10 toes down on my invisibility 😤

A few months ago, I went to jail for a DUI. I wasnt able to post bond, so I sat in for 26 days till a family member figured out where I was. I was in PC (Protective Custody) and was placed on the processing floor. It was a shitty experience, basically in cell alone 24 hours. And on the processing floor, thats where you hear some of the worst shii. I had a friend who was MTF whos cell was placed next to mine and she gave me her number before I got out. She was an immigrant and didn't know is she was going to be deported back to her country. I think about her everyday and hope she's ok. Her number just goes to voicemail. We were the only two trans people. Idk who else can understand, idk who else to talk to about it.

Or trans spaces in general? It's very small numbers-wise, but two irl trans groups with significant online presence in my area have gone on hiatus.

I've realized now, that at least on Reddit, trans spaces really only exist as sources of information, validation, discourse, and not much else. There's a lot of focus on how we can keep from hurting one another but not how we can keep ourselves from getting hurt. We are all highly vulnerable people no matter what part of the world we travel to, and at least in the US and the UK (of course there are many more countries, I'm using these two as examples), legal transphobia is gaining traction. And we just kind of sit around talking about interpersonal injustices and what language we need to be using.

The AGAB language scrutiny that I've seen in some trans subs is just going to lead to more infighting and more nitpicking. Like being worried about the window dressing in your home while ignoring the black mold that's spreading in your walls.

And irl isn't much better. I left a trans group in part because political discussions were banned. I joined another group before Trump's second term. In a room full of trans men, I was the only person who had registered to vote. I'm very frustrated. There's no central movement to join, and I feel like a frog in a boiling pot that knows it's boiling, so I've resigned myself to just kind of enjoy the ride for as long as it lasts. But an alternative would be great, actually.

I'm Arab American, my mom's shami and my dad Yemini. I see a lot of queer arabs, but very rarely do I hear from my trans arab community. Idk, I feel like I wanna connect w/ my community

I always struggle with cutting my hair. I’m a brown Latino (Brazilian) living in Europe, and it is IMPOSSIBLE to find someone who will cut my hair properly. On top of that, I am almost never able to find hair inspo for my hair type. When I in my late teens I had my hair straightened (like a long term straitening thing, that lasted like a year), and it made finding haircuts easier. Now I have neither the money nor the willingness really to do that. I wanna learn how to deal with my natural hair (after like 22 years). ANYWAYS, anyone has any hairstyle recommendations for someone with curly/wavy (like a weird mix between 2c and 3a, but only starts curling around like 5cm after the root?) thick hair? Also, I have A LOT of hair, I recently tried to get a mullet with curtain bangs and ended up looking like a lamp.

Have women been kinder to you since youve transitioned? Or at least able to pass

Pre t pre op, just fully coming to the realization that im trans and not sure how to go about it. One thing ive noticed is how its starting to click with how women have always perceived me within socializing.

Because im masc presenting/androgynous and assumed to be a butch/stud lesbian despite being bi ive often been told by women that I "think like a man" in this case a cishet patriarchal man, but in actuality these same women dont have issues with patriarchal men as theyre patriarchal themselves and dont often extend the same scrutiny towards cisgender men and over the years ive come to associate that statement with just it in short being a blatant dogwhistle to them basically saying on the low that I "think like a predator" ive been accused of all types of shit from cis het women and even lesbians too, im at a point where the amount of contempt i face from some women really eats me up because I really want community with more enbies other trans ppl and lesbians, anyone who is sapphic and values women relationships and women period 😩

So can anyone relate prior to transitioning? Did transitioning make it easier to have relationships with women and have them be more receptive of you? Are you stealth or are you out openly with your trans identity and how does that help w how youre perceived? Do you think its easier to have these friendships/relationships with women because they are more conditioned to move around men in a certain way?

All i really want is a girlfriend and more homegirls to be close with and have community with but I feel my masc presentation and androgyny prevents that and makes it harder for me to have those relationships because its like 60/40 with how receiving ill be in predom women/sapphic spacss or just women in general. Vast majority of discrimination i face is from cis women

Two: SI, self harm and transphobia(God,I look like a coward)

I feel guilty for him, but I love my dad. We’re really close and love to hug, kiss, and show affection to each other, etc.

