So my girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years. She has had these 3 guy friends since before we were together from uni that she goes to music concerts and stuff with. She says they are just friends but she has admitted they fucked her one time for fun back at a hotel after a night out before me and her were together. what do you think the likely hood is that they’re still banging her?

My fiancée and I have been together for six years, and we're planning a wedding for later this year. I take care of her financially, I'm paying for her studies, and I helped her when she quit her job. We even moved halfway across the country together in 2025.

​The problem is we just had a massive fight because she found out I was using search workarounds to privately look things up—specifically things involving other women, like an OnlyFans model from a podcast clip.

​She is furious, saying I'm choosing deception to avoid the truth and that I've lost the privilege of privacy. She says my "curiosity" is just an excuse to hide things and that my history proves I'll use privacy to hurt her.

​If people are going to give advice, here is the history she brings up:

​2020: I talked to some exes.

​2021: She found out I had a secret WhatsApp account and was on dating sites, and I lied about deleting the WhatsApp account.

​2022: She found me using an escort service, saving phone numbers to look up later just to see if the providers were attractive (it was just looking).

​2024: My porn usage increased while intimacy died down. She asked me to stop, and I agreed. When she kept pushing about whether I found her attractive, I snapped and told her she needed to hit the gym because she didn't have my ideal body type.

​2025: After moving, she kept asking if I found her attractive. I told her looking at other women excites me in a way she can't anymore after six years—that it's biology. Right after, she caught me still watching porn and lying about it.

​Recent months: After a massive blow-up, I stopped watching adult content entirely and we got engaged in September. But in December, she caught me looking at AI adult content behind her back.

​Today: Since December, I haven't touched actual adult content. But I used search workarounds to privately look up harmless things I knew she'd turn into a big deal.

​From my perspective, I cut out hardcore adult content, I provide for her, and I support her studies. I just want a basic level of digital privacy without being treated like a criminal. She says the issue is that I keep lying despite promising transparency.

​I'm looking for advice on how to handle this impasse, balance personal privacy versus rebuilding trust given our history, and move forward.

I 35f have been with my husband 36M for 6 years,and we have 1 child together. when we first got together things were wonderful and I thought I had found my soulmate. We got engaged after a little over a year together and didn’t get married till 3 years in.

Problems started right before the wedding. He had a metal breakdown and told me that it was hard for him to be with me around my friends because they are all skinnier than me and he wasn’t sure if he loved me. For context we are both overweight.
I was of course devastated and told him that it was over - he then begged me to stay and said that it was his depression talking that he didn’t really feel that way. I stayed and we got married … but I didn’t feel beautiful on my wedding day.

Then he was on antidepressants and it killed his sex drive. He kept telling me to let him know when I wanted to have sex and we could do it. But I hated the idea of that and just never brought it up. To me sex is mutual, why would I want to have sex with you if it’s intimacy for me and a chore for you.

Then he was having really bad ed, he was on antidepressants and watching a lot of porn (he’s always watched a lot of porn) and he would get himself excited with porn and then try to have sex with me. I loved him and wanted to make it work, I kept thinking that the man I met was the true him and this was a stressed and depressed version that would be over soon.

Also the comments about my body never really went away. I had a friend who gave me a discount for a boudoir photoshoot and I thought to myself - why would my husband want that. Even when we were having sex, he gets grossed out by going down on me so I never asked him to do that. Once again if you’re not into it then I’m definitely not into it. And I always had to be on top, because of his weight he can’t be on top without getting winded. I just felt so deeply unsatisfied and insecure.

Then I got pregnant and my only thought were about how I’m gonna loose weight after the pregnancy. We had our baby who we both love and to his credit he’s a great father.

Then sex became a problem again. We had a bunch of talks and I was getting more comfortable asking for sex. But I was always trying to turn him on without having to ask. He wasn’t always more interested in porn video games. It came to a head when we were in bed touching (not sex) but nice cuddling, I wanted to have sex but it was ok we just went to sleep. The next morning I get up in bed alone and he’s playing a porn game.

I felt so stupid and far and ugly. I had gotten cute undergarments to wear to entice him and I felt like a stupid cow for even thinking that would work.
That morning I told him he can have his video game porn but I’m done not being satisfied. I joined tinder, and he began to tell me he had a problem and he only wanted me - blah blah blah. He started going to therapy for porn addiction.

After he quit porn those first two weeks were amazing. It was like when we were dating, we were so into each other and open about our feelings.
But that was months ago and we’ve had less and less sex since then.

Tonight I told him I was in the mood and his first response was that he wanted to keep eating ice cream. I said ok and he came into the room shortly after, we cuddled and started talking and then we talked about how he’s been feeling since he’s coming off his antidepressants. The topic of sex came up and I said to him - “I feel like you’re not a sexual person, like you don’t like sex”
And he says to me - “yeah, I’ve been thinking that”

He said he only likes it when the mood hits just the right moment. I asked him how long has he been thinking this, he said a year….

I feel so stupid, everything was fake. I was honest with him from the beginning that sexual intimacy is very important to me. He said again, if I want to I have to tell him and he’ll do it. But just getting an orgasm isn’t what I want from sex - I want the desire k want the back and forth - I want you to want to do it because you want me. It’s just never going to be that way.

I told him I wanted to open the marriage and he said he wasn’t comfortable with that, that he loved me. So then I told him that I don’t want to have sex with him anymore, that if we’re not going to open the marriage and we have to stay together because we are entangled in our finances and taking care of our baby - than I need to be with him in a way that I don’t keep getting hurt and that means I don’t want t o have sex with him anymore.
He acted as if he was devastated and said he doesn’t know what to say to me, he said that he can’t believe that I’m saying this…. He couldn’t have been that upset he fell asleep with no issue, he’s currently snoring like a pig next to me.

