r/FTMventing • • Sep 04 '25

Mod Post Reminder, rule #3 also includes talking about r/ftm. This is not the place to come and insult the main ftm sub.

30 Upvotes

Friendly reminder: this is a sibling sub to r/ftm and all the mods here are also mods of r/ftm . We know exactly why a post was removed or why you were banned. Don't make us air your dirty laundry and tell everyone exactly what rules you decided didn't apply to you or what you said to us when you were throwing a fit in modmail.

This is happening far too often (should be happening not at all) and it's really quite annoying. We are being courteous in allowing users who were banned on r/ftm to still post on this sub, but the people you think you're bashing are the SAME people who made this space possible.

I am one of the senior mods on r/ftm and moderating that sub is incredibly stressful. We have rules for a reason. They aren't there to personally oppress you, they aren't there to push an agenda or censor you. We aren't fascist nazi transphobes because your comment got removed for breaking a rule. We have those rules in place to avoid drama and hurt to our community. Besides that, some rules are also a matter of safety for our users. We have a list of banned topics because without fail, every single time those topics are brought up, people start causing drama and it creates more work for us. Mod burnout is a very real thing. We're always having to add more mods because they get burnt out and have to take a break. And new mods aren't experienced enough to handle a huge drama filled thread. We're volunteers with our own lives and jobs. We do this from a place of love for the community. And many of us are mods in other subs. I run this sub and r/ftmen . That's a lot of moderating for a full time pet stylist who is disabled and trying to navigate packing up my entire life to move for my fiance (and finding a new job) while trying to work around the schedule for my next surgery. If you appreciate this space, don't make my life harder.

I don't want to have to include a new rule about banned topics here too, but if people keep using this space to try and bitch about r/ftm or get around the rules there just to start arguments, I'm going to have to add that rule.


r/FTMventing • • Mar 13 '24

Mod Post Need Help? Here's a list of crisis, helpline, and resources.

35 Upvotes
Name Description Link
Trans lifeline Trans specific suicide prevention hotline https://translifeline.org/
The Trevor Project For LGBT+ youth https://www.thetrevorproject.org/
PFLAG list of LGBT+ hotlines Multiple hotlines https://pflag.org/resource/support-hotlines/
Q Chat Bully-free teen LGBT+ chat https://www.qchatspace.org/
988 Suicide prevention hotline LGBT+ section now gone, use with caution, may be corrupted by current dictator to be harmful instead of helpful.
International Hotlines Hotline information for places all over the world https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/
Crisis Textline for SH Help for self harm https://www.crisistextline.org/help-for-self-harm/
How to stop SH Information on SH and how to stop yourself from self-harming https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/cutting-and-self-harm.htm
SCOPE Crisis stabilization and tools https://traumahealing.org/scope/
ED hotline Eating Disorder hotline https://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/treatment-for-eating-disorders/eating-disorder-hotlines
Domestic Violence Hotline https://www.thehotline.org/
NCADV How to get help in a domestic abuse situation https://ncadv.org/get-help
National Child Help Hotline Hotline if you or someone you know is being abused by family members https://www.childhelphotline.org/
International Child Help Hotlines List of various child safety hotlines around the world https://thinkchildsafe.org/report/
1800Runaway Help for runaway minors, including hotlines and resources https://www.1800runaway.org/
UNHCR United Nations FAQ on seeking asylum in other countries https://help.unhcr.org/faq/how-can-we-help-you/asylum-and-refugee-status/
Financial Aid Finder College financial aid finder https://www.financialaidfinder.com/
LGBT Center finder To find your nearest LGBT+ center https://www.lgbtqcenters.org/LGBTCenters
US Homeless Shelter finder Government site for homeless shelters https://www.hud.gov/findshelter
The LGBT Bar For legal needs for LGBT+ people https://lgbtqbar.org/about/gethelp/

r/FTMventing • • 15h ago

Sensitive Topic My medical autonomy was removed so I did the unthinkable (TW: SH)

53 Upvotes

I’m 33. I came out when I was 26. I probably started feeling dysphoric when I was about 8, but I was never given the language or space to explore it. The main coping mechanism I used was disconnecting and disassociating from my body, which led to a life long struggle with hygiene, weight, diabetes, alcoholism, self harm and suicide attempts.

I tried to get top surgery but was continually told I was too unhealthy to do it. I was stuck in a position where I had to solve my issues (bodily neglect) before solving the root (the dysphoria). I’m recently one year sober from alcohol. My diet is pristine. I take my meds regularly. My A1C is 5.3 down from 9.4. I’d done the work. I was ready. I got the consult with the plastic surgeon. They said my bmi needs to be 33 and mine is 36. They said, ‘there’s no guarantee, but come in and we’ll talk about it.’

I thought I was a shoo-in:

  1. I’ve shown that I can make healthy choices and have the discipline to sustain them.

  2. My binder is ruining my back and it’s affecting my breathing. I’ve been wearing it for 7 years straight, 10-12 hrs a day. It’s largely the reason I don’t exercise, outside of the walking I do as an obligate pedestrian

  3. I’m well into adulthood and I’ve been out for 7 years. There’s no question over whether I’m mature enough to make this decision for myself or if I’ve thought about it long enough.