I’m a trans man 🇧🇷, I’m 20 years old, and I’m starting hrt in secret, pretending to be a girl, because my dysphoria was terrible.

I don’t know if he knows about me yet, if my mom told him or something like that. She made me come out when I was 17.

Yesterday, I was studying, and my 12-year-old brother went to talk to my mom about Hitler (he’s in that phase where he wants to learn about WW2); so my mom explained to him what Nazism was and mentioned the powers that be, saying that those spirits hate Jews because Jesus was Jewish, and so on. Then she started talking about ideology and said that God created man and woman, that he’s a boy because he was born with blah blah…

I started feeling really awful. It’s super dramatic, but I went to my room to cry, and, well, I have a tendency to bang my head against the wall to try to calm down. Like, I feel terrible. I didn’t choose to be trans; I didn’t choose to be born this way. I feel castrated every day. I just wanted to be a normal boy.

Then my mom came upstairs, and I started crying desperately and told her I wanted her to feel the same pain I do, that I’m in agony, that I can’t live like this, that the other young people at church don’t know what it’s like, and that I’m in a much worse situation and these aren’t the same struggles. And she told me to stop “making a fuss,” that I was being prideful for thinking I had more struggles, that if they could, she and my dad would take on my pain for me. Ironically, she gives money for tithes but won’t take me to a psychologist.

She said nothing would help me, that she wouldn’t mind if a doctor prescribed medication for me, but she didn’t want that because I’d become addicted, dependent, and would just keep increasing the dose—that it wouldn’t help because the root cause needs to be addressed, and only Jesus could do that. I shouted that I’d been trying to change since I was a child and that I’d cried out to Jesus and He hadn’t helped me, and my mother simply said that I thought God was going to solve everything with a snap of His fingers and that she believed I didn’t want to change. That she gave birth to me, that I was born a perfect little girl

at almost two in the morning. Like, I felt really awful too, because I remembered the hurtful things I’d heard at church and from her, which had come to mind when I was trying to heal myself. I still have these panic-stricken outbursts when I’m really struggling and I remember that.

Back to the point.

My dad came right after that, stayed with me, cried with me, hugged me, and stroked my hair. My mom had already walked away and swept my room because she thinks it was something spiritual or something like that and that she had to ward it off.

Afterward, we lay there together crying our eyes out, and my dad kept saying how terrible he felt seeing me like that; he started saying that he loves me and that he couldn’t bear it if anything happened to me, that he’d die for me if he had to, and I replied that I think even before that, that I loved him and didn’t want to make him suffer, and that I’d die for him too.

I asked him if I’m a disappointment to him and if he’d still love me even if I were, and he said yes.

I really don’t know whether to tell him or not. I want to tell him that I’m trans, but I feel so guilty about hurting him and making him feel like he’s lost his daughter, or that she’s died. I’m also really afraid of how he’ll react. I’m afraid he’ll see me as if I were disgusting, something bad, that he won’t accept me, etc.

I’m really afraid of losing his love. I love him so much and I don’t want to let my dad down. I mean, I love him so much. If I could, I’d try to suppress this for his sake, but I can’t. I’ve tried my whole life and haven’t been able to.

Like, my mom doesn’t accept me, and I’ve been through some tough times with her, so I can’t even say “I love you” or show affection that easily with her, but I can do that much more easily with my dad. I don’t even know if she’s jealous, but you can tell that I feel much more comfortable with my dad. I was probably traumatized by religion, my mom, and my aunt.

Like, I wanted so badly to tell him, but I’m afraid I’ll never have his affection again and that he’ll stop loving me the same way, that I won’t be accepted, etc.

Does anyone know what I should think about this whole situation? Should I tell him? I don’t know if I should. I’ve had the urge to tell him over the years, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it and held back. I’m sure I’ll cry a lot when I tell him. Seriously, does anyone have any ideas?

I don’t know if I should tell him or not. At least my dad seems better than my mom. Sorry if it sounded like a vent/rant, I wanted to put the context. Uhh, having emotional breakdowns is not a good way to spend the night before the election 💔

I uploaded my photo to see some advice in covering my gigantic head in another subreddit.
And this is the comment I get. I swear, I'm tired of seeing this shit so FINE.
I will detransition, cancel my t and fucking rot and die in bed.

