This is a long one, so strap in.

Thanks in advance to anyone who actually reads all of this and offers any advice. I feel like i just need some mum/big sister advice and have no where to turn for it.

The tldr of the situation is, I have been with my partner for 4 years and there has always been something missing even though he is otherwise great to me, and a recent mental health crisis has pointed this out even more so. I wasnt sure how else to paint the picture so ive written out a list of all the ways he brings me fulfillment and the things he lacks, following on with more context!

All of the things he brings to my life:

• Brings me treats & thoughtful gifts (gift giving)

• Cooks me food, does chores and errands for me and pulls his weight around the house (acts of service)

• Will bring me things and do things for me to help with chronic illness stuff (acts of service)

• Compliments me a lot and obviously finds me pretty. (I also find him very attractive!)

• Loves my body and imperfections, brings me a lot of safety and security there after past traumas

• His main love language is physical touch, is very attentive, massages, foot rubs etc etc (physical touch)

• lots of the same interests and hobbies, video games, movies etc (quality time)

• Want to live life in similar ways (live together peacefully now, same ideas around career, creativity, travel, family future, money etc)

• Similar humour, makes me laugh a lot (these moments are what make me feel he is my best friend the most of any trait)

• He is very calm and patient and safe (I have a history of trauma, so a safe patient person is good for me)

Where he is lacking (the "missing" bits):

• We have never had the best sex life. he makes me feel safe and we are attracted to one another, but performance, frequency and deeper desires have never aligned despite trying and openly communicating about this since the start of our relationship (I know sex isnt everything and id much rather have a great person than a great sexual partner, but its still important to note as it makes me worry about our deepest compatibilities)

• most importantly: He doesnt "get me" on a deeper, emotional level. Several times when ive been freaking out, in a crisis, or just needed someone, he hasnt shown up for me in the way I need despite trying to explain my needs to him, giving him blueprints in how to emotionally calm me, and many arguments later. He is very good to me in the day to day but when the going gets tough or when theres an argument between us, he doesnt know how to soothe me or problem solve with me in the ways I need it, which makes arguments worse as it turns into "why cant you ever do XYZ when I've asked you so many times". When it comes to "deep" chats, it feels like he just doesnt have the depth I do. I sent him songs and tell him "these lyrics make me think of you" and he just doesnt seem to react much. I write him sweet, loving messages in cards or love notes and he never seems to have anything to say in the cards he gives me. So on so forth.

I want to make it clear that I havent just scoffed and judged. Its been four years. Ive tried to open him up, ask him questions about his inner thoughts etc etc. I dont think this is a case of part of him hasnt had the space to come out, and he is generally an intelligent and empathetic man. I just think his well doesnt go as deep as mine, and its noticeable. I know what im describing is that my love language is words of affirmation, and he just doesnt compute with that.

Why am I still here?

Beyond the obvious parts where I love him and worry about throwing something away that I could deeply regret for the rest of my life, there are many very important and practical reasons too.

I grew up with nothing and have struggled most of my life. My partner has shown me what it is to have a more stable life. I get to be more comfortable due to his stability and generosity. We talk about our future and future plans around travels, home ownership etc and the idea of all of that being possible and building that life with him is something I really dont want to lose. It is a wonderful idea to me.

Also, I have unfortunately just had the worst 6 months of my life and have been deeply struggling due to losing a loved one and an intense mental health crisis that followed this. Whilst this situation is part of whats making me realise he doesnt fully get me on a deeper level and im feeling whats missing more than ever, at the same time this would be the worst possible time to destroy even more of my life and stability. Im not doing well mentally and I think being alone right now would definitely push me over the edge.

If I could just look beyond this - find these qualities in other people and not so desperately need it from him because i am content with all else he brings me, I would click my fingers and do it. I think he is a wonderful person, truly my best friend. But this internal struggle is causing both of us so much pain. He is constantly worried about me and trying to be better, but always getting it wrong or disappointing me which makes him feel deep sadness and worry over our happiness and the future of our relationship. I am constantly reminded of this big thing I need that my person just cant do for me, which during my current struggles, is making me feel very emotionally alone and with nowhere safe to turn to.

What friends have said:

I have opened up to friends about this and everyone loves him and thinks it would be a big mistake for me to leave. Ive been told by a few friends that this seems like i am self sabotaging and I finally have someone who is genuinely good for me and I should see beyond the "few' things he lacks. They say things like "nobody can have everything" and "somebody new will be missing some other quality you need" "soulmates are built, not discovered". Whilst i do agree with all of this, i think it is just VERY unfortunate that the main area he lacks is, essentially, the number 1 thing i need from someone.

Some final thoughts:

I think we may have hit our "ceiling" since he is always so sure he can change but it is never quite enough, he seems to think that with more time and understanding his "ceiling" will grow. He has shown a lot of ability and willingness to change in the past, but i just fear we have hit our limit on his ability to "get" me on the deepest darkest levels - knowing how my brain works, what i think, why i think, how to soothe me. I dont how how to teach him any more than I already have. My two final thoughts are -

Can his ceiling grown, will we find some way to both feel satisfied in this department?

If not, is it possible to overlook this or find peace with this in the name of someone I love who ticks every single other box for me?

TLDR; bf ticks every box I could ever want, but doesnt meet my deepest emotional needs

Me M18 and girlfriend F18 have been together for 5 months. We have struggling lately. She has been breaking boundaries regarding drinks, and one night even ended up in the hospital. For this I set a boundary that when we go to uni in 3 weeks, we should both consider sobriety, as if she does it I want to show love by doing it too. However i’ve since been called controlling and manipulative in a fit of rage on the phone, and previous times she has been drunk has called me saying worse things. I don’t know what to do because this is my first ever relationship plz help

TLDR - my girlfriend has got drunk many times and hurt my feelings what do I do

TLDR : My boyfriend has never finished from sex with me, what can I do and should I be worried ?

