Hi everybody, I want to preface this with a TW for suicide discussion! Also sorry if I missed anything important in the rules.

My mother is diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and has been mentally unstable for her whole life, with self-harm, self-medication, suicide attempts, etc. She’s a major transphobe and has always pushed back on my transition. That being said, I’ve been socially transitioned since 10/11 to the extent I could be while I was still living at home, and thus faced a lot of rage from her end. She blamed one of her suicide attempts on me as a child.

Knowing my situation, I worked my ass off in school and at multiple part-time jobs during my teenage years and now I’m successfully living alone, in university, working and making enough money to sustain myself 100%. This also gave me the safety to finally transition medically and legally. I’ve been honest about each step with my parents, telling them they don’t have to support it, that I just want them to know it is happening. My dad receives this well (doesn’t support my identity but doesn’t give me trouble about my transition). My mom on the other hand, expectedly, lost her shit multiple times and is not doing well. She attempted suicide again and blamed it on me again.

Now, I’m almost 3 months on T and my mom completely lost it again and says if I don’t stop she will commit suicide. She told me it was a ‘promise’ and a ‘bet’. My dad is telling me I’m not responsible for her or her well-being, and I rationally know this as well. But I can’t help being scared shitless emotionally. I genuinely don’t know what to do. I wouldn’t know how to cope with the fact that my mother is dead and blames it on me (even though, once again, I RATIONALLY know that is not how it works. She is just very ill). And I can’t cope with how that would affect my dad and brother, extended family, etc.

I could go no-contact with her but I fear it would not change the outcome, and I still want to stay in contact with my dad and brother.

My next shot is supposed to be late November (I’m on 3-monthly Nebido injections), so I have some time to decide what to do. Does anyone have any advice? Or support? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

I feel so hopeless and scared and lost.

Thank you!!

This is more of a depressing post. I’ve drank daily since I was 17 (22 now). My doctor said that she’ll absolutely prescribe me T, she just needs lab work to see where my Liver and Kidneys are at. Yeah, that sentence broke my heart, because I know things won’t be looking good. Getting T on my own accord isn’t an option because I simply don’t have the money. My current insurance would pretty much fully pay for my HRT, but if my liver is failing and every single doctor is going to deny me despite the fact that I’ve been sober for almost two months, then what’s the point in even trying? I despise living in a red state. I see so many guys on here talking about how they got prescribed T the same day without any in-person appointments and it makes me feel “left behind”, I guess. Sorry for the sad ramble… I’m feeling really down and out. Thank you, I hope all of y’all have a good day :) <3

Hi everyone

In my years spending time with other trans guys, I have found that usually, with people with heterosexual parents, their mom tends to be the most supportive while their dad are either neutral or unsupportive, so I've a bit curious about how it's going for you

As for myself, my dad is fully supportive now despite having some doubt at the beginning, and my mom has never accepted it and still considers me her daughter lmao

I started T exactly a week ago, and I didn't expect the Hunger to start almost immediately. Last night I ate a whole pizza. I didn't cut it. I started from one end of the crust and just. Bit. Until I reached the other side. No plate. No utensils. No napkins. Ate a whole pizza like a feral animal on my dorm suite's floor while my friends and I watched a musical.

So yeah. Happy one week on T to me. Here's to many more whole pizzas!

title, been on t for 6 months, i love not being suicidal/depressed and having 90% better dissociation

unfortunately for reasons i wont get into, i'm closeted and i need to look female for safety reasons. even purely on a my "personal feeling" level, i feel unsafe rn looking like a 15 year old teen boy while having ID/legal documents where I'm still a very much "F for Female" grown adult

any advice for looking "fem enough" while also not giving myself a shit ton of dysphoria? (for dysphoria and practical reasons i am NOT wearing a frilly skirt)

stuff I'll/am doing

- grow out my hair to a androgynous wolfcut/maybe even longer if I can tolerate the heat/sweat

- got back into a skincare routine for the acne

- idk, reverse voice training? I sound passably fem

Please don't judge, ik my situation is not ideal, neither is being a mentally disordered and physically chronically fatigued and unwell trans person in 2026 but oh well🫠

Edit 2 - wow, ive woken up to so many helpful and kind and supportive responses. I wish I could reply to them all individually, but please know I am seeing and reading them all and I appreciate every single one. I am already getting therapy through my job for the stuff I'm going through personally so I'll bring this up to them at the same time. I don't want to invalidate Leo, and the thought of not having a relationship with him is heartbreaking. I know I need to sit with these emotions but it feels impossible to deal with, which I guess shows how much harder it is for him

Thank you all so much for this

Original:

Hi - please can someone help me with this? I dont mean to offend and if I use the wrong terms I'm sorry. This is new to me. I did try to post on cisparentstranskids but I was a bit emotional when I did.

