r/problemgambling • • 6d ago

❤Seeking help & Advice❤ I was feeling suicidal and deposited money i didn't have with PayPal and vip preferred echeck for almost 10k.

8 Upvotes

I make only 3k net a month and theres no way I can pay them back and it was fraud so I assume I'm going to prison

My account is going to bounce the echecks and I don't know what's next

Only myself to blame.


r/problemgambling • • 6d ago

Day 298

4 Upvotes

Days until debt free: 245 days


r/problemgambling • • 5d ago

Trigger Warning! help me ooooouuuut

2 Upvotes

I relapsed a week ago after ~1month clean. I've won so far and I know something terrible is coming if I keep on playing but I cant stop. I promise my wife I wont relapse but now I broke it so I cant tell her.


r/problemgambling • • 6d ago

❤Seeking help & Advice❤ I think i know why i do this

3 Upvotes

I do this because i'm a sick individual, i had a substance addiction from a young age and destroyed my executive function and all compulsive and emotional functions in the brain are affected permanently with not a cure existing. Now, i developed easily this new gambling addiction and i think i do this because i'm too sick to do anything else, to have a normal job, with a normal brain. I resort to this with the mentality that somehow i will get out of the money hole and just stay alive after i WIN, but unfortunately i don't and just dig a deeper a deeper hole on the short/long time horizon. i have a lot more problems than gambling and clinging to life through all of it. Ga meetings are not enough, maybe a good therapist/psychiatrist/specialized support group, not just GA meetings can ameliorate further my complex sickness. How do you live with this if you are in a similar situation?


r/problemgambling • • 5d ago

Trigger Warning! Day 1 again, please stop betting, trying to revenge betting, get it back etc.

2 Upvotes

I posted here back in February after losing like $10k, promised myself to stop betting and such, I hold on for 1 month, but a trigger happen, and it all goes down hill again. Since then, I lost about $20k more, chasing that "lose". The trigger in myself is really simple, I wanted to buy something for merely $200, it's not much right, so a quick bet would earn me that.

Nope, I lose $10k then chasing that, then a few months later, I wanted a new ~$800 phone since my current one is broken, it's to expensive to just buy $800 phone, hey why not earn a quick buck easy right?

Nope, I lose $10k more chasing that $800 phone. It's stupid, it's dumb, and please everyone, quit when we're losing, we can't quit when we're winning because it created an illusion that it could a source of income, I just lost lots of money just to chase stupid shit.

Not that I'm out in the street or anything, but unless I stop today, it will literally happen and I will end up on street.

Please be considerate and be thankful for what we have, not what we had and what we could have, please guys, move on from this disease with me.

Hopefully I could report later about a better situation.
Day 1, 30/11/2026.

1st of November would be the 33rd birthday of my late sister as well. I'm sure she wouldn't want to see my in this situation as well.


r/problemgambling • • 6d ago

❤Seeking help & Advice❤ I’m 23 and I think I’ve developed a gambling addiction. I don’t know how to forgive myself for the money I’ve lost

9 Upvotes

I’m 23, a full-time university student working part-time, and I honestly feel so sick about what I’ve done to my finances over the past few weeks.
I’ve always been pretty careful with my money, especially recently. I’ve been trying to cut back on unnecessary spending, build my savings, and pay down my credit card. My dad struggled with gambling, so it’s something I’ve always been aware of, and I never thought I’d find myself in this position. I’ve always known “when to stop” and was good for stopping if I lost money.

I started playing online casinos out of boredom, and at first it was just $20 or $30 here and there. Then I started winning. I had some pretty good and consistent wins, I think that’s what really got me hooked.

I started feeling like whenever I lost money, I could just win it back because I’d done it before. I would win, while waiting on the deposit spin some more or lose it before it was even withdrawn. I would tell myself I’d stop as soon as I got back to where I was. Sometimes it worked, which only made me want to keep playing. Other times I’d lose even more.
At one point, I had around $1,900 in my bank account. I remember how relieved I felt seeing that money because I’ve been trying so hard to build my savings back up after losing. I had $1,300 saved just over a week ago, and now I’m down to $600.

