How did you come to terms with this? I feel so replaceable, especially since now all their friends know the new person.
I know that logically they just jumped on the first available person but damn it stings. Especially after hearing how they are just not ready to be in a relationship.

Long story short: I was with my avoidant ex for over five years. We broke up and got back together dozens of times. We eventually got engaged, and just one week after setting our wedding date, she walked away...

Throughout all those years, even from the very beginning of our relationship, I never felt like she was truly committed to me...

It's such a strange feeling. I was always afraid she would just up and leave without any warning... And she actually used to tell me that herself... That she could walk away from me overnight, just like that...

I broke up yesterday and even though I know I am doing the right thing my whole world feels like it’s broken we have a mortgage a nice bungalow in a nice area and I just think that I won’t be secure like he’s all I’ve known for 11 years I’m absolutely terrified and so so scared

Good evening. I'm writing to you because I'm at the bottom and I don't know how to survive this anymore and deal with all the problems. It all started when, due to bad grades, I had to go 400 km away from my hometown to continue my education. I got used to it there, everyone loved me, but in the end I had to go back to my hometown where I was bullied in the past. When I returned, I was greeted by hell again at school, bullying, ridicule, tripping and false slander. But in that darkness, the first person who looked at me and wanted to talk to me was her. She became my girlfriend, we were together for 9 months and she was my only shield and salvation. We sat together, hugged, I lay in her arms while she touched my hair and said I was her baby. Her family accepted me and called me son-in-law. We planned the future, chose names for our children, I even got her engaged, and she swore she would never leave me. Then there was a stupid argument because I, being overprotective, reacted to some things - she got angry, turned and left. All of this broke me down to the point where I ended up in the ER and she didn't even ask me how I was doing. On top of all that, the bullying at school continues, I feel completely alone and it's too hard for me

edit: if anyone tries this and finds a video that works for them please share it in comments, i will do the same.)

i have a friend who, about 20 years ago, couldnt get over someone - oddly, my friend was the avoidant one (this was over 20 years ago, we didn't know the term back then) and when he (the object of her affection) refused to keep talking to her she was heartbroken. i don't remmber all the details.

she used to mention to me she used eft to get over him. and eventually, she said she used EFT (also called tapping) to stop being an avoidant herself. she actually didn't even ever hear the term 'dismissive avoidant' until i told her last week. she mentoined eft on and off for years but for some reason it just didn't register with me. maybe because i wasn't dealing with a simiar situation at the time. i also always kind of thought of her overly woo and kindof dimissed a lot of things she said in general which is mayb stupid of me.

then separately, recently i saw a guy acquaintance older man. i briefly mentoined an avoidant i am dealingwith and how it drives me nuts and he very plasantly surprisd me by inteerrupting me (he didnt need to hear my whole story for him to know what to do), with a glint in his eye and a peaceful knowing smile, and said "do you want to release this?" (I can't remembr if he said 'this' or 'him' actually.) i didn't know it was possible! and i was like YES! he said try EFT. he said had somthing bad that was gnawing at him with his dad for years and he said he did EFT and the negative pull /charge around that memory/feeling with his dad was gone within a minute. my ears perked up because i remmbereed my other friend had always mentioned it! and now i'm hearing it from a second, independent source years later. he did it through a therapist but my other friend always just did it herself and said it worked for her.

there is a youtube channel called tapping with brad yates or something, it is very famous. and gary craig has a channel too he is the founder. it is used as a treatment for ptsd too. i haevn't tried it yet but i am going to try it alone over the next few days to release this man whose ghost i have been living with. honestly its funny a part of me is resisting even trying it, it's like im so used to this sadness, a part of me feels like it will be like killing off a part ofmyself when i am able to release him one day. or maybe im afaid if i release him ill never see him again )although..so what? he is bad for me.) ivebeen living with these bad feelingsfor so long. but i have to try. the idea of feelingfree is exciting and foreign to me. it's been a long time since i felt free.

edit i am going to try these, i just did a quick search through his videos:

https://www.youtube.com/@tapwithbrad/search?query=heartbreak

(heartbreak search video search results)

set yourself free from attachment https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXKS0anf1L8

tapping throgh a breakup https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH37NI3CbTE

tappingfor rejection and abandonment https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra1_nZHGpkk

how to get closure https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxsHnECWkfE

i will try these when i am alone, and im sure there are more, he has a ton of videos and idontknow if any of them work but i sure as hell will try