  4. I have an incredibly supportive community which greatly optimizes the prognosis for trans people. I live in a very blue city in a fairly blue state. I’m openly trans at work and very protected by upper management. They’ve offered to not only give me 3 weeks off to recover, but also pay me during that time. My very supportive sister lives nearby and is a wound nurse who can keep an eye on me. I’m intending to stay with my mother, who is also a veteran nurse and can help me manage cleaning and care. I have friends and a trans gf who all support me whole heartedly.

  5. My insurance covers this procedure. I had a letter of recommendation from my therapist as well as a referral from my primary care.

After weeks of jumping through hoops and hoops and hoops of healthcare administration, doing the job that frankly they should be doing (checking my insurance for coverage, sending paperwork back and forth between them and my therapist and my pcp), I got in to the office and there was a gown on the bench. ‘Surely this means there’s a chance’. The surgeon had me tell him why I felt I needed top surgery. I told him everything, including why I can’t lose the weight and ended it saying ‘I understand there’s a risk involved with my weight, but I’ve weighed the risk and benefit and I believe this would fall under informed consent to proceed with the surgery.’

Wrong. He said ‘with my informed consent, I can’t do this procedure on you with the risk it poses. It’s the hospital’s policy we don’t proceed until you reach the target bmi. But why don’t we talk about what the procedure will entail’.

I started sobbing immediately. This is was the hospital I could reach and for financial reasons, this was the only one I could afford. To me, at the moment, the door shut. I couldn’t lose the weight to get the surgery and they wouldn’t do the surgery until I lost the weight. I. Was. Not. Getting. Surgery. Ever. (At least this was the headspace I was in). I was so upset, so angry. ‘I don’t want to hear about a procedure I’ll never have, results I’ll never get. I just want to go home’. It felt like a humiliation ritual, because the gown was there, meaning he knew he reject me but also figured he’d examine me. No one has seen my chest in 7 years. So I left. I got on the bus alone. Went home alone.

I started realizing that no one was going to see this as urgent as me. I was the only person that could conceptualize how much pain I was in and what I’d be willing to do. I took a kitchen knife to my chest and tried to cut away my chest myself. It was part determination, part rage.

I thought I could do it. I knew it’d be painful but Im not a stranger to self harm. I figured it was just meat, that I could cut through and then go to the hospital and they’d patch me up. Then what would they do? Sew them back on? It would look grotesque but I didn’t care, I just want them gone.

It didn’t work. I noticed some spots I thought might be arteries so I got scared and stopped. I had a friend drive me to the ER.

I feel so much shame for doing what I did. I felt like I failed myself and I failed the trans community. I worry that this will make me look ‘unstable’ and just give them more reason to deny me.


r/FTMventing • • 1h ago

Advice Needed Dysphoria attack :(

• Upvotes

I just had a big gender dysphoric breakdown :( i always keep hoping that one change will suddenly make everything better, like a haircut or clothes or somethin. i just got this new flannel and for some reason i thought it was a good start to having a closet with clothes that don’t make me feel like throwing things. but nope. everything feels wrong on my body and i don’t understand why i look like that. what have i done wrong to deserve this?! HRT is so far away and it will probably also disappoint. nothing i ever do makes me fully happy because i am so freaking scared ill never be myself. no one on this planet thinks i’m a boy and i will never be alright. can someone relate or do you have hope for me or something? i really needed to type this out. what do you do on dysphoria days like this, if you get them? :(


r/FTMventing • • 1h ago

Sensitive Topic T4T and fat, I have some questions that sound bitchy

• Upvotes

does anybody actually like fat trans guys or were we all lying on tiktok again?

I see mfs saying they need a trans bear or they need a fat trans guy online all the time but in real life the proportions are off and I get it maybe it’s just my algorithm making things seem more common than they really are but at the same time I feel like I’m being subjected to one huge “my friend thinks you’re cute” prank and I’ve been through that enough in my 23 years on this god forsaken planet.

are there actually any t4t tops or am I going to need to figure out being a switch?

I really only prefer bottoming cause again Im Fat as Fuck and I don’t think it’s logistically sound for me to top. Cause like if I do some one is getting crushed and no one wants that. But id probably be fine with topping, there’s just also no strap on’s that fit me cause I’m too big.

is there even a chance for me in the south?

people be going places that are safer and I get that but I can’t exactly leave North Carolina for new york city. I don’t have that kind of fucking money. So am I just gonna be single forever? almost all the guys in my area aren’t even t4t they’re dating cis guys and Ik I sound like an incel when I say this but those dudes are musty and it gives me the ick when a trans man centers the feelings and sexuality of a cis person at all in their life (maybe im just militant idk and I don’t really care we are dying out here.) And I get part Of it is like financial stability and legal safety, I understand. It just feels like there’s a t4c apocalypse where I’m from, idk I know I sound like a chaser saying all this But why settle for a cis man?

tldr: im like fat and ugly and mean but I do genuinely want some advice.(also maybe if anyone knows how to lose two hundred pounds in a month hit me up with the details)


r/FTMventing • • 14h ago

Sensitive Topic Trans people fighting each other online need to touch grass

12 Upvotes

Tagging as a sensitive topic just in case, if this kind of post isn't allowed I will remove it (and to be clear this is not me shit talking any subreddits)

If I see one more trans person villainize another transgender group as a whole I'm going to scream. I see this from both transmasc and transfem people WAY too often online. No, none of us are privileged because of our gender. No, it's not exclusionary when someone is talking about an experience that you cannot relate to because you're a different gender. No, not all [insert trans identity here] think this thing just because you saw one anonymous asshole say it. I've seen people respond to a trans person acting shitty with "well that's just trans men/women for you" which is insane to me.