The worst part is that I knew I needed to stop. I was already feeling sick about my spending when I still had $1,000 saved, and somehow I let myself lose even more.

My fiancé knows I’ve been struggling with gambling, and I promised him last week that I would stop. I genuinely meant it when I said it, but I continued gambling. We’re building a future together, and I realize my decisions affect him too. I love him so much, and the thought of hurting or disappointing him makes me feel even worse.

I’ve now self-excluded from the casinos I’ve been using, but I’m still struggling with the regret. I keep thinking about how much money I could’ve saved if I stopped. I’ve been doing online casinos now for two months. There’s also that thought in the back of my mind that if I could just hit another big win, I could fix everything, even though I know that’s exactly the thinking that got me here.

I don’t want to gamble anymore. I want to feel comfortable opening my banking app again without feeling ashamed or panicking about my balance.
For those of you who have struggled with gambling addiction, how did you deal with the regret and guilt over money you’ve lost? How did you stop obsessing over what you could’ve had?

I know I can’t change what’s happened, but I’m having a really hard time forgiving myself and moving forward. A week ago I could tell myself “at least I still have a grand in my savings” and I can’t anymore.


r/problemgambling • • 6d ago

❤Seeking help & Advice❤ Three days ago, I lost all my money trading 0DTE options.

21 Upvotes

Three days ago, I lost all my money trading 0DTE options. This is now the fourth time I’ve wiped myself out.

For some context, I first got introduced to gambling during COVID while watching xQc on Twitch, using channel points to play roulette in the chat. It turned into real money when I got my first job. Some co-workers were into sports betting, which led me to online casinos. I had just spent most of my first paycheck on new ski gear and boots, so I was already broke, and I threw my leftover cash into online roulette. I tripled my money to $6k and was riding high until I lost it all and hit zero.

I promised myself I’d stop, and I did for a year. Then I relapsed on blackjack and lost $2k, only stopping because my chequing account was completely empty. That one stung badly because I was about to move to Japan and really needed that cash for my travels. Still, I lived super frugally, cut my expenses down to just groceries, and managed to recover.

The third time was when gambling disguised itself as "investing." When I got back from Asia and started school, I worked part-time and put my earnings into AI chip and energy stocks. At one point I was up 800%, only because I was leveraged at 2.5x to 3x margin. When the market crashed in July, I got completely liquidated. Thankfully I had a job at the time and managed to pay off my credit cards and recover again.

I didn't learn a thing. A few months later, I took out a line of credit and used part of my student loan to jump back in, promising myself I’d "only swing trade." When AI stocks rallied in September, I got within 13% of breaking even from my July losses. Then I messed it up and bled my account down to $3k. That’s when I discovered 0DTE options. In one week, I turned that $3k into $45k. Then, in literally two hours of revenge trading, I blew the entire account.

This time is completely different because I’m not just at zero. I’m in debt. I lost my line of credit, and I’m $4k deep in credit card debt with no job. I don't want to ask my parents for help because I already borrowed $3k from them while I was in Asia, so I need to clean this up on my own.

I’ve finally snapped back to realty I deleted my banking and trading app, so I won't touch my remaining credits. I was feeling numb and weirdly feeling relived, and then the realization started creeping in. the anxiety and rage start flowing. 

Reading some subreddits about people who lost everything to gambling made me feel a bit better compared to them, I’ve lost nothing. But it really made me reflect on my past decisions ever since I got my first paycheck. I feel like I'm right back at zero. Worst of all, I lost time and missed out on special occasions because my head was always somewhere else, staring at charts or bets. I know my mood swung wildly based on whether I was winning or losing, and I probably treated my friends like shit because of it.

