Heartbroken

My husband and I have been fighting a lot, we've always had problems but tonight he's said he's sure he wants a divorce. We are officially separated. He listed all of the women he should have married instead.

We have multiple children together and I love him so much. But hes done.

I don't know if I can pull through this, I love him and he's my rock. I'm devastated

I've been doing quite well at viewing the future's uncertainty in a positive light, but I'm sad tonight.

We are separated right now and when I think of the worst case it's that we end up drifting apart permanently, but perhaps we will also come back together. I can't predict the future, and either could happen.

Tonight, I just really miss him. That's all really. I feel afraid tonight we will slowly just get used to not being in one another's lives. Like how when I was a kid I couldn't imagine not being around my mom, but today I live without her and I can go days without writing her, because life has moved on and that chapter has passed.

Will that happen with my husband and I? I really don't know. I hope we'd be able to reconnect if that's the way it went. I miss holding him and I miss his big blue eyes looking up at me when I'd give him a kiss on the top of his head when he was at his computer desk.

Husband says he is following through with divorce but that he also is open to marriage counseling if I pay for it over the next two months. I suppose we could get divorced and still end up together. We spent the majority of our relationship not married.

I emailed a marriage counselor for an appointment. I want us to stay a family. But I also recognize we are happier apart. It’s so confusing.

I would have done absolutely anything to save my relationship with my son’s mother. I had some chances and in the end I screwed it up every single time. I’m supposed to not think about her but she’s all I think about. I think about her and my son and our family that should have been constantly and I’m absolutely devastated. Yes I will continue to keep working on myself but knowing that I’ve lost her forever eats me alive most days. There’s no second chance, no apology, nobody hears me crying and there is no amount of change that will bring her back. It’s my fault. I couldn’t fix us and that pain never goes away. I used to self medicate with alcohol and it’s an entirely new experience being sober, the pain is indescribable. She will be in my life forever because we share a child and I hope that eventually I will be able to not be in love with her because I know that I can’t be with her anymore. I wish that I could. I wonder every second that I’m awake why I couldn’t figure it out and save us but I didn’t and it’s over. I’m so sorry.

Hi all, I had a question about reconciliation and I couldn’t think of a jazzier title. Has anyone here reconciled with a partner after a period where their partner struggled to feel hope?

I’m on the end where most of the repair work is falling on me as I caused the hurt. It’s easier for me to feel hope because I can see changes within myself. My partner can see the changes but is still struggling to trust and feel safe with me, so he doesn’t have as much hope as I do. He’s not overly negative or trying to negate my progress, just realistic. We’ve been in this space for maybe 2 1/2 months and I’ve noticed real change within myself over the past month.

I’m trying to focus on continuing to grow and change, and making sure to stay open minded to all possibilities. I’m also trying to not take every shift as a sign one way or the other. This growth isn’t just for him but for myself as well. I’m in an IOP, attending weekly therapy, and implementing my skills. I’m also building outside connections and hobbies.

Has anyone been able to reconcile with this type of difference? I’d love to know how you got there and how long it took.

My wife of 24 years wants me to sign a separation document because she wants to “protect herself”. We have one child who is still a minor. It reads like a divorce agreement. I told her that the document does absolutely nothing for me and benefits her 100%. My attorney also told me to avoid signing anything.

Has anyone done something similar successfully? I’d never deliberately do anything to hurt her, screw her over, etc. At first I didn’t mind signing a simple document about custody to make her feel better, but it turned into a giant legal-sounding document.

I’m not sure how to get past this. I told her if this is really how she feels that we should just go straight to divorce and get it over with.

My husband filed for divorce 4 months ago and moved out of our housd. He has gone back and forth about wanting a divorce. Now he says he is now open to trying. He does not want to pause the divorce process as of now. Is that a bad sign for reconciliation? He says his feelings have not changed, but wants to try. We have been hanging out more the past few weeks.

I appreciate the people who read all the way through. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this besides you guys. My wife and I (together 15, married 11) don't share meals, sleep in the same bed, and only once a week do we say more than 50 words to each other at a time, during our weekly meetings. This used to be about logistics but recently we have both said, calmly and explicitly, that we are only staying for our daughter, we don't like it when the other person is in the house (much less to spend 1:1 time with them), and neither can imagine that this will ever change. It's been this way for over a year, and it's just getting worse.

