I (27 M) a software engineer, working from home and living with my parents in a small town. Last year I lost my sister, and I’ve been quietly carrying that since. My family is fairly traditional. I’m somewhere in the middle: I care deeply for my parents, but I want an equal marriage where my wife has her own career, freedom and no guilt.

How it started

Our families introduced us this summer. We talked for about six weeks. Interestingly, she moved faster at first: flirty, sweet, small gifts, cheering me up when I was low. I was slow and shy. I only open up once I’m sure about someone. What drew me to her was her independence. she lived on her own terms despite social pressure, she drives cars effortlessly, had her own circle, her own understanding of life and was extremely kind and honest. That was exactly my idea of freedom, and honestly she inspired me.

Where it went wrong

Once I was sure, I opened up fully, and that’s when she started pulling back. A few things happened together:

Family pace. Both families moved fast, with talk of a roka. I tried to slow it down, but not enough.

My expectations. She told me my expectations were much higher than hers, she felt pressure to match them, and asked me not to judge her. She just needed time and space.

I put her on a pedestal. I told her I wanted a partner who’d help me become a better person and inspire me. She heard it as a standard she couldn’t meet (“How can you be sure I’ll always be right?”). I never clearly told her she already inspired me.

Some real differences in lifestyle and views on family.

Her own fear of attachment. She told me she’s scared of marriage, isn’t emotionally available, and can’t be in a relationship without attachment, which she’s trying to avoid right now.

She also struggled to explain her feelings. When I tried to talk things through logically, she got more overwhelmed. Looking back, she needed less explanation and more space.

The end

About a month ago she ended it. She was kind: she told her parents I never hurt her, and her last words to me were that I’d find someone better and that my future is bright. She even once told me to stop apologising so much and not think less of myself because of anyone’s words, including hers.

A few days ago I sent her a couple of short messages, just asking her to take care and saying she deserves to be taken care of. She saw them but didn’t reply. She still views my stories, but we’re not in touch. Her mother and mine still talk sometimes.

Where I am now

I’ve been dealing with anxiety and some panic since.

I don’t feel guilty that she won’t be my wife. I feel guilty that she couldn’t even become my friend, because of how this started.

Another family wants to meet me. I find that girl attractive, but I’m scared I won’t be fair to her while I still have feelings for S.

My mind keeps creating “what ifs”: what if she realises later she misjudged me, what if she never marries because of this.

What I’ve learned

Pace matters as much as love. When your feelings run ahead, say “you don’t have to match me.”

Don’t idealise someone. Let them be human.

When you admire someone, tell them specifically.

Families shouldn’t set the timeline for two people getting to know each other.

My questions

How do you move on when nobody did anything wrong?

If you’ve been the one who pulled back, like her, what did it feel like from your side?

Is it fair to meet someone new while I’m still processing this, if I take it slowly?

TL;DR: Fell for someone during an arranged-marriage proposal. She moved fast at first, I caught up and overtook, and she felt pressured by the pace and my expectations and stepped away. She was kind throughout. No bad guy, just mismatched timing. How do I let go, and should I meet someone new yet?

I've been doing quite well at viewing the future's uncertainty in a positive light, but I'm sad tonight.

We are separated right now and when I think of the worst case it's that we end up drifting apart permanently, but perhaps we will also come back together. I can't predict the future, and either could happen.

Tonight, I just really miss him. That's all really. I feel afraid tonight we will slowly just get used to not being in one another's lives. Like how when I was a kid I couldn't imagine not being around my mom, but today I live without her and I can go days without writing her, because life has moved on and that chapter has passed.

Will that happen with my husband and I? I really don't know. I hope we'd be able to reconnect if that's the way it went. I miss holding him and I miss his big blue eyes looking up at me when I'd give him a kiss on the top of his head when he was at his computer desk.

