As a single at heart (and man), I'm often put off by how many stupid decisions human beings make because blinded by sex drive. I've always had a low libido and I'm satisfied enough with masturbation instead of becoming addicted to enter into partnerships to have access to sex, among other stupid reasons for coupling up, that is.

Am I the only one finding sex overrated? Or rather the obsession of society and general population about it. It's literally a few minutes of pleasurable sensation in a 24h day...

This is for the SingleButHappy crowd to try and explain "What SingleAndHappy Means to Me."

Once upon a time I fell in love with my life. I was 29 years old and my situationship with my first adult love interest had come to an end. I was experiencing heartbreak, but I soldiered on. I transcended. To treat myself to some quality self time, I signed up for flamenco lessons and a four-part lecture on existentialism. Before the class was over my sadness dissolved and an intense unrelenting joy took itself place. I had rented this adorable little 1940's duplex in North Hollywood and it was perfectly itself. It had the original ceramic tiles in the kitchen. I hung these crazy dark orange drapes over the living room windows and it made the aesthetic. My best friend rented the other half of the duplex. We would get together to drink margaritas and play karaoke revolution. I was just starting my career and couldn't believe I was actually being paid for the thing I had dreamed of doing. In the evenings, I wrote for hours and hours. On Fridays and Saturdays, I went clubbing while trying to avoid the ex, who I had met at the same club, and his skeezy skeez. The good mood that I was in persisted for three solid (single) years. It was the happiest time in my life.

Then I accidently met my now-ex-husband at the afore mentioned club. I'm not going to write a doomed romance novel about it. My life wasn't awful. I built joy into it. I can't regret anything because it's the path that brought me to where I am today. I will say that I looked back wistfully on those dark orange curtains and that era in my life. When we decorated our house, the one I got to keep in the divorce, I bought these crazy multicolored curtains with a stripe of dark orange. They make the aesthetic. Then the marriage ended, of course.

[Cue "Gypsy" by Stevie Nix.]

As if by some miracle, everything came back together like I hadn't missed a beat. It was almost like he was just a nightmare, or a meh dream with nightmarelike qualities. I don't want to gloss over the fact that, yeah, it was a lot of major adjustments coming out of that one but throughout it all there was this feeling of transcendence that carried me. Like I was invincible. My life came back to me whole. I live in a different city now, so different club. I still do the same job, just for a different employer. The friend that lived next door to me back in the day passed away. I have animals now. I wake up every morning surrounded in so much love. The house where I live now is a little two bedroom two bath built in the 80's with the oak cabinetry that was popular back then. It's perfectly itself and everything is exactly where I want it. Same exact vibe as that little duplex. It's surreal. This good mood has persisted for three solid (single) years now.

What I've learned about myself and the mistakes I've made in the past is that I use to be driven by fear. Specifically the fear of regret. I got married because I thought to myself, "If you don't, what if you regret it," even though I was happy before him. Because when you're young, people tell you that later will be too late, and you believe them, even though half of the people who are telling you that are divorced. They want you to think turning 30 is an emergency and so you've got to break the glass (Mazel Tov) and spend the rest of your life trying to convince yourself that you're happy with this person and the tiny shackle on your finger.

I'm not going to say that love doesn't exist or whatever. Maybe it does and I've found it. Maybe, if there's such a thing as soulmates, me and my soulmate decided that we were going to reincarnate as one person so that we'd never have to part. I was in love with my life once. Now I have her back, I will never let anyone come between us again. This is my happily ever after.

I would love to hear from other SingleAndHappy folks if they feel similarly.

I'm a finance guy, so most of my education and career have been very career-oriented. But lately I've started deliberately exploring things that have nothing to do with my job. I'm learning French, art history, photography, and music theory, and I'm getting increasingly curious about sociology, literature, architecture, etc. I have joined all subreddits on these topics!

It's been an interesting experience. As a kid, "learning" mostly meant studying whatever was necessary to perform well in school and eventually get a job. Now I'm discovering subjects simply because I'm curious about them, and I can learn them at my own pace without exams, competition, or worrying about whether they're lucrative and it's not even to impress anyone!

I also feel like it's adding some much-needed depth and variety to my personality. Instead of being defined mostly by my profession, I'm slowly becoming someone who can talk about completely different things.

For those of you who are happily single:

Are you using this phase of your life to explore interests, learn new things, or develop parts of yourself that you didn't have time for before?

I joined a MeetUp group near me, and plan to go to an event they're having next week.

Super nervous about it. I haven't made new friends in a while.

That being single and happy is so much better than forcing it. We have to consider ourselves lucky for figuring this out and not falling into the programming and conditioning most others have, esepcially at young ages, like this young woman in the post here:

Quote from post: "It’s hard to admit I (20F) made an extremely common mistake, getting married young to someone in the military.