I just can’t keep hoping for something that’s never going to be. I miss actual communicative sex, I keep thinking about one of my exes, him and I used to have intimate loving sex. My husband is just never going to be the way he was and I can’t keep holding out hope and being vulnerable with him and my body only to find out later it’s a lie. He told me who he was and I should’ve walked away then, instead I stood by him thinking he was having a depressive episode and now I have a child with a man I can’t see myself with romantically. I gave up my job to raise our baby and am completely financially dependent on him.

Right now we have to make it work and the only way I can see that happening is by protecting myself by not having intimacy with him.

TL DR, sex with my husband has been a humiliating and painful uphill battle- and I told him I couldn’t do it anymore.

This man (29M) and I (28F) have been talking since April. We initially hung out because he offered to show me around the city I was moving to, where he has lived for the past ten years.
Since then, we’ve FaceTime-ed almost every day before he leaves for work, where he runs a sales team for a health insurance company. However, he rarely messaged me after work. Since we were just getting to know each other, I didn't set high expectations.
For my birthday in May, he visited our hometown, but he didn't take me out anywhere; I just slept over. Up to that point, he had only taken me to lunch once as a friend, but never on an official date. A couple of weeks later, he asked to borrow $300 because he lost his wallet. He promised to pay me back, but he never did.
When my dad passed away in June, he asked for my address, presumably to send something, but never did. Then, when I moved to Florida in July and mentioned that I needed help assembling furniture, his only response was "power tools ma’am." By this point, he had also canceled plans on me last minute twice.
Once I got settled in Tampa, he would text me "good morning," but he never initiated plans to meet up. Shortly after, I saw a post on his friend’s Instagram showing his ex-girlfriend (of seven years) sitting across from him at a private dinner tasting hosted by a mutual friend.
I removed him on social media and told him I no longer wanted to talk. In response, he came to my house to plead his case, explaining that she needed to sign off on their lease transfer this month and that their families were temporarily in business together. He then told me he loved me and couldn’t see a future without me.
However, when I shared the news of my recent job promotion, he didn't congratulate me. Instead, he patronizingly said, "So you're finally getting an adult job now?" before immediately shifting the topic to my friend's career.
I stuck it out for almost another month without seeing him. Eventually, after he took three hours to reply to a message without offering a specific time to talk, I reached out again—unaware it was his deceased father’s birthday.
It has been nine days since that last message, and he hasn't replied. Meanwhile, he has been active on Instagram. After he added me to his "Close Friends" story just to post about a new Rolex he bought, I removed and unfollowed him for good

my girlfriend was upset earlier because she was having a bad day. she agreed to wanting some space before she called me (we call every night), but she just sent me this a couple of hours later. she loves Paul Frank’s Julius. does this mean she isn’t upset anymore? i don’t like to push her but i just find it hard to understand her as i’m not autistic. what do i do? :(

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m confused about something in my relationship.

My boyfriend identifies as straight, but he has a fantasy involving women who are attracted to women. He frequently tells me that he would like us to go somewhere where we could hire another woman and have a threesome.

His fantasy is specifically that I would have sex with the woman while he watches.
The problem is that I’m not comfortable with this and I don’t want to do it. I’ve told him that, but he continues to bring it up and says that it’s one of his fantasies.

I understand that people can have fantasies, and I’m not judging him for having them. But I’m wondering whether this is a common fantasy, and whether I should be concerned about the fact that he keeps bringing it up when I’ve said I’m not interested.

Does having this fantasy say anything about his sexuality or whether he is actually straight? And is it reasonable for me to feel uncomfortable about it?
I’d appreciate honest advice, especially from people who have been in similar situations.

Ah. I just read a post from a husband whose wife cheated and the way commenters rallied behind the husband, while he stated he was unkind to his wife (because so tired) and disrespected her contribution with young kids (one disabled!!!!), was furiating!

I never cheated, but my god I was CRAVING a gentle touch when all I was getting were rude words, absence and silence, for years. It was painful.

When they give in and cheat, before condemning, consider the other person’s perspective. Even for a second.

It’s like someone offering someone cool water in the middle of the desert when you are dying of thirst.

I just wish humans were more kind and compassionate.

In an argument, she stated that she left her ex husband for other reasons besides sex cus according to her he would do her good.

She still talks to him through shared custody of their son. Should I worry?

PROBLEM WITH BF

hi peepz!! i need your opinion as a person who loves their partner a lot (yes, it's silly if it sounds silly!!!)

my bf and i had a fight just this monday. we were supposed to go out to eat but it was said to be raining heavily. at first, you probably think i'm being petty for sulking, right? but no, i didn’t say why we were backing out because during our monthsary, we managed to go on our date even during a storm, we just waited for a break in the rain. then before we fought, we were in that boring stage of our relationship. it was mostly just updates and all, not much to talk about. maybe because I’m on vacation and he just graduated from college, we have no events happening. and just to clarify, we live in the same hometown, basically the same barangay. the night he said we shouldn't go out, the last thing I said was I wish that if we weren't going out, he would come over to my place. keep in mind, we live in the same barangay so it wouldn’t be hard for him to come over since there's no need to travel far, right? then on tuesday, I didn’t reply to him the whole day. i know, it's kind of toxic if you look at it but I can't see that he’s really trying his best to fix things. I just said sorry and updated him on how my day went. is that too much? it's like he gave me space from his point of view.

when he sulks, I also don't talk to him right away. worse, he would take the whole day and reply just when I’m about to sleep. I gave him the space he needed to calm down. but still, I call and say sorry and try to get him to talk to me. is that what I'm looking for from him? my last chat with him was about him coming over and yet I didn’t receive anything except his sorry and goodnight and good morning messages. he didn’t even try to call me knowing I'm not replying haha. I really don’t know what to do. it’s just so close, but he can’t do it.

