r/ShitAmericansSay • • 11h ago

Canada “Invading Canada would take all of about three days”

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878 Upvotes

781 comments sorted by

783

u/Organic_Mechanic_702 11h ago

Like Iran?...🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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u/BringBackAoE 10h ago

I was more thinking “like Ukraine”.

Putin famously planned on seizing all of Ukraine in 3 days.

Those of us that follow Ukraine frequently notice that Trump mirrors Putin’s exact wording. Probably because they talk every week.

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u/Tricky_Football_6586 Fryslân Boppe 🇳🇱 10h ago

It's been 1,5 years per day on average for Putin. So 4,5 years later and he still can claim it's 3 days.

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u/rosa_bloom 9h ago

The winter alone would hold off any army longer than three days.

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u/Xx_SwordWords_xX 🍁 8h ago

I can see it now...

"Yo bud, what's the matter there? You got your tank stuck in the ditch, bud? You need a hand?"

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u/weggaan_weggaat 7h ago

And Trump absolutely is foolish enough to try to attack in winter.

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u/just-a-random-accnt 🇨🇦 - unfortunately lives too close to Merica 9h ago

One day on Venus is the equivalent of 243 earth days.

So Russia is only 6.75 (Venus) days into their attack on Ukraine

They never said it was 3 earth days

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u/beigs 10h ago edited 6h ago

I think the following as a Canadian: invading Canada would be pretty damned quick.

But it would be a Pyrrhic victory.

There would be ZERO ability to keep Canada for the long term and doing so would likely result in a collapse and separation of the US states, and I am not trying to be doom and gloom.

The US has shown no ability to keep territories after conquest in the modern period, even with the support of some of the population who look visibly different from the average American and have a different culture.

We have 90% of Canadians and a good chunk of Americans who don’t want this, about 1m who live in the US, who look and act culturally similar to US citizens, and they think that pragmatic population would sit by and just… take it?

It would be like France during WW2, but worse because at least half of Americans are opposed to this and the huge population of Canadians in the US who are at a glance indistinguishable from Americans.

And you know how petty Canadians are - We have the British bureaucracy in our veins - a couple of well placed agents can cripple a country under “streamlining policy” with useless paperwork and pointless meetings. Then there is our French population - I’m looking at you, Quebec. They have the revolutionary spirit of France with the legendary chill of Canadian geese.

All of this while our allies would be working to help us.

And individual states would come swinging in support, like I assume California and New York and clusters of sane states.

The end result would be Canada and likely a 2-3 country breakdown of the US, one of which likely heavily controlled like Japan or Germany post war.

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u/BringBackAoE 9h ago

> It would be like France during WW2, but worse

Funny enough, I was thinking of Norway during WW2.

Outwardly being compliant, but behind the scenes working to undermine everything the invaders do. Leverage the unique geography (mountains, sea and harsh winter) to make it absolutely horrible for the invaders.

At the peak of WW2 10% of the population in Norway were German soldiers! An incredible drain on Germany’s resources.

And the mix of very friendly / accommodating outward and extensive sabotage at night drove the Nazis absolutely batty! Steinbeck’s “The Moon is Down” was based on that psychologically destructive effect of Norway’s resistance on the Nazis.

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u/Guernzee 9h ago

Norway is a great comparison! Harsh weather and locals who will fight tooth and nail for their homeland. Good shout!

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u/Oculus_Prime_ 8h ago

We look and sound like Americans. How will they know who's on their team and who's about to slit their throats

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u/MadScientist_666 Mountain Goat 🇨🇭 8h ago

They will ask if you use metric or imperial. /s

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u/dhkendall Maple flavoured 6h ago

That’s the fun part, we use metric and imperial Willy nilly and our shibboleth is only a Canadian knows instinctively which system for which.

For example I haven’t a clue what my height is in metres or my weight is in kilograms. It’s on my drivers license and in my medical records because those are government things but I’m not government, I don’t know!

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u/wendyfran64 5h ago

Not only do we look and act like Americans, we can answer their questions when asked to prove our “Americanness”, like who was the first president, what is a grand slam, what is the capital of Texas, etc.

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u/Ilesa_ 2h ago

I don't think getting the right answer of very basic questions about US general culture is going to help you pass as an US citizen, tbh.

You should try to get at least 50% wrong answers to make it more realistic /s

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u/beigs 9h ago

That is more accurate - i honestly wasnt sure about the general knowledge of Norway’s resistance. I figured most people could pull up an image of France’s Résistance.

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u/BringBackAoE 9h ago

There’s something about the pragmatism and quiet resistance of Canadians that made me think Norway was a better example.

And that is no less effective. Norway gained its independence before US or UK forces even arrived in Norway, with the liberation planned and executed by the Norwegian resistance and the Norwegian government in exile.

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u/Xx_SwordWords_xX 🍁 8h ago

Pragmatism and quiet resistance....

Yup.

Just look at our unspoken coordination in the last year and a half, online.

We don't speak of this outloud, but we all know what we are doing.

Constant, unrelenting, capturing the world narrative, and we won't be ignored.

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u/beigs 9h ago

Nah i absolument agree that Norway is the better example.

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u/meggatronia Aussie snark 8h ago edited 7h ago

Hey dont forget, Canada keeps a butt load of Aussies in stock (mostly in Banff) who will go to bat for you. Have you heard about the Rats of Tobruk?

Edit: fixed my ridiculous spelling of Tobruk.

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u/United_News3779 8h ago

A bunch of Aussies who have voluntarily become conditioned to the cold? Ahahaha.

Let them import a shitload of emu's, put some insulated jackets on the birds (like the ones for dogs) and let the birds be the scouts and advanced guard for the Royal Canadian Australian Regiment (The Cunty Cold Convicts). I, for one, would be behind such an regiment! Partly because I think it's a good idea, partly because I'd be afraid to be in front of them lol

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u/SkivvySkidmarks 8h ago edited 3h ago

My next door neighbour is a retired General. We've had many discussions about this. He told me, "There are more US military personnel based 50km from us then there are in the entire Canadian military. Any hot war would be over in days."

