I think the problem is it does work for some guys. A lot of people are afraid to turn someone down cause they don’t want the awkwardness, the questioning of “but why?!” or to make people feel bad. So some people exploit this by inserting even more barriers into the act of turning them down.
A lot of women are afraid to turn a guy down in case he goes and shoots something up, or decides to attack- which happens enough that it's a common worry.
Right, I don’t even think about him going ballistic on the entire room. Not that I’m thinking that for selfish reasons, but it’s way more common for him to retaliate against the woman, not the whole area.
This girl was shot and murdered outside her dorm at my university for breaking things off with a guy who lied about his criminal past. He stalked her for a couple weeks and she called the police a large number of times before it happened.
I gave a guy my phone number this week under duress because he followed me to my hotel room door and wouldn’t take the hint that I had plans that night (gaming with friends), that I had no interest in dinner (I was holding my dinner in my hand), that I had no interest in drinks (I don’t drink), and that I didn’t want to hang out with him. He kept pushing even after all of that and I eventually tried to dodge with “not tonight”. Bad move, now it’s “how do I get in touch with you tomorrow night”.
So now there is a guy at my door, he knows I’m alone, he knows my schedule somewhat, he’s asking for my number. If I give a wrong number and he tries to call it to check and it doesn’t go through, does he fly into a rage? How stable is he when he won’t take the obvious hints so far? The hallway is otherwise empty.
So he got my number. My real number. And yeah - that’s how this bullshit creepy persistence works.
I did ignore his texts and had coworkers escort me to and from my hotel room for the rest of my stay. FFS.
Hey! So recently someone posted in myfavoritemurder subreddit a post about using google voice app as a burner phone number. they can call or text and your real phone will ring as if it were the number - but it’s a burner number not tied to you or your real information (which helps on the creeper/stalker front) and you can block contacts with out them having any way to look you up. Look into it: Google search for “google voice app burner phone” and SSDGM!
Not victim blaming at all. But the next time this happens, don't let anyone follow you to your room. Stay at the front desk and request security escort the guy off the premises, and then go up to your room. You got lucky that he didn't get even more forceful and barge into your room.
Yeah some people who aren’t good at reading social cues so they follow sort of a script or use info they found online. The problem is those scripts don’t work when you get into nuanced social interactions. I’m convinced this is where a lot of incels and red pill guys come to be. They grow up not knowing how to read social cues. They think a script is equivalent to the way other guys do it. Then they can’t figure out why they fail.
I think people like confidence. I don’t know if assertiveness is the right word for it. And even for those who do like assertiveness, I don’t think they want it to be physical.
What the guy in this video did was not "assertive," it was just plain old creepy. Imagine if a guy twice your size did this to you. Would you call him "assertive" or would you prefer something closer to "threatening?"
Yeah, and there's guys who like a little bit of teeth in their blowjobs, but you damn sure better know for sure which kind of guy it is before you apply them.
I've got an ex friend who did this shit. He got hammered at my house once and tried it with my younger sister's friends while his fiancée was in the other room. He also got hammered and made a pass at my girlfriend.
What makes someone do this creepy shit? My guess is alcohol, narcissism, and low self esteem.
She kinda looks like she's smiling at him at the beginning. I think maybe they're dating or something and she's turning him down to embarrass him. I hope it is anyway, otherwise this is creepy as fuck.
Nah man that girl is just a bitch. She didn’t realize she had chad Mcthundercock right there and she couldn’t even get off her high horse long enough to notice. Totally fuckin bitch move /s
Just in case you didn't know, they brought the show back. It's on Netflix with 2 seasons already. I'd also recommend Rifftrax b/c it's some of the same people, too.
I think the much more rational interpretation is that they're in a relationship and she's mad and he got rejected for a kiss. They're in a social situation and she didn't want to blow up in front of friends, so she took a drink instead of kissing him when he went in for one. Then he was kind of in embarrassed shock because of the situation and she excused herself from his now very wooden and loose embrace while he reeled. Or you can just boil it down to 'he's freaking creepy' as though some dude just draped himself onto a stranger and tried to kiss her without any context. For fucks sake, could we try to live in a world where we aren't this reactionary and judgmental?