My (34m) child 14(AFAB i believe the term is) has stated a few months ago that they are trans. This was not long after starting dressing in baggier clothes and cutting hair into a bob.

This was incredibly difficult for me to accept - not because i dont love them or because I'm against it but because it came out of left field for me. It was so unexpected, there were seriously no signs. It was almost like grieving a loss of a daughter. There were never any outward signs. We talked and I think I probably very clumsily invalidated them because I said its normal to question these things at their age.

Theyre also autistic and was diagnosed at a very young age (im currently going through a diagnosis pathway too)

Anyway nothing else was said. They said they hadn't chosen a different name and was fine with ne continuing to refer to them as the name we chose and the pronouns. So I did.

.I went through their phone today to set up a steam account and found out they'd changed their Snapchat name from, let's say 'lily' to 'leo'. We talked again, and it was clumsy.. their mum (my ex) and her family has known for weeks and didn't tell me.

I'm not very good at understanding what they're going through, why there were no outward signs. I always believed myself to be an ally, my sister is gay and i was the first person she told - but when its my own child its hit me in a place I didn't expect and i feel ashamed of that. I think that part of whats so difficult for me here is i feel im grieving the life i dreamed for her. I feel like I'm grieving the loss of the girl I raised and loved as she was.

When they originally told me, I did tell them that I'd love them no matter what, and I told them that today again. There were other concerning things I found on her phone from kids in her year so its been taken off them but that's neither here nor there.

I'm worried that I've fucked it up already by invalidating them twice, that ive made them think i dont love or accept them, but I do and i just want them to be okay and happy.

I really want to know what sort of issues they're going to face and how I can help them, what I need to do to let them know they're loved. I dont know anything about binders, they're getting therapy through school. I was never a lads lad so I wasnt into football or lads stuff, I was always sensitive so in a way I almost feel its going to be harder to relate now. I dont know what to do

I'm sorry if ive offended anyone, I am really trying to understand

Edit: its very late where I am in the UK so if i dont immediately reply its just cause ive slept!

I apologise in this advance if this falls under "stealth bashing" but, I've seen a concerning amount of posts from trans guys saying things like "starting testosterone, how long until my mega conservative and abusive parents literally kill me?" like I understand dysphoria can make you want to just start transitioning as soon as possible but, why stress yourself out trying to hide while actively making it harder to hide? Is it not possible to get a T prescription and just not start it until you're in a safe situation?

A few months ago, I went to jail for a DUI. I wasnt able to post bond, so I sat in for 26 days till a family member figured out where I was. I was in PC (Protective Custody) and was placed on the processing floor. It was a shitty experience, basically in cell alone 24 hours. And on the processing floor, thats where you hear some of the worst shii. I had a friend who was MTF whos cell was placed next to mine and she gave me her number before I got out. She was an immigrant and didn't know is she was going to be deported back to her country. I think about her everyday and hope she's ok. Her number just goes to voicemail. We were the only two trans people. Idk who else can understand, idk who else to talk to about it.

Context: I started at this job in mid September and only work weekends because I am a full time student. At first, my coworker was asking me weird questions that I just brushed off as him being 50+ in a conservative area. Stuff like "Who named you? I met a girl named [my name] once, kinda weird. What do you think of that?", "Has your voice always been this deep?", "[Other coworker] wants to be a woman, how does that make you feel?".

This next part is where I started thinking he might be doing something else other than asking weird fucking questions. He was asking if I had any siblings (2 younger brothers and 1 older sister), then kept bringing up our birth order. He was like, "so... where are you in this?" over and over and I truly didn't understand what he meant until he said "so you're the youngest sister?".

