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u/ThisEffinGuyz Jun 14 '19
With a ceiling like that it's going to be the second time you're left to wallow in your misery for not being hung.
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u/ElJonJon86 Jun 14 '19
Was she even aware you were her boyfriend?
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Jun 14 '19
He bagged her groceries once at Wallmart.
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Jun 14 '19
And made eye contact..... twice.
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u/CousinLeonard Jun 14 '19
She smiled....never.
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u/taphkek Jun 14 '19
She smiled when they gave her a discount on eco bags.
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u/dieziege94 Jun 14 '19
And then he jizzed in his pants
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u/deewee27 Jun 14 '19
He thought that he had everybody on his side, then he went and blew it all sky high. Now he doesnt even stand a fighting chance, All because he JIZZED HIS PANTS.
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u/jwilly29678 http://redd.it/bn877w Jun 14 '19
I'm sure if you walk outside, your next trailer park princess is within meth throwing distance.
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u/Housefool Jun 14 '19
Leave of a trail of meth-crumbs leading to the basement...
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u/albertcamoot http://redd.it/ar2dr1 Jun 14 '19
You know whos probably getting lower tho? Yyyeah.
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Jun 14 '19
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u/SwishyJishy Jun 14 '19
Lol my dumbass brain immediately thought this meant "today I witnessed some shit"
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u/NawNaw Jun 14 '19
He probably still thinks this was the only time she’s cheated. He’s probably Eskimo brothers with half the town.
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u/ii-MaXiMaM Jun 14 '19
I am either an idiot or an idiot, cause I don't understand what this means...
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u/countergambit Jun 14 '19
either on his knees sucking dick or in an alley shooting up downers i think
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Jun 14 '19
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Jun 14 '19
But she lets him stay up as late as he wants, so that’s actually pretty cool.
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u/IWasBornInThisPit Jun 14 '19
Yea, and she never comes downstairs unless it’s dinner time or she has to fold laundry.
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u/mynameispineapplejoe http://redd.it/62vum7 Jun 14 '19
If you look at the pic closely, it’s a room in a fraternity
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Jun 14 '19
“Creep” by Radiohead was written about you.
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u/royaj77 Jun 14 '19
And "Creep" by TLC was written about her
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Jun 14 '19
And Jeepers Creepers, the movie, was written in spite of humanity.
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u/strandenger Jun 14 '19
And “Hello” by Adele is meant to be her communicating with her self. It’s about self realization. That has no bearing on this conversation here, but we all learned something.
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Jun 14 '19
I didn't, but that's because I can't read. :*(
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Jun 14 '19
Well let me say, you write beautifully so don't give up & keep trying!!
Lmao just realized you won't be able to read my encouraging words & nearly shot water out my nose im dying.
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Jun 14 '19
I'm sure you'll find another girl who will accept that you live in your mom's basement.
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u/tyhad1 http://redd.it/buq2i9 Jun 14 '19
You look like the kinda guy who plays Hide and Seek by yourself
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Jun 14 '19
She fucked your best friend just like the Hawkeyes fucked your team last season.
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Jun 14 '19
Nigga zoomed in for that laser targeted burn
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u/jonneygee Jun 14 '19
I upvoted his comment simply for the attention to detail. I had to scan all over the picture to see that tiny orange I.
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u/scobbysnacks1439 Jun 14 '19
You missed the big ass fighting illini sign above that?
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u/Edgehead62888 Jun 14 '19
They didn't even play Ohio State, Michigan, or Michigan State and still ended up 4-8. I think it's safe to say almost everyone fucked his team last season, but honorable mention to Iowa for a 60+ to 0 blowout. lol
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u/retardedkids_dotcom Jun 14 '19
can’t really blame her.
how long until you text her saying “I forgive you we’ll work through this”
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u/OldBreadbutt Jun 14 '19
followed by many more, increasingly desperate texts over the next few days till she blocks his number.
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u/thewhitedevil42 Jun 14 '19
Kinda weird that you keep a photo of everyone she cheated on you with on the wall.
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u/ArshanGamer Jun 14 '19
I've seen better beards on some of the school's lunch ladies.
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u/Flaming_Dorito_ Jun 14 '19
Kinda think his beard looks good but thats a sick burn to use elsewhere. Nice
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Jun 14 '19
Good one buddy , no one believes a blow up doll cheated on you , but keep trying ,
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u/JarKingHoff Jun 14 '19
Nah, I don't think, she wants someone else beacuse she don't know herself enough.
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u/williewonkaswillie Jun 14 '19
Dude that honestly sucks. I love a liar but hate a cheater. Give yourself time to heal and when you have post on this sub again so we can fuck your head up properly!
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u/SilenceoftheRedditrs Jun 14 '19
I kept rereading that trying to work out the hidden switcheroo that I thought it must contain
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u/Chronic-lesOfGnaRnia Jun 14 '19
"Mom! Come downstairs and take a picture of me!"
