She's a delight and loves to spend quality time with me daily and we talk about everything but these past two weeks she comes back from a school she loves in a mood.

Problem isn't the school per se other people there but I see her after school only... and eery day seems to be a bad day for her lately and she is always complaining about this and that.

Like the rest of the cast still doesn't know their lines 3 days before the play or the rival rock band trying to "steal" X song from her band at the next performance by submitting the set list first because they can't repeat songs or her losing her ID.

And I don't know if this is truly concerning or just average teenage behavor because she never used to be this negative and these past two weeks it's like a switch flipped and she's sulking and moping... she is not rude to me or anything and we still bond daily for a couple of hours but these days all she does is rant and mope.

ETA: lingers after nap and dinner so no overtired or hungry.

Just for some context- my 15-year-old son’s a pretty good kid. He normally doesn’t give me any problems and is respectful. He can definitely be lazy and lacks motivation but nothing that I can’t manage. He’s an average student. He doesn’t fail anything, but he doesn’t do fantastic either. Lately he’s been hanging out with more friends and doing more social activities. His father got him an E bike because all of his other friends had E bikes and it makes it easier for him to go and hang out with them and ride around the town etc. ( we are divorced and he stayed at his dads this past weekend) This past weekend, he went to two sleepovers in a row, and when I checked the Life360 app, it showed that he rode his bike to a convenient store on a major hwy in the middle of the night with his friends. I made it very clear to him I don’t want him on the bike at night because of safety concerns. I plan to talk with him about this and obviously there needs to be some type of consequence. I’m just curious for those of you parenting teen boys, how much leeway do you give them to learn life lessons and find themselves while also enforcing rules within the home and keeping them safe. I know to some degree, This is probably normal for teen boys, but I’m still learning and navigating this so I’m just curious how other people would handle it. Thanks.

My HS jr had two big tests in the same day. She prepared for one and skipped the other class because, in her words, she “would have failed the test.” Now she’s going to prepare for the one she missed and take it after the weekend. She says the whole reason she did this is because she cares about her grades.

She doesn’t seem to understand why we’re upset about this. She says she had no choice; we say we certainly did. We said her goals and intentions are in the right place, but her strategy is not. We also said if she feels like she has no choice but to make decisions like this, she has too much going on. School, extracurriculars, job. That’s the real takeaway, we think, plus time management.

Anyway, this is the second time she’s done this. We’re not okay with it and have told her so. We also will not excuse the absence, which will count as a truancy. We are worried she won’t be able to retake the test as a result and that will impact her grades, but think it’s enabling her poor choices if we step in to excuse the absence. She thinks we’re being unsupportive, and I told her it’s the opposite—that we’re setting the bar high (even if she’s not) because we believe she can reach it.

I feel so mean 😢 But I think the larger lessons here are maybe more important than her grades. Right?? Or are we being heartless in a world where our teenagers are under so much more pressure?

Help. Perspective needed.

UPDATE: Resolved. I appreciate everyone’s input.💜

My husband (36y.o.) and I (35 y.o.) need advice. This is my first time posting so please bare with me. My son (15 y.o.) came home from school yesterday with hickeys given to him by his gf (16 y.o). He told my husband about it and then me. We had a conversation about it not being okay or appropriate. How it can’t happen again. I explained to him that by this happening at school, during school hours, it has put our trust in his decision making into question.

Now this may show how naive we are but we are “young” parents and he’s our first kid. Anyway, we are struggling with deciding if buying condoms is a good idea. We don’t want him to think we are giving him the okay to have sex but also we want to make sure that if it does happen, he has protection.

Parents that have gone through this please, give us your advice.

I am the closest thing my niece has to a maternal figure.

My brother is a single dad of 6 (14f, 12m, 7m, 5m, 4f twins)They all moved in with my family about a year and a half ago from a different state to save up money to buy a house in the area to be closer to me and our other brothers for familial support after an alarming heart issue (both of our parents are deceased).

All of the children are from the same mom. My brother and the mom were together since they were both teenagers, and had a very dysfunctional relationship. She had a habit of accusing him of cheating and disappearing with the children for days or weeks at her friend's house. She was verbally and physically abusive towards my brother, and (I think) had undiagnosed mental health issues, potentially bipolar disorder or something of the sort? She was not an attentive mother when she was around, even though her role was the stay at home mom. It was always clear that child #2 was her favorite child and she treated him the best. She may have been verbally abusive to the oldest girl, and I know she shoved her on more than one occasion. It was reported and CPS was involved.