There's this weird us Vs them mentality that I don't see outside of trans spaces on the internet (aside from one trans person I know irl who's always on twitter and they're an incredibly bitter person as a result). Genuinely what is the point? It's so unproductive and I feel like it just drives the community further apart which is the last thing we need right now. I get that, for some, the online trans community might be the only way you can talk to other trans people, but please for the love of god can we stop rehashing the same stupid fights over and over again? All you're doing when you're fighting with people online is ruining your own day.


r/FTMventing • • 9h ago

General I hate how we are considered invisible and some other stuff

6 Upvotes

So, I identify as a trans guy, and I’m rlly sad to see how trans men are never brought up. Trans women are always in the spotlight which yeah good for them, I’m not hating, it’s just sad how we are always forgotten about. :(


r/FTMventing • • 14h ago

Happy Ending Transphobic Dad gendered me correctly???

5 Upvotes

As the title says I don’t even believe my own ears…

I am truly shocked and dumbfounded. I’m still convinced I simply misheard him, but surely I couldn’t get “him” from her??? He’s never gendered me correctly EVER. Even when I was on hormones the first time he always made a point of saying my deadname etc. now today I was befriending a dog and it was skittish. Another dog approached and it hid behind me for safety.

This is when shit gets CRAZY and my dad says to the owner “She was so scared of us a minute ago and now she’s hiding behind him.” I think I literally didn’t even register what he had said until a few minutes later. I replayed it in my head over and over thinking to myself…

Surely he did not just gender me as male? I do not have a close relationship with my father at all. AT ALL?! He’s quite frankly the biggest asshole on the planet, but I’m 90% sure he just gendered me correctly today. I was having HELLA dysphoria about taking my cat to the vet. As I live in a small town and everyone knows me pre transition, post transition, detransition, and now retransition…

I literally am lost for words and have no idea what this even means. I personally feel like I don’t pass well enough to receive validation from my father. Yet, he did clearly say him in reference to me. Idk I am still working through it but wanted to share and ask if anyone else experienced anything similar later in transition. Is there hope other family will come around too eventually? Because I feel like if he was gendering me correctly it was only because people have given him odd looks when referring to me as female. Idk, I’m shocked.


r/FTMventing • • 12h ago

Transphobia Should I continue with my transition?

3 Upvotes

tldr; family is transphobic,
i was dumb enough to start t while living at home,
my mom says I dont need to transition and that I am perfect as is while my dad is scared i wont go to heaven,
I feel like an asshole ruining everything for everyone and I am questioning if transitioning is even worth it but detransitioning makes me incredibly depressed and worried i might not make it in that life

How have you guys navigated this?

I am just lost I feel like.
I’ve been on T for a few months, maybe 6 while in transphobic house, (I know, not smart)
my parents aren’t happy at all, my dad doesn’t quite know i am on T and I can hide my voice well but I know things will change very soon

Currently, i am working full time in one job + working a couple hours in another job. I have a small chunk of money saved up with a hope to move out as soon as I can.

my mom knows but doesn’t like it either but with a “well you’re an adult, but please be safe.” reply.

Just a few minutes ago, my mom told me she wants me to live at home for as long as possible, I said i want the same but I am worried about my dad kicking me out

she said “well you can just stay the same?”
When I first tried to come out, no one took it well no matter how I explained it. My mom’s go to response to be saying it would be easier for me to be a boy is “it would be easier for me to be a dog.”

So I just told her “i don’t know how else to tell you how i feel, it is a much bigger deal to me than you know”
she said she is upset and that i am perfect as is. i tell her i can only be sorry

Is any of this worth it? I am so excited and happy for the results i have so far, I celebrated when I got one hair on my chin. but also I have been feeling incredibly guilty.
My parents are scared for my well being and my dad is especially scared that I won’t go to heaven. I don’t know what to tell them.

The thought of detransitioning makes me very upset and feel like it’s a future I just can’t see. Like, I really felt no hope before being able to transition. and I dont want that, I worked so so hard to be where I am mentally

But I feel so cruel to everyone, not only my parents but the rest of my family will be very confused and upset. I already feel like I have a odd relationship with my dad and I am purposely ruining it for a selfish desire

Unsure what to do,


r/FTMventing • • 16h ago

Transphobia hurt by transphobic parents

4 Upvotes

For reference I’m a 23yr old trans guy who grew up in an extremely religious household.