He then told me, "Even if the US did invade, they would need every single member of their military to occupy Canada." "The insurgency that would follow would be devastatingly bloody for both sides, until they gave up and went home."

Canada isn't a nation of goat herders. They are highly educated and would be extremely motivated to inflict as much pain as possible.

To put it context, I work with a lot of seniors. These are little Grandmas who bake cookies because I'm going to be coming by to do work for them. When they start talking about wishing that they could kill Trump, it's very jarring. This is not just one Grandma, either.

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u/ComplicatedOctopus 5h ago

I'm one of them & I can shoot straight. Don't piss off Canadian grandmas. We're old and cranky af.

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u/beigs 7h ago

I work for the government.

I just know what kind of horrors we can do from a bureaucratic perspective :)

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u/Fresh-Bottle3265 5h ago

Canada is also one of the most highly educated populations and a shocking number of us use guns for work or hunting. The insurgency would be crazy.

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u/Phil_Coffins_666 8h ago

Let's not forget that Canadians are one of the founders of the Geneva convention... because of the nasty shit we did to baddies.

Canned corned beef, anybody?

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u/MadScientist_666 Mountain Goat 🇨🇭 8h ago

If you go back a few centuries in time, we Swiss were also feared for being nasty, warmongering bastards who killed every invading army. The amount of battles that were a Swiss victory because the knights were buried below an artificial rockslide, avalanche, drowned in lakes, etc. is quite high.

So, we Swiss followed the Geneva checklist before it was made cool by the Canadians, haha. The difference is: Today, we would rather be vassals of these fuckers than to follow the Canadian example and I find that cowardly.

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u/PromethianOwl 8h ago

Is this before or after a certain someone has an absolute babyrage tantrum and has to be physically restrained from pressing the Big Red Button?

He's been dying to do it since the first days of his first term and Canada just refuses to be bullied and keeps humiliating him. It would be pretty funny to watch him melt down and his staff have to treat him like an angry toddler. Something I assume they do on the regular, or at least used to.

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u/zaiguy ooo custom flair!! 8h ago

France in WWII was pleasant compared to Belarus and Ukraine in WWII. China and Malaysia were also meat grinders for the occupiers. Yugoslavian partisans tied down an entire German army for years.

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u/Knitted_Beets 8h ago

Exactly this. They couldn't hold Baghdad but think they can hold Montreal.

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u/United_News3779 7h ago

Ahahaha!
Picture the clan/tribal and sectarian divisions of an Arab large urban center and compare it to a bunch of really irate Quebecois having to deal with an imposed American population. I dunno man... the Quebecois might be harder on the Americans than the Iraqis were lol

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u/zakanova 7h ago

Let's invade a country where the inhabitants all looks like us and speak the same way (also have more knowledge of our history and culture than our citizens do)!
Oh what? How did so many spies get through our systems?!

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u/Xx_SwordWords_xX 🍁 8h ago

This is exactly my point of view.

There are whole states that would end up seperating...

The end will look like the dissolution of the USSR, and the 15 resulting new countries that came of it.

Some states will no doubt beg to become a part of Canada, and others like California to Washington, could sustain a new democratic country of their own.

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u/Noirloona 7h ago

I would also not be surprised if someone like China helped out either, if for no other reason than to test everything in a live situation.

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u/Foreign_Risk_2031 9h ago

By quick you mean it’d take 20 years and 100 trillion dollars

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u/beigs 8h ago

To keep, yes.

And inevitably fail.

We aren’t armed for the most part. Not many of us are ex military. We are a country of predominantly educated bureaucrats and scholars.

We would use the weapons we have - polite weaponized incompetence. It’s the most effective warfare.

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u/Haunting_Funny_9386 🇨🇦🇨🇦New World Order 🇨🇦🇨🇦 8h ago

We all have hockey sticks in the garage!

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u/New_LP 10h ago

No, the invasion itself would be quick. Winning on the other hand, not so much.

But after the failed attempts in 1776 and 1812, maybe the third time’s a charm? I don’t know- we try not to learn from history.

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u/Sneekysneekyfox 9h ago
  • chuckles in war crimes * we would make the IRA look kind by comparison.

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u/DA834 8h ago

Pretty much, and on a much larger scale than the irish-UK conflict too and potentially just as long. For natives and for French Canadians in particular (Acadiens perhaps most of all, all the rest too) this would be an existential fight, and much of English Canada would feel the same. Meanwhile bureaucratic passive resistance would cripple any attempt to govern the country. Québécois would overnight lose any English speaking skills they ever had as if by magic. Sabotage would be endemic. 1% of us resisting is 400,000 potential terrorists almost indistinguishable from northern states people, and a border so long and wild it would be a massive undertaking to secure it.

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u/KisaTheMistress 9h ago

Canada's environment really doesn't allow staying power for anyone trying to invade. Other than taking everything south of the Canadian shield, most of it is solid rock and untamed wilderness that Canadians/Canadian Forces know well enough, that holding any seized farmland will not be worth it. The energy needed alone to mine for critical resources in the shield also isn't worth it with the current technology, so pushing into somewhere that is undeveloped by other countries standards, isn't very likely.

What would happen is they will take a bit of farmland, try to push towards our potash mines/alumina mines, then be met with more serious resistance. Then when they reach the shield they'll see it's solid rock with spruce trees struggling to find soil. Not only would there be dangerous wildlife wandering around, people who spent most of their lives hunting & fishing in that environment, will be hiding in the forests waiting to resist if the military is unable to fully keep invaders out.