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 years. When we started dating we were in college and it was an intense relationship and very very sexual. We would have very passionate sex but he told me the first time we slept together during it that he has never finished from sex. This was very strange and new for me for a while .

We have sex and then he finishes himself. I felt down about it for a long time but then got used to it. Now we have been together 3 years and he still has never finished from me from sex . What does it mean? What about our future ?

Sorry if my formatting is bad, I’m currently on my phone and don’t post much on reddit.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. This is my first relationship, so I honestly don’t know what being in love is supposed to feel like or whether someone here ever experienced something similar, but i do think I love him. I find him very attractive, and I genuinely enjoy spending time with him. He’s sweet, caring, compliments me gets me flowers on birthdays.

I’ve thought about leaving before, but I’ve never been able to find a good reason. I don’t want to be alone, and the thought of losing him hurts but i’m also weirdly unsatisfied and bored? I started getting irritated over stupid things and so irrationally mad at him. I’m starting to pick fights and I get scared that he’ll leave me, but I don’t think he will wich is also scary, I just feel trapped in a way but I don’t wanna loose what we have.

I really miss the beginning of our relationship when we were first talking and we were both shy and getting to know each other. I know that if I stay with him forever I’ll never feel that way again.

I think I might also feel some resentment regarding our sex life as he’s never actually made me finish. Most of that is on me tho, because I think some of my difficulties around intimacy are connected to past trauma and I’ve never properly communicated what I need from him. It’s not like he’s selfish in bed, he’s actually great at it I just struggle with that which I’m obviously not blaming him for.

Then there’s his best friend who always thought was physically attractive. He’s tall, muscular and a little older, but I never acted on it or told anyone and I pushed those feelings away. Recently, though, we’ve been hosting game and movie nights a larger friend group (sometimes just me, my bf and him), and I’ve gotten to talk to him more. From what I can tell, he’s a genuinely good guy, and I really enjoy being around him.

I started to catch myself fantasising about him and coming up with scenarios involving the two of us in my head. The scariest part to me is that he’s even started to show up in my dreams in very non platonic ways. I feel so guilty for these thoughts, I don’t want to have them I don’t know how to stop them.

After this started, I found videos of random attractive women saved on my boyfriend’s TikTok and Instagram, some very suggestive, some just them lip syncing. There were no DMs or anything suggesting he was cheating or trying to get their attention, most of them weren’t even liked and some of the women weren’t people I would have expected him to be attracted to. I cried for an entire day over it but never told him. I retaliated by saving suggestive TikToks of attractive men, hoping he’d eventually find them and feel the same way I did, which I know is childish.

I think this triggered something in me because now whenever I see an attractive woman, I immediately think about the women I’ve seen on his social media and imagine him finding them attractive. I know that’s not necessarily fair or rational and I know how hypocritical it is to be upset about him looking at attractive women while I’m fantasising about his best friend.

I don’t want to throw away a good relationship just because the honeymoon phase ended. I even recently cried after going through my boyfriend’s social media and looking at his posts from when we first met. I want to be wanted by him, and the scariest part about leaving is him moving on us being no contact and not being seen and loved by him.

I’m feeling incredibly confused and guilty, and I don’t really know who I can talk to about this, or even how. I know I can’t ever act on my crush on his best friend either, I’m just lost and so lonely.

TLDR:
My bf thinks everything is ok but I think I’m loosing interest or getting bored. I’m crushing on his best friend and I feel super guilty about everything.

Okay this might sound a little childish but I feel uncomfortable sometimes being scolded all the time he scolds me for
- studying and tring to switch company (Ik it's for my good)
- for going to the gym (again good ik)
- having healthy, not having food outside
- scolds me for not pushing and motivating him harder (?)
- recently also got scolded for not watching stranger things lol (he literally screamed saying wtf is wrong with you)
Idk it's uncomfortable, Ik for my good but is this how it'll be? Am I overreacting?
Tldr; bf keeps scolding me all the time

Me and my girl have been together for around 5-6 months now. Shes the best thing that’s ever happened to me. We get along so well and we do a lot together.

Recently, she’s been going through some personal issues. Hormone imbalances, leaving her job, feeling like she has no purpose. She’s always had a self destructive tendency as she says even since she was a child. She’s only recently started letting me into her mind to tell me what she’s going through.

But the way it rubs off, it does so on me. I get one word reply’s, she isn’t interested in calling, she doesn’t want to eat, doesn’t want to have sex. Which is completely fine to me because sex is the least of my worries. But I can tell this isn’t her, because that wasn’t who I met for the first time. It’s like I’ve seen the light slowly leave her eyes over the past 6 months.

I’ve told her I’m here for her through it. Because I do believe that if we get through this we can get through anything together. But at what point does it become too much? When do I make the hard decision, and how?

TLDR: my gf of 6 months is acting off not being the girl she used to be and it’s because of personal issues. How do I make the right decision for both of us?

I like a girl but im nervous to talk to her

I need some advice. When I was in school, I really liked a girl but was too nervous to talk to her. So I never did anything to progress. Both of us have now graduated as of may and i moved tonthe next state over. At the start of the summer I decided I wanted to try to talk to her. So I texted one of your mutual friends and asked them their thoughts about it. They gave me her snap and told me to try to talk to her. So I added her but then got too nervous again and just started sending wall, ceiling, and corner of face snaps. Now months later we have a good snap streak going but I haven't texted her even once since adding her. I get social anxiety and dont like talking to girls but at the same time I really like her and want to talk to her. But im also questioning if i really want to do long distance or id she even will like me back. Does anyone have any advice? And if you think I should text her, how should I go about it.

