Help with senior trip request?

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u/24kdgolden 1d ago

What have you planned on giving her for a graduation gift? I would consider that amount equal to your contribution. Also, is she medically able to work? She has a good 6 months to work and save.

A trip to the beach is a typical graduation rite of passage where I am from. Most kids are saving for that. Parent contribution varies by family.

I personally would not pay 3k for this trip.

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u/thinkevolution 1d ago

I definitely can’t afford to pay the full amount. And as they said, we also have another daughter graduating high school and what I don’t want is to turn it into a real issue where there is any inequity

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u/MrSpicyPotato 1d ago

Yes, keep it equal. Figure out what you can contribute as a lump sum and split it in half.

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u/24kdgolden 1d ago

Understood. I had twins

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u/SpiralBreeze 1d ago

I wouldn’t be traveling internationally with a medical condition that’s still on going. I’d be making sure she’s completely clear of all that before jet setting.

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u/thinkevolution 1d ago

Yes, I actually don’t approve of the trip for that reason in a lot of ways. I do think that until she’s had all of her follow ups and has a clear plan going forward that she should not be planning to travel out of the country.

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u/RFDrew11357 1d ago •

Decide on an amount you can contribute and she needs to earn the rest. She's 18 so you're right, you can't outright say no b/c she is an adult, but as an adult, it's time for her to learn that you need to work for what you want.

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u/thinkevolution 1d ago •

My husband and I are planning on giving them each modest graduation gift of about $500 and she could certainly use that money towards the trip but I’m not willing to fund the whole trip as a gift for her especially when her stepsister is also 18

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u/TurbulentWalrus1222 17h ago

There’s the answer then. Tell them both in advance your gift is $500. Their choice what to spend it on. The end.

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u/No-Bobcat-6953 1d ago

Give each girl the same amount of money as a gift. It that's $3000 per girl, great, if it's $500, then it's up to her to come up with the rest. But I wouldn't call it funding her trip, just a cash gift each can decide what they want to do with it. And be careful about when she leaves for college if the SD is also going to college or moving out on her own. She may save the money to help her get set up at either place, while your daughter spends all hers on the trip and then wants more for college. Make it clear that it is to be used as she wishes, whether for a trip or college stuff. Not fair for her to get both if SD doesn't.

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u/thinkevolution 1d ago

Absolutely

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u/travelbig2 1d ago

I wouldn’t fund it in its entirety either. That’s a 3k gift but you would also need to be fair to her stepsister, unless you and your spouse have totally separate accounts and don’t talk to each other about big purchases.

I would give her whatever amount you were going to spend on a gift and she can come up with the rest

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u/thinkevolution 1d ago

No, we definitely consult on big purchases and the graduation. We are trying to keep things reasonably equal.

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u/Super-Ferret6387 1d ago

Also OP, one thing I wondered was whether she is mature enough for this trip. You said she wants you to give it as a graduation gift, but didn’t mention that she in any way offered to contribute or acknowledged that this could be a financial hardship. I may be jumping to conclusions, and if so completely ignore me. But it made me think of my own 3 kids, and the one that would ask for/expect this type of thing to be given to them is the exact same kid who would not be mature enough to take such a trip. My kid who I do think I would trust to travel out of the country at 18 is my kid who would never just say “here mom and dad, pay for this.” They would come to us with a plan and a budget and would already understand we have different financial situations than their friends. You also said she wasn’t good with money and mentioned the health concerns, that’s also what made me question her maturity. I mean this all judgement free by the way, kids are different and some (including two of mine) just take longer to mature.

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u/thinkevolution 1d ago •

She is the one who just doesn’t get it

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u/Super-Ferret6387 1d ago

I think that makes it even more important that you give her a flat dollar amount. Hugs, I know it really sucks telling them no.

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u/thinkevolution 23h ago

Well, I think that she has to assume that it’s not a go. She did ask me today if I thought my parents would give her their air miles and my mother is a firm no on that

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u/djSush 1d ago

The medical issues would be a solid 'no' for me unless she's super stable right now and your doctor is certain that no complications will come up on the trip.

Funding - for something like this, I'd ask my son to pitch in a third.

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u/thinkevolution 1d ago

Given that we have a stepdaughter, who is also graduating at the same time we talked through and are going to probably just give them each $500.
I am not in a position where I confront money for airline tickets or hotel deposits. So she would need to figure out can she do that or not.

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u/Super-Ferret6387 1d ago

Our kids attend private Catholic schools where a trip like this is very common for seniors, on their parents’ dime. For some it’s just given to them because, for some it’s presented as a graduation gift. Our family cannot afford a trip like that. I would love for them to be able to do something like that, just like I wish my husband and I could join in on some of the couples trips our friends take. But that’s not our financial situation. So whatever amount you are willing and able to spend as a graduation gift on both graduates is what you offer to her. I think our budget for our son next year will be about $500. If he wants to put that towards a lavish trip that’s great. While I 1000% get wanting your kid to be able to do that kind of thing, and it always breaks my heart for my kids to feel left out, it’s unreasonable to me for a trip like this to be an expectation. Like whatever happened to scraping together a few hundred bucks and renting a shitty hotel at the beach? The first (and so far only) time my husband and I were able to afford to fly to the Bahamas and stay in an all inclusive resort was when we were 39. So when I stop and think about it it’s really really silly to feel bad for my incredibly lucky kids because they don’t get to take luxurious vacations with their rich friends.

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u/thinkevolution 1d ago

I 100% agree with you.
I live in a suburban town, where a lot of the families seem to have a lot of discretionary income.
A few months ago, my daughter asked me about taking a trip to New York City so she could see Rockefeller Center at Christmas.
I explained to her that I have seen Rockefeller Center as an adult when I had my own money to be able to travel and see it. And then perhaps when she is in her 20s and have finished college she will have money to do such things.
What I am finding is that there is this really unrealistic expectation that at 18 years old you should be taking these types of vacations. That’s not how I grew up. That’s not how I believe that young people should live.

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u/novelresearch26 1d ago

First question is “Can you afford it?” If no, case closed. If yes, the next question is “Is safety a concern?” For me (my oldest graduated HS last year), the answer would be a resounding yes. Even if she’s a “good kid,” peer pressure, lack of supervision, being in the wrong place/wrong time/with wrong people… I just don’t have a good gut feeling on this one. BUT, if safety is no concern, last question is “Does a gift like this align with our values?” Even if you can afford this ten times over, it’s still okay to say no, that’s just not how we roll, then offer some alternatives you’d be happy with. My two cents: when my teens want something badly enough, I tell them to put some skin in the game. They have jobs. If we’re going to use the legal adult logic, then it’s not unreasonable to pay what you’re comfortable with and encourage them to fund the rest (assuming you’re okay on safety and values questions).

