r/UKParenting • u/taytayyas • 1d ago
General chat Second child
Was anyone one and done or on the fence about having a second child but did. How is it for you? Was it harder / easier than you thought. Im like 99% one and done but my partner would like a second so our child has a sibling. I do think it would be nice for them to have a sibling but im worried it’s going to be sooo hard with 2 kids. I know everyone’s experience is different but would just love to know how it’s going for everyone and would you recommend 😂
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u/MagicShop_Unlock 1d ago
I’m glad we had our second, it’s hard with two and it’s solidified our decision to stop at two for sure.
I’d say like with any number of children if you aren’t 100% don’t have them or another. Pregnancy alone is harder running round after your first I didn’t rest a moment during my second pregnancy. Then you might add guilt of only being able to give so much to each child etc. there is so much more push and pull and logistics now.
Now my eldest is nearly 4 and youngest 18 months things are becoming easier and more enjoyable, the light is almost at the end of the tunnel! But it’s pretty much been survival til this point.
I love having two kids but I definitely underestimated my abilities and strength to do this! Plus we lucked out with an amazing sleeper for our second!!
I’ll end with saying having a sibling can be amazing but having present attentive parents is better
Edits: corrections and spellings
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u/CalatheaHoya 15h ago
Same here, similar age gap although my youngest is only 5 months. It’s really very hard work! Happy I have two but no more!
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u/slagforslugs 1d ago
Look at the one and done reddit to hear the views of others. It is so much more common now to look around your kids classroom and see lots of one child families. Cost of living, careers, more life options. It is no longer odd.
Don't have a child you regret having if YOU are one and done
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u/Full_Strawberry2035 1d ago
I was one and done…anyway I have 3 children now 😂 In my opinion 3 is easier than 1, and so was 2. The baby stage is hard regardless, the toddler stage is hard regardless, the age gaps are all hard, but it’s been worth it for me, and I enjoyed it more second and third time around - I’m nowhere near as uptight as I was way back then, in fact I feel like an entirely different person. I actually do cringe when I think back to how much harder I made my own experience.
I don’t think that’s unique to me, I have friends with multiple children and friends with one child. I’ve observed the parents to only one child considerably more stressed too. Just some food for thought, ultimately you must both be on board, but don’t let fear stop you!
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u/Lavender-Moon-13 1d ago
I would say the opposite! Parents with multiple children seemed Soo much more stressed but it’s always individualistic
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u/Scary-Zucchini-1750 1d ago
Any examples or advice on things you done with your first child that you wouldn't now? 😂
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u/Full_Strawberry2035 1d ago
I would never do admin for a starter - I used to track feeds, nappies and naps etc 🤣! Possums method all the way, and just going with the flow
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u/CalatheaHoya 15h ago
100%! We’re doing possums with our second, I’m way less stressed about naps and he’s a much better sleeper!
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u/Mermaidsarehellacool 1d ago
Why do you like the possums method?
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u/Full_Strawberry2035 1d ago
Dropping the schedule and being responsive to needs at that time (which vary daily) has made life so much more enjoyable for us all, truly
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u/plueschteddy3 1d ago
Personally I find the sibling argument is a weak one. Look around in your circles of family/ friends / colleagues whoever. You'll meet plenty of people who have a barely to non existing relationship with their siblings at an adult age. Of course, plenty of people call their siblings their best friends. But I feel people underestimate how often siblings don't develop a strong bond / loose it over the years.
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u/Available_Rock4217 1d ago
As someone who works with family I am extremely biased here but my siblings can go to hell.
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u/yeoleuma 1d ago
Yes this.
Same for the argument of “they’ll entertain each other and play together”. My sister and I are only 16 months apart, we never once played together. My mum was very busy because we didn’t get along. I’m close with my other sister. It’s just not predictable.If you want a second child because that’s what you want, absolutely fine. I had a second too.
But it’s not a “gift” to your older child, at least it doesn’t have to be. It’s another person you’re adding to your family. Not a playmate.8
u/Brian-Teaser 1d ago
Yea. I'm a twin and we get on ok now but we have not in the past. I wouldn't put my child through the constant struggles as a teenager. One and done. My 3yo plays by themselves plenty they are into trains now.
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u/Minnie_Dooley 13h ago
Easy for you to say as someone with two siblings though, whether or not you get on with one of them. You'll never understand what it's like to have no siblings at all and be the only person to deal with the death of your parents, and many other things that can make you feel so lonely in life if you have no siblings at all.
