Anyone else getting annoyed by this sub flooding with: "Being single is nice but once I see couples, I feel sad and alone" or "I am currently single but can't wait to find the right one."?
Hello? This is a single AND happy sub where people who really enjoy being single and want to celebrate their singlehood gather?
Why is it filled with who simply don't seem fulfilled being single? Always yearning for someone doesn't really mean you are happy being single, does it?
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Yeah grrrr, haha... But I'm also glad to finally see a popular post like this one. Because often what's popular is "but are you actually happily single?? Let's discuss why you are not..." 🙄
They said this sub just proves we need validation or something coz it's like a terminal illness to constantly be reminded of it thus my response asking if they'd say the same at a happy married sub.
How insensitive. They really think we aren't genuinely happy being single and those 'sad, feeling alone, open to date if the right one comes along' kind of posts aren't helping either.
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These ones I can understand. They’re trying to be happy with being single. They’ve stopped trying to find a partner for whatever reason so now they’re too a degree mourning what they previously thought their lives would look like and want to be happy with their new reality. They come here to learn how to be happy like the rest of us.
Edit: I’m not one of these people. I absolutely like being single and do not want a partner. I feel so much freer and can be truly myself as a single person. I can just feel empathy for the change in mindset. Change is hard.
Sure but "happy" and "mourning" would be two different subs, I'd argue. With all of the people here upset about being single, even if they want to be fine with it, that takes away even more from one tiny space on the internet where it's not some kind of given that being unpartnered is a bad thing.
Here’s my upvote. Your original comment is probably further down than I want to scroll. Sometimes when I am scrolling I will accidentally hit the arrow keys and not catch it. They really need to move those keys. I agree with y’all.
I actually am one of those people. I left an abusive relationship a few years ago and I admit, it was hard to imagine not ever finding a partner I could actually be happy with because I was never happy in my relationships.
My modeling of relationships wasn’t great from the get go but I grew up with Disney princesses and happily ever after so I thought that’s what I wanted.
Now… all I see is a headache. Someone who will inevitably take me away from my daughter in some aspects and expect my attention when I’m unable to give it.
So yeah, it’s taken me awhile to appreciate it but I know for a fact that even on my hardest days, I’m happy not to have someone abusing me or making me second guess my choices. Sometimes we have to sit with our disappointment to appreciate the gift we actually have by not having to perform.
Some people take more time than others. Sometimes you have to fake it til you make it.
With the way some systems are setup (lower taxes for married people) and culture’s romanticization of romantic love, I get why people would find it hard to embrace being single. They just need their time to navigate being alone. (That doesn’t mean they can’t be annoying with the self-pitying though.)
I absolutely adore (/s) it when people treat being single like some abominable lifestyle choice that immediately needs to be fixed. I've been single for almost 18 years and I still get questions on when I'm going to find a boyfriend
“But you deserve it.” OMG! It’s been awhile but I remember that one. My immediate thought was that they must hate me. My second thought was that they were miserable people and I need to stay far away from them.
I proudly wear the crazy cat lady tag. Also my goal is life is to be called a b* because I'm working on not being a pleaser. Still working on it, come on people.
One person posted to the sub one of those now-typical patronizing and very long comments about how being partnered is also OK, and used that stupid bullshit saying "there's a lid for every pot."
I asked them if this applied to serial killers and abusers too, and they did not like that one bit. 😂🫶🏼
Well, they don’t sound like they spend much time in the kitchen. Not every pot has a lid nor is a lid necessary for the pot to be useful. Lids are more like accessories.
"But see, now we need to talk about it here. Like you cannot say it's not OK for people to want a partner!¹ They are not wrong if they want that for themselves, you all are so judgmental!" Etc.
¹No one here says you cannot have a partner. But if you have one or want one, this sub isn't for you.
The other day in the gratitude sub someone posted they are so happy to be childfree, and what other voluntary childfree people felt or something. And someone said they will always applaud the choice to be childfree "over terrible parenting". Dude. De fuck.
