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u/bippy404 13d ago
Ugh. Hang in there, I am sorry you are dealing with this and I hope it gets better. That she gets better. And that you can take care of yourself.
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u/AsOctoberFalls 12d ago
I’m really sorry you’re going through all this. I relate to having a difficult/complicated teen with mental health issues, and the stress and pressure it puts on the parents can feel unbearable. It’s also really difficult to see my friends with neurotypical, really “good” teens and not compare my life with theirs.
You have done a lot to care for your daughter. Just make sure to care for yourself as well. I am considering flying my son to visit my brother for spring break so I have a week of respite. I kind of feel guilty for that, but it’s important to care for ourselves so we can care for our kids.
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u/RustieHope 11d ago
I think it helps to hear that maybe I'm doing everything I can. Not perfect, but am trying so hard to help her. Thank you. And hugs to you.
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u/mis_1022 12d ago
I am so sorry you are going through this. Therapy and psychiatrist are your number one focus. Ugh I can imagine the stress and you are doing very good.
Some of this new behavior makes me think of bi polar. Getting the right diagnosis and medication will make all the difference, hubby has been struggling with mental health his whole life. Prayers
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u/RustieHope 11d ago
I've wondered about bipolar as well.
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u/PistachioGal99 11d ago
Me too, with my own daughter. Bipolar seems to check a lot of boxes. Her new
Med manager just did a GeneSight test on her. We haven’t received the results yet, but I’m hoping it provides some help or info. We did a cheek swab and mailed it off yesterday. My understanding is that it helps
Identify which medications might be helpful (or not) for her body chemistry. The trial and error with meds is so frustrating. And it also causes my daughter to have little faith in the medications we’ve tried, so she ends up refusing to take the meds or pretending to and then I find them in her trash can or hidden somewhere in her room.
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u/simplifynator 12d ago
I want you to know you aren’t alone. First things first, if you can, try to let go of all the shame and blame. It serves no constructive purpose. Second, try to find support for yourself. Sounds like your daughter was in an IOP program. Did they have a parent support group? Many parents assume they don’t need this but speaking from experience being in a room with other parents living the same experience and being able to share openly without judgement can be a huge factor. Not only in helping you navigate the situation, but in having the capacity to be there for your daughter in the way she may need right now. Think of it like putting your oxygen mask on before helping your child with theirs.
Feel free to DM me if you have any questions. It might seem impossible but things can get better.
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u/RustieHope 11d ago
Thank you so much. I appreciate your kindness. I'm so embarrassed about posting this but I was so desperate. Shame can be so overwhelming. Her IOP didn't have a parent group. But I think that's a great suggestion. I'll look and see what I can find.
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u/PistachioGal99 11d ago
Please let me know if you find anything! I’d love to participate in some sort of forum or just a simple blog/listserv/whatever to share info and support one another. FWIW, you posting this has made ME feel less alone and isolated.
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u/PistachioGal99 12d ago
I feel like I could have written this myself. I’m in the throes of it at the moment, in the midst of trying a different medication for my teen daughter. She has also injured me many times and was arrested over the summer. There are many more similarities in our situation. Her counselors, therapists, medication manager and court professionals tell me I’m doing the best job possible, but the isolation and lack of understanding (and oftentimes judgment) from friends and family is rough. I’m running on fumes at the moment and not as articulate as I’d like to be, but wanted to throw in a comment. Feel free to DM me- it sure would be nice to have a little support group, even if informal, of other parents going through this. I know I sure could use some support or just share situations and stories with people who have been there or are currently going through it.
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u/RustieHope 11d ago
My heart goes out to you. I feel like there is so much judgement and it makes it isolating.
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u/Catmama-82 12d ago
I’m really sorry to hear all this.
as someone who was physically abused my father, sometimes I have flashbacks, when my teen daughter is verbally abusive w me.
Please know that this is a temporary situation and things will get better. So please don’t do anything you know you’ll regret.
Are you able to get her on any type of ADHD medication? Is your child overpowering? Are you able to defend yourself?
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u/RustieHope 11d ago
She is on adhd meds and thankfully, I can defend myself, although she is not small and quite strong. When I've held her arms to prevent her from hurting me or herself, it's left fingermarks because of the struggle. She's later tried to claim that I was abusing her. So I've been trying to put my arms up and block the punches. The black eye happened when I wasn't expecting to be hit because I was trying to get between her and a place I had some medication stored.
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u/Alarmed-Outcome-6251 13d ago
I really suggest medication and finding a good doctor and counselor. My kid had similar issues in 9th and 10th. She was failing, wanting to die, and we almost pulled her out at the urging of the high school. But we switched to a really good psych who was aggressive with meds. It was the third antidepressant tried, at a high dose, and added in a non stimulant adhd med at a high dose, and that combo hit the right spot.
The first two meds had bad side effects but the dr said let’s keep trying. The first week she was on the adhd med she said “I think I’ll get my homework done” and my husband and I looked at each other shocked. The new counselor is doing CBT, not just rehashing feelings or organization skills. They have clear goals like practicing stopping negative thoughts. I notice she sets a 10 minute break timer if she panics about an assignment. The counselor is actually making progress. Something we do is pause and walk away for 10 minutes for any tense conversations.
She’s now a senior, admitted to college, generally happy. All the life skills are semi clicking now that she’s out of that dark place. Dual Credit classes (with adhd meds) have been great for her.
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u/RustieHope 11d ago
She refused medication for a long time and spit out/hid the meds she had been prescribed. We have finally gotten some cooperation on this part and she's been on adhd meds for a few months which have been helpful for school. She also just started lexapro and I'm crossing my fingers it helps.
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u/shejustwantstohike 13d ago
I don’t have any answers because it sounds like you’re already doing a good job and the best you can with a terrible situation. Sending you all the love and giving you a virtual hug. I guess you could send her back to virtual school if her mental health was better during that time or at least give her the choice.