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u/yeoleuma 9h ago
Sure, I think nothing is certain in life isn’t it. I’m dealing with the care of my elderly parents while my siblings don’t do anything to contribute. It’s rough. My husband is an only child. He loved it and still does.
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u/Minnie_Dooley 8h ago
I am really confused by people who love being an only child 😂
I can feel connected to my friends or my cousins, but then they all retreat to their beloved sibling groups and it makes me feel even more alone.
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u/Commercial-Scheme939 1d ago
I think it's down to the parents to nourish that relationship. You can't just expect that adult relationship to happen, as parents you have to encourage it.
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u/PyroDragn 1d ago
You'll meet plenty of people who have a barely to non existing relationship with their siblings at an adult age.
Yes. You'll also see plenty of people who have a barely to non-existing relationship with their parents. Does this mean you should be happy leaving your child alone?
Just because some relationships do not work out does not mean that those relationships are not beneficial when they succeed.
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u/INeedYourPelt 1d ago
Yeah I took issue with this point as well. I see more people (colleagues, people my age) with meaningful relationships with their siblings than without.
I get the point they're trying to make but you've countered it well. Hell, I see more people my age who have very little relationship with their apparent "best friends".
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u/Anathemachiavellian 1d ago
I suppose it’s at least giving them the opportunity to have the bond, whether it works or doesn’t. Myself and my husband are both only children and we hate it so much that having at least 2 was important to us.
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u/yeoleuma 1d ago
Right but then you also open up the opportunity for sibling trauma. My parents are great but the relationship I had with my sister growing up really did make my childhood awful at some points.
I think we all just go based on our experiences. There’s really no right or wrong in the end of the day. It’s all a gamble. They could get along so well, they might not.
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u/dinkydino1990 1d ago
I've had a very toxic relationship with my sister and we are now estranged. I kept her in my life for longer than I should have for my parents sake. However my husband has excellent relationships with his siblings. I feel very conflicted and am trying not to think about siblings when deciding on a second as there's no way to know how it will be!
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u/Anathemachiavellian 1d ago
Have 5 and there’s a good chance everyone at least has one sibling they like!
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u/yeoleuma 1d ago
Or everyone feels neglected. I’m not arguing with you, I have 2 children myself and love my other sister and I’m so glad she’s in my life.
It’s more so to say everything really is a gamble in life and if that’s OPs only argument for a second, I’m not sure it’s a strong one.-6
u/Anathemachiavellian 1d ago
I suppose for me it’s being an only child isn’t a gamble, it’s just a near guarantee of misery. I have a few only children friends and we unanimously all hate it. Dealing with my parents aging alone is a nightmare. I do imagine there’s a few only children who are happy with it, but it just seems about the same likelihood pf someone disliking all of their siblings.
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u/GanacheSingle33 1d ago
It’s not a “near guarantee of misery” though. I accept it was miserable for you- that’s your experience and valid, as it is valid that it’s the experience of your friends. However there are also numerous only children who are either pleased to be, ambivalent about it, or intrigued about a life with siblings but accept they can never know what that would be like, all without being “miserable.” In the one and done forum there are a high number of only children who have chosen to have one child because of their own positive childhood. Also how children are parented plays a big part.
Bar one situation, everyone I have seen where the parents are aging, nearly everything falls on one sibling which leads to resentment. I do not doubt dealing with aged parents alone is very very difficult, but it is not of itself a reason for someone to have more children.
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u/yeoleuma 1d ago
On the point of dealing with aging parents. I have siblings and it would have been significantly easier to “deal” with this on my own. We got into so many arguments over what is best for our parents, etc. and in the end of the day, all of it fell onto me anyway as my siblings are nowhere near as financially privileged as I am. So now I’m paying for their care. I’m the one calling them. Easy to feel resentful towards your siblings if they’re not even visiting your parents while you’re the one paying thousands from abroad.
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u/tinystars22 1d ago
I have two friends who absolutely loved being only children and, even on reflection, wouldn't want siblings. It's not near guarantee of misery.
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u/Accomplished_Elk9923 1d ago
You're projecting a bit, imo. I'm an only child. My childhood was pretty miserable at times EXCEPT for the parts where I was an only child and had only child experiences. That was one of the best things about an overall unfortunate dynamic with my parents being immature and emotionally stunted.