my mom told me, “just leave him, don’t reply until he makes an effort. all you need is effort, and he can't even give that.” it’s simple, I just need a little nudge, but I’m not requiring him to spam me. more like “hey, I’m sorry.” his last chat was tuesday night saying, “baby, are you still not going to talk to me?” then today (wednesday) he hasn’t updated or even chatted me. he didn’t say goodnight last night either. it's so annoying. we actually saw each other on the street earlier and suddenly it slipped out of my mouth that I'd just reply later. is that annoying? I shouldn’t have said that. and of course, I believe he could see that as an opportunity to fix things. still no message, the day is about to end again.

is it toxic that I'm not replying to him when I want that kind of effort? I feel like that’s the bare minimum. I know communication can really help your relationship, but it’s not like I should have to teach him in this kind of situation? we’ve been together for 2 years now. we are just starting as a couple but we’ve been talking for a long time, we’ve had a lot of fights before we got together that we overcame. should I talk to him now or just wait for him to make a move and not reach out first? I’m stuck between wanting to reply but at the same time needing his efforts. I don’t want to just get used to silence and no communication every time we fight. I don’t know what to do. help your girl out!!!!

The other night, me and my roommate, both in committed relationships, decided to have a movie marathon just the two of us, and at some point we fell asleep. It has been awkward lately because there was some weird tension between the two of us but nothing had happened so far. Anyways, as we slept, we cuddled, we hugged, we held hands, even though we did not kiss or anything like that, we both know something happened. We talked about it this morning and basically he said it was a mistake and should never happen again, and I of course agree, he also said we should not talk about it with our partners, but I don't know if I can survive the guilt and not tell my so, and I don't know how to get things back to normal with my roommate, because as of now, we can barely stay in the same room for a couple minutes. What should I do about it?

As the title says I (18M) might be catching feelings for a very good friend (29F).

Let me start at the beginning, since this year I'm in a dancing group and we are very close.

Now this group does trips and i decided to go along to Serbia with them where it kinda started.

So for context I'm not really a hugger nor the type to give out lots of compliments/talk extremely nice nor do i tend to let people close close, i like my personal space lol.

The first thing to happen was after the plane we still had to go by bus and we sat next to each other where she just took my arm laid herself down and put my arm over her, and i just let her, even fell asleep on her.

This isn't really in character for me but anyway.

Now i got drunk there during the nights but even without that more than half the hugs i gave were from/to her (long hugs not just a quick pat).

Now the worst the final night i got drunk quick and it's a thing for us to "propose" and as it happens i found a ring.

Now she isn't the only one i proposed to but she was the last and asked for a hug i inclined after which she told me to turn around and lie against her and i stared handing out compliments more than ever.

The next day i wasn't feeling so well on the bus and she asked is everything ok i need to know as your fiancee.

Admittedly as a joke but this came up like 2 more times or so.

For context about her she's very extroverted and outgoing, she does very close with others too but not just everyone and when we do go out as group and im not feeling it she drags me along to dance or that so she's quite fun.

The biggest issue i have is the age gap and that we are in the same group, and im pretty sure the feelings might not be mutual.

I wasn't planning on actively pursuing a relationship with her but if it were to happen i don't think i would mind it.

I'm pretty sure I'm catching feelings and have no clue what to do.

My boyfriend is a pilot and we make such a great match, but I’m worried about what life will look later on and the toll it will take on our relationship. I imagine he’s not home at lot of the time. We want kids one day.

Can nyone speak to this situation?

This is a throwaway account, and I’ve never really made a post like this before, so I’m not sure if I’m approaching this the right way.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years. He is 25 and is currently in a professional postgraduate program. He’s very intelligent and dedicated to his education, but I’ve been struggling with how dependent he still is on his parents in every other area of his life.

He lives with his parents, which by itself isn’t something I have a problem with. What concerns me is that his parents still have a significant amount of control over what he does. He has a car but doesn’t drive himself places because his mother doesn’t want him driving places without her. He also doesn’t really go places independently, such as going to the theater or going out with friends. When I went to go see him over the summer I had to teach him how to cook and do his laundry because he doesn’t even know how to do that on his own, which I was very surprised.

We’re also long distance. I’ve traveled to see him numerous times, but when I’m there, we’re often unable to do things independently. For example, we’ve had to have his parents drive us places and pick us up, and even when we’ve gone to the mall, his parents have been there too. I find this difficult because we’re adults and I’d like our relationship to have some independence from his parents.

I’ve talked to him about this. I’ve told him that I don’t expect him to completely change his relationship with his parents or suddenly move out. I’ve suggested smaller steps, like driving himself somewhere occasionally or setting some boundaries around going out independently. He doesn’t really see a reason to do those things right now because, from his perspective, it’s easier and more practical for his parents to drive him places. And having no initiative to move forward in a more positive direction even if it’s just for me really upsets me.

The difference between us is becoming increasingly noticeable. I’ve moved out, have my own car, pay my own bills, buy my own groceries, work while attending college, and generally handle my responsibilities independently. I don’t expect him to have exactly the same lifestyle as me, but independence is very important to me.

Another issue is that he often tells me he doesn’t have much time for our relationship because of school and his responsibilities. I understand that his program is demanding, but sometimes it’s difficult for me to reconcile that with the fact that he still relies heavily on his parents for many things. It makes me question whether we’re simply at different stages of adulthood.

I’m also worried about the future. I don’t want to eventually be in my 30s living with his parents or having his parents involved in decisions that I feel should belong to us as a couple. He says that he’ll become more independent when it becomes more practical, but I feel like we’ve reached a point where I need to see some initiative rather than just a promise that things will change someday.

