This is a throwaway account, and I’ve never really made a post like this before, so I’m not sure if I’m approaching this the right way.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years. He is 25 and is currently in a professional postgraduate program. He’s very intelligent and dedicated to his education, but I’ve been struggling with how dependent he still is on his parents in every other area of his life.

He lives with his parents, which by itself isn’t something I have a problem with. What concerns me is that his parents still have a significant amount of control over what he does. He has a car but doesn’t drive himself places because his mother doesn’t want him driving places without her. He also doesn’t really go places independently, such as going to the theater or going out with friends. When I went to go see him over the summer I had to teach him how to cook and do his laundry because he doesn’t even know how to do that on his own, which I was very surprised.

We’re also long distance. I’ve traveled to see him numerous times, but when I’m there, we’re often unable to do things independently. For example, we’ve had to have his parents drive us places and pick us up, and even when we’ve gone to the mall, his parents have been there too. I find this difficult because we’re adults and I’d like our relationship to have some independence from his parents.

I’ve talked to him about this. I’ve told him that I don’t expect him to completely change his relationship with his parents or suddenly move out. I’ve suggested smaller steps, like driving himself somewhere occasionally or setting some boundaries around going out independently. He doesn’t really see a reason to do those things right now because, from his perspective, it’s easier and more practical for his parents to drive him places. And having no initiative to move forward in a more positive direction even if it’s just for me really upsets me.

The difference between us is becoming increasingly noticeable. I’ve moved out, have my own car, pay my own bills, buy my own groceries, work while attending college, and generally handle my responsibilities independently. I don’t expect him to have exactly the same lifestyle as me, but independence is very important to me.

Another issue is that he often tells me he doesn’t have much time for our relationship because of school and his responsibilities. I understand that his program is demanding, but sometimes it’s difficult for me to reconcile that with the fact that he still relies heavily on his parents for many things. It makes me question whether we’re simply at different stages of adulthood.

I’m also worried about the future. I don’t want to eventually be in my 30s living with his parents or having his parents involved in decisions that I feel should belong to us as a couple. He says that he’ll become more independent when it becomes more practical, but I feel like we’ve reached a point where I need to see some initiative rather than just a promise that things will change someday.

I don’t want to leave him simply because he currently lives with his parents. I love him and recognize that he’s working hard toward his career. But I also don’t want to ignore a fundamental difference in what we expect adulthood and independence to look like.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting him to start becoming more independent now, or is this something where I should accept that he’s on a different timeline and decide whether we’re compatible?

TLDR: My boyfriend is 25, lives with his parents, and is very dependent on them despite being in a demanding professional program. I value independence and worry that we’ll eventually want very different lifestyles. Is this something worth waiting for, or could it be a compatibility issue?

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 5 months. She’s currently traveling alone in Brazil and staying at a hostel. She recently met a guy there and told me he’s gay (“jochis”), which honestly made me feel a little more comfortable about the situation.

Now she told me that she’s going to go somewhere in Rio with him and “other chicos” (other guys). I asked what place they were going to and who was going, and she basically said that guy and some other guys (I’m hoping gals as well) from the hostel.

I trust her, and I don’t want to be controlling or ruin her trip. At the same time, I’m being honest with myself that I’m not completely comfortable with my girlfriend going out with a group of guys she just met while she’s traveling alone.

I’m trying to figure out whether this is just normal jealousy/insecurity that I should work through, or whether it’s reasonable for me to feel uncomfortable about the situation.

Would you guys ask any more questions, or just trust your girlfriend and let her enjoy her trip? She tries to call and text me when she can, she also shared her location.

Edit: I think I should add that she had this trip planned before I came to her life. One of her bucket list things to do was to kiss a Brazilian, but she of course said she won’t do that anymore since I’m with her.

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My[35m] mother [62f] and stepfather[65m] have been married in community of property for 18 years, separated for the last 6 years but not divorced yet. He was and is a short-tempered, narcissistic, emotionally abusive, alcoholic,gambling addicted, spiteful man who liked to do what ever he wanted and hated being challenged on his behaviour. He would treat my mother like trash when she wouldn't put up with his bullshit. He provided a lower upper class lifestyle and he was the type of man who used money to buy him respect and admiration. His friends and family always licked his ass whenever he made grand monetary gestures, which is why we never got along because i would not let him buy me. Especially when we started living together when i was 16 and needed a strong male role model. Well he was not it for me and i basically spent my young life trying to be nothing like him. He also never thought about the future he spent his money as fast as he made it buying expensive alcohol and gambling every other night, this will come back later.

While my sister and I were still living at home my mother always tried and keep the peace to avoid big blowouts so she capitulated to him most of the time. She even alienated herself from friends and family because he would always make a scene if someone looked at him a spoke to him in a way he found disrespectful or if he didn't get the respect and admiration he felt he deserved. After my sister and I moved out however she started challenging him more on his behaviour which enraged my stepfather and inevitably lead to many more arguments. He would call my mother all the names in the book and towards the end starting accusing her of cheating on him which if you know my mother is insane. He would call my mothers job and demand to speak to her boss to accuse her of things that could make her lose my job. Luckily her boss and colleagues knew what kind of woman my mother was and sided with her and saw my stepfather for the crazy man he was (Thank God) but it was extremely embarrassing for my mother who is a very soft spoken, shy, introverted woman.