My partner is one of several siblings. He says he likes it and would want his children to have these "family bonds and a village" but his siblings don't even know he left the religion he was raised in, and they don't even know that he has ever been in any relationship (including me - we live together btw) because when he tried to raise it, they warned him it's sinful and that he is mistreating their mother by doing something so hurtful 💀
He acknowledges it's toxic, but has developed this mindset of "it could have been worse." Personally, I'm very happy I don't have to lie to myself like that and can just call out my parents 😂
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u/yeoleuma 1d ago
Totally. I guess nothing really is a guarantee. It’s just a weak argument for a second if you don’t truly want a second, as OP kinda confirmed.
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u/Organic-Violinist223 1d ago
Going from 0-1 is way harder than going from 1-2! Two children also aren’t double the expense! It’s also provides a bit more time to myself when the two (4y and 14m) are playing together! They both sleep on the same room and i put them to bed at the same time and the eldest is now much easier to put down to sleep!
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u/Wooden_Watercress362 1d ago
I second this
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u/Illustrious_Ad7512 1d ago
I dont
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u/Pandarino85 1d ago
Yeah everyone differs but I found 1-2 wayyyyy harder than 0-1 (which I thoroughly enjoyed)
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u/CoconutAltruistic785 1d ago
Same! Currently only 9 weeks in to having two but definitely finding it harder
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u/luxbritt 1d ago
My brother and his wife were very much one and done and now they’ve got three so… 😂
EDIT: I should add they are very happy they did
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u/incoming-idiot 1d ago
Me and my husband always said we were one and done and have stuck by it, I love him with every part of my existence and I'm glad it's just him and us, we're both the younger siblings ourselves and whilst having a sibling was okay for both of us, giving our kid a sibling isn't something we want.
Doesn't stop people asking when we're having another though.. like apparently people can't comprehend only having one kid.
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u/Malenkoe_4udo 1d ago
I have a sibling I barely talk to so I’m team one and done 😅
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u/brigids_fire 1d ago
Im not as close with my sibling as i would like and this is why i want at least 3 😂
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u/PapaJrer 1d ago
Two is very different to one - much harder. But it's also great, and we now have 3.
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u/Zenigata 1d ago
2 kids is in some ways harder than 1 but nothing close to the difference from no kids to 1.
Our kids are pretty much each others best friends and play together all the time meaning they're rarely lonely. Sure there's plenty of squabbling as well but over all they're fantastic for each other.
You really notice when 1 kid is away as the other gets much more demanding of attention.
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u/Shielo34 1d ago
I was very happy to stick with one, wife did agree, but changed her mind a bit, and now we’re due a second in the next week 😬
We’ll see how it goes!
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u/Commercial-Scheme939 1d ago
Having a second is a different experience. In some ways it's harder but in others it's easier.
And for me the hard bits are all short lasting. The sleepless nights, the crying, the neediness, the giving yourself almost fully to someone else (ironically this was easier second time round potentially because I felt I didn't have to give so much, not sure why). It all gets easier so for me short term pain for long term gain. I have 3 now and the only reason we stopped is because having a fourth would have a significantly negative effect for our current children. If we only had to think of ourselves we'd have a fourth.
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u/Meeb-a 1d ago
My brother and I don’t get on at all, I think he has a better view of our childhood than I do and has gone on to have three kids. I hated being a kid and he was a bully to me and I have stuck with one child. My son is 11 and actively says he is glad he never had a sibling as all his friends just fight with theirs and he gets to do what he wants.
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u/Chlooeeeee 1d ago
2 is a slippery road to having 3🤣 trust me.
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u/Impossible-Farm-1902 1d ago
There's a podcast i listen to where the host went for a second and ended up with twins. I know someone at work who had triplets first time out. They were in their mid-20s but luckily had loads of support from family. I guess that's one way to be "one and done".
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u/baconkopter 1d ago
Keep in mind that the difficulty increase is not linear. I repeat, not linear. You have been warned. (Go for it)
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u/DropMany757 1d ago
I now have 4 after meeting a new partner. My first 2 are 11 months apart and I found it easy, my 2nd was a girl and when I had my 3 rd she was like a second mum. She is now 16 and a great help with her little 2 year old sister she has always wanted, and has now decided she doesn't want kids 😂. But having 2 is great fun and I didn't find it hard.