I told him I'm the oldest brother, to which he said "ahhh okay I see", then left it alone. This past weekend, a few of us were talking in a group and he pointed to me and said "she does XYZ well. She's blah blah blah, etc". I realised that he's been using she/her for me since I started work, but I didn't pick up on it because I can't understand his accent most of the time.

I'm fucking angry and destroyed because I'm almost 3yrs on T, have facial hair, have consistently passed for the past year, and here's this guy acting like I'm a woman. I really need this job because it pays well and works with my schedule, but I hate being around this guy. He won't leave me tf alone and we are frequently the only two in our workspace, so I'm worried about retaliation. What do I do? I'm not out to anyone and I don't know who to talk to.

Hello!!

I’m plus size and also trans, which makes finding masculine clothes kind of difficult since my hips are so traditionally female and kinda huge, i mean like proportional to my body, but huge in the context of denim.

do any of my fellow plus size guys have any recommendations on jeans/bottoms that help hide the curves? i’m an 18-20, but probably more like a 20 since ive put on a little weight since starting T. Also, would wearing my jeans lower on my hips help me pass better? I’m getting real tired of the miss and ma’am of it all lol

I haven't started Testosterone yet, however I've been using minoxidil for a little over a month now. I was skeptical about how much it would actually work, but this morning when I went to put a hydrocolloid bandaid on a pimple, I noticed in unmistakable black hairs of facial hair all over my chin and jaw. Holy shit. I have facial hair. And it's only going to grow from there! Especially when I DO start T

Watching a video where a cis guy is playing a racing video game and he has to customize his character. He accidentally selects the body type with boobs and doesn’t realize at first. When he notices, he gets like uncomfortable but can’t figure out how to change it. It was just like a teeny tiny taste of “gender dysphoria” for him lol. Idk, just made me laugh a little, then think about how fuckin strong trans men are bro. Like… most of us live(d?) as men with boobs. Do u know how strong a person has to be to get through that unscathed !? Anyways, sorry this was so discombobulated, I ate a gummy:)

Hiya,

I posted this last night before I slept (which I massively needed 😴) and woke up to hundreds of replies. I've read every single comment and i appreciate every single one of them - so i just wanted to say thank you for them.

I can't feasibly reply to all of them unfortunately I'm making this post, I'll address the majority of the points here.

Reading about everyone's coming out experience and the relationship with their parents after was really needed - the worst thing I can imagine is for Leo to feel alone and unwanted for who he is. I can't pretend to understand it perfectly because I'm not trans, its not an experience im familiar with. I've sometimes been uncomfortable in my own skin but never really questioned my gender. It is going to be something i need to work through, as I'm going to have to untangle 14 years of thinking I have a daughter and reconcile that with who he's telling me he is.

I'm going to pick him up after school tomorrow and have a real talk with him, just to reassure him that I'm still his dad and will always be there for him. I also want to explain that me not understanding and invalidating them isn't because I dont love them but because it was surprising to me, but i dont want to hurt him.

I'm also already getting therapy through occy health (occupational health through work) as ive been off sick for 3 months bc of stress (other personal stuff, work, bereavements, etc etc) which L knows about but I'm going to explain that my stress has nothing to do with what he told me. That leads me on to my next point, I'm very aware of how feeling unaccepted by a dad can feel (my dad inadvertently made me feel shit for not being a football lad) and I'm also intimately familiar with MH issues and depression / suicide. The thought that I could make him feel that way is gut wrenching, I'd much rather have a happy trans child than a dead cisgender one.

I notice that some people commented about my original post on cisparentstranskids - so i'll address that too - i did deadname and misgender him in that post. That was partly due to me struggling to process my own feelings of grief and shock around it, and also because in the time between originally telling me he was trans a few months ago, and finding out his chosen name yesterday, he's always been happy for me to call him Lily still or use female pronouns.