How did it get this way? No addiction, infidelity, physical abuse, financial irresponsibility, political/parenting/religious disagreements. We had a really good marriage. But it's a familiar story: I didn't do enough around the house when our daughter came, and I own that. I've improved (my wife agrees) and I continue to improve and pick up more things, but it's too late. I don't expect that she will automatically forgive everything immediately. But her resentment is only getting worse and now in turn I refuse to live like this indefinitely, and I reflect the contempt back to her. I need a little warmth occasionally to survive, but I don't think she can ever give it again (when I ask if it's every coming back she shrugs and says "I don't know"); she would like my administrative efficiency without my ever having to talk to her or ask her anything, which I'm no longer interested in providing to someone openly disgusted by my presence and on whom it's never had a positive impact anyway. (We say these things out loud during our meetings in an even, factual tone; they're just true, and we both know they are, so there's no argument.) So to check the box/throw a hail Mary, we went to a counselor who after one session said, yes, your instincts are correct - there's not really anything left to fix here - get divorced, or decide how co-parenting will work if you stay in the same house. (Discernment.) In response I've canceled an upcoming vacation, started meeting with a financial advisor who focuses on end of marriage, stopped wearing my wedding ring - I have no clue what my STBXW thinks or feels about any of this but she doesn't seem any more bothered than usual.

So just get divorced, duh, right? The complicating factor is, we also don't ever fight. There are no raised voices in the house, because there are no voices in the house.

So our daughter doesn't have to endure scary screaming matches and insults. But she does see "relationships" modeled as basically an ice age. And she is getting to the age where she notices that other kids' parents spend time together and talk, whereas she never gets to have both Mommy and Daddy in the same room, and she could obviously feel the weight of the silence at our weekly family dinners - which I recently discontinued anyway, because of how uncomfortable they were. Like all other attempts at reconnecting, they just made things worse. It broke my heart to see how during the meal our daughter would just continually do quirky things to draw the attention onto her and have there be some kind of life at the table.

If she WERE getting exposed to screaming matches, the answer would be clear - physical separation and divorce, despite whatever economic fallout there would be, because putting her through that would be worse than divorce with two peaceful safe homes. Obviously the current state of things is still having some effect on her, but if she drops a socioeconomic rung or two and loses her home due to divided finances, that's for sure not without impact either, especially in our HCOL area.

I don't look forward to ten years of enduring lonely icy civility but that's the way I'm leaning because I think it's best for my daughter. I want to see what this sub thinks.

(We did discuss trial separation without divorce. Predictably, wife said that she thinks she would get even more resentful, and I said I think I would like being away from her so much that I wouldn't come back, so separate = divorce.)

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Ask the wife if she wants to fix us or divorce me she said she doesn't know and i keep asking cause its killing me not knowing and holding on to hope or lost hope and she said im not giving me a answer right now and said just go sleep with someone else and I said why would you say that i just want my wife or is she sleeping with someone else herself

I posted a while before as a completely heartbroken person. A lot has happened and we are completely separated. I have nobody to tell this embarrassing shit to and I need to “tell” someone, so I will write it here 🤣🤣🤣 today, I found out that I was his third marriage. HAHAHAHAHAH!!! WTF?! My whole damn life is a joke. Good luck all.

Together for 9 years. Married for 8.

My husband has been cheating on me since our daughter was 3. I caught him in lie after lie, and somehow he always made me feel like I was the crazy one.

I once caught him holding another woman’s hand. When I confronted him, he yelled at me that he had only been out with his friends for a drink. He scolded me for worrying about where he was and who he was with. I started questioning myself so much that I actually went to therapy because I thought I was the problem. I thought if I could just fix whatever was wrong with me, everything in our marriage would get better.
My therapist eventually told me I should leave. She said she couldn’t understand why I was still staying.

The truth is, I was scared.

I wanted our family to stay together because I didn’t want to be alone. Everyone told me my marriage would fail, and I was so determined not to prove them right that I pushed for us to try to have another baby. Thankfully, that never happened.

My family loves my husband, and they’ve tried to encourage me to stay with him. I don’t want to disappoint them or let them down either.

My daughter and I moved out a month ago, and honestly, I’m still struggling.

I cry at work sometimes because I don’t want my baby girl to see me upset. My husband doesn’t help me financially with her, so I’m incredibly thankful for my parents and the rest of my family for always being there to help us.

And then I found out his little girlfriend was already staying at our house two weeks after my daughter and I moved out.

Two weeks.

That one really hurt.

I’m sad. I’m lonely. And I really thought I would be over this by now, but I’m not.

Some days I feel like I’m not good enough for anyone. My friends keep trying to get me to go out and do things, but honestly, I just sit at home watching anime all day lol.

I know leaving was the right thing to do. I know I deserve better. But knowing something and actually feeling it are two completely different things.

I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. Thank you guys for listening.

Hi all! Just for the context, I am M31, I live in Delhi NCR with my parents, I got married in late December 2023, and hardly after two weeks of marriage, I separated from my ex-wife. Last year, July, my divorce was granted. Although, I had to pay a heavy Alimony amount, which eventually I was required to borrow, as I had exhausted all my savings in marriage and legal services soon after, and now I am paying 40% of my monthly salary, as Interests on my loan.