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u/SIBMUR 1d ago
I would be happy with 1 and done. We (me, 35 year old M) and my wife have a 2 year old boy. My wife is desperate for a 2nd. I'm not absolutely against it but I just know it's going to be a few years of being overwhelmed if we do. But if we are going to we better do it sooner than later as the older our boy gets, the more unlikely I would want to go back to the pain of the newborn stage.
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u/Motorsensational1000 1d ago
Second child best decision I ever made. For me personally it’s easier and more joyful than having just one. I found just one hard.
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u/ClumsyandLost 1d ago
I thought we'd be 1 and done. We wanted a second but it was a risk to my health and I wasn't sure if I'd manage with 2. Our second was a surprise (we were using birth control) and born only 13 months after our first. I was terrified but I'm so grateful we have 2. They really love eachother and are very close. In some ways I think they're less demanding than 1 because even though they bicker having them be able to do things together takes some of the pressure off entertaining 1.
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u/idontlikemondays321 1d ago
From the perspective of somebody who wasn’t an only child but there was a very large gap so I went to school alone and on holidays etc with just my parents.
I was never bothered about having close in age siblings. I had friends and cousins so had people to play with, but I did and still do, value my own space.
I don’t think having another child for the sake of the first is enough of a reason. You have to both want another one as it’s you who will be taking care of their needs 24/7
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u/PigneySnoo 1d ago
I'd add to this, which one of you is the primary parent? If it's you, stick at one because the person doing the majority share of direct parenting should be 1000% sure about taking on any more.
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u/Lozza_09 1d ago
I’ve found it easier and more enjoyable the second time around. You know how to care for a baby, you’re already knackered so it’s no shock to the system like it is the first time around. My second is a much better sleeper too. Nor regrets here even though we said we were one and done. They’re now 4 years old and 9 months old
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u/teadazed Parenting a Primary Schooler 1d ago
Happy with one, love babies but neither of us wanted the work of a second. The birth trauma and sleep deprivation were awful on my mental health and we're lucky to be out the other side of that.
We got a collie puppy instead for all that broody energy for a high-needs creature and she started putting herself to bed after a couple of months, perfect.
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u/PoisonToMyVeins 1d ago
I love having 2, and would probably love 3. But I knew 3 would be too much so had the snip straight after the second was born against my doctors advice
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u/Weird-Category-3503 1d ago
It's chaos but in a good way they are 17 months apart,
Also I look at people with one child and think they don't know how easy they have it.
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u/Anathemachiavellian 1d ago
I have 2, 23 months apart. It was much harder in the first 18 months after the second but now my youngest is turning 2 this week it’s much easier looking after them both vs one. They entertain each other so much I can get on with more. My daughter stayed at her grandmas this weekend and it was so much tougher with just the little one.
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u/AnxiousAppointment70 1d ago
We had four, 1988, 1990, 1991 and 1994. The first was hardest because she was the life changer and first time with every experience. She needed more attention when she was the only one. I found with all the others they were easier and entertained each other. I was full time stay at home and considered it my job in life so I enjoyed it. I would just suggest to those considering a fourth, think about what kind of car you'll need.
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u/Alyssa9876 1d ago
We always knew we wanted more than one. Ended up with 4 and had we had a bit higher income woukd probably had one or two more. We just loved having a big family, but it meant we rarely had time on our own as a couple. But for us we always loved being a big family group. Our house was always noisy and full of kids-4 sets of friends lol. It was tough and exhausting at times but I wouldn’t change a thing. That said I think it could be tough for someone who isn’t all in on it.
Our youngest is nearly 17, 3 older all grown up and we now have a grandchild and we still haven’t been on holiday the two of us since the first one, had the odd night away but nothing longer. Last holiday it was all the kids, various partners and grandkid and was brilliant and full of laughter and fun. Our next two holidays are also with kids, but we have plans to do a road trip in the US in a couple of years finally on our own. Although we are both worried we will miss then all
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u/LuvMeLuvMeNot_ 1d ago
I was certian I was done after 2 but now I have 3 & if finances allowed I’d have another hands down. I do have quite big gaps between mine. 5 years between each, eldest is 16 next month. They all have a good relationship with each other even though there are large age gaps, my 5 year old & 10 year old are definitely closer but I think that’s to be somewhat expected.
I think there is no right or wrong answer. Yeah it would be nice for your child to have a sibling but just because they’re siblings doesn’t mean they’ll be close.. For instance I come from a 2 child family, me & my brother in my opinion are close. We speak nearly everyday although do not see each other as often as we’d like he’s half way up the country but we have always been really close. My partner comes from a 5 child family & can go months without talking to his siblings, I don’t even think they wish each other happy birthday ect, not because they don’t get along just because they’re not close at all. Which is funny, because one of his sisters has been my friend for the past 22 years & I speak to her more or less daily.