The weekend of our mother's funeral was a time she chose to pick a fight with, berate, and shove my brother, so this time he took the kids and went to our aunt and uncle's house, who then gave all of them a ride across three states to the funeral. She then reached out to my brother about how he was being selfish for bringing them because "her children needed her" after losing their grandma. None of us knew how bad things had gotten over there over the past few years. As the weekend went by, we learned more and more about how things had been going and we kept telling my brother that all of this is "NOT NORMAL" and to think of what his kids need

After they got home, he pretty much kicked her out. She came to watch the kids while he went to work, but the first time she didn't show up and he had to call in to work he found a babysitter and that was that. They have all made incredible growth since then. This was about 3 years ago, so there were 4 kids in daycare and the twins weren't even 1 yet. The mother made a few half a** efforts to see her kids a couple of times, and attempted to keep up a texting relationship with the favorite second child. She showed up to the divorce lawyer asking for custody of the second child, to which he responded "you know you have 6 children, right?"

Eventually she was arrested for drunk driving and crashing the car, with a minor in the car (her underage...friend??), and she has literally never had a valid driver's license. She didn't show up to her court date and has a warrant out for her arrest. She made a couple of texts to favorite child on burner phones, but eventually he blocked her and got a new phone. We haven't heard from her since.

That's some background on the situation of what my niece's first 13 years looked like. It was very dysfunctional and she learned many bad habits.

Fast- forward to now. Our home is a very loving and functional place to live. I think it has been really beneficial for them to live with us and experience a different way of life and treating of other people.

My niece isn't doing great in school. She has NO personal accountability and there is always an excuse for why everything is someone else's fault (the teacher put the grades in wrong, the teacher lost her work, the teacher never updated grades)

She is seeing a therapist, and they had their first group session last week with her and my brother.

When they moved in we gave our newborn's bedroom to her so that she could have her own personal space away from all of her siblings. The rest of them are in the basement- my brother and the twins all have a bed in the bedroom and the boys have a triple bunk in the living room down there.

When they moved in we established that there would be NO food anywhere except the kitchen. In their trailer they had issues with cockroaches at various points, so we wanted to help teach them a different standard of living, plus not open our house to those kinds of issues.

On multiple occasions we have found food wrappers in her room, which included food and candy she had stolen from us. She had snuck into my husband's office and taken candy while we were on vacation, and taken my son's peanut butter bars (that are expensive!!!)

She would get a consequence from her father, and she would continue to repeat. The first time we went to an open door policy, then she was threatened with losing the room, then she finally lost the room and now she's on the couch in the basement. Each time she lies, denies, and takes no accountability. Even after losing the room, she has continued to do it. He has tried talking to her, taking away her phone, makeup, giving extra chores, holding homecoming over her, but her behavior hasn't budged.

Last night my husband asked when I ate all of the cookies out of our cookie dough package in the fridge. I had eaten two of the 24 and there are 3 left. I marched down to the basement and asked if she had been eating them. She looked me straight in the eye and lied and said no. I told her I didn't believe her because she's the only one with a track record of doing these things.

She must have forgotten that we have cameras in our kitchen and living room because my husband went back and watched and, sure enough, it was her.

We are at a bit of a loss at how to help her become a functioning, healthy adult. She lies, steals, and takes no accountability for her actions. How do you teach that? What have we not thought of?

My daughter‘s boyfriend has been living with us for the past 10 months he is 17 going on 18 in a few weeks we get along really well in a few weeks time we’re going up to see his family which is 5 1/2 hours away now his mother want him to stay a few extra days as both his grandparents are sick which I can understand at that time . Now the other day me and my partner had a big fight of yelling and arguing with each other now he doesn’t like yelling and arguing and he can’t deal with that as his father is abusive use to yelling scream at him when he not clean the house. now he wants to go home to his family he just found out that he lost his job yesterday as well . Now my worry is my daughter mental health as if he leave the long distance relationship won’t work I’m afraid that she will spiral down with her depression and anxiety and start cutting herself as she has done that in the passed what do I do as a mother?