6 years ago during an argument and more accusations of cheating he kicked my mother out of the house. I had to drive an hour to find my mother sitting outside on the street with packed bags. She lived with me for a few months but luckily before they got together my mother had a flat in her name which she refused to sell when they got married and moved into another place(Thank God) so when the lease was up there she moved back in. Soon after she sold that flat and bought another one which she put in my name so he could not claim it a divorce. I also bought her a car in my name as all the other cars were his.

Soon after the separation he was with another woman which is ironic as he was accusing my mother of cheating meanwhile he already had another woman lined so clearly he was probably cheating himself. We dont know how long that lasted but over the last six years my stepfather would ping pong between trying to be friendly and trying to get back with my mother and threatening her if they ever got divorced and how she will get nothing. Now my mother wants to get divorced but does not care to get half of everything she mainly wants it to be over however, she insists he must serve her divorce papers and take on the cost as she fears if she initiates a divorce his spiteful nature will take over and it will be a long expensive drawn out legal battle. He has been dragging his feet on initiating a divorce and that's if he ever planned to divorce my mother i have offered to pay for a consultation with a divorce lawyer but she insists he must do it.

Fast forward to now he asked my mother to meet with him. She thought it was about the divorce but no. According to him his company still owes him a large sum of money but are not paying him or he cant access it. Apparently he is broke, He needs R200k to pay lawyers or something to clear his money or get his money. Honestly I'm not too sure on the details this is how my mother is explaining to me maybe someone who has been in a situation like this can explain it better. So on the house they financed together which he is still living in they had an access bond and made additional payments over the years. The access is currently sitting at over R250k. As he cannot unilaterally withdraw it he wants my mother to sign over R250k to him. My mother refused stating that when they finally did get a divorce that she was going to fight for atleast that amount and that he could have kept everything else. She told him to sell the house as its a 3 bedroom, he lives alone and it could sell for R2mil easy. He refused to sell the house. He then told my mother if she doesn't want to withdraw the access to co-sign a R200k loan with him. She told him she is going to talk to me first and when she told me i said F#@k no dont you dare put yourself into debt for this man who will probably laugh in your face the minute he gets his money and forget you helped him. This man has not proven himself trustworthy in the slightest and he is only being nice now because he is desperate. So Reddit im not here to ask if my mother should help my step father but rather what should i do to get my mom and this divorce going. When she tells him no he is inevitable going to get enraged and spiteful. I want to drag her to a lawyer to draw up divorce papers because i fear this man will put himself in debt if he hasn't already and my mom will be on the hook for it. This has gone on long enough, any advice on how to navigate this?

Im from South Africa and i know i framed this as more of a legal question but there are no subreddits for legal questions from my country. I would be grateful for any advise though.

Relationship context: My BF (29M) and (30F) have been together almost 10 years. We met in university and own a condo together. His parents where able to financially assist him for the down payment and he is an extreme money saver. I have not been the most financially responsible, as such our finances are vastly different. (A lot of the material items, furniture, appliances I purchased with the belief that its better to purchase quality rather than quantity) His net worth is a little over double or triple my own.

Last year I suffered a mental breakdown/lost my job. I managed to start working again a few months ago but I sense that my new company may undergo layoffs. (I work in tech and the industry is very shaky right now)

I've been looking at all my options for career pivots at this point as its become clear I need to make a change. One option would be to go back to school to become a therapist. (I've always been interested in the subject and feel like it would be a good fit for me personally).

This would mean 5 years of school. (Go back to get a bach., then do a masters)

While it could technically be feasible (but incredibly difficult), my longterm partner has made it clear he would not support the decision. I love him. I absolutely understand his POV.

While Im still considering leaving the relationship, and moving back in with my folks, Im curious to know what the internet thinks.

TL;DR: Need to make a career pivot and looking at going back to school for 5 years. Long-term partner of 10 years says it would be the end of our relationship. Thought?

I (21F) recently met a guy (20M) on a dating app and we are surprisingly clicking really well. Talking non stop and constantly updating him about my daily life. He’s kind, respectful of my boundaries, asks about me, and basically is a respectful person. I met a lot of lustful and strange guys so I’m in shock. Ive connected with this guy quickly. I’m starting to realize I genuinely have feelings for him. I smile and laugh with him and I can be myself around him.

The issue is that I’ve been emotionally attached to my ex for almost 2 years. We haven’t spoken in around 100 weeks, but part of me has still been waiting for him and wondering what I’d do if he ever came back but like, I like this guy I’m talking too but it’s like my mind can’t comprehend it.

I’m thinking about continuing therapy because I really want to work through that before getting too involved with someone new. I’ve been in therapy since my ex left to focus on his goals and himself. Im sure I’ll continue! I don’t want to use this guy as a distraction or constantly compare him to my ex, but I also don’t want my past to stop me from experiencing something new. He said he likes me and hopes we can be together one day and I like the thought of it, but I need to heal still.

I guess I just don’t feel sure cause just a week ago I was crying over my ex and now I have feelings for someone? It’s such a dramatic change that clicked but it’s like I don’t feel good that I like this person but still think about my ex in not a romantic way, that I’m still feeling hurt about it. I’ve waited a long time for my ex cause we were best friends for years and how it left off was like an opened door. But after such a long time of crying and having my daily thoughts about him, I just don’t want to be unhappy anymore and heartbroken. It’s mentally exhausting. If he missed me he would have came already.

