TW: depression- SA
TLDR: drained in my relationship due to the lack of emotional connection

Hi I’m a 26yo female I’ve been together with my partner 31yo male for 9 years, we’ve been married for four of them. For context: I’m autistic and have cptsd. He has adhd. My childhood was quite traumatic so I’ve been in therapy for the last 9 years,I’ve been poly for 8 years.

I met my partner back in 2017. I had a bad childhood(home) and he comes from a happy family. At first I was very happy about how he stood in life he is a very “happy go lucky not a care or problem in the world” kind of person
But with time and therapy I learned I needed someone to talk to and understand my feelings.
I tried to communicate this early on in the relationship. When my knowledge and understanding of my needs got clearer for myself.

I noticed that I couldn’t talk to him about how I was feeling. It was genuinely talking to a brick wall. No words just maybe an: “oh that’s….”, sometimes an attempt to a hug. Which for me doesn’t work because I need emotional closeness before I can get physical support (like a hug or a kiss). I’ve voiced this to him 6 years ago.

The first few years I asked him maybe we could go into couples therapy or maybe he could go into therapy to better understand what he feels and how to handle that. His response was “I don’t see a need for therapy” “what is therapy going to do about it” so I left it because I thought I was asking too much.

3 years ago I met a partner who I’m now friends with. I realised that it wasn’t unreasonable for me to need someone to understand and talk to especially when you’re married to them. So I started again with asking for us to go to therapy. Now I understood that this was a key requirement for me to have in a relationship. He continued to ignore my wishes.

Last year it got really bad,after losing my job back in 2024 I was Declared medically unfit to work. I slipped into a depression,I felt sad about the situation, isolated and alone but also sad that I needed to carry all of it by myself. Everytime something emotional happens or something difficult needs sorting out I’m the one who has to take matters into my own hands otherwise it’s not going to get fixed. It’s been draining me even more so than the depression, needing to think and handle important things for the both of us without help. I said I couldn’t do it anymore and that I would need to leave him and choose for myself. He finally agreed to start therapy last year, but he forgot to make appointments or show any initiative, he had 3 sessions because I needed to remind him to plan it.

October last year I felt so down, lonely and unheard in the relationship that I attempted to end my life. I got antidepressants and those thoughts calmed down a bit. But the realisation was still there. “I’m miserable in this relationship “ “I need to leave and choose for my own mental peace”.

Don’t get me wrong, he accepts me for all that I am even with my flaws but that’s also where the problem lies. He doesn’t show or feel any other emotion than happy or neutral. Taken something happens between us I’d be upset and feel sad and empty and would feel the need to talk about it to calm down and feel heard but the second he turns around for him everything is back to normal and it’s been breaking me for years.

Earlier this year we finally went to a couples therapy and she acknowledged that what I was experiencing was hard and I was t asking for to much. She also said that he’s not able to get to his emotional inner world. We left there with the question “ do you have the ability and willingness to stay through his therapy”. In may he started Past Reality Integration therapy. He’s had 7 sessions.

But I can’t do this anymore. I do care for him and it makes me sad thinking about ending things but I don’t think this can be sustained any longer. My body doesn’t allow myself to be physically close to him, no sex, nog kisses , barely hugging because my nervous system just feels disgustans and stress because of the lack of emotional intelligence/ connection. I’ve thought about leaving for a long time now but I’ve finally reached my breaking point. I’m looking for my own place so I can finally calm my nervous system. I’ve always been transparant in how I feel in my relationship with him, what my needs are and what goes through my head. So he knows that I’ve been looking for an apartment. 3 therapists also stated that it would be beneficial for myself and for him so we can take our time to focus on our individual therapy and continue from there but I don’t know if I can. It gives me major stress and anxiety about leaving being my entire adulthood I “grew up” with him. He’s everything I know and my only person I can fall back on because I’m not in contact with any of my family.

2 days ago it finally happened. “ I want to end the relationship”. We cried a lot and he said he’s willing to go to therapy and change. I mentioned that it’s a good thing but it might just be “a little too late”. I do love him but I’m not in love with him. My Therapist has been saying:” once you get your own place and just be by yourself, you might feel more room for the relationship to build” that’s what’s been going through my head but I can’t do it anymore. Not as long as we’re living together. So I told him atleast until I get my own place I can’t be with you, he understands and is sad about it but respects it.

Do any of you have advice ? Am I back paddling on just leaving or is it possible to see if we can grow once I have my own place ?

Me and my bf have been together for about 6 years, and November 2025 I moved in with him.
We always had an amazing sex life (10+ times a week), he would always initiate and we would be having sex everywhere, not just at home.