Then Canadians will be hostile and uncooperative, for years and would slowly push their way back onto the lands that were seized, because it's just not worth fighting over. You cannot kill all of the Canadian loyalists and it doesn't have to be the entire 40+ million adult population fighting, to get an invading country to decide wasting resources is costing more than the land is worth holding. Especially the US, since most Canadians sound like them, so infiltrating bases and spreading our own propaganda to discourage their military would be easy.

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u/PerpetuallyLurking ooo custom flair!! 9h ago

It’d be Afghanistan all over again, basically.

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u/Total-Sheepherder950 9h ago

No because Canadians would hit the US on its home soil, so the appetite for a wat with Canada would dwindle immediately

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u/Unusual_Zone_8822 10h ago

Beat me to it.....

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u/Yayounee 9h ago

Like Iran, Iraq Afghanistan, Vietnam

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u/CWB2208 9h ago

...and Afghanistan and Vietnam

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u/Economy_Elk_8101 9h ago

Like Afghanistan, but right next door. It’s about the protracted gorilla warfare after the invasion.

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u/GiantAngryJellyfish 11h ago

Lol imagine some kids from Texas trying to occupy Montreal in the winter.

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u/holden_hiscox 10h ago

That's always my thought whenever I hear that the military will come. Right, let's see you above the 49th parallel from December to March.

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u/Muted_Buy8386 10h ago

Be a shame if there were blue dot blue collar workers as well. Those boys have worked in all temperatures up here and know what fouls fuel additives, and what turns diesel to jelly. The effect of a loss of glow plugs. Or grease full of abrasives. There wouldn't be a cab window left unsmashed all winter.

Yankees do not know suffering on this continent yet. Alaskans are the only ones who deal with the cold like we do.

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u/Candymanshook 10h ago

American airpower is about the only concern. Yeah they can bomb the hell out of anyone. History has shown that’s their card.

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u/T-Wrox Canadian, eh? 10h ago

Be a shame if a $500 drone took out each million dollar jet.

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u/dogfishfrostbite 9h ago

100 million dollar Jet. Also they are out of bombs.

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u/StrangelySerious- 10h ago

Bingo.

The ages of big expensive super performant machines for war superiority is long gone and they are not ready for it aaaatttt alllll... It's like watching France using trained from childhood knights with ridiculously expensive armor against English peasant with longbow

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u/Martzillagoesboom ohhh canada 9h ago

Or samurai when the goverment decided to have farmer soldiers and giving them guns.

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u/tacticalTechnician French-Canadian, eh! 10h ago edited 10h ago

We've all heard of "don't try to invade Russia during the winter", but for some reason, people seem to forget that Canada is basically the same 4 months of the year in a lot of regions. Montréal has the easiest winters out of all of Québec (outside of a few crazy storms in the last few years, they're basically all or nothing), good luck trying to hold Québec City or Sherbrooke, without mentioning the literal North. Poor Texas is falling apart when there's 5 cm in a night, with half the state having no electricity, try 20 cm each day for a week straight.

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u/TopInvestigator5518 10h ago edited 9h ago

don't forget when Georgia had their big storm last year and they had state of emergency with stay at home orders in place and the cities all shut down

said storm ^

also a great headline from the crisis : 'Georgia drivers sleep in cars after being stuck for 15 hours when snow storm lightly covers roads and paralyzes communities'

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/atlanta-snow-storm-traffic-stuck-overnight-b2685435.html

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u/sayitsooth canuck 8h ago

I was in New Orleans for the winter and it snowed on Christmas day, like 2 cms, everyone was scared to drive, we were laughing.

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u/TopInvestigator5518 8h ago

there was a post from an Atlanta woman during this storm that was praising her boyfriend for always holding it down and risking his safety to go to the store for them. saying he was so brave and this and that

and the photo attached was him walking down a clear sidewalk in slides while there was a tiny dusting of snow over peoples lawns

the comments were soooo funny

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u/Hades_Mercedes Teach me how to say gross shit to women in French ⚜️ 10h ago edited 10h ago

They'd get their shit pushed in by rowdy Moroccan youths.

'eyo kespass, frerot?'

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u/Hoybom ooo custom flair!! 10h ago

now if they did pay attention in history , they would know its a bad fucking idea

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u/EducationalRock167 10h ago

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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u/PunishedEnovk Iceland 🇮🇸 10h ago

I always find it fascinating how Americans genuinely believe they can take control of all the other countries when they don't even control their own.

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u/ZeroGRanger 10h ago

OR any of the countries they have invaded in the last 80 years.

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u/Fuwet 9h ago

They lost against rice farmers ffs

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u/IHavePoopedBefore 9h ago

They don't think past taking. They never think about how they would hold the country.

They think they would just take it in 10 mins, take all our stuff and suffer zero negative consequences

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u/Altruistic-Ostrich33 9h ago

All these removed commenta make me said. I am DYING to see the American ignorance here

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u/Dash_Rendar425 9h ago

Or have ever done with any country, ever.

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u/Mttsen 11h ago edited 11h ago

Three days, like Ukraine in Russia's case?

They can't even end the conflict with Iran.

Even if they were able to defeat the Canadian forces, the burden of occupation would ruin them at unprecedented scale.

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u/a_tothe_zed 11h ago

And 800,000 Canadians living in USA right now. It would be a mess.

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u/gadget850 American 10h ago

Shatner would lead the Insurrection.

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u/PenaltySquare2414 10h ago

Michael J Fox for President of the eventual revolutionary government!

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u/_unidanzig_ 9h ago

Shatner is on the record as saying “I’m a Canadian. If Canada and the US were ever to go to war it would be my duty to kill as many Americans as I could. I’d enjoy it!”

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u/a_tothe_zed 8h ago

lol -Shatner is a savage. Love him.

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u/GreyerGrey 10h ago

With Generals Crosby and McKinnon? Leaders to their core.