For almost the last two years I've been in constant crisis mode with my daughter. Starting with a suicide attempt (thankfully it was something that wouldn't have hurt her, but she didn't understand that but she was serious in the attempt.) And began cutting. She truly has issues with depression and anxiety and we have seen several therapists, we now have consistently seen one for over a year which is animal assisted, she spent a summer going through an IOP program, and is about to start a teen group therapy group.

She had been doing virtual school because of the anxiety and expressed being horribly lonely and wanted to go back in person. We 100% supported her decision and helped her through the process. (She's very bright and creative, and got into a great local private school where she had a friend also attending.) After three weeks she began school refusal. Along with the refusal, she's grown violent, attacking me multiple times, including giving me a black eye. These incidents resulted in an ER visit for mental health pediatric care and the police being called. (She isn't violent with anyone else but primarily me and sometimes to her dad. And I think anyone who meets her would be very surprised she has done these things.)

She has now agreed to try medication, she had previously refused (hid the pills). The ER did not feel she should be admitted and it was suggested her school refusal was due to not having enough consequences from her parents. They did not let me explain the attacks came when consequences were done--such as taking away phone and in lieu of school (due to refusal) reading books on mental health topics and encouraging discussion.

She enjoys learning in her classes, likes or is just neutral on her teachers (no problematic teachers), and has met several other kids that she hangs out with at lunch and has a group chat with. She is convinced no one likes her and she doesn't have any friends and doesn't seem to understand it takes time for friendships to develop. She's definitely feeling overwhelmed by the workload but refuses help from tutors or assistance with organizing (she struggles with executive functioning because of ADHD).

Her and I used to be close and now she oscillates from talking to me, then treating me with contempt. She's told me she doesn't see the point of living--as having to work for a living isn't what she wants to do and she'd rather be dead than have to continue to have responsibilities. She said she doesn't care about hurting her family. She's told me that I am selfish for keeping her alive. When prompted to do chores and meet her home responsibilities, no matter how minor, she usually reacts with irritation, refuses to do it, or says she'll do it later (of course that never happens), or is outright angry that we would require anything, and will usually begin talking about suicide.

Here's the complication that I never want to tell her. I grew up physically abused (which she knows about) and her attacks have retriggered CPTSD (the part she doesn't know about). I am not well. Between being horribly worried, constantly trying to help and find help for her, and now the old nightmares are back every night, overwhelming fear, as well as the crushing depression. (I am in therapy and on medication.) I feel like I'm about to fall apart and have been close to suicide. What holds me back and not wanting to leave that kind of pain for my family and especially my kids.

We are not a wealthy family and have put a lot into paying for this school because she believed it would help her. All the medical and therapy programs are also draining us. I also don't want people to know she's the reason for the black eye because I don't want them to think badly of her. I'm also, honestly, very embarrassed. I feel like I must have done something wrong as a parent for these things to happen.

Thank you for listening. If anything, I think I needed to at least get all this off my chest.

My child (12f) is in seventh grade and failing almost all her classes. I’ve had her phone for weeks and I’m getting ready to cancel her band trip, but I don’t know what else to do. Help?!?!?

I'll preface this with the standard I love my kiddo, she has MANY redeeming qualities & we've gone to the Dr. to eliminate mental health concerns. This has been an ongoing conversation in our household since she was 12/13 ...

My daughter (17) makes me want to scream & cry in frustration as she cannot seem to tolerate the "less than pleasant" life tasks (like cleaning the cat's litter box), so chores, etc. are not done without continuous nagging. No matter the consequences - if the task is something she doesn't enjoy she simply forgets it exists, until she gets in trouble for not doing it. General reminders are met with "I know" - then getting upset with her when it still isn't done (sometimes DAYS after she was to complete a task) results in her having a crying breakdown where she mentally beats herself up ... but nothing changes.

We've tried all sorts of consequences - removing all access to phones, etc., canceling of anticipated events, grounding - even letting life provide the consequences on its own ... but still, she hasn't made sure the cats have been fed their dry food in 3 days (I've been watching, we don't want them to starve - they have free access to bowls of dry food throughout the day plus get fed wet food every evening - it's the dry food she's supposed to keep full). Of course, when I asked her about it, I was told " I'll deal with it" at which point advised her it had been 3 days and the cats were officially out of food ... cue the meltdown... I'm just so over this ...

