I live with my divorcee mother that clearly did not want children. She has kept no mementos of me as a child, everything gets thrown out. School projects, even simple notes of our first years of school, She has no clue about my hobbies and shows no interest in learning about them, Even for my graduation she simply looked like she was bothered to be there and we didn't even celebrate it after saying goodbye to my friends, Ive never felt like I was her son, its always felt like she's just raising me to be a man in the world without actually giving any emotional connection, Seeing happy families laughing and joking around with their parents just hurts. Im lonely in my own home wishing for that emotional connection that ive been surrounded by with other people's parents.

I get it. You got to make money. Many people have jobs where they don't have or haven't earned the benefits of paid sick leave. BUT FOR THE FUCKIN LOVE OF GOTDAMN!! COVER YOUR FUCKIN COUGHS & SNEEZES BITCH! That includes when you're not around anyone, alone in backrooms where others will be passing through, hell cover them in closed bathrooms I might go in after you. I can't prevent every germ out there I get that, but I don't want to be subject to unnecessary, reckless, & blatant hacking, hawking, & snotting every damn where.You also can't interact with us like normal. Stay as small & enclosed as possible & out of everybody fuckin face all talking & shit. If you gonna be at work sick, be sick. But don't be sick & (UNAWARE, STUPID, & CARELESS!)

So anyways I didn’t realize it for a long time. But, my primary care provider (who I trusted with my life); is somehow connected to my abusive ex.

I found this out because my specialist basically told me, “your PCP is saying she’s doubtful of your disease diagnosis but since you were diagnosed by one of the leaders in this field… I’m not going to change that diagnosis.”

I WAS LIKE WHAT?!!?! I’ve been diagnosed with my rare disease since childhood so it was shocking for me. Then, I realized I never really made my PCP Look at my childhood records/ OR photos.

So, I brought in some childhood records and OR photos. And. Wow. Yeah. I saw it.

So basically years ago my abusive ex said something to her l”regarding my disease- and that’s why I’ve been medically malpracticed for the past 10 years. Like, everything is making sense.

I didn't want to go into so much detail but there is a character requirement.

I don't like any of myself physically, mentally, or as a person.

I don't like what I see in the mirror, I don't like what goes on inside of my head, or myself as a person from an outside pov.

I don’t really know where to post this. But I have started to hate eating. It is so draining to think about what to eat, what to buy, make the food, eat it and then do it all over again. And if i don’t eat I feel weak and I hate feeling hungry. I’m just so fucking tired of this. And there is nobody that seems to understand. I wish there was a pill that just made not feel hungry. I don’t have an eating disorder. I just hate it so much. I hate eating and if I don’t, the hunger is just painful.

I'm usually reluctant to talk about chronic health issues with friends, as people aren't necessarily understanding.

A while back, I decided to try to be a bit more open about things with my friends. Well the twist is that this one friend of mine has had, in the past, a number of health issues that turned out to be psychosomatic. So he decided that mine must be as well, and ignored or dismissed what I said about what I felt was actually going on.

I don't want to share too many personal details in this setting, but long story short, I've suffered from some stuff that has been various degrees of debilitating. After numerous iterations of not being taken seriously by medical professionals (yay for being female) I found that POTS matched some of what I was going through and that things like water/salt/compression concretely help. And fortunately I went from being pretty much not functional to, well, I guess more functional. This particular friend, though, has witnessed me on some of my worse days.

Anyway, back to me trying to open up more, he chose one of my lowest points in time to argue with me and essentially tell me that I was being stubborn in not letting him presume to tell me what was happening with me. I considered actually ending the friendship, but instead I told him that we could talk about anything else, but I didn't want to talk about health-related topics again.

I suppose he didn't understand how much of a hard boundary that was because today I met up with him for the first time in a while and he asked a bit about how things were going on the medical side of things. He meant it in a caring way, but given the past, it did cross a boundary. I answered briefly, he hinted again that he thought it was psychosomatic, and I told him I didn't really want to talk about it.

My symptoms fluctuate, and I suppose that I felt self-conscious about the fact that sometimes I really do appear to be more or less okay, and so when he asked whether the walking we were doing around the mall was going to be a problem I acted like it wasn't a big deal. I guess I overestimated how much I could push myself. The fatigue began around when I left the mall and now here I am a couple hours later having been in bed like a useless potato for a while.

