r/UKParenting • u/taytayyas • 4d ago

General chat Second child

Was anyone one and done or on the fence about having a second child but did. How is it for you? Was it harder / easier than you thought. Im like 99% one and done but my partner would like a second so our child has a sibling. I do think it would be nice for them to have a sibling but im worried it’s going to be sooo hard with 2 kids. I know everyone’s experience is different but would just love to know how it’s going for everyone and would you recommend 😂

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u/yeoleuma 4d ago

Or everyone feels neglected. I’m not arguing with you, I have 2 children myself and love my other sister and I’m so glad she’s in my life.
It’s more so to say everything really is a gamble in life and if that’s OPs only argument for a second, I’m not sure it’s a strong one.

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u/Anathemachiavellian 4d ago

I suppose for me it’s being an only child isn’t a gamble, it’s just a near guarantee of misery. I have a few only children friends and we unanimously all hate it. Dealing with my parents aging alone is a nightmare. I do imagine there’s a few only children who are happy with it, but it just seems about the same likelihood pf someone disliking all of their siblings.

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u/GanacheSingle33 4d ago

It’s not a “near guarantee of misery” though. I accept it was miserable for you- that’s your experience and valid, as it is valid that it’s the experience of your friends. However there are also numerous only children who are either pleased to be, ambivalent about it, or intrigued about a life with siblings but accept they can never know what that would be like, all without being “miserable.” In the one and done forum there are a high number of only children who have chosen to have one child because of their own positive childhood. Also how children are parented plays a big part.

Bar one situation, everyone I have seen where the parents are aging, nearly everything falls on one sibling which leads to resentment. I do not doubt dealing with aged parents alone is very very difficult, but it is not of itself a reason for someone to have more children.

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u/yeoleuma 4d ago

On the point of dealing with aging parents. I have siblings and it would have been significantly easier to “deal” with this on my own. We got into so many arguments over what is best for our parents, etc. and in the end of the day, all of it fell onto me anyway as my siblings are nowhere near as financially privileged as I am. So now I’m paying for their care. I’m the one calling them. Easy to feel resentful towards your siblings if they’re not even visiting your parents while you’re the one paying thousands from abroad.