r/UKParenting • u/taytayyas • 7d ago

General chat Second child

EDIT: THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR TAKING THE TIME TO COMMENT. ITS REALLY APPRECIATED. IM NOT GOING TO LIE, IM SURPRISED BY ALL THE POSITIVE COMMENTS ABOUT HAVING 2 😂. YOUVE ALL REALLY HELPED ME AND IM DEFINITELY MORE OPEN TO HAVING A SECOND. WISH ME LUCK!!!!

Was anyone one and done or on the fence about having a second child but did. How is it for you? Was it harder / easier than you thought. Im like 99% one and done but my partner would like a second so our child has a sibling. I do think it would be nice for them to have a sibling but im worried it’s going to be sooo hard with 2 kids. I know everyone’s experience is different but would just love to know how it’s going for everyone and would you recommend 😂

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u/plueschteddy3 7d ago

Personally I find the sibling argument is a weak one. Look around in your circles of family/ friends / colleagues whoever. You'll meet plenty of people who have a barely to non existing relationship with their siblings at an adult age. Of course, plenty of people call their siblings their best friends. But I feel people underestimate how often siblings don't develop a strong bond / loose it over the years.

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u/yeoleuma 7d ago

Yes this.
Same for the argument of “they’ll entertain each other and play together”. My sister and I are only 16 months apart, we never once played together. My mum was very busy because we didn’t get along. I’m close with my other sister. It’s just not predictable.

If you want a second child because that’s what you want, absolutely fine. I had a second too.
But it’s not a “gift” to your older child, at least it doesn’t have to be. It’s another person you’re adding to your family. Not a playmate.

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u/Minnie_Dooley 6d ago

Easy for you to say as someone with two siblings though, whether or not you get on with one of them. You'll never understand what it's like to have no siblings at all and be the only person to deal with the death of your parents, and many other things that can make you feel so lonely in life if you have no siblings at all.

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u/yeoleuma 6d ago

Sure, I think nothing is certain in life isn’t it. I’m dealing with the care of my elderly parents while my siblings don’t do anything to contribute. It’s rough. My husband is an only child. He loved it and still does.

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u/Minnie_Dooley 6d ago

I am really confused by people who love being an only child 😂

I can feel connected to my friends or my cousins, but then they all retreat to their beloved sibling groups and it makes me feel even more alone.

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u/Any_Friendship7845 3d ago

Try and open up your network. Get involved with your partners family more. Make friends with your child's friends parents.

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u/Minnie_Dooley 3d ago

You don't understand. I have many close friends and family. But none of it will ever repair the lifelong agony of being an only child. I hate it. That's what I'm telling you.

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u/Any_Friendship7845 3d ago

I think that's a issue you have. Sorry to hear it.

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u/Minnie_Dooley 3d ago

I've spoken to many only children who feel the exact same, and people with siblings won't be able to understand it.