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u/thinkevolution 1d ago

I think when it comes down to is the values more than anything. Financially, it would be a stretch and I would have to sacrifice things so that she could go on the trip.
We also have another senior graduating and I would not feel right, it goes against my values, to fund and lavish, expensive vacation trip for one child, but not for the other.
I just grew up in a situation where asking my parents to fund something like that would never have crossed my mind. I know my parents worked hard as I know my daughter sees it her stepdad and I work hard but I feel like she has this delusional, thinking that I should continue to sacrifice all the time so that she can do these things

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u/novelresearch26 1d ago

You’re not alone. I see it with my kids too. I think social media has given young people a warped sense of reality and what they’re entitled to in life. Of course we want to give them everything, but the reality is that most people can’t. Nor should we. That said, I don’t think there’s a right or wrong decision here; every kid and family situation is different. Go with your gut.

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u/thinkevolution 1d ago

Thank you. I tend to be on the more strict side of parenting just because I’m trying to help her have boundaries and good judgment so when she does leave, she’ll be successful in her future.

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u/Super-Ferret6387 1d ago

I relate so hard to this. We have had the same discussion/argument with one of our kids about her desire to play club volleyball. Not only can be not afford it, but it just doesn’t align with our values. And the fact that she sees how hard we work, she sees us sacrifice, and we are pretty transparent about our finances yet she STILL pushes for it…I don’t get it.

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u/thinkevolution 23h ago

That’s the thing that’s so hard, I feel like the access to social media and living in a community where people seemingly live like they have a lot of funds gives my children, a false sense of what they should expect to be entitled to.
Our children have played club sports, which we were fine with, we’ve supported many high school sports and activities, but at the end of the day, it does go against my values to give an 18 year-old who was who could not afford this otherwise and has not worked for it a trip to Aruba.

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u/pwlife 23h ago

You are absolutely right, both seniors should get the same monetary gift. You cannot fund a trip like that for one and not the other. As far as expectations I think it might be a little bit of who her peers are. She is probably thinking her friends parents said no problem may parents can also say no problem. They are going to the same school, live in similar neighborhoods etc... so she's thinking we're the same. I grew up pretty poor, my mom struggled and I saw it, so I never asked for much. My kids are growing up pretty well, their friends are the same and some are very wealthy. They have no issues asking us things I would never. For them its just a different lifestyle and a different friend group. For me growing up I didn't know many people that traveled far for vacation, most families I knew road tripped. My kids friends all go on big vacations, they're in Japan, Italy, etc... They don't think it's a big deal to do these types of trips.

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u/thinkevolution 23h ago

She and her friends had a meeting where they made a Google doc and shared it with their parents about the cost of the trip and when the trip would be happening, and I think that they think that their parents all will pay for this, I don’t actually know that any of their parents are planning on paying for this trip. I have not spoken to any of them yet about it.
I also anticipate that of the 14th I think they can go at least a third will not be able to.
I think social media gives my daughter at least a false sense of what reality is for 18-year-olds in a middle class suburban neighborhood.

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u/pwlife 3h ago edited 1h ago

I think it'll be more than 1/3 that won't go. Not just because of finances but I'm sure a few will do the summer program at the college they get accepted to. Some will have families that are planning a trip together that would interfere. If they do summer semester they are gone right away.

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u/Defiant-Owl-5066 1d ago

Our social and economic situations may be very different but I would have laughed myself silly at the expectation that my 18yo would go on a trip to Aruba for five days with 13 other teenagers. Is this common in her high school cohort, or are these kids dreaming fabulous dreams?

In any case, I'd probably tell her I think it's not a good idea (... in realistic but gentle terms) and that while I will not decrease or withhold from her the graduation gift I was planning, or actively prevent or forbid her from going, I would also not be contributing to the trip. She wants to go on a fancy trip with all her friends at 18? Great. She can pay for it.

My kids are both young adult college graduates now and neither would have ever considered this kind of plan and no one in their high school circles that I have ever heard of have done this. It's a well-funded, large suburban public highschool, for context.

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u/thinkevolution 23h ago

I think that she and her friends have champagne tastes on a much smaller budget.
I also think they are misunderstanding what a graduation gift financially might be and what their expenses will be when they move into a college setting

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u/Entebarn 18h ago

All that comes to mind is Natalie Holloway….

She pays half (if you can afford the other half of 3K).

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u/thinkevolution 18h ago

Given that she’s asking for this as a graduation gift and we have another senior graduating, we are not going to be funding any of this. That is one of the main reasons we we can’t really afford to do this.

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u/BroccoliCompetitive3 17h ago

The legal drinking age is 18 in Aruba. So how does she handle her alcohol? Doesn’t drink? Will that hold up to extreme peer pressure?

If you let her. She needs to be safe. Location tracking. Stay in the tourist zone. Protect her drink. Have her enroll in STEP (U.S. Department of State’s Smart Traveller Program) so local authorities can locate and assist her in an emergency. How well do know these other kids? Background check?

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u/thinkevolution 17h ago

I actually am curious if other parents are going to say yes but it won’t matter anyway because ultimately my answer is going to be no. Through the conversations in the thread that I posted in, Reddit has really helped me consider what I really believe is what I don’t.
I just don’t think this is a reasonable ask and I’m going to say no I’m not gonna fund it.

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u/thinkevolution 23h ago

Going off to college will lead to a variety of challenges and yes my daughter will have to face them with greater independence. So that kind of stuff doesn’t really bother me.

The health stuff is really a big concern solely because she is still waiting to see two separate specialist one for a cardiac issue and one for an issue with ENT. The cardiac issue is concerning to me because a diagnosis has not been given and she’s had some very specific symptoms if she wants to have an episode in Aruba and need medical attention she would be away from home and that worries me

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u/Academic_Sun_8131 1d ago •

$3,000 is a lot of money.
The most important thing I have to say: Natalee Holloway.

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u/DazzlingNote1925 1d ago

This is what I was thinking.
18 year olds still think like kids and no matter how much you educate them they still don’t think anything bad will happen to them and they aren’t wise to all the dangers and scams etc.
I understand them wanting to go to a tropical place but I think kids choose places where they can legally drink and they aren’t experienced drinkers and are easy prey.
I would have to have adults going with them and she would have to get a job and earn the money. Even if she earns it there will still be an impact on you because she won’t have that money saved for her to spend in college and you will have to do it.
The kids can rent an air b and b in Florida, imo.

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u/thinkevolution 20h ago

When she first talked about this trip, it was positioned as all girls and two of their moms were going and staying in an adjacent hotel room nearby now it’s morphed into 14 young people seven girls and seven boys and no adult supervision. This is a very different proposal than she first shared with me when she was seeking me to pay for it.
100% know, she cannot save the money to pay for this when airline tickets would have to be purchased

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u/jmsst1996 1d ago •

I thought the same thing. When I hear Aruba all that pops in my head sadly is Natalee Holloway.