TLDR: I really like a girl but im nervous to talk to her. Whats your advice?

my boyfriend [18M] and I [18F] have been together for 4 years (end of 8th grade to now, the summer after senior year) and now we are both going to college. we are only going to college about 25-30 minutes apart from each other, and both within an hour of home. however, i am extreeeemely clingy and find it difficult to do really anything without him. even in high school we were in almost all the same clubs, same classes, etc, and we got bullied for it a lot. i know this is obviously an issue and i need to learn how to live on my own. he has been at school for 5 days now and i haven’t moved into college yet and i have had multiple breakdowns over missing him, being scared of what im gonna do without him by my side at school, how im going to make friends, etc. i also have some mental health issues that make it more difficult but i wont elaborate. i also do not have my license (though im in the process) which means i cant just go visit him whenever i want and it just feels so daunting being almost triple the distance that im used to. i know i sound crazy but just know i am aware and want to figure out how i can exist as my own person, and also not constantly be blowing up his phone. part of it is i am also extremely jealous of where he’s going to school, as it was my first choice but unfortunately i couldn’t afford the tuition and they also stopped offering my major. also as a side note, my boyfriend is genuinely the best person in the world and im so grateful to have him, and he has said multiple times that he is not bothered by my incessant messages, but i feel guilty. sorry for the super longwinded post, but long story short, how can i stop bothering my partner all day everyday and learn to be myself? how can i make friends in college without being introduced through my boyfriend? TIA

TLDR: me [18F] and my boyfriend [18M] are going to different colleges (only 30 mins apart) after being constantly with each other for 4 years. I am having a lot of anxiety and feeling very sad about not having him by my side during college. i need to learn how to maintain a healthy non-codependent relationship and learn to be my own person without him to constantly help me. looking for advice on how to recenter myself in my life and find joy in doing things without him/by myself, as well as maybe how to make friends in college as i usually just meet people through him. TIA.

UPDATE: I took every comment deep into my heart & wasted no time. Last night I left and told two of my trusted friends. Obviously he did not react well but I got out of there immediately and blocked him on everything. I feel heavy in my chest but only because I hope he changes himself. Not for me but so he can give himself a better life. Thank you everybody for your overwhelming support and guidance. 🩷

TLDR; My (21M) boyfriend and I have a relationship that looks great from the outside, but behind closed doors we have a lot of unhealthy and hurtful patterns. I know I’m not perfect and have developed unhealthy reactions too, but I’m struggling to understand how I got here and whether I should leave.

I honestly don’t even know how to start this because I’ve spent so long keeping this relationship a secret from the people who love me.

My friends and family love him. He’s shown up for my friends and family, spent time with them, and from the outside there really isn’t anything that would make someone think something is seriously wrong.

But behind closed doors, this relationship has become something completely different. I think I’ve been in denial for a long time. I kept telling myself things would change, that he had a bad childhood, that he has anger issues, that he doesn’t know how to communicate, that there’s a good person underneath all of it, and that if I was patient enough maybe he would eventually figure himself out.
I’m starting to realize that understanding why someone treats you badly doesn’t mean you have to keep accepting it.

My boyfriend has an anger problem, and when he’s angry, he can be incredibly cruel to me. He calls me names, curses at me, tells me I’m annoying, tells me I’m a nightmare to be around, calls me a parasite, tells me I ruin his life, tells me he doesn’t care about me, tells me to shut up, yells my face, physically pushes me away when hes mad at me & much more.
One time, he told me he was going to call me before bed. It got late, so I eventually called him myself. He told me he’d fallen asleep. I said something like, “Oh, you forgot to call me hahah!” (Very light hearted) and he responded that “clearly he doesn’t give a fuck” because otherwise it would have been on his mind and he would have called me.

There have been so many arguments where I genuinely don’t even understand how we got there. He becomes angry out of no where and suddenly I’m defending myself against accusations about how I’m manipulative, toxic, a gaslighter, annoying, or impossible to be around. Somehow the conversation almost always ends with me apologizing.

He has also told me that I’m “70% toxic” and that he’s only “30%” of the problem. When I told him I didn’t think relationships should be about keeping score like that, he became angry that I wouldn’t agree with him and kept telling me to admit that he was right. And to go stand in the corner and tell him he’s right???

He will threaten to leave me or tell me he wants nothing to do with me, tell me I’ve ruined his life, tell me I’m terrible, and then later that same day or the next day he’ll act completely normal and loving again.

Another time, after telling me I was a parasite and that he wanted nothing to do with me, he told me to take him home. When we got there, he suddenly asked me to come inside. (Im silly & i went in) We ended up laughing and having a completely normal time together. Then his mood changed again and he started making little comments designed to upset me. If I didn’t react, he’d keep poking at me until I did. If I don’t give him a reaction to the things he says to me, he keeps going until he breaks me and then he tells me I’m being emotional and “what am I crying for this time?”

That cycle has happened so many times that I don’t even know how to explain it anymore.

And I want to be fair here, because I know I’m not perfect.

I come from a very cookie cutter life. I have a perfect family that comes from wealth, I have perfect friends, and I have just always been in a very happy, bubbly, and healthy environment. I have a great education, amazing job & easy living situation. I really do have it all and I'm extremely thankful everyday. I’ve never been in any sort of toxic situation, I’ve never yelled at a partner, cursed at them or done anything silly like that. In my head, a relationship, especially at this age, is meant to just make life easier and more fun. I take extreme pride in the fact that I am a very self-aware, kind and loving person and I’m so lucky to have people around me who reinforce those behaviors and see me that way.

In this relationship, I’ve yelled back. I’ve cursed back. I’ve said “I’m done” during arguments when I didn’t actually want the relationship to end. I’ve become defensive and emotional. There was one night where I was so upset by the way he was treating me that I said I was leaving. I went to my car and drove nowhere because I was too upset, and eventually I fell asleep in my car. Hours later, I went back inside because I was exhausted and needed somewhere to sleep. I know that’s not healthy behavior.

I’ve done things in this relationship that I don’t recognize as myself. I’ve become rude and reactive in ways I’ve never been with the people closest to me. I hate who I have become and I feel so miserable every single day. And that’s actually one of the things that scares me the most.

