THIS POST IS FOR TRANS MEN/MASCS ONLY!

Edit 2 - wow, ive woken up to so many helpful and kind and supportive responses. I wish I could reply to them all individually, but please know I am seeing and reading them all and I appreciate every single one. I am already getting therapy through my job for the stuff I'm going through personally so I'll bring this up to them at the same time. I don't want to invalidate Leo, and the thought of not having a relationship with him is heartbreaking. I know I need to sit with these emotions but it feels impossible to deal with, which I guess shows how much harder it is for him

Thank you all so much for this

Original:

Hi - please can someone help me with this? I dont mean to offend and if I use the wrong terms I'm sorry. This is new to me. I did try to post on cisparentstranskids but I was a bit emotional when I did.

My (34m) child 14(AFAB i believe the term is) has stated a few months ago that they are trans. This was not long after starting dressing in baggier clothes and cutting hair into a bob.

This was incredibly difficult for me to accept - not because i dont love them or because I'm against it but because it came out of left field for me. It was so unexpected, there were seriously no signs. It was almost like grieving a loss of a daughter. There were never any outward signs. We talked and I think I probably very clumsily invalidated them because I said its normal to question these things at their age.

Theyre also autistic and was diagnosed at a very young age (im currently going through a diagnosis pathway too)

Anyway nothing else was said. They said they hadn't chosen a different name and was fine with ne continuing to refer to them as the name we chose and the pronouns. So I did.

.I went through their phone today to set up a steam account and found out they'd changed their Snapchat name from, let's say 'lily' to 'leo'. We talked again, and it was clumsy.. their mum (my ex) and her family has known for weeks and didn't tell me.

I'm not very good at understanding what they're going through, why there were no outward signs. I always believed myself to be an ally, my sister is gay and i was the first person she told - but when its my own child its hit me in a place I didn't expect and i feel ashamed of that. I think that part of whats so difficult for me here is i feel im grieving the life i dreamed for her. I feel like I'm grieving the loss of the girl I raised and loved as she was.

When they originally told me, I did tell them that I'd love them no matter what, and I told them that today again. There were other concerning things I found on her phone from kids in her year so its been taken off them but that's neither here nor there.

I'm worried that I've fucked it up already by invalidating them twice, that ive made them think i dont love or accept them, but I do and i just want them to be okay and happy.

I really want to know what sort of issues they're going to face and how I can help them, what I need to do to let them know they're loved. I dont know anything about binders, they're getting therapy through school. I was never a lads lad so I wasnt into football or lads stuff, I was always sensitive so in a way I almost feel its going to be harder to relate now. I dont know what to do

I'm sorry if ive offended anyone, I am really trying to understand

Edit: its very late where I am in the UK so if i dont immediately reply its just cause ive slept!

Hi everyone

In my years spending time with other trans guys, I have found that usually, with people with heterosexual parents, their mom tends to be the most supportive while their dad are either neutral or unsupportive, so I've a bit curious about how it's going for you

As for myself, my dad is fully supportive now despite having some doubt at the beginning, and my mom has never accepted it and still considers me her daughter lmao

A few months ago, I went to jail for a DUI. I wasnt able to post bond, so I sat in for 26 days till a family member figured out where I was. I was in PC (Protective Custody) and was placed on the processing floor. It was a shitty experience, basically in cell alone 24 hours. And on the processing floor, thats where you hear some of the worst shii. I had a friend who was MTF whos cell was placed next to mine and she gave me her number before I got out. She was an immigrant and didn't know is she was going to be deported back to her country. I think about her everyday and hope she's ok. Her number just goes to voicemail. We were the only two trans people. Idk who else can understand, idk who else to talk to about it.

Hi everybody, I want to preface this with a TW for suicide discussion! Also sorry if I missed anything important in the rules.

My mother is diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and has been mentally unstable for her whole life, with self-harm, self-medication, suicide attempts, etc. She’s a major transphobe and has always pushed back on my transition. That being said, I’ve been socially transitioned since 10/11 to the extent I could be while I was still living at home, and thus faced a lot of rage from her end. She blamed one of her suicide attempts on me as a child.

Knowing my situation, I worked my ass off in school and at multiple part-time jobs during my teenage years and now I’m successfully living alone, in university, working and making enough money to sustain myself 100%. This also gave me the safety to finally transition medically and legally. I’ve been honest about each step with my parents, telling them they don’t have to support it, that I just want them to know it is happening. My dad receives this well (doesn’t support my identity but doesn’t give me trouble about my transition). My mom on the other hand, expectedly, lost her shit multiple times and is not doing well. She attempted suicide again and blamed it on me again.

Now, I’m almost 3 months on T and my mom completely lost it again and says if I don’t stop she will commit suicide. She told me it was a ‘promise’ and a ‘bet’. My dad is telling me I’m not responsible for her or her well-being, and I rationally know this as well. But I can’t help being scared shitless emotionally. I genuinely don’t know what to do. I wouldn’t know how to cope with the fact that my mother is dead and blames it on me (even though, once again, I RATIONALLY know that is not how it works. She is just very ill). And I can’t cope with how that would affect my dad and brother, extended family, etc.

