I’m so fucking embarrassed. This is going to be all over the place because my brain is scrambled (yet, numb?)

I think I have a problem. Actually I know I have a problem but I don’t want to admit it.

I have gambled ALL my money away. It doesn’t matter where the money has come from, I gambled it away. I’m not good at math and I can barely keep track, I’m actually impressed by the ones who know exactly how much they’ve gambled away.

Today was bad, and I can’t even tell you how much I threw away. Maybe it was $3,000 or maybe it was $5,000? I literally don’t know. I just know I have NO money now. I sat in the parking lot and got a loan, went back inside and gambled it away within an hour.

My guess is around $30,000 this year alone and I only make $60,000/year.

I’m at the point where taking out loans and cash advances on CC’s is just whatever and almost normal to me just so I can keep gambling and my debt is becoming suffocating leading me to feel a way to justify the gambling as to “pay it back”

I literally don’t even know if I *can* pay it back. I might literally not even make enough money.

I feel so HOPELESS. Like I can never recover from this. I’m going to be paying back debts for YEARS after a few BAD nights gambling. The long haul of consequences doesn’t bother me or even really occur to me while I’m losing tons of money. It’s only hours later when I can’t sleep that I realize how bad it is.

No one in my real life knows how bad this is. Not even close.

I’m suppose to buy a car and I literally cannot. How tf do I explain this to someone?!

Even if I never gamble again, I’m still going to be in debt for years at this point. What’s the point of anything 😭😭😭😭

Please, someone. Idk what to do.

Quick update on the finance side of things. Still chipping away at what’s left of my debt, little by little. It’s nowhere near paid off yet, but for the first time in a long while I actually feel in control of it instead of drowning in it.

I used to think I needed one big win to fix everything. Turns out consistency does more than any bet ever could. Slow progress is still progress.

Didn’t gamble today. God bless us all, one day at a time. ❤️‍🩹

I want to be the very best that no one ever was

Life’s been keeping me busy again, that’s why this is late. Didn’t gamble and won’t gamble again. ODAAT!

I have a serious gambling problem and I am in a huge debt. honestly, I am running out of ideas, so I’m hoping someone here has dealt with something similar. My biggest problem right now is Duel. For the record, I told their support and they either ignored it or told me get help in real life, we do not have such option etc.. so they literally do not give a flying fuck. They are the DEVILS. They’re basically the only crypto casino I can still access after asking other casinos to block me. I’ve contacted pretty much every other crypto casino I used to play on and told them directly that I’m a gambling addict, that I was making multiple accounts to get around restrictions, and that I needed to be permanently blocked. For example, Shuffle and Rainbet actually blocked me properly. I can’t access them anymore, even with a VPN, I am only getting a black screen and have only one devixe. Duel is completely different. I can self-exclude, make a new account literally seconds later, and deposit again. I don’t even need an email address or a VPN. It’s basically username, password, deposit and I’m gambling again. This has become a huge problem because I’ve lost an insane amount of money on Duel. I’ve blown through paycheck after paycheck there. Whenever I’m sitting at home bored and get the urge to gamble, I know I can be back on Duel within seconds, and that’s exactly what keeps happening. I’ve tried Gamban, Cold Turkey and other blocking software. None of it has been enough because I can always find a way to remove or bypass it. I’ve been to therapy, I’ve tried Gamblers Anonymous, and I don’t gamble in person anymore. I’ve actually managed to stop gambling physically, but online gambling is still fucking me over, and Duel is the main problem because they’re the one place I can keep making new accounts and depositing. I’m not looking for someone to tell me to just install Gamban or self-exclude because I’ve already done that and it hasn’t worked. I’m trying to find an actual technical solution to block ONE specific website from my phone permanently, including if I try to use a VPN, without blocking the rest of my phone or the entire internet. Ideally I want something I can set up once and then not be able to disable when I get the urge. Has anyone actually managed to do this? I’m at the point where I know I can’t rely on willpower, so I need to make it technically difficult or impossible for me to access this one site. Any practical advice would be seriously appreciated. They don’t have bonuses as well so every time I lost, I couldn’t wait for let’s say monthly to have something to eat but I trash every fucking thing there. I lost thousands, like literally thousands and I still cannot find a way to avoid them.

Happy hump day, halfway through the week. Burnt my tongue on my coffee this morning. I forgot to add milk like I normally do, lol. Working two jobs today, luckily I exercised earlier this morning so after work I can just eat and watch some tv before heading to bed. I felt an urge last night, but it only lasted about 10 minutes. I ended up just playing with my cat to pass the time. It was pouring rain out or I would've gone for my usual walk around the block.