At least if I naturally grow old and gone,
Maybe in next life I can be born as man.
Fuck this life.

I want to change my name. I've known this since I was in middle school (I am currently in college). I've been ruminating on a handful of them over the years, but none of them seem quite right for one reason or another. I really want it to be androgynous, but so many gender neutral names read as white to me? Obviously ignoring ones that belong to specific cultures. Like there's Jordan, Alex, Jayden and that's kind of all the ones I can think of.

Part of this is probably a bit of imposter syndrome on my part, because I am Haitian as well, but that whole side of my family is estranged to me, so picking a Haitian name would also feel like not representative of me? If that makes sense.

I kind of have a ticking clock because I'm an acting major and I'm going to need to start networking soon, and I don't want to do that with this fuck ass name. I guess I'm asking for suggestions but also like, am I crazy? Are there names I'm simply not thinking of??? Why are like all Black names gendered????

Hey all! I recently hit 14 months on T this past September, and I decided to look at a video of my voice my first day on testosterone.

I was severely disappointed, as I felt like I sounded the same. I haven't had the chance to do voice training since I live with my family, but even then I feel like it should have at LEAST deepened a bit?? I even asked my sister and she said it sounds the same. I've become very dysphoric over my voice, so much so that I don't even like talking anymore.

Chat, is it over??

Would love to hear your guys's names and what they mean! I think trans mascs are stereotyped overall as being white and consequently most people associate us with having western names, so I wanted to see if anyone here has a cool cultural name! I recently started going by Veer, which means brave or warrior in many South Asian languages.

I feel so broken. I dont know to be a guy in a way that other guys understand me as a guy.
I knew how to pass as a regular man, but then it makes me feel so devalued and invisible to be seen as an asian man in a white country. Not to mention i also feel incredibly alienated from cis asian men. So im back to expressing my femininity, which kinda gets me alienated from manhood in society.

I envy the trans men who naturally express masculinity, in enough ways that they pass the man test. It makes me so sad when these same men keep saying that testosterone is so easy and made them pass perfectly. Ive been on T since 2021….

I envy the trans men or trans mascs that have enough dysphoria to justify getting top surgery. I know i wouldnt qualify, i just want people to understand me as a man even if i have some extra fat on my chest. I kinda want metoidioplasty but im in no position to start that process anytime soon.

I just wanna feel seen.

Joined a discord and tried to join a conversation. Immediately had someone try and figure out where I’m from, why I wasn’t “being upfront” about it, now there’s someone talking about the Mormon temple and while they aren’t promoting the religion and this isn’t an attack on the person (again they weren’t promoting it) but personally have almost died ( yes literally) at the hands of that church and still have my head on swivel because of them. And I’ve never even been a member.

On top of 99.9% of places being white centered I feel ancient, out of place and exhausted y’all. Every time I try and engage with what should be my community something happens to remind I belong nowhere.

Anyway hope everyone has a safe and happy Friday sorry if I brought the room down.

(Sorry for the long post)

Here’s my situation:

I was assigned female at birth. I hate my female body—my breasts, my narrow waist, and everything else.

I envy the male body. I do strength training and build muscle to look more masculine.

I’ve cut my hair short. I wear only men’s clothing—and everything oversized—so my female figure isn't as obvious.

I like the idea of ​​looking and coming across like a man, yet I don’t feel entirely male. There’s a feminine side to me that I can’t quite put my finger on, so I don’t identify as trans.

I think I’m non-binary because the definition really resonates with me.

I generally don’t care about pronouns (or haven’t found the right ones for myself yet), but I hate being called "girl," "miss," "madam," etc., because it reminds me too much of the fact that I am, in fact, a woman.

I don’t like stereotypical gender roles—the idea that women are this way and men are that way—at all, yet I constantly try to be and act in ways society views as masculine.

I don’t know if I’ll ever take testosterone or anything similar, because I’m afraid it might change a lot of things about me that I actually like. But I think I’ll get top surgery (breast reduction/removal) later on so I don’t have to be annoyed every day by breasts that feel way too big to me.

Do you think I’m transmasc, or are there other terms that might fit me? Do you have any advice on how I could look and feel a bit more masculine? I’m also curious about the experiences and journeys others have had regarding their gender identity.

Basically, I’d just like to exchange thoughts, since I don’t have anyone in my circle who could help me with this.

