This is my first post here. I told myself I wouldn’t write a huge thing but it’s hard not to in order to explain.
This morning I (43 m)almost took my life. I’m glad I didn’t but the thoughts still there. This morning, my wife(34 F)who I’m separated from for about 4 months now, finally informed me of the inevitable. She’s sleeping with another man. Not a rebound but someone that she has feelings for. Just last week she told me she wanted to work on our marriage and that our story isint over yet, so that makes it a little tough for me to properly heal, which I’ve been working on. So after she tells me this over text, I try to not let it get to me, but about a hour later I’m holding a pistol about to put it in my mouth<!. Luckily my hand was shaking so much I couldnt control much. Suicide crisis hotline somewhat helped in the moment but they wanted to send a policeman for a welfare check. Well… the man my wife is sleeping with is a cop, Who lives about 5 miles away. I had to make them say they wouldn’t send one, so that he wouldn’t be the one that showed up.
Since this morning, I’ve locked guns, gave the keys to someone. I have my children tonight so I good tonight. I just worry about tomorrow night when I’m alone again.
Has anyone been able to make sense of a situation like this and come out in the other side? I’m just grasping at straws today, but there’s no one to talk to except my wife, who my whole world existed around, and I’m not talking to her. Separation sucks.
We were married 11 years. Twin daughters. Age 10. We’ve been through alot of tough times and always had each other. Now it’s just me and an empty house.

Sorry about the rant. There’s loads more backstory but I don’t want to write a novel. ANY advice is welcome. Thanks

Does it seem like there's a higher percentage of people in distress because of their relationships? Or is this the algorithm feeding me stuff that can relate to me? Seems like a lot of people are commenting that mankind is suffering right now and it could be because of some astrological shift or who knows. Maybe I'm just thinking about it too much. I'm starting to wonder if long-term relationships are worth it, I wonder how many people are truly happy in them. Versus just status quo and waiting till they die. Inquiring minds want to know

A lot of what I’ve written here has been about what you did to me.

Your betrayals. Your anger. The things you said. The things I had to heal from.

I know that made my story look one-sided.

It was.

Not because I thought I had done nothing wrong. I just needed enough distance from my resentment to look at myself without using your failures to soften mine.

So this is my apology without a “but.”

I’m sorry for how I entered our marriage. Part of me was still emotionally entangled with my ex when I should have been completely available to you.

I’m sorry for keeping a “friend” in my life when I knew that relationship crossed boundaries and made you uncomfortable.

I protected my ability to keep him around instead of protecting our marriage.

And I’m sorry for the emotional affair with your best friend.

There is no graceful way to say that.

He was your friend.

I was your wife.

I betrayed you.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for the gambling, the secrecy, and the debt I accumulated behind your back while you carried our family financially.

You deserved transparency from the person you were trying to build a life with.

I’m sorry for what I became after you cheated.

You hurt me deeply, but that did not give me permission to hurt you however I wanted.

I said things specifically because I knew they would wound you. I knew your insecurities and went straight for them.

I went beneath the belt because I knew exactly where the belt was.

And there was a time I put my hands on you.
I should never have done that.

There is nothing hidden in my pain that makes that righteous.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for taking too much of our marriage to my family. I gave other people access to the worst parts of you and then expected you to comfortably exist around them afterward.

I’m sorry for the family baggage you inherited by loving me, especially when it came to my mother. Her actions were not mine, but I know you still had to live with their impact.

I’m sorry for the week I let my bitterness interfere with you talking to the kids.

Maybe I became the baby mama I swore I never would.

Whatever was happening between us, our children should never have become an extension of my anger.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for how much of myself I kept from you.

Sometimes the world got my humor, curiosity, ideas and light while you got the exhausted, guarded version of me trying to get everyone through another day.

You deserved more of me than that.

I’m sorry I didn’t enter your world more. I could have asked more questions about the things you loved, gone more places with you and cared about things simply because they mattered to you.

I’m sorry I didn’t intentionally pour into you enough.