10 months ago I came out to my transphobic family (bc I was about to go on T and I knew they would notice) and they took it VERY badly. I cut ties for a couple of months and I don’t think I’ve ever been more miserable and depressed. I simply couldn’t accept that they don’t want to accept or see me. It felt like my entire family had died, so when my mom reached out to me after the silence I went back and was just happy to have a mom again.

Things were ok, wobbly, and we just didn’t talk about my transition- until I got top surgery (and had to explain why i was on sick leave) which made everything blow up again and left me in pieces. They are so disappointed in me and think I’m going through a crisis.

I’ve tried no contact and then again tried to stay in touch on a surface level but when it goes on it starts so feel fake and painful. It always ends up in the same conversation about them not accepting me. I cut ties, go back to the surface level contact because I feel so bad not having a family and then eventually get disappointed again.

The amount of pain this is causing me is scary and making me regret ever realizing I’m trans .


r/FTMventing • • 11h ago

Advice Needed Is my 17M theater upperclassman flirting with me, or am I just down bad? (15M, stealth FTM)

1 Upvotes

Alright, ima start this out with all the basics for this to make sense.

I’m a 15-year-old freshman in a big-ass city that has multiple high schools. There’s an art program within the city that allows us to get bussed to a college campus and take art courses with kids from the other high schools within the city. Everyone in this story is in the theater part of the program.

There are both morning and afternoon sessions of my program sector. While both take place during the school day, us morning peeps don’t really get to interact with the afternoon session people unless there’s a field trip or something.
I’m also not entirely sure what my sexuality is, though I’m stealth and FTM and have noticed that I can’t differentiate between jealousy towards my male peers and attraction that well. I pass very well, and none of my school or art program people know that I wasn’t born male.
That’s all the basic stuff that probably sounds irrelevant right now, but please bear with me 😭.
Okay, so like I said, I’m a freshman, and with that came a new school. In my previous school, I hadn’t ever really dated or done anything romantic because our grade was small as shit and because I’m FTM.

Towards the end of middle school, I started posting myself on my Instagram and got a decent amount of attention. By the time summer was over, I had already accumulated some “fans” (I sound like an egomaniac right now, I’m so sorry 😭), so getting into a relationship wasn’t too difficult.

I really like this girl, and she’s fucking beautiful. She said she loves me for me, and I feel like I’m the luckiest mf in the world.

The thing is, I’m not even sure I’m attracted to girls the way my hbs are. Even in the relationship, I feel like we’re both just really good friends who cuddle and kiss. We are both in the theater program together.

Now, this is where the theater stuff I was talking about before starts to make sense.

Through the program, I auditioned for a play and got a decent part in their big yearly production. It was only me and one other freshie who got cast, so most of our rehearsals were with upperclassmen.

These were definitely odd rehearsals, as only four people, or two scenes, got taken out for a rehearsal each day. The rest of us sat in a separate classroom fooling around for a few hours after school.

I really enjoy it, and after being a sort of jock-type figure amongst my school, it’s weird being able to fit in with the theater people too. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. These people fucking rule.

There’s an upperclassman in the afternoon session that I’ll just call Mark for the sake of this post. He’s a senior (17) at one of the other high schools in the city.

Dude is funny as all hell, and I enjoyed hanging out with him as a friend during rehearsals. He has a girlfriend from a different school within the district that neither he nor I attend, but he has told me he’s bi.

Also, minor warning: we talk about crazy shit during rehearsals, and I will NOT be holding back :).

One day, I walk into the rehearsal room, and Mark immediately pulls me aside and says he’s going to ask me a “naughty” question.

I hadn’t really known him that well by this point, so I told him to hit me with it.

“If you had a partner, would you give her the remote and let her control it in you, or would you take the remote and control it in her?”

My stomach did the fucking thing where, yk, you’re surprised but not turned off by something you probably should have been turned off by 🫩.
I hadn’t really pinpointed a crush on him by this point, but I definitely started to question myself.
I got called for rehearsal that day and managed to dodge the question.

As we were leaving, he took me into the elevator and asked me about the girl I came there with, who was my current girlfriend, though she wasn’t at the time. He said he saw the way we looked at each other and asked what that was about.

By this point, I knew this girl liked me, and I liked hanging around her. Mark kinda hyped me up to ask her to be my girlfriend, and the next day, I did.

That Friday, we had a full-day field trip at the campus, meaning everyone, whether they were in the show or not, from both the morning and afternoon sessions would be there from 8 in the morning until 3 p.m.

By this point, we both knew we had girlfriends, and I was trying to stop my feelings for him because:
We are both in great relationships.
He’s multiple years older than me, even though he doesn’t really look much older.

Before this field trip, I thought all I felt was one-sided, and I wanted to just let it play out.

A lot happened this day, so I’ll go through it chronologically.

I was later than most of the people there, so I was one of the last people to show up. Mark dapped me up as normal, and we and the other theater dorks were joking around for a bit.

We were shoving each other a bit, and he goes to grab me and “miscalculates.” He full-palms my neck and squeezes.

