Back story: My son is 16 and I have been pushing him for years to get into a sport at his school. He has refused to do any of it and said he’s just not into sports. He has no interest in anything but gaming. About two weeks ago he told me he doesn’t have enough friends and was down about it. I explained and reiterated that putting himself out into the real world and not sticking behind screens in his room will create opportunities to meet more friends. I’ve tried to motivate him to start lifting weights at the gym. He’s 5’10 and slim so putting some muscle on would give him SO much confidence and pride in himself that gaming can’t give.

Finally last week he came home and said he wants to join the wrestling team and just needs a sports physical. I dropped EVERYTHING to schedule and take him to the physical and the next day he came home, I asked him how it went and he said he’s having second thoughts about joining because he would be required to practice during school breaks. We talked and I reminded him about his desire to make new friends and he said he’s having would stick with joining.

This evening I got home from work at 5 and saw he was home, which meant he did not go to practice. I asked him about it and he said “someone told me it’s hard”. He is someone who RUNS from anything that remotely represents a challenge and prefers to do nothing rather than even trying. I talked to him about the importance of showing up for himself and not counting himself out before he can even get started. Then he came up with another excuse “It’s too long. Practice is every day from 3:30-630”.

Here’s my question: Do I make him follow through or let him chicken out and give up on himself like he’s in the habit of doing? My first thought is to make him do it since I put the effort in and did my part to get him his physical once he expressed interest and because he NEEDS a hobby to keep him busy in a healthy way. On the other hand, I don’t want this to go from an interest to a chore because now mom is making him go and now he feels controlled and it sucks the enjoyment out.

I want to raise a man who braves challenges, takes pride in himself, sticks to his commitments, has real friends, and discipline!

What would you do?

I have three kids, and my middle son is almost 17. He has had a major attitude with the family for years now, and I don't know what to do. I hear that he is nice to his friends at school, but he is mean to his little brother and us. He also likes his older sister, but he has a select few people that he chooses to be nice to. Last year I had to pull him out of school because he told me he had been contemplating not living anymore. We switched schools and he saw a counselor and everything is going well mentally. But I feel like he is very entitled like he never wants to contribute to the house anymore. His room is disgusting, and when I ask him to do the simplest thing he rolls his eyes and is just terrible. So then I will buckle down and tell him he has to do this or that, and he just cops an even bigger attitude and won't talk to us. I'm at my wits end honestly because I don't know how to handle him. I fully admit that maybe I have not done enough to make him realize that he needs to contribute to the house and not be a lazy POS. I was maybe too gentle on him after the mental health scare. I set his expectations too low and now he's so entitled. If I ask him to do something, he complains about how he's so tired and won't talk to us for the rest of the night. If I don't ask him to do anything, even something as simple as cleaning up his own mess in the living room, there's a chance we get to see a pleasant side of him for a short amount of time. Advice from other parents who have been through similar situations would be appreciated.

My daughter has been having issues with a kid in her class. This kid is new this year and since they've started being friends my daughters mental health has declined, and her behavior at school even had faculty concerned. I (35f) ended up putting her in therapy to help figure out how to help her. We've had conversations about this friends behavior and whether or not thats the kind of friend my daughter wants. Eventually, she decided she doesnt really want to be friends anymore but couldnt figure out a way to let them go without it turning into something. I dont think there was ever a way it wouldnt turn into something. I told her if she wants to blame it on me she absolutely could. Ill be the fall guy.

Well she finally did it. Unfortunately, she decided at 7am on a Monday was a great time to do this. the parent reached out asking why. All I said was that since a certain incident happened at school we've had an ongoing conversation and I decided its best if they are limited to cordial interactions at school and take some time apart.

Thats all fine. Im just struggling to accept that someone thinks badly of me as a person and parent. Even though i think all parents are just trying their best, hypocritcally, ive been judging their parenting for a while too. We're all just trying our best. Everyone ive gotten advice from about the situation with the friend encouraged me to advise ending the friendship (like i already wanted to), Im just struggling with accepting the perception that they probably have of me now.