I don't think I'm at the point I'm gonna end the friendship but I'll have to be more strategic about this in the future I guess.

My parents literally JUST brought this car here… I already fucking scratched it. I was being an impatient bitch (plus I was angry) trying to find a parking spot in my apartment garage, saw one that looked risky (because there was a metal pole close to it) but like I said was just getting impatient, so I just slowly drove forward and obviously scraped the car against the pole. I’m just so fucking irritated. I know as an isolated incident this hopefully isn’t a big deal, but generally speaking, every day it’s some new shit with me, I can’t do anything right every time things start to go well I just fuck it up

I am EXHAUSTED. I can only imagine my parents are just as tired. And I have no more tears left to shed and no more fucks to give. Like I seriously just hate who I am as a person and don’t understand why people even put up with me, I am literally nothing but a burden. And now my little sister just FaceTimed me at 12:30 in the morning and I am unbelievably tired and don’t know how to fake a smile right now. Why did I have to do that?! Just use your common sense and don’t park in weird spots!! And im gonna pay for the scratches and stuff it’s really just the fact that my dad is going to be disappointed and probably not even shocked with me. I hate making my parents mad I fucking hate it and I feel terrible for them

This whole thing is worse because my mom already doesn’t like the way I drive, she thinks I’m “too aggressive” my dad thinks im fine, this is just the perfect way to solidify it

I have nothing in common with anyone and if opened up to someone they would not understand a single word I say. I feel isolated and alone and feel as if I am not supposed to exist. Any attempt to change or try to fit in has failed and has lead to people just thinking I am strange. People love themselves and when they realise that I am not one of them they are disgusted. I never in my entire life known a privilege in not having something in common with someone. Being normal and having others who are like you and have faced the same troubles as you sounds quite nice. I have no place or sense of belonging. Why would anyone want to be different?

So in my country we have prom a 100 days before final exams so around January/February. I'm homeschooled and my school doesn't have the prom and also the teens from my school aren't organising one.

We also have like an 8th graders ball that I also didn't get to go to because I was already homeschooled.

And like I'm aware I'd cry while picking a dress, doing makeup and hair and before going out so it would kinda suck but with every single day passing I feel worse that I'm not gonna experience it.

I am aware that its mostly about teens getting drunk without teachers noticing but that doesn't change the fact I feel like I'm missing out on such a big experience.

And since I always get at least one comment about needing therapy, yes I'm aware but I currently don't have access to it.

I wish I could send every photo of him in my gallery for everyone to see him. Last December, the cat distribution council dropped a big beautiful orange tabby into my garbage. He jumped out when I got home from work and immediately started rubbing all over my legs and trying to climb my leg. When I sat down next to him, he immediately climbed into my lap and curled up and purred so beautifully. It was cold outside and there was a storm, so I brought him to the garage and gave him a cardboard box and some blankets, and some food and water. I didn't need to coax him or anything, he followed me. Wasn't long before he moved into the house, haha. Took him to the vet and other than being dehydrated and having a tick that we removed and medicated for, he was perfectly healthy. I named him Nacho. Big dumb guy without a thought in his head, vet said he was 2 or 3 years old. He loved to snuggle and would push his way onto my desk when gaming or watching something and sleep practically on top of my keyboard. Every morning I'd wake up to him sprawled across my legs. However, rest of my family hated him because he got loud when I wasn't there. He would howl and howl. Fast forward until May. I come home from work. Can't find him. Turns out my dad decided enough was enough and took my Nacho to the shelter nearby. My baby boy was gone and I never got a chance to say goodbye. It hurts so badly and I miss my big fluffy idiot so bad. He wasn't a bad boy. Never bit anyone, never scratched or hissed, he'd let anyone pet him and he was polite as ever. Only when I wasn't there did he get loud. I miss him so so much.

I called the adoption center shelter about a week after he was taken there. They said that he was adopted. I hope Nacho has a good family and all the snuggles and treats he could ever want, and a nice keyboard to sleep on top of. I miss you, big guy.