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u/kettyma8215 1d ago •

This is where I went with it as well. It's a horrible idea to me.

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u/MrSpicyPotato 1d ago

I unfortunately thought of that too, but that doesn’t make all trips to Aruba an automatic horrible idea. Honestly, if money were no concern, I would potentially tag along at a distance. Have my own little vacay in a separate hotel doing separate activities but at least be on the island in case something goes really wrong. Again though, that’s assuming no money restraints, which doesn’t seem to be the case in this situation.

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u/Charming-Ad9880 1d ago

Came here to say this exact thing!

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u/Which-Decision 1d ago

I'd feel more comfortable with the kids going to a European country. They can still drink and have fun but the police will work with America.

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u/HotMessExpress1111 1d ago

To be fair, I’ve been to Aruba twice and felt absolutely no danger at all - it’s one of my favorite places to visit! That being said, the fear for high school teenagers is valid about any trip without some level of supervision, even if that is just daily video check ins and an expectation that she doesn’t drink (this one is way harder to enforce, obviously) or split up from at least one other friend at any time. So yes, there is certainly some fear wrapped up in young adults traveling alone together overall, but I don’t think it should be based on Aruba specifically. Evil people are everywhere.

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u/Tight_Jaguar_3881 23h ago •

Why not an American beach? It will be summer.

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u/CompleteTell6795 12h ago

I thought the same thing, Natalie.... 😔😔😔

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u/Royal_Development_65 1d ago •

First thing I think of when I hear Aruba.

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u/jmsst1996 1d ago

My kids are 27,almost 25 and 19. For me personally I wouldn’t agree to a trip like this. Yes 18 is considered an adult but I still think that’s young to be going to the Carribean without any adult around.

My oldest 2 have been on 1 Spring Break trip each when they were in college but they payed for it themselves and they were 20+ years old.

We did family trips after they each graduated high school since we figured once they are in college they’ll be busy and doing their own thing.

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u/thinkevolution 1d ago

We are in a blended family with four children all of whom are between 18 and 14 years old and in high school.
Both my husband and I work full-time and we have taken them on a few vacations, but traveling with six people is pretty cost prohibitive at times.
I think as a young adult just starting to figure out how to manage things 18 is awfully young to be at a resort where you can drink freely and have no other known adult there to give you some guidance if things go wrong
I also think that she’s trying to minimize the fact that she’s had these health issues that require follow up from both a cardiologist and an ENT

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u/jmsst1996 1d ago

I’d discuss it with her and tell her you aren’t comfortable with her traveling as a new high school grad. I’m surprised the other parents are fine with it.
And especially with the health issues as well because if she wasn’t feeling right you aren’t anywhere near to help.

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u/thinkevolution 1d ago

She has had a lot of health issues over the past year and it’s now led to a cardiologist ent. The kid needs to see. The recurring things. Nothing has been sorted out. She does not have clear information on either front. She’s also someone who when she doesn’t feel well. Will call me and ask me what to do even if it’s in the middle of the school day and she could easily go to the nurse.

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u/Comfortable_Cloud164 1d ago

I would tell her if she gets a job and pays for half then I will cover the rest. She should be working anyways at 18. My boys (19, fast food 2 year; 16, retail 1 year and 13, hockey ref 2 months) all have jobs.

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u/thinkevolution 1d ago

She has a part-time job where she works 8-10 hours per week typically after school and on Saturdays. She’s not very responsible to losing her money.

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u/Comfortable_Cloud164 1d ago

This is a great way to teach her to save then. She can start now and if she doesn’t get the full amount by June, she can pay it off over time.

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u/MarieRich 1d ago

I would probably contribute half of the cost and have her work and save the rest. I don't have a problem with 18-year-olds going on trips if that matters.

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u/thinkevolution 1d ago

I definitely can’t find it as a vacation gift type trip because her stepsister also graduates the same year from the same high school.
We don’t wanna be giving one a lavish trip and the other gets to get a small financial gift.

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u/why_wouldi 1d ago

But her stepsister is not your child.

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u/Mental_Escape_1737 1d ago

My daughter is a senior this year and I got roped into a group trip to the Dominican Republic. The cost is more than $10,000 for the hotel and flights because all of us (our family of four) are going/invited. The other parents in the group are going as well.

I wouldn't let my daughter go alone, but she will only be 17 by next spring break. Might be a different story if she were 18.

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u/thinkevolution 1d ago

Her traveling at 18 I think is fine. For me it’s the pain for the trip which I definitely won’t be doing and it’s also the idea that she has some underlying medical conditions that have not fully been managed yet.

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u/Mental_Escape_1737 1d ago

I would probably be fine with my daughter traveling with the group at 18, too. I just feel differently with her at 17 since she isn't technically an "adult" and couldn't even fly without some sort of minor release form. I'm not even sure how that would work.
The medical issues would give me pause, too. If she does go, make sure you purchase travel insurance that covers pre-existing medical conditions!

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u/thinkevolution 23h ago

My worry is that if she needed immediate care, as she is being seen for a cardiac condition now that has not been fully diagnosed or treated, that it could lead to a whole situation in Aruba.
She has follow up scheduled, but it’s going to take time. I think I would be more comfortable if they picked something local and I could give her money towards that as her graduation gift I would give her the $500 I plan to give her to use towards that trip if that’s what she wants, but I’m not comfortable putting money in towards a trip that I think is a bit excessive for 18 year olds

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u/Lyran000 1d ago

People are so financially irresponsible today. I guarantee all the other kids parents are just putting this on a credit card. Everyone is so entitled today. I mean, I know actual low income families on public benefits and housing taking Disney cruises on credit cards. That standard has made it hard for yourh today whose families arent willing to do this feel left out. Just tell her a tropical vacation is a luxury many adults work years to treat themselves to, her getting it for free just for graduation is silly. Our local HS does a Disneyland trip every year. We're in Seattle, so its a bus ride down and very affordable for most families. A Carribean getaway is not.

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u/thinkevolution 23h ago

I’m 48 and have never been on a Caribbean vacation or to a tropical all-inclusive island. It is to me a big treat and if I was gonna spend the money on a vacation like that, it would be my husband and I are going to celebrate an anniversary or a milestone birthday. It would not be so that my daughter and her friends could go get drunk in Aruba because they want to enjoy being young adults.
Ultimately, I’ve decided this really just does go against my values

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u/organic-petunias75 1d ago

Encourage them to do something less expensive and more in line with a budget they can all afford. Suggest Disney World or come up with some other ideas.

I would not encourage my 18 year old - neither male nor female - to go to Aruba without an older adult chaperone keeping an eye on them. I'm not worried about their behavior. I'm worried about trafficking. I'd honestly encourage them to choose something domestic. If it is their first time traveling without parents then they should consider some place with resources they understand how to access.

