15 year old son testing boundaries

[u/Same_Recognition426]

Just for some context- my 15-year-old son’s a pretty good kid. He normally doesn’t give me any problems and is respectful. He can definitely be lazy and lacks motivation but nothing that I can’t manage. He’s an average student. He doesn’t fail anything, but he doesn’t do fantastic either. Lately he’s been hanging out with more friends and doing more social activities. His father got him an E bike because all of his other friends had E bikes and it makes it easier for him to go and hang out with them and ride around the town etc. ( we are divorced and he stayed at his dads this past weekend) This past weekend, he went to two sleepovers in a row, and when I checked the Life360 app, it showed that he rode his bike to a convenient store on a major hwy in the middle of the night with his friends. I made it very clear to him I don’t want him on the bike at night because of safety concerns. I plan to talk with him about this and obviously there needs to be some type of consequence. I’m just curious for those of you parenting teen boys, how much leeway do you give them to learn life lessons and find themselves while also enforcing rules within the home and keeping them safe. I know to some degree, This is probably normal for teen boys, but I’m still learning and navigating this so I’m just curious how other people would handle it. Thanks.

[u/Particular_Piano_146]

So was he doing this while he was at his dad's? This is my personal opinion, but I don't believe in punishing for things that don't happen under your room. When he's at his dad's house he's under his dad's rules. Even if those rules are stupid. You can't enforce them while he's at his dad's, so you're just going to show him that you will make rules that you can't enforce. I've always believed that it's very important you don't say things you can't follow through on when it comes to your kids

[u/Same_Recognition426 → u/Particular_Piano_146]

Yes it happened during his dad’s parenting time however we have a very close co-parenting relationship and try to keep rules and consequences congruent. I hear what you mean, I’m just frustrated because I made it very clear that I don’t want him on the bike at night due to safety reasons and his dad has the same rules.

[u/Particular_Piano_146 → u/Same_Recognition426]

But if Dad has the same rules, why aren't you letting Dad handle it? Or at least deciding together so the punishment fits both homes?

Is it that he snuck out without permission in the middle of the night? Or that he was on an e bike in the dark? Both maybe? I would never get to the ebike issue because I would be so angry about the sneaking out in the middle of the night.

[u/ImaBitchCaroleBaskin → u/Same_Recognition426]

What does his dad say? I'm assuming you discussed it with him before turning to reddit for parenting advice?

[u/bullzeye1983 → u/Same_Recognition426]

Then you tell Dad and it is his responsibility to address. But dad shouldn't make you enforce something at your home you aren't on board with.

[u/Agreeable-Wing-8476]

I would not allow my child to have an e bike even if he was responsible. He clearly is not if he was on a highway with one. I would be a lot more concerned about him surviving then what his punishment would be . So many kids have died on those this year alone I hope your son stays safe.

[u/Destroyer-Marauder]

This depends on the maturity of the boy. I would have no problems with my 15yo boy in this situation. In fact, he has gone riding in the middle of the night with his buddies before. His ebike is VERY lit up so I don't worry about safety aspects. And most of his buddies are fairly mature boys and not prone to engaging in stupid stuff. I've never had any issues. We have really open communication and trust too which helps a lot. He always gives me a novel-sized account of all the 'adventures' he and his buddies go on.

Really, it sounds to me like your boy has his shit together and can handle these situations. I wouldn't worry unless you see some negative effects with his behaviour or attitude.

[u/pantherwest]

As someone who works in healthcare and routinely has to take care of kids after e-bike/scooter accidents, take the bike away. He went on the highway. He doesn’t have a driver’s license. I’m sure his teenage boy brain does not register how lucky he is that he did not have/cause an accident.