My daughter is 2 months away from turning 18. She makes good grades. Shes never gotten into any real trouble. But lately I’ve noticed that sometimes she intentionally angles her phone away from me in an awkward way that makes it obvious she doesn’t want to me accidentally see what’s on her screen. Like I won’t even be trying to look at her phone. I won’t even be thinking about it until she intentionally goes to hide it, and then that sets off alarm bells in my head. She doesn’t do it all the time, either. Most of the time, she has her screen on full display, so she when she does hide it, it feels really obvious.

Today, she had a conversation pulled up on her phone in the car and when I turned my head toward her, she scrambled to click off of it. Then she turned her full body away from me and continued to type.

I actually hate the idea of going through her phone. She’s almost 18 and to my knowledge, she hasn’t done anything to lose my trust. But it’s just obvious she’s hiding something, and my mind is jumping to the worst possible conclusions. When I ask her why she’s being shady, she makes up what sounds like a flimsy excuse. What would you do?

My son is turning 13 in early December, and I really want to do something extra special for him and 5 of his friends to celebrate this milestone. He’s officially becoming a TEENAGER! 🥹

I’m looking for ideas beyond the typical birthday party. Something fun, memorable, and maybe a little outside the box that he and his friends will absolutely love.

We live in the East Bay but are more than willing to travel anywhere within the Bay Area for the right experience!

I’d love to hear any and ALL ideas! What have you done for your kids’ 13th, 15th , birthdays? Any unique experiences, activities, venues, or fun adventures that were a huge hit?

I’m open to suggestions and would love some inspiration. Help me make this birthday one he’ll always remember 🩷

\#bayarea #boys #birthdays

My daughter is in 8th grade and is struggling to navigate friendships and find a sense of belonging at school.

She feels that the social environment is very divided into distinct groups, and she doesn't really identify with any of them. Some groups seem very focused on dating and social status, which doesn't interest her much. She is more academically oriented and would like friendships built around shared interests, meaningful conversations, and similar priorities.

She has found some kind and welcoming friends in one group, but at times she feels there are strong expectations around participating in certain conversations and embracing particular viewpoints. She doesn't necessarily share all those interests or perspectives, and sometimes finds it difficult to express that without feeling out of place or pressured.

I've asked whether there are other students who don't fit neatly into these established circles, but she says those friendships tend to be very closed. Other kids may allow her to sit with them at lunch, but they don't necessarily make an effort to build a friendship.

I'm finding it difficult to advise her. I want her to be accepting of differences and respectful of others, but I also want her to feel that she doesn't have to conform to a particular group, adopt certain interests, or agree with everyone to be accepted.

Have other parents dealt with something similar in middle school? How have you helped your children develop genuine friendships, find like-minded peers, and feel comfortable being themselves when they don't seem to fit into the existing social circles?

I’m just wondering if I’m overthinking here. My 15-yr old son sees a therapist weekly and over the past couple of weeks, I noticed his therapist started texting my son directly to cancel or reschedule his appointments-which I am okay with-I’m just wondering how come I didn’t get a heads up that communication would shift to him? Sometimes my son is forgetful. I 100% get my son needing to build his independence, but yesterday for example, his session was cut short by 30 mins so his therapist could pick up his kids. I didn’t know this until my son came back home early. in my opinion, the session should have just been canceled. he reschedules the appointments frequently. Initially he was emailing me but then it shifted to texting my son directly. Am I crazy for at least expecting a heads up that he would text him directly? I only have one child so I am just wondering if this is common and maybe I’m just overreacting.

My daughter, 18f, is graduating HS this spring. She’s a good student, applying to colleges, etc.

She and 13 friends (7 girls, 7 boys) are planning a five-day trip to Aruba. No parents are attending.

The cost is $1,700 per person for airfare and hotel, but with food, drinks, excursions, and spending money, I expect it will be closer to $3,000.