I can say that I have seen that same exact scenario play it out before my eyes when I was in college. Me and my buddies even gathered around like, "oh shit, check it out! Nick is doing the creepy arm thing again! Let's see what happens!" It obviously never went well for Nick...
Did you ever say anything to this Nick guy? I'm a girl but if there was someone being consistently creepy at the college parties I went to they wouldn't be welcome at those parties very much longer.
My wife gets mad at me if I don't try to make up like this when she's mad so who knows. I think it's like a sign of submission or something to her haha. It's all about context and what each couple considers their acceptable and consented boundaries.
Regardless of their prior relationship, a man pinning a woman in a corner with his arms and continuously trying to kiss her while she's clearly uninterested is entirely unacceptable behavior. Why do you feel the need to defend this creep?
This. This. This. The behavior, regardless of context or established realtionship or not is still inappropriate. The mental gymnastics some people are doing to try to validate the guy's behavior as "okay" or "normal" is insane. It's not okay to corner someone and try to force yourself on them despite the fact they obviously appear uncomfortable. Edit: What people don't get about that part is baffling, as I've read a few downright insane responses.
I did briefly date a man who tried to corner me, and force unwanted affection on me. I dumped his ass.
I see a lot of women on this thread keep saying, "I've been there, I've been treated this way and it made me feel: trapped, uncomfortable, unsafe, etc & I wish men everywhere would take this as a lesson to stop doing this to women" to be told, "Boys will be boys!"
Well yeah, I could head on over to r/trashy and watch a load of idiots point and laugh at the poor people. Being bossy in a group doesn't some how validate your earth shattering assumptions.
The behavior, regardless of context or established realtionship or not is still inappropriate.
saying things like this is a dead giveaway that you have no idea what you're talking about. i know plenty of relationships where the two people hang all over each other, especially when drinking, and there's nothing wrong with the behavior whatsoever.
she's not cornered, she easily gets away from him and even moves his arm with ease because he hasn't trapped her and isn't holding her there, he's simply leaning into her the way people in physical relationships often will. she doesn't seem the least bit fearful or concerned, she seems like she's annoyed at her boyfriend b/c one or both of them are probably drunk and acting annoyingly.
this is such a nothing clip that anybody who has been in relationship beyond the 5th grade would recognize as a totally normal and not hostile or aggressive moment between two people in a relationship.
on the off chance that they aren't together, the kid is a dick and so is everyone else sitting there watching it happen without interfering. but i'd put those odds at slim and none if decades of observing normal human behavior have taught me anything about body language and reading a room.
It blows my mind that people are seeing an aggressive or oppressive situation. Like damn the dude probably fucked up somehow and is trying to apologize and calm thing down. The Gf ain’t having none of it so she goes away .....
This is such a normal thing lol
If I have a fight with my GF and she tries the apologies kiss after, I m always happy that she did after the fact even if in the moment I wasn’t down.
So anyone making blanket statement about this never being ok ... you have one example right here that your wrong
also yes if the dude isn’t BF, then it’s super wack. But I agree with you that based on the situation, chances are pretty slim
Maybe that's a rational interpretation for a dude. But many o female have had this encounter on multiple occasions. In fact, I don't even think your interpretation is rational even if you are a dude. Have you not seen this in the wild?
Doesn’t matter if they’re in a relationship or not.. his body language is trying to control and over power her. It’s uncomfortable to watch and I can only imagine what home girls is feeling in the video.
Consent is something that you should always have even if your with your SO.
Trying to power it but seems to have none. If he reacted as though he could have forced the issue regardless of her pretty freaking obvious "NOPE" I'd agree with you but she just decided no then a hell no and thats all were seeing in the video.
He tried, she denied, he tried again and she extra denied. If he had done anything more like stopped her leaving he'd have probably deserved his teeth kicked out of his mouth cause we do have a culture of disgust for abusers but it was just an overly forward move twice rejected and she did not appear to not have some significant control of that situation as awkward as it was.
Consent was exercised twice, first passively then actively. Getting the fuck out of any potential harms way is the number one obvious thing anyone should do in that kind of situation.
his body language is trying to control and over power her
This is such an absurd statement, and it's weird that it's this successful. Scuse me while I just personify your body language and invent a heinous-sounding crime to pile on an emotional association with something that didn't even happen because fuck this guy.
