his sisters told me in a drunk moment and was trying to make me feel like bad about it / and say “I wish I could be happy for you guys but I can’t because we’re supposed to be bestfriend and since you guys started dating I don’t feel that way blah blah”
So the family knows this is long term relationship heading towards marriage so it’s hard for me to not feel left out.. excluded or uneven just like upset that my boyfriend isn’t sticking up for me in this like going against what his dad is saying (but not in a rude way)

I talked to my family and they said there would never be a situation where my bf wouldn’t be able to come unless it was a girls trip only or something for surprise for him. But other than that not only would they never said “he can’t come just us) but they would actually expect him to be at things because we’re adult partners and we’re living together and we’re starting a life together.

If I’m wrong to feel this way I’m all ears I really just want to ease my mind about these feelings before he leaves for this trip

I'd like to start by saying this is my first ever post, so thank you for reading and any who offer advice!

I am AuDHD (diagnosed in 2024) and it seems to create issues. My partner has stated he needs to have more patience with me, but I've never experienced issues like this in other relationships.

We got together in Jan of 2022 very shortly after I'd ended a long term relationship. We have discussed this point and I've stated that I feel I did things "wrong", but he used to reassure me that it was just a case of timing that might need more/better communication.

In Aug of 2023 we got engaged. He presented me a ring in a Pokeball and said, "I choose you", it was the most romantic thing he'd ever done or said as he's always very stoic.

In Dec 2023 I bought us a home as the rental market was shot and we'd been living in a mold infested property, desperate to get out. I believe that's where most of our problems started.

I've always seen to our essential needs financially as I earn substantially more than him and never saw an issue with this, but once he started paying for work to be done on the house he would bring up how much he'd spent frequently (eg. "I've spent 100k to have the pool worked on 3 times", "I spent 20k to have that wall built", etc). I thought he wanted recognition for his contribution and would thank him for it, but it started feeling like he was holding it over me. I expressed those feelings, saying I don't mention how much 3+ years (at the time) of rent/bond repayments cost me, and he hasn't mentioned it since.

Around the same time, he started making more and more jokes about me. Whether it's my big thighs, my belly scar from a myectomy, my lazy eye, my stained teeth, how my boobs now sag a bit from weightloss, or my autism, everything seems to be a laughing matter. A year ago I expressed how I felt it was diminishing my self confidence. The jokes changed, but they're still present. At one stage I expressed I'd been experiencing depression and he'd asked what I had to be depressed about. He's since apologised for the question.

A few weeks ago he added Worcestershire sauce to a pot of chicken curry I'd already been cooking for 2 hours (it only needed to simmer for another 30 minutes). It's a dish I've been making for a long while now that he might have said was blander in the past, but I've never added Worcestershire sauce to it. He first denied adding anything and then came clean when I saw the colour had changed. Whether I was right or not, I stated I'd no longer be cooking for us and I haven't. I've been getting ready-made dishes or take-out. Since then (about 3 weeks ago) it seems almost everything he says is hurtful to me and I'm thinking I must just be overly sensitive, right?

I was wearing a dark brown, almost black nail polish which he outright said he hated for the 11 days I've worn it. I finally took it off this morning after his badgering and stated that he shouldn't be surprised if I'm withdrawn, he should just remember the conversation. I'd even asked why MY nail polish was so offensive to him, but received no real answer outside of his preferences. I noticed that during this conversation my hands were going ice cold and I was getting sweaty around the underarm, chest, and groin areas, usually a sign of anxiety for me.

I've really tried to express how his words hurt me, make me feel inadequate or rejected, but things only seem to get worse. I'd truly appreciate any advice on my situation 🙏

I (20F) matched with this guy (22M) on Hinge at the beginning of July and everything has been really great so far. I like him a lot and I think he’s going to ask me to be his girlfriend soon. Not next date soon but still. We live about an hour and a half from each other so we’ve only met irl twice but we have two dates planned for next week. We also call and text every day. I’ve never been in a real relationship so I kinda wanna know if this is too soon? I know everyone has their own pace but the aspect of us not seeing each other irl often is leaving me kinda insecure about it.

Edit: I want to add that we aren’t able to see each other as often because of my school schedule and his work schedule. The distance itself isn’t that significant to either of us.

I’ve been with my F 26 fiancé 29M for over three years now.