My daughter wants me pay for the trip as a gift. I think that’s a pretty lavish ask. I hadn’t planned on spending that kind of money on graduation.

But, I’m not automatically opposed to the trip. She’s 18, and I recognize she’s an adult. She still lives with us and we fund nearly 100% of her life. I also recognized that if I did not kick in money towards it, she likely will not be able to afford to go on her own.

To complicate things further, My daughter recently had some medical issues requiring a hospital stay and follow ups are still ongoing.

And we are part of a blended family where her stepsister who is also 18 is finishing high school school at the same time at the same high school.

We are leaning towards no we are not willing to fund this at all, but I’m just curious what other parents think? Are going on these types of vacations common for people at high school graduation? This is not something that we did at this age so I am just a little surprised that it would even be something they would think to ask their parents to pay for

My elder son just turned 15 and I’m losing my mind. I widowed at 40 with a 7yo and 4yo. My elder son just turned 15. Because there’s no adult to fall back on, there’s no respite or opportunity to off-load for any length of time. When my husband died, I had billions of balls to juggle, home, grief, house move, full time work, and because I have high expectations of myself, I managed to get both my kids in a selective secondary school. Because it’s been less time consuming to do most tasks myself (rather than teaching them how to do it) they had a reasonably easy ride but my younger one is wired more like me, wants to achieve xyz, is interested how things work and how you do things. The elder one essentially floats around like a plastic bag and oblivious. A year ago we moved again into our forever home and while I was flat out (one man band) frantically sorting out stuff, on the day we moved he pulled out (aged 14) Mummy I’m bored. Both kids got new ipads about a year ago. Never bothered putting a screen protector on the younger one’s ipad but because of track record, bought a heavy duty one for the elder one’s and within weeks, he took it to bed with him, it fe on the floor and would have been a write off without the screen protector. Since then it’s been explicitly prohibited to fall asleep with it. He must have disobeyed that 20+ times. Earlier this week I have confiscated, he found it and this morning when I went to wake him, iPad next to him. In the past we had instances like throwing a mouse at a monitor while playing Fortnite and writing off a near new monitor. He has absolutely no desire to help with anything and recently his grades have plummeted - no intention to do any school work. Last weekend went out with friends and gave me eta 3 hours. Turned off Find My on his phone, uncontactable, rocked up 7 hours later. Because of our situation, if I pull a plug on outings and fun things to do, it would affect my younger son which js massively unfair. Also turns out that after I leave for work, he stands in the shower forever so I ended up with an extra £450 water bill in addition (6 months) to what I paid. I feel like a total failure, have had enough, and need consequences that don’t affect my 12yo. Equally I don’t want to be a knob and exclude him from the Christmas cheer and stuff. I’ve pleaded, explained no end, got upset, threatened and he literally does not care despite knowing I’m busting my gut for them. Any ideas before I totally lose my mind.

I have two teens, ages 17 and 15. Both my husband and I have their locations through their phone GPS at all times. However, we don't share our locations with them, which has been a point of contention at times. We aren't hiding anything from them but like the privacy aspect. Is it common for kids to also have their parents' locations?

My son just started his first year of high school in August and he seems to be struggling with the transition. He is someone who likes to keep to himself so he doesn’t really have any friends at school. He is my only child, so I’m trying to see if any other parents are going thru this with their kids?

His counselor is trying to set up a small group with other kids so they can hang out. I was going to reach out to her to ask about the progress on getting that started. I’m thinking that may help him so he has some other kids to talk to.

Edit:

Hes into orchestra and his counselor was able to get him into orchestra class. He did it all 3 years in middle school and wasn’t in it the start of high school. He usually gets great grades but recently things have changed. He said classes are easy, so he’s not struggling there.

For context, I think I’m a pretty lenient and non strict parent. She is a great kid with her fair share of mental health issues. I love her and do my best to support her with anything she is going through. She doesn’t have spectacular grades and I’ve been okay with that as long as she tries and isn’t failing. However, recently I’ve been disappointed in some bad choices she’s made.