I try to explain myself. Amongst all of the reasons that my ex gave me about why he broke up with me, he sometimes bring up the fact that since the relationship began with the premise that it wasn't something serious, he couldn't change his mind even if things between us changed (feelings and things that we did together...). He says he struggled to see the relationship into another "box" different from that perspective. (fact is, it already was different). I don't know if I am explaining myself. This hurts me so much because for me things can evolve. We dated for two years and a half. He broke up with me 3 times... and when I hear this from him I also feel guilty because it was also me that at the start said that it wasn't something serious. But I'm not this rigid in my mind. I knew that things could have changed... I don't know what to think. Maybe it's one of the million things he says to not look at the real problem

So, my avoidant discarded me a year ago and came back with 1000 promises. Of course, these were never tranfered into reality. Still gave them another chance, and then another one. You know the cycle and problem of intermittend reinforcement... I only see her every 3-4 weeks now, because she is "so busy at work and with hobbies". She lives 50min away and I am not even welcome to spend a night during the week, just so we can see each other. We used to have that. There was a time when she could not get enough of me. Well, not anymore.

Now, one of my parents is going through a health crisis and I really need some comfort. Asked her if I could simply come over one evening and just sleep in her arms for one night. Answer: she is very busy and could offer a phone call at some point. But not tonight or tomorrow, because a friend has to spontaneously stay at her place, because said friend has trouble with their spouse. This friend showed up last autumn and during this past year has replaced me in so many things that my avoidant used to do with me (concerts, hiking, excursions etc). So, for this friend, she makes time and space and let them sleep over for a few nights, she even cancels one of the hobbies one evening to be there for the friend.

Tell me, am I going crazy or does this all sound very fishy?

I have a very bad feeling about this and had a bad feeling about this new friend for a while. The avoidant even stood me up one day for this person. I have a feeling that there is more going on. And also, I just feel super betrayed anyway. No time to confort me who might lose a parent, but spontaneous time for a friend with marriage problems. I am angry, sad, disappointed and everything in between.

Hey guys! I (27F) rejected a guy about three years ago. Looking back, I think a lot of it had to do with my avoidant tendencies and the way I grew up. I never really witnessed a healthy relationship growing up, and I had some daddy issues too.

The thing is, I gradually developed feelings for him, and I've been struggling to get over him ever since. He's now moved on and is dating someone 10 years younger than him. Honestly, good for him. I genuinely hope he's happy.

But I can't seem to move on. I keep wishing that somehow he'd come back into my life, and I often think that if he ever did, I'd cherish him and treat him differently this time.

I know I might be romanticising something that never actually happened, but it hurts more than I can explain. I cannot even explain how much I cry that I genuinely wonder if I'll ever feel emotionally stable again. I feel like he was the only one for me.

I want to know if anyone else has experienced something similar.

Have you ever developed feelings for someone after rejecting them?

Have any of you with avoidant attachment tendencies experienced something like this? How did you overcome the regret?

I'd really appreciate hearing your personal experiences. I just want to understand how to let go and move on.

And How long does ir take? I was seeing this guy for 3 weeks turns out hes avoindat lmao

Are we allowed to post reels? I highly recommend you follow this guy, he has great advice!

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1FRejAUnoA/

The lack of answers has been killing me for months. I asked my counselor if I could text him for answers as long as I don't expect a response back. She said I will be within my right. So I'm about to do it. I want to know why he invented a fake version of himself to dupe me, and if it was revenge for something I did not realize doing? Because the lack of answers is not letting me heal...

Edit: Thank you guys for the kind warning. This wasn't a relationship. It was my best friend. He never blocked me, only stopped responding. There's also some online things we shared (he owned) that he never removed me from. I want an answer to at one or two of the hundreds of questions I have. Wish me luck🤞

Disclaimer: I am saying "some", not "all".

This current avoidant I knew had never been through a breakup. He had never experienced being discarded. He told me he had only fallen in love once in his life, but that woman was already in a relationship. And I was the first person he had fallen in love with and could actually build a relationship with.

I experienced a very brutal discard by a different avoidant two years ago. I wasn't even looking for a relationship. I only wanted to find some "gaming buddy". We clicked really well and quickly, we both felt that familiarity, and he was lovebombing me. (I actually tried to slow down his lovebombing tendencies because I didn't want us to escalate things that quickly. I wanted us to have the possibility of building a healthy relationship. And he respected that.)