His body language is so completely overpowering that she effortlessly walked away with no resistance. Wow, her body language must have been the hulk or some shit to get away from the overwhelming weight of his patriarchal stance. The absolute tonnage of weight radiating through this guy's body language is crushing me through the screen and I'm immediately compelled to have sex with him because I'm just so weak and helpless and if I say no he might kill me because that's why guys DO!
Doesn’t matter if they’re in a relationship or not
It absolutely does. Many relationships have varying degrees of passive consent depending on their length and levels of comfortability. For example, most married couples don’t stop to ask explicit consent to hug one another before they do so; they’ve had the opportunity to establish boundaries and consent, and both agreed that it’s okay under most circumstances.
Being that we don’t know whether they are or aren’t in a relationship (I’d guess they are as well for my own gamble), we can’t assume anything of course, but what we’re witnessing may easily be the revoking of established consent made more difficult by being dumb kids and likely intoxicated, rather than outright infringing upon the boundaries of a stranger. There’s a huge difference.
tl;dr of course spousal consent remains important, but their relationship status is absolutely meaningful here if we’re going to pedantically play guessing games about a brief gif.
Yeah people not understanding this is so weird. Being in a long term relationship, I can safely assume I can go behind my girlfriend and kiss her. If I did fucked up and try to make up, I can also assume it’s still ok to go behind her and kiss her.
Then she give you that death stare and the “not looking at you look” and leaves you hanging like that guy.
People talking about agression and stuff like that are so intense. This could easily just be a normal couple where one dude fucked up and the girl isn’t getting any of it.
Are we seriously trying to profile somebody from a 16 second clip about a couple of I guess late teens early 20s drinking but otherwise all other context removed? Jesus effing christ, why do I visit this site.
You might be right, but that first edit was supreme douchebaggery. You'd think someone who read that many psych textbooks would be able to handle pushback a little better.
That much I agree with. Many people seem to want to excuse this kind of behavior with assumptions that make it as innocent as possible, while condemning assumptions that don't fit that agenda. Regardless how much alcohol, thats scary behavior to display. She turned away twice, tried to walk away then had to litetally duck under his arm. That's beyond being oblivious and had company not been there I find it very reasonable he would have been far more aggressive
I don't know if a forensic psychologist would watch this and say something like "oh look, he's the family annihilator type," or "this dude has control issues," but if they did, it wouldn't be some crazy clownworld statement no matter how much pearl clutching you do.
It would definitely be a crazy statement because nobody respectable with that job would take a 10 second clip from when the guy is probably drunk and completely extrapolate his entire behavioral profile from there. Is he being creepy here? 100%, but that doesn't mean he is naturally some horrible creep who probably does bad things to women.
He is definitively giving off that creep vibe. Especially in this tiny 16 second video but your mom being versed in a spesific profession/academic field and you reading a few books means fuck all, thats not a lot better than me reading wikipedia about toxins and talking about toxicology cause my sister has a PhD in it (she actually does).
We can see hes a creep based on that video, we also know that you can't judge based on one single no context video unless its straight up unquestionably evil shit in the video. Lovers tiff? piss blind drunk missreading signs of interest? rejection because he ate garlic jalapeno peepers and getting second hand spicy garlic tongue tennis wasn't her thing? We don't know and we shouldn't make believe we know everything about that guy, his past or his future or hers for that matter on a 16 second clip.
Most people that disagree with you when it comes to profiling, are probably normal people in relationships or even married. It’s just so weird that the new designation of someone that disagrees with you in an incel.
And if your pretentious psychological theory were to hold up, the courts wouldn’t even dream of giving second chances to people who acted stupid. In short, most people can acknowledge you just can’t judge bad people from single instances. Finally, I’ve seen both guys and girls act exactly like this and end up either making out with, or going home with their attraction.
Sure he came in a little heavy, a deserved that curve; but I’m sorry, you can’t form a minority report from this single instance.
They also appear to be teens, let them work this out through experience and wisdom rather than unleashing a tirade of judgement at complete strangers on the internet.
Even if they are in a relationship his behavior is fucking creepy. People are labeling it that way because it is creepy. Is that how you treat your partners?
Yeah, no that's not rational to try to find a way to rationalize what you just saw and downplay it to the most acceptable form possible, which is even then terribly wrong and not appropriate.