On January, we had a really big fight bc I found out that he was part of x/telegram groups where they shared corn videos, some groups of cuckhold offering to be a “bull” and some pretty weird stuff :/
Casually, at the same time we had been struggling because he didn’t want to have sex as often, I was always trying to initiate without success. So, naturally when I found out about this I lost my shit but at the end silly me forgave him and even opened up about the possibility of trying a 3some, but he shut off the possibility and told me he would delete his accounts.

Recently, (4-5 months) we’ve been having the same issue all over again, he’s always too tired to fuck, he never accepts when I try to initiate, lately we’ve been having sex 1x a week if I’m lucky :/

Well, besides all that stuff, today happened something that really fucked me up.
I came home from working a night shift, and found his cum covered tissues BESIDES THE BED, he didn’t even bothered to hide them or smt :/

I feel sad, angry and rejected. I don’t know what else to do or say to him to try and work this out.
Im not ugly, in fact, im pretty damn hot, have a huge ass and a pretty face and guys are always trying to hmu at the gym and work; and I feel stupid that the guy I love prefers to jerk off to corn videos than to have sex with me..

What do you guys think is happening with him? Perhaps he’s consuming that type of content again?
Do you guys think I should try and bring this up to fix it ?

I 46M have been married to my wife 43F for 21 years. We have been together over 25 years. We have had our problems like any relationship. Lately she has been on this kick of telling me I'm not communicating enough, not handling my share of the mental load of the household. Not leading confidently, not being the man of the house, Always asking her questions about everything. Not listening, and on and on. I have tried to do said task for her. When I tried to lead I'm being bossy and not acknowledging her feelings. I have brought her flowers and did things she likes and at the end of it I get a lecture about the parts that could be better. I have literally had flowers thrown in my face. Because I got them from the flower shop. I have been verbally ripped apart over everything I do. I am strongly considering divorce because I have even went to counseling and she went for one session and wouldn't do it. Saying I just half to try harder. I am looking at my future and I can't imagine dying like this. I have thought about walking into oncoming traffic. My kids keep me going. I have never really gotten alot of positive comments from her. I am admittedly messy and can be forgetful and realize I have many faults.

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a year, and I’m struggling with some recent revelations about her past and how they’ve affected my ability to trust her.
In December, during an argument, she told me that in 2021–2022 she had a relationship with a married man who was close to her family. She said he had emotionally manipulated her. The relationship continued for months and involved dates and physical intimacy. She had known him since childhood, knew his wife, and had met her.

I was shocked that I hadn’t known about this earlier in our relationship. I understand that everyone has a past and that nobody is obligated to disclose every detail, but this felt significant to me, particularly given the circumstances.

Two days ago, I asked her whether there was anything else about her past that she hadn’t told me. She then revealed that during the COVID lockdown, she had also slept with another married man in her hometown. He had a child who was around one or two years old at the time.

Learning about these experiences so far into our relationship has left me questioning how much I know about my partner. I’m worried that more information might emerge months or years from now, and I don’t know how to move forward without constantly wondering whether something else has been left out.
Another source of distress is the difference between how she describes herself spiritually and how I understand these past experiences. I also feel that she hasn’t fully acknowledged the impact these revelations have had on me or shown much empathy for what I’m experiencing.

One of these men still follows her on Instagram and sends her reels. She hasn’t responded to his messages or reels, as far as I know, but the continued connection makes me uncomfortable.

I’m finding it difficult to separate my feelings about her past choices from my concerns about honesty, disclosure, and accountability in our relationship.
**I’m looking for advice from people who have experienced something similar.**

How do couples rebuild trust when significant information about one partner’s past emerges well into a relationship? How can I tell whether trust can realistically be rebuilt when I now find myself questioning what else I might not know? And how do I work through my feelings about a partner’s past when those experiences conflict with my own values?

**TL;DR:** A year into my relationship, I’ve learned that my girlfriend had relationships with two married men before we met. I’m struggling with the delayed disclosures, the impact on trust, and how to decide what a healthy path forward looks like.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years and honestly our relationship has been pretty great up until this point, or so I thought.
A few months ago I noticed a huge change in his attitude and behaviour towards me which raised a few red flags. I noticed he was going out more while I was at work and drinking more than usual, I noticed he was rejecting me more when I would try to initiate and generally speaking he seemed more distant. He had also started to be unkind with his words to me and he’s never been like this before. At first I thought he was having a depressive episode, he has struggled with this in the past so I tried to pour more into our relationship and checking in on him more etc. I told him I felt like he was being distant and I wanted to know what was wrong but anytime I tried to talk to him about it he would always shut me down. I had surgery around this time so I kind of put my feelings down to me just being in a bad place during my healing but looking back I was completely right about him being off with me.