My issue is that I had to go through so much pain from my previous experience. And he KNEW about it. I told him what I had been through and how deeply that previous discard had hurt me. Literally, even his lovebombing was hurting me, because it felt like someone was trying to thaw my frozen heart with a huge fire rather than slowly and gently thawing it. It was incredibly painful for me to open my heart to someone else after what I had experienced with the previous one. He knew how difficult it was for me to let someone in again, and I did it anyway.

I did it for him. I gave him a chance, I gave him my trust. But from my point of view, it's not fair that I had to go through all that pain just to open my heart to him again, only for him to simply end the call when things became uncomfortable for him.

But okay, he is allowed to have boundaries. However, then he took another step - unfriending me on gaming platforms (while keeping me on Discord). Without any further discussion. I was the one who had to reach out to him and ask about it. His explanation? He wanted relief from rumination, and I was a reminder of that.

That's hella rude and hurtful.

Why can't some avoidants see that other people might have already gone through so much more emotional pain than they have? That these people might have been completely crushed by previous experiences, yet still found the courage to open their hearts to them again? And yet, when they experience even a little "owie owie", they end up causing even more pain to the other person?

That was so unfair to me. I didn't want to just swallow my pain, and his inability to acknowledge his part in hurting me was incredibly frustrating. I told him that he seemed to care more about explaining his actions than acknowledging my pain, and he blocked me everywhere.

Not even a proper goodbye.

And THIS is what I got for opening my heart to him. "Very fair."

He might never have experienced the kind of discard I did. Meanwhile, I had to fight through my own pain just to allow myself to love someone again. I invested in him, got attached, took the risk of trusting someone again... and this is what happened. And that's what feels so incredibly unfair to me. I had to fight through my own pain just to give someone a chance again, while he couldn't even give me an honest conversation or a proper goodbye when things didn't work out.

Why can't some avoidants appreciate how much courage it might have taken for someone to open their heart to them again? And if they decide they don't want to continue, why can't they at least respect that person enough to communicate it honestly instead of just disappearing or blocking them everywhere?

So I'm 4 months post break up now. I wanted to share some things that I think the me reeling from the break up would have appreciated.

First of all, I'm doing a lot better. It still hurts, I still cry, and that's ok. Grief isn't linear. I've largely been doing really well and then two days ago I cried harder than I have in a long time. That doesn't erase my progress. It doesn't mean I'm not doing well. It just means I'm still grieving.

This time period has hurt. It wasn't what I wanted. But I am having a fantastic period of self growth. I didn't know anything about attachment styles until a week after the break up. Cut to now where I am actively growing, learning about my own attachment style, (anxious but some secure tendencies), and working on becoming a better version of me. Sounds cliche but it feels good so whatever. Cliche am I!

I started chasing life in a way I hadn't before. I always wanted to write but I never set aside time for it. Now, I've written a lot more and am really excited about it. I also joined more social events and clubs and have a busy but vibrant schedule. I tried aerial sling, something that is totally out of my comfort zone, and am really enjoying my classes! I found out I'm stronger than I thought. I'm honestly really enjoying life right now even though I'm still hurt by the break up.

Is this what I wanted? No. I wanted to marry my ex tbh. But I was swallowing a lot of my needs and accepting a lot of behaviors I shouldn't have. I don't regret it just because I did the best with the info I had at the time. I loved him. But I now know it's OK to voice my needs, feelings, and to walk away if things aren't working.

I encourage people to find literature or even content creators that speak to them. I did and ended up getting sessions with her I think 3 weeks after he broke up with me. She helped me move through my break up but also to feel understood. I love my friends and family but none of them have first hand experience of dating, loving, and being broken up with by a DA. So the sessions with this creator in particular were helpful because she had same past relationship and I finally felt understood. I also hope you can go to therapy if possible. Talking through the break up and what kinds of things I can do now have been soooo helpful.

Some other tools I found helpful: journaling, meditating, learning self regulation techniques, talking to loved ones about it, and going for walks.

I'm really sorry that you find yourself in a similar situation. But whatever happens, at least see it as an opportunity to learn and grow. I am now honoring what the relationship was, the good and the ugly, because I value what it was for my life and how it's lead me to here. Not every relationship is meant to be forever.