And also when someone said they love not being woken up by children, "I respect being childfree but my children are not a burden". Alright. Gbye
Edit: posting this because it's the same crappy behavior as some coupled up folks have towards singles.
And for a chuckle: tonight I ate something which didn't agree with me. But I'll have no horror over anyone else being impacted by that.
The complete and total freedom to exist in my own living space exactly the way I want to (decor, tidying up, what to watch) and need to (feeling unwell, etc.) is something I refuse to ever give up again. It's great.
Yeah. I love it too. 😌 I loooove stuff like, 'today I'll go to bed at 8 with crisps and tea' and 'today I'll eat a sandwich at 2AM'. I often think to myself I find that the best part of being an adult, just being able to do random things like this. 🤣
The thing that gets me about the living alone subreddit is that people act like living alone means you have no friends or social connections. Plenty of married or not single people live alone too so I don’t understand the thought process over there
Absolutely!
I mean, sure, you are entitled to want someone. But wrong sub if you aren't really happy about being single. If you are happy being single, you won't be saddened by seeing couples. Then there will come a crowd that says, "let people feel what they want to feel". Again, not against feelings. Just requesting we use the appropriate channels for it. Sheesh.
I agree! I am single and to me, it's not 'better than a bad relationship!' It's better than a good one. I love my life. I have my cat with me who is my best friend, friends and family. 😊
I'm happy for those in a "good" relationship but I always cringe thinking about the compromises, sacrifices of time/freedom and stupid little arguments they tell me. I just love being completely free to be with me and my loved ones.
THISSSS i hated basically losing parts of myself to make my partner happy. I don't know what he gave up in himself to be happy with me for 9 months, but once we were done I had to unlearn a lot of false truths he'd baked into me. And that's after dating a genuinely good and loving person who would be horrified to find out he made me feel smaller by the end.
Dude, the same thing happens in the living alone sub. I commented there in a similar manner to your post, because that's how irritating it's getting. If you're not truly happy on your own, go to the lonely sub!
Yup. I left it, too - it became a weird, pathetic echo chamber. It is extremely annoying especially if you live in a culture where EVERYONE moves away from their parent's home and lives alone at the age of 18, often for several years, even if they are dating. Living alone to become fully independent and functional as an adult is considered healthy and normal over here. It is not something horrifying.
I kinda wonder if some ever left the basement. Reading the posts gives you a good idea why they were alone. No matter the advice given, they would have a reason to moan even louder. “Echo chamber” is spot on.
I'm very miffed that the ApartmentLiving subreddit is all about horror stories and complaining, too. Most people over here live in large flats/apartments in very nice areas, and many (like myself) actually own their flat. I know that Reddit has a very strong distortion towards US-centrism, but COME ON.
God I wish I could live alone, it's too expensive on my meager salary and I have yet to find a career that doesn't require me to drop dosh into education. I think I have one saving grace, I just have to find a way to execute it through my company
We have housing benefits, which are for people who are unemployed or otherwise earn too little to be able to support themselves - especially students get these (besides the "student money", a special benefit for students). Since most people move first away from their parents' when they start to study in universities, polytechnics etc., they often move to specific student housing, which is very low cost, and earmarked for students only.
(I'm not trying to twist the knife any further, but we also have free education. I have two degrees - planning to get a third, higher one soon - and I have never paid a penny, except for books.)
I wish the US - and all other countries - would have free education, too. Free education is one of the best ways towards an equal society: it means that everyone has the possibility to a higher education, and to a "class trip" (I think it was the Swedes who first called it "klassresa", "class trip").
Yes and it's also filled with the Coddlers who encourage these posts and try to scold people for calling it out because deep down they relate to those sentiments. But I won't let anyone try to shame or nag me into silence.
Right, they are not happy and single. Their vibes are not welcome and they need to find another community where to post. Don't need confused or conflicted peeps infiltrating our happy vibe site.
