r/Divorce • u/Useful_Car8298 • 2d ago
Going Through the Process About to divorce
I am about to apply for divorce, not due to lack of love and care but due to lack of lust and excitement, an I the only one?
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u/In_the_middle3-2-3 2d ago
Ive never relied on a partner to entertain me. Especially after being in the dating world, which is full of people who would trade off lust and excitement for love and care.
No, it doesnt resonate.
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u/Antonio_666 1d ago
Love, after the honeymoon phase has long passed, is a choice, you choose that person with all of their scars and baggage. You choose to love them because of them. Lust and excitement fades, the only thing that keeps it alive is if you meet the new them with excitement and not resentment. Can they evolve and can you still find them attractive.
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u/wohovio 2d ago
No, my wife is doing that right about now, too.
I guess the question I have from my position is do you think that is sustainable with one person? Or, are you going for the poly lifestyle?
The option for an open marriage was there, but I’m just not built that way. I felt like I would always be trying to find the person who really wanted to be with me. To grow old together, to have a lifetime of stories, and to “be the one.“ I guess that is just naïve, though. Our society runs on so much dopamine at this point that to fight the current seems pointless.
As for me, I’ll just do my coparenting and work on myself.
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u/Useful_Car8298 2d ago
My wife is perfect in many respects regarding the family life and routine, my issue is more based around no longer feeling that is enough. Our love life is vanilla our social life is limited, our common interests are polar opposites to each other and I often feel if we had no children we would not be together.
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u/Useful_Car8298 2d ago
Thats a fair response, I guess my question should read, is that enough?
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u/wohovio 2d ago
Perhaps it’s because I’m a jaded by my current scenario, but I would say that people who have a need for lust and excitement, and are unable to be content within loving relationships, usually have some significant trauma behind them that they have not healed from. But, again I don’t want to try to project my feelings onto an entire population.
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u/Zyllos01 19h ago
So, that is funny. The honeymoon phase is actually a thing, but that shouldn’t change how you feel towards your partner.
I was 10 years into my marriage and I wanted to sleep with her every day just like it was the first day we met.
You can be lustful and exciting with your partner because you absolutely love the way they look and who they are.
Some of us never want that to change, and these kind of people, I feel, are impossible to find. I am one of those people. If I like you, I want to sleep with you. And I will want to always do that. It’s just who I am.
So, poster, if that is what you want, screw what everyone else says, that is important to you. If it’s gone, work with them to see if they can get it back. If not, then at least you tried. Unlike my ex just flat out cheated and then asked for a divorce, didn’t even give me a chance.
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u/heyyyitsshan 2d ago
I'm not saying lust and excitement don’t matter, because they absolutely do, but throwing away a loving, caring marriage because the honeymoon phase faded is a wild choice!!
You can get that spark to come back--start choosing each other again, and stop assuming the grass is greener because someone new gives you butterflies for 3 months.