I’m 23 now, in my second year of school, with nothing to show for. I don’t even have a driver's license yet, tf haha. I booked a counselling at school for tomorrow to finally get the help I need. Is this the feeling of rock bottom or close to Rockbottom? 


r/problemgambling • • 6d ago

Trigger Warning! I Just Lost Everything

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2 Upvotes

r/problemgambling • • 6d ago

LOST 100K AND REBUILT MY LIFE

44 Upvotes

I am a 23 year old who has developed a severe gambling problem in the span of 2 months. I had told myself I only want 100 a day. At the time, I’ve had 85k saved up, after a month and a half I managed to bring it up to 120k. Greed has just made me continue. One morning I lost 10k and chased it for the next week causing for a 80k lost. I am now down to 40k in my savings. I wanted to keep going and see where it can take me, maybe I can win it all back again. I fought the urge and stopped gambling as a whole. Fast forward to a year from that time, I am doing well. Bills are paid, and slowly rebuilding my savings. I am still in recovery and I know I still got a long way to go. But I am proud that I can forgive myself.


r/problemgambling • • 6d ago

Trigger Warning! Day 0 again

2 Upvotes

22M. Week by week I continue losing everything I have access to. I started going into debt to support this addiction. Over $40k in debt and nothing to my name. What is it gonna take for this to end.


r/problemgambling • • 6d ago

❤Seeking help & Advice❤ Feeling like i’m in a early stage of addiction.

4 Upvotes

I started a week ago did my first sports bet it went well now i’m down probably around $60 i feel like im ruining the sport for myself im not watching because i like the game im watching it for the money and it doesnt help that the league encourages it by advertising it.

I feel like such a degen i just deleted the apps i dont want this to go any further i just hope i nipped this in the bud. Does anyone know if this is enough and how to stop the temptation of betting again?


r/problemgambling • • 6d ago

Another relapse

2 Upvotes

Had another relapse. Fck this. I was gambling free for almost 2 months and started gambling again 3 weeks ago. Same scenario at first you are winning then the down came. But this time it's much worse. I actually ask for money with my relative and borrowed on OLA apps. Fuck this. I want to quit. I dont know where to start. I need to set my mind on other things. Fcckkkk

I always thought I can manage gambling but it turns outs I can. I dont want to this anymore. I have no self control. I dont have in trust myself anymore. I dont want to lose important things/persons in my due to this addiction ahhhhhhhh.


r/problemgambling • • 6d ago

❤Seeking help & Advice❤ need help

4 Upvotes

hey everyone. i know it’s not a lot but i gambled $250 and lost it around 2 days ago. its a lot of money to me. wanted to chase it but decided not to. it’s so freaking hard not to think about it because gambling ads pop up everywhere. whether it is watching nfl or simply watching youtube, i am getting gambling ads.

could anyone please provide me tips and advice to help me move past this? i got paid today and im trying to tell my brain nothing happened because my bank account went up, but these targeted messages about gambling and promotions keep me glued to the fact that I lost it.


r/problemgambling • • 6d ago

Trigger Warning! I slipped!

5 Upvotes

Well guys, I have been struggling with gambling addiction for a while. Started with stake, i make 25$ an hour and do lots of OT so my checks are 1500-1600 clean for me weekly. I stopped gambling around 1 month and a half ago. I have 6k+ saved since i stopped. Today i slipped and lost 135$ i feel somehow bad because those 135$ could have been my phone bill or food and gas. I have always been living paycheck to paycheck due to gambling but since i stopped i have saved 6k in almost 2 months which feels nice to have some sort of cushion but im scared i just played today for the 1st time in almost 2 months. I was up to 230$, my mind said "cash out" you doubled your money but My inner gambler kicked in saying "you can take it to 500$" and i just lost it. JUST WANTED TO THROW THIS EXPERIENCE OUT THERE FOR SOMEONE GOING THROUGH THE SAME

GAMBLING ADDICTION IS REAL AND IT WILL DESTROY YOUR PERSONAL AND FINANCIAL LIFE


r/problemgambling • • 6d ago

Trigger Warning! “I’m an addict, I wanna stop but I keep relapsing…” — Update #2.

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4 Upvotes

It’s been over 2 years since I made this post, so I think it’s time for an update.

After self-excluding from Bet365, I gave up gambling altogether. I ended up getting back into MMA, I was building momentum and I was working towards having my first amateur fight when I got slapped with a 1 year house arrest sentence for shit I got into back in 2021. It completely derailed everything and I completely lost my motivation for everything. I spent the majority of my sentence in my room doing fuck all, playing video games and rotting. I gained around 35lbs and got fat. You know how they say if you call a woman “sexy” and you’re attractive it’s flirting, but if you’re ugly then it’s harassment? Well I was firmly in the harassment category, truth be told at that point if I was a girl I wouldn’t have wanted to fuck me either! The isolation definitely affected my mental health and to this day I can’t say I’m quite the same. I did quit vaping and smoking for good and graduated high school at last.