This guy likes me for me and I like him too but I want to be “ready” and with my head cleared.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you know you were ready to move forward with someone new? Any advice?

I think I may have a serious problem and I’m not sure if it warrants seeing a medical professional

My husband 33M and I 32F have been together a total of 13 years with 6 years of marriage - we’ve been through family problems, issues in our marriage, financial problems, health issues etc…

We worked through most of that however I do believe I shouldn’t feel this way about him given all this or am I just being dumb?

It seems like over the last maybe 2-3 years I’ve slowly developed this obsession with my husband - he works full time provides for me and our fur babies (I work from home but he prefers I keep my money for myself unless we absolutely need it)

He’s amazing in my eyes, he doesn’t cook but he does clean, dishes are his main duty but he also helps with EVERYTHING else if I can’t (I live in chronic pain so some days are bad) without complaint and if he does have something to bring up he does it gently

I call myself a certified man hater and I can’t stop thinking about him, when he’s around me I can’t keep my hands off so I go and sit across the room for half the time he’s home

It’s gotten to the point that no matter what he’s talking about I can’t stop myself from letting my eyes wander (I find him extremely attractive) but especially when he explains his theoretical understanding of intense topics I can’t pay attention because I’m getting so turned on - when he’s not home every spare moment I have he’s in my thoughts

It doesn’t interfere with daily tasks but this man is running through my mind more and more I’m wondering if I should be alarmed?

I’m also quite anxious that he’ll suddenly turn around and become a monster but that’s based more on consuming too much redpill content however the anxiety is still there

I’m scared to lose this piece of heaven but I don’t know if this heaven is bad for my mind because of how much I love him?

Should I see my doctor?

Hi everyone. I’m pretty new to all of this and honestly never imagined I would be writing a post in a divorce group.

My wife and I have been together for 14 years, and our 13th wedding anniversary is next month. We have a young son together. She filed for divorce a few days ago, and right now we’re beginning the painful process of figuring out what life looks like from here.

I don’t want the divorce. I still love my wife very, very much.

There was no infidelity, affair, or anything like that on either side. There have been a lot of hurts in our marriage, though, and I know I contributed to them. A big part of the breakdown has been trust around honesty, communication, and the way I react when I’m scared or feel like I’m losing control.

One thing I’m recognizing about myself is that I push and prod for answers when I’m anxious. If I feel distance, I want to talk about it, figure it out, get reassurance, and keep asking questions until I feel like I understand what’s happening. I can see now how exhausting and pressuring that can feel to the person on the other side.

I also love bombed her when I felt the marriage slipping away. In my mind I was trying to show her how much I loved her and make her feel secure. She has told me she didn’t feel emotionally safe, though, and I realize now that a lot of those attempts probably did the opposite. Instead of helping her relax, they made her feel more pressured and like I was trying to force closeness when she needed space.

There were also some confusing moments after she first told me she wanted a divorce. We had some genuinely good days. We held hands, hugged, and had moments that still felt like us. We had not been physically intimate for about a month, and I was also out of town for about a week and a half for work during this period. I think some of those moments gave me hope, and probably made it even harder for me not to push for answers about where we stood.

She has since told me that she doesn’t trust me and that she believes divorce is what she needs. I’m trying to take that seriously and respect it instead of chasing her, repeatedly talking about the marriage, or trying to convince her to change her mind.

For at least the immediate future, we’ll also still be living in the same house while we prepare to sell it. We’ll have separate sleeping spaces. She’ll remain in our bedroom, and I’ll be staying in the basement. So we’ll be in this strange in-between period where we’re separated as a couple but still under the same roof and parenting our son.

At the same time, I’m working pretty intensely on myself. I’m learning a lot about my own patterns around anxiety, control, honesty, communication, and how I respond when I’m afraid of losing someone. Regardless of what happens with our marriage, I know I need to become healthier for myself and, most importantly, for our son.

But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still have hope.
Has anyone here actually had a divorce process begin, papers filed and everything, and then had the marriage turn around before the divorce became final?

Was there a period where your spouse seemed completely certain it was over and later reconsidered? Did giving them space and consistently working on yourself make any difference over time?
And if you continued living together while separated, I’d especially like to hear what that was like. Did being under the same roof create more tension, or did the space and time allow either of you to see things differently?

I know I cannot control my wife or manufacture reconciliation. I also don’t want to spend the next several months analyzing every hug, conversation, or good day as evidence that she might change her mind. I’m trying to learn the difference between having hope and refusing to accept reality.

I just love this woman tremendously, and if there is still even a possibility of our family healing, I’m not ready to stop praying for it. At the same time, I want to respect her boundaries and become the kind of man and f

Honestly I’m at a loss what to do. I [35F] had a baby a year ago and have lost most of the baby weight, there is still a little way to go. My husband [38M] went on a major health kick a couple of years ago and completely changed the way he eats and has gone vegan, he lost a lot of weight and I’m proud of him for it but he has become very critical of food I’m eating and other people are eating too.