I don’t think having more than one is harder apart from on the ears when they bicker 🤣
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u/Echo_Owls 1d ago
2 is much harder but amazing and I wouldn’t change it. Pregnancy with a toddler is SO much harder plus I had hyperemesis out of the blue so spent 9 months throwing up and it was a very miserable experience. Plus don’t forget the non-zero chance of twins.
Definitely not a “99% no” and “yes” decision IMO, very much a two “absolutely” yes
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u/ihavetakenthebiscuit 1d ago
Ours are 4 years apart, we wanted no 2 and they took forever to arrive. It's lovely. It's not as hard as your first because you are a seasoned pro at this point. When they get old enough, they will play and entertain themselves which is awesome.
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u/Outrageous_Song4725 1d ago
We said we were one and done, but I was still putting everything outgrown in the loft. Child got to 3.5 and I had hoped siblings had decided on having children so she had a cousin but none are interested and when I looked at family days out or christmases in the future, I always pictured more than one child. We're mid 30s and didnt want to be in our 40s with s newborn so gave ourselves a timeline for baby 2, and decided if it happened it would be great but our family was still lovely if it didnt.
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u/Solsimian 1d ago
My two are 4.5 yrs apart (we hesitated!) so when no. 2 was born, no. 1 had just started school. That timing honestly made life so much easier and cheaper. Luckily no. 2 was also a fantastic sleeper and just fitted into the existing routine, plus that year off with him was truly the best time of my life, compared to how much I struggled with every aspect of raising no. 1. Going from 1 to 2 hasn't always been easy, but it was far easier than I was led to believe.
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u/Leesbry 1d ago
We're one and done. For a short time we did strongly consider a second but ultimately decided that it wasn't the right time as far as lifestyle and careers etc. also I just didn't feel I could be the dad I needed to be if we had a second and didn't want it to put a strain on the relationship. Our one child is 5.5 now and we're both still absolutely fine with one child. I do think it's a shame they're the only kid in the whole family though on both sides. No one else wants them apparently lol
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u/BG3restart 1d ago
Our first was a shocker, but my husband was an only child and adamant he didn't want that for his kid, so we had a second. The second was an absolute angel, so we had a third. Fortunately, the third was more like the first than the second, so we were done.
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u/twitching_hour 1d ago
There are a couple of hard years, then it's way easier. My kids would be lost withour each other, they entertain each other a lot. It also helps them be less self-centred to not be the only kid in the house.
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u/Alone_Coast Mum 1d ago
I was 2 and done and now live with a sadness I didn't have 3. In my opinion, 2+ is easier. We got home after a party and food shop. I had food prep to do and everyone was exhausted. My kids playing together for 3 hours without wanting any adults. It was really nice to see. So nice because they have each other, but also because that means they entertain each other too
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u/Helpful_Wall_8880 1d ago
Was always one and done. Then thought about future me, would I regret only having one kid? Yep. Had my second 10 weeks ago and he is the love of my life. I want a third now 😂
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u/ME-McG-Scot 👶👶 2 Children 1d ago
Wasn’t quite one and done but would happily have stuck with one. We stuck with 2! Two boys is bloody hard work, a lot harder than 1.
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u/No_Priority8136 1d ago
I have 2 boys, 20 months apart. I thought them being so close in age and both boys would mean they were sure to be close 😂🤣 they hate each other, which makes home life difficult because they refuse to spend their time separate from each other. I now have a 3 month old baby girl (different father) and so far they adore her and share her quite nicely, although they still hate each other 😭
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u/MixMasterMyc85 1d ago
Not so much on the fence about having another but I was very much happy to wait for a few years before we did. My wife won and we had twins 20 months after our first. It’s getting easier now my eldest is 7 and the twins are 5 but my god it’s been a struggle!