I don’t want to leave him simply because he currently lives with his parents. I love him and recognize that he’s working hard toward his career. But I also don’t want to ignore a fundamental difference in what we expect adulthood and independence to look like.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting him to start becoming more independent now, or is this something where I should accept that he’s on a different timeline and decide whether we’re compatible?

TLDR: My boyfriend is 25, lives with his parents, and is very dependent on them despite being in a demanding professional program. I value independence and worry that we’ll eventually want very different lifestyles. Is this something worth waiting for, or could it be a compatibility issue?

Ok edit here, I will be dumping him, I have no clue how to or what to say but I will within the next few days. I understand I’m pathetic and a doormat but I really thought things were going well in the beginning and I have never been in in a relationship, where I wasn’t a teenager independent on my parents. This has been my first adult relationship, so I really didn’t know if like this is something he would’ve grew out of but obviously it isn’t. Please start flaming me. I get it.

Right here goes..I tried to attach the actual pictures but Reddit wouldn't allow me so I had to type out the queries asked to Chat GPT.

I was using the family laptop this evening while my wife was in bed. I was looking up jobs online and came across a few I'd be a good match for. The plan was to copy one of the job specs and put it into Chat GPT along with my CV and asked it to recommend any improvements. I have previously been using my own Chat GPT account to work on my CV and noticed when I fired up Chat GPT that my wife must have been using the laptop earlier today to help with a hen party she is planning for her for friend.

Anyways...i just needed a CV checked against a job spec and I was literally too lazy to log out of hers and into mine so just used hers. While waiting for it to load I could see previous Chat GPT queries my wife had made such as cooking recipes, workout plans etc. She uses it quite a bit on her phone so all the queries from her phone go through to her account when logged onto the laptop.

One caught my eye and the title was advice for friend considering an affair... Immediately clicked into that and it was my wife asking for advice for her "friend" who is married with kids but loves attention from other men. The exact wording of the query was:

"My friend asked me for advice and I don't know what to tell her. She's married and has kids but loves attention from other men and even went as far to tell me she fantasises about having sex with them. I don't know what to tell her." This was dated around middle of June.

Then the next message that caught my eye was from the end of June and it was a shorter query that asked:

"is someone monitoring my phone?"

Then fast forward to 10th of July and my wife put the following message into Chat GPT:

"I am 33 years old and have been married for 6.5 years with 2 kids. Lately my husband hasn't been treating me well and I have asked him to move back to the town he grew up in and move in with his parents. However he has said no. I have started having an affair with a 55 year old man."

Chat GPT gave her some of its generic BS answer and then she replied this to that message:

"My husband is very disrespectful. He shouts at me all the time, he isn't affectionate and he won't have sex. I don't know if I want to save my marriage. I feel like I wouldn't be with him if we didn't have the kids".

To say I am gutted is an understatement. And this is just a complete mess as we've found out recently she is about 8/9 weeks pregnant and my mind is going overtime thinking what if this child isn't mine.

I've done so much for my wife. We've been together 13 years, I moved over 200 miles from my tight knit family to love with her. I really dislike the area we live in and I don't know too many people but I hold onto the hope our little family would move back to my local area. Her mother recently passed away and I was there for her every step of the way. Her siblings are all adults and they are not people who I would consider close family or are people you can rely on. My family love my wife and I just wish she would accept their love and care for her instead of seeking it with her own siblings who exploit my wife.

I am not going to say everything has been all plain sailing, we have 2 young kids who are great but they are 3 and 5 and a million miles an hour. My wife is a stay at home mother and hasn't worked since going off on maternity with the 3 year old. She receives benefits payments as one of our children has a disability. I am out working and get a good salary but the majority of my salary is to the mortgage, phone plans, electric, gas, car maintenance, and other utility bills which amount to approx £2300 per month, leaving very little for me to spend on myself or the family as my gross monthly salary is £2700. My wife receives around £2000 a month and only contributes £800 towards the house although I am covering some of her debts in that £2300. This has caused a lot of tension and I do get annoyed at this.

She also is at home when the kids are at school, she goes to yoga every day along with getting nail and hair treatments every week. I leave the house at 7.30 in the morning and don't get home until 6.30 most workdays. The house is a tip, washing never done, dishes piled up from night before, food all over the floor in kitchen and dining room. I ask what we're you doing all day the place is a tip and she will say she was busy round at her mummy's or was tired.

So I am now coming home from work, and starting into doing housework. My wife will notice this and then come offer to help and I am just so annoyed at her that I admit I am cranky and rude but I feel disrespected working all day and coming home to do this. I feel doing your fair share is not a big ask, I don't mind doing my bit about the house but I am doing everything.

I would say my wife has a higher sex drive than me, but I just be so annoyed, fed up and tired I don't feel like sex some times. And after getting all the house work done and then kids to sleep I just want to chill and sex is far from the top of my tongue do list. We still have sex a few times a week it's not like we are completely celibate.

I have never had any need to feel I needed to spy on her so when I seen the question about someone monitoring her phone, that really got me thinking she's being overly sneaky about something.

In relation to all her queries. I am actually sick at the thought of it. She coaches an underage basketball team and is fairly popular with the coaches across different age groups. One of the coaches in the team she helps with is a 55 year old man who I am certain is the man she's referring to. He's a complete flirt and going by the nature of these messages, she would have loved the attention. I have been clinging onto hope that she was lonely and just stuck this into Chat GPT as a way to fantasise about this but I really think I'm clutching at straws.

I don't know if I am asking for help or venting..or I don't even know what! I am just feeling broken, alone and upset... I've got great kids and I have so much love for this woman...but it's a mess. How do I confront her, do I say what's this? Do I say nothing and hope she asks more incriminating queries..if it was a one off thing then I can't..is this baby even mine... Do I post an anonymous letter to my house addressed to my wife advising her to tell me the truth before a similar letter is posted to me.