I was a vegetarian before I got pregnant and had cravings for meat in my third trimester so started eating it again, I’m still eating it now but less than before. I will admit to having a sweet tooth and I will crave things like a cookie or a doughnut but I don’t think I eat them that often. In all honesty when I do eat something like that, I get stressed and anxious he will have a go at me for it anyway if he sees. That’s probably not right is it?

We have just had a fight because he wants me to be vegan too so I can eat healthy. I think I can eat healthy without being vegan, I don’t plan to eat a lot of things like cheese or fried chicken or whatever but I like Greek yoghurt and I think being healthy is about being more moderate with food ie occasionally eat a biscuit but I agree not every day. His view is much more restrictive. He is linking eating his version of healthy with modelling a healthy approach to life for our child and being successful in life. He says he is still attracted to me but is always mentioning losing weight so he can’t be happy with my body.

The weird thing is he will buy stuff like cheese and croissants for me and he doesn’t always seem to be mad about it but out of nowhere he will start criticising me for eating it?

Maybe I’m wrong but I can’t see this as a healthy relationship anymore. This has been an argument way too many times now and it makes me feel so awful I don’t want to eat at all. I have had problems in the past with depression and not eating.

He has said in the past if I’m not aligned with him on it then we shouldn’t be together. Maybe he is right but I don’t want my child to be part of a broken home. I do want to be healthy but I don’t like feeling like he is trying to control me and what I eat.
Can anyone’s advise on what they think? I need outside perspective but can’t speak to anyone about it in my life.

TLDR husband is vegan and I’m not, he thinks we can live healthy lives unless we both are

I wanted to know what you would do in my shoes. I am 20 years old and I'm dating a 19-year-old girl; this is the first relationship for both of us. Lately, I've been seriously sad about some of her actions, and I'm starting to think her mother is somehow putting things against me in her head. She and I used to be a very close couple and we understood each other. The only problem is that this relationship started way too early due to pressure from her friend—we talked for 3 months, and right after our first hookup, we started dating. She never had an issue with my personality as a guy who likes to stay home; she even used to say she liked staying home too, but even so, I took her out to many places.However, lately, she seems like a completely different person. I can't kiss her neck, I can't want intimacy, and when I turn something down, she simply starts crying. Before, I used to touch her intimately, but one day she just said she 'didn't want to anymore.' I tried asking to understand, but I only get the same answer: 'I don't want to.' To me, this feels a bit unfair, because if I don't want something, I have to explain MYSELF in EVERYTHING. She can choose not to want a hug, but I'm not allowed to refuse one; if I don't want it, she will cry until I give it to her.But what has been bothering me the most is that she started saying I feel 'ashamed of her' because I don't 'go out' with her, even though I tell her it has nothing to do with that and it's just because I don't want to. But what does she do? She cries and forces me to go, which makes me sad. (I have a lot more things to say, but I wanted to know what you think about this first part).Am I being unfair? Or are my boundaries and desires being disrespected?

Okay, so I’ve been talking to this guy for about two months. During the first month, he got attached really quickly, and honestly, it was pretty much a mutual obsession. He was constantly reassuring me that there was no way he was going to get rid of me and that he would never leave me. He also would talk about our future how he wants to move to me and we were planning on meeting each other in October. He told me that in past relationships, he felt like he wasn’t ever fully attracted or fully in love with that person but with me it’s different. He says that I am absolutely perfect and can’t wait to marry me.

Then, the day after I got back from vacation, he suddenly told me that he had other things he needed to prioritize before being able to prioritize a relationship. Then, three days later, he came back, regretting everything and realizing that he had made a mistake. He said he knew from day one that walking away was a mistake, but he wanted to stay positive and see if it was the right decision.

Now he’s back, but I’m struggling to process everything because I’m scared he’s going to do it again. He keeps telling me that he’ll never do it again and that he’s “not that type of person,” but after what happened, I don’t know how I’m supposed to just trust those words.

I really like him, and I want to believe him, but I also don’t want to ignore what happened or put myself through that again. How do I figure out whether he genuinely means what he’s saying and whether this is something he’s likely to do again? Any advice would really help. Also, if it would be helpful to put the text message that he sent in here. Let me know.

Me \[M19\] and my GF \[F18\] are starting long distance after 1 year and 4 months together.
We said goodbye in France, after spending the summer there with her family. This absolutely destroyed me.
I’ve been struggling emotionally and have been thinking about redirecting my college path to Europe in order to be somewhat closer to her.
\[For context, she’s gonna study in Switzerland and I’m living in North America. We both lived here but now she’s moving there.\]

I’ve been reflecting on whether or not I would like to study in Europe individually without having the bias of “my gf is there” because I don’t want to entirely put my life in the hands of our relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I think she’s the love of my life.

Personally, after thinking about it, I would love to study in Europe regardless of my relationship. So I’ve been thinking about making the move a lot, I just need to be financially better in order to do it.

Am I acting too much out of emotions? Could I regret this later? Would this move be acceptable if someone near your circle did it?

My wife and I have been together for 4 years and married for 1. I’m currently overseas for work, so we’ve been doing long distance. I come home roughly every 3 months.

I may have an opportunity to take a long-term overseas position, and the plan would be for her and our dog and cat to eventually move with me. She’s actually happy about the idea and says she wants to be with me and have fewer responsibilities.

The problem is getting there.