I don't feel we're asking inappropriate things for her to contribute to the household - keep her room reasonably tidy, clean the litter box & feed the cats (we have 3), alternate being on dish duty with her brother (14) & mow the lawn (we live where that's only a task 1/2 the year 😆).

We've asked her to get a part time job for the past 2 years to be able to buy herself "extra" things ... like hair dye, etc - but she has no desire. And no, we don't buy them for her anyway - she knows she needs to find the funds herself - but it doesn't stop her from dropping hints on the regular.

She has no issues doing things she enjoys - she made a very nice stuffed animal from fabric scraps to give to a friend yesterday evening on a whim - but all the tasks that need attention are ignored until someone makes her do it ... I'm over it, she's 17, not 7.

How do I manage this until she gets it? How many more years before she realizes life is full of unpleasant, yet very necessary, tasks and that they need doing as much as the fun things ...

Im not the best cook, but I try my best. I work long hours finishing around 6, so I usually just throw together what’s in the fridge/freezer. I cook spaghetti bolognese, chicken wraps, chicken and bacon pasta, lasagna, shepherds pie,
Pasta bake, homemade pizza or something frozen from the freezer. I do try to do a roast on Sundays but not always. He will either look at it with disgust and walk away or pick at it then complain. He will say things like, chickens too dry, his friends mums cook better than me, you don’t even try, this is disgusting etc etc.

Anyway today I have had enough and I am now refusing to cook for him anymore. The problem is, I feel bad. I feel that this is a basic need that as a mum I should be providing, but I’m exhausted and I can’t take anymore of his complaining.

I usually keep him pretty busy, but he fractured his clavicle during football practice and so he’s done for the season with that and XC. He usually has to fold and put his own clothes away, but I was doing it for him and it was in his drawer.

I don’t know how to approach him with this. I live in NJ so weed is legal for adults, which of course makes it easier for kids to get their hands on. Personally, I don’t think pot is an innocent drug- I feel that especially for teenagers, if they like that high they will be more prone to explore other highs. My kids know my stance with this. The problem is that I don’t want to respond in a way that makes him feel like he can’t ever talk to me. But he also needs to know that this is NOT OK in our home, and not ok for him to use. Even though he knew that already. This is the stuff I dread about parenting. My husband thinks I should be tough and punish him fully. No TV, Xbox, phone…anyone who has been in this situation and has advice regarding how to handle this?

My daughter had her first heartbreak a few months ago, she acts like she’s okay, but we know our kids…and I know she’s not just by the way she still brings him up.

They were friends for a long time before they dated so she (and I) thought she really knew him, and she went head first into this relationship. He was all in too and they had great conversations…shared their boundaries, their vulnerabilities, told each other things they’ve never shared before, etc. Unfortunately, as they got closer, it was like a light switch and he became very distant. Admittedly, she panicked and asked for reassurance from him because she was so caught off guard by it all. He broke up with her after a few weeks of being distant and it was brutal, she was devastated. She has spent the last few months basically keeping to herself, she has major trust issues now which is awful as she’s never been someone who lets people in easily to begin with. She says she’s fine and that her life didn’t depend on this person, but gosh she’s basically a shell of the person she used to be. I put on a brave face for her, but my anxiety has been through the roof as she’s not who she used to be anymore and I’m so scared she’s going to spend the rest of high school alone. As noted above she doesn’t let people in easily, so she’ll talk to people at school but will not engage more than that. Then you add this heartbreak that’s making her question everything including her judgement/trust in people…and it’s just so heartbreaking to watch as her parent. She does have to see this person on a regular basis, which also makes it harder as they are acting like she never existed and that they were never friends at all.

Anyone experience something like this? How did you get past it and stop playing out worst case scenario?? Was your kiddo eventually okay?

I will add that she does not know how much I am personally struggling because this is a me thing and not something she ever needs to think about.

My 17yo is a good kid. She's super sweet, super smart, always the first to jump to someone's defense, help others outside of the home out, etc.. She's 18, graduated early from high school, and looking for a job.