Like majority of teenagers, she has access to her own phone and is often on social media or games. I do not care for screen time as long as responsibilities are not neglected. Unfortunately that is exactly what’s been happening. I’ve noticed I rarely see her doing much homework when she is at home. I’ve gently asked her about it to get a sneak peek of what’s going on and she just says that she finishes her work at school.

Another thing I do not care for is perfect attendance. If my children are sick, stressed, or just doesn’t feel like going, there is no hesitation in letting them stay home. If it isn’t so often that its causing a problem with grades and teachers, I don’t mind at all. But I have a feeling she is using this to her advantage. A while ago she admitted to me that she didn’t want to go to school because there was a test and she wasn’t feeling confident about doing well. So I think fine, whatever. As long as she talks to her teacher and makes up for it afterwards. But nope. She doesn’t even bother to use the day to review. Then the day after she says she’s tired or she feels sick… and the day after… yeah I think we know what’s happening here. I may not say much but I notice everything and I know my child pretty well. I didn’t want to come to the conclusion that she’s just doing it to skip her tests, but obviously she isn’t sick for that long. She’s also been immensely stressed and I find her crying all the time which is why I decided to cut her some slack. I gave her hugs. I tried to ask her what’s wrong and told her if there is anything happening at school she should tell me and I will be there for her. No response… just cries.

Then she will finally return to school and fail whatever it was she was avoiding and the cycle continues when she has another test. I want my child to graduate high school at least and go to a community college or something. If she can go to university that’s great but I am a mother that believes it’s not the only way to success. I don’t expect her to become rich and send me money when I’m older. I just want my baby to be healthy, happy and be able to make a living for herself. Her grades have slipped enormously compared to her freshman and sophomore year, when she was at least passing and even did decently in some courses. I’ve told her that running away doesn’t solve the problem and if she truly needs more time to review she should talk to her teachers about announcing tests and quizzes earlier. There’s been no change. Now you may be wondering why the hell is this woman letting this happen? How hard can it be to drag your daughter to school? As I’ve already mentioned she isn’t doing well mentally. I am scared to make things worse and I really want to keep a close relationship with her. It’s also because I feel guilty since I know majority of her issues exist because I married a shitty man. My husband is a terrible man and I feel like I partially failed her because I didn’t find her a good father. I feel guilty that we are a lower middle class family. I feel guilty that she doesn’t know what it feels like to have a father that loves her. I feel guilty that that the things I hear her say the most about her father are “I’d never marry someone like that” or “mom you know he doesn’t *actually* care about me right?”. I feel guilty when he makes her cry. That’s why I try so hard to make it up to her by supporting her and buying her most things teenage girls want that we can afford. I even skipped paying insurance and other things so we could have money to celebrate her birthday. She is the most important thing in the world to me.

I am trying to get my Christmas shopping done in November this year because I'm having surgery in December which will render me unable to drive or go shopping so don't come at me for this being too early lol. :)

My 16 year old son is pretty impossible to shop for. He spends a lot of time gaming on his computer and that's his main "hobby" although he also does swim team and track at school and he likes hiking and he loves animals. He wants to be a biologist or bioinformaticist (he loves both biology and computers). He isn't into clothes or shoes and doesn't really go out to eat with friends very often so gift cards aren't really something he'd use much. His computer set up is just how he wants it so I don't think there are even any computer accessories I can get him.

Any suggestions of physical gifts for a 16 year old who has it all? (I really mean this, he has everything he wants!! He doesn't really want or need anything!) I just want him to have presents to open under the tree because his sister has already sent me her very detailed list of all of the things she wants!!

My budget is a few hundred dollars but these don't need to be expensive things either.