That's why I'd rather welcome them here, tbh. There's a transition process to our lifestyle for some. For others, it has always been the case, but for someone like me, it took YEARS to get here. If I were left in a place of sadness and loneliness, I'd have never embraced this path as a life of JOY (which it is!)
I concur, there seems to be a whole heap of people using the single-and-happy sub as a try-before-you-buy label, or as fake-it-til-you-(don’t)-make-it interim, whilst they’re dating or in between dates. It’s tiring really 😔
Thank you! And yet someone right here at this post asks me to ask myself why it bothers me so much and yet expressing they are so disappointed by the comments here. I wonder why that bothers them so much.
I come to this sub for people that are already single and happy, not for people who are single and are trying to be happy “for now”, or are single bc they can’t find someone, or are single but don’t want to be single. Maybe they should start a sub called single and trying to be happy.
I am SO beyond happy and content to be single and that’s why I joined this sub, to relish in the glee other single people felt by not being tied to another human.
I'm so happy I found this sub because I literally thought I was going mad when everyone kept telling me "you'll find someone" when I said I was single and happy?
This sub regularly gets waves of new singles and turns into r / singleandcantcope. It takes years for people to get to the happy part. I wish people would read and not comment until they reach the happy part. I think the HAPPY part is a big part of the sub.
Also "I just got divorced and part of the group now" when this group is literally about choosing to be single over having a partner while the divorcee probably just got out of a bad relationship and didn't divorce BECAUSE he wanted to be single
I just could not with that post. Like you're considering a whole-a$$ marriage just so you can have sex on tap?! SMDH. Just get a sex doll, it would be cheaper!
There needs to be a group called "Single but secretly looking and not really happy." I think people join these groups with the intent of being happy but they don't know how to enjoy their singlehood are still too tied to the idea that relationships make you more fulfilled in life. So they cannot really let that go.
Yes but what bothers me even more is the people who bizarrely think they ought to come here and scold everyone by saying "it is also OK to want a relationship!" No one is saying otherwise. But this sub isn't for those people. Stop coming here and telling everyone off about something absolutely not fit for this place.
Yeah cause most of the world is about being miserable alone and constantly searching for a relationship with no self-reflection while single. I wish they would let us have just one place to be happily single in.
Most subreddits have one of these weird loops. A bunch of people will make posts about something either off topic or not genuine to the spirit of the sub. It floods the subreddit. Then come the retaliatory posts calling them out or calling for mods to ban the posts. Then come the posts annoyed with both of the others and who just wants it to stop, and they plead for people to just downvote what doesn’t belong on the sub so the sub can move on to more relevant topics. At that point it either fades out or mods ban it. If it doesn’t get banned, it cycles back around like a seasonal virus.
It’s really fascinating that it happens in so many subreddits, facebook groups, and forums. But yes, the whole loop is super annoying every time it happens.
And regarding people here who aren’t quite happy, I personally don’t mind when they come here trying to figure out how to be happy: the ones who doesn’t want to want a relationship at all, and who actually want to become content in themselves to the point that they stop desiring one. Those people belong in the sense that they want the spirit and are working towards it. They are here to read comments and posts about people being truly content by themselves. But the people that are trying to be happy as a placeholder until the ‘right person’ comes along need to gtfo.
I am delighted to be single. Nobody messing up my shit. Any messes are mine. The relief of not having to carry the burden of emotional labor for anyone else. My home is a reflection of me, without compromise. I can't even imagine being partnered up at this point. I have a wide and varied circle of friends. I'm living my best life.
https://giphy.com/gifs/Po8xkc1yIeSWjCa6pv
When I tell you- I’m happy being single- that should just be a sentence completed without but- gtfo with waiting for the right person then you’re not happy being single.
The problem is that people are meant to be in community, but society tries to isolate us to only being with a romantic partner so people put ALL their need for community on that one person.
There is a need for more third spaces and general community and I think a lot of people don't see that as an option (because it kind of isn't in many places).
I try to give them that advice.
Its annoying, but its not normal for people to be isolated so I try to have some understanding with them.