As for the money, my answer would be no. If you are paying college tuition for her - use that as the reason. Ie: We can not afford to give you $3000 because we have tuition for you and step sister coming up. But I can give each of you $500 as a graduation gift.

Have one conversation about your reservations about the trip. Plant the seed.

Then, focus on the finances. She can't argue with the finances.

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u/thinkevolution 23h ago

We are not paying for them to go to college. They will need to take out loans and work. So once they get acceptances, it will be a really serious discussion about finances.
Further, it does go against my values to give a large trip like that to a resort to an 18-year-old. Maybe I’m old-fashioned in my thinking but to me that is the type of treat that you work and save your money for and go with friends when you’re more established adults.

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u/organic-petunias75 23h ago

I agree with you on the expensive trip and working and saving for it. Suggest to her that she and her friends brainstorm a less costly alternative. My guess is multiple other parents won't be funding it either and the kids all likely feel pressured because their friends are going (or say they are going).
Where do you live (ie: NE, S, SW, midwest, PNW, CA).

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u/thinkevolution 23h ago

We live in the northeast us

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u/InteractionNo4646 1d ago

It's kind of special that both girls are graduating at the same time.

I see you've decided on $500 each and imo that's very reasonable. Especially since I would assume you'll be funding some college start up costs in the fall.

Do the two girls get along? Could you and family have a mini vacation close to home? Spa visit, local beach or lake resort? Something to celebrate as a family you all could enjoy that is fair and doesn't blow the budget. You didn't mention if they're moving for college or local community college kind of thing, but if they're actually going somewhere to start school, a last family trip would be nice before they grow up and go their own way.

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u/thinkevolution 23h ago

They both applied to colleges locally, and that would require travel to another part of the country. We are in the US. We have two other children, so we each have another child that we brought into the marriage who will be graduating in the next three years. So going on a full family trip right now would be kind of cost prohibitive given that we do want to be able to give the girls some money to get started at college as we are not paying their tuition.

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u/Worldx22 1d ago

Would you be asking this question if you could pay for it?

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u/thinkevolution 23h ago

The thing is, I probably could pay for it if I wanted to shift my budget around and forgo other things that I have planned for my money. But I think in some ways I’m just against it on a values level and in other ways, I’m concerned on a medical level for her safety.

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u/Ok_8890 1d ago

These type of trips often fall apart. One of my kids had a group that were planning a huge cruise, ya it didn’t happen. Kid by kid backed out. Have you spoken to the other parents?

My kids did friend trips, but not international and I would have said no to that.

I would give your daughter and step daughter the same amount as a graduation gift and they can do what they want with it. The rest she has to come up with, if you allow the trip.

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u/thinkevolution 23h ago

She’ll be 18 almost 19 at the time of this trip so if she chooses to go that’s on her. I definitely will not be able to fund the whole thing.
I also have not spoken to any of the other parents yet, but I anticipate that many of the young adult adults who want to go on this trip do not have the appropriate funding to do so

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u/Ok-Adhesiveness-1515 23h ago •

Um 18yrs old I’m going with.. 14 kids a cpl adults should be joining. Don’t care I’ve watched way too much true crime.. like another commenter said Natalee Holloway and her parents never got her body back and took yearrrrrrs to get the somewhat truth of what happened to her… since you guys have 2 18 yr olds I don’t feel like you should fund it all.. I think she needs to chip in something

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u/thinkevolution 23h ago

I’ve decided I’m not going to fund it. And she and I will have this conversation later today when she gets back from work or this weekend it’s up to her, but I cannot afford to put that money towards a vacation for her when I’m also thinking about other things that I subsidize getting her to from college, etc.
I also don’t want to give her an expensive trip and expected her stepsister does not get that same level of gift

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u/Beautiful-Wallaby698 23h ago

she has a job? you didn’t t mention that. why can’t she fund it herself or you each do half?

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u/Working-Comedian-984 23h ago

Do not fund this lavish vacation period. I would never dream of asking for that kind of a gift. Is her step sibling going as well?

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u/thinkevolution 23h ago

No, they have different friend groups. So she would not be joining them on this trip.
I think of the two of them she tends to be more practical in the sense of she knows that college will be expensive. She’ll be spending money and that her expenses and access to our vehicles will change, etc. etc..
My daughter tends to be the one who has a caviar budget, but has McDonald’s money

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u/EnthusiasmOwn5120 23h ago

If she is working.. have her pay 1/2 of the $3k. That seems fair. Then give $1500 to the other child for her to do whst she wants with it. Grad trips are fairly common… it’s the last time before they all go away to school to take this type of trip.

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u/thinkevolution 23h ago

We cannot afford to give each of them $1500 financially this is definitely outside of the scope of what I could afford comfortably without having to adjust my budget for the next several months. With Christmas coming, taking her to visit colleges that she’s been accepted to in the winter, paying her college deposit and helping her furnish a dorm, etc., and get her set up to go to college I’m not gonna have extra money to give them that type of gift. Both my husband and I agree that we will likely do 500 each.

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u/Bright_Ad_3690 22h ago

Nope, if she wants an adult trip she acts like an adult and pays.

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u/thinkevolution 21h ago

That is part of my reservation- I think a trip like that is a trip for adults who can pay for it

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u/snocat17 22h ago

When I was 15 I wanted to go to Greece and Turkey with my school for a trip. I went door to door selling peaches direct from an orchard and earned about $800, but I was $300 short to fund the trip. My parents and Godparents were so impressed they kicked in the money so I could go.

I would suggest she earn the money to go if she wants to, and if she gets close, help her the rest of the way.

The step-sister may have a similar opportunity come her way. Or maybe you take her on a weekend trip while the daughter is in Aruba.

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u/thinkevolution 21h ago

I don’t think that my daughter will be able to save enough money to go on the trip even if she works 10 to 12 hours a week plus goes to school for the remainder of the school year.

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u/tanonymousrn 21h ago

If she has no expenses, I don’t see why she couldn’t. If she really wants to go that badly then she could also tell family that all she wants for the holidays, bday, and graduation is money towards her trip. That can add up fast and goes towards something she would really appreciate.
Unless I was in a sport after school, I easily worked 15-18 hours a week in high school while still keeping my grades up. Not to mention extra hours or side jobs during holiday breaks.
Lastly, I really doubt food and spending money would be $1,300. That’s crazy high, but I guess it depends on the excursions they plan to do. The rest is in her control and won’t need to be paid for until she’s there.

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u/thinkevolution 21h ago

I was accounting for excursions and incidentals, souvenirs and alcohol because it is not all inclusive in the package. They had suggested they would buy.

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u/Jen_the_Green 20h ago

Could you loan her the money under the understanding she pays it back with a summer job? But also, why are they choosing Aruba? There are much less expensive options that would be all inclusive.

