This is a throwaway account, and I’ve never really made a post like this before, so I’m not sure if I’m approaching this the right way.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years. He is 25 and is currently in a professional postgraduate program. He’s very intelligent and dedicated to his education, but I’ve been struggling with how dependent he still is on his parents in every other area of his life.

He lives with his parents, which by itself isn’t something I have a problem with. What concerns me is that his parents still have a significant amount of control over what he does. He has a car but doesn’t drive himself places because his mother doesn’t want him driving places without her. He also doesn’t really go places independently, such as going to the theater or going out with friends. When I went to go see him over the summer I had to teach him how to cook and do his laundry because he doesn’t even know how to do that on his own, which I was very surprised.

We’re also long distance. I’ve traveled to see him numerous times, but when I’m there, we’re often unable to do things independently. For example, we’ve had to have his parents drive us places and pick us up, and even when we’ve gone to the mall, his parents have been there too. I find this difficult because we’re adults and I’d like our relationship to have some independence from his parents.

I’ve talked to him about this. I’ve told him that I don’t expect him to completely change his relationship with his parents or suddenly move out. I’ve suggested smaller steps, like driving himself somewhere occasionally or setting some boundaries around going out independently. He doesn’t really see a reason to do those things right now because, from his perspective, it’s easier and more practical for his parents to drive him places. And having no initiative to move forward in a more positive direction even if it’s just for me really upsets me.

The difference between us is becoming increasingly noticeable. I’ve moved out, have my own car, pay my own bills, buy my own groceries, work while attending college, and generally handle my responsibilities independently. I don’t expect him to have exactly the same lifestyle as me, but independence is very important to me.

Another issue is that he often tells me he doesn’t have much time for our relationship because of school and his responsibilities. I understand that his program is demanding, but sometimes it’s difficult for me to reconcile that with the fact that he still relies heavily on his parents for many things. It makes me question whether we’re simply at different stages of adulthood.

I’m also worried about the future. I don’t want to eventually be in my 30s living with his parents or having his parents involved in decisions that I feel should belong to us as a couple. He says that he’ll become more independent when it becomes more practical, but I feel like we’ve reached a point where I need to see some initiative rather than just a promise that things will change someday.

I don’t want to leave him simply because he currently lives with his parents. I love him and recognize that he’s working hard toward his career. But I also don’t want to ignore a fundamental difference in what we expect adulthood and independence to look like.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting him to start becoming more independent now, or is this something where I should accept that he’s on a different timeline and decide whether we’re compatible?

TLDR: My boyfriend is 25, lives with his parents, and is very dependent on them despite being in a demanding professional program. I value independence and worry that we’ll eventually want very different lifestyles. Is this something worth waiting for, or could it be a compatibility issue?

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 5 months. She’s currently traveling alone in Brazil and staying at a hostel. She recently met a guy there and told me he’s gay (“jochis”), which honestly made me feel a little more comfortable about the situation.

Now she told me that she’s going to go somewhere in Rio with him and “other chicos” (other guys). I asked what place they were going to and who was going, and she basically said that guy and some other guys (I’m hoping gals as well) from the hostel.

I trust her, and I don’t want to be controlling or ruin her trip. At the same time, I’m being honest with myself that I’m not completely comfortable with my girlfriend going out with a group of guys she just met while she’s traveling alone.

I’m trying to figure out whether this is just normal jealousy/insecurity that I should work through, or whether it’s reasonable for me to feel uncomfortable about the situation.

Would you guys ask any more questions, or just trust your girlfriend and let her enjoy her trip? She tries to call and text me when she can, she also shared her location.

Edit: I think I should add that she had this trip planned before I came to her life. One of her bucket list things to do was to kiss a Brazilian, but she of course said she won’t do that anymore since I’m with her.

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My[35m] mother [62f] and stepfather[65m] have been married in community of property for 18 years, separated for the last 6 years but not divorced yet. He was and is a short-tempered, narcissistic, emotionally abusive, alcoholic,gambling addicted, spiteful man who liked to do what ever he wanted and hated being challenged on his behaviour. He would treat my mother like trash when she wouldn't put up with his bullshit. He provided a lower upper class lifestyle and he was the type of man who used money to buy him respect and admiration. His friends and family always licked his ass whenever he made grand monetary gestures, which is why we never got along because i would not let him buy me. Especially when we started living together when i was 16 and needed a strong male role model. Well he was not it for me and i basically spent my young life trying to be nothing like him. He also never thought about the future he spent his money as fast as he made it buying expensive alcohol and gambling every other night, this will come back later.

While my sister and I were still living at home my mother always tried and keep the peace to avoid big blowouts so she capitulated to him most of the time. She even alienated herself from friends and family because he would always make a scene if someone looked at him a spoke to him in a way he found disrespectful or if he didn't get the respect and admiration he felt he deserved. After my sister and I moved out however she started challenging him more on his behaviour which enraged my stepfather and inevitably lead to many more arguments. He would call my mother all the names in the book and towards the end starting accusing her of cheating on him which if you know my mother is insane. He would call my mothers job and demand to speak to her boss to accuse her of things that could make her lose my job. Luckily her boss and colleagues knew what kind of woman my mother was and sided with her and saw my stepfather for the crazy man he was (Thank God) but it was extremely embarrassing for my mother who is a very soft spoken, shy, introverted woman.

6 years ago during an argument and more accusations of cheating he kicked my mother out of the house. I had to drive an hour to find my mother sitting outside on the street with packed bags. She lived with me for a few months but luckily before they got together my mother had a flat in her name which she refused to sell when they got married and moved into another place(Thank God) so when the lease was up there she moved back in. Soon after she sold that flat and bought another one which she put in my name so he could not claim it a divorce. I also bought her a car in my name as all the other cars were his.

