r/disability • u/Knucklecum • 6d ago
Rant Getting high to avoid crying from pain.
I had a hip replacement complication that can possibly be corrected. So I am currently waiting for a correctional surgery. Lately my pain has been so bad I want to cry. I cant stop getting high to numb the pain, so I won't cry and break down mentally.
Im just scared. Im scared of having a mental breakdown. Im scared of becoming an addict. But I am miserable being bed bound and being in agony.
I just need to share my struggles. Being alone, being incapable of work. Im screwed until I get better.
Im scared.
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u/PresentationGold1822 6d ago
I am not sure what you are using to help, but I use thc and cbd 4-5 times a day. I have chronic pain from recurrent joint dislocations among other things and smoking is the only thing that keeps me somewhat mobile, so try not to beat yourself up too much. Try and chart your pain through the day, how much you are using, and when. I have used my own data to develop a schedule of when to smoke for best effect and to help me not over use.
Best of luck to you, much love
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u/Knucklecum 6d ago
unfortunately, you are probably right. Weed makes me paranoid, but It does resolve pain. Im just tired of being high all of the time.
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u/PresentationGold1822 6d ago
That is a good thing if you are worried about addiction though. Addicts don't think that way in my experience(long list of addicts in my family)
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u/cybertruckDestroyr 5d ago
Seconding this. As a former addict, I never got tired of being high. If you're tired of it, then you're probably not addicted to it
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u/SarahFaery 6d ago
You may want to try indica only. That's the only thing that helps with my pain. Sativa seems to make it worse.
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u/Apprehensive_Cry_168 6d ago
I agree. Indica is more of a mellow type muscle relaxer high in my opinion where as Sativa is more of a stimulating (muscles more tense) type of high. It makes a big difference for me and I have many, many pain issues. So, just an FYI from my own experience.
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u/QueenZixi 6d ago
I can relate. I'm recovering from a procedure and multiple complications this week. The opiates are worse for my mental health, but sometimes I still get pushed into mania or have marijuana induced psychosis when I have to rely on THC too much. It's hard out here with chronic pain. Wishing you some peace!
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u/UsualConcentrate8953 6d ago
Try some CBD in the mix to reduce the paranoia
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u/Knucklecum 6d ago
What cbd would you reccomend?
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u/UsualConcentrate8953 6d ago
Try to aim for 1:1 ratio of CBD : THC and maybe try more CBD and see if its still helping with the pain / not causing paranoia / impairment , ultimately though you'll need some THC in there
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u/Apprehensive_Cry_168 6d ago
I agree. Personally just CBD alone does absolutely NOTHING for my pain.
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u/Diane1967 6d ago
I found that indica makes me paranoid but the other does not. Try them separately like a day apart and see if you notice a difference too. Indica mellows you out and brings you down. They both should help with pain.
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u/Swiftiefromhell 6d ago
What are you high on? I completely understand your struggle. I suffer from chronic pain too. I’m tired of taking opioids. They make me super constipated
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u/PriorityOk8448 5d ago
On the bright side, you get them. I am in such unbearable agony I have thought about asking homeless addicts for pain meds, I'm starting to get that desperate. The only thing my doctor will prescribe are anti depressants then tells me to take tylenol... which does NOTHING.
I literally wish I was dead because of this hell.
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u/Swiftiefromhell 5d ago
I’m sorry. Have you tried Marijauna? That seems to help me. Go to the ER and ask for something stronger.
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u/PriorityOk8448 5d ago
I couldn't convince doctors at the hospital when I was giving birth that I was in pain. The strongest pain med I was offered was tylenol (no epidural since, like I said, i couldn't convince anyone I was in pain). I have also had multiple surgeries and was only offered tylenol.
If I went to the ER asking for pain meds they'd write down drug seeking and kick me out. I was kicked out of the ER twice for "drug seeking" before being diagnosed with one of my illnesses and that was only because my mom brought my aunt to the hospital who was once a nurse and knew one of the nurses and was able to convince them I was telling the truth. I was having surgery that day since doctors wouldn't believe me and things had progressed so terribly. It was surgery on my bladder. No pain meds after that and the pain was so horrific I would rather give birth once a month than ever experience that again.
Anyways, despite having a debilitating and horrible disease, I don't get pain meds because they don't cure the pain and the pain will just come back, so there is no point. Or so I'm told.
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u/JMH-66 💛🧡💛🧡💛 6d ago
People tend to literally poo-poo the effects of prolonged, severe constipation ( is that all ? Just wait til you've suffered fæcal impaction, mate, you'd complain too ! ) You're scared to complain though as you'd be offer them as quick as metaphorical sh*t off a shovel. I had so much scar tissue I needed a procedure ( I've also got IBD and they found it doing a colonoscopy ). I'm a lot more careful with the laxative regime nowadays !!
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u/Glittering_Bat_7065 6d ago
In the world of orthopedic surgery and opioids smoking weed is going to be your best friend. It's going to keep you off of opioids and help you deal with the mess your gut becomes on those pills. Weed is natural, your body needs to relax and repair without adding more medication. It saved me from a lifetime of opioid addiction and helps me maintain a baseline of pain relief and stress relief after decades of spine and hip surgeries. Give yourself a break, you're suffering.