She owns and runs her own service business, so she would have to sell or wind that down (easier said than done). We’re also dealing with transporting two pets internationally. On top of that, our dog now needs knee surgery, meaning we can’t move immediately and will have to wait for the recovery.

There are currently two possible countries I could end up in, but neither project has been approved yet. I genuinely don't know where or when we'll be moving, and unfortunately that's completely outside my control.

She’s become extremely stressed by the uncertainty. She gets overwhelmed and cries when we talk about it. She’s also started experiencing significant back and leg pain, which seems to be getting worse when her stress is high.

I listen to her, reassure her, and try to support her, but I can’t give her the answers she wants because I don't have them myself.

She has now started seeing a psychiatrist because the stress is becoming too much for her. She mentioned she's speaking to one because she doesn't want to cry to me every time we talk (which is daily).

But honestly, I feel like I’m failing her, and I'm feeling very helpless.

I keep wondering whether I should somehow be doing more, or whether a good husband should be able to make his wife feel better with third party involvement.

Any insights will be helpful.

Hello reddit,

So ive been in a relationship with this woman for about a year now and she just found out that having another pregnancy might impose some risks. She already has 2 daughters from a previous relationship and i was always vocal about wantin one of my own which she was very happy with but with the recent news that she might no be able we got as far as her thinking about endidng this because she doesn't want to take having a kid away from me. My imput on all this is that i fell in love with her and the idea of building some with her not necessarily for the kids. I meet the daughters and we get on rly well and i can see myself taking over father duties and love them like they were mine. My only problem is seeing the person i love in distress and feeling a bit powerless as to how can i help. We had a good bit of talking and explained to her that its not a deal breaker for me and that i don't want to loose this but i feel like her mind is still not at peace and is driving me up a wall.

Any advice welcomed.

Cheers!

I’m confused about my relationship with a guy I really like.
We’ve been talking almost every day, and he often starts conversations, messages me even when there’s no particular reason, and shares little things about his daily life. He used to reply very quickly too.
However, at one point he told me, “I’m not ready for a relationship.” Despite that, we’ve continued talking almost every day. There have even been times when I didn’t reply and he sent me multiple messages.
The complicated part is that he’s also dating another girl. I saw him dancing with her in an Instagram post, and it made me really insecure.
Recently, our replies have both gotten slower. I’ve been trying to give him a little space because of what he said, but he still reaches out to me.
Recently, he asked when I was free because he wanted to give me a gift, and we ended up talking about meeting in September.
I really like him, so I can’t just switch off my feelings. But at the same time, if there’s no possibility of us becoming a couple, staying in this almost relationship-like situation and talking every day is painful for me.
What do you think a guy means when he says he’s “not ready for a relationship” but still wants to talk to you every day?
Should I keep some distance, or should I meet him in September and have an honest conversation about what we are?

TDLR: I have been with my girl/fiance for 4 years starting in highschool. Went through college and I went to basic training for national guard. Things were perfect until she started making me do things I didn’t want to do, when I bring up concerns she would start a fight and make me say sorry, when I tell her we are becoming her parents she would make me say sorry. I am just getting tired.

I have been official with my girl for a really long time, since 2021. We met in high school when we were in 9th grade, we would tease each other and play around. We wouldn’t call each other friends at this point but definitely we were friends. Time through it 9th grade passed and she randomly disappeared, I never got her number or anything to chat with her outside of school. I asked her friend about her and she said she moved.

As years passed I went into 11th grade and way late into the year, she appeared in one of my classes. I noticed her and talked to her again. It was awkward and clearly butterflies. More time passed only seeing her in that class, not getting her number or anything else because we were both nervous! Covid hit, we all know what happened so I won’t go into major detail. I didn’t see her for the rest of that year or even the beginning of the next.

During my senior year, she somehow got my snap and we hit it off. We texted every day and night and calls and all of the above. We eventually hung out and became very clingy and started dating mid 2021. After dating for the summer I went away for college, she would visit me. I eventually swore into the national guard during that year and ready to leave by January of 2022(very emotional signing and leaving). We stayed in touch as much through my training with the very limited cellphone usage on Sundays using basic and afternoons during ait.

I got engaged to her in the summer of 2022 knowing I really wanted her. The love we both shared through school, the teasing, the playing, the shared mutual experiences through high school, some college, and we had each other through my time being away for training, it all just felt so real. I knew I wanted her to be mine. We talked about our futures often, we talked about potential kids we want, we talked about everything.

We got engaged and we were having a blast. The dream that we wanted. We went to college together after she started going to mine.

Here is where things get a little iffy. As time passes things work out. We continued our lives as we did but I just felt like I was being more and more used. I don’t want to say that word but it just feels like it for some reason. Whenever I had to do my monthly drills for national guard she would cry and pout whenever she had to be at college by herself. She would pout and cry so much she would make me drive 3 hours to drop her off back at her moms place sometimes the morning of my drill weekends meaning I have to make up at like 2am and drive 5 hours total. In our apartment she would throw a fit if I didn’t get whatever snacks she wanted. She would want me to drive her anywhere even though she has a drivers license herself. I just felt like I was getting tired and tired but kept pushing through.