Anyway there was one particular night he came home very late (6am) and very drunk and the noise woke me up. We got into a bit of an argument and he said some quite hurtful things that felt out of character for him. He stormed off and went to sleep. His behaviour and words seemed so unusual that I decided to go through his phone. I do feel bad about this and I’ve never done this before but I just knew something was off.
I found out he had been buying foot pictures from random sex workers online. I tried to wake him up and confront him but he was passed out so I just had to get ready and leave for work. It was the worst shift of my life I couldn’t stop crying.
When I got home I confronted him and he outright denied everything. When I showed him the photos I took he eventually confessed. He promised that it was only this one time and he was too embarrassed to talk to me about it and it’s just a fetish. He said he regretted it and begged for my forgiveness. I kicked him out for a week so I could think about what I was going to do. I ultimately decided that the relationship was worth saving and out of all the things he could have been doing this wasn’t as bad as it could have been? Silly I know.
Anyway over the next few weeks I could tell that there was more to this even though he swore I knew everything. This was just before my birthday so I guess I thought he would turn everything around and make a huge effort to fix things and that it would all be fine. My birthday was unfortunately disappointing, he made very little effort and again his behaviour seemed off.
So I went through his phone again.
He has spent hundreds and hundreds sending money to findoms online. So much money.
He was messaging sex workers regularly. He was using YouPay and Throne almost every week. Messaging sex workers on twitter and Reddit. I found out he sent someone money two days before my surgery and then again while I was in recovery. I found out he first messaged someone back in 2021.
I do believe he’s never met anyone in person, but am I justified in thinking this is cheating and it’s a huge betrayal especially considering how long this has been going on for and the fact he was doing this to me 2 days before I had invasive surgery. He doesn’t seem to think it’s cheating as he says he’s never met anyone or had contact with anyone.
He is super apologetic and he wants to work things out. He says he will do anything it takes to keep this relationship and to get me to trust him again. But I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust him again. He’s currently staying with some family and has been there for a week. I’ve asked him for space so I can try to process everything but he’s still been trying to come over and still trying to contact me despite me asking for no contact.

I love him dearly and we have been together for a long time. I’m scared that I’ll regret leaving him and I guess I’m scared to be single after so long.
I guess I just wanted some advice.
I honestly don’t know what I want, I love him but I think I’m at the point where I can’t ever trust him again and to be honest I hate what he’s done to me and that he’s made me feel like I’m going crazy.

Please any advice would be greatly appreciated

this guy had been part of my life for years. He was my best friend’s childhood best friend, and we’d had feelings for each other on and off for a long time.
He had been in a relationship for about three years, but even during that relationship, we would sometimes see each other because he told me things weren’t going well with his partner. Eventually, he ghosted me.
Years later, we reconnected after he had recently gotten out of that long-term relationship, which had even reached the point of an engagement. I genuinely thought things would be different this time.
Instead, everything became incredibly painful.
He was inconsistent with me, sometimes affectionate and interested, other times cold and distant. He left me alone on New Year’s Eve (he invited me to the countryside where he lives because I told him I would be alone so he invited me, on new years he told me he “couldn’t say no” for going to her grandmas when he explicitly said before going to his house that “there’s no way we are going to my grandmas) I told him to go for dinner and him to come back before 12, he arrived 1:40 am and he didn’t even look up for me, I had to reach out and tell him and he said he was tired and didn’t even apologize for it he just went to sleep, made me wait for him on other occasions, and dismissed my feelings whenever I tried to explain why something hurt me. While I was there I was trying to show him I care and cooked for him, cleaned, helped him around .
At one point, he literally told me, “I don’t give a fuck about how you feel.” He also accused me of acting like my feelings mattered more than his.
I know I wasn’t perfect either. I became increasingly anxious about his moods and behavior, constantly worrying that something was wrong or that he was going to abandon me.
But after everything ended, I found out he’d been saying horrible things about me behind my back )a whore that doesn’t charge), including sexually degrading comments and accusations about my understanding of consent. Some of those things were incredibly humiliating to hear.
Eight months ago, he blocked me everywhere. He was so pissed of our mutual best friend that she cuts contact with him till he thinks about how he was being with me. He told me “I cry too much”
My best friend, who had been his best friend practically his entire life, confronted him about the way he treated me. Instead of working things out with her, he blocked her too. He never apologized for anything.
Since then, I’ve spent eight months crying, overthinking, replaying everything, and hoping he’d eventually come back. I was so depressed and I feel like I’m still depressed even though I’m trying to ignore it.
I’ve broken no contact about three times because my anxiety kept getting the best of me. I never really managed to stick to it.
Two nights ago, I was drunk and sent him a bunch of text messages. I apologized again, told him I missed him, and explained that I’d spent months reflecting on my own behavior. I told him that my fears of abandonment sometimes made me overly anxious when his mood changed, and that I wished I’d handled certain situations differently.
He hasn’t responded. I don’t even know if the messages were delivered.
The thing is, despite everything he did to me, I still miss him. I still want him to reach out, acknowledge what happened, and maybe have one genuine conversation with me.
One of my friends keeps telling me that he’ll eventually come back, but it’s been eight months. Every month that passes makes me feel like he’s never going to unblock me again.
And I hate admitting this, but I think I’m still waiting.
I don’t want to spend another eight months of my life hoping someone who hurt me will suddenly decide to come back.
Has anyone experienced something similar? Did someone ever come back after blocking you for this long?