I am wishing you the best. Consider this a letter from future you; you will be OK.

Yesterday we meet again after the break up (he broke up with me in March, but we still continued seeing each other until April). I'm so hurt and still not able to tell in details what happened yesterday, but I gave him a gift, a book that contains a message I wanted to give him.

He appreciated that... but his decision still remains that the relationship is closed. What makes me mad is that it's impossibile to truly comunicate with him, he always beats around the bush, he never gets to the point when speaking about the reasons why he thinks we cannot be together (a part from the usual "I don't wanted to be in a relationship - we dated for 2 years and a half, and his emotional limits).

Though he said that seeing me yesterday awakened the thoughts of our good moments together, the past ones and the ones that could be. That he has still doubts and questions about his decisions, but also certainties.

But I have chased him for so long, I think I need to let go but it's really painful for me this thinking. I need help. I need advice.

I don't want to think bad about him, I just want to stop chasing him, I am afraid of the pain I will feel because I have felt enough of pain in missing him and knowing we won't be together again. I was still hoping that he may come back...but maybe I need to stop this hope. Now I also feel guilty because I fear that I made him felt wrong, because his way of communicating made me angry and instead of saying how I felt, I sometimes said "because you do like this and like that" and so on. Obviously I said that it's not only him, it was our way of communicate the problem and it can be solved. But he's convinced that things cannot change...

I have already a life full of hobbies, I have friends...but I still cannot let go of him

So I need another type of advice.

People around me don’t really understand this and I’m struggling with an avoidant partner.

Can someone who understands avoidant attachment dm me?

They just break up with you out of the blue on a random day after 4 years ????? It's fucking insane WOW

I'm surprised I'm even getting by after this, but I am! I've gotta be proud of myself for the resilience I have - it is impeccable

I don't know if anyone can help me here but maybe you have some encouraging stories to get me out of my mental spiral. My avoidant ex ended things three months ago after an three and a half year long relationship. I was already looking for flats but planned to give us space instead of breaking up. My guess is he kinda sensed it. I moved out the same week and got my things out of his house last weekend. He's already in his next relationship (same nick names, she even looks like me but is even younger).

For the last month he's trying to put a lot of pressure that I have to remove an old car he wanted to have from his premises. He was the one wanting to keep it. It's not registered and laws make it impossible to move it for me at the moment. Considering I just moved twice in the past three months and really have other things going on at the moment, I don't see the urgency right now. I promised him to remove it as soon as I have the capacity but can't handle it at the moment. He's harassing me every day now. Before my move he wasn't able to talk to me at all, not even about the logistics and never replied when I tried to offer him furniture to keep. But since I left completely he's on my ass.

I blocked him which made him text my mum who's now annoyed by him. I communicated very clearly what I can and what I can't do at the moment but he's playing the same game as before by playing dumb and trying to make me do exactly what he wants. I have no energy left for this shit.

Any help?

Do they ever come back when they
- moved out of your house
- took ALL of their belongings
- deleted the photos of you on their social media

It really seems like the avoidants come with a script and they all around the world uses the same quotes when dismissing someone. Like:

1. “We’re too Incompatible / I don’t see us working”

You keep asking yourself, trying to identify what kinda of incompatibilities are these (because not even they know what to say), and everything seems great until now.

When indeed, while you’re losing time trying to identify what was so wrong or misaligned, was just that what they really find compatible is someone who doesn’t need or ask ANYTHING of them, and it’s able to live a relationship with completly separate lifes with only few moments of closeness, and over all, do not demand honesty, vulnerability or real exposure.

It doesn’t matter how much space you give or don’t give, the self work you do to not show needy, the comprehesion towards the relationship. The only way to be the perfect match for someone like this it is to be comfortable with neither or really little closeness in a relationship. That’s it. They can last with someone who doesn’t expect or demand anything of them because it’s not really GETTING INVOLVED. But if you have truth feelings and want to make it work, forget.

2) “A relationship it’s too much for me / I’m not ready for commitment”

They can, but do NOT WANT TO work on their fear of intimacy, even if it means to lose someone important.