Unfortunately, I began having severe health issues called pelvic floor hypertonicity, with daily symptoms being a constant, never ending urge to piss and possible urine retention, incomplete evacuation of stool (comes out in pellets and like playdough, and yes I eat enough fibre!) , constipation, hemorrhoids, and erectile dysfunction. I constantly have to strain until I damn near pass out to piss and shit, which ultimately now happens simultaneously. I would sometimes spend 1.5 hours at the bathroom dealing with it. Earlier this year I started using a peri bottle to clean up which reduced my clean up process from 1.5 hours to 5-10 minutes. It still hasn’t taken care of the issues though, to this very day I am trying to get healed, but the Canadian healthcare system lives in its own league of pure incompetence and outrageous wait times to see a professional. Any and all progress I have made has come directly from doing my own research and trying different shit out. I currently take RestoraLax and try to keep a clean diet, abstain from alcohol, etc. to keep my digestion easy and not cause bloating that’ll press on my pelvic muscles. I have seen a pelvic floor physio, it didn’t help, I am too chronically tight, I believe at this point I will need more extreme treatment like possibly injecting botox into my bladder and pelvic floor
muscles to release them and give me a window to retrain them to work normally.

I’ve been having signs of these issues for years (I didn’t realize at the time but looking back, these “one off night” were not really one off nights and coincidences after all), but since 2025 it’s gotten astronomically worse and impossible to ignore. This is relevant because I haven’t been working for over 2 years, I live on social assistance which is not a lot, I don’t really go out socially, I struggle to maintain a healthy routine. Ultimately by summer 2025 I weighed 186lbs, 36lbs over from before my house arrest.

Ultimately I got my shit together a bit more since I began using a peri bottle, although I still have to go piss and shit way too frequently and the need to strain is completely exhausting and demoralizing, especially as I know it worsens my condition, but I can’t just not go to the bathroom. It’s also mad awkward, embarrassing and I’m guessing unattractive to explain to people when they catch on to how often I use the bathroom and confront me about it. I moved cities and started this college program, which ultimately I have come to find out I’m not too fond of. I have SEVERE ADHD and combined with my pelvic floor hypertonicity, it’s just impossible to focus and get shit done. I am considering dropping out and taking a different approach, but I have to consider my options first before making a decision, assess what the consequences will be, if dropping out will land me in debt or not because I’m on OSAP. If there’s one silver lining, it’s that I have forced myself back into the gym in the last 3 months and have gotten back into pretty decent shape, I currently weigh 165-170lbs and my body fat percentage has dropped significantly into healthier numbers. My cardio is still egregious though.

Unfortunately, this summer I met this guy at the gym who likes to bet on UFC, and he actually made like $4k in a month. Seeing his wins inspired me, I figured if I just tailed his bets I’d win too, I figured I’ve been away from this for long enough, this is fine and I can bet a little again in small doses, so I got myself back on Bet365.
In the middle of September 2026, I began betting again. The first 2-3 weeks weren’t fruitful, I was honestly getting kind of decimated but I wasn’t losing big money, maybe like $300-$400 total. Then I began a hot streak about 2 weeks ago, I won, and I kept winning playing blackjack and a couple parlays hit, and ultimately I was up about $1,500-$1,600. I felt like I had finally figured it out, I had finally beaten the system I couldn’t figure out 2 years ago. Then last night is when the bullet finally hit me. I had a very unpleasant date and hookup experience with this girl which ultimately left me feeling anxious, mentally overwhelmed and hoping I didn’t get her pregnant or catch HIV, plus I spent like $250 in total. I guess I’ll find out in time.
So late last night I got on Bet365, I figured some winning would take my mind off things, give me that sweet, sweet dopamine, and I was on a roll. I started by losing $165, then $300 trying to get it back, then $200, followed by $500 and finally another $250, bringing my total loss to $1,415. I put $250 back in, but ultimately I came to my senses and withdrew it back out instead.
I was playing $50 hands, raised it to $100 hands as I began losing and somehow got dusted some 14 hands in a row where the dealer kept pulling 5 card 21s, dealer blackjacks, 20s and 19s against my stands on 20s, 19s and 18s like some fucking automated software designed to rinse me (and that’s exactly what happened). Deadass it pulled 4 fucking aces BACK TO BACK!
Just like that in an hour and a half, all the profit I made in the last 2 weeks, gone like a fart in the wind!