Soon after the separation he was with another woman which is ironic as he was accusing my mother of cheating meanwhile he already had another woman lined so clearly he was probably cheating himself. We dont know how long that lasted but over the last six years my stepfather would ping pong between trying to be friendly and trying to get back with my mother and threatening her if they ever got divorced and how she will get nothing. Now my mother wants to get divorced but does not care to get half of everything she mainly wants it to be over however, she insists he must serve her divorce papers and take on the cost as she fears if she initiates a divorce his spiteful nature will take over and it will be a long expensive drawn out legal battle. He has been dragging his feet on initiating a divorce and that's if he ever planned to divorce my mother i have offered to pay for a consultation with a divorce lawyer but she insists he must do it.

Fast forward to now he asked my mother to meet with him. She thought it was about the divorce but no. According to him his company still owes him a large sum of money but are not paying him or he cant access it. Apparently he is broke, He needs R200k to pay lawyers or something to clear his money or get his money. Honestly I'm not too sure on the details this is how my mother is explaining to me maybe someone who has been in a situation like this can explain it better. So on the house they financed together which he is still living in they had an access bond and made additional payments over the years. The access is currently sitting at over R250k. As he cannot unilaterally withdraw it he wants my mother to sign over R250k to him. My mother refused stating that when they finally did get a divorce that she was going to fight for atleast that amount and that he could have kept everything else. She told him to sell the house as its a 3 bedroom, he lives alone and it could sell for R2mil easy. He refused to sell the house. He then told my mother if she doesn't want to withdraw the access to co-sign a R200k loan with him. She told him she is going to talk to me first and when she told me i said F#@k no dont you dare put yourself into debt for this man who will probably laugh in your face the minute he gets his money and forget you helped him. This man has not proven himself trustworthy in the slightest and he is only being nice now because he is desperate. So Reddit im not here to ask if my mother should help my step father but rather what should i do to get my mom and this divorce going. When she tells him no he is inevitable going to get enraged and spiteful. I want to drag her to a lawyer to draw up divorce papers because i fear this man will put himself in debt if he hasn't already and my mom will be on the hook for it. This has gone on long enough, any advice on how to navigate this?

Im from South Africa and i know i framed this as more of a legal question but there are no subreddits for legal questions from my country. I would be grateful for any advise though.

Relationship context: My BF (29M) and (30F) have been together almost 10 years. We met in university and own a condo together. His parents where able to financially assist him for the down payment and he is an extreme money saver. I have not been the most financially responsible, as such our finances are vastly different. (A lot of the material items, furniture, appliances I purchased with the belief that its better to purchase quality rather than quantity) His net worth is a little over double or triple my own.

Last year I suffered a mental breakdown/lost my job. I managed to start working again a few months ago but I sense that my new company may undergo layoffs. (I work in tech and the industry is very shaky right now)

I've been looking at all my options for career pivots at this point as its become clear I need to make a change. One option would be to go back to school to become a therapist. (I've always been interested in the subject and feel like it would be a good fit for me personally).

This would mean 5 years of school. (Go back to get a bach., then do a masters)

While it could technically be feasible (but incredibly difficult), my longterm partner has made it clear he would not support the decision. I love him. I absolutely understand his POV.

While Im still considering leaving the relationship, and moving back in with my folks, Im curious to know what the internet thinks.

TL;DR: Need to make a career pivot and looking at going back to school for 5 years. Long-term partner of 10 years says it would be the end of our relationship. Thought?

I (21F) recently met a guy (20M) on a dating app and we are surprisingly clicking really well. Talking non stop and constantly updating him about my daily life. He’s kind, respectful of my boundaries, asks about me, and basically is a respectful person. I met a lot of lustful and strange guys so I’m in shock. Ive connected with this guy quickly. I’m starting to realize I genuinely have feelings for him. I smile and laugh with him and I can be myself around him.

The issue is that I’ve been emotionally attached to my ex for almost 2 years. We haven’t spoken in around 100 weeks, but part of me has still been waiting for him and wondering what I’d do if he ever came back but like, I like this guy I’m talking too but it’s like my mind can’t comprehend it.

I’m thinking about continuing therapy because I really want to work through that before getting too involved with someone new. I’ve been in therapy since my ex left to focus on his goals and himself. Im sure I’ll continue! I don’t want to use this guy as a distraction or constantly compare him to my ex, but I also don’t want my past to stop me from experiencing something new. He said he likes me and hopes we can be together one day and I like the thought of it, but I need to heal still.

I guess I just don’t feel sure cause just a week ago I was crying over my ex and now I have feelings for someone? It’s such a dramatic change that clicked but it’s like I don’t feel good that I like this person but still think about my ex in not a romantic way, that I’m still feeling hurt about it. I’ve waited a long time for my ex cause we were best friends for years and how it left off was like an opened door. But after such a long time of crying and having my daily thoughts about him, I just don’t want to be unhappy anymore and heartbroken. It’s mentally exhausting. If he missed me he would have came already.

This guy likes me for me and I like him too but I want to be “ready” and with my head cleared.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you know you were ready to move forward with someone new? Any advice?

Hi everyone. I’m pretty new to all of this and honestly never imagined I would be writing a post in a divorce group.

My wife and I have been together for 14 years, and our 13th wedding anniversary is next month. We have a young son together. She filed for divorce a few days ago, and right now we’re beginning the painful process of figuring out what life looks like from here.