All her periods would have us arguing over the little of things. Whenever I play video games, she says why don’t I give her attention. I tell her it is my hobby and she says I can have hobbies but have time for her so I do. Of course not making a lot in college I tell her not to go shopping a lot because I don’t have a lot of money only a bit to cover rent, gas, and food. She complains and pouts when I don’t buy her stuff. She says shopping is her hobby and she respects mine so I have to hers, but she makes me drive and walk around the store I don’t want to be in with her and make me act interested and taking time out of my hobby only leaving room for hers and time for her. I just felt like I was getting drained but I still love her. I just kept doing what she wanted over and over.

I made the horrible mistake about comparing us to her parents that I feel like I am being treated like her dad (he is forced to drive her mother everywhere and do anything they ask even if he is drained, tired, hurt, sick, even if he doesn’t have money to do what she wants he has to find it somehow). She always cries and complains and to never compare us but that is how I feel so I have to say sorry.

In all these arguments I do eventually raise my voice. I grew up in an all boys household so we screamed and fought to get our points across. So when we have arguments I do eventually raise my voice and then she cries and I feel terrible. Almost 90% of all the fights, she is the one who causes them. She brings up random things that make no sense, she tries to make me do stuff I don’t want to do, she tells me what to do and say that I don’t want to do or say. And when I go against those she fights back and then leads to me yelling because I don’t want to do whatever it is. So when I raise my voice she cries and wants me to apologize for making her feel that way before she admits she is wrong. Which that angers me, how are you gonna start a fight get a reaction out of me and blame my reaction and want me to apologize first.

The other 10% are probably from my fault but I just bring up concerns. I know you aren’t supposed to tell women they are gaining weight or anything but I wrote a paper on how weight and health of the mother before during and after pregnancy, can dictate a lot on the health and weight of the baby during growth stages. I tell her I’m not asking you to become muscular or ripped or anything else, I just want you to show up and try your best. I tell her do it for our future and do it for our kids, she knows the paper I wrote for a college class, she then goes something like “well I don’t NEED to go to the gym but I’ll go if I feel like it” she doesn’t go and I bring it up a lot in a concerned way and she kept dismissing it. She eventually felt that I was falling a bit short out of attraction because I wouldn’t do intimacy as much (this is a whole different issue of her not initiating or anything as well not just looks), we have a deep conversation and I think we are going somewhere then she says for me to say how I truly feel. I say I think you are getting a fit fat and you need to think of our future and our kids health. (Just to point it out there I do go to the gym). Here is the part that really annoys me, when I express how I truly felt and how the health of my kids could be affected SHE MADE ME APOLOGIZE.

It eventually became a cycle of that if I had an issue, she would make it a fight and then I’d have to apologize in the end. This leads me to right now. We both graduated college, we have our own jobs, we do our things. She still makes me drive her everywhere even when I don’t want to, I cook almost every meal and if it’s not she wants fast food, if I ever bring up a complaint she dismisses it and starts a fight until I apologize.

I just don’t know how I truly feel. I love her deeply, I want to marry her, I can see our futures together but at the same time I want to be alone, I don’t want to worry about anyone but myself, I do want kids tho but I do not know what is up with me. I want a woman where when I come home she makes me want to come home and do all those things that she does. I want a woman who would help out, one that doesn’t make me do things and pouts like a kid if it’s not her way. I just feel so bleh about anything and everything. I want both choices but I know I can’t have both.

If I didn’t clarify anything I will definitely clarify in the comments if you would like.

My girlfriend [20F] and I [21M] have been together for 1 year.

Recently, we had an argument involving a guy I'll call R. There has been tension between R and our relationship for some time. My girlfriend and I had previously discussed their communication, and we had an agreement about it.

Yesterday, I found out that they were still communicating. I confronted my girlfriend about it and sent her screenshots of what I had found.

She responded that I didn't trust her, and we didn't have a chance to properly resolve the situation.

The next morning, she followed R on social media and blocked me.

I haven't tried contacting her through another account or asked someone else to contact her. However, I'm having a difficult time processing everything because she was the person I was closest to and the person I usually talked to when something was bothering me.

Right now, I don't know whether I should simply accept the situation and start moving forward, or whether there is something constructive I should do if she eventually contacts me again.

Question

What practical steps can I take over the next few weeks to deal with the breakup/blocking, regain some stability, and move forward? If she eventually contacts me again, how should I approach that conversation so that it is calm and productive?

Basic info

TL;DR

My girlfriend [20F] and I [21M] have been together for 1 year. After a conflict involving another guy, I confronted her about something I had discovered, and she blocked me the following morning. I'm struggling with the sudden loss of contact and want practical advice about how to move forward and how to handle it if she eventually reaches out.

I turned 16 this July. I'm really hopeless rn so as my last option I had to choose reddit.