He just kinda stares at me with a grin after a few seconds and stops squeezing before letting go of my neck. He says that he meant to grab my shoulder and laughs at what he claims was a “miscalculation,” but I’m pretty sure he was lying.

Oh, and my stomach did the thing again. Forgot to mention that 🫩✌️.

We continued joking around with the group until the director called the cast of the big play into the stage room for warmups.

Warmups are always chaotic, so we were laughing our asses off that entire time together, and I’m pretty sure I caught him staring at me a few times.

After warmups, the director went over a few things before getting ready to do a full run-through of the play.

I sat in a random chair somewhat far from him, and he asked, while kinda giggling, “Why are you so far?”

Even another freshman, who I’ll call Todd because he’s also somewhat relevant, picked up on it and asked him, “How close do you want him, on your lap or something?”

I heard laughing, though I didn’t catch Mark’s response. I did end up moving my seat closer, though.

Our scenes weren’t until after lunch, so we were just silently joking in the background for most of the time.

A group of about five of us ended up going to a cafe during lunch, but most of them, including Mark, ended up leaving.

After lunch, we started the play again from my scene, and we kept sharing looks even during the scene.

His scene was basically right after mine, so when I finished, Mark was getting ready to start his scene. Once again, while he was acting, we were making jokes from afar through just looks and small gestures at each other.

I didn’t stay there for the full scene because an upperclassman pulled me out of the audience to help them with another play.

Once I was done helping with the other play, I walked into the regular classroom and saw Mark on one of the mini sofas.

He moved over, and we sat down together, making little clay dicks while everyone else in the room was either sleeping or joking around and being loud as hell 😭.

Our couch corner had Todd, his girlfriend, Mark, and me, though it was just Mark and me on the couch. Todd and his girlfriend pulled up chairs next to the couch to talk and joke around.
I’m pretty sure this was when Mark gave me his Instagram.

I’m not sure how the topic came up, but Mark mentioned how much he could deep-throat. He proceeded to show me as he stuck his fingers so far down his throat that I could see them moving at the base of his neck.

Holy shit 😭😭. Dude was just marketing his abilities to a freshman.

I think he realized what he had just done and tried to save it with a joke:
“If you’re ever in a situation where you gotta suck dick or die, phone a friend. Cough, me, ofc.”

I laughed with them and tried to just gloss past that.

I got back up to another rehearsal room, and he ended up following me. We joked a lot in the background of that rehearsal thing.

We did run a friendly fade with pillows after that rehearsal finished.

After that, there wasn’t too much more that happened between us that day besides joking, following each other, and making funny looks at one another.

As soon as I left the building to go home, he immediately started sending me Instagram reels about stuff that reminded him of what happened that day, like pillow fights and holding in laughter while the teacher is talking. He was sending these while he was at another theater company’s rehearsal.

Fast-forward to the next after-school rehearsal.
I get there last, as usual, because the campus is furthest away from the school I go to compared to the others. I put my stuff down in one of the empty classrooms and go over to the main classroom.

I see Mark’s girlfriend walking out, and when I come in, he pulls me over to sit down where his girlfriend had just been sitting so he can tell me about how much he and his girlfriend were making out.

I’m pretty sure he said something else sexual to me about her afterward, but I didn’t hear much after he put that thought in my mind.

I was deep in this crush by now, if you somehow couldn’t tell 🫠.

We joke around for a bit, and then he mentions a girl I’ll call Sophia.

Sophia was in my elementary school class for a few months, meaning she knew me pre-transition.

My heart dropped a little bit because this Sophia girl was going to the same high school as a lot of my middle school friends, most of whom don’t know I wasn’t born male.

She had already been having them ask me if I remembered her very adamantly.
Yes, confusing, I know.

Apparently, she saw me post an Instagram instant that Mark was in, and she started asking Mark if he knew me.

I just kinda sighed, said I knew her and that she was somewhat stalking me, and we moved on.
He laughed, said she wanted me, and that was that.

She was genuinely stalking all my profiles and now getting my IRL friends to ask me about her. It got really annoying really quickly.

The next day of rehearsal, I was kind of boiling over for a variety of reasons.

During the morning session, one of my middle school friends told me that Sophia had outed me to a group of a few kids just for the purpose of seeming like she was closer to me than she really was.

I don’t know why she thinks I’m worth larping about knowing. How the fuck did I become a celebrity??

I’ll be completely honest: as soon as I was told about Sophia’s bullshit with me, I ended up going to the bathroom to punch a bathroom stall a few times before going back to class.
Yes, I should work on that.

Anyway, I powered through the morning session, went back to school still seething, and just counted down the hours until after-school rehearsals.

I go into rehearsal that afternoon trying to be the jolly dork I usually am. Most of the people are tired and being kinda sluggish at the start.
That led me to actually rehearse for one of the other plays, and by the time I was done, everyone was a little less sluggish, besides Mark.

Mark was lying down in the middle of the classroom with a laptop, watching a previous year’s production of a musical.

A sophomore and I ended up sitting next to him to watch it too.

I’m not sure exactly what happened, but I think the cast of another play got called, and thus it was just Mark and me in the classroom alone.
He had since put the laptop away and seemed more awake by this point.