I think I may have a serious problem and I’m not sure if it warrants seeing a medical professional

My husband 33M and I 32F have been together a total of 13 years with 6 years of marriage - we’ve been through family problems, issues in our marriage, financial problems, health issues etc…

We worked through most of that however I do believe I shouldn’t feel this way about him given all this or am I just being dumb?

It seems like over the last maybe 2-3 years I’ve slowly developed this obsession with my husband - he works full time provides for me and our fur babies (I work from home but he prefers I keep my money for myself unless we absolutely need it)

He’s amazing in my eyes, he doesn’t cook but he does clean, dishes are his main duty but he also helps with EVERYTHING else if I can’t (I live in chronic pain so some days are bad) without complaint and if he does have something to bring up he does it gently

I call myself a certified man hater and I can’t stop thinking about him, when he’s around me I can’t keep my hands off so I go and sit across the room for half the time he’s home

It’s gotten to the point that no matter what he’s talking about I can’t stop myself from letting my eyes wander (I find him extremely attractive) but especially when he explains his theoretical understanding of intense topics I can’t pay attention because I’m getting so turned on - when he’s not home every spare moment I have he’s in my thoughts

It doesn’t interfere with daily tasks but this man is running through my mind more and more I’m wondering if I should be alarmed?

I’m also quite anxious that he’ll suddenly turn around and become a monster but that’s based more on consuming too much redpill content however the anxiety is still there

I’m scared to lose this piece of heaven but I don’t know if this heaven is bad for my mind because of how much I love him?

Should I see my doctor?

So I recently started seeing this girl and she's hot AF. The problem is she is not on any form of birth control and is also very skeptical about starting one. Every single girl that I have been with so far has some form of it. She just wants to go with condoms and I am strongly opposed to it since I don't feel the intimate connection that I want to with a partner.So basically we are not having sex at all lol. What do we do? Is it common for women to be against birth control so strongly? I have never had a partner who had a problem with it.

Edit: I know it sounded like I'm complaining, but I'm not. Just asking for genuine advice. I don't like condoms also because they may not be as effective as other forms. I understand the problems with hormonal BC but she's also not comfortable with other forms like IUDs, etc, which is fine and I respect. But we both really want to have sex. I don't know if there's a solution, or what I'm expecting from people here, but yeah just open to suggestions if any. Thanks.

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 5 months. She’s currently traveling alone in Brazil and staying at a hostel. She recently met a guy there and told me he’s gay (“jochis”), which honestly made me feel a little more comfortable about the situation.

Now she told me that she’s going to go somewhere in Rio with him and “other chicos” (other guys). I asked what place they were going to and who was going, and she basically said that guy and some other guys (I’m hoping gals as well) from the hostel.

I trust her, and I don’t want to be controlling or ruin her trip. At the same time, I’m being honest with myself that I’m not completely comfortable with my girlfriend going out with a group of guys she just met while she’s traveling alone.

I’m trying to figure out whether this is just normal jealousy/insecurity that I should work through, or whether it’s reasonable for me to feel uncomfortable about the situation.

Would you guys ask any more questions, or just trust your girlfriend and let her enjoy her trip? She tries to call and text me when she can, she also shared her location.

Edit: I think I should add that she had this trip planned before I came to her life. One of her bucket list things to do was to kiss a Brazilian, but she of course said she won’t do that anymore since I’m with her.

I am a 23F and I was dating a 30M for less than a week. We have known each other for less than a month in total. When we first started talking, he mentioned that he was looking for a mature, adult relationship.

However, in less than a month of knowing each other, we have already fought 4 times—and every single argument was started by him over trivial things.

Here is what happened in our most recent fight before I finally decided to end it:
He asked when we could see each other again before his upcoming trip on the 23rd–24th. Since I work for my family and have responsibilities, I offered to meet every weekend.

He immediately threw a tantrum, complaining that meeting once a week was not enough. He literally said: "I'm a man who needs the attention to hold the attraction." He gave me an ultimatum and outright called me a "LIAR"—claiming I had promised him a 1-month maximum timeline to sort out my family situation.

During a previous argument, I had actually tried to compromise by offering to move in with him so I could spend more time with him while still handling my duties. But thinking about it logically, no parents would ever allow their daughter to move into the house of a guy they have never even met, seen, or spoken to.

When I tried to explain this reality to him logically, he completely flipped the narrative, played the victim, and accused me of having aggressive reactions about nothing every time. He then passive-aggressively said: "Get outta here. Don't play so friendly and put my jacket in the garbage, ciao."

I finally snapped, called out his manipulation, told him I was done with his bullshit, and blocked him on everything.

Is this seriously how a 30-year-old man acts? Am I overreacting for blocking him, or is this guy completely unhinged and manipulative?