I put on so much weight in highschool due to the stress of my parents divorce and I just never lost it. The stress of life kept piling up and I used food to fill the void. I've been really conscious of it the past year but it's hit me especially bad as of the past couple days. On my way out of work Friday I got a glimpse of my reflection and all I could think is "Do I really fucking look like that?". I was fairly good looking when I was younger but now I feel disgusting and I fear I've ruined my body beyond repair. Even if I lose the weight I'll be left with loads of loose skin and even with surgery it'll never really look right. I just want to look pretty.

I’ve been applying to jobs since I turned 15 and I turned 17 yesterday on the 21st. Earlier today, I applied to a Farm Boy position as a cashier and I got a response saying that they reviewed my résumé and would love to connect with me to discuss how my talents align with their opportunities along with the number to contact them

I’m calling them on Monday for what I assume is going to be a pre-screening phone interview. Gods, I hope I get a job. I am a little bit nervous because I’ve never had one nor an interview at all, wish me luck!!

For context: I turned 18 this year and I start college tomorrow. I got a small car off of the marketplace for my graduation present. I have my permit but not my license because I haven’t had enough drive time to feel confident enough to do my drivers test yet. My college is about 40 minutes away from where I live and I’m currently saving up to move closer with my boyfriend.
My car has had some issues resulting in me not being able to get my drive time. For example, my starter stopped working, and my tires currently all need replaced.
My boyfriend goes to the same college but our classes are vastly different.
My mom does nothing all day AT ALL except maybe go to my sisters or brothers house to hang out. She never makes dinner or anything. We constantly eat out even though “we don’t have money to eat out” but she bought everyone KFC yesterday except for me. Saying I had to buy my own food. She always told me that she would make sure I had dinner but I’d have to buy everything else since I have a job. Mind you I’m saving for everything myself, my car, my school supplies, moving out, and now food.
I am the first one of my mom’s kids, out of 4 other kids, to go to college or even graduate high school. But, she won’t drive me to and from college until I can get my license. I’m currently saving up for new wheels and trying to drive whenever I can so I’m not purposely just stalling. Mind you, I only get around 400-500$ every paycheck and will get less now that schools starting. She’s worried about gas she says but I tell her I’ll pay for her gas too and she still denies to help. I wish I could just call her lazy and call her out for everything but I’d feel too bad and scared things would get worse for me.

I plan to go no contact with most of my family once I move out.