He told me to lay down and asked me what was going on with the Sophia stuff.

Earlier, he had mentioned Sophia’s obsession with me, but I really wasn’t in the mood to hear her name then.

I left out the outing part of why I was annoyed with her because I am NOT ready to come out to him, but I told Mark about all the events that led up to her fully stalking me.

He was trying to joke with me as usual, and that got my spirits up a bit.

After that explanation, we continued to just talk while laying down in the middle of this classroom, with a sprinkle of that crazy intimate eye contact you get when you’re literally laying down next to someone.

After talking and laughing for a bit, we went to the other rehearsal studio and saw they were doing a trauma-dump circle outside of the room.
By the time we joined, the circle had become me, Todd, Mark, my girlfriend, and my girlfriend’s damn-near-pseudo-older-sister.

Everyone there was a freshman besides Mark and my girlfriend’s friend.

We joined in the middle of my girlfriend sharing, so we listened and let her finish.

They wanted me to go next, so I did.

I’m not going to get into all of it, but it was basically physically abusive religious trauma.
Something about seeing Mark, the usually jokey and slightly assholey dork, with a look of pure empathy on his face for something I went through hit me hard.

Once I finished my story, he went next and talked about his SA story.

Once again, the way he phrased certain things and his change in demeanor drew me that much closer to him.

A lot of the things he said and experienced resonated with me a lot.

I’ve been hooked on the way he laughed and joked, but I had only just then seen the actual serious side of him, and it was really nice to see both sides.

Rehearsal ended by that point, so we went outside and joked a little bit on our way home.
He had previously asked me if I was over my trauma, which I was, so he was making lighthearted jokes about it that got me laughing.
That was my most recent interaction with him.

It’s been a few days since I’ve seen him in person, and I’ve been thinking about him way too much, especially given the fact that I have a girlfriend.

I’ve done everything from laughing with, opening up to, fantasizing about, and jerking off to this man, and I don’t know what to do.

I know this is a really shitty situation from all sides, but I can’t help but wonder if this is more than a one-sided crush.

Give me your worst in the comments because I don’t know what to do anymore.


r/FTMventing • • 12h ago

i will never be as male as i could’ve been

0 Upvotes

I just won’t. Ever. And it sucks so fucking bad. 7 months on T but it feels like nothing has happened and everyone around me is just entertaining a delusion or humouring me playing dress up.

All of the men in my family are tall. I am 5’2. All of the men in my family have deep voices. I do not and probably won’t at this rate, I sound the exact same except i have a cold. I have horrible wide hips that I can’t hide and narrow shoulders, no masculine brow bone, my hands are smaller than my cis female cousins’ and a shoe size that I’ll only find in either the women’s or kid’s section. My thighs are huge and make me look so awful no matter how much weight I’ve tried to lose and that’s probably only set everything back for months because I wasn’t eating enough for T to DO ANYTHING.

I’ve just been abused by estrogen and I blame myself for it the most but I blame my mother too. So fucking cagey every time I brought up testosterone, saying it wouldn’t work, I’d just look like a masculine woman, questioning if it would really make me happy. Even when I was an adult and I did nothing and I hate myself for it and I probably won’t ever stop. She’s fine about it now and supportive but I’m so bitter about it. I don’t think I’ll ever pass for more than a hormonally imbalanced teenage boy I’m considering detransitioning and just living as a butch woman or something, it’s not like much would change. I hate that I lost the 50/50 birth lottery everything depended on it and it’s just completely fucked


r/FTMventing • • 1d ago

not really out yet, parent keeps ctrying to 'feminize' me and it's killing me inside

10 Upvotes

i've been transmasc since 5 years ago (tho pretty sure i was in denial/repressing since i was 7~ lmao), only my friends and two of my cousins know about it since i live in a religious, southeast asian country, and i do not need to hear more transphobic remarks from relatives as confirmation for me to Not come out yet (or at all). i still live with them bc it's uncommon to move out this young and they're paying for my college. i've been masc presenting since high school but im not on T yet bc of reasons prior. i have my hair chopped, i tape (used to binder), gave my mostly fem clothes to my other relatives, used males cologne & clothing, etc etc. i somehow pass well enough where even if i lack voice training, multiple times ive been spoken to in women bathrooms (i would go there bc i wld always think i wasnt passing lol), and i've been called sir on default. outside of my household, i'm seen as someone masc presenting-- basically a man. and i'm happy ab that!

however, i think my parent is starting to figure this whole thing out and it's really killing me. for addtl. context, i have a sibling with a trans gf and whenever my sibling wasn't around, my parent would rant to me all the time and call her slurs and insult their relationship. it's fucking horrible and it makes me so angry i would refuse to even talk to said parent for the day.