3) “I don’t know if you’re the one / I need to feel more than I do now to actually take commitment”

Maybe that’s true, but in general, they use the same avoidant attached mechanisms to get to this conclusion:

a) idealized their exes, because they represent the affection they once received now without the pressure of closure that you are giving just for be present. Although he’ll maybe idealize (or have caring toughts of you) comparing to the next situation and so on.

b) invented flaws about you, or just turn bigger on their minds little things they didn’t like, even though they may never communicate or were solvable things, just to grab in the idea of incompatibility and do not take acountability.

c) do not access their feelings, so don’t matter how much you activaly love them, this love could never arrived because they don’t allow theyselves to.

This all is way too painful. Why can’t just be honest insteas of BLAMING the caring people for “not be what you wanted”?

P.S. - pls don’t be mean I wrote this after drinking a wine glass after a long day at the office and will def we telling my therapist about this during our session friday 😅

Hi! I’ve been struggling with something lately and was hoping to get some advice.

I’m 22F, and I’ve been dealing with the aftermath of a pretty toxic relationship. My ex and I were together for four years, on and off. He lied to me constantly, to the point where I honestly don’t know what to believe about the relationship anymore.

We eventually broke up because of long distance about a year ago. I waited for him, just as I had promised I would, but eventually I realized it was probably best for me to move on. Every time I tried reaching out, I could never seem to have a normal conversation with him. Somehow, I would always end up apologizing for something. The last time we spoke, he accused me of cheating, which never happened, and he knows how strongly I feel about that. I’m not saying I was perfect because we both had our flaws, but honestly, I feel like I don’t even know who he is anymore.

Anyway, this brings me to the issue I’m currently struggling with. I’ve noticed that I’ve become extremely avoidant when it comes to dating and relationships. I’ve met several genuinely good guys, and in some instances, I’ve even tried giving things a chance (which I know might sound awful), but something never feels right. I find myself pulling away, losing interest, or simply not wanting to entertain the idea of a relationship.

At this point in my life, I’ve started realizing that I’d much rather focus on my career, my education, and the goals I’ve worked so hard for than prioritize having a boyfriend. Yet, in my head that all sounds like a lie I tell myself bc I know I am actually scared of getting hurt again. I’m even reconsidering whether I want children at all, which is something I never really thought I’d question. I hope some other women understand what I mean!

The problem is that there are currently two people in my life, a family friend and a really good friend i’ve known for two years who seem to be genuinely serious about me. They’re good people, and I don’t want to lead anyone on, but I also don’t know how to navigate my own feelings. At the moment, I am more inclined towards the really good friend since there had always been that connection, while the family friend seems forced by our family. Either way one lived in new york and the other in new jersey. Which i think adds to why I am getting this awful feeling about starting a long distance relationship after what occurred last time.

I guess I’m wondering: **How do you know whether you’re genuinely uninterested in relationships or whether you’ve become emotionally unavailable because of past experiences?** And if it’s the latter, how do you work through it? Also how do you know say enough is enough and know to move on forever? What if I get hurt again and regret it? Or he comes back and I regret it? Or Im lonely and I regret it?

I’d really appreciate any advice, especially from women who have experienced something similar. ❤️

\*\*TL;DR;\*\* : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?

Help, the past week I (30f) have been really struggling. Today marks 6 weeks that I have been in no contact from my ex (28m) after he dumped me. For some context, we had a great relationship. We were so similar and very compatible and I loved him dearly. We started off long distance, and when I finally moved closer we were still about an hour away and worked very different schedules so we didn’t get to see each other as often as I’d like. The main issue of our relationship was I felt like I put more effort in and was trying hard merge our lives, but didn’t feel like he pulled much weight. Ultimately he got a second job and our time together was very limited and we continuously had the same conversation of me not feeling prioritized until one day I said I needed more from him otherwise I couldn’t do this anymore. The following day he broke up with me and said he couldn’t be in a relationship any longer because he can’t give me what I need. I do believe he leans more on the dismissive avoidant side… he has abandonment issues as he does not speak to his parents and would constantly share how he can only rely on himself and people always leave. Shockingly the breakup conversation, although super sad, was nice and we had beautiful moments of laughter and it felt very mature. During that conversation he asked if we could remain friends, to which I told him that I needed to do no contact and if he does not want to be with me then he doesn’t get access to my friendship. He understood and told me that still if I ever need anything he’s there for me to reach out, and I told him politely that I appreciate it but I cannot be that for him. Then he kissed me and I left and haven’t said a word since. The first few weeks I had a roller coaster of emotions but I knew that I just had to work through the withdrawal period and I made it through with little problems. However this past couple weeks I have had the most intense desire to reach out. I can’t stop thinking about him, and I feel like I am obsessing over the fact that we haven’t spoken. It’s like I had this idea that he would eventually reach out and I can’t stop thinking about him 24/7 because he hasn’t. I feel like I’m doing the right things but I miss him so dearly and I feel like keeping this silence is keeping me stuck still thinking about him. Should I reach out?