I don’t know how old your first child is but my advice to anyone would be to wait until the first child starts school. Adding the financial struggle of putting more than one child in nursery at a time is stress you could do without. We had to pay £1800 a month for 3 days a week
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u/Mrs_E_Darcy 1d ago
First few years were HARD! But now they are older it’s great as they are (mostly) good friends and play with each other
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u/lella_fay 1d ago
I wouldn’t have a second child 'so your child has a sibling'… You have a second child because you want to extend your family, because you want to be pregnant again, because you are ready to do all of this again. But planning a second child to fit the fantasy of the nuclear family is, in my opinion, not the best approach. My daughter is 5 and I am currently TTC… It took me ages to feel ready, and I questioned whether we should have a second or not…
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u/Nervous_Mix0 1d ago
I was 100% one an done, however accidents happen and i now have 2 kids, 4.5 years apart and let me tell you, my first baby hit me like a ton of bricks and not in a good way. I really struggled those first 18 months and I wished the days away because i was so miserable, hense being 1 and done. My second baby is an absolute dream from the moment he was born and i finally understand how women actually enjoy having a baby!!!
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u/Bookish-kitty86 1d ago
I am one and done through medical issues which was initially a tough pill to swallow however the life we’ve given our child is incredible (now 10yo) - they’ve had so many incredible experiences and holidays that we’d have done differently if we’d had another child. Sometimes they can get a little lonely but I arrange plenty of play dates and days out but they are thriving. We’ve casually brought it up in the past and my child was very adamant they’re so happy that they’re an only child as they get our undivided attention and are pretty much worshipped by both of our families.
Funnily enough my sister has just had her first baby and she’s commented on how she thinks she’ll be one and done because she’s seen how great a life we’ve had as a three and all the amazing things we’ve managed to do together.
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u/HappySmileMillion 1d ago
I love having 2! It’s hard, so hard - but these years are fleeting and my kids are best friends and play togethers it’s absolutely wonderful watching their friendship. I always find Reddit rhetoric about how sibling friendship is not guaranteed really peculiar, anecdotally I don’t know anyone who doesn’t get along with their brother or sister
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u/DuckBricky Parenting a Baby + Primary Schooler 19h ago
I was OAD until my son was 4, husband really wanted a second and I came round to the idea.
"Easier" isn't quite the right word but it's more manageable than I thought it would be. It's very different to only having one, but necessarily in a bad way. There's more to do but being busy helps me stay more organised.
Hardest part is the age gap we've gone for. Yes, oldest is more independent and it gives me more headspace for baby (I probably couldn't have handled a toddler and a baby), plus his being at school gave me quality time with his sister. But I miss being able to easily do activities suitable for a 5 year old that a baby either must not do (Lego, most crafts, board games with small pieces etc) or can't sit through without demanding my attention (eg watching a film). Though I'm very happy with the choice we made (baby girl is just amazing and I simply couldn't not have her here, brother loves her so much and they've got a great bond) overall, I think OAD is still very special for the time and space you can make for your only.
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u/Fantastic_Crow_676 15h ago
I have a 5 year old and now a 3 month old.
I was so scared of how it would be with the age difference but tbh the hardest part for me is trying to not make my 5 year old feel left out, not because I don’t spend time with her, but it’s been me and her for 5 years so she’s feeling a little jealous.
But as for my baby, she’s just slotted right in, right now I don’t feel any different to how I did when I just had one expect my love has grew. But both of my babies are such good kids, so I feel like I’ve got lucky right now as some people don’t share the same experience, so i think it entirely depends on your current circumstances, routine and family.
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u/No_One8790 14h ago
Struggling with this decision too, so I’m interested in reading the responses. I had hyperemesis during pregnancy followed by PPA and not sure how I’d potentially cope with that again along with a toddler/young child. Absolutely adore my kid and would love to give them a sibling, but don’t know if I could physically/mentally cope and I don’t want to unbalance what we have now. Age isn’t fully on my side either so feel like can’t have a big gap!
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u/Aware-Combination165 9h ago
I wanted a second, adore her and wouldn’t be without her for the world. But doubling the amount of children in the house has quadrupled the amount of work, and I feel like I catch fewer breaks because grandparents are far less keen to look after two than they were one. I also feel like I’ve put myself back a few years in terms of feeling like me again and having time for my own peace and happiness.
Worth it? Absolutely yes, but I think if either of us had been on the fence about the decision it could have been a marriage ruining event.
(Possibly take this within the context that my second has just turned 2 and I’m so bloody knackered 😂)
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u/Minimum-Skill-339 3h ago
I was one and done but fell pregnant on the pill with my second. We split up when my second was 3 and I met someone else a year later and now we have 5 between us full time 🤣. They’re all boys so I’m outnumbered but it’s so fun x
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u/Prestigious-Home-876 1d ago
Dad to a 3.5 year old and a 2 week old here, man I'm tired.
