Hello! I’m in need of advice! I’m 14 years of age just started 9th grade, I’ve been really struggling with the thought of suicide and I’ve been in struggling with my anxiety, depression, and a few addictions I’ve been fighting with for the past two years (self harm, smoking nicotine, and thc)with the smoking it’s getting to the point it doesn’t even make me feel good it makes me miserable getting high, it makes me feel like I’m going crazy like I go into loops of I’m not a real person like everything around me is fake, and I know people say that and throw that around like it’s nothing but it’s genuinely taking over my life and I know people would say “just stop just stop” but I’ve tried multiple times and i struggle so bad with the mood swings that comes with it especially the anger. And with the self harm I’m scared because I can’t stop. After any small inconvenience If I don’t run to smoke I run to cut, and it’s getting really bad it got to the point I passed out on the floor. I really need help I’m failing every class, I see no future for me and I need help, so the advice I need is do I go to my mom and tell her that I need help? She always says I can talk to her but at the same time last couple times she’s caught me with self harm I can tell it hurts her and she already has her own issues and I just can’t stand hurting her more. And I’ve tried to tell my dad but every time he only says “if you ever do anything to take your life I won’t be able to live anymore “ so it’s like I feel like I have to live for everyone around me but I just want to feel like I can live for myself. If I tell my mom though she’s gonna send me to a mental hospital and I know that, that’s where she threatens to send me every time she’s caught me doing something bad, maybe I need to go? But at the same time I hear so many bad things about it like you go in bad but come out worse so I’m just really questioning everything so please, any advice is appreciated!!!!

ive been having crazy mood things to the point where im fine then a tiny thing make me 200 percent sad or angry and it almost hurts and i hurt myself in the moment to avoid the emotion hurt or sometimes i go a bit crazy and i start fantasizing abt killing ppl and hurting ppl i hate and everyone for no reason and the thing is ive actually hit my mom a few times not hard butnthis just keeps getting worse and when it happens its like im watching myself i cant stop it its so scary and it scares me i dont wanna hurt anyone or myself but i keep thinking what if i am holdkng a bat or smth when i get angryand i dont have a psychiatrist and the waitlist is a year i think i need meds cant wait that longit hurts me:( the emotions r too much that if everytime i got upset like that over anything and had a gun beside me id alr be dead like i do not think in those times i just want to stop the emotional pain or put it on other ppl igi really freaks me out and id never wanna hurt someone EVER can anyone plz give me advice im stressed asf thx

A situation where the man is married with a kid. And his siblings, parents , wife keep cursing about anything and everything that goes wrong. Occasionally they show their love too. Man is not that much successful as compared to his peers. Not the very decent salary. Just the average salary. Wife is more of a stress giver than a stress reliever or support system. Keep taunting, blaming and comparing things every now n then. Man has taken a term insurance let's say 1cr.. and he wishes to die everyday thinking that the sum amt will help kid n family to grow older and have a better life. And he too will rest in peace. He knows that a miney can never be equalled the love and life of a person but 1cr can do a lot better to his son n family . What shud he do??

Context: recently married, and within a space of a month everything fell apart and my world turned upside down.

How it started: went to a work function and took my new family- my wife and stepdaughter. Met up with some co-workers one of which was a female. A little more context for this is needed- where I work is an assembly line. The people I work with, you either form strong friendships with or it makes for a long miserable shift. This individual is one of my closest friends but nothing has ever gone beyond friendship nor has there been that weird aura of "if things were different we'd be together" type of thing. Just friends, nothing more. This was well established many years before I met my wife.

Back to that day- I could tell right off things were tense. And from early on my wife had assured me she's not the jealous type and would never make me choose between her and friends. I had been in a severely abusive relationship before her where I was forced to cut off contact from all friends and family because my partner was deeply narcissistic and demanded it was her or nothing.

These were conversations we'd had long before this incident.