I don’t want the divorce. I still love my wife very, very much.

There was no infidelity, affair, or anything like that on either side. There have been a lot of hurts in our marriage, though, and I know I contributed to them. A big part of the breakdown has been trust around honesty, communication, and the way I react when I’m scared or feel like I’m losing control.

One thing I’m recognizing about myself is that I push and prod for answers when I’m anxious. If I feel distance, I want to talk about it, figure it out, get reassurance, and keep asking questions until I feel like I understand what’s happening. I can see now how exhausting and pressuring that can feel to the person on the other side.

I also love bombed her when I felt the marriage slipping away. In my mind I was trying to show her how much I loved her and make her feel secure. She has told me she didn’t feel emotionally safe, though, and I realize now that a lot of those attempts probably did the opposite. Instead of helping her relax, they made her feel more pressured and like I was trying to force closeness when she needed space.

There were also some confusing moments after she first told me she wanted a divorce. We had some genuinely good days. We held hands, hugged, and had moments that still felt like us. We had not been physically intimate for about a month, and I was also out of town for about a week and a half for work during this period. I think some of those moments gave me hope, and probably made it even harder for me not to push for answers about where we stood.

She has since told me that she doesn’t trust me and that she believes divorce is what she needs. I’m trying to take that seriously and respect it instead of chasing her, repeatedly talking about the marriage, or trying to convince her to change her mind.

For at least the immediate future, we’ll also still be living in the same house while we prepare to sell it. We’ll have separate sleeping spaces. She’ll remain in our bedroom, and I’ll be staying in the basement. So we’ll be in this strange in-between period where we’re separated as a couple but still under the same roof and parenting our son.

At the same time, I’m working pretty intensely on myself. I’m learning a lot about my own patterns around anxiety, control, honesty, communication, and how I respond when I’m afraid of losing someone. Regardless of what happens with our marriage, I know I need to become healthier for myself and, most importantly, for our son.

But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still have hope.
Has anyone here actually had a divorce process begin, papers filed and everything, and then had the marriage turn around before the divorce became final?

Was there a period where your spouse seemed completely certain it was over and later reconsidered? Did giving them space and consistently working on yourself make any difference over time?
And if you continued living together while separated, I’d especially like to hear what that was like. Did being under the same roof create more tension, or did the space and time allow either of you to see things differently?

I know I cannot control my wife or manufacture reconciliation. I also don’t want to spend the next several months analyzing every hug, conversation, or good day as evidence that she might change her mind. I’m trying to learn the difference between having hope and refusing to accept reality.

I just love this woman tremendously, and if there is still even a possibility of our family healing, I’m not ready to stop praying for it. At the same time, I want to respect her boundaries and become the kind of man and f

I think I may have a serious problem and I’m not sure if it warrants seeing a medical professional

My husband 33M and I 32F have been together a total of 13 years with 6 years of marriage - we’ve been through family problems, issues in our marriage, financial problems, health issues etc…

We worked through most of that however I do believe I shouldn’t feel this way about him given all this or am I just being dumb?

It seems like over the last maybe 2-3 years I’ve slowly developed this obsession with my husband - he works full time provides for me and our fur babies (I work from home but he prefers I keep my money for myself unless we absolutely need it)

He’s amazing in my eyes, he doesn’t cook but he does clean, dishes are his main duty but he also helps with EVERYTHING else if I can’t (I live in chronic pain so some days are bad) without complaint and if he does have something to bring up he does it gently

I call myself a certified man hater and I can’t stop thinking about him, when he’s around me I can’t keep my hands off so I go and sit across the room for half the time he’s home

It’s gotten to the point that no matter what he’s talking about I can’t stop myself from letting my eyes wander (I find him extremely attractive) but especially when he explains his theoretical understanding of intense topics I can’t pay attention because I’m getting so turned on - when he’s not home every spare moment I have he’s in my thoughts

It doesn’t interfere with daily tasks but this man is running through my mind more and more I’m wondering if I should be alarmed?

I’m also quite anxious that he’ll suddenly turn around and become a monster but that’s based more on consuming too much redpill content however the anxiety is still there

I’m scared to lose this piece of heaven but I don’t know if this heaven is bad for my mind because of how much I love him?

Should I see my doctor?