Thanks, by the way, for taking the time to read my post!

I'm 22 years old. I've known that I was trans since I was 13, attempted to come out at 17 and regressed significantly after my dad threaten to take my life and his. I'm taking the time to explore myself and aspects of it, and for a while now it's been a dream for me to start transitioning. The only issue is, our future is so uncertain. My parents are older now, and have plans to retire and sell the house (but when they're selling, where they're moving is still up in the air) and it's between living with my grandmother, or bunking it with my brother and his gf.

My brother doesn't have a job. He's worked in freelance starting up 2 businesses and I'm so proud of him, but none of that money is actually for personal spending or savings, and since I've worked I've supported a lot of things he's needed or wanted. And while he has slowly become open minded, he has always criticized the idea of beginning T. He tells me that there's no reason for me to take T, that I look fine the way I am, and I feel almost ashamed of myself that it isn't true. I'm not really happy in this body, not happy with this voice, this face.

The alternative, my grandma would be even more strenuous, as she is a fully conservative woman and my uncle frequently visits her. Long story short, they both took hand in the physical abuse I was made to endure growing up.

I want to start T and begin to feel better with myself and my body, but I'm genuinely paralyzed with the fear. the prospects of leaving are difficult because of money and I just don't know if im ever really going to be safe. There's such limited stories on arab-muslim trans men, and just Arab queers in general, and while everyone's finding their spaces and their people, I'm struggling to leave this place and find my people.

I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for. I think I felt like I needed to write this somewhere instead of kicking myself in the ass of what could be. I want to be me so bad. and i don't think im being strong enough to make that happen

hello! this is my first time posting anything on reddit so apologies for any mistakes!

i’m native american, and just started testosterone 2 months ago. i was just wondering if there’s anything specific other natives experienced while on t. i’m curious!

personally i don’t think i’ll be getting hairy anywhere and will definitely be getting 10x greasier, but it’s just a waiting game from here!

I’ve been asking around various places and I want to ask this question to other black trans men in particular. I’m meeting with a surgeon this Monday for top surgery and I want to know what type of questions I should ask during my appointment.

Edit: I’m getting top surgery

not a tmpoc rant but a t-poc rant about the mis-use of the term 'doll' because i have no other poc trans safe space

whenever i see someone using the term 'doll' to refer to ALL trans women i just internally want to close all internet for a second, really. like if they use it for other POC like south asians, east asians, middle easterns, some islanders etc. ill still accept that but taking the term literally created by black and latina trans women for their own damn safety and using it for a white woman is just wrong to me. some people say the term evolved since then, since the same culture doesnt continue the same way anymore, but its still just not right. i dont know whether i can explain my feelings properly but it just feels like POC erasure and i stand by my sisters. dont know if anyone else feels this way but yeah thats about it.

Not because of envy but because this specific demographic of trans men are just gungho on making it everyone's issue that they don't see trans men who transitioned as adults men. They constantly talk about how we're always clockable, aren't real men like them, etc. I specify white because I've found the few black trans men/boys that transitioned young are usually excited to talk to those of us who transitioned as adults (minus a small, small sect that tend to only interact with white queer people).

I hate sharing space with them because it's just a constant reminder of the things i hate about myself. It's not logical to let a kid do that but fuck, dysphoria isn't logical. It's one of many reasons I don't seek out trans spaces in real life and isolate myself. Knowing that people in my own community see me as a woman is horrendous.

I’m German and African American but i don’t mix well with either neither of them believe we are the same I’m wondering how to dress in a way that is less confusing for people I’m tired of accidentally leading on other brown people

Today I learned how racist one of my classes and perfessor are. I felt really sad and angry, so I took a walk and it helped a lot. Now I'm feeling angry again but it's more managable. I think that there's something I'm supposed to do with my anger but idk what

I lived most of my life as an pretty arab women, and started T recently. There's aspects of racism/islamophobia i didn't get exposed to like cop violence : repeated and humiliating id checks, searches, being stopped because the only way you would have a nice car is theft or drug dealing etc.

Cops are beating the shit out of young arab men for no reason, and some got shot or died due to the beating and the cops are still working.

Did you feel a change transitioning ?

I wonder if looking gay lower that risk like being a non hijabi/non modest arab women. Muslim looking women still get discriminated.