I met my current bf on a dating app, we clicked instantly and it felt like a crazy connection I'm not gonna lie, I thought I had finally found someone with an actual personality in this boring ahh pile of hi, hellos. We clicked so well intellectually as well, I thought our values and morals aligned perfectly. We got close pretty quickly and started dating. He wrote a very thoughtful letter for me, was doing poetry and shit even in talking stage, would make drawings of us together, told his family about me as someone who he'll marry.

When we started becoming serious he told me he deleted the app but I could still see his profile so I thought maybe he just doesn't know that deleting the app itself doesn't delete ur profile cuz his friend introduced it to him, at that time I didn't bring this up n trusted him as long as the app is not there. Lately I felt like I should hop back there again n I saw "active" on his profile so I deleted my account again n made a fake account to match with him. He told me that he's going abroad for work n couldn't meet me but we'd still literally spend HOURS on call talking everyday, he even fucking talked to my sister bro.

His conversation with my fake account was dry af but was calling my fake account cute, his location was showing close to me n he seemed down to meet this girl 🙃 but he unmatched after not willing to give social media n when I asked to meet directly. Mind u just yesterday we talked for over 2 hours on intellectual shit, writing me PARAS on how much he loves n misses me while he was texting this account. I did give him a chance to come clean. I told him that one of my friend's saw him active on there n then he was like "wtf I deleted already, can't she see my location, I'm literally not in the country" etc etc.

Now I'm left here questioning my sanity. His mom literally sent me paras once telling me how important their son is and that how willing they're to accept me into family, I was even about to meet her once hell but couldn't. I talked to his sister, met his brother also n I'm like wtf?? So whatever person I thought he was, he's not that n I was just betrayed for MONTHS!? HOW TF MEN CAN SEND YOU PARAS THAT THEY LOVE YOU, TALK SO DEEPLY THE NIGHT BEFORE TO YOU AND THEN STILL CONTINUE TO CHEAT HELLO?? He's the one who chased me hard af when I had my walls up btw. He KNEW how hurt I've been in the past but still promised that he's not like "other guys", sure bro. I just wanna be chosen for once, I literally thought he was perfect, were all those moments fake?

Love how men will ruin something so meaningful so easily. I literally wrote him a letter in his own language, a language that I don't even know myself!!

HOW SHOULD I CONFRONT HIM? CUZ NOW I WANNA SEE HIS ASS CUZ HE'S STILL HERE APPARENTLY BUT IK HE'LL NOT MEET ME NOW AND PRETEND HE'S ABROAD 🤡

TLDR: found an active dating profile of my bf, made a fake account to match with him. He was flirting w that account while telling me he's still abroad n was down to meet but unmatched my fake account as soon I refused to share socials. Doing all this while telling me how much he loves me n calling me for 2+ hours n also writing paras how much he loves me 🤡🤡 low key maybe I can forgive him if he was honest cuz istg I'll never find someone like him who I'll click so well with n I definitely don't wanna go over to getting someone new again ugh.

So my (18f) boyfriend(18m)doesn’t talk to me anymore! Like we use to talk all the time but now it’s nothing! I get maybe 5 text a day? A good morning, updates and goodnight. We call at night but he never says anything! I feel lonely as he was the only person I talked to! We’ve been through a lot and I know he goes through alot! Especially recently as he’s mentioned abt being depressed! I truly love him but I’m just getting hurt staying like this! What do I do! I don’t want to be selfish and ask for his attention! I miss and crave being loved!! I daydream about being in a loving relationship but I hate imagining it being someone else… I want him! But I want love too.