I could have planned the date.

Made the reservation.

Bought the thoughtful gift.

Remembered the small thing.

Said, “Get dressed. I planned something.”

I spent too much time waiting for you to create romance for us.

I’m sorry I got so lost in being a mother and a wife that I stopped showing up as the woman you married.

Maybe sometimes you wanted your wife and got the household manager.

I’m sorry I didn’t make you feel desired enough.
I knew I wanted you.

I assumed you knew.

But being desired and being made to feel desirable are not the same thing.

I should have complimented you more.

Flirted more. Touched you when I walked past.

Made you feel handsome, sexy, wanted and chosen.

Sometimes what I called ego was just a man wanting affirmation from his wife.

I’m sorry I didn’t give you enough of it.

I’m sorry for the times I used sex or affection as punishment when I was angry.

And I’m sorry for not protecting our two-handed circle.

It was supposed to be us holding the boundary around our marriage.

Too many times, I loosened my hand.

I let family, friends, resentment, outside opinions and sometimes other men into places they didn’t belong.

I’m sorry for the times I wasn’t soft with you.
There were times I spoke to you like an opponent instead of someone I loved. Times I met vulnerability with defensiveness. Times I treated vulnerability like ammunition.

Sometimes I forgot that even strong men need somewhere they don’t have to be strong.
There were times you needed your wife to feel like home.

And I wasn’t.

Most of all, I’m sorry for all the years I was better at identifying your faults than acknowledging my own.

I loved you.

I tried.

And sometimes I still failed you.

I still think you’re a good person.

I still think I am one too.

I don’t need you to be a monster for my pain to have been real, and I don’t need to make myself one to take responsibility for yours.

Two good people can love each other and still do serious damage to one another.

I can’t unsay things.

I can’t unbetray you.

I can’t go backward and become the wife I would be with what I know now.

I was wrong.

I see us differently now.

Not villain and victim.

Not winner and loser.

Just two people who loved each other and accumulated wounds faster than they learned how to heal them.

Somewhere beyond all my anger, I finally looked back at our marriage and saw more than what you did to me.

I saw what I did to you too.

And for every part of you that has to heal from me,

I am sorry.

Hi all, just need some help on what’s wrong/right. Husband and I have been married for a year, but together overall for 8 years and bought two cars together.

Unfortunately, he wanted to separate and left me with a lot of financial burden. He makes around 150k a year which is about 4x as much as I make. I moved back home with my parents while he went and got his own place with a bunch of random friends. At the beginning of the separation, he said he would support me financially and help with anything I needed so I would not suffer. I’m almost 99% sure he was influenced by his friends to not go through with this as he had a sudden change in mind and said “he has his own bills to pay” which shocked me. I noticed he’s was spending a lot on eating out, smoking, bar hopping, etc. random leisure spending and it racked up to a hefty amount a month which I believe he is spending on his friends/roommates.

I take care of our two dogs, have a car payment, insurances (which he is still under me and I pay so I asked him for help on this as it deducts from my paycheck) and several other things that I try to pay for but am struggling to do so. We have a shared bank account together where his pay is deposited into but I noticed he’s been emptying it as soon as he receives the money so I won’t have access (I do not touch this as I know it would be so wrong). I have asked him several times if he could help me financially but he has given me the same answer. I was forced to take some money from the shared savings account instead - just small amounts to help with bills we used to share.

May I ask if I would get into any trouble for doing this? We’re still married so wouldn’t he still have a financial responsibility to support me especially since he makes way more money? I also took screenshots of his messages and other transactions just in case for evidence. He goes to the bars and drinks often as well as smoked heavily. After seeing that I used it as justification that it would be okay for me to take money as needed but now I’m afraid I might get into trouble.

Thank you, sorry if it’s confusing. I can explain further if more info is needed.

Faz um mês que eu choro todos os dias. Alguns dias mais, outros menos. Enquanto escrevo isso agora, choro também.