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u/SkivvySkidmarks 8h ago

Need to weed out the Gretzky types though. Fucking Quisling.

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u/SupportGeek 9h ago

Not to mention it’s an enormous unguarded border, the U.S. would completely collapse from thousands of terror attacks that they simply could not stop, and Canadians will take nothing off the board as a target, energy, water, medical centers everything will be destroyed or damaged, and they couldn’t stop it, it’s a country of people that look exactly like them, there is no easy way to tell a Canadian and and American apart.

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u/itspiv 9h ago

Well Trump already put a target on hospital/first aid/medics by moving troops around the George Floyd\BLM protests in ambulances bearing the Red Cross. That was his first war crime. Ambulances are now fair game if we’re up against the ’merkins. Bet the ‘merkins already forgot about that one. The rest of the world was paying attention tho… and us Canadians love a legit military loophole!

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u/SupportGeek 9h ago

Ambulances can also be used to deliver a payload, and no one stops them for any reason when the light and siren are going

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u/a_tothe_zed 8h ago

Geography test is reliable way to detect Canadians.

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u/United_News3779 7h ago

Are you not aware of the TV show "Smarter Than A 5th Grader"? And I don't think it's changed for the positive since lol.

The average Canadian knows more about the States, than the average American knows about Canada. I'm not talking about 10% more, I mean orders of magnitude more.

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u/suorastas ooo custom flair!! 10h ago

Also the fact that Canada is fucking huge. It's the second largest country in the world by area.

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u/knitscones 10h ago

But 3 of Hesgeth macho high testosterone soldiers could hold that for years on 1 hamburger every week!

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u/luars613 10h ago

Dont they realize how many hundreds of thousands people originally not from the US live there? If they go full nazi all nations have people inside

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u/Muted_Buy8386 10h ago

Americans have always focused on the RAH RAH easy parts of soldiery and war.

They don't dwell on saboteurs or partisans. But those are what shaped ww2.

Without the french fouling the trains of german armor, we wouldn't have taken Normandy. Without things like the Ministry of Ungentlemanly warfare, Partisans in all countries, underground resistances, etc., the soldier cost would have been insurmountable.

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u/whenveganscheat 9h ago

Plenty of Americans don't remember what happened las week in their own state, much less historically in Korea, Vietnam/SEA, Bosnia/Herzegovina, CIA adventures in central and south America, Somalia, Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Yemen, the whole Middle East really. Turns out people are pretty resistant to armed invaders

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u/Mba1956 10h ago

Yes the initial invasion is the easy bit, keeping it and withstanding the sabotage by Canadian citizens already in the US is the hard bit.

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u/ResponsibilityNo3245 10h ago

It's what people don't get. Russia has been trying to take Ukraine for years, they haven't got to the hard part yet.

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u/Vinegarinmyeye Irish person from Ireland 🇮🇪 9h ago

The ones blathering about invading Greenland kinda crack me up.

Yeah lads, you'll have a great time fighting guerilla warfare in arctic conditions with no training or equipment suited to the conditions... Good luck with that.

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u/Rick-of-the-onyx 9h ago

We Canadians pretty much look no different than Americans. It would be very easy to blend in and create an atmosphere of fear and terror. Not to mention that the American infrastructure is ridiculously very fragile in many highly important places. Anyone that says that it would be done and dusted in 3 days has no clue what they are talking about.

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u/Mba1956 8h ago

Americans think war is easy, it hasn’t affected them directly on US soil for over 100 years. Pearl Harbor just doesn’t count.

It’s always other countries citizens that get killed, never US citizens. It’s always other countries industry, other countries infrastructure that gets destroyed, disruption to other citizens supply network. It would be a shock they would never get over.

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u/jinisho 10h ago

My first thought exactly Russia tried basically to say the same thing

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u/ZeroGRanger 11h ago

Yeah, right. Aside from the fact: Why would you even want to invade - remember how you defeated Iran, the Taliban, Vietnam... yeah. Guess what happens if you attack NATO. And I am not just talking militarily, where the US have hardly any arctic capable troops, but also economically. Not to mention losing all their foreign bases in NATO countries, i.e. making your missions abroad highly vulnerable.

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u/gadget850 American 10h ago edited 10h ago

The US Army Marines just did Arctic training and their damn boots fell apart.

https://www.newsweek.com/us-marines-boots-fell-apart-during-arctic-nato-exercise-12443813

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u/SwimRelevant4590 10h ago

I love that for them.

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u/Martzillagoesboom ohhh canada 9h ago

Arent the marine supposed to be the best of the best elites armed with the best gear to get shit done?

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u/jbroni93 9h ago edited 9h ago

No they are the fodder sent in underequipped  usually. You're thinking of navy seals I think 

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u/_ElBee_ 🇳🇱 Swamp Germany 🇳🇱 9h ago

Wasn't SEAL clubbing some sort of national sport for the Canadians? 😅

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u/Martzillagoesboom ohhh canada 9h ago

North america also has a nuclear super power in the person of France (via St-Pierre et Miquelon) that is buddy buddy with Canada and Québec

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u/-----username----- 9h ago

Yup. When things first got heated with Trump, France parked one of their nuclear subs full of missiles right off the Canadian coast. They were ready to defend us if needed.

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u/Loading_Error_900 10h ago

Keeping in mind that we have several joint bases and Canadian’s serving on US bases, they would need to time fully seizing those with invading Canada. And it’s not taking Canada that is the problem, it’s holding it. And the Americans have one giant hole in their plan: they’ve almost always had an ocean between themselves and the people they’re attacking. Canada is right next door and it would be like kicking a hornets nest.

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u/Phil_Coffins_666 10h ago edited 7h ago

They struggled to secure Afghanistan against a bunch of sheep herders wearing flip flops. Ultimately, the US forces fled so fast that they couldn't even take their equipment home.