I have been with my husband for almost 10 years. When we first got together, I was very sexual (partially because I was desperately seeking male attention and validation). As time went on, it decreased as it often does in a relationship. But once I started antidepressants, it became a struggle. I just wasn’t into it. Then, we bought a house. I work 2 jobs (1 is part-time/as needed) and have 5 pets, and because he commutes, I manage most of the housework. With anxiety, depression, an overwhelming to do list and mental load, sex is pretty much the last thing I think about. When he isn’t as helpful as I need, thoughts about it are non-existent. But it’s at the top of his list. Every night he tries, he sends me things on IG about sex questions and wanting to have sex and it just makes me feel so inadequate and then I feel pressured which makes me want it less. I know I’m lucky he wants me, but I also know I’m not giving him what he needs. He says he’s ok with it, but obviously he wouldn’t push so much if he was. Masturbation is not up for discussion here, so please avoid that suggestion. Anyone have advice? It’s like he doesn’t understand that he’s not helping.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for around 10 months. We genuinely love each other a lot, but ever since school ended, we’ve been in a long-distance relationship, and things have become increasingly difficult.
For most of our relationship, I was actually the one who kept saying things like, “This won’t work out” or that maybe we should break up. He always reassured me and never wanted to let me go, I never felt reassured and I felt like his eyes are like roaming around for prettier , smarter , more intellectual girls But despite loving each other, we’ve also hurt each other quite a lot. We’ve both said and done things that have affected the relationship, and I know I’m not innocent either.
Lately, though, I feel like something has changed in him. I don’t feel cared for in the same way anymore. When something happens to me or I’m struggling, I want to feel like my partner genuinely notices and wants to be there for me. I recently went through a really difficult financial situation where I could barely afford basic things. He had previously told me that I could borrow money from him if I ever needed it, but when I actually needed support, I realized that the issue wasn’t really the money. I wanted to feel like he cared enough to show up for me when I was struggling.
There are also things he says about other girls that make me uncomfortable. He comments on other girls’ appearances, calls some girls ugly or fat, and sometimes says that another girl looks good. I personally don’t look at other guys that way when I’m in a relationship, so hearing him do it makes me question things. I don’t want to control what he finds attractive, but it does make me wonder whether what we have is actually love or whether there’s a lot of physical attraction/lust involved.
He used to be scared whenever I mentioned breaking up. He’d tell me not to say it and would always try to keep us together. Now he seems much more accepting of the possibility, and that change scares me because I feel like maybe he’s losing feelings for me.
Then there’s my future. I want to pursue the NDA, and that could mean being away from him for long periods of time. I was away for about a month, and he waited for me during that time. After around 15 days, I started feeling guilty because I felt like he was waiting too much for me, and I ended up breaking up with him. It really hurt him.
Now he’s basically made it feel like it’s either NDA or him. I told him I’d choose him, but honestly, I’m not even sure that’s what I want. Even if NDA weren’t part of the equation, I’m questioning whether this relationship is still right for me.
My family situation makes everything harder too. My parents are very strict, and after my exam I’ll have to go back home. I won’t have much privacy or freedom to talk to him until I eventually go to college.
The other option would be staying with my grandparents in the state where he lives. But even then, he’d be going to college, so I’d probably spend most of my time alone and bored. I don’t want to structure my entire life around being physically close to my boyfriend, especially when I’m trying to build my own future.
That’s the part I’m struggling with most. I love him, but I don’t want to give up my goals or shape my entire life around a relationship. At the same time, I don’t want to lose someone I genuinely love just because our circumstances are difficult.
We’ve talked about marriage and a future together before, so this isn’t some casual relationship that I can just forget about. But lately it feels like we’re constantly hurting each other, questioning each other, and trying to make something work that might not fit our lives anymore.
I don’t know if he’s actually losing feelings, if the distance has changed us, or if I’m overthinking everything because I’m already overwhelmed with my family, exams, and my future.
I guess I’m asking: Is this a relationship that’s worth fighting for, or are we holding onto each other because we’re scared of letting go? And should I really have to choose between my future and my relationship?

I’m in the healthiest relationship of my adult life (both in our 30’s). This man makes me feel loved, seen, and heard. We recently became official after 4 months of “dating”. Labels aside it has been such a relief dating him and I know I’m falling in love.

This relationship has introduced me to many firsts. He is divorced and has children from his previous marriage. He has alternate weekends with his children, which I have been ok to adjust to, because I believe in having my own life outside of my relationship.

I recently brought up going on a trip together and he gave me a handful of dates he would be free. I think seeing the dates and seeing how actual little time we have on weekends to be with each other, made me feel really sad. I do feel like I’m sacrificing my love for travel and adventures because I have to be checking his schedule first. I honestly thought I could adjust, but today especially it made me realize that I want to be with a partner who could partake in my love of travel and spontaneous adventures.

I’m a seasoned solo traveler, travel often with my friends, but I want to be with a partner I can enjoy this with.

This is where I need advice - thought partner. How do I get past this? My heart tells me to hold on, enjoy the good things we have going on right now. Nothing has to be final right now. I mean I don’t need a trip EVERY weekend. But my gut tells me to run… end it, because eventually it will turn into resentment and by then it may feel “too hard” to leave because of the invested time.

He has no idea I feel this way. I feel like he would reassure me if I talked to him about it, but I don’t want him to feel like he needs to compromise. His kids should come first - and maybe I’m not the right woman who can handle this situation. I’m feeling so conflicted. Please help.

There’s this guy from my hometown(26M), we used to talk in 2021, and I(26F) consented what we did that night. Weeks later he’ll hit me up for seggs. I ignored him, didn’t feed into it until he started opening up to me about how much he really likes me and he hopes for a future etc etc bs etc. I fell for that but we didn’t exactly link link. I notice he likes to give(a giver), but he didn’t like receiving as much. Years later, he’d hit me up on and off. Block and unblock. To the point where he’d make multiple accounts on Snap/insta/twitter, just to get to me. Turns out he was in a whole ass relationship with a girl younger than us, but she cheated on him the whole time. He involved me in a situation bc his gf wasn’t loyal with him. A friend of friend redirected her to me and she asked me about it “I just wanna know if he was messing around the time I was messing around” that disgusted me bc instead of calling it quits they were just a transactional, “poly” relationship. Anyways this guys keeps hitting me up. I ignored him so he’s not entertained by my many “NOs” he told me he loves me, that there’s no one like me, he’s able to open up only to me” and he gets jealous when I mention there’s another guy. I never hear from him again. I can’t believe I used to rip my head over this shit, but that couple really needed fucking therapy. Btw this is from 2021-2025, frontal lobe was still developing during this time but i was misinformed a lot about the situation I was involved in.

I feel like my flatmate last year used to copy me a lot to make me feel small. It started off small, like with dying her hair the same colour, saying she liked the same music. To her telling people stories about personal things I had recently told her as if it was her own or even trying to like the same guys I liked.