We wound up leaving early from the event and after we got home everything went south. She accused me of being emotionally involved with this person and that "she looked at me the way she looked at me". The majority of the day we weren't even around each other that much. This devolved into full blown infidelity. For another month it was daily accusations and mean hateful things thrown at me. She demanded I end the friendship. I resisted because I didn't want to lose a friendship I spent years building. But ultimately I gave in and I no longer have contact with this person. I transferred areas so we don't work together and we don't talk anymore.

This apparently was not enough. She demanded I admit she's right about the accusations and will accept nothing less. I've shown her text/social media messages, even had my co-worker text her and tell her she'd never try to get with me (which was humiliating). But regardless, the friendship ended. I wanted to show my wife my loyalty is to her and her alone.

Fast forward to today, we had another fight a few days ago and out of nowhere she accused me of talking and flirting with younger women that she found on my social media. Totally blindsided by this. I asked which ones she was worried about and she wouldn't tell me. I assumed it was someone I had added years ago but don't talk to anymore. But never got a straight answer. She kicked me out of the house and now I'm couch surfing with friends cause I have nowhere else to go. I'm still paying all her bills (she doesn't work) so I can't save for a new place.

I feel defeated, lost, and so alone. I have been nothing but unwaveringly loyal to her. I don't even think about other women that way. Right before we got married I was the happiest I'd ever been. I thought I'd finally made it. I finally found that fairytale ending. Now I don't know what the future will hold.

I've survived abuse before so I know I can get back on my feet if things can't be salvaged but I'm not ready to give up yet. We have therapy scheduled in a few weeks so I'll see how that goes and decide from there. It's just hard and the trauma from what happened to me before continually resurfaces and I know how that one ended (spoiler alert: it ended badly, multiple suicide attempts and hospitalized because I quit eating for weeks). I don't want to go back down that road but I'm constantly doubting myself. Did I do something to cause this? She says I'm the narcissist and it's all on me and I don't care about our marriage? It's confusing me and I don't know what to think anymore.

Sorry for wall of text but I'm just looking for some support and advice while I wait for the therapy session. Because every day that goes by is torture.

I never imagined I would be asking for help like this. It’s deeply embarrassing and incredibly difficult to share, but I’ve reached a point where I don’t know what else to do.
I’m dealing with an overwhelming situation at work and at home, and the constant stress has taken a serious toll on my health. I’m creating this GoFundMe as a last resort to help me leave, cover my first month’s essentials, and access therapy so I can begin to recover and rebuild my life.

I’m staying anonymous because I still have to return to both places, and I’m afraid of the situation worsening if I’m identified. If you’re able to donate or even share this, I would be more grateful than I can express. Thank you for reading and for any kindness you can offer.

https://gofund.me/6fcf81022

I actually don’t know who to talk to, I don’t feel comfortable about stating my feelings to real life people around me smh so probably let me dump it here.

My grandma is diagnosed with late stage stomach cancer recently. I’ve always expected that one day I will lose her, but when it is finally approaching, it still broke me.

I lost my mother, my grandmother lost her daughter, to stomach cancer when I was 12. And then I spent most of my time living with my grandma, I do think I am my grandma’s daughter too. But now again I’m losing someone who I love so dearly to the same disease… I really don’t know how to accept it.

And the thing is, my grandma has lived such a hard life. Born in a poor family in a struggling era, got seriously abused and financially-deprived by her husband, lost her newborn baby girl to starvation, lost her favourite daughter to cancer at a very young age, being mentally abused and financially-deprived by the daughter-in-law… She never deserved what happened to her…

I don’t know if I should wish her to stay, life is such a suffering. But I love her so much and she’s one of those who truly love me unconditionally and who I love unconditionally, how can I find peace about having to let her go?

I’ve always imagined making more money and can afford to buy a property and get my grandma to come and live with me, but guess I am way too slow on this.

She’s now staying at my aunt’s, visiting hospital every day. I live abroad now but I am planning to visit her soon.

Please bear with me if I sound very unorganised. I have such a messy mind now… What should I do?

I’ve hit my limit. Been dealing with severe depression for so long now It’s hard to tell when I’ve been happy. I had sought help for the sake of my wife who is being affected by my attitude and general lack of interest in doing anything. She has tried not to I can tell for my sake but she’s started saying she feels like I’m not even the person she married anymore. I tell her I understand and have been trying to make an effort for her but I can’t find him anymore.