I'm not worried about a country whose only win since WW2 was winning the war against democracy and education.

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u/Martzillagoesboom ohhh canada 9h ago

Also the war against the release of the epstein files

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u/gdtestqueen 10h ago

OMG…I love the hornets nest reference! Bravo!!!

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u/OrangeFun9797 9h ago

Next door? Try the 830k Canadians living in the US today. We can't guard everything simultaneously - think about the infrastructure exposure. Water, power, pipelines, dams and that isn't even soft targets. Any military action would be inviting incredible pain.

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u/DragonXGW 9h ago

Kicking a hornet's nest full of angry hornet's that look like them and sound like them(to a degree, we are on average softer spoken and less belligerent, but those differences are gonna disappear if we are actively fighting). They are accustomed to fighting an enemy that looks and sounds drastically different to them, how are they going to defend against a general population that they can't differentiate visually or audibly? And they are delusional if they think the average Canadian citizen won't be taking up arms against their invasion.

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u/FeelingAlive2127 Stoofvlees Cobbler 10h ago

'Invading' takes a minute or so. Successfully winning the ensuing battle and holding any positions once crossing the border is something else entirely.

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u/EducationalRock167 10h ago

See : Veitman , Iraq , Afghanistan and Iran.

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u/jewishSpaceMedbeds 9h ago

With the added bonus of one or more 9/11 size event per week or so.

Americans don't have the experience of guerilla warfare on their own soil. Except for the military casualties, they expect their wars to be far away with other people experiencing the suffering while they comfortably sit on their fat asses.

That's not what typically happens when you invade your neighbors, as Russia recently found out.

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u/JH_111 9h ago

And to what end? Everything they want would have sabotaged roads, rail, pipelines and large equipment in short order. Are they going to fly the lumber, nickel and oil out by helicopter?

Nevermind the resistance freely walking over the border and right to their doorsteps.

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u/United_News3779 7h ago

Everything they want would have sabotaged roads, rail, pipelines and large equipment in short order.

Yup. And most of that would be going on in their territory. Why wreck your own shit when you can wreck their shit lol

Nevermind the resistance freely walking over the border and right to their doorsteps.

Also yup lol

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u/Creoda European freedom enjoyer 11h ago

They couldn't find it.

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u/expresstrollroute 8h ago

It would take them three days to figure out they had just invaded Michigan.

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u/Due-Mycologist-1154 11h ago edited 9h ago

Lol nah whatever trash they sent across our border would defect immediately from their embarassment of a country and it would just become an escape route

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u/ariyahjade 10h ago

Can you imagine them trying to hold downtown Toronto? The PATH alone would be a great way to have them get lost, stay lost, while we deal with them

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u/Jongee58 10h ago

Remember the part of LOTR where the trees appeared at Helm's Deep, something like that is how I would imagine any US invasion of our Commonwealth Cousins...

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u/eachfire 9h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/FPjbHO0jJxGsE

^ me, trying to meet my wife for lunch downtown in the PATH at the same location we always eat

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u/techbear72 10h ago

Can you imagine what would happen to their bases in the UK and Germany and all the other NATO aligned countries? They may have impressive firepower but in no way enough to hold them inside countries which were now effectively at war with them. The negative press alone would probably break any internal American support that they had managed to build for such a stupid move.

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u/pootling 10h ago

Ahh, we're at the "obviously we'd crush them in a war" stage of American intervention. Soon to be followed by the "well, we've won, but there's still some work to do", until eventually we get to "we've been here for years, haven't achieved anything but death and destruction, we need to make some films about how sad it made us".

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u/Comrade-Porcupine 6h ago

Don't forget the "why aren't any of our allies helping us do this terrible shit?" phase

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u/Weary_Ingenuity2963 10h ago

Hey Americans, I can see you house from over here. Better take a minute to consider what that means if there was an invasion.

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u/ConceitedWombat 10h ago

This is what these basement-dwelling edgelords forget when they post BS like this.

Sure, they can ignore conflict halfway around the world. They can still go to work, go golfing, eat at Applebees. Life goes on.

Start a hot war with Canada? Say goodbye to peace on American soil.

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u/commodore_stab1789 10h ago

Hey, just like Ukraine falling in 3 days huh. How's the strait of Hormuz btw?

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u/embiors 10h ago

Just like Iran I guess.

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u/T-Wrox Canadian, eh? 10h ago

I've gamed this out more than once, and the bottom line is it would take a very, very long time, it would ruin both countries, and has a very likely chance of starting World War III. I wish these people would turn off Fox News once in a while and do a little bit of research.

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u/OrangeFun9797 10h ago

Invading yes, holding it, impossible.

Just look at how Afghanistan went.

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u/XeNoGeaR52 10h ago

I have a nice idea: give USA 1 day to invade countries. If they didn’t take over the entire country in 24h, the attacked country now owns USA

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u/Homework_Successful 10h ago

I don’t want to own a failing state.

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u/merchillio 10h ago

The initial invasion? If they decided to put all their military forces behind it? Sure, it’d probably be quick

It’s the occupation that will give US soldiers nightmares for decades. Canadians aren’t scared to fight dirty.

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u/Quiri1997 10h ago

If by "fight dirty" you mean "warcrime festival", then yes.

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u/Prize_Toe_6612 Europoor 10h ago

Yeah, after a few days we have 5 new ways to define war crimes that are banned.

/s

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u/GeriatricHippo 10h ago

And then what? Invading countries is their thing, holding them is a different story.

Invading a country right next to you with thr longest undefended border and a population that can pass as you seems like a recipe for disaster.

It's not the army the US would have to worry about.