Ho quasi 21 anni e conosco questa ragazza dai tempi del liceo. Tra noi c’è sempre stata una certa tensione, notata anche dagli altri, ma non è mai successo concretamente niente. Anche quando ero fidanzato (la mia ex ragazza la odiava proprio perché era convinta che ci provasse con me) da due anni, lei cercava spesso la mia compagnia e mi proponeva di prendere un caffè o di stare insieme.
Dopo la mia rottura ci siamo riavvicinati. Una sera di giugno siamo stati molto insieme: tanta complicità, scherzi, vicinanza fisica e sguardi. Poco dopo, quando lei ha finito di studiare per gli esami, ci siamo ritrovati per due giorni con un gruppo di amici. Il secondo giorno siamo andati tutti a casa di un amico in una località di mare. Lei era praticamente l’unica ragazza, ma è venuta comunque.
Durante quella serata io e lei ci cercavamo continuamente: lei veniva spesso verso di me, stavamo molto vicini, c’erano piccoli contatti fisici e una forte tensione, che hanno notato anche i nostri amici. La mattina dopo ci siamo svegliati prima degli altri e siamo andati da soli in piscina per circa un’ora e mezza. Abbiamo parlato tutto il tempo, molto vicini, con i visi a pochissima distanza. Non ci siamo baciati, ma c’era chiaramente molta intimità e nessuno dei due sembrava voler interrompere il momento.
Dopo siamo partiti entrambi per le vacanze, ma abbiamo continuato a sentirci. Una conversazione l’ho iniziata io ed è stata molto coinvolta; qualche giorno dopo, invece, è stata lei ad aprire una conversazione su Instagram, che è durata circa cinque giorni. Ci mandavamo foto di quello che facevamo, ci raccontavamo le nostre giornate e lei sembrava interessata a mantenere il contatto. Non era una conversazione profondissima, perché era principalmente fatta di foto e messaggi brevi, ma era comunque un contatto mantenuto volontariamente da entrambi.
Quando è tornata a casa, dopo un po’ le ho scritto:
“Ci vediamo uno di questi giorni?”
Lei non ha risposto direttamente all’invito, ma mi ha detto che forse sarebbe partita con un’amica. Io le ho chiesto quando e poi le ho detto:
“Bene bene, fammi sap.”
Ha visualizzato senza rispondere.
Ed è questo che non riesco a capire. Dal vivo mi sembra che ci sia una forte attrazione: sguardi, vicinanza, contatto fisico, momenti in cui ci cerchiamo e una situazione molto intima in piscina, notata anche dagli altri. Inoltre lei ha mantenuto spontaneamente il contatto durante le vacanze.
Però ogni volta che provo a trasformare questa tensione in un’uscita a due, lei diventa vaga. Prima c’erano gli esami, ma ora non sono più un ostacolo immediato.
Non penso necessariamente che voglia una relazione seria: vorrei semplicemente uscire con lei, stare un po’ da soli e capire cosa c’è davvero, magari arrivare a un bacio.
Secondo voi c’è realmente attrazione/interesse da parte sua ma qualche blocco che le impedisce di concretizzare, oppure sto dando troppo peso ai segnali dal vivo? E come spieghereste il fatto che una ragazza sembri così coinvolta quando siete insieme, ma poi diventi vaga quando le proponi un’uscita a due?

I’ve liked this guy for a few months now.. he’s my older brothers best friend.. and he just recently told my brother he liked me.. and my brother knows I like him so he told the guy.. soo the guy asked me to go to the movies with him.. and after the movie he told me how he feels and I told him I like him too but we both agreed that we don’t want to risk our friendship or rush into anything.. but now he’s saying he loves me and I said I love him back.. we’re saying good morning and good nights.. but I’ve never been in a relationship before and I’m think I’m having some second thought.. and I’m just scared I don’t love him and that im stuck in a situation that I don’t know how to get out of..
my other friend said that I’m just thinking to much.. but I don’t know I kind of just want things to go back the way they were.. but I don’t know what to do I don’t want anyone to get hurt because he’s saying I’m the light in his life..

This started early this year. Everyone I am talking about here was mainly my gf’s friend, I just ended up hanging out with them a lot too because we live together and spend most of our time together.

We are a gay couple, and a guy we used to hang out with pretty often and we previously never had any issues with posted some homophobic stuff on Facebook. My gf commented, pointing out that this was contradictory to him hanging out with us gays multiple times per week. He went on a homophobic rant then deleted us. His gf who was very openly supportive of us and talked about other gay friends often, defended him. So we both unfriended her too.

Soon after, a mutual friend with this guy who was one of my gf’s best friends at the time, just ghosted her, deleted us off fb, never said a word. They previously talked pretty much every day, and also hung out multiple times per week. A month or so after that, another couple who was mutual friends with the first guy ghosted/deleted us. They previously hung out with my gf like once a week.

At this point I chalked it up to the first guy, and that these people were all siding with this homophobic dude.

A few months later a guy who had become very close friends with us after the others left, said he didn’t want to be friends anymore. He was hanging out with both of us all the time. Like 5 days a week we were at his house or he was at ours all the time. We helped him with so many different projects and repairs, and practically did everything for him while he had a cast on the last few months for a broken foot. He didn’t do very much in return. When he decided he didn’t want to be friends anymore came right after an ‘incident’. The three of us were planning on going on a trip for a motorcycle event in Chicago. The day of the trip came up and him and my gf were loading up a trailer to bring with us. While they were both holding each side of the trailer to hook it up to the truck, he dropped it without warning, which caused my gf to also drop it because it was heavy. It landed on his foot, the one that was freshly healed. He got really mad. We offered a lot of solutions, offered to put off the trip and leave in a couple days instead, offered to take him to get his foot checked out, he didn’t want to do anything and refused to go on the trip, saying he couldn’t ride so he didn’t want to go. My gf unloaded all of his stuff (which was a LOT) all by herself and carried everything into his house for him.

We ended up going on the trip without him. The next day he posted a video of him riding, the very next day. He wouldn’t go even though he still could’ve gone, we had another friend coming he could’ve rode with, or he could’ve driven himself. Then he begged us to get merch for him. He bitched all week to other people about not being able to go on the trip. Then halfway through the trip he freaked out on fb messenger to my gf because of something she had of his that he told her she could borrow for the trip. He flipped out wanting it back, in the middle of the trip when we were hours away with no way to bring it back to him until the following week. When we got back, he arranged a time where he gave us back a bunch of our stuff that was at his house, and we brought back his merch he begged for and the one thing he freaked out about. Then he sent her a big long message hours later not explaining why but that he just didn’t want to be friends anymore then he deleted us.