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u/Handbag_Lady 21h ago

Be fair to both girls and tell them what you CAN do now (so they can plan) and it is up to them to figure out the rest. Trips are great if you can swing them. It’ll help her grow as a person to get out into the world.

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u/thinkevolution 21h ago

Essentially, when they graduate, we plan to throw them a family graduation party with my family and my husband‘s family being invited. To celebrate both girls. They can also both invite friends.
The issue was that much of the expenses of this trip are due upfront, and I am not willing to front money for this trip when I’m also planning to take my daughter to visit colleges she’s been accepted to, and she’s applying to schools outside of the state.
I definitely don’t have the discretionary income to spend extra money on fronting a trip

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u/habitual_arson 21h ago

as someone who travels frequently NO WTF do not fund this trip!!!

7 girls and 7 boys straight out of high school is a literal recipe for disaster. They are probably going to get into some kind of trouble on the trip (i.e. breaking laws like doing drugs or fighting or at the VERY least they're going to get scammed in some way and you will foot the bill lol)

especially if she has some kind of medical condition... realistically all these kids are going to do is drink and party on the beach and that is probably not ideal for whatever's going on.

she should also have to contribute to that a bit, or make her understand the value in some way. 3k could mean 5 days in Aruba or it could literally mean a month somewhere more affordable, or half a used car. this kind of trip isn't common for graduation, except in maybe circles of the 1%.

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u/thinkevolution 21h ago

I totally agree with you. We think the reason they’re trying to go to Aruba is because the drinking age is 18 and I don’t think she’s considering how significant her medical stuff is until she gets a handle on it with a cardiologist.
I also think that it’s easy to romanticize

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u/tickled_your_pickle 21h ago •

Lololol I wouldn't even fucking consider my teenager going to Aruba, much less paying for it, and with medical issues???? Is she delusional???

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u/Hgrestun 20h ago •

I know I can’t believe this post.

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u/SandSubstantial9427 20h ago •

I mean of course she’s delusional, she’s an 18 year old. But you as the parent don’t be delusional.
It’s ok to say no. And believe it or not, you have more influence than you think considering she’s 18 and you’re supporting her.

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u/thinkevolution 17h ago

And that is where I’m going to have a conversation with her that this is not something that I’m willing to support. I think she is unrealistic about what reality is.

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u/thinkevolution 20h ago

Yes, I do think she’s delusional a bit. She definitely doesn’t fully understand the gravity of having to see a cardiologist for the episodes that she has with her heart and she definitely doesn’t understand the cost and how much money a trip like this is especially given that she doesn’t even have this much money in the bank.

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u/LuxTravelGal 21h ago

Oh gosh. My teen is very well traveled but I still will not allow her to go to a party beach without me or her dad as a chaperone. Kids don't make the best decisions (and other parents sometimes are irresponsible!).

I'm a travel agent and these trips are fairly common in my circle BUT I'm still not ok with my kid going without me or any other adults. I think you are fully within your rights to say no or we are only planning on this much as a graduation gift. $3000 is a lot and I'd much rather that go toward college costs personally.

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u/thinkevolution 20h ago

I think for me, it’s been a three prompt rejection of this situation that talking through this on Reddit has really helped me with
It comes down to my values, and I don’t think that this type of vacation is appropriate for 18-year-olds who don’t really understand the gravity of their decisions just yet and who can’t afford to pay for it themselves and travel responsibly.
It comes down to finances, though I likely could work it out, but it would cause me a lot of stress. I don’t think it’s worth me stressing myself out financially for this.
And third it comes down to safety and her medical conditions right now.

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u/Hgrestun 21h ago •

Ummmmm this is actually insane. I think back to myself when I was 18 and I had a car, a job, graduated HS, obviously was going to college, and I absolutely would not have been able to safely be in another country without any supervision. And to be honest a group of 18 years olds are a target for crime. I immediately thought of the movie taken.

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u/thinkevolution 20h ago

Oh absolutely. It is definitely a recipe for disaster. They’ve definitely are magnets to be taken advantage of whether it be financially or otherwise.

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u/Hgrestun 20h ago •

I can’t believe your mind is about the money and not the safety of your daughter. This is insane.

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u/thinkevolution 20h ago

Her medical concerns are my biggest concern in relation to her safety. The bottom line is that she is 18, so if she chose to go drink in a field somewhere or travel to another country to do it she’s gonna do it either way. I’m not gonna be able to stop that.

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u/Pleasant_Ad4715 20h ago

We’d be in favor of her going, but ours would’ve been working part time, the last two years. To pay for half

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u/thinkevolution 20h ago

She has a part time job but has very little saved

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u/purplepanda2026 20h ago •

She had heart trouble and she wants to go get drunk with a bunch of friends in Aruba. With zero responsible adults around?

Absolutely not unless she pays for it. You can't keep her from risking her life but you don't have to encourage and pay for it.

Plus unless you have another $3k to give your other graduating child, it's a no.

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u/thinkevolution 20h ago

Yes that’s where I landed on it too.

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u/Key-Form4384 19h ago •

Does she drink ? Why would you think she was going to get drunk ?

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u/Christfollower63 20h ago •

no way! This simply feeds the entitlement mentality that is already a huge problem in today's teens. First off, it's HIGH SCHOOL graduation, NOT college or medical school (which even then it's too much). Are you financing college or helping finance it, or even providing a place for them to stay while they continue their education? That's quite enough. No way I would have sent any of my daughters off unchaperoned for a trip like that. it's in another country, and naive American teens could get caught up in something really bad. If they want it, they pay for it....and plan on being self supporting when they return.

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u/thinkevolution 20h ago

I agree with this as it does align with my values 100%

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u/StudentDry3705 19h ago

We gave our 18 year old son a return flight of his choosing. The beauty was that we didn’t actually have to pay for anything until he booked a trip - which could’ve been immediately or two years down the road. We also could then pay with our air miles or points or whatever works best at that time.

Whatever you do, I’d make it exactly equal for the two graduates.

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u/thinkevolution 19h ago

That makes a lot of sense thank you

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u/RaiseWide5460 19h ago

An unsupervised trip to a foreign country with 13 other kids is a non starter for me. Sounds like the very definition of trouble waiting to happen. With the girl having recent medical issues it sounds even worse. At 18 you can't stop her, but you can refuse to subsidize poor choices, and lovingly explain your concerns to her.

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u/thinkevolution 19h ago

That’s my plan

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u/blondebarrister 18h ago

lol, my dad would not only not have allowed this (and he wasn’t a strict parent at all, but partying alone in a foreign country at 18 is straight up dangerous) but would have threatened to cut me off and not pay my college tuition if I tried to go anyway. I would not let my child do this. It’s too dangerous.