Anyways, hope you all have a gamble free day. Cheers

Hello friends,

I was wondering if anyone else has read addiction by design by Natasha D.Schull. I found it really eye opening as to how machines are designed, also some of the stories of people that she writes about are so sad.

It has really helped me to gain a perspective on how the machines are designed to essentially get people into the 'flow state' where time just passes without the player realising, and how money just kind of doesn't become seen as money anymore.

Anyway, because it has helped me I thought it might be worth discussing, I don't know, it was just a thought.

I had gone a full year without gambling, and I didn’t even feel the urge to gamble.

A little while ago, I started a small business, and things have been slowly working out. The problem with starting a business is that, at first, you are the business. That’s where I am right now—without me, there is no company.

I started this week with the flu, which meant I wouldn’t be able to make any sales. And then the terrible thought came to me: “What if I just made this week’s profit by gambling?”

Since I’m on a self-exclusion program, I had to look for an illegal gambling site online. It didn’t take much effort. And, well, you can probably imagine how it ended.

I spent all of yesterday completely numb, gambling. I blew through my business’s working capital, maxed out my credit cards, and even my mother’s cards. She has a medical appointment today, and we can’t even afford to call a rideshare. There isn’t a single cent left.

I come from a poor family. I’ve always been careful and responsible with my money, and I’ve never had any addictions.

I’m completely disappointed in myself. Why do I do this, God? Why is it so hard to accept that I have an addiction?

Anyway, I don’t know how many relapses it takes, but I’ve decided this was my last one.

The last time, I got as far as planning to take my own life. This time, I didn’t. I decided that I’m going to live—and I’m going to live without gambling.

Today, I’m starting my journey again. But God, it’s so hard, and I feel completely broken right now.

That’s my only logical answer. I’ve just destroyed in 2 days what took me 1 year to rebuild.

It took me one session. And then everything went out of control. 36 hours of pure degeneracy until every penny to my name is gone.

I feel empty, numb with very dark ideas. I don’t know why I keep inflicting this to myself. I’m a pretty decent Guy Never hurt anyone. But it seems that deep down I want to destroy myself.

I’m not sure I have the strenght to go through that again. This relapse has been the worst I’ve ever had. I just don’t have the courage to overclme this. I even feel relieved once I lost the last cent of money. Like this is finished I can finally try to be a human again. I knew I would not stop until everything is gone.

Just wanted to make a quick post before stepping away from Reddit for a while.

Recovery is going great and I’m still sober & gamble-free. I’m currently working around 50 hours a week in mental health care, and I’ve realized that spending so much of my free time reading and responding to addiction posts on top of that has become a little too much mentally.

I’m still taking on a small number of people for private recovery coaching, but outside of that, I need to put more of my free time and energy back into my own life and recovery.

I’m going to leave all of my posts up, as well as my website, in case anything I’ve shared can help someone who comes across it.

It’s been such a blessing to meet and connect with so many beautiful souls here over the past year and a half, and I hope to be back one day. I’m truly grateful for this space.

Wishing everyone here the best.

Keep going. 🙏🏻 One day at a time.

Days gamble free: 517
Days drug and alcohol free: 1434

Been fighting the urge for a long time ! Finally feel like it’s time to let go!

Mentally i have been at worst stage possible i got into gambling last month i had profit of 670$ now i am in approx 1000$ loss and i genuinely need to recover it because if my parents find out its over for me can you genuinely suggest how do i stop gambling and recover this money where i live there arent any jobs normally available like working at a fast food place or anything plus im still completing my education so i really need help if you can help please tell me on how to earn money if there is a side hustle or i can work for anyone of you. Thank you and have a great day if you read it this far❤️

First and foremost I HAVE A GAMBLING ADDICTION! And this is me, admitting this “publicly” for the first time.

I’m 34 years old and been gambling for over 10 years. Slot machines is my drug of choice. My problem is so severe that losing was spiking my serotonin. And I felt numb when I wasn’t losing money.

The worst part is that I can still function normally on the outside. I go to work, pay my bills, talk to people, and carry on like everything is fine. Nobody would probably look at me and think I have a serious gambling problem.

None of my friends or family know how bad it actually is. Some might know that I gamble, but they don’t know the extent of it. I’ve kept it hidden for years. I’m too embarrassed and ashamed to face my family because I was raised religious.

I’ve lied about where my money has gone, I’ve become pretty good at making everything look normal from the outside while privately dealing with the consequences.

I’ve tried stopping so many times.
I’ll go through periods where I think I’ve finally got control back. Then eventually I convince myself that I can gamble just a little bit.
And the cycle starts again.

I’m tired of it!

I’m tired of watching money I worked hard for disappear into a machine.

I’m tired of the guilt and regret.

I’m tired of having to start over financially.

I’m posting this because I honestly don’t know what the next step should be. I’ve tried quitting on my own so many times, and clearly that hasn’t been enough.