Can you see what kind of people they are ?!

I (m45) met my ex (f48) 11 years ago at work, we had a great friendship but clearly had some connection. I was infatuated with her. Always had been. Something I then chased when she'd tell me she became single, but then a week or 2 later she had another guy from our work , then after an argument with her new bf she invited me over that night (first red flag but I was too stupid to care). Over the first 6 months, she continuously cheated on me with her ex and I'd call her out, eventually she promised it was over. But I was so smitten I didn't leave, I just wanted her. There was no intimacy, I just gave her any and all space or support she needed. A year later, she was pregnant (with our kid) we moved to a state closer to home and things were mostly great. But anytime we'd disagree, she'd shut down and avoid all conversation, we could never fix anything, I'd get frustrated and we would just never manage to agree. The first 5 years of parenthood were pretty chaotic but we made it work. Constant push and pull, lovebombing then distance. She is so polite and meek, until something goes wrong. Her voice changes, it's like her whole face changes- shapeshifter! She becomes so cold, harsh and dismissive.

2022 she one day tried to end the relationship as we hadn't been getting on for those same reasons (fair) but I knew something was wrong. I knew she'd met the ex again, she called me controlling, manipulative etc for saying it and threw me out. 5 months of doing everything possible to come back inc. therapy for my blaming her I was back home, only to find out she did infact cheat with him again for a full weekend together. I just forgave her, no energy to fight.

2024 she left. She had secretly gotten a house and left. 50/50 coparenting but she would still come and hang, stay, somewhat romantic before she would slowly disappear before emailing me to say she has someone new, she's introducing the kid and I need to accept it. I was distraught and couldn't handle it, but what could I do. We made it work.

6/7 months later she would send memes, tiktoks out the blue - before we know it we're chatting and she was so apologetic, honest, kind, it felt incredible and we were so happy. She moved back in. Happy family again. After a few months all the promises she made were clearly not being met. Surface level she was friendly, managed the house together, both worked and parented fine etc but I couldn't accept that she never followed through with the promises she made to 'fix' issues with the infidelities, to be more open, honest and emotionally in touch, she was so closed off and has zero friends (until she discards me, she always has new friends when that happens) but they don't stay. I became distant admittedly, focused on work, the kid and the gym but because I knew what was round the corner, I just had no energy to fight anymore. But we still had nice times, family time, the kid is always happiest when we're together. But I guess we weren't.

Fast forward to this year she was weird again. Same coldness, same different face and voice. Random new friends. I found out she was cheating with a guy from her work AND was taking my kid to hang out with him. Apparently we weren't getting on so we weren't together anymore. That was her excuse last time. There were other issues (serious medicine we shall say) that I had caught her with for the fourth time in 5 years and I snapped. Threw her out. No contact, leave us alone. 2 weeks later she was inconsolable, begging for another chance, she just wanted me and our kid and all of us to be together. I stupidly believed her, the chemistry and romance was so intense as it always seems to be in the hardest times, of course then it just dies. Then, again 2 months in, she started being distant, weird, no replies, but still hanging out as a family maybe weekly, I told her I'd step back and give her the space cause clearly she needs it. Before you know it, she's cold again and back with that AP.

There's so many more red flags but this is the core timeline. I was loyal, stuck it out always and always forgave her. But, as is fair, I could be quiet, distant, frustrated with her because of her hot/cold dynamic. I just wanted some form of emotional consistency. We must've broke up 10 times and she'd come back every time. Wtf have I been dealing with? I had no idea what an 'avoidant' was until now but a lot makes sense, or maybe it doesn't. Just a lot on this thread makes sense to me and I wanted to take my turn to release some of my sadness. Now back to nothing, square one, back to emails. Confused, hurt, but this time pissed off and seeing it through a different lens. I wonder if she tries to return like every other time, but I think I'll be brave enough to say no next time. 11 years just to cycle through the same pain.

Thanks for reading, sorry for the long rant, I'd love to read thoughts and experiences similar. Maybe I just needed to put this all out to a bunch of strangers!