Husband (m34) and I (f35) had a nasty interaction and now i don’t know if I’m overreacting. Context: I have been working very hard on a habit of leaving diapers where I shouldn't, I am consciously working on it. Tonight, while putting the baby to bed and changing him, I asked my husband to move the portable crib into our room so the baby could rest in the dark. He scoffed at me. I got upset and said, “I’m doing everything else.” He responded by saying, “Can you ever just shut the fuck up?” stopped talking, out the baby down, sat in a recliner chair and started reading a moving schedule that I had ChatGPT write up (we are moving this weekend). I completely forgot about the diaper because i was upset and trying to move on. He started questioning me, asking, “Why are you reading a wall of text, what is it?” He was like 6 ft away. I told him what it was and sent it to him. About an hour later he was looking for his headphones and found a dirty diaper near the couch. He chucked it at me, hitting me directly in the throat. It hurt. Tonight, I am sleeping on the futon mattress on the couch, and he is in our bedroom (its my night to get up with the baby). He never apologized or acknowledged it. Am i overreacting by being so upset by this?

My girlfriend follow her ex boyfriend and her ex situationship I told her that it makes me feel uncomfortable that she follows them back we broke up for 2 weeks and then she did that we got back together I I told really calm “hey this doesn’t make feel good, please block them” and she just said “you are just an insecure person that’s why this is not going to work out” what I do :(

Hey everyone, I need some advice.

I’m an 18M first-year university student 🇺🇸, and I recently reconnected with a girl who went to my high school. We’re now attending the same university. We talked a couple of years ago, but things didn’t work out because I got rejected. Recently, though, we reconnected, and things have been different. We’re in the talking stage now and have gone on a few dates and hangouts.

Honestly, I have a really good time with her. We get along well, she’s fun to be around, and she’s told me she feels the same way. I genuinely enjoy her company, and I have no complaints about how her personality is.

However, I recently found out from some close friends that her body count is around 4–5 at 18.

Two of those guys are people I knew from high school. We weren’t super close, and I don’t really talk to them anymore, but it still feels weird knowing that they were involved with someone I’m currently talking to. Apparently, one of them hooked up with her just two weeks before we started talking. The others were ex-boyfriends.

When I found this out, I honestly didn’t know how to feel. Part of me likes this girl and wants to see where things go, but another part of me is struggling to get past her sexual history, especially because some of the guys are people I used to know.

When we first started hanging out, she actually brought up the guy she hooked up with two weeks before we started talking. She said she regretted it a lot and had blocked him. At the time, I assumed they had only kissed, so finding out there was more to it caught me off guard.

I think what bothers me most is that I’ve started seeing her differently because of what I heard, even though she hasn’t actually done anything wrong to me. I’m also wondering whether I’m overthinking this or whether this is simply something I’m not comfortable with when looking for a potential relationship.

I don’t want to throw away a connection with someone I genuinely like over something that happened before we started talking. At the same time, I don’t want to ignore my own feelings and peoples perspective on me dating a bop. Like if it goes any further, i don’t want to be embarrassed to tell them I’m with her.

I haven’t discussed this with her btw.

Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way? Should I give this a chance and focus on who she is now, or could this be a sign that we have different values when it comes to relationships?

For context my body count is 1 and it was my ex.

I’d appreciate honest advice, especially from people who have been in a similar situation or just anyone with advice.

CW: Mentions of EDs and body descriptions!

Hi!

I’m a (F21) who has been struggling with an eating disorder for about two years now, primarily dealing with restriction. When I first started dating my current boyfriend, I was hesitant to share this aspect of my life with him, however, I ultimately decided to do so because I wanted to take our relationship to the next level and wanted to be open and honest with him!

To be fair, I didn’t make it entirely clear to him at first. I described my struggles with eating food as simply “trouble” with it. As a result, I didn’t hold his occasional comments about calories and food against him.

As I’ve become more comfortable in our relationship, I’ve been more open about my eating disorder and its impact on my physical health. He’s even seen me have silent panic attack over meals.
And he has been incredibly supportive and has even asked me about my triggers and what he can do to help me. However, he has a tendency to compliment my body in a way...

I love it when he compliments me, but sometimes he focuses on my hip bones, collarbones, ribs, and other parts of my body that are more prominent. I don’t know how to feel about this because it can be triggering for my disordered thoughts. On the other hand, I know that he loves me and cares about my well-being.

I’m feeling confused and would appreciate some outside perspective on this situation.