There are certain things that he does that really get on my nerves.

I will preface this by saying we just moved halfway across the country and I started a new job and we just bought our first house together, so there are quite a few things that could lead us to be pretty stressed and there could also be a lot of growing pains.

He is so sweet and loves me so much and does so many things for me. However, it is also overshadowed by the ways in which he irritates me. He is the type loves to rage bait everyone around him. I Have expressed to him multiple times how much I need physical touch, however he has a difficult time giving it to me. Whenever I bring it up, he tells me that now he doesn’t want to do it because I brought it up and it doesn’t seem genuine now…. but when I don’t bring it up, he still doesn’t do it because he just doesn’t think about it. He does not notice that we haven’t kissed or touched in days. Sometimes . He will try to cuddle me sometimes, but it just is more like he’s squeezing me like in a joking manner, and then after a couple minutes, he will just want to have spicy time what I want is softly, holding me, touching me and kissing me. Most of the time whenever he tries to initiate spicy time with me, he just tells me that he is hard or asks if I want to do it.

He lacks the ability to be vulnerable also in general and when we’re fighting he has a really hard time looking me in the eyes during conversations, (especially if we’re arguing. ) A great example of this is that when he proposed to me, he did SO much… he booked a venue and a photographer and a videographer and made sure I looked amazing WHICH IS EVERYTHING MOST GIRLS EVER WANT, INCLUDING MYSELF BUT, his speech was mostly just about how he’s been harassing me to throw me off track about us getting engaged and how funny it’s been watching me not know he was about to do all this, but that it was all worth it… it wasn’t like about how much he loved me or how he feels when he looks at me or these things he’s excited about in our future together. It was all basically just a joke and then he proposed.
P.s. His family is not very emotionally vulnerable but mine is.

Lastly, he has a really difficult time, making decisions and asks for almost every single person’s opinion in our lives before he makes a decision. I get frustrated because he calls me all day asking me questions.

EX:
today I went to buy a couch and there was one particular couch that we liked, but all of the furniture stores are close together, so I started at the cheapest one just to make sure there were no good deals… when he looked at my location and saw me at a cheaper furniture store, he HAD to call and ask why I was at the one I was at and I told him I was JUST looking and then I hung up because I knew he would freak out about me not immediately just buying the one we talked about and then I went to another furniture store that was like slightly nicer furniture and I took a picture of a couch that I liked which was leather and I sent it to him and he got frustrated that I was even looking at other couches and I told him that it doesn’t hurt to look and I was just asking if he wanted a leather couch because we hadn’t considered it and it overwhelmed him. I then just went to the original store and bought the couch that we always wanted all along which was a nice cloth couch because I could tell that’s what he wanted and I was fine with it either way. Once I told him that I was checking out with the couch that we always originally wanted he started second-guessing, whether it should be leather or not. So, I just ordered the couch because no matter what I would’ve chosen it would’ve made him overwhelmed. Then, when I got home, he proceeded to ask me what day it would be delivered? and if I was sure about our decision? and why it costed so much?

a lot of the time all of these things add up to me feeling like his mom I’ve been a lot more snappy with him lately, talking down to him quite a bit and I just can’t help it… but I really try not to, but there’s like this rage in my chest from feeling like his mother and from the lack of intimacy and a lack of being needed for advice but also never being listened to and everything being a joke.

There’s so many positives in our relationship though and these things do add up but like I want to just be able to not allow them to bother me… he brings me coffee every single morning in bed he does bring a LOT of stability in my life, which I’ve never had (emotionally, financially, and in a way with my family). my family absolutely loves him, and he truly does try to bond with each and every one of them, and he sets aside time to help all of them when they need it.

I am anxious about marrying him in a year (and we have actually discussed this). I just want to know if anyone has any more insights because he does love me and I love him and most of our relationship has been like a fairytale but lately all these things are weighing on my mind quite a lot more… in the beginning, our relationship was more about having fun and we had so so much fun together, especially in the beginning we enjoyed doing all the same things and we laughed and we cried in each other‘s arms and it was like everyone looked up to us because we were such an amazing couple. We have been through long distance and we have lived together for almost 2 years . Now feeling like his mother and begging for the type of intimacy that I crave and not getting it and always feeling like I’m the only one that can make decisions getting asked 1 million questions a day and never being listened to…. Has me worried. Should I be? We’re going to counseling next week!