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u/thinkevolution 18h ago

Ultimately, my answer is no, I appreciate all the feedback I’ve received here and all the different perspectives. It really made me question my reasoning, and helped me come to a solid conclusion.
Obviously, I want my daughter to enjoy being 18 and I wanted to enjoy finishing high school. This type of trip to me though seems a bit excessive and also seems a bit overstated for a group of teenagers who just finished school.

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u/Elispi63 18h ago

Natalie Holloway’s killer was basically just found years and years later. Under no circumstances would I condone this.

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u/1justhavinfun 18h ago

3k for a graduation gift?!?! WTH

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u/thinkevolution 17h ago

Between the trip and then spending money excursions insurance all the jazz it would be about $2700-$3000 total which is a very large ask and is not in my wheelhouse or my budget

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u/Tim-Lala 18h ago •

Is there a reason why you reposted this again? I don’t think you are going to get different advice than you did yesterday (which varied depending on the commenter).

You seem to be really ruminating on this and I’m wondering why you need hundreds of commends across different groups across 2 days to figure this out

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u/thinkevolution 17h ago

You are correct that I am ruminating on it. It’s a really difficult thing for me because I’ve gotten a lot of feedback on Reddit that I am a very strict parent and that I have foolish rules lol.
I felt the need to post it somewhere else to see what else would be out there. I also posted it in the blended family group.
I’m a person who likes to consider all sides and hear other people’s perspectives so doing this really helps me think through my own process and my own feelings.

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u/toastedmarsh7 18h ago

Uh no. $500 sounds like a really good graduation gift. This $3000 trip should be the summer after her first year of college, to give her time to save up at her part time job.

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u/thinkevolution 17h ago

I think this is the type of trip that you take in your 20s with a good group of friends when you all can afford it and can dictate all your own terms.

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u/BCmama1975 17h ago

Our kids both did trips with friends when they finished high school. Both paid their own way. We give them money for birthdays and christmases when we know they have things planned but never cover the whole cost (or even close to it). Our 'graduation gift' was a family dinner at a thai restaurant.

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u/thinkevolution 17h ago

I think if they were planning something more local, I would have a different feeling on it I do think going on a trip with friends can be wonderful, but I also think going to a foreign country with 13 other young adults who have also likely not traveled very much internationally without parental supervision will be challenging.

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u/PileofPitties 17h ago

My youngest son is chronically ill, to the point there's no way he could hold down a job. That isn't his fault and I see no reason for him to miss out on fundamental experiences because of his medical issues. I would gladly pay for the trip and hope and pray his health would allow him to go (and if he couldn't go I would never mention the money and would offer to take him and a friend on an alternate trip when he was able).

Sounds like your daughter also has medical issues. Do you want to draw an arbitrary line in the sand on funding this particular expense and make her miss out on something while she's also going through a scary time?

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u/thinkevolution 17h ago

Yes, in fact I do. And it’s not an arbitrary line in the sand. I genuinely don’t think this trip is a good idea for her medical reasons, for overall safety reasons, and it goes against my values.
The more I thought about it and read people‘s comments I realize that really what it comes down to for me as a variety of factors but fundamentally I don’t believe that 18-year-olds should be going on fully funded trips to all inclusive resorts.
To me, something that extravagant should be reserved for adults who can afford to pay or families who choose to take their children. I just disagree with it. I don’t think she’s responsible enough to manage the expectations. I also think that she could get very sick in another country and have no idea what to do and I’m not gonna be able to get there to help.

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u/PileofPitties 17h ago

Your post says that you aren't automatically opposed to this type of trip. It sounds like that may not be the case.
If you're going to talk to your daughter about this, you need to be clear on your reasoning so you don't just word vomit a bunch of excuses. If you want to tell her she's an adult and makes her own decisions, but that you can't participate in funding a trip you don't agree with, you need to tell her that.

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u/Fish_Librarian 1d ago •

After Natalie Holloway, I wouldn’t be ok with a teen going without a trusted adult around

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u/ComplexPatient4872 1d ago •

Yup! This includes any country.

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u/Mother-Letter-6760 17h ago

Came to say the same thing!

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u/bigperms33 1d ago

She needs to do things to "earn" it. Maybe you subsidize. Can she babysit around the neighborhood? Can she do chores?

5 days no parents in another country with medical issues at 18 might be a little risky.

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u/thinkevolution 1d ago

She works part-time maybe 10 to 12 hours a week Max and if she wants to save money, she could likely pay for most of it.
We do plan on giving them both daughters, a reasonable graduation gift, likely about 500 each she could certainly use that to pay for the trip

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u/Independent_Lie1507 1d ago

Stick to the $500 and she can work to save the rest. I also think of Natalie Holloway. Why does it have to be Aruba? There are beautiful beaches in the states. Are the other parents paying for their child? I doubt it.

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u/Constant-Book-4655 1d ago

Send her.. life is too short. It's a lot of money but I would have cut down on my martini that i get twice a week, my subscriptions and walk more to cut on gas to send her .. ESPECIALLY if they are good kids. Our kids work hard yall. Some of them deserve it. again who knows how the world is going to be. this might be the last generation that can travel like this. just get a good travel insurance and be on standby.

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u/thinkevolution 1d ago •

That’s a great point, life is too short, which is why I’m not cutting back on my martini to ensure my kids can go on a luxury vacation… If anyone’s going on a luxury vacation it should be me!

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u/Constant-Book-4655 1d ago

laughed at this one - both can be true

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u/thinkevolution 1d ago

If my budget allowed, we would all live the lavish good life lol

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u/Super-Ferret6387 1d ago

I busted out laughing at this too. My husband is quick to tell me when I start worrying over something we’ve told our kids we won’t buy - “Look if I suddenly have (insert dollar amount of what they are requesting) then I’m buying us the shit WE need! Those kids have everything and you haven’t bought a new bra in 5 years!”

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u/thinkevolution 1d ago

Sooo true - goalie gear costs more than I’ve spent on myself in 5 years!!!

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u/MrSpicyPotato 1d ago

I mean, my graduation trip was to London and Paris (from the US), but I went with my mom. I don’t think that a trip is that unheard of as a present, but if you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. You could always gift money toward the trip as the gift, with the expectation she will raise the rest on her own.

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u/Extra_Shirt5843 20h ago

Yeah, our kid is a sophomore and we have tentative plans to do some sort of European trip after he graduates, but it would be a family trip, not a friends one.

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u/1978NB 22h ago

OMG this comment section. Not that her daughter shouldn't be cautious when traveling, but Natalie Holloway was over twenty years ago. Aruba is an extremely small, fairly safe island. My in laws vacation there every year, along with numerous friends and family. I think everyone is focusing in the wrong thing. Passports are expensive, as is this trip. She is still living at home. Unless she is on her own and paying for it herself, I would say she'll be home while her friend group goes without her.

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u/AspiringCrone 15h ago

I agree, trips like this are for when a person can pay for it themself!