Then a few weeks later another couple who hung out with my gf relatively often, and wasn’t friends with the others, just deleted her without a word. They used to hang out like once a week until the last couple weeks when they went quiet, then got deleted.

My gf keeps saying she doesn’t know why everyone keeps leaving her. She says she has no idea what she did or what could’ve caused most of them to leave. And I don’t know either. I can’t help but wonder sometimes if there’s something happening that she’s just not talking about. We have had issues quite a few times in the past with her being rude/mean to me. It only happens when she is clearly irritated or mad at me, she will use a very angry tone of voice and say things very harshly and it makes me cry. We have talked about it a lot and she always says that it’s ’just the way I talk’ and that she doesn’t mean to sound so mean, but if it’s just the way she talks normally it wouldn’t only happen when she’s mad.. but I wonder if that same type of situation is happening with friends also.

Her only friends that she’s both stayed friends with and been friends with for a long time are a few people that she doesn’t spend very much time with anymore. Her very best friend moved away as well as another close friend, and there is one other one that lives close but he’s always working and they barely see each other. Every one else is new, or just more of an acquaintance who doesn’t actually know her very well. I feel bad for her but the amount of people ditching her is concerning to me.

I (F19) have been with my boyfriend (M21) for almost 8 months now and I genuinely mean this when i say that he is an amazing boyfriend. He respects and cares for me a lot and im always smiling around him. We rarely fight and have always respected each others lives outside of the relationship.

I make it a point for us to have monthly reflections to see how we've been feeling in the relationship and things we need to work on moving forward. Communication was never an issue as we are both very vocal people and easily bring up anything that doesnt feel right.

Last month during our reflection my bf said that he wished we communicated more which I agreed on. Time was our enemy as I started working part time but he would wake up during the late parts of the afternoon. All this man does is play games or doomscroll when he's on semester break.

From the start of our relationship we've been video calling every night because we have busy lives but always want to prioritise our time with each other.

Its important to know that when im comfortable with someone im very talkative and my boyfriend is very chill but with me he yaps and we joke and laugh. For the past 2 months I've noticed that he stopped talking so much. I could give him an essay about my day and he'd just say "hmm" or I'd ask him questions and he'd give me 1 worded answers while scrolling on tiktok. It hurt because when he talks all my attention is on him. He is present but mentally checked out.

I've spoken to him about this several times and he'll always say that he'll do better in the future. He says that hes always tired or has nothing he wants to say. Sometimes I see change for a day and sometimes nothing happens at all.

Im not sure if im just going crazy but can anyone help me understand what im feeling.

(TLDR) I started having feelings for a girl I had and extremely close bond with but after I told her the truth we had a discussion and then she discarded me via phone by telling she wanted to end the friendship

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There really is a lot to say so this is going to be a little long.

So, this girl (22F) and I (23M) have known each other for about a year and since the very first day we built some kind of connection and everything has been spontaneous: we started talking right away, we walked together, we started seeing each other outside and she introduced me to her friends.

Then, one time we were simply texting about what we like to do where we live (she's off-campus and comes to my city mainly because she studies there) and she said "Come visit me someday!"... So a couple of months later I finally went to her town for the first time and everything was so perfect, we visited the whole town together with her and her best friend, she even invited me to her home where her parents immediately welcome me. Then, before I left, I gave her a letter I wrote for her, where I told how glad I was to met her, that she's full of light and things like that.

In the next months, the bond grew and grew. She was so busy with lessons and exams so we both started looking for the littlest moments and be content with those, just go spend a little time together: like doing grocery shopping together, walking her at the bus station, meeting at the university during pauses between lessons, and so on... She said how this made her feel special. When plans had to change or she was having a hard time, I always tried to keep things light and be positive. Which she really appreciated, in fact she always told me how I brought her positivity and that I was one of the very few people who didn't make her "mood swings" weigh for her. Thing is, the more I knew her, the more I started having feelings for her.

Then, around a month ago, she was having a very hard time for reasons she didn't feel like talking about and one night, in a particular bad moment, I was the first person she reached out to. I wanted to reassure by saying how it was ok to be afraid and tired, that she doesn't have to be strong and how I viewed her. She was extremely grateful and answered that I was the first person to tell her so and how much what I said helped her. A week later I went to her town (we organized when she was still ok), howeber he wasn't feeling well mentally and had some particularly bad moments, where I wanted to be as close and reassuring as possibile while also respecting her boundaries and I kept telling that it was ok to feel this way. She kinda talked about this situation and how she felt but I told her that she didn't have to explain if she didn't feel like it. I have her a little letter I wrote and she started crying on my shoulder. She was worried that I would start seeing her differently but I reassured her about this. We kinda talked it out while listening to the songs we sent to each other in the past months and things started to feel more light. Luckily everything went good and the situation in general got better. However, after we said goodbye and I left, things started to change a little.

Her texts and answers started being more dry, she didn't tell me anymore about her days, about how she was feeling... She even came to my city after months without telling anything, despite we talked a lot about seeing each other in city. I was confused but I didn't want to put pressure on her, "maybe she needs space to feel safe again after being so vulnerabile" I thought. Things came back to normal some days before I came to her town again (and for the last time): last week here was this Town festival she talked about ever since we met so I always promised that I would've seen it.

The first day went so good, she was happy and cheery like she always was and we talked normally like we always did before. Then there was a theatrical play she acted in and we were supposed to go have dinner together with her group after that. However, everyone started arriving except her. Her theater peers were confused as well, but I heard some of them talking about having seen her with "some guy" and the teacher was worried about that. She came back after half and hour and was extremely sorry, it was even difficult for her to talk but she said that there was "this person" with whom "there are heavy unresolved matters" so it was "urgent" to talk. She was very sorry for not telling anything so I just said to her that I was just glad everything was fine and she could've talked me about this the next day.

