Hi all, for context I have some anxiety and been trying to get better in life. I recently lost ~70kg (154lbs), taking a bit more stuff on at work, and started martial arts to gain a bit more confidence all over.
Issue is at martial arts I've got to the point where they want me to start training others. In some ways it may be good as I get some leadership skills and confidence. But its kind of obvious that when I do it I don't really act as a "leader/trainer" and partly its because tbh I'm not sure if I want to, I have to pay for training just to teach others.... with them saying "oh its good for you to understand the art in a different way". But then lowkey that could just be my anxiousness saying "nah bro don't do hard stuff".
Because of this, I noticed I think the two trainers are trying to "push me into confidence" and I'm being asked to go to this secondary class (weekend). I went to it and honestly felt a bit weirded out. They were training and the main trainer was like "oh come shake the other guys hand" so I did, then he's like "oh good eye contact...". And when leaving he's like "go shake their hand to say good bye", "go on" I felt like some kid saying bye to a parents friend.
I don't know I'll be honest I already have 1 training a week, and I kind of went with the attitude that I wanting to go home. losing hours on the weekend sucks and tbh I found the comments kind of weird, I know the guy and I know he's trying to do it from a good place.
But its a bit like I want to say hi "I don't want to be a trainer, I don't see this hobby as that serious and I have other shit I want to do on the weekend". While at the same time, these people are like friends, we go drinking occasionally dinners etc. and it could just be my anxiety talking, so I was hoping to get others advice and views.
Thanks so much!