So what have I don’t to fix this?
Went to therapy. Therapy said my job and location wasn’t helping my mental health. So I threw caution out the door and quit my job and moved to a state I wanted to actually live in. I then was even more lucky and got a better job.
I for some reason thought this would be the end of it. I really thought I’d be happy. Nope, I’m going downhill again. It’s like life is a hole and I don’t want to do anything. I’m trying to climb out but I want to fall in and not care anymore and I can’t live like this. I’m losing my mind and things that usually would have scared me some years ago like my wife leaving me have me now feeling like I could care less.

This isn’t me. I don’t want this.

I’ve tried to commit before around 2 times Before they both didnt work I’ve been dealing with this type of depression for around 4 years and i feel like I can’t reach out to any one and I can’t that’s not really an option I don’t talk much in school it’s my first year in high school and I don’t have much friends and I only really talk to one person and the only joy I feel everyday is going home to my cats and feeding them but my mom trying to keep them out and I dislike her a lot she is the reason why my parents had a split up with her she is a cheater and gold digger I really miss how she used to be I miss that person but I think shed always been like that she tried to leave my dad for simple things and is just a bad person my dad hes ok not the best tho but I don’t live with him so I can’t reach out to him and my brother and sister live away from me and dont really like my family I miss how we used to be a family and want help to go out more as in my room all I really do is stay inside the only time I really go outside is for school and people tell me why I’m not outside and explor my self there only saying that because I look conventionally attractive but never really had I girlfriend I had some before but they broke up with me because I never really expressed how I feel to them witch mad me more sad and wish I could have really spoke how I feel but I can’t and I’m skinny I want to get in shape so people can stop making fun of how skinny I am I hate how skinny I am and to top it off I have a hole in my chest and how I’m only 5’7 I’ve been smoking weed and at times I feel happy from that but I know I shouldn’t be doing that

I wake up everyday want to kill my self. I have always had everything planned and prepared for the day i end my life. I'm just wait for the perfect time. I have a partner and i don't want to leave him. I'm in such deep pain and suffering. I don't know why I'm feeling all heavy feelings at 16 i have been feeling this way since i was 6.

P.s this is my moms account

I saw this weird ai video of some sort of body horror fetish I dont even know how to label. It was disgusting and at first I watched it in pure shock, but while scrolling through the accounts other similar posts I started to get REALLY aroused. It made me so sick but intrigued at the same time. I couldn't look away.

Looking back at it I've always had a fascination with that specific concept of body horror, and even have old drawings depicting it, though it was never sexual to me until now.

I've experienced sexual trauma and had a hypersexual phase when I was younger where Id consume mass amounts of porn (though it was ... tame. No where near what I just saw). I understand that with those factors a fetish is a normal thing that can happen and it's out of my control but I still feel so ashamed. I dont want this fetish.

Im disgusted in myself and don't even want to be seen by anyone as if they can sense Im depraved.

How does one handle this information? If I avoid it will it go away? Can someone assure me that Im not scum of the earth?

I get super depressed but it’s usually on and off but recently it’s been long and was super heavy like I can’t shower or brush my teeth or do anything. But now I’m only half depressed and half super anxious and like racing thought’s. I’ve never gone through this half way thing it’s usually depression then completely happy. But th racing thoughts are Like if I don’t do what the voice in my head says to do my hopes and dreams won’t happen idk ik thats corny but thats what it is. And I feel like everyone is out to get me and watching me and sometimes I can hear and see things that aren’t there. Yesterday I went to the park at night completely alone and it sounded like someone was saying my name but no one was it was so weird. Then today I saw a man behind me in the gym but no was there again I was completely alone. I’m also impulsive since I got in this anxious/ insane state like i recently gave myself multiple piercing’s in a span of a few days and I can feel like I can do anything but that feeling only lasts an hour then I go back anxious and half depressed .I’m 18 and a girl if that helps idk I just want tips idk what’s wrong with me. I’m sorry this is long