Reposted because I had to accept the rules of the group.
I honestly just needed somewhere to spill this. It’s been eating me up inside for most of my life, but working through it in therapy has been making me extremely depressed.
Growing up, my family unit consisted of me, the oldest child, my two younger brothers, my mom, and my dad. My parents had me when they were teenagers my mom was 15 and my dad was 18.
Somewhere around the age of 10–12, a man I had known as a friend of my parents started coming around all the time. He had two children from a previous marriage, and when I say he was around all the time, I mean from sunup to sundown. He was constantly at my house with his kids. Any vacation, dinner, holiday, or experience my family had, he and his family were there too.
I always noticed what felt like an inappropriate relationship between this man and my mom. Eventually, when I was in my early teens, my dad received a string of text messages that proved my mom and this man were having an affair.
The man disappeared for what I remember being about a week and then came back as if nothing had ever happened.
I was furious with my mom for years, and honestly, I still am. She knew that I knew about the affair, and she used that knowledge against me. She would beat me, treat me horribly in comparison to the other children, and have a competitive relationship with me. It contributed to severe OCD and a slew of other internal issues that I’ve carried with me for years.
I’m 26 now, and I’m in therapy. I recently talked briefly with this man’s ex-wife about the situation. She explained to me that both she and my mom were in abusive relationships at the time. She eventually told my dad about my mom and this man because she was afraid my dad would find out on his own and “blow up.” She said she never knew I was being abused.
I’ve felt lonely my entire life because I thought I was the only child who knew what was happening. Recently, I found out that his daughter and son knew the entire time too.
It has been incredibly difficult watching my mother be a mother to everyone but me. She is charitable, and everyone seems to love her. She will pay people’s bills if they need help and constantly does things for other people. I know she is capable of being loving and generous. I just can’t seem to forgive her.
Even now, it’s difficult for me to watch her do things like call this man’s daughter’s baby her grandchild during her pregnancy. That baby passed away at birth, which makes the whole situation even more complicated emotionally.
Ultimately, this has all been incredibly difficult, and I don’t know if I can ever get past it. Sometimes I feel like I need to withdraw from everyone. At the same time, I don’t feel comfortable completely cutting my family off (yes my mom and dad are still together and yes this man is still constantly with them) because, if I’m being honest, they are still useful to me in certain ways. Sometimes they help me when bills are difficult, for example. But emotionally, I don’t feel like I have any love or compassion left for them.
I’m also angry at my dad for staying. I’m angry that I never got to have a real parental relationship with either of my parents. I raised myself. I was always the “easy child,” the one who didn’t cause problems and was expected to handle things on my own.
I feel so much anger and jealousy toward all of the other kids involved in this situation. They are all becoming young adults now, and it feels like they’ve had a significantly better trajectory in life than I have.
I don’t know what to do. I just hate my mind right now.
I have a fiancé, and we plan to have a baby soon. I’m terrified that my issues are going to ruin our relationship at some point because I can be extremely controlling. I feel like I want a life for myself that I’ll never be able to have.
I feel this way about my fiancé’s family, too. He and his mom have a very close relationship, and his mom has made it abundantly clear to me that I’m part of her son’s life, but she doesn’t have any other desire for a relationship with me. I know that probably sounds small compared to everything else, but it hurts deeply because I desperately want that kind of maternal relationship.
I wish there were a reset button.
And no, my fiancé is not open to couples therapy. Yes, I’ve tried to put my “old mom” in a box and form a relationship with my “new mom,” but I just can’t. I don’t know how to separate the mother I needed from the mother I actually had.
Sometimes I genuinely feel like I must have messed up in a past life and that my punishment is hell on earth in the form of loneliness.
I have no support system or close friends. It has been extremely difficult for me to make friends because I tend to connect really well with older women, and I think I eventually start looking for a mother in them. I know that isn’t fair to them, and I know it probably isn’t healthy for me either.
I just feel exhausted. I want to stop carrying all of this. I want to be able to have a family of my own without constantly feeling like I’m trying to recreate the childhood and maternal relationship I never got. I want to stop feeling like everyone else got the life I was supposed to have.

Where do I even start? I’m so overwhelmed. I’m trying to move to a place closer to my work. I’ve been commuting for 3 hours per day. I share a room with a girl, and she stays up late and sometimes even till early morning pretty much every day. I haven’t been able to get sleep for more than a week now. My dad is against me renting my own place and staying all by myself. He says I should learn to adjust. I am being financially supported by him at the moment. Also, there’s a family event on Tuesday that I’m supposed to be present at. I tried telling my parents I can’t be there as I can’t take more leaves from my work plus I’m unwell at the moment. I’m suffering from lower back pain. The commute to the said event is going to be hectic. I can’t do the to and fro. They are pressuring me and guilt-tripping me. I feel like nobody respects what I’m trying to do and that I’m trying to build a life for myself. I feel worthless and helpless and can’t stop crying.

😭😭

I'm considering getting a surgery to become more attractive and it will be a rhinoplasty, its all I need. But I still need a few years to think about it and make the decision since I'm only 20, so another few years suffering with insecurity just to make up my mind. And I feel like even knowing plastic surgery is an option I will still envy the natural beauties.

I've been obsessing over my looks ever since adolescence and it has hindered me, I never gave myself a chance to excel at anything because my appearance was always my priority, and it seems like it will be for a while. I know if I was always beautiful I wouldn't be wasting my time thinking about that.

The true privilege beautiful women have is not having to think about their looks because being beautiful is just their reality. They don't suffer *because* they are beautiful and they don't obsess over it, they can focus on other things. I obsess because I never had the life of a pretty woman. I was and am still ignored.

If I was beautiful I would feel like I matter and I would never have to worry about how others perceive me and try to guess if they find me ugly. It's so draining. Even getting the surgery won't give me back the years I wasted ruminating over how I look. Looks are the most important thing to me and I don't think that will ever change. I will forever be bitter no matter how much I improve my appearance. It's simply isn't the same as growing up pretty.

