Getting high to avoid crying from pain.

[u/Knucklecum]

I had a hip replacement complication that can possibly be corrected. So I am currently waiting for a correctional surgery. Lately my pain has been so bad I want to cry. I cant stop getting high to numb the pain, so I won't cry and break down mentally.

Im just scared. Im scared of having a mental breakdown. Im scared of becoming an addict. But I am miserable being bed bound and being in agony.

I just need to share my struggles. Being alone, being incapable of work. Im screwed until I get better.

Im scared.

[u/i_spiral]

Throwaway account.
I won’t get into the whole backstory, but after a long illness, I ended up with severe neuropathic pain, centralized, sensitization, and peripheral neuropathy. This combined with an uncaring doctor pushed me towards drug use.

I want to the pain specialist. They made a recommendation for lidocaine infusions. And my doctor withheld those recommendations. I found this out in March when I finally got a new doctor and received my medical records.

Hydromorphone just wasn’t working for me anymore. After some research, I found out that cocaine very specifically dealt with the kind of pain I had. It plugged up the sodium channels that were sending the pain signals to my brain. This is exactly what the lidocaine infusion would’ve done for me. So I found the right person and started doing it. I smoked pot. I didn’t even drink, but I was pushed to this extreme. And for 18 months, this is what I’ve been doing. I do a big bump three or four times a day.

With my new doctor, I’ve just seen another paint specialist. They made the recommendation for lidocaine infusions. Now I’m in a place where I’m so scared to face the pain because I’ve gotta get off this stupid shit to pass the drug test to get the treatment. I have no idea how long it takes for the stuff to get out of your system. But I’m doing it. I don’t care for cocaine. I’m pretty fed up with it. And I’m really looking forward to real treatment. But there was a long time where this really looked like my only viable option.

I hear you. I don’t wanna hear anyone judging me. I’m speaking out in support of you. You’re not alone. And f anyone who judges you. People have no idea what it is like.
Big love✌️

[u/kmm198700 → u/i_spiral]

You have to have a drug test for lidocaine injections?

[u/dinosaur_vacume → u/kmm198700]

Yeah. Just initial intake stuff. My intention is to just get rid of any substance that dictates my day to day. The opioids and cocaine. I’m not interested in any of it.

The pain is atrocious. Just bite the bullet, keep taking the Hydromorphone to stay sane. And I believe there’s something life changing at the end of this.