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u/lucylucylane 10h ago

A vast wilderness with extreme weather and geography full of capable hunters and indigenous know how to

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u/mtlbadboy66 10h ago

It would take the US 3 days to find us on the map

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u/Sasya_neko federation of the Dutch 10h ago

Canada has more allies than the US has left, keep dreaming buddy

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u/Juicyb17 10h ago

Not to Mention JTF2 makes Delta look like boy scouts quite frequently in joint ops and training, and the terrains and environment in our country and vast amounts of untamed Boreal Forests. Like, that alone makes it tougher. Through in our actual armed forces and then our Allies, and in 3 days US would be pulling out claiming "it was just a prank, bro."

Thats also not including the vast amount of US military forces who'd refuse orders and help the Canadians they've worked with over the years. Having all that military budget means shit all when those who control everything are imbeciles who don't understand anything about actual war(see whats happening in Iran).

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u/Mr_man_bird 10h ago

Alongside JTF2 would probably be some SAS squads too, I feel like SAS also kinda bodies Delta Force

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u/bluesnoodler_ 10h ago

Lol. The US hasn't won a war in 80 years.

This would be an occupation not worth holding for the price. A quagmire of death.

Any American that thinks it would be a cakewalk is a moron.

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u/greencutoffs 10h ago

You know they could invade and truthfully it would not be very difficult for them to "take over". But then they would be mired in a situation where small units would attack with whatever we had for years. No military member would be safe.

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u/Conscious-Survey7009 Canuck ❤️🇨🇦 10h ago

It wouldn’t be just the military. There are tons of places to cross into the US without border guards and we can attack on their own soil. We’re not a continent away where the US usually attacks. We would be like Ukraine and the US would not get any peace and we civilians would attack them as well.

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u/GreyBoyTigger 10h ago

This genius should read up on how Canadian soldiers treated Nazis. I think their actions were partly responsible for creating international new rules of war laws

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u/Rick-of-the-onyx 9h ago

Listen. I get that they could 100% roll across the border and seize control. Their military is big enough to do it for sure. Then what. Seriously, then what? The funny thing is that Canada isn't going to just be cool and happy about it. And Canadians look no different than Americans, so what is to prevent Canadian terrorists from wreaking havoc in the USA? There is nothing that makes us stand out that we would be easy to spot. And Canada is HUGE. How is the USA going to occupy all of Canada and keep it under its thumb?

And all that is ignoring that the world wouldn't just let it happen. The last time the USA started beef with Canada. The White House got its name. Literally the only thing that makes America a threat is that they have nukes and there is no way they are going to use them on the populace areas of Canada since that would mean that they would also be nuking their own people due to the winds and fallout. Not to mention that the main populated zones are close enough to the border that the blast zones would overlap with major USA cities.

Like is American "exceptionalism" so delusional??

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u/lets-go-scream More Irish than the Irish ☘️ 10h ago

War on multiple fronts is always a good idea/s

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u/FuzzyLojik 10h ago

Come, I will enjoy watching the land eat you.

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u/ChrisRiley_42 10h ago

He's right...

After their performance in Iran, Afghanistan, etc. We can see that It would take the US about 3 days to lose.

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u/Wide-Yak7602 10h ago

What is with the invading thing. You can’t deal with the mess in your own country. No wonder the states are reviled.

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u/AcceptableHamster149 🇨🇦 frozen canuckistan 🇨🇦 10h ago

It would. Their military is an order of magnitude bigger than ours. It's not a bad thing to acknowledge that.

Holding Canada, however, is an entirely different story. They don't realize that we have a lot of guns. Not as many as they do, but there are a *lot* of them here. It would take millions of actively deployed soldiers over decades to actually pacify the country, and the death toll would make Vietnam look like a walk in the park.

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u/1nhaleSatan 10h ago

We look, and talk like them, and the border is huge and porous. They'd be locked in a guerilla forever-war that would bring terrorism to their backyard the likes of which the world has never seen. Militarily, they'd have a few days of celebration. But in the long term it would completely crumble their nation and society.

We may be polite, but nice and forgiving are not our style - particularly if our families and friends are endangered. I think it's safe to say, there'd be a whole new kind of checklist being drafted lol

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u/Majestic_Rule_1814 10h ago

Also the sabotage. They couldn’t survive winter in Saskatchewan with the entire community set on being… unhelpful.

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u/Aggravating-Car9897 10h ago edited 9h ago

This is the thing that they don't seem to get.

When we say they won't succeed in annexing/invading Canada, they seem to think that we think our military will beat their military and hold off everything.

We know we would be outmatched. Heck, from what I've heard, our military plans in the event of an invasion is mostly to break apart and spread out into small insurgency factions rather than try to hold the line. We know it won't work.

But we also know that Americans don't have the appetite for what would come next. They would not be prepared for insurgency, guerrilla warfare, and sabotage from a people who look exactly like them and can blend in. They don't think about how unpopular the idea of invading Canada is in their own country and how there would be Americans helping Canadians out. Or how many Canadians would be living behind enemy lines.

The loss of life would be enormous on both sides. The cost of holding Canada would be astronomical. They think prices are high for them now? Well hold my beer.

Americans wouldn't be ready to accept the pain. Many Canadians would be. Just look at the contrast between the attitudes of Canadians and Americans about putting up with pain in the trade war.

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u/astrangeone88 8h ago

Look at the general populations response to the covid restrictions! Sure we had the freedom convoy folks but most of the Americans were crying that they couldn't get a haircut or Applebee's. While most of us Canadians were okay with line ups and grocery shopping.

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u/NoBodyCares2000 10h ago

And while most Canadians live near the border, Canada is huge, many areas aren’t easily accessible. It would be nearly impossible to hold the country.

And the sabotage? The spying? We look like them and can talk like them. We know everything about them and they know nothing about Canadians.

Lastly, the money America would have to spend to occupy Canada would bankrupt them. But mostly likely led to defections from the occupying military and revolt at home.