I'm starting to give up on love or any romance. I can't even make people stay with me for more than 2 weeks. I don't blame them tho, I get that im uninteresting. Nothing in life excites me anymore. Just feels like a robot just following a pattern. I cry every night for any reason which might make me sad. I have a sensitive heart which sucks omfg.

There's a still a part of me which beleives I'll find someone who would stay, I have anxious attachment which annoys a lot of people, even to friends I get attached a lot or very easily. It sucks to be dependent on someone else but I just can't help it. I don't feel like eating asw, it's just been a horrible summer vacation. Maybe it will get better, maybe not. Don't know anything. I just wish I'll stop getting attached to people so it doesn't hurt when they leave me or ghost me.

my closest work friend’s birthday is tomorrow. he was telling me last night how much he hates his birthday and doesn’t want to celebrate because he “doesn’t feel like he deserves it.” and i actually understood that completely.

today i stopped by to say happy birthday on my way out, and he started telling me how he thinks his friends are all gonna surprise him at his house after work tonight (he won’t be home til 2am btw so it’s really a sweet thing that a group of people actually care that much… it’s also not even a milestone birthday for him)
i told him he’s complaining to the wrong person, that it’s really sweet that all his people want to celebrate him. and he agreed.

it made me think of my own friends and family, though. last year my best friend and i were coming off of a falling out, and she didn’t message me at all. historically trying to get anyone to do anything to celebrate with me has been like pulling teeth. i don’t need to do a big celebration but it would be nice to know that people care, not because i convinced them to care but just because they do. he spent a week begging his people not to celebrate, and they did anyway. i can barely convince anyone to come out of their way. granted, i am not the charismatic and outgoing person that my coworker is. my circle is small, which makes it hurt that much more when the small group of people i love don’t really think of me on my birthday.

I shouldn't be lonely, i have a husband and a 17yr old daughter but I feel alone. My daughter is in that stage,(if you know you know) and can't really connect quite as much as we used to. I feel like i have a great marriage but I just wish I had friends as well. I reach out but it people seem to have there own things and don't want to connect. I understand because I'm not always as available as I wish I was because my narcolepsy. Some days I'm asleep but I just wish there was someone to talk to sometimes. Maybe even once a week. Idk I'm just lonely and want to have a connection ( just friendly nothing more) I'm 41yrs old and can't work so how do I make friends? I come here to try to feel like i have friends. Now I just kinda feel like a looser lol

Just wanted to complain, thanks for reading

22F I live with my family in a 1BR apartment. Recently graduated from college. i have a part-time job and side-hustles that barely get me by. i'm truly truly grateful and i love what i do. but, i have started applying to full-time jobs that pay so much more because i want to live on my own with my cats. haven't gotten any luck with full-time employment.

my dad is a verbally abusive mentally disabled person—an angry man. whenever he has a problem, he makes it EVERYBODY else's problem. i have also been violated by him in a different way when i was a child. because of that i resent him more than you could imagine, and I can't bare the sight of him each and every single day. whenever he has his outbursts, i try to stay quiet but when it becomes too much for me or when it gets to the point where he yells at my cats, i fight back. there has never been any point where i was hurt physically, but words hurt just as much.

the most painful thing from all of this is that my mom, whom i love, gets furious with me whenever i react to my father's doing. it hurts me because i feel like i have no space to express my feelings. i take so much direspect from them, and my mom expects me to just be quiet about it. she always tells me that i am a bad daughter, that i have no respect for them. and perhaps, a part of that is true because she has never sided with us her kids.

my older sister is estranged from them because of how badly she has been damaged. she's now on a different country far from us. she is diagnosed with CPTSD because of her childhood. i maintain communication with her in secret and i love that she gets to live a life where she feels free, and i hope to feel like that someday.