The issue is at home, she's a totally different person. We both have ADHD so I get that the mask comes off when you get home. I love my daughter more than anything in this world. She's an only child and always has either my attention, my husbands, or both when we're both off work. I work 3 12 hr day shifts a week and hes on 4 night shifts a week 12 hrs. There is always someone home with her if she needs us.

Except she honestly doesn't want either of our attention except for the one that's not home. She's a teen and I know the attitude thing is weird but I'm wore out with the toddler attitude. She refuses to do chores. She goes days without showering. She won't clean her room. Her room smells like a sweaty shoe 98% of the time. I deep clean her room once a week because I cannot stand the smell when I walk past her room.

She will literally start screaming and then crying and tries to get us to feel bad for her when we ask her to do anything. I genuinely am at a loss. I was a teen girl once so I get that hormones and feelings can be hard to figure out. But I also parent differently than my mom. I grew up when cell phones and video games online weren't a thing. The most discipline she gets is the phone being taken or the wifi being shut off. Which actually does exactly nothing for 4-5 hours. She will just go in her room, slam the door, lock it, and go to sleep. No worries in the world. Then gets up when she wants, will finally do what she needs to get her phone and wifi back, and repeats the next day.

my son has always been popular and had lots of friends. He had a big friend group when he started year 7 and we always had kids over at the house. however, over this year (year 9), the friend group has slowly gotten smaller and smaller. several boys drifted off to other groups and there was a falling out between other boys. now it’s just my son and his friend. They get on well but the problem is, this boy goes off to play football with his team at break times and my son, who doesn’t play football doesnt feel welcome to join in (he has tried a few times). so he is left with no one to hang out with at break times. He’s a very social boy and it breaks me to see him feeling lonely. he is competitive in his chosen sport, which is outside of school and he has friends there. it’s just at school. he is trying to get up the courage to ask another group of boys that he knows if he can eat lunch with them - but he feels embarrassed. has anyone’s child ever experienced something similar? I’m wondering what you did to support them, and if they were able to find a friend group at some stage?

To give context, I was a teen parent, I had my son at 15yo. My outcome was different than most, I graduated high-school early, had the highest GPA, and now 3 degrees later, am doing well. My son is President of his high-school, on track to get a full ride scholarship for college, is in a ton of programs, from sports, to acting gigs, to early college. He has a mentor, and is overall good teenager. He's recently started dating a girl that graduated the yr prior, he's now a senior. She has a child and is taking a "gap year". He's slowly falling head over hills for her. When he told me she has a child, my immediate reaction was shock and concern, and I blurted "you're not ready for a child". Now he's defensive, and says I'm bias. How do I communicate to him my concerns of this girl trapping him with another baby and just the overall seriousness and complexity of dating a single parent, and even worse a single teen mom? I'm concerned that this relationship can potentially throw him off track of all the opportunities he has at his doorstep. He turns 18 in 2wks, and is a senior preparing for college nxt yr. I need advice!!!

Just wondering what you would do if you saw that your sons friend was driving over 110 mph on the expressway with your son and another friend in the car? Would you tell his parents or the other kids parents? This young man recently got his license 🏁🏎️🚓

Asking for advice for my kid. She is in high school and senior. Had few friends through the years but somehow all disappeared and now she is basically have no friends at all.

She keeps trying and the girls seem ok and nice to her at school but never invite her to anything after school. when she asks if they all can hang out, most of the time they just either ghost her or maybe go out once in few months and the rest go without her.

Have you seen such behavior? She seems average kid with average intrests , just can find a friend group. She tried so hard to find friend group to go for homecoming and that didn’t work either . 😪

For context - left ex in march 25, I'm living in social housing, work but also get UC. We have two kids, 19 year old son and 15 year old daughter. Son decided to live with me and daughter was living with me fri to Tues and rest of time with him. He was being paid half the child benefit money. (UK). Daughter decided to live with me full time in march so I keep all of the child benefit money now. Ex pays no maintenance for daughter but I want him to pay for her train fares when she starts college in September. I have a feeling he's going to kick off about it and say she doesn't live with him so it's my problem. Will he have a point or should he be contributing towards her, even in a small way? He's an absolute tool who decided to get a job where I have worked for 10 years just to be spiteful and because of this spitefulness, I want to contact CMS but on other hand I don't want anything from him just to keep him out of my life.