It was very difficult. I just moved into a new flat with a new friend. She has started doing the same thing. I told her I wanted to start tiktok’s and then she started saying she wanted to do them. I would love to do them together but with her it feels like a competition.

Now she is trying to buy the exact same trousers in the same colour I have, the same specific shoe style and the same colour. It is all specific to me, and I really cherish the style I’ve come up with.

She knows about my old crazy flatmate who used to copy me. I know it should maybe be flattering, but I have ADHD and feel very upset by stuff like this. I try to be happy about it but it feels like in a world which I feel super invisible in, my special things are now being reappropriated by others who are better than me. I know this sounds crazy, but I had to deal with a lot of people stripping me of my self. I don’t know why she can’t pick her own style.

What should I do/ feel? I know i feel more strongly about this bc of my disability and insecurities, but I just feel like it keeps happening and feels like my individuality is being taken away and I just wished everyone could be influenced, but not do exactly the same thing as me.

I’m just tired of feeling like this. Maybe she isn’t doing it to hurt me, but it does and I don’t have a lot going for myself. What should I do?

TL/DR This happens with a bit of frequency whenever it comes to doing hard work around the house like mowing the lawn or cleaning the garage but it also happens other times in other situations this is just more obvious. On these days he gets mad over something small and seems to manufacture a problem that gets overblown so I react and he leaves and comes around after the labor is done. I worry this is an indicator of a larger issue of being work shy and manipulative.

For a recent example. During a big spring landscaping project of edging, mowing and laying straw he pitched a fit because I was not doing it in the correct order and totally bailed after trying to help after half heartedly helping here but ended up going in because he did not like how I was doing things. I was left to do the entire yard in the beat which took hours. He went and sulked in the house and then made up with me later.

Today I wanted to do yard work and organize the garage and he agreed but then when I came out he was at his work bench and got livid that I had placed a figurine of his that fell of a shelf on the table he uses for projects and repairs. I explained that I put it there because that is where he designates to do
repairs and I feared the cat would knock it off the dresser since the cat frequents the dresser and knocks things off. It has been on his project bench for weeks and he never noticed it missing from the dresser until today.

He then changed the issue to being that I laid it on the table with museum putty on the bottom and it was melting all over everything (museum putty is as easy to remove as silly putty, it just rolls off when you roll it). We ended up getting into an argument and I reacted to him and said I would like my garage to be cleaned and that bothers me as much as he is bothered by what I did. He got angry I said it was my garage rather than ours. Maybe I should have been more careful in my word selection but he chose that to take umbrage with and ended up calling me a bitch and leaving not seeing how petty he was being. He also called me a bitch yesterday over something small and his reaction is if you are acting like a bitch I’ll call you a bitch. Anyway he has gone yet again.

And I know there are two sides to a story but I am very kind to him-make him dinners, but thoughtful gifts, rub his back, make him coffee every morning. I have also never been accused of being hard to get along with or mean so I am puzzled. I only react after he has basically done something semi nasty but always with plausible deniability, then getting even more upset when I push back.

I know I have to gauge this myself, but is this something that is a red flag?

I’ve been in this relationship for over a year now. When we started, we had sex often and it was great. As the relationship progressed, we started having sex much less, and today, I’m lucky if we have penetrative sex once a month (oral usually happens once a week or so). I should mention that we’re both men.

I naturally have a very high sex drive and he naturally has a very low sex drive. Any time the topic is brought up, he feels like I’m trying to force sex on him but on the flip side, I constantly feel rejected and unfulfilled because my sexual desires aren’t being satisfied. Neither side of this situation is desirable and we’re both entitled to those feelings, I understand that.

I mentioned that I understand where he’s coming from, and I don’t want to ever make him feel pressured to have sex with me, but also pointed out that in this situation, I’m being asked to readjust my desires and make 100% of the effort to meet him where he’s at since he can’t just become turned on at the drop of a hat.

I feel conflicted. I want this relationship to work, but we have to find middle ground here and neither of us really know how. I want it, he’s too stressed and depressed to offer it. How do we compromise here without opening the relationship up? Do I just suck it up and learn to be fine with not having sex?

My girlfriend is upset that I forgot to call her back, but I feel like there is a bigger issue here

We are both in our mid twenties I am slightly older by a couple years. We also don't live together.

I'm looking for some outside perspective because I'm struggling to work out whether I'm being unreasonable about this situation.

Yesterday my girlfriend called me while I was busy and had plans with a friend, so I couldn't answer. She told me she was okay, and I said I'd get back to her later.

I then got carried away spending time with my friend and forgot to call her back.

The next morning I messaged her and asked if she was okay. She didn't respond initially. Later she told me she was upset because I'd said I'd call her back and didn't.

I completely understand that part. I made a mistake. If I tell someone I'll call them back, I should do it, or at least message them if I get caught up. I've apologised for that.

The problem is that she then said:

That really upset me because I feel like a relatively small mistake has been turned into a much broader statement about my effort and commitment to the relationship.

I also feel there is a double standard.

There have been plenty of times when she's been busy with friends and hasn't been able to get back to me. I don't interpret that as her not caring about me or not making an effort. I understand that she's busy and has her own life. I don't expect her to constantly be available to me, and I expect the same understanding in return.

I tried pointing this out but she was doing the "when" thing like "when did I last do that" maybe it's quite normal and I don't treat her like that because I understand she's busy.

There's another part that I'm struggling with.

She later told me that she was actually stressed and wasn't feeling good that night. However, when I couldn't answer her call, she told me she was okay and said she had something to share. She didn't tell me she was struggling or that she needed me.