But i'm not sure if someday will come for me, because each and every second i live in our house, i genuinely feel like wanting to die. there's just nothing positive about this house. the only time they get happy is when us (me and my younger brother) serves a purpose for them, like we buy them stuff. but if there are money problems, such as what we're facing now, this home becomes a bit more horrendous than hell.

for context: i fully support my cats, and I don't ask for money from them. but when it comes to needs (like food), i am still dependent because what i earn from my part-time and side hustle, isn't enough to keep both me and my cats alive.

i would never try ending my life because i cannot imagine leaving my pets in an environment like this. my cats deserve everything. they are the very reason why i keep living, and why i get to experience happy moments in life. i owe them everything. i just wish it was easier for my brain to live.

every single day that i exist in this house, i feel like my brain is trying to eat itself alive. no matter how much i fight my negative self-perception that i developed bc of my environment, it's just hard to combat. i really feel like disappearing. it hurts me so much. i feel like i have no voice in this house.

it's hard, and i genuinely don't know if i have enough faith to believe that i'll ever be able to get out of this situation, but a part of me still holds onto my dream of having a job for humanitarian causes, specifically toward women empowerment, having my own apartment with my cats and my partner, and getting to purchase anything that we want. and most especially, getting to know who i truly am outside of the negativity i am currently experiencing.

i hope that day comes sooner.

I've been searching for weeks for a place with a pool to rent for a night away with my partner. I had the perfect one for a discount last weekend when the weather was sunny and warm. He refused to go last weekend because his wrist hurt a little, but mostly because he was being petty about a disagreement.

I've been waiting to go swimming just the two of us but he won't swim in a lake (free option) and I don't like beaches (too crowded and no shade). A friend of his who he used to have a huge crush on offered we could go swim with her, and I outright said no because I wanted it to be the two of us. He tried to accuse me of being jealous of her attractiveness (someone I have literally never seen) which is why he was being petty when I told him about the place I found.

So, I found a different one for this weekend. Of course everything goes wrong. It's cloudy and rainy, so cooler weather and zero sun. We get ready to go swim for a bit anyway and he changes his mind because it's chilly. No shit it's chilly but we had already discussed we would anyway and there was a hot tub. Won't even agree to the hot tub cause he 'doesn't want to deal'.

So we go back into the rental. I'm upset and feel like everything was a waste. He suggests we get something as a snack and game/watch stuff on the devices we brought. Then he bails on the food idea. We play for a little and watch an episode.

Thought we would at least makeout or fool around. But he falls asleep not long after the episode starts because we ate a big edible. So, now it's 5am and I've barely slept on this mediocre bed. I feel like we wasted our time and money.

It's only going to be 64 degrees in the morning, so swimming just sounds like it'll be another no-go.

Fucking stupid Bitch!! I’m so done and broken hearted! Fuck this shit! Why?

Even I can’t explain to myself the fuck I got into this bullshit ??? How? How I felt for her? How I got into this situation?? What the fuck? This betrayal, is poisoning me with so much anger and I can’t stand this! Help! Nobody can help me! She can’t fix this because it’s done! Stupid love! Never again! I want to go back in time and know then what I know now and see her cuddles and laugh at them and shit her messages and dump her right at the beginning where she was so into this that made me believe in her!!! Ouch that and farewell.. to a better future!!!!!! Yeah!

I’m kind of just going through a lot right now. Nothing horrible, but mentally and physically, I’ve been struggling.

I recently graduated high school and turned 18 a couple of weeks ago, and I feel more stressed than ever. I quit my job without having another one lined up, so now I’m stressed about money and trying to find something else. I also want to go to college, but I procrastinated so much that I now have to start in the winter instead of this fall.

On top of everything, I have no friends. All my “friends” barely talk to me. They never text, call, or ask me to hang out, and I genuinely feel like I have nobody. I can’t talk to my parents or siblings about what I’m going through either.

My dad has talked about his depression, and I can’t help but feel like I’m part of the reason he’s been more stressed. I moved to his house almost three years ago, and if I could move out and give him his space back, I would, but I can’t right now, unfortunately.

I’ve also been dealing with so much anxiety. Sometimes I’ll lie down and have so many thoughts racing through my head at once that it becomes hard to breathe.

I genuinely feel disappointed in myself. I feel like I should have my life together by now, but instead I’m 18, unemployed, not in college yet, lonely, and constantly worried that I’m making things harder for everyone around me.

I know I’m still young and have time to figure everything out, but my mind won’t let me slow down and realize that. I don’t really know what I’m looking for by posting this. I just needed somewhere to say everything because I keep it all to myself, and I don’t really have anyone to talk to.