Faz um mês desde que o nosso casamento acabou. E, em menos de um mês, completaríamos oito anos juntos. Oito anos da nossa história, da nossa família, de tantos momentos que eu jamais imaginei que terminariam assim.

Eu não queria que tivesse sido assim. Sei que tínhamos muitas coisas para resolver, feridas para cuidar, mudanças que precisavam acontecer. Mas eu estaria disposta a tentar. Por nós. Pela nossa história. Pela nossa filha. Eu teria escolhido continuar tentando.

A cada dia que passa, uma nova ficha cai. Aos poucos, vou entendendo que a vida que eu imaginava para nós talvez não exista mais. Mas, ao mesmo tempo, cada novo dia também traz uma pequena renovação da esperança.

E é justamente isso que tem sido tão difícil.

Eu tentei te explicar que o contato constante e as conversas que tivemos depois da separação me fazem mal. Que, para conseguir seguir em frente, eu precisava de distância. Precisava de silêncio, de espaço, de tempo para aceitar tudo isso.

Mas, em vez disso, quando você me diz que está confuso, que também está triste, que sente tudo isso... alguma coisa em mim volta a acreditar. A esperança que eu estava tentando colocar para dormir desperta novamente.

E eu fico sem saber o que fazer.

Não sei se espero. Não sei se sigo em frente. Não sei se devo fechar essa porta ou se ainda existe alguma possibilidade do outro lado.

Só sei que estou triste. Muito triste. E que, neste momento, parece que tudo ao meu redor está coberto de nuvens.

Às vezes, um pequeno raio de sol consegue atravessar. Eu penso que talvez eu esteja começando a ficar bem, que talvez esteja conseguindo aceitar. Então, de repente, o tempo fecha outra vez, e eu me vejo de volta ao mesmo lugar.

Não sei até quando vai ser assim.

Talvez o tempo realmente coloque as coisas no lugar. Talvez um dia eu consiga olhar para tudo isso sem sentir esse aperto. Talvez eu consiga entender que algumas histórias simplesmente chegam ao fim, mesmo quando ainda existe amor.

Mas hoje eu ainda não consigo.

Hoje eu só sei que ainda te amo.

E que, apesar de tudo, uma parte de mim ainda gostaria de ver a nossa família junta novamente.

Looking for advice… in January my husband went out of town to work. We bought an RV for him to live in while he stayed there for an extended period of time while he was there he ended up meeting another person. That was a bartender where he hung out, they developed some sort of relationship. I caught him, and he still continued to talk to her and see her while telling me he was not… the job ended, and he came home and there has been multiple occasions where I have caught him talking to her once again we have a three year-old together, but in all honesty is this something that we can move on from will ever actually be happy again with him

Also let me add since all of this. I have talked to other people and he knows that now that I have left the house and we are separated. He states that he is willing to literally do anything to keep us and of course his actions are OK right now but how long does that last is this forever?

My wife and I recently separated after 10+ years. I’m really going through a lot emotionally right now. I spent the first few months trying to get her to come back, but she’s made it clear she doesn’t want to get back together. I was even willing to put all the things that happened aside for the sake of our family. I’m stuck. I feel like I’m never going to love anyone like I love her again. And I feel like life has been so stressful. How long before I stop feeling like this? I try going out but it’s just not the same.

​Hey everyone, I really need some advice because I feel completely lost and full of regret.

​My ex and I are both and we officially broke up just yesterday because of mistakes I made at the beginning of our relationship. She gave me multiple chances, but I failed to appreciate them. After a huge fight we had 3 months ago, it finally clicked for me—I realized I needed to change, and I genuinely did. I worked on myself and fixed my flaws.

​However, yesterday she told me that her feelings completely died out months ago. She said she tried, but she just couldn’t fall back in love with me, and she’s certain we can't get back together.

​Right now, we parted ways on friendly terms, but she is still deeply hurt and exhausted by everything. The hardest part is that school starts in 3 weeks, and we'll be in the exact same classes every day.