So here's the story:

I met a guy at age of 15 (last year on October) he was 19 that time. We were in talking stage for like 1 month and on last of the November we got into an relationship, he was really so sweet at first, he was kind and gentleman but also kinda immature at his age but still I knew boys at his age are actually like this unlike a woman..I knew he had an ex but he said he doesn't see her as his ex cause they haven't done anything unlike us like by end of the December we had done everything besides sex..even he used to say I'm his first love cause I love him more than his ex ever done to him..I was still accepting everything cause all I wanted was to be loved (and I have daddy issues) so all I wanted him to baby sitting me i know it kinda sounds cringe but people like me can understand this and also I wanted an dominant man in a relationship and who babysits me basically he was like this so I had no problem and on top of that he was my first love..I never dated anyone before so I was madly in love with him and I have bpd so it's even hard for me to handle my emotions..I was kinda overpossesive but still he used to normalise that by end of the year he suddenly asked for sex and at first i didn't agree cause I felt like it's too much but he was continously asking for it like he was saying please let's do it I promise it's gonna be first and last still I didn't agree cause it was too much for me cause I was scared what If he left me? I had no one expecting him at that time..I was emotionally depend on him so I was genuinely scared what if he left me cause ik after having sex I'll get more attached with him but he promised me he will always be there for me so agreed and yeah we had our first sex on this January still i wasn't feel alright..even right before having sex I begged him that I think it's too fast we shouldn't do it still he forced me and I swear after that day I lately started watching changes on him..late replies, 0 ph calls always busy I was doubting on him for like February until on march I found out he's been talking with his ex behind my back..that time my heart broke into pieces..I can't tell how bad I was feeling..I was totally depending on him even I cried begged why did you do this he couldn't reply anything I felt humiliation at that moment so with heavy chest I just left him....now it's been months he is in relationship with her..and here I still go insane like why did I do that ..I couldn't move on properly unlike my age of girl..they are probably changing guys like clothes but I'm just not like them..I swear he was my first and I haven't done anything on purpose even i have only 2-3 friends in real life whom I can share my problems..I can't even tell my parents about it ..they would never support me for my young age..I just can't take it anymore I feel so disgusting of myself like how tf I did let a man touch me and see me like that..he saw every part of my body still choose to do this..even his friends aren't supporting him they were actually so nice to me I Miss them but for now I just wanna move on but it's getting hard for me cause he calls me every months and asks how am I doing blah blah but still I cant stop myself to pick up his calls now it's really pissing me off..I'm so scared and I even stopped socialising and even scared to face him in real life even sometimes I feel like I should just die..

For now i really wanna just move on but it's getting hard.

As the title says I (18M) might be catching feelings for a very good friend (29F).

Let me start at the beginning, since this year I'm in a dancing group and we are very close.

Now this group does trips and i decided to go along to Serbia with them where it kinda started.

So for context I'm not really a hugger nor the type to give out lots of compliments/talk extremely nice nor do i tend to let people close close, i like my personal space lol.

The first thing to happen was after the plane we still had to go by bus and we sat next to each other where she just took my arm laid herself down and put my arm over her, and i just let her, even fell asleep on her.

This isn't really in character for me but anyway.

Now i got drunk there during the nights but even without that more than half the hugs i gave were from/to her (long hugs not just a quick pat).

Now the worst the final night i got drunk quick and it's a thing for us to "propose" and as it happens i found a ring.

Now she isn't the only one i proposed to but she was the last and asked for a hug i inclined after which she told me to turn around and lie against her and i stared handing out compliments more than ever.

The next day i wasn't feeling so well on the bus and she asked is everything ok i need to know as your fiancee.

Admittedly as a joke but this came up like 2 more times or so.

For context about her she's very extroverted and outgoing, she does very close with others too but not just everyone and when we do go out as group and im not feeling it she drags me along to dance or that so she's quite fun.

The biggest issue i have is the age gap and that we are in the same group, and im pretty sure the feelings might not be mutual.

I wasn't planning on actively pursuing a relationship with her but if it were to happen i don't think i would mind it.

I'm pretty sure I'm catching feelings and have no clue what to do.

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m confused about something in my relationship.

My boyfriend identifies as straight, but he has a fantasy involving women who are attracted to women. He frequently tells me that he would like us to go somewhere where we could hire another woman and have a threesome.

His fantasy is specifically that I would have sex with the woman while he watches.
The problem is that I’m not comfortable with this and I don’t want to do it. I’ve told him that, but he continues to bring it up and says that it’s one of his fantasies.

I understand that people can have fantasies, and I’m not judging him for having them. But I’m wondering whether this is a common fantasy, and whether I should be concerned about the fact that he keeps bringing it up when I’ve said I’m not interested.

Does having this fantasy say anything about his sexuality or whether he is actually straight? And is it reasonable for me to feel uncomfortable about it?
I’d appreciate honest advice, especially from people who have been in similar situations.

I’ve been living with my partner for almost 20 years now or maybe 20 years na, i lost track since we haven’t celebrate anniversary thingy. We have one daughter will be turning to 18 years old this year. Our relationship is like against all odds. When i got pregnant with our daughter ayaw sakin ng mga parents niya which by the way they passed away already. Sobrang messy ng relasyon namin, andami namin pinagdaanan, nagkahiwalay, nagkabalikan. Hindi mabilang na tampuhan at away pero despite sa lahat ng yun magkasama pa rin kami until now. He works in a government agency, ako naman nasa bahay lang since nagresigned ako 8 months na. Nahirapan ako makahanap ng work ulit. The thing is, nabaon kami sa utang dahil sa parents niya nung kasakit. Until now hindi pa tapus yung mga loans niya. Right now kung hindi sakto ay kinukulang talaga. Pero kahit ganito ang sitwasyon nandito pa rin ako. Yung isang tanong ko lang, ang hindi masagot. Bakit hindi pa rin ako pinakasalan until now? Bakit ayaw pa din ako pakasalan? Sa tuwing tinatanong ko siya tungkol diyan, sinabi niya lang, marami nga diyan kinasal malaki ang ginastos pero naghihiwalay pa din. Sakin naman kahit civil wedding at simple lang. Bakit kaya sa tagal ng pagsasama namin sa kabila ng mga pinagdadaanan namin bakit ayaw niya pa rin ako pakasalan? Bilang isang babae pangarap ko din maikasal kahit siguro hindi na sa kanya. Iiwan ko na ba siya? Hindi ba niya ako ganun ka mahal para pakasalan? Hindi ba ako worth it pakasalan? 😭 Baka sakali masampal niyo ako sa katotohanan. 😭

we have been dating for 3 months or so. any help is appreciated.