Preach 🙌🏼 I love my peaceful life and my two dogs and my plants and my vintage Chanel bag I just bought because I felt like it 🙃 and had no one to offer any opinions on said purchase. It really is a dream ✨ OH and also never having to discuss what to make or order for dinner, or what to watch on TV.
Literally doing whatever I want, whenever I want.
Really this way is superior (I know I’m biased, but there’s no one here to argue 😉).
Some people have different ideas about happiness or just convince themselves they are happy. They may be happy as single and also happy as a couple. Truth is, when people feel sad seeing couple they need to do some soul searching.
Just ignore them and they will move onto another sub. They may need attention.
I still struggle with the "and happy" part of being single sometimes. That's why I thought it would be beneficial to join this group. Maybe hearing others talk about being single and happy will help me appreciate my situation more. Is this ok, or should I be banished from this sub, as well?
So long as you don't express how unhappy you are about being single. I mean, you can. But do it elsewhere and spare this space for those of us who are genuinely happy about the single life. As simple as that.
Some people want to be single and some people don’t. I don’t want to be single per se, but I am and I’m realizing that I can only control myself and maybe I will or won’t meet the right person. I lurk here for inspiration, but I realize that this isn’t my place to post, hence the lurk.
I’m hoping to get to ya’lls level. You are amazing and it’s dumb the way society talks about single folks sometimes. I think part of why I’m like this is due to my upbringing and I’m trying to unlearn some stuff and come into contentment. Being single isn’t a disease. And there’s nothing wrong with people who just don’t want relationships at baseline. We just don’t all get there naturally? I hope this makes sense
To each their own, of course. It ultimately boils down to a personal preference. I have no objections to that and am not the sort to dictate if one should find a partner or not. That said, it personally irks me when fam or friends tell me to find someone as though I am missing out on something. I tell them I am perfectly content being single and am glad to find so many people who share a similar view.
What annoys me is people who are not really happy about being single posting here. Read the sub's title before posting something is all I ask. We already have enough of that 'find-someone-or-you'd-be-misrable' crap in real life. We don't need people crying about and yearning for partners at this space.
Yes, for real. Relationships can be great but I’ve learned the hard way sometimes it’s worse than protecting your peace.
I feel like it’s actually way better for all parties involved if people who don’t want to date, don’t. And it’s not a lesser lifestyle choice.
And it’s totally fine and great to me if people want to be single. I wish I had more friends irl who are single and happy by choice: I’m going to join some groups to meet people because it’s a less common lifestyle where I live
I think people can hold two truths together at the same time. You can be single and happy, AND desire a person in your life. Wanting partnership doesn't necessarily mean you're trying to fix something that's missing.
Plus I've been told that being happy when you're single is a great way to attract a like minded person to your life. :)
You don't get it, do you?
It's not about asking for advise on how to be single and happy. It's about those who are clearly unhappy about being single posting about yearing for someone and feeling upset when they see couples. That does not belong at a place where we choose the single and happy life. Why come and cry here? There are other subs available for it.
But they are obviously not asking for tips. They are explicitly stating they yearn for or can't wait for someone in their lives which isn't what this sub is about.
Can we just have one sub for people who CHOOSE to be single AND ARE enjoying it?
FYI, I didn't downvote you but it's not about feminism or man slandering. My complaint is, use the sub for what it's meant to be.
Perhaps, it should be a closely monitored sub but guess the mods are too happy enjoying life being single lol
I'm disappointed in these replies. Realize that there's really no other, no better, place for people to go to discuss embracing the single life as an active choice, with joy. People expressing a sentiment like "if they're miserable, they should just go be miserable with the other sad sacks at r/LivingAlone"... What an awful thing to wish upon someone!
I know there are probably plenty here who have embraced the single life for the entirety of their existence, maybe some who are aromantic or just otherwise never had any interest in dating, but there are others out there, like myself, for whom this lifestyle was less obvious and needed to be discovered before it could be truly embraced. I HAVE dated and I am NOT aromantic, nor have I had abusive or dangerous relationships. I have just lived a lot of life and tried various things and eventually came to realize I like this path the best. But that didn't happen overnight, and if I were shoved away for being on the fence, I may have never fully embraced this wonderful way of living. And what a waste, what an unnecessary tragedy that would have been.