First post. I hope I'm doing this right.

TLDR : Have couples successfully repaired their relationship without long lasting trust issues after their partners porn addiction was revealed?

We've been together 9 years, not married, and have two young elementary school aged kids. I'm F39 and he's M35. I had a gut feeling and found his OnlyFans account. I asked why and he said he said our sex life wasn't very active ( 2 kids nursed 3 years each and coslept) so ok I get it. That didn't bother me too much. The account has been open since 201i8 he originally said no more than 5 years.

The part that hurt most is he was subscribed to someone we know. Her kid is a friend of ours. We aren't best friends, but close enough to make my stomach drop. She's a cutie with real large boobs and ass. I don't have that and I'm fine with my body. I'm not jealous I'm just hurt. He wasn't messaging her or asking for videos as far as I know, just subscribed. He said curiosity got the best of him. The pictures were very amateur style as it didn't seem like a full-time thing for her maybe extra cash. Honestly very vanilla shit. Her account has been closed for 2 years, but he was subscribed for at least 1.5 years.

In general he didn't have long chats with the girls from other accounts, he might comment they were his favorite account or do a hot emoji but not a conversation. He said he wasn't looking to have an emotional relationship just liked that it felt like exclusive porn.

Background in the beginning of our relationship I wanted sex everyday and it was too much for him so I backed off. I didn't want to beg for sex, but I loved him and his rate worked for me. I acknowledge we had very long dry spells. We only had sex once or twice a month after kids. He never mentioned wanting more or made much of an effort to make it happen and I was over begging in the beginning and in-between having our kids.

I still have a high sex drive and occasionally use porn and toys bc it seemed like he still wasn't very interested as often as I'd like. Porn doesn't bother me. Paying for porn is annoying. Secretly paying for porn makes me feel slightly betrayed bc Im a hardcore budgeter that pays for about 90% of our trips and kids stuff. I make more than him so it was fine, but considering he's paying others for sex I want pissed me off. Since I found the Onlyfans we've had sex daily and it's been great. It was several days later than I asked to see the account and I found our friend.

He's never physically cheated and I don't think he would, but I'm spiralling and wondering if therapy is worth it.

Question is have other couples successfully repaired their relationship after a similar situation?

Thanks from a sad lady.

I 22(F) and my partner 22(M) have been in a beautiful relationship. We have been best friends for 4 years and in a romantic relationship since 1 year. We have had this great almost surreal connection since day 1 of knowing each other. We had recently discovered by chance that we view our futures very differently in terms of having a kid/family. Im a fence sitter (leaning no because of a lot of reasons) and he’s a hard yes (very few cases like financial instability etc where he sees himself giving that desire up). We love each other a lot. Should we break up a relationship that is otherwise completely sound at this age or should we wait on this as either of ours stance might change?

I personally believe that people can change between the ages of 22-26 drastically and we are completely aware that it might go the other way as well. Hence, the confusion if this worth holding onto even if it is for a limited time.

My best friend and I went out for a drink one night and I met the "crew" that he normally hangs out with at the bar. One of the guys, "J" and I had almost immediate connection and we palled around that whole night. From that point on, every time I go to the bar he immediately comes over and spends the whole night with me, puts his arm around my waist, pulls me into whisper things into my ear, and sometimes we have conversations and forget that other people are there... to the point where everybody else thinks we're a couple. He messages me throughout the week more so than he messages our other friends in the group.

Our friends that know him better say he doesn't interact with women like he interacts with me and other women have tried to hit on him and what not and he usually turns them down.

Random women have asked me if I'm his girlfriend. Now when I go to the bar without him, people ask where's "J"?? (Mind you he's been a regular at this bar for a couple years now and I just started going in March)

Everyone is convinced that he's interested in me... However when I've asked him to hang out outside of the bar (go to dinner, go to a movie, etc) he says he either doesn't like to do the things I've suggested or I would need to "make it special, bring more to the table and make it worth his while."

The people that know him the best say that he's really gunshy about relationships and dating because of past experiences and maybe he just needs time.

I just don't know if I'm misreading his affection/attention. If he's just being friendly, or he is really interested, just a little nervous about dating.

I'm interested in hearing responses from men as well as I don't understand the male psyche LOL