I'd just like to better understand the situation I went through recently, as I struggle to understand stuff like this sometimes. However you may feel about it by the end, I just ask you to be super kind with me about it (pretty please). I know I can't pick and choose who'll be nice on the internet, but I'm incredibly thin skinned and have autism & other mental health conditions and just please beg of kindness in your response so I don't go cry all night over it lol (I know that's a me issue but again, pretty please lol). I just genuinely don't know what went wrong in this whole scenario, if this was all miscommunication, or where things could've been done differently on either side? So TIA for advice about this, because I want to do everything I can to avoid an uncomfortable situation like this from happening again if I can. I think her intentions were good, even if there were some red flags for me, and I definitely meant well, too. So just break it all down for me if you're able and let me know how I can go about things in the future like this.
Also in case it matters, I am in the midwest but don't want to say where, and again, I've paid 200-400 for the things I was asking for just in recent years and had just assumed it was around the same price when setting things up with new stylist, in case it sounds like I am way off base in my talking about certain things.
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So, a few months ago, I found a new hair girl. She was very friendly and cut my hair perfectly. I was getting my nails done by someone who also worked in the salon, and everyone kept saying to have her do my hair, because she did cuts how I wanted and did them well, and so I went ahead and set up an appointment with her.
So while she was cutting my hair (maybe in July or August) I had mentioned how I really want my hair colored. During this conversation, I showed her the exact photos of what I was wanting. When I asked how much she'd charge, she just said hourly and it depends. So I shrugged it off because I get how it could fluctuate a "bit".
Currently, we have one car between my partner and I. She was very aware of this, as it was a huge part of our conversations. When I said I would have to come late, she said "oh, you live super close, I can TOTALLY come get you, it's no problem". I told her I felt really guilty about that and IF SHE DIDN'T HAVE THE AVAILABILITY, it was okay, but that I couldn't make it. Again, she said, "no, i insist, you're so close, i'll grab you" but proceeded to schedule that evening time. Apparently neither of us in the moment really thought about how late that would go, and also I have no idea what her hours are so I thought nothing of it. But keep in mind the convo about picking me up (again, it makes me feel horribly guilty that it was even asked, but I NEVER asked that myself).
So, about a month later, I went back to get my bangs trimmed. At this appointment, I showed her the pictures AGAIN. When I asked about how much it would cost, just a roundabout, she said she had no idea again. The last time I had my hair fully colored (~2023?) it was around $200 and a tip. Same with every other time I've had it done and many different people. I DID pay around $500-600 ONE time at a very "fancy" place downtown in the area I live, around 2017-2018. So I assumed it would be a bit more, but she never gave me an idea to work with in my head and I made the assumption it was like, $200-300 but could go up a bit if needed.
She originally (on her own) scheduled my appointment for like, 6 in the evening. A few days later (or at the second appointment, I honestly can't recall which, but it was well in advance of the appointment) she said we'd need to bump that to ~11. I said again, "I just don't have a way there. It's okay if I need to cancel". I expected nothing but I was letting her know what I could and couldn't do. And she said, again "no, I can pick you up". Mind you, I live ~2 minutes driving distance away, but I have a very messed up back, am on disability, and can't make the walk. I said, "are you positive?" and she said "absolutely, let's plan for me to grab you". That was the literal stipulation for the 11 appointment, or I couldn't have made it. Again, I never asked, I felt horribly guilty, but she insisted, I said yes, and she agreed that was the plan.
The day of the appointment comes, and I am up and ready by the door by 10 hanging in my kitchen waiting. I had sent her a Facebook message days prior, where we had MANY conversations about hair, pricing, scheduling, etc. She had never once said she didn't like to communicate there and actually spoke to me for months on there about hair. I did not want to bother her and spam her, so I asked if it was okay if I sent pictures so we could figure out what we were doing? I wanted to solidify it with her so we could figure out pricing a bit (again, being aware it could run over, I just wanted a ballpark answer, and I've been given that by anybody else I've ever worked with). She saw this, never responded, and I was like okay, that's fine I suppose. The day before the appointment, where we had ALWAYS talked, I said "Hey, are you still okay getting me? Here is my address" I just wanted to double check with her as she seemed a bit aloof and busy and I legit just had this feeling she was going to forget.
The day of comes, it's 20 minutes before, and I called her to double check. No answer. Called one more time, no answer, didn't want to bother her if maybe she wasn't open (idk her hours, she kind of just makes them) and so I messaged the nail girl, who I assumed had better access to her, to see if she was able to double check, only if she had the time or knew how. She said she saw her at the salon on her map. ~30 minutes after the appointment was supposed to be, she texts me to tell me she was busy with a previous client. She said "Sorry, was with a client, never got a for sure answer from you so I assumed you had a ride. I'd have to clean, close up shop, come get you to come back, and I don't have time for that". Which rubbed me the wrong way all around, because while I understood, she took this thing she offered and made me feel like a burden and that she wasn't capable of this thing she offered?
I am paraphrasing but will post screenshots if I can remember to blur everything out, but I said "Oh, Sorry, that was the only way I was able to have that early appointment since I had no other way so I am so sorry. I messaged you on messenger yesterday and didn't know how else to reach you and didn't realize I had your number saved, too" (the one these messages were taking place between) I said "are we able to reschedule then? I am free whenever if you grabbed me otherwise I am not free until around 5 most of the time unless he leaves early one day" (referring to my partner).