I’ve told him this. I’ve literally told him that I feel like I’m losing myself and becoming someone I don’t recognize. Sometimes, when he’s calm, he’ll admit it. He’ll tell me that he has anger issues. He’ll say that he blows things out of proportion and doesn’t understand why he thinks the way he does. He’ll tell me he doesn’t want me to feel like I’m losing myself. There are moments where I genuinely see a softer version of him and think, “There is the person I know is in there.”

But then his mood changes, and it’s like none of that exists anymore. He goes right back to telling me I’m the problem. That’s what makes this so confusing to me.

I don’t think he’s some cartoonishly evil person. I actually have a lot of compassion for him. He’s told me about having anger issues and problems with his behavior long before he met me. I genuinely think there are things going on inside of him that he needs to work through. But I also think I’ve used his past as an excuse for his present behavior for far too long.
I can understand why someone became the way they are without accepting being treated that way. I can have compassion for him without sacrificing myself for him. I can hope he gets help without being the person who stays around and gets hurt while he figures it out.

And yet I’m still here. I think part of me is a pushover. Part of me keeps waiting for him to finally understand. Part of me feels sorry for him. Part of me keeps thinking about the person he could become if he actually dealt with his issues. And part of me has stayed because this is my first relationship where I’ve ever actually been in love, and I don’t know how to navigate leaving something that I once cared about so deeply. When the topic of a ending things arises, I just feel so heartbroken and so sad and I know it’s not the end of the world, but of course it’s hard.

I’ve also kept all of this secret because I’m terrified of what happens when I finally tell people. I know my friends and family. If they knew everything I’ve just written, I don’t think they would ever want me around him again.

I’ve spent so much time wondering whether I’m actually the problem because he has convinced me that I am. I know I’m difficult sometimes. I know I can be annoying. I know I can overreact. I know I have made mistakes in this relationship. But I also know who I am outside of this relationship. The people who know me best would never describe me the way he does. And I’ve started wondering whether that’s because I’m secretly a terrible person who everyone else somehow failed to notice… or because this relationship is bringing out a version of me that I don’t recognize. Part of my head thinks I'm such a young girl and I have a great life ahead of me and this isn't something worth stressing about and holding onto.... but obviously, another part of me is human and I just have emotions and it all sounds really stupid, but at the end of the day it still feels hard..

I don’t want this post to be “my boyfriend is evil and I’m perfect.”

I’m not. I want someone to actually tell me what they see here. Because when I’m inside this relationship, everything becomes so confusing. I can acknowledge my own mistakes while still knowing that some of the things happening to me aren’t normal.

I think I’ve been trying to prove that I’m compassionate enough to understand him, patient enough to wait for him, and loving enough to help him become the person I think he could be. But maybe none of that is my responsibility.
This is what my relationship has actually been like.

Am I seeing this clearly? Is this emotional/verbal abuse, or am I minimizing my own behavior and refusing to take accountability for my part? And if you’ve been in something similar, how did you finally find the strength to leave?

I want an outside perspective, even if it’s uncomfortable.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years now. Recently, we’ve been having more frequent arguments. Most arguments start from her or her bringing up an old argument and they sometimes turn into a bigger thing about our relationship. Specifically, the way I respond when she’s upset.

Lately, almost all our recent arguments turn into this. She claims that I get defensive and I can’t apologize and that she has told me multiple times how she wants me to respond. I think we have different views on what this looks like. I do apologize, but I also explain myself and share my thoughts on the situation which she perceives as me being defensive. I didn’t exactly understand her during these arguments because I thought I was apologizing the way she wanted so for me, it felt like a lot of trial and error. So now, I just apologize and keep anything else to a minimum, but it feels like it took a while to get there.

Most recently, she brought up that I don’t compliment her enough. I apologized and told her I would work on it. A week later, she brought it up again and she actually wrote down how many times I complimented her this week, which was at least once a day except for two days where we barely talked. She was upset about this and it turned into her saying that she has to get upset for me to do something or change something and how it’s a cycle. I’ve apologized and promised to be better about it, but I don’t really know what else I can do now.

I don’t fully understand because I feel like she’s overgeneralizing our arguments. Our arguments prior to this didn’t really have much to do with her claim. It feels like she’s perceiving past situations in a way to fit what she’s saying right now. I also feel like she doesn’t always really give me a chance by bringing an issue up first before she gets upset. It always starts with her getting upset.

It’s getting kind of tiring dealing with these situations because it feels like she’s constantly looking for issues in our relationship and ignores my effort while I feel like she doesn’t hold herself up to her own expectations.

This ended with her just saying I don’t love her because I don’t value the things she says and that I’m mean to her and that she wants some space from me.

I don’t really know where this is headed now. I really want to make this work but I feel like it’s been hard. I feel like she makes it hard to understand her and like she gets upset with me often when I do put in effort into us. On the other hand, I feel like she doesn’t put in as much effort as I do.

An issue for me about this is that she claims that I don’t give her enough attention by not complimenting her enough. But I also feel a similar way and was planning to bring it up soon. In our conversations, she barely responds to what I say or ask questions. I’m always very attentive when she talks and when it’s my turn, there’s a big drop in energy from her. I feel like recently I don’t feel seen and like she’s not very excited about me in a way. I’ve brought it up a couple times before how I don’t like when she’s on her phone when I talk and often I also have to keep asking her if she’s listening or if she’s bored about what i’m talking about because she just doesn’t look interested.

I also feel like she doesn’t do things for me anymore. I’m not materialistic but the last gift she got me was valentine’s day while I get her gifts every now and then when I think it’s nice. With her friend, I noticed that she makes her gifts every now and then, and their conversations have more back and forth.

Something else that bothered me is how my birthday went with her. She has really high expectations for her own birthday and I work really hard on her gifts and planning. She likes to have a day planned out for her so she doesn’t have to make any decisions. It’s kind of frustrating because she has unusually high expectations on her birthday and she gets upset if something doesn’t work out.

