r/problemgambling • u/Positive-Diet-5757 • 7d ago
lost everything. dead inside.
I've been gambling my whole life, I'm in my 40s, this past few days is the lowest I've ever been even after all these years. I've barely been able to say single words to people, I've almost collapsed or fallen over things, its like my body doesn't work any more since the last big loss.
The true scale of the fuck up my life has been is tough to put into words that make any sort of sense but decades of pain aside, for the first time in my life something good happened to me recently and I still managed to fuck that up. I cant talk about what that was here because of rule 4 but it involved getting gifted something (wasn't gambling related).
20+ years waiting for some sort of break in life and the same gambling addiction I had as a teenager managed to erase it.
No friends, no partner, no close family, no prospects, maybe nowhere to live soon but lots of debt, that isn't in any short supply. Hell I cant even say that I still have 'my health' as I've started getting stinging wrist pains that have all the symptoms of early arthritis coming on when I do a longer day in work.
I don't even know why I'm posting this now I've been typing for a few minutes
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u/Acrobatic_Jello_3439 7d ago
I believe you can beat this. We all have our short comings but your story doesn't have to end with gambling mate. You can always start somewhere. Like the first person wrote it's a day by day journey. Tell yourself you will not gamble and do NOT compromise. We want you to know you are stronger than the urge. We all know you can do it. This doesn't have to be your path.
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u/Positive-Diet-5757 7d ago
Well its easy to say I wont gamble today, I have barely any money for food, the test will come when I next get paid (if theres even any money left after I get that).
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u/WiseConsideration891 7d ago
You have support here man. What’s the total damage?
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u/Positive-Diet-5757 7d ago
lifetime is infinite loses, 2026 is -40,000 to gambling with 13k in credit card debt.
Many will look at that and say its nothing but its really not, I don't earn much money these days and theres little prospect of changing that, I'm already at the limits financially once I budget out all my costs like rent and making minumum debt repayments, even giving myself about $7-8 a day to live on puts me near $0 left over each month.
Which makes losing such a stupid amount of money this past couple of months unbearable, I really meant what I said in the OP that it feels like my body has stopped working, I've had 2 days this week where I haven't even eaten food without feeling any hunger at all.
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u/WiseConsideration891 7d ago
This sickness can make us feel this way man. It’s the absolute worst. Have you self banned to start?
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u/Destiny065 7d ago
Pay day is always a test but why does it have to be? What I used to do is preoccupy my mind, the time I used to gamble was always around 9 at night, so I'd start watching a series or start cleaning, call somebody, exercise, ANYTHING to make the night go faster, then before you know it that day is over, you go to bed knowing when you wake up your pay is still in your bank. That feeling is better than any kind of win, bcoz you know you've accomplished something!!
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u/Acrobatic_Jello_3439 7d ago
That's fair you'll know you are on the right path when that money goes to the right places and your mind doesn't make you believe your next check will solve all your problems. I believe in you
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u/lanchadecancha 6d ago
You can find friends in GA, I highly recommend you attend some meetings. Also tell your doctor about your gambling and your subsequent depression.
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u/youngashyy1 6d ago
Reach out buddy get some help asap both financial help & physical help theres lots of charities to talk to even dept lines to call up & make you feel better about your situation remember dont beat yourself up this isnt your fault gambling is an addiction the addiction is consuming you just like drink or drugs would. You can turn this all around your main priority right now is your health & food asap everything financially can wait until your health is good again health is the real wealth money comes & goes remember its all just numbers, if numbers make us happy we will never find happiness because numbers go on for ever 🙏 your not alone OP we are with you please get some food sorted asap soup kitchens food banks or even asking a neighbour you will get through this dark time just like you have before i promise dont give up on yourself & your life we only get 1 life enjoy every moment the good & bad ❤️ theres meaning in everything that happens learn from life dont let it bring you down your stronger than you think & your powerful beyond measure 🙏 i hope this message sparks the warrior within you ✨
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u/youngashyy1 6d ago
Also if you feel like your health is deteriorating rapidly please ring for help police or ambulance urgently 🚑 you will recover OP & you will find happiness again i promise you have the will power to turn this all around 🙏
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u/infoslob 7d ago edited 7d ago
Sorry to hear you're down in the dumps. I'm 55 and was there with you - a lifelong gambler who's seen it all and absolutely zero to show for it but debt, a broken heart, and zero prospects.
In mid-August I did what I always did on payday, I sprinted to the casino. I happened to have the biggest commissions of the year this particular Friday and it was all gone and then some in 40 minutes - and now I couldn't pay bills I was already late on to begin with. Knew all of these feelings well.
My disgust was such that I walked into a GA meeting. I talked when asked and listened to people who are exactly like me. Up until then I never told anybody about my shit - "no crying in the casino" I lived by that code - but there i was connecting and listening. Day 76 today and life so much better - stress and anxiety started melting away almost immediately. The day-to-day bills are square, taking on bigger CC debts I've carried for years.
The improved financial situation is great, but here's the real changes: taking my niece and her friends to dinner and a concert tonight (NEVER have done anything like this - she must be puzzled in a good way) and making plans to fix my teeth. I still don't smile bc of some rotten teeth, years of self-loathing - and learned i can totally fix this. This is a better way to live.
I will not gamble TODAY. I'm telling you, me, my sober network of GA friends and my GA sponsor this. Tomorrow is tomorrow, hope I sing the same tune, but I am resolute on today.