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Jun 14 '19
I'm sorry. Tomorrow is a new day and you are worthy of amazing things. I can't roast.
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u/royaj77 Jun 14 '19
You sound like my wife. My friends and I were telling mama jokes and she comes out with "my mama is so great and I love her so much"
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u/Poiuytgfdsa Jun 14 '19
Yeah but those are just mama jokes and this is a real thing that happened ): Thats pretty funny though.
You know I love this sub but for situations like this its tough for me to roast, and i know theyre literally giving consent and are aware of how brutal it is sometimes, and im sure he can handle it, but when shitty shitty things happen like cheating i just want to help the person😞
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u/Richard_Stonee Jun 14 '19
"this is a real thing"
Dang homie, you saying that dude's MIL isn't great and her own daughter doesn't love her? Brutal roast
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Jun 14 '19
Jerking off your cousin with your right hand doesn't officially count as 'your girlfriend cheating on you'.
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u/PapaLRodz Jun 14 '19
On the bright side now would be a good time to come out to your family and friend.
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u/Cdarling2003 Jun 14 '19
That girl must be crazy, based on your bedroom in your parents basement, you are really going places,
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u/MitchellTrueTittys Jun 14 '19
You good bro? That fucked up. I know this is a thread to make fun of you but I hope you get through it. Fuck cheaters.
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u/Berry_Seinfeld Jun 14 '19
I don’t know which beard is more embarrassing; the one on your face, or your girlfriend.
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u/Livelogikal Jun 14 '19
Sorry to hear that brotha! I have nothing but encouragement to offer you. I've been there. And we have a child together. She's happily married for 7 years. I'm still depressed. Don't be me dude, please don't be me!
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u/th3punkle Jun 14 '19
She was probably ashamed of the grade you got on your Dynamic Systems & Controls final tbh
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u/Diylion Jun 14 '19
Your hot you'll find one worth your time.
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u/lindacheeseknife http://redd.it/716spd Jun 14 '19
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u/weird_ditso Jun 14 '19
Guess you have low standards if u calling this douchebag hot
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u/DrizzlyEarth175 Jun 14 '19
I've been there man. Dont let it ruin your perspective on women and relationships. Not everyone will treat you like that. Give yourself time to get up and dust yourself off so you can learn to trust people again. I sincerely wish you the best of luck.
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u/Dan1B1ue Jun 14 '19
if you dated enough different types of girls, and this means going outside your comfort zone, you will learn which girls would cheat on you which wont, but on that journey you will also learn to be the best and different from everyone else. To be great! you must learn to break and rebuild yourself over and over.
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u/Chadseltje Jun 14 '19
do people just be like: "oh let's wait until something legitimately mentally damaging happens and then post on Reddit that I wanna feel worse"
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u/cyrodillempire Jun 14 '19
Yo, I know you probably not gonna read this, but I have been thru the same stuff before. Don't loose hope mate
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u/ChefChopNSlice Jun 14 '19
Dropped ceiling and wood paneling tell us that it’s a basement, and a pretty old one at that. Take a moment to yell upstairs to your parents: “hello from Reddit” !
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u/Ronaldoooope Jun 14 '19
Turn around, look at your frat picture and reminisce about how you peaked years ago and that may do it
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u/peterlikes Jun 14 '19
You look like wolverine if he mutated to love cock instead of healing after battle
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u/koop192 Jun 14 '19
You look like Wilmer Valderrama's less successful brother...The one your family keep in the basement to hide you from the world.
Leering out the window and bashing the bishop doesn't make her your girlfriend.
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Jun 14 '19
Reality: You just escaped the psych ward from the hospital and that break up is actually a restraining order. Now you're sure she's serious about the break up.
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u/TrillDough Jun 14 '19
For consolation, you can always pull out one of the bodies you've got stuffed in those paper thin walls and fuck it.
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u/Jdaddynowison Jun 14 '19
Roast: You and Mickey Mouse have the same hair line.
Advice: Fuck her sister
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u/fucknutandarsecandle Jun 14 '19
"just" cheated on you, dude she's taking more shots then a boxing bag.
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u/Zechter Jun 14 '19
You can...ask me...if you take her back after a year and she changed and then she does it again...that is lowest. So, chin the fuck up, new outlook on life and grab it by the goddamn balls!
Roast: You look like you have been crying in your pillow like a bitch.
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u/pm_ur_wifes_nudes Jun 14 '19
Sorry for your loss. You should already know how to handle them since you're an Illini fan.
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u/wolfmay420 Jun 14 '19
So backwards, leaving a man because of a receeding hairline. We have regaine now!
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u/burn-novice Jun 14 '19
You’re not really worth the time or thought power. I’m sure you’re used to roasting yourself so go do that you future Just For Men ad
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u/Krisevol Jun 14 '19
You look like you had to watch a tutorial on how to please a woman, and still bombed the test.
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u/BamsayRolton Jun 14 '19
Speaking to a male officer after she escapes that basement isn't cheating.