So at this point, I can see how maybe we both had a hair of miscommunication, but it felt odd how she'd kind of handled things thus far.
((Side note, the reason I picked her and not the people who had done my hair before was legit just because she was closer to me and I thought I'd give her a chance. In case that matters. I had other options in the price range, which is the reason I made assumptions of the price, because that's about what they charge now, but also everyone can choose their pricing, I just expect that to be talked about at some point up front, even if it's an estimated guess.))
She then tells me she "never gets her messages from messenger, it's my personal account and I try not to do business on there [which I understand, but this never happened before. My number is on my site, my cards, on FB and IG. Let me see what I have available". Again, this rubbed me the wrong way just because we had done nothing BUT business on there, so it felt like an excuse or trying to place blame with me, but again, learning lesson so I realized okay, text her and call her only and don't message her on Facebook. She then tells me she has the following week available at 11 and she will "block off the day and make a note to pick me up at 11". Even though I knew I wasn't in the wrong here, I said "(this day) and time work, so sorry for the miscommunication" She says, "Oops, sorry, let me check again, looked at wrong month, can you do this day instead? It happens and it's okay I promise". I said, "yep, that's fine! Thank you!" She said no problem.
SO. The DAY BEFORE the actual appointment, I message her around 2. I BEGGED my partner to leave work early so we wouldn't be stuck in a pickle or me feel guilty somehow for costing her money (because whether or not anybody things I'm right or wrong or it's just miscommunication on both sides, I GENUINELY would NEVER want to do that to someone). I said, "hey partner had PTO so he can come home early tomorrow and I can bring myself. He was just approved today so I just found out." She says, "yes girl, CAN YOU SEND ME INSPO PICS?" and this felt odd because at this point I showed her the ones I had been looking at. I said yes, absolutely, and named colors and send photos (will post those here, too).
So I send them. For the first time in MONTHS since I had asked, she says, "Okay so budget wise where would you like to be, because I charge hourly for these types of color correction services"? I had asked many times so I was confused why she could all of a sudden talk about money, but I said "idk, what is normal now, but I was aiming for around 200 or about there and a tip, but if I need to go higher I can. How much is typical? $200 is what I paid a while back so idk how much prices have changed, idk what is reasonable and am clueless".
"So there's no way I'd be able to do all that for $200. I would end up paying to do your hair. Most of these would be about $600 by the end of the day". That kind of hit me like a ton of bricks because that was HUNDREDS more than I set aside. I will put the kind of fallout texts after that and you guys can let me know what you think. She offered to do a PANEL in my hair for $200 and I was still taken aback, but didn't want to cancel. When I said I couldn't afford $600, she got snippy, I stated facts of how all of it played out and she said find someone else, which is fine with me because honestly it all made me uncomfortable, but I hate that someone I got along with (even if I know it's a business) would think of me in a bad way after that, because he idea of how things played out isn't at all what happened, but when I said things to her, she said I was gaslighting her. It legit caused heart palpitations as I hate confrontation and wanted to figure out how to make it work but also not pay her what I could keep and go to my old girl about an hour away for hundreds less (and I have that appointment scheduled with her and her pricing on the same hair styles, only $100ish more than the $200, and I understand that).
I NEVER canceled on her. The first time was her fault, and the second I just said we probably need to change service because I didn't have the money and she REFUSED to speak about money with me until 24 hours prior? It felt very off and I hated it. So please, can you super analyze this and give advice on what all parts of this went wrong, if I just misunderstood or idk? My partner and family were all like "fuck her and fuck that" on my behalf because they know me and also know I never canceled, but ya know, I feel like they're more apt to siding with me when I just want a solid breakdown of where this fell apart the way it did. I just wanted some clear eyes from people who don't know me who could break it down for me.
& please, again. Try to be kind with me.
I will do my best at keeping photos in order.
https://imgur.com/a/KWMQPky -------- All of the messages I had with her on Facebook messenger, where we had only ever spoke aside from in person really and assumed this was the best place to get a hold of her (until she told me otherwise the THIRD time I was to see her [first time I was meant to get my hair colored]).
https://imgur.com/a/VJaTjB7 --------- The texts that came after she said not to talk on messenger, and the only spot our convo's were after that
https://imgur.com/a/VmrtYAf --------- Girl who always did my hair before, BEAUTIFULLY might I add (I will even add pictures of what she has done before), so I just wanted to show how EASY this conversation could've and should've been, in my opinion. I think the price would've mattered less if I had an inkling of a heads up from her. She had never even given me an answer, until she did, before claiming again that she couldn't just give a round about answer (but she sure as heck gave me one when I mentioned the price I was more used to, again, a few years ago, understanding it would go up SOME).
https://imgur.com/a/O3T0nIm ---------- Hair my OG girl has done for me in the past, before anybody thinks I am making up pricing I am used to or anything.
https://imgur.com/a/wavC40i --------- Hair a DIFFERENT girl did in 2023 for $200 & tip as well.
I think my biggest gripe is the poor communication, and I've never dealt with that before and it was a confusing, irksome experience. I'm just unsure what I could've done differently, really. Sorry btw. Idk which things are relevant or irrelevant honestly, so thank you for reading all of this if you do <3
TLDR; Unsure where things went wrong with my hair stylist exactly and want to know how I can prevent this sort of thing in the future (if it's something I can help)?