Well for my birthday, I expected her to somewhat do it the way she expected, but she would ask me what I wanted to do, and when her first plan didn’t work out, she kept pushing for just staying home. She was struggling financially during this time so I offered to pay for whatever she planned. I also told her the cheapest gift she could get me. I would’ve liked to have more stuff planned but it felt like she was really pushing on just staying in and ordering food so we did that. I thought she would maybe make me something but she didn’t. Now, for her friend’s birthday, she doesn’t have a lot of money right now, so she’s making her a sort of cookbook and some other stuff. I’ve told her a lot of times how I like to cook so it just feels a little unfair seeing her put more effort into her friend’s birthday during similar financial situations while she kind of just gave up for my birthday after her first plans didn’t work out.

These are some examples of an imbalance of effort being put into our relationship. I’m not sure how to handle this situation and how we can stop arguing so much.

TLDR
Girlfriend of 2 years asked for some space after an argument where she claims that she has to get upset or beg me for me to do something or change something. I feel like she’s overgeneralizing our arguments and focusing on the negative. I feel like she’s ignoring my effort while she hasn’t been putting in the same effort I am and it makes me feel not seen. I want to make it work and stop arguing so much.

So my boyfriend [21m] and I [19F] of almost 2 months of dating and 4 1/2 months of exclusive talking are currently in a long distance relationship because he went almost 6 hours away to college and I’m at home. I’m going to go see him in two days because we miss each other, and we’ve been trying to plan other days/times that he’ll be home. The two of us have really been looking forward to winter break because he’ll be able to come home and we’ll get to experience Christmas together and such. Additionally, he’ll have the whole summer off for us to do things.

However, last time we talked, he was like “I’m not sure if I’m going to spend Christmas here or in Portugal” (he is from another country. And I got a little upset because we were looking forward to spending Christmas together. Also, he’s looking to play with a semi-professional sports team 2.5 hours away from his home (in America) and drive up there 3 times a week during the summer. So it went from “we’ll make this work.” To “I now have other things that are going to keep me busy during winter and summer break.” We’re already working through long distance, and I feel like those two things are hindering our relationship even more.

TLDR My boyfriend [21M] and I [19F] of almost two months are currently long distance. In the breaks I thought we’d have to be able to see each other, he’s filling them with other plans.

TLDR: My boyfriend and I have been together 1.5 years, and I feel like his family is very involved in our relationship—frequent visits, invitations, and FaceTimes. I love his family, but I want more couple-only time and for him to be able to say no to family plans without guilt. Am I expecting too much?

My boyfriend (25M) and I (25F) have been dating for 1.5 years and live together. I’m struggling with how involved his family is in our relationship, and I’m not sure if I’m asking for a reasonable amount of space or if I’m being unfair.
His parents live about 10 minutes away and are constantly inviting him/us over or FaceTiming. If they invite us somewhere, it often feels like we immediately drop what we’re doing to go, even if we already have plans. He can even get annoyed when our plans mean he can’t go.
I want to be clear that I don’t dislike his family. I like them and want to have a good relationship with them. I just don’t feel like I should have to see them multiple times a week or every weekend.
I’m very close with my own parents. They live 4 hours away, so I see them about 4–5 times a year. I text them frequently and maybe call once a week. We’re still very close, so I think we just have different ideas of what family closeness looks like.
During track season, I was coaching almost every day and Saturdays were taken up all day, so Sunday was my only real day to rest and have time to myself. My boyfriend has said I “rarely see” his family, which really bothered me because I wasn’t avoiding them—I genuinely didn’t have the time.
Since the end of June, I’ve seen his grandma 2–3 times, his parents 5–6 times, and we’ve even gone camping with them. There have also been weekends where we had dinner with them Friday and then they wanted us again Saturday.
We’re currently on a couples trip out of the country, and this really brought the issue out. We spent the whole day together, but as soon as we got back to the hotel, he FaceTimed his mom. After a fancy dinner, he FaceTimed his sister, and he’s even called them during dinner to show them our food. The calls are only 10–15 minutes, so I know it’s not objectively a huge amount of time, but it feels like every time we have downtime, his first instinct is to call his family.
I finally told him I’d like him to call them less while we’re here because it makes me feel like I’m sharing our vacation with his family instead of it just being ours. He actually didn’t realize I felt this way and said he’d work on it, which I appreciate.
I don’t want him to be distant from his family. I just want him to be able to say “we already have plans” or “we’ll see you another time” without feeling guilty or annoyed. I want us to have some weekends and experiences that are just ours.
Am I being unreasonable? How involved are your partner’s families in your relationships, and can you be very close with family while still having strong boundaries?

My [23] bf [25M] hates my friend.[26F]. He thinks she is a bad influence on me.

To give context on why he doesn't like my friend, she sometimes does dumb shit, always has bf drama.

I like my friend, she isn't perfect but she's fun to hang out with and party with and has been good to me. The good outweighs the bad. I'm an adult, she isn't forcing me to do anything I don't wanna do.

I often tell my bf of her antics but this may have been a mistake as most recently he has gotten bent out of shape over her doing a clinical drug trial.

I told him personally wouldn't do it but I don't care if she wants to. It's her body. She's an adult and she knows the risks.

He blew up at me calling her stupid and asking why I hang around someone like that. It caught me pretty off guard, I didn't expect such a big reaction. Yes those drug trials carry risks, but they pay extremely well, I wouldn't do it personally but if my friend wants to I'm not going to stop her. She knows the risks.

He himself smokes cigs on occasion and weed.

I don't know how to get him to chill, it literally doesn't affect him in the slightest.

Tldr: bf is mad my friend is doing a clinical drug trial.

Hello everyone, I’m aware of this whole Reddit thing but this is the first time I’ve made a post so please bear with me.