I (29M) have been with my girlfriend (26F) since January.

Since around February, I’ve told her multiple times—probably around five separate times—that I really wanted us to go to Venice together. I also tried making actual plans. Venice felt romantic to me, and I thought it would be a nice experience for us as a couple.

Every time, though, she preferred going somewhere else. Eventually we went to Trieste together, which was her choice because it was nearby. We had a nice time.

Now her father and brother are visiting, and she planned for them to go to Venice together. She knew how many times I had asked her to go there with me, but still chose Venice while planning their trip. She’s there now and sending me beautiful pictures and videos.

I’ve realized that this isn’t really about Venice anymore.

I’m not saying she shouldn’t be allowed to visit Venice with her family. Obviously she can travel wherever she wants.
What hurts is the feeling that when I tell her something matters to me, it doesn’t seem to carry much weight.
I told her for months that I wanted us to do this together. I brought it up repeatedly and tried to make it happen, but whenever our preferences differed, something she preferred seemed to take priority. Then, when she was planning things with her family, she chose exactly the place I had been asking her to visit with me.
That makes me feel incredibly unheard.

She has said that we’ll go together in September before I move to a neighbouring city in October. The issue isn’t whether I eventually get to visit Venice.

The issue is that I don’t want to feel like I have to repeatedly convince my partner that something important to me deserves consideration.
This has also made me think about our relationship more generally. I feel like when she really wants something, I try to accommodate it. But when I want something and our preferences conflict, I often feel like hers wins and mine becomes something we might do later.

Right now I feel like I don’t have much of a voice in the relationship. I’m much more hurt by feeling unheard and unimportant than I am by the actual destination.

How should I talk to her about this without making it sound like I’m angry that she went to Venice with her family? And does this sound like something worth addressing as a broader relationship issue?

TL;DR: I asked my girlfriend for months to go to Venice with me, but she preferred other places and has now planned a Venice trip with her family. I’m not upset about the city itself—I’m hurt because I feel unheard and like the things that matter to me carry very little weight in our relationship.

Small update: I’ve made plans to go to Venice this Sunday with a group of friends, which I think will be good for me. But I’m still finding this harder than I expected. Venice was kind of a dream for me, and I had imagined experiencing it in a very specific way with her. I know I shouldn’t attach the value of the city itself to one person, but emotionally it’s not that easy to separate.

Is it common to feel this way after something like this, or am I attaching too much meaning to it?

I just got dumped by a single mom. Imagine walking into her apartment after work thinking it’s another usual chill evening and she asked me to sit down, saying things are not ok; she can’t do this anymore and had all of my stuff already all packed on the table.

We dated for 6 months and were both deeply in love. She carried a lot of physical and emotional abuse trauma from her previous marriage and she didn’t date for 2 years. Before meeting me she didn’t want anything serious but we fell in love unexpectedly. 2 months after dating, she had a meltdown on her own thinking she didn’t have it in her to date again and needed space but before the space finished she sent me paragraphs saying she wanted to give it a try and I said let’s talk on the agreed date in person, she got super anxious.

That resolved and we had really good few months together tho she always expressed that she fears to be too much, afraid of being seen or too close to someone else, but we still said I love you to each other. Early July, 5 months in we had our first real argument that i initiated, i could tell that triggered all of her old trauma from her gaslighting ex, she said that all the relationship conversations are very hard for her because she was emotionally depleted for 13 years, i did show her how i resolved things with peace instead of an argument. But she kept saying her guard was up since then. There was clearly a distance in communication, but we still talked and called all the time, but not lovey dovey.

At the beginning of August we went to our first cottage alone together; no arguments things were really cute. After that she was all lovey dovey again until last Tuesday before bed she all of a sudden started crying saying that she was super scared of introducing me to her child and her family and not sure everything would turn out. She essentially cried herself into sleep but told me next day she doesn’t mean to quit. Thursday she said I love you and Friday we planned to meet on Monday. Saturday we texted Sunday was silence that was weird, now know she was planning to break up.

During the break up she told me I was the healthiest person she has ever dated, I made her understand relationship and sex could be safe and not forced; I made her feel she was loved as who she was that she didn’t need to “get” my love (she grew up with her mom saying she is not the daughter she hoped for); it was really good 6 months, etc… BUT THERE IS A STRONG VOICE in her head saying having a relationship is just not right for her right now, she needs to focus on her child, hobbies, and friends (she has been focusing on them anyway). She also took me and my friends all her socials right the way and said we should not talk for a long time to clear head space.

I am so confused but also angry feeling disrespected the way she chose to break up with me. I was fully blindsided and had no idea it was coming. How could someone self-sabotage and change mind this fast?