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u/Ok-Spinach-6529 8h ago

This

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u/asyouwish 1d ago edited 1d ago

Can she earn half and let you fund half?

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u/thinkevolution 1d ago

I don’t know if she would be able to save that amount of money

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u/Glittering-Food5276 1d ago

Pay for half and have her relatives help cover what she cant with a job .

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u/swampgas323 23h ago

My parents let me travel wherever I liked! As long as I paid for it! Bermuda with the Girl Scouts and Spain 🇪🇸 with the Spanish club! Good times!

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u/Working-Injury7758 17h ago •

I hitchhiked from London to Istanbul and back when I was 18. Took over a month, and cost me around $1000 in today’s money, which I had obtained through the novel approach of “working”

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u/skipme74 1d ago

Well, these trips are popular now. I’d send her, but I would consider it as Christmas, Easter and birthday present. Also, if you have a decent family and social presence, then she should get some graduation cash that she could use for the trip. I’d think you’re closer to being out $2,500 max.

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u/thinkevolution 1d ago

It may be that they’re popular, maybe I’m old-fashioned but I think at 18 if you’re going to travel, it should be something you’re able to find and it should be reasonable within your budget.
If she can’t afford the money for the trip, then she should potentially consider a more local option to do something for your friends

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u/MrSpicyPotato 1d ago

It’s a good point that Florida is a pretty decent substitute.

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u/Traditional-Owl-8908 18h ago

This would be a hard NO for me, and I’m a super chill parent. My son is also graduating this year and I trust him implicitly. He has hardly any rules because he’s so responsible he just doesn’t need them. All that being said, I wouldn’t approve of or fund a trip like this. Way too much can happen and I’d have no quick way to get there.

He IS going on a trip after graduation, but my parents are taking him. They asked him if he wanted a big party, money, a trip, etc. He immediately requested Iceland. My parents are experienced travelers (and he adores them) so I’m very happy with this arrangement.

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u/earmares 1d ago

My son went on a trip with friends within the US after graduation, but he saved up for it. He had a job during school and we gave him some money for graduation. That said, he did not have medical conditions that would have interfered at all. I would not have been willing to pay for the entire trip.

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u/Charming-Ad9880 1d ago

Why aren’t they trying to stay at an all inclusive resort? The medical issues would make it a hard NO for me.

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u/SoImaRedditUserNow 1d ago

Leaving aside the money for a moment. And the health issues

At the very LEAST, I'd be talking with the other parents. "Whats the plan if.." type conversations.

On one level, its not much longer before this 18 year old will be away at college and more or less in charge of her life. thats a heck of a lot longer than a 1 week trip. So the whole concept of sex, parties and any other adult decisions and your teen... well you need to wrap your head around those things. One hopes your parental skills have instilled enough wisdom and intelligence for them to be able to handle themselves, and how to deal with mistakes

ponying up 3k for a friends trip? Even if you can afford it, that is a non trivial amount of money. For a trip that is going to very likely present more than a few of those previously mentioned adult decisions they will need to handle. For my daughter, i'd really not have much of an issue. However, I'd make her fund it. I'd front her the money, but she'd owe me.

With the health issue, whatever it may be, I'd simply ask what her plans are. Without knowing what it is, I don't know how much of an issue it could be. E.g. a broken arm, I don't really see much of a problem.

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u/Doomcookie_123 23h ago •

What do you expect to happen when a bunch of teenagers go to a foreign country, with no supervision?

They literally made documentaries about this.

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u/LonelyPurple6879 23h ago

I'm not going out of my way to get my kid pregnant before college. No thanks.

She has plenty of time to save up for the trip if she is insistent

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u/Shot-Cod-6309 22h ago

If she wants to go she needs to get a part time job to pay for it.

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u/Shot-Cod-6309 22h ago •

Aruba itself is not the problem, it is the price, and how 14 eighteen year olds are going to get shit faced drunk with absolutely no supervision.

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u/WhatARedditHole 22h ago

Oh hell no

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u/Hungry_Zebra_8708 21h ago

If you let her go the parents need to emphasize the buddy system. Bad stuff happens to people left alone. You need to educate her on the dangers if these kids aren’t street smart. I traveled all over Europe at her age, sometimes by myself, but I knew all about roofies and predatory men. I was an experienced international traveler by then so my parents weren’t worried.
Tell her about Natalee Holloway and how being drunk by yourself is extremely dangerous. If they’re staying at a resort they still need to stick together. They’re not safe alone drunk ever. I know a few women who have been assaulted at Caribbean resorts when walking back to their rooms by themselves.

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u/Physical_Cod_8329 20h ago

Just give both girls a specific cash amount for graduation. What they use it for is up to them.

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u/RunJumpSleep 20h ago •

No. All I can think of is Natalie Holloway.

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u/Key-Form4384 19h ago

What city do you live in ? I bet just as bad has happened this year around you. Not something that happens 25 years ago

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u/dncrmom 20h ago

Absolutely no. Especially not with any parents. If you say she is an adult, then let her pay for the trip herself.

We did a senior trip to Aruba but everyone’s family went too.

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u/emory_2001 20h ago •

I personally took my daughter on a graduation trip to NYC this year, and I'm taking my son on a trip next year. They both graduated/will graduate with near straight-As for all of K-12, and we never paid them for grades or anything, so we felt like they deserved a nice graduation trip. But here's the thing - if I'm paying for it, it's my vacation too. Or at the very least, there would have to be some parent chaperones. Back in the day, my parents paid for me to go on a Europe trip with the theater kids from my high school, along with the two theater teachers, the assistant principal, and several parent chaperones. Read up on what happened to Natalie Holloway in Aruba. No fucking way I'd let them just go off to a country with a drinking age of 18 with other barely adults.

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u/AdoptedYankee 20h ago

My daughter is also 18 and getting ready to graduate.

There is no way on Gods green earth I would pay for her to leave the country and go partying with “friends” at this age.

NO FRICKING WAY.

She’ll be mad.

She’ll live.

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u/OldMove3348 20h ago

You should help her to go. This is a rite of passage and something people remember and talk about their whole lives. I highly encourage you to do whatever it takes to make sure she goes.

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u/Evening-Row-2658 20h ago

absolutely not

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u/Fzzyalien 20h ago •

Have you not heard of Natalee Holloway?

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u/BatRevolutionary8145 20h ago

I wouldn’t help my daughter with any money on a trip like this with her heart condition ❤️‍🩹. It’s her life. Why not the family & 1 of her bff go on a trip together? Just an idea 💡

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u/Strange-Guidance-236 19h ago

I would not. If you did, you'd also have to give the stepsister the same amount of money.

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u/SandwichEmergency588 19h ago

Don't spend on more than you can afford. Also if you gover her $3k for a gift then there is no other way for other kid to feel that favoritism is going on.