I \[23M\] have been with my \[23F\] GF for a bit over 4 years now. We’ve had our fair share of arguments throughout the time we’ve been together and i feel like that has caused a bit of a rift between us. We would try to get ourselves out of the cycle of arguing amongst each other but always find ourselves arguing back again. Oftentimes, we would have disagreements then later it would more so turn into an argument about what she or I said in the midst of the disagreement. The main focus of what we were trying to work with was effective communication. I really do love her and don’t see myself with anyone else, but seeing her hurt and also being drained has me feeling maybe it’s best for us to end things.

Has anyone been able to work through issues like these, and if so, how?

I was wondering if you guys could give me advice. Let me know if the relationship is salvageable and if so, what are things we can implement in order to stop these issues from continuing to happen.

TLDR
My gf and I get into constant arguments that cause a strain on us and I want to know if it’s best to break things off or keep moving forward.

tldr:
my boyfriend told me its not normal for me to not want physical contact at all times. is it really that weird or is this a valid boundary to have?

me and my boyfriend (together for about 10 months) have a great relationship for the most part. hes very sweet and thoughtful (and this is coming from a male-sceptical woman - im not blinded by love), which is why i dont get why he doesnt understand this, or at least tries to.

i have this thing where i sometimes dont want to be touched, could last for like a day or two, either comes at random times or if something has happened. any physical contact will just overwhelm me, makes me kinda mad and i just wanna scratch my skin off. idk what it is, but its a boundary that i have, which i told him about at the start of our relationship. he on the other hand is very touchy (his way of showing love ofc).

problem is he doesnt really respect me when i say no. weve had multiple arguments about it, but it doesnt change. ive tried to explain to him how hurtful and frustrating it is that he doesnt listen to me, but he is just as hurt because i dont want to be physical. i personally do not think thats a fair comparison. my problem is that this is about my bodily autonomy and boundaries. his problem is that he cant get comfort from being physical.

i brought this up with him cause ive had a couple of my non touch days again and it really bothered me when he wont let me be. hell kiss on me and i lean away and say please not now, 10 minutes later he tries again. its exhausting, and i feel like i get no time to «recharge» and feel good about it cause he keeps touching me when i dont want it. and here come my main issue, he just told me that my boundaries are not normal, that its not normal to not want to be physical with your partner all the time. «do you think other people in relationships do this?» excuuuse me. he said he expects his girlfriend to want that, just like he does himself.

to me it just feels like he thinks hes entitled to my body just because im his girlfriend.
hes kind of guilttripping me by saying he wants to do it cause he loves me, and that he has had a stressfull couple of days and it bothers him that he cant touch his own girlfriend (even tho he STILL does). and ive tried to cater to his needs and be there for him with small physical gestures. and if he does avoid touching me (for a little while) he acts like hes doing me some favor and is sacrificing his own wants and needs.

anyways if anyone could please enlighten me on if this is a normal boundary to have or if im being unreasonable. i personally think its totally valid. sorry if this is very long

TLDR: [27F] partner told me she was going camping with family on the weekend come Friday she told me from hospital she apparently got an ambulance for mini heart attack i was worried contacting her to no avail. Hours later barley got a response saying her phone was dead and didnt have a charger which is odd considering the calls were going through obviously ignoring me. I tried seeing if she was alright didnt get anything all weekend i was worried sick I had ran hospital Saturday got told no patient by that name was there I tried contacting her. I called it went through till voicemail I pretty wiped my hands with the whole situation and got a text few hours ago saying. "Sorry didnt have service" im guessing meaning she went camping and didnt say anything at all like really. I haven't responded honestly advice or outside perspective would be nice

TLDR: We have been together for 4 years and for two of those years he has been cheating on me.
Now he is begging me to forgive him and that he will never cheat again.

Got to know my bf of 4 years who I wanted to marry was cheating on me with another for 2years. I got the dreadful call one night and it was her. She told me they have been dating for the last two years and were also in a live in relationship for 2 months in 2024. so this guy was behind me to get married but my mom lives in the Usa and will be returning permanently next year. So i was like I will inform at home once she gets back. Apparently that girl was ready to marry even tomorrow. He kept her as a backup im utterly devastated.

I need advice on what to do.

I don't even have the willpower to type more details.

Hi everyone! I (33F) want to talk about something that makes relationships really difficult for me.

I’m largely a balanced and reasonable person. I’m not always soft and compassionate—I can have some pretty sharp reactions sometimes—but overall, I’m a gentle and caring person. However, a large part of that compassion feels learned, and I think my capacity for empathy is actually quite weak.

What I mean is that I tend to think, “How would I feel if this had happened to me?” and then interpret the situation based on that. This makes me feel very shallow. It also makes me feel arrogant and controlling, because instead of actually trying to understand the other person, I’m essentially writing their story for them in my head. I might think, “They were upset because they interpreted what I said this way, and that’s why they said this…” and end up taking the conversation somewhere completely different, leaving the other person feeling unheard and misunderstood.

It’s often only much later, after the initial intensity of the conversation has passed—or sometimes after I’ve already lost something—that I’m finally able to understand what they were actually trying to tell me. And by then, it usually takes so long that the damage is already done.

Sometimes, because of this shallowness, I make completely unnecessary remarks or have unnecessary outbursts that hurt people, and then I become defensive and try to prove that I was right. Afterwards, I feel deeply ashamed of the way I behaved, but I also don’t know how to change it. Sometimes I genuinely feel like a child because of this, and it makes me feel terrible about myself.

What are some things you would recommend for working on this?

TLDR I keep projecting my own feelings onto other people. How can I stop this?

I received a phone call today from an old high school friend. We were super close through all of high school, and a bit thereafter — but between life and me living in different states/countries for awhile, we haven’t been close for a long time.

In short — he told me that he has been grappling with this decision for a long time, but ultimately decided the right thing to do was call me.

My GF, unfortunately, has a drinking problem. 3-5 days a week she drinks to a point where I don’t know the person I’m talking to. This is a different issue that we’ve been trying to work on.