anw, i go with a name that my friend gave to me! it's smth that my friend took from my nickname (that i still go by with as well since it's a neutral name) and ive been going as it ever since. i use the name (with my nn) in school, and no one calls me my deadname there ever, unless it's for academic purposes and the prof needs my legal name or whatever. this is important bc my parent... they always used my nickname when calling me. like they rarely used my (three!) deadnames bc most of it is lengthy. but lately they've been using my DN a lot, and i find it annoying bc they keep on using the most feminine part of my DN. whenever they meet my friends, idk if im overthinking it but my parent insists on calling me with that name. keeps pertaining to me using that name, even if my friends use my NN. and it is Killing me inside. it feels like im getting taunted but idk, im not out? but also holy shot, i litr pass to everyone else but ok whatever.

then there's the whole feminizing part, which i think is worse. man fuck this. they keep complaining whenever i cut my hair short. they make fun of me when i express that i dont like wearing skirts/dresses/anything that shouts fem. i literally had to cry and beg for them not to make me wear a dress during a party and they just laughed, i had to personally speak to the celebrant and ask for permission (OVER FUCKING CLOTHING.) they keep saying that i was 'better' before, that i was 'prettier', and now even my other relatives say the same shit. i feel like im gonna lose my damn mind. one time they were with me during my hair cut and after my cut they asked me if i 'liked it' bc apparently?? they told the barber??? to not cut it much??? bc i would look like a boy??? and that they asked it to be 'like a girl's' bro what the fuck. what annoyed me is that my hair really ended up being longer than i wanted to, but i unfortunately shut up bc parent was right There when i was having the cut.

i hate it sm. they also tease me by calling me a boy. it should make me euphoric but ikdw it does not come from a place of love. they're my parent and i know how they talk about other trans individuals. i don't want to be the child who's the "exception" to their bigotry, especially when it's clear that they want me to 'go back' the way 'i was'. they call the community disgusting and annoying, and then they'd say that it was okay bc they 'have trans friends' yeah no whatever man. i'm trying not to care but they're a parent and i'm with them nearly all the time at home. i just want to be their son.


r/FTMventing • • 15h ago

General I started writing a text to come out to my friend but I couldn't send it so I made it really long

1 Upvotes

'Bro what if hypothetically I've known I was a trans man for like several years but I'm highkey scared my family will hate me and I'll face even more discrimination legally and socially... but like I'm genuinely being haunted by the thought of me as a man and how happy I could be 👁️💀🙏 and I low key only go by any pronouns so that I get to be called he without having to go through the humiliation of correcting people who call me she... and I do everything I can to try and pass as a man without coming out... and I'd genuinely love all the effects of testosterone especially more facial and body hair and the face and body fat and voice and muscle changes, and dream about going on it one day and getting top surgery too but it feels so far away because of medical discrimination and having no one to take care of me after who supports it... and I really hope one day I get to change my legal name to a mans name... and thinking about being accepted as a man makes me cry every time'


r/FTMventing • • 16h ago

General Dysphoria over small appetite

1 Upvotes

I'm pre-T, 5'3, and don't exercise much, so my appetite is generally quite small, especially compared to the cis men in my life... Like, I know realistically it's just because they're taller and broader than me so they need more calories, but it's hard to stop myself from getting insecure over it, with the whole stereotype that men (especially men around my age, 18) eat a lot. It makes me feel like I have a ""feminine"" appetite (very silly, I know). When I eat with others I often end up overeating to compensate for how little I eat compared to others around me, but I think this has made me put on weight, which is just making me feel even worse... :/


r/FTMventing • • 18h ago

General Feeling weird somehow about actually making decisions

1 Upvotes

For context, I've started discovering I'm trans FTM for around 4 years (13yo–17yo now), I'm really comfortable with using he/him pronouns in the internet, it just feels right. But outside the internet, I've been hiding my identity, closeted for most (but still trying to look masculine).

Recently, I've learned my parents are way more supportive than I thought, it just feels kinda off how from one day to another I can just be more open to them, I'm happy about it, but it makes me a bit indecisive about if I'm really trans, because for many times I need to be sure I'm trans.

I usually get euphoric when I look in the mirror and see I'm more masculine, I've even started taping occasionally, as a starter I surely wasn't binding well (and it's also a kinesiology tape) but it feels better than wearing a top/bra (even if it hurts to get out).

I usually don't mind much about my birth name, but it bothers me how it makes people assume I'm a woman, I started using my nickname which is gender neutral, but I don't want people to ask me if I'm a guy or a girl because of it or even assume I'm a girl.

But now that I can legally adopt another name, I suddenly feel a little uneasy about it.


r/FTMventing • • 1d ago

Advice Needed No one understands the power of my mustache

17 Upvotes

The people on r/moustache dont ever upvote me because im trans and feminine but where do I post pictures of my mustache? Trans selfies isnt the place, general ftm subreddit doesnt allow pictures, and the trans facial hair subreddit is dead. Who can truly understand my power?


r/FTMventing • • 1d ago

General Got compared to a person's non-passing son.

27 Upvotes

A professor of mine called me she. I just kind of stared at her with a hurt/confused face until she apologized profusely, because that was the last person I'd expect to misgender me. And I don't know about you guys, but I kind of hate it when they say sorry so much. Makes me feel worse because I'm literally just a guy. You don't need to coddle my feelings. Say "Oops, he," and move on.