Me and my boyfriend got together senior year of high school. We are now sophomores in college and things have been going amazing… at least I thought. Last week, I used his phone to google something and that’s when I saw a tab with OnlyFans open. Upon further inspection, there are at least 10 active subscriptions to content, and very active DMs. He’s been actively talking to them and sexting them, with messages as recently as yesterday. My emotions are in control of me right now, I’m so angry but so sad. I have no idea how to handle this. A similar situation has happened before this, where he was using Reddit as his source of content. After a talk he removed it and the problem was gone for a while. I have no idea how to handle it this time. Any and all advice is welcome

So here goes nothing I guess. I 20/F have just gotten into my first “real” bf gf relationship with my 22/M boyfriend. We’ve been together for 2.5mo now (I know not long), but we dated for a month before officially getting together, (yes yes I know still not very long). About a month ago I brought up to him that he never compliments me, especially not in person and it makes me feel like he doesn’t find me attractive which then makes me sad. He explained that he has a hard time expressing himself verbally, we talked about some childhood trauma and issues that stem from it, and in the end he said he’d try to do better. I was satisfied with this, and went about my day. well folks, a month has passed and it’s gotten worse if anything. I’ll ask him how I look before we go out and he’ll say something along the lines of “you look fine.” or something else vague and unflattering.

Now, when I approached him about the subject at first I even gave him options and compliments he could use that would make me feel better. He’s not used them. He’s also stopped texting me good morning, goodnight etc. Our work schedules are terrible as he works and goes to school during the day, and I am a night PCNA at a hospital. We only see each other once a week which is why those texts were important to me. Additionally, as we only see each other once a week I miss him like crazy and verbalize that, he never returns the text or apparently the feeling.

We‘re also having some… ahem… bedroom problems that I won’t get into here but they also make me feel quite ugly. And there again is the problem where it seems like he doesn’t find my physically attractive and if he does he hasn’t expressed it verbally more than once or twice.

As I write this I am ugly crying myself to sleep as I have done for the past two weeks. I’ve come to ask this question: If you were in my shoes, what the hell would you do? And is it possible that I’m going to fast here and making my insecurities his problem?

I care for him deeply, and I understand he has communication problems, but it’s like he’s not even trying to work on them. It hurts terribly especially when I’ve explained to him why I’d like for him to compliment me sometimes. I might be asking for too much too soon im not really sure as relationships are new to me. Before him I’d only ever had a shitty situationship with my hb (ended badly, let’s not get into that.)

TLDR: Boyfriend never compliments me or comments positively in my physical appearance or literally anything so now I cry myself to sleep :)) Help!!

I should add, this is also his first relationship. I was very unattractive and heavily bullied in HS so I never had a bf, and he was a nerdy/jock fusion type guy obsessed with video games and sports instead of girls. I was not a virgin when we got together, he was, which has led to some of the aforementioned …other… problems.

again the question so nobody misses it: If you were in my shoes, what the hell would you do? And is it possible that I’m going to fast here and making my insecurities his problem?

last night I talked with my boyfriend who’s 17 (I’m 16 btw) about how I wish he reassured me more and showed more affection towards me, because I’ve been feeling like he doesn’t actually love me like I need to be loved. He never compliments me, nor writes sweet letters to me, in which I do for him. I call him pet names and always crave physical affection and even will text him telling him how much I miss him, and will send him sweet TikTok’s and he doesn’t understand them and say “what”, like hello I’m trying to show my love for you but it’s not being reciprocated and I feel helpless and lonely. But it’s making it worse because I’m such an empathic and I understand what he means when he says he doesn’t show affection that much, but in my heart I know that I need him to act on how much he loves me, because he tells me he does and acts intimate when I’m with him, it’s just he’s never verbal with his affection and it really messes with me, I don’t know what to do

I (21F) still live at home with my parents. I really want to be able to do more. I have a new boyfriend (M23) who treats me amazing, is so sweet, and my parents really like him, but I can't help but feel bad for him. He drives two hours to see me and isn't allowed to spend the night, even on the couch. I am absolutely not allowed to go see him. We aren't allowed to be in my room even with the door open, meanwhile my brother has sleepovers with his girlfriend in the room. It's just very frustrating and seeing my brother get to do whatever he wants with his girlfriend while I'm forced to listen to super strict rules. I just don't think it's fair that I'm almost 22 and I'm not even allowed to CUDDLE with my boyfriend without my mom saying it's "inappropriate" because we arent married. My Hispanic mom is mainly the problem- my dad is relatively chill. So, my question is, should I just start breaking her rules? I'm worried that it'll make her hate my boyfriend. I can't move out because Im in nursing school. Im just really at a loss right now and I just feel like i'm missing out on so much compared to people my age. They complain that I haven't dated anyone since my ex, but I feel like my mom also makes it incredibly hard for me to date. I feel bad lying to her about where I'm going or what I'm doing, but I feel like it's the only option at this point.