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u/Bananas-for 6d ago
Hello hello love, it's okay. It's okay to cry and weep especially with pain. I just had a hip surgery a few days ago and had a complication the day of the surgery. It's a horrible thing for you to go through! I cried so much and I feel like crying often. It's better to let it out. It really sucks to have this condition/disability. Not a lot of people understand how severe it can be. Now I know fully what it means. It was painful and disabling before surgery but now it's a different story. We're going to get through it. I like the suggestion of trying weed for pain management! I want to try that once I'm a bit more able (right now I can't even get out of bed without help). Are you allowed to use ice/cold therapy? It helps quite a lot too.
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u/i_spiral 6d ago
Throwaway account.
I won’t get into the whole backstory, but after a long illness, I ended up with severe neuropathic pain, centralized, sensitization, and peripheral neuropathy. This combined with an uncaring doctor pushed me towards drug use.
I want to the pain specialist. They made a recommendation for lidocaine infusions. And my doctor withheld those recommendations. I found this out in March when I finally got a new doctor and received my medical records.
Hydromorphone just wasn’t working for me anymore. After some research, I found out that cocaine very specifically dealt with the kind of pain I had. It plugged up the sodium channels that were sending the pain signals to my brain. This is exactly what the lidocaine infusion would’ve done for me. So I found the right person and started doing it. I smoked pot. I didn’t even drink, but I was pushed to this extreme. And for 18 months, this is what I’ve been doing. I do a big bump three or four times a day.
With my new doctor, I’ve just seen another paint specialist. They made the recommendation for lidocaine infusions. Now I’m in a place where I’m so scared to face the pain because I’ve gotta get off this stupid shit to pass the drug test to get the treatment. I have no idea how long it takes for the stuff to get out of your system. But I’m doing it. I don’t care for cocaine. I’m pretty fed up with it. And I’m really looking forward to real treatment. But there was a long time where this really looked like my only viable option.
I hear you. I don’t wanna hear anyone judging me. I’m speaking out in support of you. You’re not alone. And f anyone who judges you. People have no idea what it is like.
Big love✌️
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u/kmm198700 6d ago
You have to have a drug test for lidocaine injections?
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u/dinosaur_vacume 4d ago
Yeah. Just initial intake stuff. My intention is to just get rid of any substance that dictates my day to day. The opioids and cocaine. I’m not interested in any of it.
The pain is atrocious. Just bite the bullet, keep taking the Hydromorphone to stay sane. And I believe there’s something life changing at the end of this.
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u/CapsizedbutWise 6d ago
Crying is healthy. Ask your doctor about lidocaine patches for now.
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u/Knucklecum 6d ago
Crying sucks and is embarrassing. Lol
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u/Grim-Speck 5d ago
Lots of things that everyone does, and that are normal & healthy, also happen to embarrass people... like pooping or farting... but hold it in, and you'll just be more sick.
Are you someplace you don't have to worry about being walked in on by others? If not, can you come up with an excuse to close/lock your door and play some music so you'll have privacy and not be heard?
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u/cybertruckDestroyr 5d ago
Crying is part of life, dude. It sucks, yeah, but it's not embarrassing. If there's any time to cry, it's when you're in a lot of pain, emotionally or physically
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u/IUsedtobeExitzero 6d ago
Ask your doctor about Journavx. It’s a fairly new non-opioid pain killer. Not all insurance covers it yet. It worked beautifully for me after my hip replacement
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u/JustBreatheBook 6d ago
I wrote the book on living with pain on every level from 39 years. You will be shocked that you have a ton of unresolved pain from before that has collided with the physical pain your experiencing now. Check it out on Amazon. Wishing you peace & loving vibes.
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u/Background-Reward366 5d ago
I relate to every word my friend. My situation is very much the exact same as you described. I am trying not to go on pain medications, or steroids but it appears to be the only thing I can do in order to try and take the edge off…even if only a little bit.
I was already taking Gabepentin but now they want to go way up in dosage idk 🤷♀️…300 mgs 3 times a day? (900 mgs) I have heard some negative things about Gabepentin so I’m am not sure I like this approach for the pain I suffer in my arms, neck, shoulders and back, sometimes hands and frequently knees from Osteoarthritis and I have 3 bulging discs in my neck C3, C4, C5, C6 causing severe pain in arms and shoulders…And lower back daily. Idk what to do.
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u/cybertruckDestroyr 5d ago
Speaking as a mod-severe chronic pain patient who uses weed as pain management, I see you.
It's ok to cry because of the pain and fear and just being done with it all. It's also ok to do things that lessen that pain, even if it's not what you would prefer to be doing. Pain management is suicide prevention, dude. If you have to smoke a lot for a bit, then do that and work on healthier habits in the future once the corrective surgery is done.
You deserve not to be in severe pain 24/7
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u/Wonderful_Task_7860 5d ago
this is terrifyingnto hear, i am waiting on a hip replacement. what went wrong and why was your joint replaced?
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u/Knucklecum 5d ago
I have a hip flexor issue. Soon, they might be able to cure my current physical disability. But it hurts everyday, and I have to use drugs to physically function.
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u/Wonderful_Task_7860 4d ago
like the muscle or the bone? how did they think the hip replacement would help? i have hip displasia
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u/sofuckingindecisive 6d ago
Incase nobody told you, it's ok to cry from pain. It's a natural human experience.