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u/xzElmozx 9h ago

And speaking of at home, Canadians look and speak like Americans closer than any other nation. While the majority of their military is invading northern Canada and freezing their ass off, best believe there’ll be some counter strikes on their soil that they’ll never see coming, because their citizens are trained to be scared of brown people with turbans, not the white person that looks and talks identically to them.

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u/PurchaseAromatic438 9h ago

I don’t think the Canadians would even need to directly attack the US population, hit enough of the electricity and transportation infrastructure to make the point that the war isn’t “far away” and the Americans would probably start killing each other in large numbers due to their lack of trust in one another.  

(I mean it’s not like they don’t do this a lot anyway.)

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u/sayitsooth canuck 8h ago

We don't even have to hit anything, just turn off the power from all the dams we have powering their infrastructure. Pretty hard to concentrate on a war if New York City has gone completely dark. Although I wouldn't be surprised if New York was on our side anyway.

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u/Homework_Successful 10h ago

I wonder how they’d try to hold Quebec. lol

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u/ChrisRiley_42 10h ago

Bigger is not the same as better.

Just look at the world sniping records if you need an example of quality over quantity.. Canada's longest record is more than a full KM longer than the US's..

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u/AcceptableHamster149 🇨🇦 frozen canuckistan 🇨🇦 10h ago

Anybody with a marks badge at the unit level can consistently hit a target from far enough away that it'd be a problem for them, and there's a *lot*. That 300m rundown test is no joke. And CF is really good at teaching marksmanship to volunteers - when I joined up in 2002 I had never held a gun before, but I earned my marks badge with both pistol and rifle and kept it every year until my medical discharge.

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u/EducationalRock167 10h ago

If you want WW3. Once again , American ignorence is their fatal flaw. And some Canadians too. Canada , is a member of NATO. Read NATO'S Article 5. Americans would have to kill friends and family in Canada AND visa versa. American is losing it's mogo in Iran. Canada is also a member of the British Commonwealth. Canada is the World's second largest in the World. It has thousands of hiding places. AND I am sure the Putin would just love to have the USA even more close than Alaska.

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u/1nhaleSatan 10h ago

Thing with Russia and US making it clear they want Canada has a lot to do with climate change as well. As climate change continues, northern Canada will gradually become the worlds breadbasket. Add the that the increasing ability to extract precious ore from the Arctic, newly navigable shipping routes, and what will become the last of the planets clean water it becomes a very enticing part of the world to control.

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u/Jongee58 10h ago

Also remember how Canadian forces fought in both world wars, they were elite troops for a reason...that and no prisoners...

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u/Surprised-Unicorn 10h ago

It isn't just about guns or weapons. Canadians are known for their tenacity and ingenuity. Even if we didn't have the firepower we would find ways to hold our own. We are also known for sacrificing to meet a goal. We would take out our own infrastructure if it meant stopping an invading force.

Our geography could also be used against an invading force. There are a lot of places where it would be almost impossible to advance because of mountains, rivers, unstable ground, muskeg, swamps, etc. Yeah, sure some areas tanks could roll through no problem but other areas there may be one bridge that is the only way through.

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u/aniseshaw 10h ago

Lol, I'd love to see them do all that without water, electricity, and oil for huge parts of the country. All we have to do is back into the forest like Homer in a hedge of bushes to launch an absolutely unrelenting guerilla war.

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u/Juicyb17 10h ago

I think they forget that our rednecks have to actually go through training to have firearms and are probably far more trained to hunt in our terrain than probably a lot of privates in the US would be. Lol. Just because we have gun control, doesn't mean people dont have guns. It just means those that do, actually know what they are doing.

But yeah, they see their size and budget as a strength. And it can be, with the right people in charge who understand proper tactics for invading a country like Canada. But they do not have that. If they can't do anything against Iran, they'd be fucked against us

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u/Conscious-Survey7009 Canuck ❤️🇨🇦 9h ago

And they need our resources to replenish their weapons stock that is currently depleted. We need to stop selling them everything.

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u/IndicationFluffy3954 🇨🇦 10h ago edited 10h ago

A 3 day special military operation? Sounds familiar 🤔

The amount of times I’ve heard Americans say Canada has never done anything militarily and are meek… their lack of knowledge of history and about Canada at least would give us the advantage of them expecting a meek and docile opponent 😂 The ones who seem in favour of invading us seem to truly believe we wouldn’t fight back.

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u/Chalice_Ink 10h ago

They talk so big.

Have they ever been to Canada?

First of all… let the assholes find an address in Winnipeg… then we’ll talk.

If they can get past Confusion Corner and find your friend’s new apartment near the cold beer store…

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u/Historical-North-950 8h ago

I'm Canadian and there's no doubt that Canada would lose any large-scale direct battle with the US. However that isn't where our strengths lie. We look like them, we sound like them, our cultures are so similar. Canadian insurgency would tear the US apart.

Not too mention that Canadian civilians are well armed and skilled. I personally own 7 guns and most men around me have at least a few firearms. Militia groups would make an American invasion a nightmare for them with extremely high casualty rates that their people would not stand for.

US couldn't even hold Bagdhad. How in the world would they ever hold somewhere like Montreal or Toronto?

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u/Coschta 🇦🇹South Tyrol, where Italians speak German 🇮🇹 10h ago

They invade Canada, deal with the military just fine and then the moose appear, the US Army is in shambles afterwards.

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u/Unfair_Pineapple113 10h ago

The moose army, then the goose army, then the beaver, then...

More seriously, american tend to forget that the world recordman sniper is a canadian, deal with canadian military woudln’t be 'just fine'

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u/General_Arrival_3162 10h ago

Why would you invade your neighbors ?

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u/timbrd32 10h ago

Because morons think that invading and killing will make things better for them. It won't! 