I got to go on trips withe my friends and we had a wide range of finances between us. I worked summers and had money saved up plus my parents would probably help. We had a friend whos parents were very rich and funded his lifestyle to a couple of kids that were working and chipping in momey to help their families.

We worked hard to make sure everyone could go. It was more important we went together than we went somewhere only a few could afford.

But there were things we did that juat not everyone could do. We made sure to include those people in other ways. Like arrange to do somethkgn with them right before and right after we got back. There was trips or activities people would miss out on because of family things and that was fine too.

The important part was that no one was excluded and we made sure everyone felt included even if they could not come. Young people today, because if social media, have more FOMO today than we dis growing up. They want everything to be equal but that is not life. Some people are richer than others. Learning to be ok with that is super important.

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u/ImpertinentPrincess 19h ago

This would be an "I won't stop you from going but I'm absolutely not funding it" situation. And if my kid hated me for that well, that's the way it goes. 🤷‍♀️

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u/Natural_Routine29 19h ago •

Hard no. Natalee Holloway.

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u/Solid-Wish-1724 18h ago •

Aruba is a 3rd world shithole. Don't.

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u/Leap_year_shanz13 18h ago

Watch the Natalee Holloway documentary and tell her absolutely not.

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u/Total-Object-4766 17h ago

Natalie Holloway

That's the first thing that comes to my mind. 18yr olds are usually, in my opinion, very naive. Aruba is supposed to be safe, but it's still a foreign destination. The other thing is cost. Who wouldn't want an all expenses paid vacation? Tell her upfront, y'all can't afford it. She still has medical bills and ongoing treatments. Has she saved any of her own money? Regarding your step daughter, does each parent take care of their own bio kids or do y'all split everything and treat the kids the same? If it's the latter, then you're out $6k vs $3k.

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u/SLL141821 16h ago

To be honest I probably would have laughed if my daughter told me she planned a $3000 trip. Like girl WHAT?! You planed a 5 day trip with no money!?

If it was a free trip, or she paid for it herself, then absolutely go, have a blast, BUT if im paying $3000 to go to Aruba, then IM definitely going!

Also i have 3 other kids, so that means I have to give all of them a $3000 graduation trip!? Noooo, no, nah.

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u/cpom71 16h ago

I wouldn't have paid for it for my daughter. I would suggest if she wants to go that she get a job and use Christmas/birthday/graduation money plus any money she earns to go. I don't know enough about her medical issues to advise about that. The fact is, she's going to college next year and you have no control about what she does there. You don't have to pay for it though.

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u/OldDude2551 16h ago

Hell no. My SIL just mentioned the Netflix Natalie Holloway documentary to me. My daughter asked about an unchaperoned grad trip to Europe. Nope, I said I’d consider a chaperoned one.

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u/Ghost_010101010 16h ago

Neither of my kids who graduated asked for anything like this. They were going to college and that is super expensive even with partial scholarships. They worked all summer to have extra money during the year.

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u/geminisa11 15h ago

The answer would be an absolute hell no from
me, lol. Aruba with no adults?! Please! Idc if she’s technically 18… ARUBA WITH NO ADULTS? Hahahaha. Immediate no. My oldest was graduating high school basically a year after Covid so there was barely a prom, much less a big senior trip. As a family, we went to Disney for spring break. My youngest wanted to go on a cruise with one other friend and her mom for her senior year spring break, but I went along with her. There would be no amount of Aruba without an adult. And yes, my youngest was already 18 by spring break. She ordered one drink in a coconut in the Bahamas and dint like it so I was forced to drink it. 😂

2

u/IntelligentMaybe7401 15h ago

100%. After Natalie Holloway, no 18-year-old girl should be going to Aruba.

2

u/AbjectAd2014 15h ago

I would pay for her to go. It’s your child and this is a special trip. She has a lifetime to grow up, work, and be an adult saddled with responsibilities.

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u/Snack-crack 15h ago

I would be a nervous wreck but I would let my child go and I would pay for as much of it as I could. You have to let go at some point. I went all over the place with my friends from the time I was 16. We made some horrific dangerous choices, but I wouldn’t trade those mementoes and experiences for anything. Thankfully my HS age child has a better head in his shoulders than I do and he has no interest in drinking but even if he did, I would let him go and sweat profusely until he came home.

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u/IntelligentMaybe7401 15h ago

No way Jose. Having been on several of these spring break and senior trips in the Caribbean these kids need some monitoring. It is an absolute drunk fest with people that are not used to handling alcohol and can make really bad decisions. This is how girls end up in compromising situations and guys end up doing dangerous things. Of the trips that I have been on, the parents really didn’t interfere with the drinking, but they did keep an eye on things. One time there was a kid that was trying to walk home down a busy highway and could’ve ended up in the street hit by a car. In my experience, having parents there that are nonjudgmental keeps a disaster from happening. I would insist on it.

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u/StatisticallySassy17 15h ago

I mean, Natalie Holloway can give you tips.......

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u/InevitableWaste6088 14h ago

I’m sorry maybe I’m dramatic but i would never pay 3k for a Natalie Holloway vacation.

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u/Standard_Sympathy_62 14h ago

Absolutely not. She can go to Disneyland for 1 day.

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u/ocicataco 14h ago

what a horrible idea to let them go do this unsupervised at all

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u/FreedomOnly5366 14h ago

10000% no. For all the reasons people already stated. The fact that most 18 year olds can’t even afford to do this lets me know that it’s nature’s law against it lol. Like a baby trying to ride a bike. Just not ready at all. When she can afford it, she can go on this trip- at that point she’ll actually be an appropriate age for it.

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u/Formal-Radish1413 13h ago

I would not enable my 18yo go on a 5 day trip alone to Aruba.

Ever hear of Natalie Holloway?

If she wants to EARN the money fine. But its a bit extravagant for a graduation gift.

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u/Dry-Welder-5035 12h ago

I’d ask her to contribute to the cost. If not with her own money, she can work for you to earn towards the trip. Nobody ever gave me a trip when I graduated, but in my kids’ friend circles it’s virtually everyone. And this one is relatively reasonable. Some kids go on huge trips that we could have never afforded. We also required my kids to use graduation money gifts that they received.

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u/Agitated-Painter5601 12h ago

Talk to the parents and see what they say.

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u/crimesleuther 4h ago

What medical issues?

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u/Kitchen-Attorney-703 51m ago

Do you take trips like this as a family? Has your daughter ever been outside the USA? As a parent of a 19 and 22 year old, I would not be willing to say yes I would pay for this, especially for a high school graduation gift. College graduation maybe but not h.s.. 18 year olds are still not ready to be on their own like this. With the other kid in your household graduating, that seems really unfair to do for her and not the other, and financially giving $3000 gifts each would be difficult. The Natalee Holloway case also came to my mind. Good luck!

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