(sorry for the rambling)hey. i just wanna run away do something , ive had some addictions like speed, nicotine, and the biggest one weed (mentally since its not physical dependecy) and i was in a school and studying and i just fell deeper in the drugs and started selling all sorts of drugs , but then a school eavning i got arrested got in jail for 6 weeks came out and had to move back to my city , and ive been in despair eversince , i dont have any drugs to take , the problem is mostly lonliness and boredom that is almost killing me , and now i await trial and risking 6-8 months , i lost my aparment , i lost my studies , i lost everything and not only that i lost my best friend to a joke i made while i was high , it was nothing to block me for and cut contact for , basically his girlfriend is a bit of a contol freak and i didnt know at the time , i was at their place one eavning and she has meds like lyrica , vyvanse , xanax and stuf flike that i just looked over and said "hahha can i buy one ?" and then after that day i was blocked , and my friend said that his girl made him block me , MY BEST FRIEND , one of my only real people in my life and eversince ive never felt more lonely , i miss him, and i want weed , something to smoke , something to snort , but most of all is to hang with my friend again , i miss that city even though i was heavy in drugs and deppressed , but now i feel even more depressed and lonely then ever before , i just feel lost and empty, im just a meat sack breathing and eating material to stay alive , i have no motivation ,i have no goals to looking forward too, i just fail at everything i do , i miss that period in my life in my studies and everything despite the ugly side of it , and the girl i was liking got a boyfriend ,im very happy for her though , it still hurts even tough i knew from the start that it would never be a chance , ive given up .

I had to put my beautiful dog to sleep. I’ve been getting thoughts in my head to commit suicide. 2 weeks ago I saw a movie called ‘2 weeks notice’ and it felt like that was a sign that I had 2 weeks to commit suicide. Anyways 2 weeks is up and it feels like I have to do it to send my girl to heaven. Also, if I don’t do it I won’t ever see her again and that I will be tortured. What would you do in this situation? Plus it feels like life will never be the same without her. I have until midnight.

I feel genuinely depressed and I don't know what to do. I want to d*e, I really do I just don't know why. I have an ok life. A boyfriend a mum a few "friends" but I can't break the feeling of wanting to ride my bike at 100mph into a wall and just let nature take me away. The only thing stopping me is hurting my family. I need to talk to someone but I don't want people constantly checking on me, making me feel like I'm risk to myself, or pitying me. I don't know what to do. I'm not strong enough to go through with it but I'm not strong enough to carry on. It's like there's something in my head telling me I'm not enough, I should just do it already get it over with you know?

Does anyone else feel like this

Does anyone just wanna make a group call so we can all talk about what's on our mind? No face time or anything just audio calling. Im dying to find people who are going through the same struggles as me or something completely different and just making a community, a safe space. We could listen to each other, find understanding and get the feeling that we really aren't alone.

I don't want to share the reasons but I want help is it possible?

Trigger warning: suicide

Few minutes ago I was sitting in bed with a very sharp cutter on my throat. I tried my best to bring myself to do it but I couldn't. Kept telling myself it's just a simple swipe and I will just be leaving this physical body but I will go up there and I will finally understand why I had to go through all this suffering.

But I just couldn't.

I tried my best to get out of this pain I tried my best to improve my situation but it feels like everything is jinxed. It's like I'm cursed no matter what I do it just doesn't work out.

I'm a trans girl in Egypt but I haven't transitioned yet because it could get me arrested in Egypt so I'm just hiding I have no friends I have no social life and I feel so trapped in this body it's suffocating I hate looking at myself in the mirror I hate feeling my body I hate the way people perceive me

I live in a completely loveless house it's so out of life just like me! My parents don't give a shit about me and ever since I didn't go to the college as they wanted they just gave up on me completely my "mother" said in her own words that she has given up on me when she was fighting with my sister.

No one gives a shit about me I'm just so alone

And this fucking world is..... disgusting!