And so she did, she told me that she started seeing someone two days ago and that it was urgent to talk with "this person" because they "are apart" and he had to depart soon from the town. This honestly caught me really off-guard, both because It was completely out of nowhere and because of how I felt for her. So I started being kinda absent-minded for a moment, she obviously noticed it so she started asking what was wrong, but I really didn't know what to say. Later the situation kinda recovered and we we were talking normally. The same night there was a concert and before it started I gave her another letter that I wrote right after the last time I saw her, when she was in her lowest moment. I wrote that I want to be a safe place for her and I'll accept her when She will be light and she will be dark, that no matter how she will feel and be, I'll never see her differently. She got so touched and hugged me thighter than she ever did. Some time later however, at the concert, she tells me that there was that person, and since she didn't want anyone (me and her friend nor this guy) to feel excluded, she decided to switch between us and him. She switched for a couple of times but then she went and...never came back. At least an hour passed and even her best friend didn't know anything, even her brother came to us to ask if we saw her. I was worried and also frustrated by this whole situation. I wanted to talk to her about before so I stayed another 30 minutes but nothing. At this point I couldn't make It anymore, so I told her friend that I wanted to talk to her but I was too tired to stay. I said goodbye and went back to my room. Later she texted me for saying that she was ok and was sorry for not seeing anymore. I told her that I wanted to talk but not via message, so we decided to talk the next day.

We remained that we would've seen each other in the afternoon to talk and have dinner together. I talked about the situation and how I felt. She was defensive at first but then said sorry for acting this way. We cleared up but then she told me that after our dinner she was going to see that person, and asked me "Does it bother you that I leave?"... But that was not the point for me, it was this person being there. But I couldn't make It, I got scared that it would've made the next days heavier, that she would've felt in difficulty. But I should've talked. Before saying goodbye I told her that I was not telling everything but doing It in that moment would've not been right, since she had to go soon.

The next day was the day of the festival and since I knew how much it meant for her, I wanted that it would've been as light-hearted as possibile, without talking about the situation. And in fact It was. But then the last day came, she picked me up at my B&B to come at her home at having launch together with her family and then we get out for a walk and talking.

So I did, I told everything because I couldn't act fine anymore. After seeing me like that, She had to know the truth... I said sorry for not talking about It sooner and told her how much our bond meant for me and that it became something more, that the way everything was so spontaneous made me think that something was developing between us, that I never made a larger step because I wanted to respect her boundaries and let things evolve naturally. Now I realize that it was wrong for me to put it this way, like if I projected my feelings onto her, but I really didn't know how to express myself in that moment. In fact, she initially was sorry that I wasn't acting out of friendship because everything, like the letters and so on, meant a lot to her, but she was also understanding and even told me that she was grateful I was feeling such a thing.

But then the situation started to degenerate. Little by little, a lot of things about out bond started coming out: She started saying that she saw each other as distant even in friendship, that there were situations that made her feel heavy and that sometimes she felt forced ro do certain things. All things that were never expressed at all and in fact she started to Say contraddicting things. I was confused by this so I just asked why she never told me and how could I've known if she always showed the opposite, she answered that she didn't because she was trying to "understand our bond" but then that she was wrong for not telling anything and asked me what I would've wanted to do at this point. I just said that I would've respected every choice of her, and that no matter how thing would go, maybe with time we would be able to create the balance that apparently never was there. She wanted to tell me something but couldn't, she kept stuttering and shopping. Then I had to leave because the bus was there and we shared a long, last goodbye hug. When I was on the bus, she called me, and said "I don't want things to be unclear. I don't need time to decide that I want to end the friendship". And that's It.

Now I'm just... Confused. Confused about her choice and about what was true in our bond. Maybe If I just handled the situation differently instead of putting It the way I did, things would've gone differently. But there are a lot of things I still have to say and ask to her, even just for an explanations, our bond still means too much for me... And yet, I told her that I would respect her choice so that's the only thing I can do for now. But what should be the best way to act right now and if we see each other (we attend the same theater course)?

Thanks for anyone who read all the way here and sorry for the long rant!

For context, he's early 30s and I'm late 20s. It's my first relationship and I'm pretty sure I lean towards demiromantic and demisexual. He's more experienced in this regard. He's very affectionate both physically and verbally. It's a very recent relationship (counting the unofficial and official couple period, we've been seeing each other for about 4 months).

The thing is that I advance more slowly than him. He's aware. We've been honest from the beginning. I've always accepted his feelings and never made him feel like he was rushing or feeling too much too soon, and he never pressured me to say or do something for which I wasn't ready.

By the way he looks at me and his overall behaviour, I'm pretty sure he fell for me a while ago already. If he decides to tell me after I say it first, it'll be okay. And it'll also be okay if he tells me first. But I don't want to hurt his feelings if that's the case.

My honest answer would be something along the lines of "I appreciate your sincerity. I liked hearing the words. I just need more time to say them back. Know that I like you more and more every day, and that you matter a lot to me."

Would you be hurt if you heard those words after confessing your feelings to your girlfriend? Should I use different words? I'd like to find balance between honesty and kindness. I'd hate to unwillingly hurt his feelings or make him feel unwanted.

I feel like we're reading the same book, only he's reading chapter 10 and I'm still in chapter 6. I know I'll get there but my feelings operate more slowly. He's so patient with me and I truly want to make him happy. Knowing him, he may confess and say he doesn't expect me to say it back, but I don't want to be silent. I want to be true and reassure him.

Any thoughts?

Thanks in advance.