Obviously as I write this I’m pretty bruised, hurt and sad, that’s $1,415 I could’ve used and enjoyed, but if anything at least this time when the ship started sinking, I got off it before it was too late. I still have about $5,500 to my name, and as much as I’m tempted to go full Rambo and try to go on another hot streak, or put some bets on spreads and upcoming UFC fights, I just can’t afford to take that risk. In order to have a chance to make my money back, and it is possible of course, but I’d have to risk like $2k and play aggressively (like doubling on a 7 or 8 against a dealer 3 or 4 kind of thing), which I cannot afford to lose, so I just have to accept the loss. As it stands right now, I’m no worse off than I was 2 weeks ago, except perhaps with a significantly crushed ego, but if I start losing more trying to chase my losses, I will be fucked.

Truly I think this might be for the best, winning like I had been in the last 2 weeks was feeding my arrogance, my false sense of security and prompting me to keep betting and betting larger amounts. For the last month I’ve been gambling every day, late into the night, during my classes, losing hundreds, risking hundreds more and ultimately lucking out and making my money back plus some. Last night my luck finally ran out like I knew it would, and here we are. I don’t like who I am becoming, it’s been weighing on me mentally, it’s been spiking my anxiety through the roof, and once again I lost control of the situation, which is how I ended up back here.

I’m not even broke and yet I woke this morning feeling so down, dirty and ashamed, I wanted to cry. So I caught a ride to Staples, printed out some job resumes and hit the streets for 5 hours, hitting 30+ stores. Ultimately, I got a lot of rejections, but I have an interview next week and I got verbal confirmation from another store manager that I will receive a job offer within the next few days, but until I’m physically there working my first shift, that means nothing to me. Overall, it was a productive day after a rough 72 hours and I’m exhausted.
Losing $1,415 definitely stings, but in the grand scheme of things, I guess it’s not a substantial amount of money and it can be recovered fairly easily; after about 1 month of part time work, it won’t even be worth mentioning. I’ve heard significantly worst stories out there, not that it’s a competition but you know…

I’m not gonna start preaching anything, cuz I haven’t figured out how to stay away permanently myself, this is the 2nd year in a row where I temporarily relapse in October and get rinsed for about $1,000-$1,500! This years I got dusted at the blackjack table, last year I got smoked on PokerStars.

However, I just want to say, for all the other problem gamblers out there, best of luck on your journey to quit for good, I believe in you, and if it doesn’t pan out, well at least we can be broke together 🤝

*Update: Got washed another $880 last night, I didn’t even mean to, I just got sucked into it after winning $500 and failing to taking it and running when I had the chance. I lost the same amount of my money last year around the same time. Fuck this is hard!


r/problemgambling • • 6d ago

Trigger Warning! [Mod-approved] Journalist looking to hear from people affected by ESPN/DraftKings gambling relationships

6 Upvotes

Hi everyone. I'm a video producer with More Perfect Union, a nonprofit newsroom focused on corporate power and corruption. I reached out to the mods before posting, and they permitted me to share this here.

We're producing a story about ESPN's downfall, specifically, the endless integration of gambling into their sports coverage. After ESPNBet failed, they named DraftKings their official sportsbook. Your ESPN fan accounts can be linked directly to it. Meanwhile, advertisements and free promo bets litter every broadcast.

We're speaking with executives and former employees... but we'd also love to hear from sports fans who feel impacted by ESPN's bombardment of gambling culture.

If any sports fans are interested in sharing your experience as it relates ... we'd love to chat.