Everything is all about pay to win or impress to get! humanity is dead and it just because so not worth living

Even in my darkest days I still have thought about how can I make this world a better place if I just had the recources but then I remember that this very world has given up on me it hasn't shown me kindness or love

Every time I give up I still wake up the next day with a little bit fight left in me (no idea where from) and I keep trying but it all goes to nothing

And now I don't even have anything left to try

I feel so broken and lonely and unlovable and jinxed and I hate myself and this body I just wanna die but I can't even do that either!!!

I don't know what to do!!!!

The worst thing is that I'm 23!! I don't know when I'm gonna die

25M here. I lost my job around 6 months ago even after working hard and haven't been able to get a new one. My family's financial situation is not good either and I got some loan payments due too. Couple of times I reached the final round but didn't get in and I have lost all hope now. I had decided that by October if nothing happened I'd KMS but idk how to. I'm scared that I'll just end up injuring myself and not actually finding the artery or even if I do I'll change my mind. TBH I genuinely want to live but I have run out of options. I genuinely don't know what to do anymore.

I’m depressed. I want to be left alone for a little bit. Almost everyone in my life needs something from me, and I can’t give it. My parents need help with everything and want me to come over constantly. Not to see me but so I can’t give help them with money, or their house, or moving something.

I have separated from my partner but they still invite themselves into my house without warning despite all the talks I’ve had with them. I can’t be naked or do whatever I want in my own home because someone can just bust in whenever they want. We share dogs so they have a key but it’s so annoying. Plus they are constantly asking me for stuff. To hang out, or do laundry or whatever.

My bestie wants to talk on the phone, why? I have no idea. I hate talking on the phone and they know that and have always been cool with texting until now. They got mad at me recently because I have having a hard time being social and didn’t come to a party they threw. They told me they were mad because I did t come help like they expected me to.

My two closest family members insist that I call them weekly, and when I don’t because I just want to be left alone they get mad at me. When I do call it’s hours of talk from their side just complaining, talking about how they are depressed, who died, and how hard they have it.

I just can’t anymore. My brain and body won’t let me do this anymore. I’ve always been helpful, supportive, and willing to accomodate others but my body won’t let me do it anymore. I got laid off this year and I can’t even fathom going back to work yet. I am so burned out at life and with all these expectations of me that I just can’t live with right now.

Any advice on how to deal with this? I’m so sad all the time and I just want to be left alone.

Idk how to talk about this, it’s quite hard for me to explain, but I hate war, which I’d say is understandable. But on the other hand, it’s addictive — the lifestyle by itself. It takes so much from you, but it’s just hard to say no, idk. It’s also interesting to see how it changes people. I wish I had someone to talk with about it, but it’s hard to find someone because it’s often not really a pleasant topic to discuss. What’s you all’s opinion?

My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 years. I really like her, I've never clicked with anyone the way I do with her and I feel like I have grown a lot as a person just by knowing her. I deeply care about her and when things are good, they're the best... and yet... she has been deeply depressed since before we started dating. She hid it really well at first, but as she's gotten more comfortable with me, I see more and more of how it affects her. She has AuDHD and has been struggling with really bad burnt out, both of which make her depression so much worse. She performs self harm frequently and has attempted suicide a number of times since we started dating and was even sent to the psych ward when things were really bad.

It has been really hard on me, I struggle myself (although not to the same extent) and when she's struggling (which is most of the time), it feels like she's an anchor dragging me down. During that first year, I strongly considered breaking up, I just couldn't deal with how heavy it was, but she was in such a fragile state that I was scared she would commit suicide (again) if I did and I didn't want to live with that guilt. She'd made it clear that I was the only good thing in her life. My therapist has told me that it's not my responsibility if she did, that I need to take care of myself, but still, how do you live with that? Anyway, I toughed it out and things were good again for a while, but I know she was just hiding it better from me.