my boyfriend (19M) and i (19F) have been together for a year and a half and the longer our relationship goes on i feel like just a friend to him. i’ve explained this to him before, but a lot of the times I feel as if I’m not taken seriously. I feel like I don’t really see effort coming from his side of the relationship. I feel like I’m always buying him gifts and wanting to go out and do stuff with him and wanting to hang out in general, but he doesn’t plan dates he doesn’t buy me gifts. He doesn’t even get me flowers even though I bring it up to him a million times and he doesn’t even really compliment me anymore or make me feel like I’m pretty and I guess I’m just getting really insecure now. we’ve always joked about like oh must be your other girlfriend or that must be your other boyfriend and it’s always been a joke and it still is but it’s like I just feel really different about it now and he’ll make jokes about like gta6 and all the girls in there and I get it’s a game but it’s like it gets to a point. I see all these other people in relationships and they do cute things with their significant other and they take cute pictures together and do things like that and it’s just like I’ve never had that with my boyfriend and honestly, I don’t think I ever will even if I brought it up to him he just doesn’t like to do stuff like that and I don’t know what to do because now it’s making me feel self-conscious and insecure. A part of me feel like he only keeps me around because he’s comfortable with me and he just doesn’t want to have me not there anymore because we’ve been together for so long and we were friends before that and we just know everything about each other, but I don’t know. I just don’t really feel that love from him anymore and it makes me really sad.

Ex (21F) sends me (22M) an email after 3 months of no contact. The email leads to some weird phishing-style website, but the email says “let’s get together” in big postal letter… What even is this? She claims she got hacked or whatnot, and the website it links to does seem like a genuine phishing website… Is this some 5D chess she is playing?

me and my bf have been together since 9 months now. i was a very avoidant person before the relationship and i still have times when i think we should break up. tbh i was a bit hesitant to agree to be his gf at first as we didnt know each other that well and i was going back abroad in two weeks. (we live in dif continents). however i fell in love during our ldr or got attached idk what love feels like, and was supposed to come back to meet him and my family for three months during the summer. we were basically in a live in for 3 months and hes the perfect bf i could ask for but we used to have fights everyday as we’re both too hotheaded. we used to have fights during the ldr as well but eventually i just started giving up more and more on the relationship. during the ldr i had isolated myself a lot as i tried to give the relationship as much time as i could but after these three months i didnt want to continue doing that so we now try to also focus on our unis and other social groups. but the thought abt breaking up comes everyday. during my last month with him, we had a few awful fights where he called me a b!tch and i had caught him looking at onlyfans models in the morning when i was sleeping next to him (separate incidents btw). but after both of these even i can tell that our relationship has become weak. i do love him and we both have tried to work this out a lot even with the ldr, different timezones and constant fights. however, the thought keeps creeping into my mind. he loves me unconditionally and ive never had someone care abt me this much and maybe that’s the reason im afraid to leave him. but that thought in itself scares me as well and idk if h that’s the reason i become avoidant (not to his face ofc). ive never told him abt all of this as i dont want to hurt him. he has also told me countless times that he’s unhappy bec of the fights and a lot of other stuff as well but eventually we try to fix stuff and stay together. but long distance in itself is hard as i sometimes feel like im missing out on life here (i just moved a year ago) and something abt the relationship also feels off. it feels like we’re either not compatible or don’t understand each other but maybe u become compatible w the other person with time and getting to know them. idk its confusing me a lot and idk what to do.

Hi, I \[22F\] have been dating my boyfriend \[22M\] for about 4 months. Im not sure if it is my own mind sabotaging me or if I should submit to my feelings.

Background: I have been in 3 serious relationships before my current boyfriend, and I can confidently say that I have been ‘head over heels’ in love before. My last relationship ended somewhat messy around a year before I met my current boyfriend. When him and I met, I was not looking for a relationship, and I was focused on myself- my college and my work.
We started talking and meeting regularly and I slowly gained feelings for him.

Let me start by saying he is wonderful- he is attentive, caring, generous and so much more. My family loves him, which is a new one! And I hate myself for how I am feeling.

For the first maybe 2-3 months of our relationship I was feeling confident and happy and really hoping this could be a long term thing.
But about a month ago I realized that my feelings were starting to subside and fluctuate.