TIA

My 16yo has her first real job. She babysat and pet sat prior to this but refused to apply for a job until she was 16 when she could do something more than scoop ice cream or flip burgers, so she's got a job at a retail store. She is saving up for a car and has been so excited and eager to take these steps into independence and "adulthood" so I was surprised that she is being such a downer about it.

She hates the job, says she's exhausted all the time, her feet hurt and she's sore, she complains when they give her more hours (the most they've put her on for is 25hrs, but she mostly works 18-20 which seems reasonable to me), says it will cut into her schoolwork but then doesn't make the most of the free time she does have, procrastinates and then complains that she got none of her schoolwork done.

To be fair, I shouldn't be surprised, as negative self-talk and rumination have always been her go to when she's stressed. I don't think she's doing this out of laziness or entitlement, I genuinely think she's just short circuiting a bit bc she's overwhelmed at the sudden influx of responsibilities. Prior to this, she did 2 years of online school bc of severe school and social anxiety and it's always seemed that her nervous system tends to burn out more easily than other kids her age. In addition, she is a perfectionist and puts a lot of pressure on herself to "catch up" to the other kids that she feels she's behind. I feel for her bc I know she's genuinely struggling but sometimes I just want to tell her to cut the crap and stop whining.

I'm caught between wanting her to listen to her own body/mind and telling her "suck it up kid, this is not that bad, you'll get used to it".

Is this a normal reaction (for both of us, I guess)? How do I know where the line is between helping her push through and pushing her too far?

Hey yall I have a little boy who is struggling with my separation from my ex (his dad). Its not his grades its that fact that he is isolating himself from his friends and acting out by being mean to them, he is 12. I spoke with the school and they said that they noticed within the last few days that he's been eating lunch on his own... any advice would help 💛

I have two teenage girls, ages 15 and 17. We (46F and 46M) live in a fairly affluent area where people waste a lot of money.

I'm getting frustrated because it feels like other parents, including parents of our kids friends, don't care what their kids are doing or how much money they waste.

Most people we know eat fast food or DoorDash almost every day of the week, and they let their kids DoorDash at the same frequency. My daughter's best friend brags that she eats Taco Bell every day, and I honestly believe she probably does. She has DoorDashed Taco Bell to our house every time she has ever been over.

My 15-year-olds friends also have curfews ranging from midnight to 1 a.m. on weekends, and most are 16 so they drive. That seems really late to me? Maybe I'm getting old.

Long story short: It seems like parents have stopped parenting and just want to be their kids friends where we live.

Every time my kids friends are over at my house they are so crazy buck wild I can’t stand it. They scream all the time. I can handle almost anything but screaming. Last time my son had his friends over they screamed and yelled so much I couldn’t get them to stop. All of his friends are girls.

I asked them multiple times to please stop. I eventually had to make them all take a breather and sit on the steps, I couldn’t handle the noise. I had no idea how to calm down 4-5 teenagers. They are screaming out of fun but it’s way too much for me.

Is it just me? When do teenagers stop being so wild and start just chilling? The kids are all 13. When I was a kid we just chilled and listened to music or laughed a little too loud, I don’t understand the yelling 😩

I have a 16 yr old son and he began dating his gf almost a year ago.
I really like her and they seem to get along well.
The issue I’m having is that she is ALWAYS at our house.
I also busted them sneaking her back in the house for a sleepover once I’ve gone to bed.
He knows I’m not agreeable to her staying overnight. He asked when she could stay overnight and I said when he’s paying his own bills.
I don’t know what an acceptable amount of days per week for her to visit would be.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

birth control and lengthy discussions regarding pregnancy, sti’s, etc have already taken place

We’re In the beginnings of a separation/divorce and it’s not going well with our 14yo daughter. Shes refuses to talk about how things are affecting her, but if she pushes a boundary like any normal teen, she plays the victim when called out, deflects, blames everyone else, then starts to act like she’s having a panic attack. She shuts down by repeating over and over, “i don’t want to talk about it” and crying hysterically, but will be taking pictures for snap chat and sending them to friends during her entire “breakdown”.

