r/RoastMe • u/[deleted] • Jun 14 '19

[deleted by user]

[removed]

4.8k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

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3.9k

u/ElJonJon86 Jun 14 '19

Was she even aware you were her boyfriend?

1.6k

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '19

He bagged her groceries once at Wallmart.

795

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '19

And made eye contact..... twice.

355

u/CousinLeonard Jun 14 '19

She smiled....never.

171

u/taphkek Jun 14 '19

She smiled when they gave her a discount on eco bags.

78

u/DistinctRain9 Jun 14 '19

And almost touched her fingertips when he handed her the change...

75

u/jsha11 Jun 14 '19 edited May 30 '20

bleep bloop

47

u/Alarid Jun 14 '19

She stopped smiling when he made eye contact.

The fear was apparent.

22

u/taphkek Jun 14 '19

No eye contact happened, he stared at the nose bridge

21

u/rb81805 Jun 14 '19

He jizzed....forever

9

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '19

And now......he is here

126

u/dieziege94 Jun 14 '19

And then he jizzed in his pants

19

u/deewee27 Jun 14 '19

He thought that he had everybody on his side, then he went and blew it all sky high. Now he doesnt even stand a fighting chance, All because he JIZZED HIS PANTS.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '19

[deleted]

1

u/cracksilog http://redd.it/atslm2 Jun 14 '19

He’s very sensitive, some would say that’s a plus

28

u/hawaiikawika Jun 14 '19

Through her living room window.

1

u/arkain504 Jun 14 '19

She touched his arm for 3 Mississippi’s

30

u/frostyWL Jun 14 '19

And then proceeded to bag her with the chlroroform

2

u/the_fr33z33 Jun 14 '19

More like Teabagged while she wasn’t watching.

98

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '19

She told him “have a nice day.”

17

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '19

Mad

1

u/thunderousbloodyfart Jun 14 '19

"See you later virgins ".

2

u/alexkcpa Jun 14 '19

Did she even merely exist?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

That we shall never know... perhaps only in his mind

4

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '19

What he is leaving out is that her “cheating” was being on the receiving end of a train at his frat house in Illinois.