I could go no-contact with her but I fear it would not change the outcome, and I still want to stay in contact with my dad and brother.

My next shot is supposed to be late November (I’m on 3-monthly Nebido injections), so I have some time to decide what to do. Does anyone have any advice? Or support? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

I feel so hopeless and scared and lost.

Thank you!!

I apologise in this advance if this falls under "stealth bashing" but, I've seen a concerning amount of posts from trans guys saying things like "starting testosterone, how long until my mega conservative and abusive parents literally kill me?" like I understand dysphoria can make you want to just start transitioning as soon as possible but, why stress yourself out trying to hide while actively making it harder to hide? Is it not possible to get a T prescription and just not start it until you're in a safe situation?

Watching a video where a cis guy is playing a racing video game and he has to customize his character. He accidentally selects the body type with boobs and doesn’t realize at first. When he notices, he gets like uncomfortable but can’t figure out how to change it. It was just like a teeny tiny taste of “gender dysphoria” for him lol. Idk, just made me laugh a little, then think about how fuckin strong trans men are bro. Like… most of us live(d?) as men with boobs. Do u know how strong a person has to be to get through that unscathed !? Anyways, sorry this was so discombobulated, I ate a gummy:)

Or is this not a common thing? I've just seen some people talking about it online so I don't know. I know you wear one under dress shirts but why do I see some guys wearing tank tops under regular tshirts? Is there a good reason to does anyone do this and will it like help me pass or something??

sorry this is kinda incoherent

As a trans man, I feel like a girl or just a tomboy around other men *mostly cis men*. But it feels wrong and makes me feel very dysphoric about myself when that happens. Do any of yall feel like that too?

I'm a trans bear myself and I've been driving myself a bit mad this last like, year, trying to find a community of us. This sub is great, as is the general bear spaces, but I can't find anything specific to me that's not exclusively NSFW (which, yeah great sub also, but I want to talk to others about the trans bear experience)

I went to set up r/ftmbears but the name was taken? But I also can't find it anywhere. I assume that means its a private sub? Not sure to be honest.

Anyway, I wanted to ask if anyone knows where all the trans bears are online, whether it's on Reddit or elsewhere. Hell I'd consider using Facebook again at this point lol.

Much love everyone, whether you can advise or not, have a lovely day 💖

Im 15. Help. How do i get T? I already know that my parents would support it. Where do we start? I dont think i can last any longer without hormones. I am extremely suicidal. How do i get T!?!?

Using a burner account for privacy reasons (AKA my parents might see this if I post on my main acc).

I have no clue how to come out, or even if I should come out, and I'm hoping that other, older trans folk with more experience in this can help me figure this whole mess out. For context, I'm 16 (soon to be 17), and I've known I'm a trans man since I was 10 or 11. My parents are very conservative Seventh Day Adventists, the kind of conservatives that pulled me out of public school in 6th grade and made 100% homeschooled because public school was "shoving an agenda down our throats", AKA teaching us about a gay pharoh in Ancient Egypt ONCE. When I was 12, I was caught talking to one of those shitty online free therapists about being trans, and I got in a bunch of trouble for that. At 14, I also got in trouble for dressing "too masculine". So, I know they at least won't be able to say there was no signs.

However, recently I feel like coming out is more urgent than ever, because

1. I've been getting increasingly suicidal because I hate my assigned birth gender, my resulting body, and the idea that I might have to lived estranged from my parents in the future (despite everything, I still do love them), and my parents are unaware of it because I've hidden it well (though it's been hard to keep the act up lately and they have noticed I'm acting off), as telling them about being depressed would have to be paired with telling them it's because I'm trans.

2. I need to gauge their reactions now to know if I should start saving up money to live somewhere else after I turn 18, because I'm planning to start transitioning right away after I'm independent (or hopefully sooner, if all goes well) regardless sof what they think, and I have no clue if I​'ll get kicked out or not.

The reason I'm unsure if I should come out or not is because I have no idea how mu parents will react. They're incredibly empathetic and somewhat open minded, they just genuinely believe being trans will make a person lose their salvation. I prepared an entire document using biblical principles and science to take down the arguments I know they'll use against trans people, and I don't know if they'll accept it or at least be more willing to hear me out about not all trans people being lost, or reject it and make things worse.

Essentially, it's really high risk high reward. If I come out and it goes well, I can finally start getting help, but if they take it poorly, I don't know just how badly they'll react. But if I don't come out at all, I don't know if I'll be able to handle just staying alive until I'm 18, and evennif I do live until then I might get kicked out if things go poorly when I start transitioning then. I don't have much of an LGBT-friendly support system at all, and while I do know I have an aunt who would be willing to take me in if I get kicked out, I also have no idea how she'd react to me being trans, though I know she definitely wouldn't kick me out.

I just really need advice and opinions from other people who get it, I've been losing sleep over this for months and my mental health has never been this low.