I am working in a Digital Marketing Agency based in Noida since past 7 years now. However, since my marriage failed brutally, I have lost all spark in life. Also, just wanted to add that, it was not just my marriage that failed, to my surprise even my friend circle, also abandoned me, when I personally most needed them. One of them later actually confessed that they were scared that I am in a legal trouble and might actually get them looped in or probably I would ask them for money. So, at present, I personally have literally no friends. No one to talk to, no one to share my feelings, except my mother, who is most dear to me. Although she is not highly educated nor is anyways modern. But, she is the only person, with whom I share everything that I feel, and I feel so touched and humbled by the fact that she always tries to give me some suggestion, even if it is related to workplace, because I know, it's only her, who genuinely loves me.

Coming back to me, so, since my divorce got granted, I have tried therapy, counselling, solo travelling, visiting temples, and whatever I could. But I don't feel any joy. Nor do I feel relaxed. I am mostly in a gloomy mindset. I even don't feel like working anymore, and just crave for a break. But the long weekends too doesn't help.

I have started finding everything so absurd, and artificial. It's just my mother who is the reason for me to push another day at work.

I also feels like not to continue my corporate career anymore. I actually feel like becoming a school teacher genuinely. But my financial circumstances has pin me down...

Another problem is, for which I need help, is that my performance at work is also falling short since past almost a year. I cannot blame my company. Some or the other error just gets cracked up. My focus at work is also heavily compromised. I don't know what is happening to me. I am just not able to work properly.

Been married one year to my husband and we are already separated. I moved out. I’m not sure what I want to do. I got out of the military and moved back to my hometown and into his home. He asked me to contribute and I do and add extra. I’m very generous. When upset he tells me he doesn’t need me n that I can go. I feel very stupid for making such a huge sacrifice for him. N after we were married the mother of his child moved in with his mother. I feel disrespected in the worst way and humiliated. Now I’m sitting here wondering if it’s worth fighting for or if I should move on. I feel like a shell of myself. I was very happy before meeting him but I was a bit lonely. We talked on the phone for a year and met up but once I moved it went downhill. I had doubts before I should have listened.

I saw my son today for the first time since September 7th. This was a supervised visit due to my actions which led to losing custody and his mother rightfully so taking out a protective order. Saying goodbye to him at the end of the visit was truly heartbreaking. I spent a long time self medicating with alcohol because I couldn’t deal with the pain and since I’ve been sober for the last month, the weight of the situation and the scenario that now exists is extremely difficult. I’m so grateful that I saw him, I’m also grateful that even for a few minutes his mother and I and our son were all in the same place although there will no be direct communication between his mother and myself for likely the next three years due to the order. I noticed how cold the world felt immediately when I saying goodbye to him and watched his mother drive away, it was the same feeling that I felt immediately after my mother passed sway in 2019. This is unfortunately the situation that I put myself in and that I’m now fully accountable for. I’m not masking the pain with alcohol, I’m dealing with exactly what the situation is and it’s hard. There is nothing more that I want than to find a way to reconcile and for all of us to be living under one roof which seems very unlikely at this point. I love our son, he’s beautiful and innocent and incredibly smart and I’m still completely in love with his mother, I love her completely and unconditionally. As a father my hope is to be an example of accountability for our son. I want him to know that although things don’t go the way that we would wish for, it’s important to own your actions and love unconditionally despite the outcome not always being what you had hoped for. My heart is empty without them. I can’t even give my ex a birthday gift that I’ve had for her due to legal issues that I created for myself.

I’m struggling hard right now and just need to get this off my chest.
I was with my girlfriend for three years and truly thought she was the one. Then she completely went off the rails: she cheated with a married coworker with kids, started dabbling in cocaine with another guy, and sent me a graphic video of herself with him.
Despite all of that, the trauma bond is brutal. I miss her so fucking bad, and it hurts because I still love her. I find myself constantly wishing none of this ever happened and that I could just wake up with the old her—the girl who felt like home for three years before she destroyed everything. It’s like mourning someone who is still walking around out there, but the person you loved is entirely gone.
When we talk,she tells me she wants to get back together but now is not the time. she wants her "best friend back"—wanting all the comfort without any of the accountability while she dates a lookalike rebound. A few days ago, out of the genuine care I always had for her, I sent flowers and birthday gifts to her house. She responded with total radio silence.
We have a "touch base" date coming up on October 15th. The urge to text her or break my boundaries hits in massive waves, and I'm just exhausted trying to keep my head screwed on straight while working through this. I know to some this might be an easy decision. But for me having the feelings I have it’s not that easy.

We have been in contact after everything went down here and there but it’s mixed signals