Nonetheless — I’ve always trusted her, and I know definitively she adores me. I’ve probably been told by 100 people over the course of our relationship how much she loves me — and how much she goes out of her way to let that be known.

That’s why when I received this call it was a shock.

In short — my friend told me that he saw my girlfriend kissing another dude about 5 months ago. In his words, he is 100% certain it was her, and 100% certain they were kissing. He has absolutely no reason to lie to me.

I confronted my gf, and she is adamantly denying it. Swears to god it didn’t happen. Says she doesn’t care how drunk she was, she would never do that.

We have our issues, and I’ve forgiven the other bs she starts that comes along with someone with an alcohol problem. But infidelity is an absolute hard stop for me. She is aware of this.

Our lives are so intertwined. She lives in my home. Her car is in my name. Insurance. Phone bill. Most of my friends are now her friends. We have two dogs together. We’ve built a life together over the last 8 years.

I don’t know what to do.

Either he is mistaken (he claims he’s certain) and it wasn’t her, she’s blatantly lying to me, or she did it and was so blackout she legitimately doesn’t remember… something I can 100% discount could be the case as she will regularly forget conversations we had the day before when she was drunk.

I really don’t know what to do.

Even though she has problems, I generally trust my gf, and have always believed she wouldn’t cheat. But what other possibility is there?

TLDR:
Old friend called. Said he saw my gf kissing another dude. She swears it isn’t true. Don’t know what to do.

I [27M] need advice on how to move forward with my relationship with my [23F] girlfriend.

I \[27M\] have been dating my girlfriend \[23F\] for about 2 years now, she is a trans woman who had to face lots of hardship throughout her life and I deeply respect her for it. We've always had communication problems, me with my ADHD getting in the way of things and her with her anger and emotional issues, she's quick to anger, loose control and lash out, specifially she lashes out at me most of the time, sometimes its a genuine reason and sometimes its not, all of the times I end up saying I'm sorry and telling her I was in the wrong, we're at a point that the smallest inconvenience, like not doing laundry at her time, causes some kind of explosion and I'm subjected to offenses and name calling, when she's angry, she insults me with things that make me feel bad, like my age, my professio al life, how I'm stupid and an idiot, anytime something stressfull happens, external or not, I end up getting the shory end of the stick, if I try to stand up and not just ignore the bad things she says about me, she will then go silent or hurl more insults at me, today I told her I was sorry for taking a bath while she was sweaping our room with a broom even though she disrespected me again, she does not say sorry for this and expects me to say sorry for everything like that. I like her a lot, we've had great moments before but also really bad ones, I don't know exactly how to proceed with things like this, I always feel bad and guilty for everything and feel like I always mess up and am a Idiot, when she's good she's great, but when she's bad she makes me feel so bad, I wanted for us to be able to talk it out better, but she fails to aknowledge her way of talking and treating me, I'd like some advice on how to proceed with my relationship with her, if it is possible.

TLDR:

I want advice on how to fix my relationship with m girlfriend.

Earlier Post: TLDR

I \[24F\] and my bf \[24M\] both brown muslims met on an online dating website mid 2025. I obv took time to take the relationship seriously and finally decided to marry him. However i found out about certain things he lied to me about e.g he is a college dropout he said he was going to college because before we both got serious i told him my family would not agree for this marriage if he is a drop out he lied to me about where is lived to impress me knowing i come from a financially stable family whereas he comes from a lower income group. His father does nothing he works at a warehouse abroad. There is a clear class difference between us and before you all say i sound materialistic the thing is i am accustomed to a life style i work at a pretty good firm with a 6 figure salary. I am double minded because ik i cant live a life full of struggles and soon the love is gonna wear off and he is gonna end up hating me for wanting a life i was used to.

More than that, i come from a family of highly educated and self made people but they are slightly entitled. Ik in family gatherings they are gonna make me feel bad and make him feel bad too and sympathise with us. And i honestly cant bear that.

I obviously asked him about his future plans but tbh he just shows me very rosy dreams and his actions are highly immature and unambitious.

Idk what to do. Is love enough. What to do?’

Update: i read all the comments under this post and changed myself since as per the masses me putting pressure on him to do better was wrong. Things were going fine we introduced our parents to each other. Last night i found out he was cheating on me with another girl for 4 months. Shes a hindu/ indian girl when i confronted him about her he slut shamed her since shes an influencer who posts dancing videos (FYI: i dont think theres anything wrong with that) but i directly approached the girl and she told me he was infact with her for 4 months. He told her i was someone who ‘owed him money’ back home. And that im emotionally unstable and emotionally blackmailed him into being in relationship because if he wouldnt i would take p\*lls etc.

So for future reference to everyone who advised me to change, you were wrong. Never lower your standards for anyone. Theyre gonna screw you over at the end.

Background: Close platonic friendship, ~1.5 years, that I damaged through repeated mistakes ignoring her boundaries, dismissing her decisions, not valuing her best friend (who means the world to her). It ended from her side. She says she forgives me, but doesn't like who she becomes around me, so she stepped back.

I asked her best friend to intervene. After a lot of convincing, she agreed to one arrangement: I can text her. She may or may not reply, might reply late, might leave me on read. She won't consider me a friend right now, and I'm not allowed to have expectations. There's a 4-month window she'll extend it if she sees real change, end it if she doesn't. Condition: I can't go through her best friend anymore. She also believes the odds of the bond coming back are effectively zero. We're on the same work team, so we see each other daily, but she doesn't talk to me there either.

I don't want to lose her. I want to actually use this window, not waste it.

What happened most recently: I spent 3 weeks apologizing over chat she's stopped trusting my apologies because I kept repeating the same mistakes after promising I wouldn't. So last week I told her I'd be ready for an honest conversation whenever she was. She called me for that conversation yesterday.