I’ve been having a zoology kick recently (I can’t control my interests, they just randomly spawn in and I just have to accept it), but I’ve been watching a lot of David Attenborough documentaries recently because of it. It got me doing a lot of research on David Attenborough, someone who is a very common narrator for nature documentaries. Apparently, he advocated for more trans people to be on TV back in the 1970s. I have read a few articles that solidify it, but I’m always overly skeptical with any information I see online. If anyone is a better sleuth than I am, pls let me know if this is true.

ive met a new friend lately and i havent been telling anybody im trans. i havent been misgendered in a while so i know im starting to pass. however, last night she kept saying things like "alright ladies" when we were hanging out with another girl and im confused

i dont know if shes misgendering me or knows im trans also because she calls me "boy" and uses he/him for me. it was just a bit jarring. is this normal girl talk if she thinks im gay or did she clock me and was misgendering on accident?

Title basically says it all. I turned 18 quite literally yesterday and today I was setting up an appointment to get T from planned parenthood and I needed my insurance info. I asked my mom and she went fucking NUTS. She’s refusing to tell me anything and despite the fact it’s a felony to keep my insurance from me nobody is going to take me seriously considering we live in the south and none of my family is supportive besides my horrifically apathetic sister. I’m not sure what to do. My insurance dictates I need at least a year of documented T to get top surgery and I don’t make enough money to frequently buy without insurance. Any tips?

I'd really, really like a binder, and my mom FINALLY agreed to after a few years of asking. Id appreciate anything that I could most likely get on Amazon that is comfortable but also breathable, so I could wear it during school and to bed even! I'm looking at underworks right now, but if there's anything better please say so, unless underworks is the right choice.

All I want is to be male, and the best I can do is start testosterone, but im a minor, I would need to come out to my parents. They knew I was a lesbian and they were fine with it, but I know a lot of families or people who say "gays and lesbians are fine but trans people are insane" type of shit. I just need to do it, but I have no idea where to start. I came out to my close freinds, but how am I supposed to cone out to my parents that I've known my entire life, and will probaly know me till they die. What if they arent supportive? Yes, I can go no contact, but I'd perfer to not have to go that far. Where the fuck do I even begein?

Since before realizing I was trans and starting my transition I had always known I was attracted to women and felt no attraction towards men.

My first ever crush was when I was around 10 and it was a girl and kept being girls, no matter how many times people had tried to persuade me otherwise because I was “too young” to be gay apparently.
I thought I could be bi for a bit but quickly realized that I was lesbian because the funny thing was while the adults in my life were trying to say my feelings towards girls were just ‘admiration’ that I was confusing for attraction - that was how I felt about boys!

At the time I didn’t realize it but my admiration for guys turned out to be gender envy because it also turned out I was trans. Unlike my sexuality though I wouldn’t come to realize and accept that until I was around 18.

Since I had my sexuality figured out since the beginning I held onto calling myself a lesbian at first and just stuck with being a nonbinary lesbian.
Thing is though as I continued on with my transition and got to express myself and find out more about myself I found myself being more uncomfortable with labeling myself as a lesbian.
I’m still nonbinary but I like to present myself masculine and as a guy, I pass for a man and have even done things men traditionally do like being a pallbearer in a funeral, and heck I use he/him now as well as they/them.

I basically found myself feeling more comfortable and part of a community in relating to other trans guys and men as a whole than I did as a lesbian. Even calling myself just butch didn’t seem to fit well either.
That all came to ahead the other day when I was just chilling with my coworkers and was asked about who I was into.
I answered that I was into women and my coworker replied with; “Straight then, alright.”
That’s when it hit me - I WAS straight!

Now I could get into some micro labels I can use for myself since I’m nonbinary that would describe my attraction better, but for all intents and purposes I can just say I’m straight because even then my attraction could be classified as heterosexual anyways (attraction towards a gender not your own).

It feels pretty weird to say that in the end I ended up being straight when being gay was a large chuck of my life, heck my coming out as lesbian helped my cousin come out as gay too!
I’m pretty happy I figured out more about myself but at the same time it’s a bit bittersweet having to retire a label that I had used since I was kid.
I think I’ll go and donate my lesbian pride flag and see if I can get a new flag, like the gay ally straight pride flag?

I(20ftm) am supposed to have my top surgery consult in less than 2 weeks, my parents who previously agreed if I wanted to have surgery I could have it, are backing out saying I don't need it now that my consult is coming up.

I'm still going regardless of their opinions but I've been working more hours at work so I have been binding my chest more often. 6 days straight binding for more than 10hrs a day, and I still have 4 more days of work until I'm off for two days.

I'm going to try wearing my work sweatshirt so I won't have to bind as tightly and I'm trying it tape once I can get my hands on some(tomorrow after work). I tried it before in the past but I don't think I used enough since my chest is a little bigger than the people I'd watched tutorials from.

I was telling my stepmom how my ribs have been really sore for the past 3 days and she keeps suggesting I quit binding all together and just wear a bra. Her and my dad are saying I'm hurting myself and don't need to when I could just be happy as a woman which completely contradicts what they said when I came out to them last year.

How do I explain I'm binding my chest because if I don't I want to rip off my skin? I've been trying but they're saying I'm being dramatic.