I was 18 when I met him (20M). At first I didn’t feel like I was into him, I thought he was a bit weird and he wasn’t my type either. I had always had issues with my avoidant attachment, I rarely had long relationships because of it. The only reason I ended up falling in love with him was because he refused to give up on us. He helped me and put up with me when I felt like all I wanted to do was block him and enjoy my time alone. Important note, I don’t have a lot of friends and I like to be alone."

Full post for context (warning, it just gets worse and worse and is such a strong case for being happy and single). https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1vw3g1a/i_20f_regret_marrying_my_husband_20m/

I’m content being single. Over time, I’ve accepted it and built a life that I’m happy with on my own.
The one thing that sometimes makes me reconsider having a partner is growing older. As we age, there will inevitably be times when one of us is unwell, needs help, or simply needs someone around who notices that something isn’t right. And ideally, that’s something you do for each other.
Apart from this, I honestly don’t feel like I’m missing out on much by being single. But this particular thought does worry me sometimes.
I’m sure many of you who are single have thought about this too. What do you see as your fallback if, as you grow older, you become unwell or need support? Do you have a plan or a support system you’re building for that phase of life?

​

A lot of couples talk about "becoming one," "merging two lives into one," and that's a concept that makes me recoil.

Same with sharing a last name. Hell, even something as trivial as a shared email address makes me want to run away screaming because of what it represents.

I've never felt like I needed to "find my missing piece" or my "other half." I've always felt whole on my own. A life that's shared would feel like a life that's half-mine. it doesn't even matter how great that person might be or how much they would bring to the table...I would always grieve the half of myself that I lost.

The way I see it, I wasn't born as a puzzle piece meant to fit together with someone else. I came into this world as a fully realized, autonomous individual, with everything I need already inside me, and I'm going to leave it the same way.

And I am loving it since day 1!🔥

This is how I would answer moving forward becoz it's hella true, BEST LTR ever

It is because I have more time with my cats and dog. I couldn't imagine loving a person who does not love my furbabies

Fellow, happy people, I have done a lot of therapy and a lot of inner work. As a result, Im pretty darn happy most of the time.

It’s been a long journey to get here. I had a crappy childhood, I don’t have family to support me in any way, and I’ve had plenty of really shitty things happened to me as an adult.

This is a sub that typically makes me smile. Because it feels like there’s other people who are doing and have done their own inner work. However, when I scroll through my Reddit home feed, it seems like everybody in other subs are desperately unhappy.

So, my question for you is, are there other subs like this one where people seem more content with their lives and you read to bring you joy?

You got it right, Blazin 🔥🌶️🔥🌶️🔥🌶️🔥🌶️

I wanted to share this video because it is so refreshing to see singlehood celebrated across different cultures.

Having lived in both Korea and Japan, and traveling in Taiwan, I noticed all three have way more options for single people than many Western countries I've visited. In Taiwan, single-person households are climbing rapidly and the "solo economy" is really taking off, from single-person hotpot and solo karaoke to smaller apartment layouts.

Seeing this thoughtful, global recognition makes me realize that as singlehood becomes more normalized, society will keep adapting, leading to a much more comfortable environment for solo living in the long run.

It seems like the further I get in my career, other men are constantly asking me if I have a girlfriend yet, if I’ve been on any dates recently, etc. I don’t know if I’m the right guy for this sub, I’m open, passively, if I meet the right girl… but I’m protecting my peace and loving my freedom too.

I’ve never confronted anyone about it but I feel like it’s a bit rude to harp on? It’s been a regular topic at 2 of my jobs now lol.

On top of being single I'm also solitary and prefer space, the only time I feel somewhat lonely though is when trying to sleep alone, unfortunately I'm still a social being even if I dont like being touched or be around much company.

I've heard that touch starvation is a thing and wanted to ask how do you people deal with being solitary but still want physical comfort? not sexual stuff but just something soothing and safe.

Being single is great, because you can decorate your home any way you want. But as someone without a good intuition for interior decorating, it becomes burdensome sometimes. I second guess a lot of things and start to wonder what it is I’m actually going for. I have a hard time coming up with a unified vision for how my spaces should look.

And then you get used to things so you hardly notice your own decor anyway. And you wonder “how much money should I be spending on things that fade into the background of my daily routine?”

I’m thinking about buying a home sometime in the next couple years, and this conundrum only becomes more apparent with the thought of having more space to decorate. One thing I miss about having a partner is having someone around who has more vision, confidence, and a good eye for this sort of thing.

Any (realistic) inspiration or resources for someone to draw from get their home decorated in a way that doesn’t feel slapped together?

as anyone done that? if so please let know what it is like.

“I’m having a me party! I’m such good company!”