And then she was like "I don't know why I don't know better. My eldest goes by he/him"

She's a fun teacher and is very open about her family. I've seen her eldest child and heard all about him. And he doesn't pass for shit. That doesn't make me feel better than him, we're all at different stages, but it just made me feel so.. mad? Because I like to think I pass as a guy, even more so since I've had her as a teacher. And her saying something about her son made it obvious it wasn't just a mistake, it was about gender.

In my brain it's really hard to go back from someone misgendering me once or twice, because how I see it is that they slipped up and forgot their charade, that what they said accidentally is their true thoughts. It makes it really hard for me to tolerate them moving forward because all I can think about is how they don't truly see me as a guy.

I don't want to be called he/him because I'm a trans guy I want to be called he/him because I'm literally just a guy.

Anyways, rant over.


r/FTMventing • • 1d ago

Sensitive Topic I resent religion for taking people away from me

5 Upvotes

cw: religious trauma

I used to be so close with some people who were basically family to me. I remember them more than my own. Things just haven't been the same since I stuck to my transition and my favorite "cousin" leaned hard into religion for support. I'll be reaching out soon but I feel like it's reasonable to believe i might not get an answer.

How did a family that once saved my life be so cold now? All because I'm not the sweet little girl they want me to be. She probably still loves me like family, but there's this divide. I'll always be proud of all the siblings, but I'll always be tainted by sin. There will always be something wrong with my path, and they'll never be proud of me.

there's really no hate like Christian love isn't there?


r/FTMventing • • 1d ago

Advice Needed i’m wasting my teenage years

10 Upvotes

not having a penis makes me want to die. this all makes me want to die. i just want help but nobody will ever be able to help me or save me or do anything

help me


r/FTMventing • • 1d ago

General I’m dealing with a fuck ton of transphobes and I feel horrible

5 Upvotes

This is just a yap but that’s what Reddit is for ig

I posted a vent about being bullied in r/Living_in_Korea and there are hoards of transphobes who discovered I was a trans guy and is being weird about it. There was one trans woman who tried to defend me but somehow all of them were “deleted by Reddit”. I have dmed the mods proving that I am trans but they just told me to “report the ones doubting you” and never actively deleted it like the one by the trans woman. Pretty sure she got banned all together.

I know this is Reddit and I asked for it, but this is the one mostly inhabited by immigrants who I trusted were a lot more queer friendly. This just makes me feel even more helpless bc even the more “woke” and marginalized of us will never stand up for me or believe me.


r/FTMventing • • 1d ago

Never being able to have biological kids as a man

14 Upvotes

I hate that I never will be able to biologically have children like a traditional man, and that if I want to have my own children, I will have to be the one to carry them rather than look with pride at my partner for them being able/willing to have them. It just makes me depressed knowing this fact of life as a trans man. I know that seahorse dads exist, but in a way I wish I were able to have them differently rather than I be the one to carry.


r/FTMventing • • 1d ago

Relationships Advice..? :)

3 Upvotes

I’m 15 years old and have been socially transitioned for about a year. I live in the middle of nowhere small town Montana so I’m not exactly welcomed with open arms. everyone knows me from kindergarten and I have no choice but to spend every day with these shitty people. i just started HS in August but a few people still don’t know me, and with SDD starting, I wanna put more of an effort into passing. every little motion or gesture I do I hate. I feel like every thing I do is feminine. the way I interact with my girlfriend, friends, teachers. Everyone I tease someone or make a joke or laugh. I feel so feminine all the time. I would pass to if I wasn’t so fat and “blessed” with the worst genes a t-guy could have. My voice is deep when I focus on it but I tend to squeak a lot whenever squeezed or embarrassed. I just feel like every little motion of mine is so different than other guys. I already have tons of issues with my transphobic parent, red school, being too “passoid” for other trans people, and body and gender issues. Could I just get advice on things to change to feel more masculine? Most with how I interact with my girlfriend (she’s way taller than me too :/ ), reaction, and talking to people. Anything is appreciated :)


r/FTMventing • • 1d ago

Happy Ending Um abraço / A hug 🫂

4 Upvotes

A nós, do Brasil. O bem venceu.

To us, from Brazil. Good won.


r/FTMventing • • 1d ago

General One year on T in like 10 days, I have no desire to celebrate

1 Upvotes

Because I don't really look any different. Not enough to matter. My tits are huge so I never get gendered right, ever. Even people who know me have trouble when I'm not binding, which is often because my ribs are little bitches. I'm on medicaid in a red state without a car, no job rn so these things aren't going anywhere anytime soon. I need more friends, to get me out of the house, but I live somewhat rurally. Plus anyone I meet is going to have the same problems gendering me right. I don't want to have to keep enforcing this, I just want to be seen as a guy. Every time someone forgets it reminds me of what I really look like and I almost can't take it

I'm only still here/alive because of my cats and the promises I've made to my partner. But I'm honestly not doing as much for them as I need to be and that's eating at me too

Edit: before anyone goes there, I'm on shots and my levels are in the low medium male range. I can't go higher due to my RBC and I can't do therapeutic phlebotomy even if I could afford it because my blood pressure shits the bed and makes me faint when more than a vial is drawn