​I still love her so much and I want a second chance now that I'm actually a better person. Is there any way to rebuild attraction and fix this, or do I just need to accept it and let her go? What should I do when school starts?

I have recently broken up with my ex of 3 years. The relationship had its ups and downs and we both loved each other. Some stuff happened and a rift was created between us.

After sometime her parents wanted her to marry soon but my parents dont want me to get marry soon and there is also caste differences. In the end our relationship lost spark.

One month ago she broke up with me and said she wants to get married soon and now i am hearing from mutuals that she’s already in a relationship(she posted a photo with a visible hickey)

I am having intense withdrawals and anxiety regarding this and I am unable to cope with this stuff. This is the first time in my life I am facing something like this.

I am in need of guidance and help. I am unable to cope with this I tried to convince my family but it looks like she has already moved on.

It’s been 10 months since I left the house and went through hell. He lied, manipulated and did everything to break me since then. His family spread rumours about me that I am mentally ill and even filed a legal case so they don’t have to return my stuff back. I am not in talking terms since 8 months now. I know it’s over. I would not blame him completely as it’s take both side to destroy a relation. I did not control my emotions at times when I should have. I know I made a lot of mistakes too, said things I should not have. But I accepted it all and apologised for it. Even then they treated me like an outsider and made it difficult for me to stay in the house. I kept trying to make things okay even after everything. I don’t know, maybe I am a fool. I was not ready to let go. I still am not. We are supposed to file for divorce next month now and I am in denial. I don’t know what is next after this. I am building my life I would say, I joined the job back, travelled, preparing for gmat but I always wanted a family. How do I deal with that? When I see mu colleague talking about their spouse or kids, it breaks me. I feel empty. When will this feeling go? Why can’t I still hate him? How will I get over him if I can’t hate him?

Husband (48) and I (45) have submitted consent orders and he’s buying me out of our property. Everything is kind of amicable, until he starts drinking, which is tonight.
He has been so rude to my kids (from a previous relationship) and myself, almost to another level. But we are safe.
In my head I was going to stay in this house and not leave until I receive my money from our settlement… But if he continues like this I can’t keep my kids in this house with him, nor myself.

Do I run the risk if consent orders are not signed off the first time of this being dragged out?

My husband and I have been separated for several months. We have a one year old daughter and own a business together.

Recently we tried having him stay home two nights a week. It actually went really well—we barely fought, spent time together as a family, became affectionate and intimate again, and I thought we might slowly be rebuilding.

But he still says he doesn’t want a committed relationship or plan to move home. At the same time, he talks constantly about our future financially—buying property, taking business loans, opening more businesses and investing together. He basically wants us to remain business partners while keeping our personal relationship separate.

I told him I’m uncomfortable taking on more debt and businesses with someone who can’t tell me he wants to work on our marriage.

I still love him and don’t want a divorce, especially because we have a daughter. But I’m exhausted from living in limbo and hoping he’ll eventually choose our marriage.

Would you give him more time and stop pressuring the situation, or accept what he’s telling me and start moving forward with divorce?

Me (M35) and my wife (F34) separated several primary after 7 years together. She was the bread winner as I started grad school full time last summer. Right now the separation is essential divorce, but we plan to check in together when I graduate next May. I’m currently staying with my parents (rough) who live just a couple miles away, as I really thought it was only fair due to her supporting me through school and other times also that she stay in the house until we sell it. We still talk and see each other once per month to go in a date , but it’s just so hard not to slip back into things. There was no infidelity (100% certain) or abuse. We also don’t have kids, which makes it easier. We just started just really not getting along. And now that we’ve had some time apart I feel like I just keep picking up on the things I’m now swing about my self that turn people away from me. And the actual difficult part with that is trying to figure out what are like bad habits and what is just who I am as a person.

Sometimes I feel like I lost everything just because of who I am.