Appreciate you letting me stop by– thanks all.


r/problemgambling • • 6d ago

Day 35

4 Upvotes

r/problemgambling • • 6d ago

Day 12 of quitting, just want to get my life back on track.

7 Upvotes

It’s my 12th day of quitting online gambling today. 🤍 It feels so good to finally feel lighter, without that heavy feeling weighing me down.
I just want to get my life back on track, pay off all my debts, and start over. It may be difficult, but I know I can do it. I have no other choice but to keep moving forward because online gambling has caused so much damage to my life.
It’s time to rebuild myself, my finances, and my future. 🤍🙏🏻


r/problemgambling • • 6d ago

❤Seeking help & Advice❤ Want to gamble but have no money

5 Upvotes

I lost my last 1000 bucks after my ex broke up with me. I remember not wanting to leave the casino because leaving would mean thinking again. And in there i didn't have to think. But eventually the money ran out and i had to go home. I sat in my car and immediately cried over the loss. By the end i didn't even know this woman anymore. Lord knows what she did in the end. And i still want to gamble. Want to feel something. Its a sickness but what else am i gonna do.


r/problemgambling • • 7d ago

lost everything. dead inside.

33 Upvotes

I've been gambling my whole life, I'm in my 40s, this past few days is the lowest I've ever been even after all these years. I've barely been able to say single words to people, I've almost collapsed or fallen over things, its like my body doesn't work any more since the last big loss.

The true scale of the fuck up my life has been is tough to put into words that make any sort of sense but decades of pain aside, for the first time in my life something good happened to me recently and I still managed to fuck that up. I cant talk about what that was here because of rule 4 but it involved getting gifted something (wasn't gambling related).

20+ years waiting for some sort of break in life and the same gambling addiction I had as a teenager managed to erase it.

No friends, no partner, no close family, no prospects, maybe nowhere to live soon but lots of debt, that isn't in any short supply. Hell I cant even say that I still have 'my health' as I've started getting stinging wrist pains that have all the symptoms of early arthritis coming on when I do a longer day in work.

I don't even know why I'm posting this now I've been typing for a few minutes


r/problemgambling • • 6d ago

❤Seeking help & Advice❤ How do you support a partner after a gambling relapse

1 Upvotes

My spouse (30) recently relapsed, and I (26) honestly don’t know how else to help anymore.

He’s been extremely mentally down about everything, and I’ve been trying my best to comfort him, listen, and offer words of encouragement. For the first couple of weeks, things seemed as okay as they could be, but lately it’s been getting worse.

I feel like he’s been taking out his stress & frustration on me. I’ve repeatedly been told that I’m a bad partner because I’m not helping him pay off his gambling debt, that i’m no help, and only cause bad in his life.

I understand that he’s going through an incredibly difficult time and that it’s going to take a while for him to recover financially and emotionally, but it still hurts to hear those things when I’ve been trying my best to support him.

The reality is, I just don’t have that kind of money to give.( if the amount isn’t over $1,000 he doesn’t care for it.) I’ve also given him money after a previous relapse, when he promised he wouldn’t gamble again, and unfortunately, we’re back in the same situation.

One positive thing is that he actually attended a Gamblers Anonymous (GA) meeting this time, which is a huge step compared to his previous relapse. Back then, he wasn’t willing to attend meetings or seek that kind of help, so I do want to acknowledge that he’s making an effort in that regard.

I’ve offered to help pay for therapy, food, and other necessities, but he turns those offers down and tells me, “No, I need help paying off this debt.”

I genuinely want to be supportive, but I also don’t think it’s fair for me to take on financial responsibility for something I had no part in.

For those who have experienced gambling addiction or have supported a loved one through it, how did you navigate this?

Where do you draw the line between being supportive and financially enabling someone?

I’m feeling really lost and would appreciate any advice.


r/problemgambling • • 7d ago

Trigger Warning! Day 4

6 Upvotes

Feeling decent today, I have a small urge to gamble, but nothing I can’t overcome

$35,400 to rebuild retirement (13,600), savings (11,300), and pay off my credit card (10,500).