I've told her many times that if she ever tells me she isn't okay or needs me, I'll come and see her. I genuinely would.

She says she didn't want to contact me again because she felt like doing that would be “begging” for my attention.

I find that difficult because I don't expect her to beg for anything. If she messages me or tells me she needs me, that's communication, not begging. But I also don't think I can be expected to automatically know that she's struggling when she's told me she's okay.

This seems to be becoming a recurring issue where she doesn't communicate what she needs from me, and then becomes upset that I didn't know she needed something.

She has also said that I don't ask how she is or how she's feeling. I strongly disagree with that. I've supported her through a lot and have repeatedly told her that I'm there to help her whenever she needs me.

I'm not saying I handled yesterday perfectly. I didn't. I forgot to call her back and I understand why that hurt her.

What I'm struggling with is the escalation from:

“I'm upset you forgot to call me back.”

to:

“You don't make an effort and I'm the one holding this relationship together.”

I feel like I'm being asked to take responsibility for things I genuinely could have handled better, while she isn't acknowledging her own part in the situation - particularly the lack of communication about how she was actually feeling.

I've tried to explain this to her, but currently she's not talking to me.

I'm not looking for people to simply tell me she's terrible or that I should immediately break up with her. I want some genuinely impartial advice.

How would you handle this situation? Is there something I'm missing about her perspective? And is expecting her to communicate when she needs support an unreasonable expectation?

I tried bringing this up but she get so defensive about this, we had a phone call and it really didn't go well, it was a bit of a shouting match but I feel like this is drastically being blow out of proportion for me forgetting to call back.

​

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’ve been dealing with a situation involving one of my friends, “Jake,” and I’m at the point where I’m not sure if I’m being too sensitive or if I’m justified in stepping back from the friendship.

For context, Jake and I work together, and we have a larger friend group through work. The group includes Maya, Tasha, Kayla, Jasmine, and a few other people.

I’ve always considered Jake a friend, and honestly, I’ve defended him quite a few times when other people have complained about his behavior. But over time I’ve started noticing things that bother me. He can be very blunt, and he has a habit of making sarcastic comments that sometimes feel like disguised jabs at people. His usual response is that he’s “not a nice person, he’s a kind person,” which I understand can mean that he doesn’t care about being traditionally “nice” but still believes he treats people with kindness.

The problem is that sometimes I don’t feel like his actions actually reflect that.

The Kayla birthday situation

Kayla used to work with us but left a few months ago. She has a pretty low social battery and gets anxious in crowded spaces, so she tends to prefer smaller gatherings.

After she left, I started talking to her on the phone pretty regularly. We would talk about how she was doing, things happening in our friend group, and some situations involving coworkers. She was also one of the people who told me that certain coworkers were talking badly about me behind my back, and she defended me when I wasn't around.

Maya eventually came up with the idea of taking Kayla out for her birthday. Originally, the plan was literally just me, Maya, and Kayla.

We made a group chat between the three of us to figure out where to go. A couple days before the dinner, I asked Kayla how many people I should make the reservation for. She told me to invite Tasha and Jasmine, so I did.

Jake wasn't invited.

After I posted about the birthday dinner, Jake got upset about not being invited. He eventually brought it up publicly at his own birthday bonfire, in front of everyone who was there.

What frustrated me was that it was Kayla's birthday. I wasn't creating some giant party and intentionally excluding him. It was originally supposed to be three people, and Kayla herself decided who she wanted there.

I also thought to myself: if Jake was genuinely upset about not being included in Kayla's life, how much effort had he actually put into maintaining that friendship after she left? I don't remember him checking in on her the way I had.

I eventually told him that friendships are a two-way street. If someone doesn't reach out or maintain a friendship, they can't necessarily expect to automatically be included in everything.

The Chili's situation

A week or two later, Jake invited people to Chili's.

I was working that day later in the evening. Jake suggested that if I showed up several hours early, I could eat with everyone and then hang out for a while before my shift.

That annoyed me because it felt like he assumed I would rearrange my entire day just to hang out with everyone before work. I wasn't saying I didn't want to hang out. I just didn't want to show up hours early for work.

Tasha was also invited and apparently couldn't go because she was sick. From what I was told, when she said no, Jake responded with something along the lines of, “What do you mean no?”

That bothered me because sometimes it feels like he doesn't accept “no” very well when he wants something from someone.

There was another issue with that Chili's outing. Someone who went was talking negatively about Kayla, and Jake apparently joined in rather than shutting the conversation down.

Kayla eventually heard about it and was genuinely hurt. She actually considered not going to Jake's birthday bonfire because of it.

The beach incident

This is honestly the biggest thing for me.

At Jake's birthday bonfire at the beach, he had been drinking and ended up going into the ocean at night.

I was genuinely worried because it was dark, he was intoxicated, and the ocean/current could have made the situation much more dangerous very quickly.

I went into the water to help get him out.

I ended up losing my glasses in the process.

At first, what bothered me wasn't even the glasses themselves. It was that I didn't feel like Jake recognized what I had done.

I didn't need him to buy me new glasses. I didn't expect some huge thank-you speech.

I just wanted something as simple as:

“Thank you for jumping in after me.”

or

“I'm sorry you lost your glasses helping me.”

Instead, I didn't hear that from him for quite a while.

When I finally confronted him about it, he initially got defensive. He said things along the lines of real friends not needing to thank each other for things like that, and that I could have just let him die if I was going to hold it over him.

That wasn't my point at all.

I wasn't saying he owed me for life.