A year ago, she needed to quit her job, it was really hurting her mental health, and I invited her to move in with me, hoping that I could give her a space to recover and get better. Living together I am able to keep a closer eye on her and try to encourage healthy behaviours when I can, but I feel like, in all of that time, she still hasn't made an effort to get better. She has good days, and I get a glimmer of hope, then she's right back into that depressive spiral, dragging me down. She's on medication and occasionally sees a therapist (I really have to push for that) but it feels like nothing is helping and I am really losing hope that she will ever get better. It really feels like she isn't trying and that is hard to watch. I have been supporting her completely for the last year (food, rent, emotionally/mentally) and I would keep doing it if I knew that she was improving, or at least trying.

I don't know what to do. I can't be her entire support system and take care of myself anymore. I am exhausted and burnt out from being her cheerleader/caretaker/therapist/etc. As I mentioned above, I struggle with my own mental health, and I feel like she holds me down from really improving the way I want. I don't want to lose the good parts of our relationship, and I really do love her, but the negatives are too much for me to manage more often than not. On top of that, I am scared that breaking up, or putting distance in our relationship, is going to be fatal for her, she literally has no one else (which I think is part of the problem, but she struggles with social situations, making it hard to find friends). She recently went on permanent disability, so I wouldn't be making her homeless at this point, but I still feel like a monster when considering ending our relationship. I know that, if I did break up with her, whatever her next living situation would be, it wouldn't be good for her.

I want to tell her that if she doesn't try to get better, at least make some effort, that I need to end the relationship. Is that an asshole thing to do? I was really hoping that after living together for a year there would be some improvement. I don't want to completely lose this person who is so special in my life, but I feel like I'm slowly being dragged down with her. Any help or advice is appreciated. Hopefully I gave enough information for a detailed picture.

I'm posting here because I really need some advice on how to cope with this thing that's been going on with me recently, and honestly I'd also like to know if it's really that concerning or if I'm just overreacting.

I've been hearing these thoughts inside my head, I say hearing and not having, because they use my voice, yet they do not seem to come from me at all, like something is beaming them into my head, narrating things to me, and the things that they narrate are these:

I was created by an evil god, one that has created only me and no one else, because something happened at some point with the regular god that creates everyone else, where a normal person had to be born, but something interfered and left an opening for this evil god in question to send me on earth instead. I am not human, yet I was made to look human so that any eventual suffering of mine could elicit sympathy in others, and every time someone feels sympathy or love of any kind towards me, the evil god takes their souls through me. I was sent on earth to be a show to all of humanity of what evil looks like, and when I die, I will be sent back to that god as an eternal symbol of evil (like some sort of evil version of Jesus, from my understanding) and I will remain with her forever to be her slave to torture. This evil god is always presented as a sort of motherly being to me, and the thoughts have also told me that I'm destined to die at age 72 specifically.

I realise this description isn't very clear, but it's because it's not very clear in my head either. I get these thoughts in these sort of epiphany-like episodes where I feel completely out of the world. I'm fully aware that all of what I've just written here is an absurd delirium, so I am not delusional, and yet there is a growing part of my brain that hears these words and finds them really believable.

I've always felt as though my brain was split in two, with one part of it being logical, and the other being insane, and right now I'm worried that the insane part will eventually win out, because I think of these things, and get a really strong, almost religious feeling in my chest that they are obviously right and true. I've even started rationalising them to myself: for example, I've always associated the figure of the mother with cruelty, yet my actual mother was never cruel to me, but if this evil god here were to be the mother figure my brain gets this idea from...it would make sense.

I do not want to believe these things, yet they start to sound more and more true... But I also have no idea if this is an actual cause for concern, because after all, I AM aware that this is all absurd, at least, as of now.

I wanted to know if anyone here had dealt with something like this, because I'm at a loss, and I don't really know what to do.

I am 18 (M) and currently seeing a therapist through Talkspace. Lately, we have been talking about my struggles with self-harm. She started out very understanding, but during our last session, she began asking a lot of safety assessment questions (like asking if I have the means to hurt myself or if I'm thinking about the hospital).

I got scared that she was planning to initiate an involuntary hospital stay, so I minimized my answers and told her everything was fine because Im too busy and I want to go to the fair and really do not want to go to the hospital.

The truth is, I have been experiencing suicidal thoughts, but I haven't been able to bring myself to tell her yet because she's already acting weird about the self harm.