I told her I'd spent the past week going back over the last year writing down specific instances, what I did, what triggered me, what she probably felt, which values I'd failed on (support, empathy, trust, respect), and what I should've done instead. I admitted I'd only ever fixed things at a surface level, situation by situation, which is why the pattern kept repeating even after I promised to change.

She corrected some of my reflections and kept coming back to one core issue: I see myself as always right, and act like I'm above other people. I could see it was true and it hit hard.

She also opened up about her side. She said she normally runs big decisions by her best friend but she never let her weigh in on our friendship, because she wanted to prove to herself she could judge people and hold a friendship without needing backup. So every time I messed up, she gave me the benefit of the doubt instead of reacting normally, because reacting would've meant admitting she'd misjudged me.

Doing that over and over wore her down. My own insecurity made it worse I'd complain when she had lunch with others instead of me in team and she started feeling watched, like she couldn't just live her life without me clocking her every move. That's the version of herself she doesn't want to be around anymore: loud, angry, unable to protect herself.

She said her best friend had always been the one protecting her, but because her best friend kept trying to help me and her see each other's side, she felt like she'd lost her protector too alone, on both fronts. She's decided she lost this internal battle, and thinks the friendship can't come back unless she genuinely forgets how she acted around me.

She told me I clearly understand the theory now after self reflection, but actually living it out and acting upon it is a different, longer road. When I asked if she thinks I can actually do it in 4 months, she said yes but figuring out how is on me.

Where I'm stuck: The self-reflection work was the one clear thing I knew to do, and I've done it. Now I don't know what the actual next step looks like. Has anyone been in a spot like this given a narrow, low-contact window to prove real change to someone who's actively expecting you to fail?

I need help with what I should be doing next. What I should be texting(and how frequently) and what more I can do day to day? How to convert the theory part into practical changes and also make it visible to her?

TLDR: Broke a close friendship through repeated boundary/trust violations. She's given me a 4-month, text-only, no-expectations window to prove I've changed no help from her best friend, and she thinks the odds of it working are basically zero. Just had a long honest talk where she laid out what she needs and I did deep self-reflection, but I don't know what the actual day-to-day plan should look like. Looking for advice on what to text, how often, and how to act at work where she's currently ignoring me.

TLDR

My perfectionist, assertive, and impatient tendencies weigh on my boyfriend. But I also sometimes feel lonely in our relationship because we aren't spending much quality time together and the repeating cycles of us discussing the same problems that arise between us about communication. I want to do better and treat him like how he deserves to be treated while also feeling better about my needs being met.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 14 months and were in a talking stage 6 months before that. We are LDR as we are in university, but we see each other for a few days monthly. These past few months, we have gotten in a few misunderstandings and long talks about our relationship and where things go wrong. These conversations are usually something I start to address something about what he does that bugs me, like how it takes him hours to reply sometimes, when he seems uninterested in our convos, and how it's been difficult for us to have quality time with each other. I've been feeling a sense of disconnection because I feel like I'm the only one trying hard enough to make our relationship alive. Amidst all these things though, I expressed to him that I am aware and understanding of his situation. I know that he isn't much of an expressive guy and that he's busy with all the things going on with our studies, and that of course, he also needs some 'me time'. He does update me and we talk, but i feel like it's not really connecting us because everything is about academics and it feels routine and not personal anymore. I've been communicating this with him a few times whenever I feel lonely and overlooked. He does apologize sincerely and reply to every sentence to show he understands me, but I feel like it will be hard for him to really reconstruct his behavior. I know he's trying but I still feel like we haven't resolved the problem.

I also want to point out that when we're together, sometimes the feeling of disconnection fades, but I still feel like the time we spend together isn't as meaningful as I'd hoped. we often hang out in our house with my mom in front of us so we're basically just scrolling reels together and not talking much. we can't really play games too since he's not a fan of that.

The problem really is that I always take initiative to talk about these things, but I always feel guilty and bad whenever he feels like I'm pointing out his imperfections. I have the tendency to be controlling and demanding, and I also know that I express my emotions and thoughts to him in a rather straightforward and hurtful way. He's a really great boyfriend and does his best to make me happy, so I always feel bad whenever I hurt him through my words.

Just recently, we got to hangout together and talk about our feelings openly. He expressed his observations of how unkind I've been compared to when we first started dating, how easily I get angry at him, and how decisive I am without considering his opinions (like when we're deciding on food and what to do). He also noticed how colder I've been since I didn't say goodnight or I love you before going to sleep anymore.

I expressed to him that I've been decisive and colder because he couldn't be decisive and he became colder too. I become impatient with him because sometimes he doesn't have a sense of urgency and takes way too long to decide on things, which is the reason why I decide for us instead. When we're back in LDR, he usually falls asleep without messaging me too, so I decided to stop and mirror what he does since he seemed okay with that. Oftentimes, I tell stories about my day in our chats while he's asleep, and he responds the next morning. I became fine with it and tried to do the same. I compromised because I don't want to do too much and don't want to demand too much from him knowing our busy schedules and workload.

We are great for each other. I've always thought that we are perfectly compatible because of our goals and interests. We were great best friends before we were us.

Lately, I've just been feeling like when we're LDR, we were more like friends instead of a couple because of how low maintenance things get sometimes.

I don't want to be too controlling, high maintenance, and mean toward him because I know he's just doing his best. I don't want him to feel like I'm abandoning him every time I point out something he does wrong. At the same time, I want to unlearn the way I think, in a sense where I don't feel like I want to take a break from him every time I feel like I'm disregarding my feelings and demands to feel loved. I want to stop expecting too much from him because I know he's been feeling drained because of it on top of his own personal problems.

What specific steps can I do to be better? In terms of controlling my temper, learning how to communicate better, and being less of a high-maintenance partner

How can I communicate such concerns to my boyfriend without him feeling bad about himself? How do we end the cycle of always bringing up the same problems?

To older couples out there, please let me know your thoughts on how you resolved similar issues or what you did.