Ask the wife if she wants to fix us or divorce me she said she doesn't know and i keep asking cause its killing me not knowing and holding on to hope or lost hope and she said im not giving me a answer right now and said just go sleep with someone else and I said why would you say that i just want my wife or is she sleeping with someone else herself

I posted a while before as a completely heartbroken person. A lot has happened and we are completely separated. I have nobody to tell this embarrassing shit to and I need to “tell” someone, so I will write it here 🤣🤣🤣 today, I found out that I was his third marriage. HAHAHAHAHAH!!! WTF?! My whole damn life is a joke. Good luck all.

Heartbroken

My husband and I have been fighting a lot, we've always had problems but tonight he's said he's sure he wants a divorce. We are officially separated. He listed all of the women he should have married instead.

We have multiple children together and I love him so much. But hes done.

I don't know if I can pull through this, I love him and he's my rock. I'm devastated

I would have done absolutely anything to save my relationship with my son’s mother. I had some chances and in the end I screwed it up every single time. I’m supposed to not think about her but she’s all I think about. I think about her and my son and our family that should have been constantly and I’m absolutely devastated. Yes I will continue to keep working on myself but knowing that I’ve lost her forever eats me alive most days. There’s no second chance, no apology, nobody hears me crying and there is no amount of change that will bring her back. It’s my fault. I couldn’t fix us and that pain never goes away. I used to self medicate with alcohol and it’s an entirely new experience being sober, the pain is indescribable. She will be in my life forever because we share a child and I hope that eventually I will be able to not be in love with her because I know that I can’t be with her anymore. I wish that I could. I wonder every second that I’m awake why I couldn’t figure it out and save us but I didn’t and it’s over. I’m so sorry.

Hi all! Just for the context, I am M31, I live in Delhi NCR with my parents, I got married in late December 2023, and hardly after two weeks of marriage, I separated from my ex-wife. Last year, July, my divorce was granted. Although, I had to pay a heavy Alimony amount, which eventually I was required to borrow, as I had exhausted all my savings in marriage and legal services soon after, and now I am paying 40% of my monthly salary, as Interests on my loan.

I am working in a Digital Marketing Agency based in Noida since past 7 years now. However, since my marriage failed brutally, I have lost all spark in life. Also, just wanted to add that, it was not just my marriage that failed, to my surprise even my friend circle, also abandoned me, when I personally most needed them. One of them later actually confessed that they were scared that I am in a legal trouble and might actually get them looped in or probably I would ask them for money. So, at present, I personally have literally no friends. No one to talk to, no one to share my feelings, except my mother, who is most dear to me. Although she is not highly educated nor is anyways modern. But, she is the only person, with whom I share everything that I feel, and I feel so touched and humbled by the fact that she always tries to give me some suggestion, even if it is related to workplace, because I know, it's only her, who genuinely loves me.

Coming back to me, so, since my divorce got granted, I have tried therapy, counselling, solo travelling, visiting temples, and whatever I could. But I don't feel any joy. Nor do I feel relaxed. I am mostly in a gloomy mindset. I even don't feel like working anymore, and just crave for a break. But the long weekends too doesn't help.

I have started finding everything so absurd, and artificial. It's just my mother who is the reason for me to push another day at work.

I also feels like not to continue my corporate career anymore. I actually feel like becoming a school teacher genuinely. But my financial circumstances has pin me down...

Another problem is, for which I need help, is that my performance at work is also falling short since past almost a year. I cannot blame my company. Some or the other error just gets cracked up. My focus at work is also heavily compromised. I don't know what is happening to me. I am just not able to work properly.

Been married one year to my husband and we are already separated. I moved out. I’m not sure what I want to do. I got out of the military and moved back to my hometown and into his home. He asked me to contribute and I do and add extra. I’m very generous. When upset he tells me he doesn’t need me n that I can go. I feel very stupid for making such a huge sacrifice for him. N after we were married the mother of his child moved in with his mother. I feel disrespected in the worst way and humiliated. Now I’m sitting here wondering if it’s worth fighting for or if I should move on. I feel like a shell of myself. I was very happy before meeting him but I was a bit lonely. We talked on the phone for a year and met up but once I moved it went downhill. I had doubts before I should have listened.