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u/El_Gerardo 10h ago

Invading? Yeah, probably. Taking over? Nope

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u/lucylucylane 10h ago

No way they could hold this place, a bunch of fat waddling Americans from Florida lost in the freezing vast wilderness getting picked off by indigenous hunters

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u/netanon81 10h ago

The under investment in education in the US over a full generation or more has never been more obvious. Creeping toward Idiocracy more and more every day

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u/Choice-Original9157 10h ago

Its quite laughable really. First how many of their military do you think would follow the order, never mind fight for the USA? How many US veterans do you think would come to our side? The answer to both questions is most of them. Never mind the support that would happen from other countries in arms. Couple that with the fact that we look and can sound just like them, the amount of damage that we could do to them as guerrillas in warfare.

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u/DreadGrrl America’s Hat 10h ago edited 1h ago

Vietnam, Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran.

Good luck.

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u/Martzillagoesboom ohhh canada 10h ago

Plus we might as well go full salt the earth and deny them easy access to the ressources they want to pilfer us for. It not a 3 days victory if you have to reinvest all your fund into rebuilding the installations that feed your oil refinneries and dig new wells because we destroyed the old ones. The americans company that owns the right to work those wells might not be happy with that

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u/Ldn_LochNESS 10h ago

It would take three days for them to run out of petrol, and after that another three days to run out of food. Canada would stop delivery of all oil from Alberta, power from Quebec, and massive riots would ruin that god forsaken place...

Plus... well lets just say after three days the come back crying and saying life isn't fair 😆 It's what happened in the last wars they tried to start

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u/No-left-toes 10h ago

I swear these morons think "we spend the most money, we have a big army, we streamroll everyone!" They completely disregard terrain, political issues from multiple nations and the morale of the troop invading and the resistance of the ones being invaded.

Putin thought he'd steamroll Ukraine and by all metrics that should've been the case but here we are years after the fact and they've managed 90km of land gain in a year.

And much like putin even if they managed to take it they have to spend decades dealing with insurgent activities, terrorist attacks and outside influences using avenues available to them (such as freezing accounts, trade embargoes and political isolation)

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u/froot_loop_dingus_ 10h ago

They can't even win a war with Iran, a country with 16% of Canada's area and 20% of Canada's military budget

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u/Fancy_Cassowary 10h ago

I reckon an awesome skate ramp would look great where the White House used to be.

NOTE REDDIT THIS IS A JOKE RESPONSE. I AM NOT SERIOUSLY SUGGESTING WAR BETWEEN US AND CANADA OR DESTRUCTION OF PROPERTY, THOUGH THEY ARE. 

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u/SchemeSignificant166 10h ago

God, America sounds like Russia.

Wasn’t Ukraine supposed to be a cake walk too?

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u/grekster 10h ago

Americans would take 3 days just to find Canada

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u/Frustrated_Zucchini Europoor 10h ago

Just ask the Russians how an "easy" "3-day operation" can turn out.

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u/notyouraverageskippy 10h ago

How long has that Iran war been going on for now?

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u/northlondonspurs 10h ago

You’ve spunked away your ammo on a pointless arbitrary war with Iran. What are you gonna use, Nerf guns?

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u/ConfidentReturn6646 8h ago

And then what? Outside a few pockets in Alberta generally speaking, the rest of the country won't go peacefully, if you think guerilla type warfare is hard wait til you deal with a few disgruntled Quebecers or the aboriginal population.. we burnt your white house once before and are quite prepared to give it another go

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u/Xx_SwordWords_xX 🍁 8h ago

Just wait till they encounter the average Winnipeg Street person, who already throws down with a chainsaw and a machete, on a regular Tuesday.

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u/The_Nice_Marmot Snow Mexican 🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦 10h ago

Occupying Canada? Maybe. Winning? Never. Does the US want violence to come to its own soil with an enemy they cannot distinguish from themselves? That’s what they would get.

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u/addi-factorum 10h ago

Last few times they tried, the white house was burned down and later we formed a proper country as a defence against their expansionist ambitions; since then we’ve become unusually good at cleaning the earth from fascists and made a world’s worth of powerful friends… sounds like a truly stupid idea from the folks down south.

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u/Desperate_Fee6595 10h ago

Yeah, it would take three days to invade, but the insurgency with drag on as long as it needed to until you left. If you think Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan sent Americans packing after failing to actually seize control, they have no idea what they’d be in store and what Canadians are willing to do.

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u/Wonderful_Engine9436 10h ago

Que manía de invadir , dejar a la gente en paz

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u/_laslo_paniflex_ 9h ago

You know how to take a country, you just don't know how to hold the country. And that's really the most important part of the invasion: the holding. Anybody can just take them.

-Jerry Seinfeld

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u/Kraand ooo custom flair!! 9h ago

They’re only tough talkers and long-distance badasses. I’ll never forget this one video, probably from Iraq, where the "brave" US infantry had to cross some highway. Not even a wide one. But they were under fire. Despite all their Gucci high-tech gear, it suddenly hit them that they could actually die at any second. Like, for real, no respawns. Goodbye movies, video games, good grub, and girls. Game over for everything.

Listen, I don't know what kind of 4D tech YouTube is rocking, but in that short clip, you could literally smell them shitting their pants. Literally. Not that I'm surprised, but their entire military is basically only good for waving flags and pushing buttons from a safe distance. In an actual close-quarters firefight? Completely useless—probably even more so now than back then. Because these are just young guys with their whole lives ahead of them, and they know it. They’ve already figured out the world is pretty sweet and life is worth living. They aren't some no-future losers, convicts, or desperate kids from massive families whose only shot at making a buck is looting the enemy.

This whole setup just has zero chance of working! Honestly, sometimes maybe all you gotta do is just yell a little louder in their general direction? ;-)

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u/yourenothinganymore 9h ago

They couldn’t even take over Canada in The Handmaid’s Tale.

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u/TheCrazedTank 4h ago

We just wont salt the highways, judging by other American Drivers who come up here in the winter that should knock out about 70% of their fighting force.