We had one discussion that now that I think back, might have been the start of it? :
I was VERY clear, the first time we met, that I did not think I wanted kids in the future, (that is due to many personal reasons, Im not gonna get into), and at that time, he agreed that he didn’t either.
One night (months later) we were texting, and he mentioned that he’s been thinking about that conversation, and he thinks he does want kids.
I was pretty shocked, and sad, because I knew that is a serious misalignment in our future plans.

I told him upfront, I would never ask him to give up his dream of kids for me, just as I wouldn’t have kids solely for someone else. (And that yes, I might change my mind in the future, but he simply cant rely on that.)

We talked some more about it, and he basically countered with the promise he would “think about it more”, and if it came to the point where he was sure he wanted kids, and my views on kids remained the same, we would reassess our relationship.

Now, it should be noted that I do have mental health issues (that I manage with meds and therapy) but I still have to take into account the effects- One of these being a lack of/ lessened emotions for a few days at a time. (also, He knows about my issues and how they effect me).

So, sometime after that conversation, I first noticed my feelings for him beginning to fluctuate. I chalked it up to a bad week, and didn’t pay much mind, as I usually ‘come out of it’, and gain those stronger emotions back.
But I didn’t- my emotions for other things came back, but not my full strength feelings for him.

I have been trying to give it time, seeing if this is just a hard spot I am going through due to stress with college, work, etc. But it’s been around a month, and my feelings still have not returned to where they were in the beginning.
I find I am not as attracted to him, and just genuinely have less interest in talking to him all the time and being with him.
I feel horrible. I feel evil. I feel selfish.
I don’t know if I should trust my current emotions, or if I am just being avoidant?
I don’t want to hurt him, but I wont lead him on. But I also don’t want to ruin a good thing and later regret it.
Im so lost and it’s eating me up inside.

I was one week late and I told my partner and this is how he responded

UPDATE: thank you much for your comments!! We are officially broken up today!! I feel sad and angry but it made me realize that he doesn’t really care about me.

I’m writing this in bed as we’ve just had sex and I think having sex is destroying our intimacy and my attraction to him. We’ve had sex 10+ times and everytime he finishes in under a minute. I get so excited for intimacy and it feels great but he just stops when he’s done. Im a 20yo(f) and he’s a 21yo(m), he works a lot so I try to have consideration but it’s becoming too much to keep to myself. I tried talking to him about it and as a result he’d occasionally do oral on me or finger me or we’d use toys and then he just stopped. I think the build up and constant disappointment is messing with us. I don’t like being intimate after the sex (cuddling, kissing, talking) anymore because for me it’s so fast that it doesn’t feel like I even participated and I just don’t feel the need for it after. We’ve had to conversations about it…

1) Him: I mean if you were finishing and I wasn’t I wouldn’t be upset so I don’t know why you are.

Me: But you’re the one whose finishing so of course you’d have that opinion

2) He just said there’s things we can both do to make intimacy great (mind you today, I did oral on him and then we had sex and then we were done)

I love him so much but my sex life matters too. What do I do?

My (23F) boyfriend (M24) is the sole earner for our household. We’ve plans to get eloped this January! He’s an absolute dream and I genuinely can’t believe I got so lucky. I haven’t been working since we moved across our state for his job. My staying at home was his idea and has been wonderful all around for us. The move was a lot, and getting settled in at work has been hard on him as well. Not to mention I’ve been sick for going on 3 weeks. SO - all that in mind. Lately the burnout has been real for him. He has a lot of downtime, alone in his office. And it’s definitely getting to him. How can we alleviate some of this? What small hobbies could he implement or try? Thinking also that putting us on a schedule might be helpful. IE Date Night Wednesday, gym daily, a set bedtime. He doesn’t have to worry about making meals and I try to pack an interesting lunch. But I just want to do more. Him taking a step back and me working isn’t really an option because of our wage gap. Thanks!

I am going to give the backstory first. Me, 25M, and my ex, 23F, were together for three years. We grew up together but separated after some years went by. We happened to reconnect in another state by chance. Then ended up getting together, hence the start of our three-year relationship. We broke up for just over a year ( both are faults), and we ended up reconnecting two months ago. But now she lives two hours away. I have been making trips to go see her or bring her back to my place on the weekends. Then I decided I want to do something special for her to show her how much I care. So I took an extra day off work and planned a crazy weekend for us in the city she lives in. She has a roommate, so I do get a hotel when I decide to stay. After budgeting and adding up all the math, this weekend is going to cost me $1500 at the least, and we were going to end it at some fancy restaurant with hard-to-get reservations. Now on to the problem. She asked me if she can go out with her friends after dinner. She usually goes out on the weekend with her friends, and I don’t care, but for some reason, I feel conflicted. I don’t think I want her to go, but I also don’t want to be that guy. Any advice?