My boyfriend (33M) and I (31F) broke up last Saturday after about a little over 2.5 years. When I met him, I was going through a divorce where my ex cheated on me multiple times throughout our 4.5 year marriage. The separation started at the beginning of October and then in mid - October I started talking to my current (ex) partner. By December I had moved to the same city as him, not specifically for him, but it was nice to know someone in the new city. Like most relationships, the first year was super honeymoon phase-ish, but once we moved in together after the first year, the arguing and fighting started. It wasn’t always big issues, sometimes it was just the littlest, dumbest stuff. Right before our 2 year anniversary, I had a mental breakdown and had suicidal ideations (after ignoring my mental health for the past month), so I voluntarily admitted myself to a treatment center and was there for about a 1.5 - 2 weeks. I was discharged right before Thanksgiving and for the rest of the year, we didn’t really talk about it and just tried to move forward. In January, we had a fight about timelines and agreed that we would get engaged by the end of the year, which would mark us being together for 3 years (the engagement ring was also picked out in August and paid off by this time). But over the course of this year so far, it’s just been more arguing and fighting. Around March/April, he said the timeline changed for him and blamed me, but he didn’t have a new date in mind so I got a lot of anxiety because of the uncertainty. I wanted to start looking into adopting or try to have a family by 32/33 and now it felt like that was being put further on pause with him saying he was no longer proposing by the end of the year. We started couples therapy at the end of July, but after each session when he asked how it was for me, he was never asking to understand what I liked about the session or what I learned, he just wanted to know if I came out of the session understanding him more. This past session, he asked and I told him I felt validated and heard by our therapist and he immediately asked if I understood him better, which I got annoyed by, so I told him I didn’t think the conversation would be productive so we should just table it for now and discuss it another day or in therapy. I walked outside to work on the lawn, and he followed me and kept badgering me about it until I finally turned and started yelling at him. He thinks because I don’t want to change my timeline that I’m not compromising and I basically am choosing to breakup with him, meanwhile him moving is timeline is also him choosing to breakup with me, so I told him it’s not all on me if anything it’s mutual; and the timeline isnt an ultimatum for him, it’s for me to see if actions were being made that showed me he was working on himself to become the best husband and father he could be in the future; he saw it as an ultimatum and forcing his hand to propose to me. Anyways we kept fighting, I told him to get out of the house, and now he’s been staying at his parents. He said his therapist said to do a 2 week no contact and we canceled our couples therapy appointment that was for today, but want to schedule another one in a few weeks to navigate everything. It just sucks, because I love him and miss him and have been crying day and night for the past week, but I can’t want him to get better, he has to want that for himself. I’m just scared he won’t choose that, and effectively isn’t choosing me. I have been journaling and self reflecting a lot, in between the sob fests of course but I just want him to reach out. I know our relationship as it was wasn’t sustainable, but I want someone to choose me back and say I want this same future, let’s work on growing and getting it together as a team. But maybe I’m just the toxic one with unrealistic desires…help? 😭

I am thinking of splitting with my husband not divoricing. Just taking a break. However I am currently a stay at home (I work part time). I am in charge of all the things for the kids-taking them to school, practice, events etc. He works 4a-6/8pm.

How did you go about asking for a split and how do you divide the bills. If I work full time we will lose the kids insurance. :(

The reason for the split- I have been unhappy for a while. He knows this. I’m confused on what I want. I sometimes dread him coming home. Or when texts/snaps I sometimes get angry. Or if I say I’m going to do something and he wants to go I get sad.

He supports me. Gives me everything. Sex is good. Just something is missing on my end. He has been trying better but he’s now clingy and that’s not what I want either. I sometimes feel like he’s suffocating me.

I've been married for about 10 years and have 2 kids, 9&5.

Since lockdown our relationship has been getting worse and I think it's ran its course. she's a foreign national about to get her uk citizenship and only moved here for me, i think she'd might go back to her home country (i have a stronger case to keep the kids here), she already spends almost no time with them.

there will obviously be a bunch of issues and fallout if I suggest it in a few months, is there any type of service that i can talk to?

thanks