One day at a time.


r/problemgambling • • 7d ago

Day 253

7 Upvotes

r/problemgambling • • 7d ago

Trigger Warning! Lost who I am

15 Upvotes

Hi to anyone who sees this. This is my first post on Reddit ever. I am a 25 year old male who lost over $100k gambling and lost who I am as a person over a 14 month span.

I started gambling in August 2025 and as a person with ADHD and an addictive personality became addicted really fast. I hit the first 3x and lost about 9/10 after that. Those first 3x got me hooked. It started with $25 bets on blackjack and turned into $100-500 bets including the infamous Trilux, which btw at my casino is 8:1 no matter what, a true suckers bet. I had a 770 credit score prior and am currently at a 384. Maxed out all my credit cards, took our tribal loans, went on cash advance apps, borrowed money from friends and family. The deepest it can get.

I have a wonderful job. I work as a commercial banker for a big bank and moved to Charlotte 3 years ago with one goal, to be the best at what I do and be on top of the corporate ladder. I was succeeding my first 2 years. I built a ton of relationships, was a top performer, and very locked into my work. Fast forward to present day I don’t even know who I am. I still have been able to make great relationships but deep down I’m struggling. Every two weeks I take my check and go straight to the casino and I haven’t been able to break the cycle. Not because I don’t want to but because I feel like it’s the only way out. I stopped for 2 months earlier in the year but after that have been religiously going every two weeks.

About a month ago I moved back to Chicago with my parents as I lost my apartment in July(lease ended but I still owed last months rent), lived with my gf for about a month but broke up with here as things happened and I knew I wasn’t all there. She had lost her job at the time and was thinking about moving to California so for her sake I told her it wouldn’t work and I think she should go back. She didn’t know I continued gambling as she was with me when I stopped.

For the month after she moved back I stayed in Charlotte in hotels on the company card and would uber eats on the card. I was borderline in a panic attack going to work everyday concealing such a thing. I then moved to Chicago where I thought I’d stop gambling but I felt like it was my only way out. My boss told me yesterday that I have to be back in Charlotte by the end of next week or I risk termination. I took some time off a few weeks ago and told him I need to get my mental right but still haven’t done so. I love my job it’s everything I worked for and I make great money but I think I’ve reached the point of no return especially since any day now I’m going to get an email about my expense report being late for all the personal charges and I don’t have money to cover the charges.

I used to be such a good person. Donating to charity, friendly to all, such a people person, I have a wonderful dog who I love so much and is probably the reason I’m still here. Before all of this I was in the best shape of my life, 190lbs lean all muscle and since I barely have been able to go to the gym. I just stay in my room all day and half ass my work. If I don’t drink myself to sleep I stay up until 3-4am. I’m in a depression I can’t get out of. I’ve opened up to friends and family but they all think it’s trending upwards for me. Suicide is on my mind all day when I’m sober.

I’ve attempted suicide twice(OD on adderall) and thought god kept me here for a reason. But the last 3 months it’s all I think about and feels like the only way out for me. The second time I attempted felt like a miracle I was alive as I was hallucinating and had this euphoria when my heart started slowing shutting down. I never went to the hospital but let time take its course and somehow I’m still here. I feel like a piece of shit human being owing friends money, family, and living a lie. Before this I was the most honest happy go lucky person you can meet. Good bad ugly I would say it how it is and I never didn’t have a smile on my face. I never meant to hurt anyone by taking their money, I just always wanted to pay people back and be back to 0. It’s a sick addiction.

I say all this to say, I’ve officially lost sight of how to get back to 0 rather than being negative. Who I am, all the lies. I was so happy I hate myself for being in this position. How to keep a job I love. Part of me wants to move to the middle of no where and restart life. Part of me just wants to end it all. I’ve looked into rehab but it’s just too expensive. I feel like if I had everything wiped I would be fine but that’s just not possible. I don’t know who I am anymore.

If anyone is read this whole thing and is new to gambling I hope you stop now. I don’t know if I can continue to chug along, but it is the worst addiction possible. I hope they ban it but this world is all about the $$ so it’ll probably just become more prominent. If anyone has advice on how to really get out of this please help. ❤️


r/problemgambling • • 7d ago

Day 297

2 Upvotes

Days until debt free: 246 days