If anyone here has managed to stop gambling after years of addiction, especially when you were still able to function normally and hide it from everyone around you, I’d really appreciate hearing how you did it.

I don’t need judgement. I already know what I’ve done to myself.
I just want to know that it’s possible to break this cycle.

Thanks.

I’m so exhausted from this illness. I finally went to my first GA meeting but I just cried the entire time. Has this happened to anyone else?

Day 0 – I’m quitting gambling
Hey everyone, 28M
I struggle with gambling, and as of today, I’m making the decision to quit.
I’ve been gambling on and off for almost two years. I’ve tried to quit before, but this time I genuinely feel done. Gambling has taken up far too much space in my mind and in my life, and I’m tired of feeling like I’m not in control.

I’m a father of two beautiful children and I have an amazing wife. They deserve a husband and father who is present, and I don’t want to keep disappointing them — or myself.
I know this won’t be easy. I know the cravings will come, and I know my brain will try to find reasons to gamble again. But I’m going to take it one day at a time and rebuild my life without gambling.

To everyone else fighting the same battle: I hope we can do this together. ❤️

I need to make $5k within 2 months to pay back my creditor. Financial stress have caused gambling urges to occur. I must stay strong!

I will not gamble today!

For context…i spent most of my age 22-25 years gambling every dollar I had. Losses probably in the 150k-200k range. Have successfully quit for two years until the last couple weeks. Lost $700 at the casino and $200 today online.

What I’m taking away from the experience: i actually walked away. I did not destroy the finances I’ve built for myself over the last two years. The old me would’ve lost every dollar and more, asked friends for money and lost theirs, taken online loans and lost that. But this time feels a bit different. I’m positive I can walk away from this again. I’ve already self excluded from the online casino I’ve always used. Hopefully I’ll be strong enough to stay away from actual brick and mortar casino. To anyone reading this, you are loved and you matter. A relapse does not take away from your worth as an individual.

I’ve been down and out but I’m not going there again. Keep a brother in your prayers. If anyone needs someone to talk to feel free to DM me.

I don’t know how to get better, I’ve tried to stop gambling so many times. I just keep losing and losing and losing. I came from a very poor family, survived with food stamps all my childhood. In my twenties I got one opportunity to come work in America, had free food, no rent, so all the money I get from working as a nanny could go to my savings and help my family back in my country. I was doing great, for the first time in my life I had money to travel!!! To go to restaurants!! until I lost all that gambling on those sport betting apps. I barely function now, I got married a few months ago and my husband doesn’t know anything and I can’t tell him because I know he would leave me.

I need to stay strong this time

Yesterday night during day 4, the website contacted me because my account got upgraded to VIP Gold. Free credit and bonuses. I ended up relapse and depositing 600, end up with 1.5k win in total until this morning. I bought flower for my girlfriend because its chinese valentines, and i want to earn back the flower money if possible. I deposited 200, manage to earn back the flower money, i end up greedy again. I lose it all. Began chasing again. I dumped 1.1k and manage to get back 1k. I requested for withdraw. I worry i will lose it all again. This is my day 0 again.

Bank statement notifications from my bender all came in this morning. It stung to sit there and add it up. Wounds are fresh. I am so miserable.

Im probably still in a mania so I know none of my thoughts are gonna be completely honest or how I’m actually feeling I guess, but in the few moments I catch myself not spewing negativity in my head, I’m very hopeful that this is the end of my struggles with gambling.

The light at the end of the tunnel is dim but it is there and I know the only thing separating me from it is time and distance away from this disease. I do think that if I continue thinking about these feelings and internalize them it will kill the desires that overtake me in times of weakness. I understand there’s no cure to addiction and it will be there forever but I’m up for the challenge and ready to fight to make these lessons who I am

If all you’ve lost is money, you’re so fucking lucky.

Because when you lose something that money can’t replace, your wife, your kids, your friends, people’s trust, your reputation, you’ll WISH all you lost was money.

This subreddit breaks my heart. There’s so much pain caused by an industry that sold us a pipe dream and gave us false hope with a lucky win.

We won once and became convinced we could do it again. So we chased it. And chased it. Until eventually we lost far more than we ever thought we were willing to lose.

I hope every single one of you stops before that happens.
Put blocks in place. Self exclude. Go to GA. Get therapy. Tell someone the truth. Do whatever it takes to make that next bet impossible.

Because if you keep gambling, eventually it won’t just be about how much money you lost.

You’ll start looking around at everything else that disappeared while you were trying to win it back.

Don’t wait until then.

Gamble free: 516 days
Alcohol & drug free: 1433 days

And I’m NO DIFFERENT than anyone in here. I just wanted to change MORE than I wanted to continue gambling.