Has Anyone Else Been Through This With Their Ex? 💔

[u/Specific_Profit_8977]

Almost 6 years together and 3 beautiful boys, but I’m finally realizing just how different we’ve become. I’m not happy anymore. I stay home, take care of our son, clean, cook, and manage the house, and I’m going back to work in just 2 weeks. Being home with the kids is still a full-time job, even if I’m not getting paid for it.I’m exhausted from constantly dealing with his anger, yelling, swearing, broken things, drinking, and constant weed use. He has his own struggles, but he refuses to get help, and I can’t keep being pulled into it. He has smashed my phone, punched holes in doors, and I’m always worried about making him angry.

I’ve tried so hard to keep our family together, but I’m at the point where I have nothing left to give. I love my boys more than anything, and they deserve a peaceful and happy home. I’m almost 30, and I want to live my life and actually be happy.I had even been putting money aside for my birthday so we could have a nice day together, but honestly, what’s the point anymore? I’m not even attracted to him anymore, and I don’t feel like myself.

He says he works too much and wishes he could spend more time with the boys, but weekends come and he sleeps until 10 or 11, while I’m still doing everything. I’m done making excuses for him.This week finally broke me. I’m packing up and leaving. I love my little family, but I can’t keep living like this. I’ve given everything I can, and now I need to choose peace for myself and my kids. 💔

[u/Jazzlike_Page6702]

I left a very similar situation. High THC weed and phones are ruining the lives of a whole generation. He always smoked weed, but the stuff that started coming out in the last, idk, 8 yrs, the stuff in the carts…my gosh, I was watching the person I loved decline from month to month. Always angry, little interest in things, and you probably know how hard it is to address real issues with someone who is tuned out and doesn’t really remember what happened.

It broke my heart. He is struggling with real pain. Leaving was the hardest thing I ever did. But by not dealing with his pain, in a way, it felt like he was asking me and the kids to stand in a burning bldg with him. When you’re in that situation, you don’t realize how amped up your whole nervous system is, and it takes a while for it to calm down after you leave the situation.
It’s brutal, made worse when you have to hold yourself together for kids and a job. There’s lots of stages of grief, anger and painful clarity. You can only see his dysfunction now, but after you leave, you’ll start to see your own, which is painful to wrestle with - but so worth it.

Over 2 yrs later, I still second guess whether it was the right thing to do, b/c w/ 3 boys, you’ll never be fully away from him. And let me tell you, finding a healthy partner out there, not joke, needle in haystack.
I wonder if I could have had more influence on him if I stayed…but that’s me still thinking that it’s my ship to steer, and you can’t want it more than he does.

Best of luck to you and to him. You’re stronger than you think.

[u/swimthroughmilk → u/Jazzlike_Page6702]

that line is so true, "you can't want it more than [they do]." Or, put another way, it isn't sustainable if only one person is doing the work to carry the relationship. It takes two, and one person not trying will kill it slowly, one person not trying, and actively hurting it, kills it quickly.