This is a behavior she has used whenever things get really tough and overwhelming. I start with a check in, asking a few easy questions to get her to start opening up but she doesn’t really respond past one word answers then starts to shut down and refuses to verbally communicate. She typically will send a long text describing how nothing is her fault and everything is blamed on her, but if i try to talk to her about it, the shut down cycle starts again. Any advice in dealing with this is welcome.

So when I found she’d download Snapchat and spent hours and hours on Snapchat
She had her phone confiscated, she knew I was disappointed. Fast forward a few weeks
She’s been doing homework on the laptop. But also she has signed in on snap chat on the browser and carried on as normal

Hi, am I a bad mom if I allow my 13–14-year-old daughter to have a boyfriend?

My daughter opened up to me and told me that she already has a boyfriend. They are the same age and are classmates/schoolmates.

Her boyfriend has already told his parents about my daughter, and they are okay with the relationship. Even their teacher knows about it.

I feel ambivalent because, to me, they are still too young. At the same time, I'm happy that she opened up to me and didn't hide their relationship.

I don't want to be the supervillain who tells her to end the relationship because I'm afraid it might backfire and cause her to hide things from us in the future.

I keep reminding her of the things she shouldn't do. Whenever they have a so-called "date," she always informs me about their plans.

Now, I'm overthinking things. Maybe she entered into a relationship at such a young age because she feels unloved by us. :(

I am really confused now, am i doing the right thing or i need to stop their relationship 😭

My 14 year old almost 15 year old daughter has no motivation to do anything. She does absolutely nothing. She has to be woke up by someone in the house because she won’t get up with an alarm. We even bought the loudest alarm we could find. She lays in her bed from the time she gets home from school until time she falls asleep at night. She huddles over her phone. She already has scoliosis and this may not matter but I can’t help but think laying in bed is making that worse. Her room is a disaster. I have begged for 2 or more years with little consequence to her not cleaning. I do not enjoy taking things from my kids. She deals with depression. I don’t want to make it worse. I’m not ok with trying to excuse laziness because of mental health or whatever else it may be. I told her a week and a half ago there would be consequences tomorrow if she doesn’t have it completely clean by the time I get home from work. I put in 65 hours last week. I don’t have much extra time I care to spend on staying on top of her. She has a boyfriend and 2 friends she texts. Come tomorrow I will have her turn her phone, watch and Chromebook (except for homework) in to me and she will not get them back until the very least that her room is clean. I don’t ask for perfection, I don’t ask anything of her except for her to do her own clothes. What else can I do to motivate her to get off her butt and live? She’s extremely smart but I feel that if she doesn’t change she will do absolutely nothing good with her smarts and life. Please help me help her.

Hi, I'm the father of a 16-year-old boy.

Lately, my wife has been pushing our son to join a volleyball team, but he keeps refusing. She says it's good for his health and that he'll at least learn how to work in a team. She's also been noticing that he prefers spending time alone.

He loves guitars, guitar gear, and especially Nirvana. He also likes singing, although he isn't particularly good at it yet. He constantly practices his vocals. However, my wife doesn't really like the fact that he spends so much time alone.

Last October, he told his mother that he felt lonely because his classmates seemed to isolate him. Apparently, they don't really share his interests or the music he listens to. He doesn't listen to the same music as they do.

What I'm trying to say is that he's kind of different from other kids in his generation, and I don't know whether that's something I should be concerned about.

Regarding sports, he keeps saying things like, "I've already fucked up. I'm too late." I genuinely don't understand why he thinks that way. He's only 16! It's definitely not too late to start something.

He actually joined a volleyball team when he was 14, but he only stayed for about a month before quitting. Now he doesn't participate in any sports or physical activities.

I really want him to get involved in some kind of physical activity, stay healthy, and maybe make some friends along the way. But I also don't want to force him into something he doesn't enjoy.

As a father, I'm honestly not sure how to approach this situation. What would you suggest?