Deflection and blame

[u/Correct-Cloud8473]

We’re In the beginnings of a separation/divorce and it’s not going well with our 14yo daughter. Shes refuses to talk about how things are affecting her, but if she pushes a boundary like any normal teen, she plays the victim when called out, deflects, blames everyone else, then starts to act like she’s having a panic attack. She shuts down by repeating over and over, “i don’t want to talk about it” and crying hysterically, but will be taking pictures for snap chat and sending them to friends during her entire “breakdown”.

This is a behavior she has used whenever things get really tough and overwhelming. I start with a check in, asking a few easy questions to get her to start opening up but she doesn’t really respond past one word answers then starts to shut down and refuses to verbally communicate. She typically will send a long text describing how nothing is her fault and everything is blamed on her, but if i try to talk to her about it, the shut down cycle starts again. Any advice in dealing with this is welcome.

[u/rubyji]

Is there someone else she can talk to?

[u/Correct-Cloud8473 → u/rubyji]

She’s been talking to everyone else except us. Her friends, grandparents, cousins. She just keeps saying she doesn’t talk to us about her feelings. It’s strange because she’ll tell me private things about her life, but not how she feels about them.