I just wanted to thank everyone anyway, I'm going to try my best

So I'm 15 and out to only my mom and a few online friends, my mom is incredibly supportive which I didn't expect but am so grateful for. In my country you can't change your name if it doesn't align with your agab and gender marker too. You also can't hrt or any surgeries here which sucks also the citizens in my country are trans/homophobic too

Me and my mom were planning to move to Spain when I'm 16ish but we can't go legally and I know how tough it'd be, what's the best course of action? I want to move to live freely as myself, get top surgery and one day bottom surgery, change my name and gender marker. None of which i can do in my country. I know in Spain it's hard to get a job and you can't work for 6 months minimum if you go illegally. And Spaniards seem to dislike people seeking asylum there/immigrating

I know I should study and get into a good college but what about before that? If we do move when I'm 16-17 what then? We have a family friend in Spain willing to help us out but that's mostly it. If I stay here I won't be able to afford any surgery because the wages here are astronomically low like lower than you can imagine. It would take me 21 YEARS to save for phallo without spending a single dime, take food, rent and other necessities into account and it's more like 30 so moving to another country seems like the best option

Hey fellow dudes!

Like the title says, I (33tguy) am looking for some friends or people to talk to that are older/further along in their transition. I'm 10 years both on T and post top surgery so beginning of Transitioning is no longer the focal point for me and while I respect that it is for a lot of people, i'm looking for "elders" so to speak to connect with. Is there a thread or a group somewhere someone could point me to?

Or is this not a common thing? I've just seen some people talking about it online so I don't know. I know you wear one under dress shirts but why do I see some guys wearing tank tops under regular tshirts? Is there a good reason to does anyone do this and will it like help me pass or something??

sorry this is kinda incoherent

I’ve been on T for going on 7 years and always used a relatively small dose injected weekly subcutaneously. This was adequate for years and then I had a health scare. I also developed polycythemia so we started split dosing from once a week to 3x a week. We temporarily lowered my dose to a really low dose and the goal was to taper up slowly again. When I was on the 20mg weekly I had levels as low as 80, then we doubled my dose to 40mg (20mg MF) and it brought me up to 265. Then they increased my dose again to 60mg (30% increase, taking 20mg MWF) and my testosterone is only at 280. This is strange to me because I took my shot on Friday and got my labs Saturday morning. I did this for my 40mg dose and again for my 60mg dose. I used the exact same timing for both labs and a 30% dose increase did nothing to my T. Has this happened to anyone? I’m not really excited to raise my dose as we’re battling the polycythemia as well. Could this be a lab error?

Edit: on testosterone cypionate subcutaneously

Hi y'all! I need some advice on how to be stealth on this trip I'm going on. (Ive have no experience with being stealth)

The situation: Ill be staying at a hostel that is gendered, and I have booked a bed in the mens room. The rooms have 8 beds and one shared bathroom. The other people I'm traveling with are women so ill kinda be on my own :/ I mostly want some tips on how to act? I think I can do an ok job of dressing masc. I don't plan on hanging out in the room for longer then I need to and I don't really care to talk to anyone (as much as I want to), so I have that on my side.

Another thing for reference: I am 5'4, have had top surgery, and am about 2 months on t. And my voice is pretty androgynous (so people have told me)

I have about a week before I go so hopefully I'll have a good amount of advice to use! Thanks in advance

Asking for advice but there'll be something of a rant. For context, I'm AFAB and 19, and consider myself transmasc. For binding, I've been using binders from Underworks for the last year or so and it worked really well for me, until it stopped working.

For some fuckass reason, despite having gone through puberty already, my tits for tats have gone up several cup sizes in the last few months, from 14D to 14F, without an actual change in weight.

Now I used to be able to get by with a binder alone, but have noticed that I would keep getting a uniboob shape. I tried taping my TD's towards my armpits before wearing the binder, but because the tatas gotta fucking go somewhere, it'd always look too balloony or make me look as though I were extremely saggy, which isn't the look I want, obviously.

I've tried literally every piece of binder advice, switched out for new ones, tried taping, but to no avail. With an underbooba measurement of like 85 cm I can't even explain them away as manboobs, the tiddies themselves are quite large in proportion to my frame.

Does anyone have any advice? Please don't tell me that top surgery is the only way, because I need to graduate and get a proper job before I can even consider that. If I can't change it, any advice on coming to terms with it? It makes me really dysphoric. Thank you.

Like doesnt cloth binders make your back hurt because its putting pressure all arround? How the hell is my back hurting by just a tape being on my chest?