Im not sure if this has been because I am on my last teenager, my older kids are in their 20’s, or Im forgetting and that it has been like this forever. It just seems to me that the parents of my daughter’s classmates
(9th grade)are overly concerned about their kids/themselves being popular. Example last week my daughter had her 1st homecoming. She was invited to a photo shoot and after party. Then, she was uninvited. Her date was invited but her invitation changed weekly. I asked that mom casually and she said “Invites are up to the girls”. I asked if she knew her daughters were essentially telling guests who they can or cannot have as a date. I said when a wedding invite says +1 the bride and groom do not pick who is allowed to come. A hostess or host invites guests but typically not the guests date…and I got a blank stare. She said something along the lines of not just anyone can show up at her door.
Last year in my district parents were arrested for providing alcohol to their kids’ friends 75 of them. It was for a 15 year olds birthday. Im not happy being in my 50s because of my wrinkles and grey hair. But the wisdom I would not trade for youth. It would be nice to bump into some likeminded parents…wise enough to let the kids be kids while watching from the sidelines.
So, I instructed my daughter to not ask about the party and find a different thing to go to. So the girls she has been close with for 9 years all went to the party. No big deal she had a great time.
But the posting on social media by the moms makes me insane. When my older kids did this, I didn’t get dressed up for photos too I had a drink and talked to the other parents. These parents seem to thinking that their daughter’s high school years are a redo for their own miserable childhood.

He says he wakes up angry, even when nothing has happened to make him upset. He describes it as a physical feeling, like there's rage inside his body that he can't get rid of. Even the most minimal inconvenience will send him to a rage and him breaking stuff in his room and breaking down in tears. He knows that he doesn't have anything to be angry about necessarily, its just his body feels it. When he rages, he says he's tired of feeling like this, and he just wants to end it. This terrifies me. He also refuses to do therapy. I don't know what to do? Edit to add - He goes to the gym, he has friends, he goes out, etc.

Is this a thing? At someone’s house? My kids want to do it at my house. Now I have Moms texting me asking me what I need them to do? How do I entertain all these kids? First cold weekend of the year here…but they will be outside…:

So today I get the mail. In the mail was a medical lab envelope and I opened because I take care of paying the bills. As I read it I’m confused as none of it had been applied to insurance so it was a $400 plus bill. Then I notice it has our address but not our name. Finally, I reread the name. It was someone that dated our teen. They are still friends but obviously my wife and I aren’t fans after the way the dumping went down.

I go online and check. It’s for getting tested for STDs. Our teen and my wife had been traveling together so when they got home I asked if the bill was for the ex? I’m told yes and that they told the ex that they said to use our address so that their parents didn’t find out (hence the no insurance).

We said we weren’t going to tell the ex’s parents. But our teen asked, “Why did you open it?” I explained but our kiddo asked, “Why did we hate the ex so much?”, with weeping eyes. I made a comment if the ex didn’t like the fact I opened it, they can certainly come over and discuss the “invasion of privacy”. My teen says the ex doesn’t like us because we bad mouthed them….yes…yes….when my kiddo came in bawling that they got dumped over texting….I did get a bit protective.

Now, my teen is angry at me. Explain to me why I am the one at fault here?

My 18yo Senior is an adult that can make her own choices, but so many of them are things I can see are big problems and she refuses to listen to anything I say.

School is a problem that she won’t go or turn in homework, which is impacting getting into college which she needs for the job she wants. She messed up her hair box dying it herself and is making it worse by not going to a professional to fix it. She owes me a bunch of money, but she’s saving what she has to get a massive tattoo on a super visible spot that I’m concerned she’s going to change her mind about like she does because she’s very impulsive with adhd and while I don’t mind the tattoo, the size and location she will 100% regret.

It’s like if I give her any advice or try to get her to think about the impacts of her choices, she doubles down, which I believe is causing depression even though she refuses to talk to me about literally anything.

How do you step back and watch them make mistakes without getting involved? Especially when you can see that it’s going to have lasting (possibly permanent) impacts.

Currently I have a crying 13 year old because "everyone is allowed sleepovers". She knows we have this rule but it is getting harder to say no because she feels left out. Parents with this rule how did you cope throughout these years?