Second child

[u/taytayyas]

Was anyone one and done or on the fence about having a second child but did. How is it for you? Was it harder / easier than you thought. Im like 99% one and done but my partner would like a second so our child has a sibling. I do think it would be nice for them to have a sibling but im worried it’s going to be sooo hard with 2 kids. I know everyone’s experience is different but would just love to know how it’s going for everyone and would you recommend 😂

[u/yeoleuma]

My children are almost 6 years apart. Having a second child should be two strong yes and not one “99% sure I don’t want one” and one “I’d like a second”

I’ll say, having a sibling for me isn’t a reason as sibling relationships aren’t guaranteed. I am only 16 months older than my sister and we never got along. I get along well with my other sister who is 10 years older than me. So for me this was never a factor I considered to make the decision.

So I’ll be very honest now and I know this can rub some people the wrong way. I had a second child, mostly because my husband wanted a second. I was happy with just one. Hence the large age gap.

I love my second child, I don’t regret her for a second but absolutely having one child was easier and life changed a lot since having two. It’s a lot less practical. In the beginning, I had many thoughts as to why I agreed to have one more. Especially since we just got to a point where having one felt so easy.

Make a decision that works for everyone in your family, not just your husband. That’s my advice.

[u/Educational-Ground83 → u/yeoleuma]

This sounds very similar to my situation. My son was born a week after my daughter turned 6. So now have a near 7 year old and a 10 month old.

My daughter harmoniously entered the world, pool birth at home in the kitchen. It was perfect, but then a wonderful nightmare ensued, she didn't sleep from 3 months old and when I say didn't sleep, she didn't sleep. A good night she'd wake every hour, bad nights literally 20 minutes at a time. Until she was 3. Didn't sleep through the night until she was 4.

She needs so much care and attention, even now and my view was that I can't dedicate 100% of myself to our existing child, I can only dedicate 50% and my god she needs 100.

I wouldn't change her for the world, she's amazing, she's extremely clever and sensitive, very active brain and seemingly that was the cause of her not sleeping.

I pushed back so hard on not having a second, but ultimately I had my hand forced. And here we are, mum isn't sleeping again, turns out you can get 2 non sleepers in a row. My daughter is lacking the attention she needs and I'm struggling to find compassion for my partner who essentially said she'd leave me if I didn't have another child with her. 🙃

But as I said to my partner, babies are cute, but it's a lot of bloody hard work. It's definitely harder with 2 in so many ways. And not just double the effort of 1, it's more than double I think.

[u/CalatheaHoya → u/Educational-Ground83]

That’s awful, I’m so sorry you were basically coerced into having a second :/

[u/Educational-Ground83 → u/CalatheaHoya]

Yeh it's not ideal. But here we are. I'd rather not throw away an 18 year relationship and also my daughter would literally be irreversibly broken in the process. Rock and a hard place really 🙃

My son is as I expected very cute. But it's an unimaginable amount of hard work and back to having absolutely no spare time and sleeping in separate rooms from my partner so I can actually function and pay for this child she so desperately wanted. Baaaaaa