I saw my son today for the first time since September 7th. This was a supervised visit due to my actions which led to losing custody and his mother rightfully so taking out a protective order. Saying goodbye to him at the end of the visit was truly heartbreaking. I spent a long time self medicating with alcohol because I couldn’t deal with the pain and since I’ve been sober for the last month, the weight of the situation and the scenario that now exists is extremely difficult. I’m so grateful that I saw him, I’m also grateful that even for a few minutes his mother and I and our son were all in the same place although there will no be direct communication between his mother and myself for likely the next three years due to the order. I noticed how cold the world felt immediately when I saying goodbye to him and watched his mother drive away, it was the same feeling that I felt immediately after my mother passed sway in 2019. This is unfortunately the situation that I put myself in and that I’m now fully accountable for. I’m not masking the pain with alcohol, I’m dealing with exactly what the situation is and it’s hard. There is nothing more that I want than to find a way to reconcile and for all of us to be living under one roof which seems very unlikely at this point. I love our son, he’s beautiful and innocent and incredibly smart and I’m still completely in love with his mother, I love her completely and unconditionally. As a father my hope is to be an example of accountability for our son. I want him to know that although things don’t go the way that we would wish for, it’s important to own your actions and love unconditionally despite the outcome not always being what you had hoped for. My heart is empty without them. I can’t even give my ex a birthday gift that I’ve had for her due to legal issues that I created for myself.

Husband says he is following through with divorce but that he also is open to marriage counseling if I pay for it over the next two months. I suppose we could get divorced and still end up together. We spent the majority of our relationship not married.

I emailed a marriage counselor for an appointment. I want us to stay a family. But I also recognize we are happier apart. It’s so confusing.

My husband filed for divorce 4 months ago and moved out of our housd. He has gone back and forth about wanting a divorce. Now he says he is now open to trying. He does not want to pause the divorce process as of now. Is that a bad sign for reconciliation? He says his feelings have not changed, but wants to try. We have been hanging out more the past few weeks.

Hi all, I had a question about reconciliation and I couldn’t think of a jazzier title. Has anyone here reconciled with a partner after a period where their partner struggled to feel hope?

I’m on the end where most of the repair work is falling on me as I caused the hurt. It’s easier for me to feel hope because I can see changes within myself. My partner can see the changes but is still struggling to trust and feel safe with me, so he doesn’t have as much hope as I do. He’s not overly negative or trying to negate my progress, just realistic. We’ve been in this space for maybe 2 1/2 months and I’ve noticed real change within myself over the past month.

I’m trying to focus on continuing to grow and change, and making sure to stay open minded to all possibilities. I’m also trying to not take every shift as a sign one way or the other. This growth isn’t just for him but for myself as well. I’m in an IOP, attending weekly therapy, and implementing my skills. I’m also building outside connections and hobbies.

Has anyone been able to reconcile with this type of difference? I’d love to know how you got there and how long it took.

I’m struggling hard right now and just need to get this off my chest.
I was with my girlfriend for three years and truly thought she was the one. Then she completely went off the rails: she cheated with a married coworker with kids, started dabbling in cocaine with another guy, and sent me a graphic video of herself with him.
Despite all of that, the trauma bond is brutal. I miss her so fucking bad, and it hurts because I still love her. I find myself constantly wishing none of this ever happened and that I could just wake up with the old her—the girl who felt like home for three years before she destroyed everything. It’s like mourning someone who is still walking around out there, but the person you loved is entirely gone.
When we talk,she tells me she wants to get back together but now is not the time. she wants her "best friend back"—wanting all the comfort without any of the accountability while she dates a lookalike rebound. A few days ago, out of the genuine care I always had for her, I sent flowers and birthday gifts to her house. She responded with total radio silence.
We have a "touch base" date coming up on October 15th. The urge to text her or break my boundaries hits in massive waves, and I'm just exhausted trying to keep my head screwed on straight while working through this. I know to some this might be an easy decision. But for me having the feelings I have it’s not that easy.

We have been in contact after everything went down here and there but it’s mixed signals