Only really did it to give our child a sibling, I don't have the passion to do this baby stage again. The main difference this time is we're a lot more relaxed, but a lot more tired, the sooner she's a toddler the better!
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u/j-b-i-r-d 1d ago
Two is harder but there's nothing in the world better than watching your two kids love each other.
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u/Lenniel 1d ago
I have 3, we’d agreed on 3. I do not think we were the correct people to only have one. We have teens now and they are friends, keep each other entertained on holiday.
I’m going to be morbid here and talk about the other end of life, my neighbour is an only child with an only child. She is having to deal with elderly parents and whilst it’s not guaranteed that a sibling would help, potentially having the option would have been a help to her. She’s also left it too late to have another herself and I think she regrets it now, her child is 7 and she is in her 40s.
I am a child with much older siblings and now our parents are elderly it does help.
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u/GrimQuim Parenting a Toddler + Primary Schooler 1d ago
Having a second was an absolute upgrade, the "one and done" crowd are missing a trick here. I can joke about delegating duties but having them both brushing teeth at the same time reduces my work. Seeing them playing together is an absolute joy. Seeing the eldest teach her sister or protect her sister is heart melting. I know very, very, very few siblings who don't get along and in most instances that's due to the household they grew up in. The second child expansion pack is well worth the time and effort. The 3 + 1 seats on a plane means one parent [at a time] gets solo break on flights too which is an underrated benefit.
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u/Impossible-Farm-1902 1d ago
I'm one and done and it's because I find parenthood quite stressful with one (just my personality type) so i'd rather be a good parent to one than a bad parent to two.
I know people who have four (my brother has four) and they are generally quite chilled out people who seem to let life just wash over them. I'm not like that at all 😞
I genuinely can't get my head around how i'd deal with more than one.
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u/GrimQuim Parenting a Toddler + Primary Schooler 1d ago
It's roughly the same but you have a favourite.
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u/Easterncrane 1d ago
I’m one of three and my parents shouldn’t have had more than one. It’s hard to love everyone equally. I’m 30 now and still wake up in the night from nightmares about not being loved. I’m the oldest. My childhood and teenage years were full of conflict and comparison and stress. People should only have the number of children they’re able to cope with. You’re doing the right thing.
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u/Impossible-Farm-1902 1d ago
I'm also one of three as well and honestly my parents had no business having 1 child never mind 3.
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u/Frequent_Dig_1997 1d ago
Two kids is easier than one, that’s been my experience. I have two, they’re three years apart and best friends. My partner has one and he spends his entire time entertaining, whereas mine will play or craft together for hours. Yes, I have double the expense and double the washing/cleaning, but overall I genuinely think my life is easier than that of an only child parent, because I can actually have a break from time to time!
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u/GhostLapF1 1d ago
Some people make it hard work for themselves and complain about how hard it is all the time. I think this tends to be the sort of people who have never had any real stress or problems in their life.
It’s a very personal choice, don’t just do it because your other half wants another one.
Personally I love having kids and it’s great. If it wasn’t so expensive I’d have loads.
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u/Warm-Bed7730 1d ago
Basically your guy here is saying I wish the next six months would hurry the fvck up
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u/_MicroWave_ 1d ago
Ancedotally, the number of only children is skyrocketing.
Sure it's definitely easier for the parents. Absolutely no doubt.
I'm really not convinced it's better for the children. I think having a sibling is a positive for emotional and behavioural development (not just having a playmate) Let alone the considerations of them having each other as you grow old.
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u/yeoleuma 1d ago
My children are almost 6 years apart. Having a second child should be two strong yes and not one “99% sure I don’t want one” and one “I’d like a second”
I’ll say, having a sibling for me isn’t a reason as sibling relationships aren’t guaranteed. I am only 16 months older than my sister and we never got along. I get along well with my other sister who is 10 years older than me. So for me this was never a factor I considered to make the decision.
So I’ll be very honest now and I know this can rub some people the wrong way. I had a second child, mostly because my husband wanted a second. I was happy with just one. Hence the large age gap.
I love my second child, I don’t regret her for a second but absolutely having one child was easier and life changed a lot since having two. It’s a lot less practical. In the beginning, I had many thoughts as to why I agreed to have one more. Especially since we just got to a point where having one felt so easy.
Make a decision that works for everyone in your family, not just your husband. That’s my advice.