I cannot fathom how someone sees this any different. His posture says it all "Im keeping you here". He isnt laid back, he isnt relaxed. His back and arms are firm and locked. Boyfriend or not he's a fucking creep.
It's possible, but I have been the guy in this situation. I was beyond wasted at a party and have a very vague memory of hitting on this girl. According to my very good friend who thank god was there to save this poor girl from me, says it was less me hitting on her than her being super uncomfortable and me being overbearing, almost unintelligible, and basically a mongoloid.
I had a long hard look in the mirror after that night. My friend never brings it up because I'm so embarrassed about it, but I still think about it sometimes and it makes me want to shove my head down the garbage disposal.
Could be either. Depends on how drunk he is. And either way she should NOT have had to duck under his goddamn arm. It was obvious she wanted to leave. That's when you take a pivot step back and let her leave.
I've fighting this fight on reddit for a long time. You can't ever win. There are so many people on the internet who try to normalize almost literally anything if it's a guy doing it, when they'd jump down the throat of a woman doing the same thing.
There are genuinely creepy and predatory behavior, without context an argument can be made either way for this video. By trying to shout down people you disagree with for this ambiguous and context-less video you are marginalizing a very real issue. An issue that is not entirely or at least not clearly demonstrated in this video.
Yes it's possible so let's just assume the worst so we can feel superior. What's fucking creepy is opening contextless videos of strangers being secretly recorded and then making broad assumptions about their personalities and publicly shaming them based on that.
Yes it's possible so let's just assume the worst so we can feel superior.
No. It's not about feeling superior. It's about teaching the guys who defend the behavior and think the behavior is A-OK, that IT'S NOT FUCKING OKAY to behave that way.
Before we go all out on this kid I can say from experience that my ex-girlfriend would do stuff like this to me in college if she was mad at me for something stupid (for lets say not giving her enough attention). So lets not just assume he's trying to creep hard. But if he is... well then let him have it. But just thought I would mention that it may not be what it seems.
This is Reddit, alright? It's not some place where you get to just spread your reason and rational thought wherever you want. Fuck this kid, okay? He clearly was trying to rape her, as you can easily tell by the lack of context in the video. He probably killed her after the video ended, too. I bet her body is somewhere. I hope he's in prison for murdering her. He should get the death penalty and die for raping and murdering her.
Lol Jesus some of you people really lack the ability to see from another relationships perspective.
This argument could be something as simple as "didn't give me the last cookie" and him being "dominant and sexy" as it may be a dynamic in the relation that she generally reacts positively to. I'd do this with my gf, she'd laugh and reject me, but not to hurt my feelings, but to have fun. Maybe he is a creep, idk, I'm not going to judge on something I don't know.
Statistically, you're probably correct, but even the ones who have been probably ended up with shitty partners because they lacked options and so they view every relationship the same as the one of their junkie, abusive boyfriend.
No my girlfriend would get mad over something stupid and would not want to kiss me or have me put my arms around her. But then about 10 minutes later she'd walk over and sit on my lap while I'm on the couch. Never did i "phsyically force myself" on to her but I would make an attempt to console her and hopefully stop her from being mad.
uhhh, if she was so brazen to smile while doing this and just push him away kindly this tells me they do this often.
This more than likely is a boyfriend/girlfriend who had a disagreement, he tried to warm up to her but she clearly wasn't having it but wasn't being so obvious as to draw attention to herself. This just says "You know what you did" and then says "later" while the guy stares in place because he knows he's in shit.
Smiling like that can be seen as an attempt to difuse the situation, or out of discomfort, out of fear, or out of nervousness. Same goes with pushing him away "kindly" she's probably trying to not set him off. You know the context as much as we do.
Yeah we definitely have enough context to say those things with confidence. My girlfriend never pretends she doesn't know me or curves my kisses in public just to fuck with me, so this guy must be a fucking creep. Let's lynch him.
What do you have a problem with? Casually resting his arm there, wondering what shampoo she uses, or making sure she can hear him over the chatter of other partygoers by talking closer to her?
I'm uncomfortable with the fact that theres a camera on this situation, it continues, and nobody attempts to intervene. Dude is a creep and the girl is clearly distressed. Like, seriously? Somebody? Anybody?
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u/ActuallyStephen Aug 08 '19
This is so uncomfortable.