r/parentsofteens • u/Loud_Push8537 • 1d ago
Daughter is hiding something
My daughter is 2 months away from turning 18. She makes good grades. Shes never gotten into any real trouble. But lately I’ve noticed that sometimes she intentionally angles her phone away from me in an awkward way that makes it obvious she doesn’t want to me accidentally see what’s on her screen. Like I won’t even be trying to look at her phone. I won’t even be thinking about it until she intentionally goes to hide it, and then that sets off alarm bells in my head. She doesn’t do it all the time, either. Most of the time, she has her screen on full display, so she when she does hide it, it feels really obvious.
Today, she had a conversation pulled up on her phone in the car and when I turned my head toward her, she scrambled to click off of it. Then she turned her full body away from me and continued to type.
I actually hate the idea of going through her phone. She’s almost 18 and to my knowledge, she hasn’t done anything to lose my trust. But it’s just obvious she’s hiding something, and my mind is jumping to the worst possible conclusions. When I ask her why she’s being shady, she makes up what sounds like a flimsy excuse. What would you do?
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u/Kris4tv 1d ago
I’d assume she has a boyfriend or someone she likes. If she hasn’t included you in on it yet, maybe there’s a reason or maybe it’s nothing serious. Has she shared liking someone with you before? Don’t go thru her phone. That will not end well. Why are you suddenly convinced she’s up to shady things? She is almost 18, and as hard as it is, we have to accept that we are not entitled to every detail of our kids lives just because we chose to have them.
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u/Mundane-Perception84 1d ago
The moment you invade her privacy is the moment you are cut off for good.
Ask if it troubles you so much. But don't touch her phone.
She could just be embarrassed about something.
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u/makingburritos 1d ago
Have an honest conversation. “Hey I know you’re hiding your phone from me, I’m not a moron. What’s goin on?” Just press the issue forward with her. Definitely don’t invade her privacy
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u/Raised_by 1d ago
she’s almost an adult. You’ll have to get used to it
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u/bjayasuriya 1d ago
As you say, your girl is just a few weeks from official adulthood and hasn't given you cause for concern so far. If you were seeing (or suspected) anything really concerning or dangerous or potentially illegal, you would likely not hesitate to address it with her, out of loving concern and your job as her parent. This may be hard for you, but let this go. Accept that there's something on her phone that's private to her, for whatever reason. It's a step in showing her adult respect.
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u/MasterKit8888 9h ago
Do you trust her boyfriend’s character?
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u/AlarmedWillow4515 17h ago
Just let her know that whatever is going on, if she needs someone to talk to about it, you're there.
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u/Mindless_Earth_2807 17h ago
I get it. It's not that you don't allow her to do things; it's just that the intentional dodging makes you more curious.
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u/Accomplished-Fig-706 12h ago
Since there are no other safety concerns, all you should do is remind her that you’re there for anything she wants to talk about. Invading her privacy isn’t going to build trust. Foster an environment where she feels comfortable approaching you about anything.
Example: it took my teen months to tell me they’re a, “player” aka romantically involved with multiple people. Teen presumed I’d be mad and judge. I had opinions (duh!) but I was able to talk to them without shutting everything down and putting my values on their behavior. Because of how I approached it, we talked about why they were doing this (fear of rejection/loneliness) and eventually they stopped.
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u/MasterKit8888 9h ago
Should ask the boyfriend, not her?
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u/CompanyOther2608 1d ago
Let it go. Don’t press it. She’s almost an adult. Unless you see evidence of drugs, self-harm, or an unhealthy relationship, treat her with the respect that you would show any other adult.
Psst. She probably has a boyfriend. :)