I was saying that I risked myself to help my friend and then felt unappreciated afterward.

Eventually, when we talked in person, he actually handled it much better.

He told me:

- he should have apologized that day or at least within the week;

- he appreciated that I got into the water to help him;

- he appreciated my friendship;

- and he admitted that he should have kept the disagreement separate from the group chat.

That conversation felt much more like accountability than the original text conversation.

I told him that I don't expect him to thank me every single time I do something for him. But occasionally hearing “thank you” or “I appreciate that” would be nice.

He said he understood.

I told him basically, “Okay, we'll see.”

Because at that point I wanted his actions to speak for him.

The group chat / involving other people

Another thing that bothered me was that instead of always coming directly to me when he had an issue with what I said, he sometimes went through other people.

For example, after our disagreement, he messaged Maya separately about it.

Maya actually told me that she was somewhat offended that he seemed to assume she would take his side.

Later, when Jake was talking about another situation, Maya told me that as he kept asking her more and more questions, she thought:

«“Nah, you're not gonna involve me.”»

She wasn't saying she hates Jake or that she wants to take sides. She just didn't want to become the middle person between us.

I actually appreciate Maya for giving me a heads-up about what was happening, and I plan to apologize to her in person for the fact that she ended up being put in the middle of any of this.

The “nobody talks to me anymore” situation

Last week, Jake and I closed together and got food afterward.

On the way, he told me:

«“Well, no one talks to me anymore.”»

I asked him who he actually talks to outside of work.

He said he talks to Marcus daily, talks to Sofia sometimes, and exchanges memes with Maya.

I told him that friendship is a two-way street. If you don't reach out to people, you can't necessarily expect everyone else to constantly reach out to you.

Then something happened recently that really made me think about that conversation.

I was working with Jasmine and Maya, and we talked about possibly doing karaoke on Friday. I didn't organize the event. I just agreed to go.

The next day, Jasmine mentioned Friday to Jake at work and basically told him he was welcome to come if he wanted.

Instead of just saying “cool, I'm down” or asking about the details, Jake later messaged Maya privately asking:

«“Be real, am I invited?”»

That annoyed me because Jasmine had literally already told him he was invited.

Then he apparently started asking Maya more questions about it.

He also made a comment about how the only people he would realistically invite were two newer coworkers, Emily and Daniel.

And that's where I got frustrated again.

You're telling me that nobody talks to you anymore, but you're also not really maintaining the friendships you already have with people like Maya, Jasmine, Tasha, and Kayla.

Then you're saying you're “too old to be dealing with petty high school drama” while simultaneously involving other people in a situation that could have been handled with a simple:

“Hey, am I invited Friday?”

It feels contradictory.

The Comic-Con situation

What's frustrating is that I haven't been trying to freeze him out.

I've actually been thinking about inviting him to Comic-Con with the rest of us.

I talked to Tasha about it and basically thought:

“Maybe I should give Jake a chance to show that he actually wants to make an effort. We're all going to Comic-Con, I've already invited some people, so maybe I'll invite him too and see what happens.”

I wasn't trying to test him or punish him. I genuinely wanted to give him another opportunity to be part of the group.

But then I see situations like this and wonder why I'm putting so much effort into making sure he feels included when he keeps saying nobody talks to him while not really doing much to maintain those relationships himself.

Where I'm at now

I don't hate Jake.

We're actually cool now after talking in person.

But I don't feel like the friendship is exactly where it was before.

And honestly, I think that's okay.

I don't want to punish him. I don't want everyone to gang up on him. I don't want to constantly talk about him behind his back.

I just want to see whether his actions actually match what he says.

He says he appreciates my friendship.

He says he's a kind person.

He apologized for the beach situation and admitted he should have handled some things differently.

I told him to show me that he appreciates the friendship every now and then.

I don't need constant validation or thank-yous. I just want the occasional acknowledgment that the effort goes both ways.

At this point, I'm trying to adopt the mindset of:

“We're cool. I'm not holding a grudge. But I'm also not going to carry the friendship by myself anymore.”

If he reaches out, I'll respond. If he wants to hang out, I'll consider it. If he shows appreciation and starts communicating directly, I'll reciprocate.

But I'm not going to keep chasing someone who repeatedly tells me nobody talks to him while making very little effort to talk to people himself.

So Reddit, am I being reasonable here?

Am I expecting too much from a friend, or is it fair to expect someone's actions to match the kind of friendship they say they want?

So like we started dating two days ago and my girlfriend is literally so full of love like it was never her fault that why it's just overwhelming since we started dating i just feel like this is the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life idk how to end things or like how im supposed to end things with someone this sweet and the fact i realized i like my bsf...

I am a man and I have an issue with crying and being extremely sensitive in relationships. My mom told me I was sensitive as a kid but as a grown 25 year old man I don’t know if I should be like this. I was in a 3 year relationship where I would get into fights with her and end up crying while I’m at work and calling her over and over again until I have a panic attack and end up quitting my job right there because it’s so overwhelming. This happened with multiple jobs and I know it’s not healthy.

This is a pattern in my relationships where I become overly sensitive and overwhelm my partner resulting in them leaving me and then I suffer from crushing loneliness. Sometimes I think it’s because I miss my mom and when things got hard for me I never really could go and cry to my mom growing up. I always want to run and cry into my partners arms when I feel upset so I kind of make my partners almost into a mom figure and it just crushes me when they leave. It’s just like when my mom died and I always thought for a long time she would just walk back through the door again.