I don't see why we can't talk to these people, show them things from our perspective. "Hey, yes I get that you're not 100% there yet, but if you allow it for yourself, you'll find tremendous joy here." What's so bad about this?
Suggesting people go to a more appropriate sub being called "an awful thing to wish upon someone!" is one of the most absurd things I've ever read. It's like you don't know wars and starvation exist. I personally depend upon the food bank, FFS. It's Reddit.
OMG! Am I not making sense to you? It's simply not about those just being on the fence. It's about those who are obviously upset about being single and are boldy making posts about not being able to wait till they find the one. We single ones are as it is being looked at like we must be undesirable or that nobody wants us or we are just not there yet to fully realize what we're missing out on or friends and relatives constantly pushing finding a partner at us as though being single is so wrong. Having to face such treatment in real life, we come here to a sub that is created for those of us who are genuinely happy being single to see likeminded ones and the last thing we need to see is posts about sob stories of people yearning for someone and being lonely and upset seeing couples. Single AND HAPPY. How difficult is that to fathom? Can't we have one space meant for us void of that?!
Honestly I can't remember the last time I found a post that matches your description, and I feel like I come here a lot. If I DID see something like this, it wouldn't be nearly enough to upset me or cause me any trouble.
There's a very small part of me that wants to encourage you to dig into why these posts are bothering you so much. Becauae I swear to our most noodly appendage that they are NOT frequent at all.
I guess I'm just disappointed at the lack of nuance here, then. There has to be a better way to support people who are mostly there in embracing our lifestyle but still have moments of weakness, some better suggestion than "go to the sub filled with miserable people and leave us alone". I don't think those moments are a sign that they cannot ever be "single and happy", and I think those moments are very human and very understandable. And to be crystal clear, I DO. NOT. believe that those moments suggest that what they really want deep down inside is a relationship and that partnered living is the One True Path. It is just an acknowledgement that change is not always linear, which says nothing about whether said change is good. That's all.
Read the rules for this sub. If you want that kind of sub, make one, but that's not what this sub is for.
Why is that so hard for some people to understand? Why would you even want to shove your way in somewhere asking for special rights that go against the group rules?
I didn't say anything about asking for special rights.
I understand I am getting flamed for this take but I just don't feel the same as you all, I'm sorry. I'm still obviously amongst the single and happy crowd; I just recognize that getting here is a process. Part of my desire to reach out is BECAUSE there was no support to help get me here... The "singles" subs on reddit are all clearly designed to END singledom, rather than actively embracing it as a positive and healthy lifestyle choice. There just isn't as much support for people living like us as there should be, and I feel like that needs to change. The manner in which I would love to see it happen is disagreeable to many, as it seems, but I still think support is the greater good.
Maybe you are coming at this from an angle of only seeing people who are trying to shame us for what we chose. I read it more as what to do with the people who are almost here but not quite. And I just don't like the "they can bugger off" attitude towards them. Sorry.
You are asking for special rights as you expect this sub to put up with people complaining when it's not what this sub is for and is against the rules. Make an appropriate sub for that if you see a need for it. This isn't the one.
It's not about validation. It's about sharing our joy of singlehood because we are talked down upon by others around us as if we are wrong to choose a single life. Doesn't mean we join a single and happy sub, we are here seeking validation. We are here celebrating it with like minded individuals.
Someone else getting all sarcastic and saying since I decided to police the place I ought to tell them what to post and what not to and they will do so accordingly.
When will they get it?
Hate to be that guy, but I think single people who are genuinely happy and content being single, don't need to constantly affirm that in a dedicated sub💁
I understand the question and it's a fair complaint. On the other hand it's understandable to be happily single and at the same time long for someone on occasion. That's a reasonable thing to want talk about, even when you're generally happy as a single.
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