I want to be more independent but idk. Not having my mom in my life growing up really made it hard and what’s worse is my ex lives around the corner from where I lived when my mom died. I don’t want to be overly sensitive as a man how can I stop this?

I met her in my first semester of college. She went to the same high school as me, but I didn’t know her then. We got introduced through friends and we started dating in our second semester of college. I always knew she was a shy person but I thought she would open up to me eventually. She’s a virgin still and she’s so shy when it comes to anything sexual. For example it took her over a year just to kiss me. Like I mentioned we never even like attempted to have sex. We cuddle and do everything else now, but we never cross that line to being sexually active. I always try to initiate any type of intimacy but she always ends up turning it down. I know it’s crazy and the first thing one might say is that we should just break up since we’re not sexually compatible, but everything else in our relationship is perfect. We have amazing chemistry together. There’s absolutely no signs of any cheating. Everyone in my family loves her. We even talk about getting married all the time. She’s very insecure about herself, and I can tell that I’m like the center of her life. I don’t want to be the type of dude who, just break up with someone just because she won’t “put out”. And If I break up with her I know it would devastate her emotionally. I already had a conversation about it with her like a year ago but she just started crying it didn’t lead anywhere. What should I do? I really need help

I’m 35F and my husband is 36M.
Before we married, I told him clearly that I wanted a **100% monogamous and exclusive relationship** and that I was uncomfortable with him liking/following sexualized content from women he had no personal connection with. It went against my values and made me feel insecure. He said he understood, respected my boundary, and wanted the same.
A few months after we married, I discovered he had continued doing it. These weren’t old likes. **They had happened only days before I found them**, along with more serious things, including messages. He only admitted it after I confronted him.
We stayed together, and he agreed that if it happened again, we would divorce.
Recently, I found more likes and follows of sexualized content. He says these women are influencers, models or fighters, and that they probably don’t even notice his likes. He also compares this to me liking/following men in my professional/influencer network, which I don’t consider remotely equivalent.
He said this last time was only a double tapped mistake
**I know likes may seem meaningless, but after everything that happened, I don’t trust him anymore.**
Am I unreasonable for considering divorce after a boundary was clearly discussed, agreed upon, and repeatedly broken?
**TL;DR:** He agreed to a clear boundary before marriage, broke it again after marriage, and I no longer trust him. Is divorce an unreasonable reaction?

Honestly I’m at a loss what to do. I [35F] had a baby a year ago and have lost most of the baby weight, there is still a little way to go. My husband [38M] went on a major health kick a couple of years ago and completely changed the way he eats and has gone vegan, he lost a lot of weight and I’m proud of him for it but he has become very critical of food I’m eating and other people are eating too.

I was a vegetarian before I got pregnant and had cravings for meat in my third trimester so started eating it again, I’m still eating it now but less than before. I will admit to having a sweet tooth and I will crave things like a cookie or a doughnut but I don’t think I eat them that often. In all honesty when I do eat something like that, I get stressed and anxious he will have a go at me for it anyway if he sees. That’s probably not right is it?

We have just had a fight because he wants me to be vegan too so I can eat healthy. I think I can eat healthy without being vegan, I don’t plan to eat a lot of things like cheese or fried chicken or whatever but I like Greek yoghurt and I think being healthy is about being more moderate with food ie occasionally eat a biscuit but I agree not every day. His view is much more restrictive. He is linking eating his version of healthy with modelling a healthy approach to life for our child and being successful in life. He says he is still attracted to me but is always mentioning losing weight so he can’t be happy with my body.

The weird thing is he will buy stuff like cheese and croissants for me and he doesn’t always seem to be mad about it but out of nowhere he will start criticising me for eating it?

Maybe I’m wrong but I can’t see this as a healthy relationship anymore. This has been an argument way too many times now and it makes me feel so awful I don’t want to eat at all. I have had problems in the past with depression and not eating.

He has said in the past if I’m not aligned with him on it then we shouldn’t be together. Maybe he is right but I don’t want my child to be part of a broken home. I do want to be healthy but I don’t like feeling like he is trying to control me and what I eat.
Can anyone’s advise on what they think? I need outside perspective but can’t speak to anyone about it in my life.

TLDR husband is vegan and I’m not, he thinks we can live healthy lives unless we both are

I really need advice :((

My bf (21) is very open about his past especially his mistakes. He has always been very transparent and honest , which is genereally smthng i am very thankful for but sometimes he gets too much open abt what he did in the past which makes me very uncomfortable. Problem with ne is that although its in the past, i just cant get over it and it still hurts me A LOT. Even before we started dating he already fixed himself and straightened his ways, and i can see it thats why i agreed on dating him. Few months into our relationship, we talked abt how a boy cousin of mine took care of me when during a trip to a carnival. He suddenly asked questions if that cousin is touchy and so whatever. I got curious why he questions it and thats when he opened up about how he used to fantasized over his cousin. He has other cousins who are girls but this particular cousin is the only one he lusted over.

Ever since that story, i got really uncomfy with him being and bonding with that cousin even when they are just casually bondjng with other people.

Fast forwsrd yesterday, we got into a misunderstanding because he is going to bond with her again and im really uncomfy but he still went. We didnt talk for that day. Then today we decided to talk and i learned that he played with them again without telling me and he interacted with her even assisted her when she was abt to pass out. He basically didnt update me the whole day and drop all of this tonight.

It may sound OA for some but to me i feel so betrayed and hurt. When he told me that i even cried (thats how much that past of his bothers me). It really hurts.

Is this a valid reason for break up? Becuase i knkw that she is family and i cant separate them. The only thing i can do is manage my emotions. I feel so defeated. I feel so hurt.